Hello, dear readers!
Today is a holiday in our country, Mary Conception. Therefore, I gift you a chapter.
Good entertainment. Verena
Chapter 16
The First Look 1
Edward
'Are you willing to do anything Bella might ask you to do this?' Carlisle's question echoed inside me.
I was still sitting there leaning against a tree and hadn't really moved after the twins left for class.
Bella was here. I had done a lot to her. Carlisle's question took on new meaning as a result.
I drove to the hospital, but this time I didn't need my father's advice. I knew what I had to do and ignored Alice's text message.
"Hello, Edward. Has something happened?" Carlisle immediately asked. I was supposed to be sitting in school after all.
"No," I immediately reassured him. "Can I speak with you for a moment or did I come at an inconvenient time?"
He nodded and led the way to his small office.
I didn't know the way yet, otherwise I would have waited for him there.
"Well, what can I do for you?" he calmly smiled at me and asked me to sit down, but I didn't want to keep him long and remained standing.
"I have an answer to your question!" I announced.
"And you came all the way here for this?" he asked suspiciously.
I nodded.
"To warn you," I said, and in Carlisle's mind, deliberations hail down on him from all sides.
Fear that I was doing the wrong thing in his eyes, distrust because I wanted to warn him. The question of what I was trying to warn him about, whether the wolves had anything to do with it, and so much more.
"It's Bella," I interrupted his thoughts, which immediately began to sort themselves out.
He was still looking for a reason for the warning.
"So, what is the answer to my question?" he now asked, endeavoring to keep his own opinions a secret.
I smirked. I knew them already.
"I'm willing to do anything Bella asks me to do!" I clarified.
He smiled reassured and saw Bella as an everyday guest in our house again. As part of our family, as she had been in the past.
"And what do you want to warn me about?" he asked skeptically.
"Jake showed me some memories ... Bella could call for my annihilation and I will not deny her that. She has every right to it," I explained as calmly as possible.
My father turned pale and the gleam of his eyes became cold and hard.
"What makes you think that?" He didn't doubt my judgment. Not anymore. But he did not know the reasons.
"I did a lot of harm to Bella when I left her behind. Much more than we expected."
"Surely it wouldn't have been that bad," Carlisle doubted.
"On the contrary, it was. None of us expected that she could die from it," I began to explain, looking into Carlisle's shocked eyes.
I squinted my eyes together and forced my thoughts elsewhere as he pictured Bella as a pale and lifeless corpse.
"She gave up on life and was just waiting for death to come for her. She never let anyone get close to her and cut herself off from the world. Only one man managed to free her from this hopelessness. This man was then killed by Victoria. The father of the twins. After that, Bella wanted to help death itself," I continued to explain and my heart contracted painfully at these brief memories. Bella without will to live. That was not allowed to be!
Carlisle put a hand over his mouth in shock and just muttered a shaken, "Oh, no. So, you're here to ..." Carlisle continued quietly.
"... to tell you why I possibly won't be coming home," I said in a firm voice. I didn't think Bella would asked it. Bella was good. But the possibility existed. Especially if she left the decision to her children. If they told Bella about what had happened this morning, she might get so frightened and become scared that Jake and Leah would change their minds about me again. Even though we had not parted as enemies earlier. Friends would be too close a term, but the foundation of our enmity was broken.
"You're going to go to her?" Carlisle asked.
"Of course. I need to see her ... I will ask Bella for forgiveness and submit myself to her judgment. Even if it means she never wants to see me again."
"I understand," Carlisle composedly replied, aware of the scope of my words.
"Don't tell the others that Bella lives here and what the twins have to do with it. Maybe I hurt her so much that she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of you either."
Carlisle nodded and took me in his arms in a fatherly way.
"And one more warning," I added with a smirk.
Nothing could shock Carlisle now. Mainly because, by all appearances, it cheered me up. He still looked at me suspiciously though.
He didn't want to hear about any more dangers. It was already enough for him that he could lose his son.
"The others know what Samantha did to me."
"Then maybe I should be more concerned about Samantha's life than yours," he smiled slightly, however he meant it.
He couldn't imagine Bella claiming my life, but he certainly knew what his other children were capable of.
I left the hospital and drove home.
No one was there. Esmé was still working, which I was relieved about.
I went into Carlisle's study, took a piece of paper, and wrote a note for Bella that I would slip under her door later. I took another sheet and wrote another note. Folding both pieces of paper, I carefully and pocketed them. Then left my car keys on the table.
I smirked bitterly at my thoughts. There was no highway in the afterlife.
Then I ran into the forest and hunted.
Extensively. Purely a precautionary measure – just like in the past.
Until it was late enough to go to Bella.
I stood at the edge of the forest and saw through the windows.
I recognized the kids and Becky in the kitchen, but Bella wasn't visible. She was at home, that I could recognize by the thoughts of the children. Also, that her foot was apparently injured and therefore sat in the living room.
Under the cover of the trees, I walked around the property and slowly strode toward the front door. I took one deep breath and froze.
Her smell! I hadn't smelled her in so long. Even amongst the stench of the wolves, I could perceive quite clearly her floral aroma and it intoxicated me immediately, even though it was faint. In a pleasant way, not dangerous for her.
I then knocked softly on the door.
It was just loud enough that Bella would have heard it, but it didn't reach the kitchen. SHE had to come here - no one else.
I heard a hobble on the other side of the door and it was only six feet away. I slid my note under the door.
I had promised never to touch her life again. So even if she wanted to have me killed, I had to stick to it for now. I couldn't just break my word. It had to be entirely her decision whether my promise should continue to apply. Neither I nor Jake nor Leah were allowed to take it away from her. I had no choice but to bend to her will.
After a moment I didn't hear any more movement and put a hand against the wood of the door, as if I could be closer to her that way.
It seemed to truly bring her closer to me. I thought I could feel the pulsation of her heart, which I could already hear. She was standing right behind the door. My Bella.
I closed my eyes and imagined her.
Not my imaginary Bella. The real Bella. The one my heart was pining for. No matter what she would do to me, I wanted to see her. More than anything, I wanted to look at that face again. Sink into those big chocolate eyes. Hear her wonderful voice say my name. Feel her soft, warm skin on mine. No ... That was too much to hope for. I was not entitled to so many dreams.
"Edward," I heard my angel.
That didn't sound like the self-assured woman I had heard through Jake's thoughts. It sounded like an unconscious reaction, emotionless. However, her voice was enchanting.
How had I not been able to recognize her voice immediately on Monday? What a fool I was not to be able to assign this melodious sound to Bella right away. But I had been fixated on Bella's youthful voice through my hallucinations and had not accounted for the change of timbre brought on by age.
"Yes, Bella. I'm here," I said as quietly as possible, but as loudly as necessary.
I didn't want to scare her in any way and waited patiently. I directed quick prayers to heaven that Bella would open the door. I was not allowed to influence her. Absolutely not. It had to remain her decision. But everything inside me was longing for Bella. My senses that wanted to see, hear, smell and especially feel Bella. My mind, wanted to say goodbye to the hallucination in order to concentrate completely on the true Bella. My heart. It screamed for her so violently that it pained me.
But she didn't open the door. She didn't move.
I could still perceive her just beyond the door. Heard her little heart beating incessantly, her paltry attempt at steady breathing, her smell that befuddled my mind. I wanted more of it. I needed more of it. I shouldn't say anything more. It had to be her decision. But I couldn't. Everything inside me collapsed. I needed to see Bella. Now.
"Bella ... Please," I begged her.
It was a cry for help that came from the deepest corners of my heart. A heart that had not beaten for a hundred and six years, but was violently killed once again nineteen years ago. By my own hand. This morning it had resumed its service. Weak. Animated by a hope. But that closed door made it fall slowly and agonizingly silent again.
I heard something.
Bella shifted her weight and held her breath.
Would she open it?
The door unlocked.
Immediately I raised my head and opened my eyes.
No matter what Bella would tell me, even if she wanted to condemn me, I couldn't let a moment, no matter how fleeting, slip away from me. I would take her image into the unending raging flames of hell and cling to it.
Slowly she opened the door and I looked into the most beautiful face that had ever existed. And in the middle of it, I sank into her dark eyes that were so deep. But her eyelids began to flutter and her irises to turn upward.
She was not breathing! She fainted!
In a flash I overcame the two steps that separated us and gently caught her. One arm around her shoulders, the other around her waist.
"Bella!" I whispered, startled, and settled down with her in the middle of the floor just as her children appeared in the hallway.
"What did you do?" asked Jake angrily, as he came running toward us.
His body shook with tension.
"Nothing," I answered purely intuitively.
Bella was in my arms, her head against my chest. I felt her warmth. The hot breath penetrated through the thin fabric of my shirt. Nothing would be able to distract me now from not savoring this for as long as I possibly could. Uninterruptedly I looked into her pale face. I sucked in her scent deeply.
How warm she was!
"Then why is she unconscious?" Leah scathed at me.
Only in passing did I notice that Becky took the note from Bella's hand, read it and passed it on to the other two.
"You left the decision up to her?" asked Jake incredulously.
"Of course. Anything else would be out of the question. I didn't mean to ambush her," I calmly clarified and gently stroked her cheek. How soft her skin was!
I was too concentrated on Bella to distract myself with the thoughts of the three of them, or even to take my eyes off her.
My Bella - in my arms! I still couldn't believe it. She looked so peaceful. Yes ... I could weather hell with this memory.
Cautiously, I lifted my head to look at the children after they didn't stir for a long time.
I had no idea what my face was telling them, but their expressions relaxed and became curious.
Gingerly, I lifted Bella from the floor. Without averting my eyes from her, I entered the living room.
Becky and Leah walked by me, fixing up tons of pillows, or pushing them off the sofa altogether. Gently, I placed her there and knelt beside her while Jake straightened her legs and repositioned an ice pack on her ankle. Leah took one of her mother's hands and held it gently.
"Bella," I whispered as I stroked her head with one hand and held one of hers, driving my thumb over the back of it with my other.
Her pulse and breathing slowly calmed down. She had abruptly become pale, but the color was returning to her cheeks.
Soon she opened her eyes again and kept looking at me.
"Edward," she breathed to me.
Everything was spinning in my head for a moment.
My name. From her mouth. With her voice. I thought I never heard anything more beautiful. She still sounded a bit weak, but was undoubtedly back to her senses.
"Hello, Bella," I whispered tenderly, internally bracing myself for her outburst. I had no doubt that it would come. If not immediately, then later. I had done far too much to her for her to simply ignore everything.
"What are you doing here?" she asked softly and hesitantly.
The cute little wrinkle between her eyebrows appeared.
"I wanted to see you."
"Why?"
"One thing at a time," I answered evasively, but smiled my crooked smile at her. "Are you feeling better?" I asked instead.
"I think so," Bella said, already a bit more composed, but her eyes barely let me escape and I was very satisfied with that.
"What happened to your ankle?" I asked after two minutes, during which Bella's vitals completely calmed down, but she continued to look at me.
Immediately, her facial features changed.
"None of your business!" she apparently meant to sound mad, but it had become only a stifled rumbling. She grumpily pushed all hands away from her to emphasize her mood.
Not only mine, but also her children's.
Leah smiled and held up the answer to my question over the back of the sofa, so Bella couldn't see it.
I smirked.
A dark blue women's shoe with quite a high heel. Quite high by Bella's standards, at least.
"May I?" I asked, but didn't wait for her answer, instead immediately turned to her graceful feet.
"No!" Bella protested vociferously, but I ignored her.
Due to the injury my cold fingers were far too soothing for Bella to fight back further against an examination. Not to mention how I enjoyed caressing her. With a lot of touching, I carefully palpated the bones.
I was able to quickly determine that nothing had been broken, but my senses were obviously playing a trick on me.
Had Bella's heart skipped a beat when I touched her?
I examined her foot a little more thoroughly than would have been necessary. I grabbed her ankle with my whole palm and moved the joint a little.
There! There it was again!
A satisfied smile settled on my mouth.
Her heart had not forgotten me.
"Since YOU live here, surely is there a very well-stocked medicine cabinet?" asked and she glared at me, angrily. A stunning gaze.
Her children, on the other hand, smirked.
She was being stubborn, folding her arms in front of her chest and looking away after sticking her tongue out at me. I chuckled. It reminded me of the past, when we met back when she was younger. Her children, on the other hand, were shocked. They had never seen their mother do anything so silly.
"What do you need?" Jake then asked, who by now was also chuckling.
"What do you guys have?" I inquired, and Jake motioned for me to follow him.
We went up the stairs and I saw five doors leading off the hallway on the upper floor.
Two went toward the front of the house, which named the rooms as those of Jake and Leah, in large colorful letters that had surely been there since kindergarten. To the right the first door was closed, but the second was ajar and I recognized a bathroom as I passed.
Jake led me through the last door on the right at the far end of the hallway.
Bella's bedroom. Her wonderful aroma hung everywhere. A very pretty room. The walls were mostly painted white. Only the wall behind the wide black bed was light gray and the saying 'Carpe Noctem' was painted in large curved characters. I had seen its counterpart 'Carpe Diem' in the living room. A bedside table, a dresser, and a armoire opposite the bed. All in light maple. There were enough subtle splashes of color through pictures, knickknacks, bedding, curtains, and rugs to make the room appear cozy overall. Esmé could have set it up, everything fit together so coherently. The only thing that really stood out was an oversized armchair under one of the windows, glowing in colorful neon colors.
We continued into an adjoining bathroom and Jake opened a small cabinet.
It was just as I had expected. The medicine cabinet contained everything that was necessary in a family. Thermometers, mild painkillers, cold remedies, Band-Aids and so on. The usual stuff. And the two compartments below contained everything that was necessary for Bella. Countless bandages, splints, and other bandages for all parts of the body. Ointments, creams, tablets, and even painkillers for sprained, bruised, dislocated, overstretched, or factured bones and joints. And a bottle of stronger painkillers.
"Why are you here? What are you going to do with my mom?" Jake now asked seriously, while I looked more closely at the medications to pick out the right one for Bella.
I turned to him because he deserved to have me look him in the eye as I did so.
"I will not go on living without Bella!"
"And if she doesn't want you?" he continued to ask, even thinking for a brief moment about the possibility that I would use force to subdue Bella. However, he quickly dismissed the thought.
I didn't say anything, but just kept looking at him and eavesdropping on his musings until he got to the right one.
'... you will not go on living!'
I just nodded, and Jake was a little startled at the seriousness reflected in my face.
"You don't seem to like that thought," I noted, surprised by it.
"No. I don't. But I can't tell you why. After all, I wanted to end you myself. Just this morning," Jake admitted, straining to find a reason for his change of mind.
I considered it with him, but found just as little explanation as to why Jake should be grieved in any way over my death.
"If you break her heart again ..." he began to threaten me with all authority.
Again, no sign of a seventeen-year-old boy and I took him seriously.
"... you will kill me. And I will come to you voluntarily to receive my punishment!" I finished his sentence with all sincerity.
Thanks for reading!
