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Chapter 4
Fever
Bella
The ground swayed ominously. Everything began to spin before my eyes.
Everyone's voices were swirling together.
"Mom."
"Mrs. Black."
"Bella."
The floor came toward me as I felt an imaginary slap.
Vampires! The monsters that had destroyed my life! Who had the father of my children's death on their conscience! They were here! In Saco! And my children had a fever! I had failed! 'Mono', it went through my head sarcastically and sentimentally at the same time.
I'd wanted to protect my children from that. So, I sensibly moved to the other side of the country. So that my children would be spared from this curse. So that they didn't risk their lives fighting the 'Cold Ones'.
"A family emergency," I heard Jake talking to my boss, who seemed to have caught me.
Leah squatted in front of me with an anxious look and looked me in the eyes seeking help.
"Family should always come first! ... Mrs. Black ... I think you'd better go home. Today is Monday. I'm expecting a call on Wednesday with when I can expect my best lab assistant back," Mr. Prescott said, turning to Amber. "Mrs. Seymore. Would you please be so kind as to pick up Mrs. Black's personal belongings."
Amber was already on her way and my heart rate slowly calmed down. I struggled to get up and tried to take my bag, jacket, and helmet from Amber. But Jake was faster.
"You're not riding a motorcycle today, as pale as you are!" my son commanded me in a serious voice.
I just nodded, thanked my boss, and Jake supported me until I got to the car. Once on the seat, I pulled my knees against my body and hid my face in my hands.
Next to me, I witnessed my things being thrown onto the back seat, but none of my children sat there.
I lifted my head and saw Jake with the key to my motorcycle in his hands as he handed Leah the key to the car.
"Jake, what ...?" I began panicking.
He came over to my side of the car, squatted down next to me, and handed me a small card.
A driver's license.
"Don't worry, Mom. I can drive ... it's not the best time to confess," he replied softly, giving me a kiss on the forehead before walking over to my Honda.
He had become calm himself.
Quickly we were at home and my head was clear again.
I knew what I had to do. For the moment, at least.
I turned on the PC and reached for the phone.
"Hello, Bella. How are my grandchildren?" asked Billy Black good-humoredly on the other end of the line.
"They have a fever ... 'Mono'," I said tonelessly ...
Silence ... five seconds, eight seconds, seventeen seconds.
"You have to bring them here!" then Billy said calmly.
"I know!"
"I'll let Sam and Charlie know ... Do you know yet when you'll be here?"
I talked some more with Billy and had already told Jake and Leah to pack their things.
The next flight to New York was already in an hour and a half and the connecting flight to Seattle was already booked.
Soon we were in the car and headed to the Portland, ME airport.
Around 7:00 p.m. local time we landed in rainy Seattle.
Sam was already waiting for us and I stumbled into his arms.
We drove to Sam and Emily's house.
Neither Charlie's nor at Billy's place had enough room for the three of us, but there sat the proud grandfathers, waiting for us. Jake and Leah were immediately taken in by them.
The typical sayings followed: You have grown up, since when did you become so adult, you look good, and so on.
This time there was also a new comment from Charlie: "You guys are pretty warm though, are you okay?"
They let it wash over them.
Emily served a rich meal. Only after the last bit of dessert and multiple fake yawns from everyone else did Charlie and Sue say goodbye.
Sue was my stepmother, sat on the Council of Elders, and was informed about why I was here. I liked her a lot and was glad Charlie wasn't alone.
"So, tell me," Billy then opened the conversation.
Leah and Jake recounted their very brief encounter and I became anxiously quiet.
Six vampires. Six! Not five! According to their description, they were 'my' vampires. I had knowingly repressed that time and had always been able to forget it well. So, I hadn't had an accurate picture of them in my head for years. But with my children's storytelling, the blurry images came back. But even without the description of Jake and Leah: How many of those were there that would be found at a school in the middle of the day? For learning, mind you, not for eating!
"Do you know whose blood flows in you?" asked Billy reverently.
I had to smirk.
I had told them about their father, of course, but they had only believed half of it. That was probably even an exaggeration.
"The Quileute have always been a small people, but we've always had something magical ...", Billy began to tell the relevant legend.
I had told the two of them about this too. Billy, however, limited himself to the essentials and Sam added what Jake and Leah needed to know today. They were wolves and they were the descendants of the alpha. Of the pack leader. The Chief. By Jacob Black.
"You're so hot. It can't be much longer," Emily said calmly.
"Well, I guess we better get out of here," Sam declared, facing four eyes that just stared at him uncomprehendingly.
"Where are we going?" asked Leah cautiously as she and Jake rose from the table to follow Sam.
"To the last wolf we have here!" Sam politely explained, and I saw my children look at each other a little anxiously.
Before they left, I got a kiss on the cheek from both of them. The two of them were apparently not sure if I would ever see them again.
I couldn't help but to chuckle.
I came to Forks and La Push every Christmas, but only because I didn't want to deprive Billy and Charlie of their grandchildren. So, I knew about things within the pack.
Seth was the last one who still phased regularly. He was thirty-two years old, but looked to be in his mid-twenties. Young, strong and muscular. Like all the wolves. Sam was already approaching forty, which you could see in his face by now. He had stopped being a wolf only a few years ago, but expected his children - ten and twelve years old - to be following in his paws sooner or later. But really the wolves were no longer necessary. A vampire rarely strayed into this area, and as far as they could tell, they always disappeared just as quickly.
Emily poured me some red wine and asked how I was doing.
I didn't really know myself, so I thought about my answer first.
My children were safe here and in the best hands when it came to learning about their wolfish nature. Seth had been the youngest one at that time. Since he was still phasing, he was thus without a doubt the most experienced one. Jacob's words still echoed in my head about how he was amazed at how well Seth coped with this life.
And I was equally safe here. Not a vampire in sight. And if one did come, there were the wolves. But other than that, I hadn't thought much about the situation. So, for the moment, I was fine. But how long would that last?
Leah and Jake didn't show up again until the next morning. For breakfast. I smiled.
They were chattering away so much - excited, awestruck, full of energy and drive.
They had phased that night. Now it was official. My children were wolves!
For Seth it was apparently no problem to get a few days off from his work, so he could take care of my twins. Right now, he was laying in bed asleep. But sleep was out of the question for my two right now. They were totally exhilarated. To get their adrenaline down a bit, Sam suggested we go for a walk. As soon as we were out of the house, he probably went to bed too.
"It's great!" Leah blurted out. "You're one with the forest. You feel so free and strong. Like nothing and no one can hurt you."
"But there is one creature that can be dangerous to you!" I warned. I tried hard to sound composed and not let them hear my pain about it: "They killed your father!"
"We know, Mom ... Seth showed us," Leah answered softly and immediately appeared sad.
"Seth showed us a lot about our dad," Jake added whispering.
I let my head hang down.
I hadn't thought about my Jacob in a long time. And when I did, they were mostly friendly reminders. Only rarely did I get sad that he was no longer with me or that he had not met his children. Had not even known anything about it. And now Jake and Leah had better and more vivid memories of their father than I possess. That was so unfair.
"Tell me about him," I therefore asked, and they granted my wish.
They talked a lot about what kind of impression they got of him.
Something Sam had told me a long time ago echoed softly inside me: Jake was the perfect wolf! Strong, brave, not reckless or careless, knew exactly his limits, and avoided any unnecessary risk. And yet he had given his life.
Leah and Jake's respect for these tales was clear on their faces, and both had single tears streaming down their cheeks as they recounted this last great battle in which the wolves were mercilessly outnumbered and had stood absolutely no chance.
"He probably would've been disappointed in us today," Jake ended gloomily.
Leah nodded, self-conscious.
"Are you kidding?" I asked, with lighthearted shock. "He would have carried you both on his hands and given his life to protect you. Jake he would have taught you - to ride a motorcycle behind my back and e would have driven you - Leah - to your first date. You could have wrapped him around your little finger, which you tried to do with me many times in vain. Grounding he would have lifted just to go into the woods with you ..." I now began to explain and the faces of the two brightened up considerably when they now got to hear from me what kind of a person Jacob was. It wasn't nearly as reverent as he had been as a wolf. He was a man who would have done anything for his children and come up with some pranks with them. "He would have loved and trusted you unconditionally and would be proud of you!" When I finished there was a small tear in my eye as I pulled Jake and Leah into my arms.
We headed back, but my two kids continued to talk.
"Seth showed us those vampires, too," Jake whispered almost apologetically.
My muscles tensed involuntarily.
"Ever since we saw them at school, I've wondered how you could have survived vampires and what you wanted from them or they wanted from you."
"You loved one of them," Leah now whispered. "Edward."
I froze and looked to the ground, ashamed and shocked, when she mentioned his name. In my head, my thoughts rolled over.
I was angry with Seth. That's my business. My past. He had gone too far with that. What else had he said and shown my children? What could he have told and shown them anyway? Jacob had become a wolf only after Edward was gone.
On the other hand, I was grateful to Seth. This way I didn't have to confess it to Leah and Jake.
To confess was the right term for it. Humans and vampires did not belong together. Hunter and prey. Lion and lamb. How should one be able to explain this? Seth felt it was his job to tell everything he knew. Of course, he even had to say how I felt to these vampires. Or felt at the time.
"I was willing to give up my humanity to be with him," I admitted after a moment in which the ground swayed slightly.
My children looked at me with horrified eyes.
I hid my face in my hands and turned away from both of them.
They had a right to the whole truth. I couldn't lie to these two. Not even when it came to HIM.
"Mom, how could you have thought that?" asked Leah shocked.
"You can't be serious!" retorted Jake with equally unrelenting and ice-cold words that cut me straight to the heart.
I sat down on the small staircase in front of Sam's house, which we had reached again in the meantime.
"Carlisle, Esmé, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett and ... Edward," I listed everyone in their family and began to tell them everything. Our meeting each other in biology class, his attempts to stay away from me, his selfishness when he gave it up, his family, the happy summer, my eighteenth birthday. The end. The beginning of my darkest time. His farewell. I was not good enough for him. His promise. I could go on living my life undisturbed by him. They would never bother me again. It would be as if he had never existed. He would quickly find a distraction.
At the end of my memories, all of which I told my children, I was sobbing and they both had their arms around me to comfort me.
"You don't want to see them again?" asked Jake when I regained my composure.
"None of them?" Leah probed more closely.
"No. Never," I said convincingly and took a deep breath. I was not good enough for them. For him. To deny this would be blasphemy. I had understood that by now. Therefore, I no longer felt anger when I thought of Edward. There was still the pain and the unspeakable sadness from that time, but only as a mirror of memory, which no longer gave me the feeling that I could not go on living.
At the house, Jake and Leah fell into bed practically already asleep, and I went back to sleep myself.
Coming to terms with my vampiric past had drained me. But I still had to think about what was to become of me and mine now.
In the days that followed, I saw my children regularly. Whenever a meal was prepared.
The muscles of both of them became more pronounced, they grew a bit taller and their facial features lost their childishness. Their innocence.
They practiced daily with Seth to understand, trust, and control the wolf within. Sam and Paul also kept them company and divulged their own experiences and opinions on the matter. In the meantime, the normal 'day/night' cycles had been restored.
I visited all the people I knew in the area.
I even went to the movies in Port Angeles with Angela and Ben.
Jessica hung out with me like when she had been my best friend in school, which surprised me more than anything.
But I had been doing a lot of thinking and talked with Emily and Sue. I also talked with Jake and Leah for a long time, about what should become of us now. I it didn't take long. As soon as the joy of seeing everyone again died down, all I wanted to do was leave. In Forks, my first love had left me and pushed me into a deep dark and painful hole from which I thought I would never emerge. In La Push, Jake brought me back to life, filled the hole with affection, was my sun, and showed me again the love I thought I could never feel again, only to die fighting for my life. I liked living in Saco. I had a nice house, an interesting and well-paid job, and good friends. It had become my home. Jake and Leah basically knew nothing else. Neither of them barely remembered life with Renée. They'd been too little. They had everything in Saco. So, we would go back there! Our life was there! Those specific Vampires showing up had nothing to do with me. It was just another city where they sought a diversion. A stopover that meant no more to them than any other place in the world. In a few years, they would move on.
My children gave me their word to not to give them any clue that I was their mother.
They promised not to think about me or otherwise act conspicuously so HE would have absolutely no suspicion that I was there. To not even to think that they were wolves. So, with very good luck, they would never know that I lived there.
Who believes anyway that Bella could have this luck in the long run? Then the story would be over very quickly.
Sandra (Psy1980)
Thanks for reading!
