Have a great New Year's Eve tomorrow and a happy - and especially healthy - New Year 2022!


Chapter 26

Lonely Thoughts


Leah


Once we were down the first few steps, I immediately urged Jake back up the stairs and into his room. Quietly, I closed the door.

"Wow ...," Jake said in disbelief.

I just nodded.

We had never seen Mom like this with a man yet.

Jake and I had wished a lot that Mom would find a man. She was pretty, smart, funny, and quite cool for a mom. There was no reason to us why she was alone; she shouldn't be alone.

But it was not only for her that we had wished for this. Also, for us. We had always been a little envious of our friends, who always told all the great things they did with their father. We had only had one Mom. We had never been unhappy about that. Mom really tried hard to be both for us. Mother and father. And we loved her for it, even if we had learned to appreciate it much too late what she really did for us.

How many mothers had there been who took their children go-karting or played soccer or baseball with them themselves? But still, especially for Jake, it hadn't been easy not having a dad. Camping trips, tinkering with cars, building a tree house and things like that. Mom had never been able to give him that.

On the other hand, there had always been the fear that a man would take our mother away from us. That we would then no longer play a role in her life.

I vaguely remembered one guy. Jake and I were small. It was the first memories I had of this house. We had probably just moved in here. There was a man. I remembered how he was quite tall and intimidating. Perhaps this impression was just because I had been so small myself. But I still had a sentence in my head that he had said to us in a hard voice: 'You go to your rooms and play alone!' I couldn't remember how often he had actually said that.

And now Mom was standing down there. In the arms of a man. Man? Boy? He was our age but also not at the same time. It was already a little confusing. She was crying, but God knows she didn't look unhappy. It wasn't hard for me this morning to imagine how in love Mom must have been with Edward back then. Should we be happy now that they seemed to be getting closer, again? I didn't know what to make of all this. The whole morning had already been strange. Not unpleasant, but strange. It had been kind of ... nice. Edward was affectionate to Mom, but also kind of affectionate to us. He had brought us both coffee just as her, too, had fetched rolls - although that had only been a silly joke, helped us make breakfast and clean up afterwards, let us give her her gift first, kept us company while we ate, and ran to her as soon as Mom screamed. He had left the door to Mom's bedroom open when he woke her.

I couldn't put into words exactly how that appeared to me.

It was as if he didn't want to separate her from us. That was a really sweet gesture. I guessed Carlisle was right. Edward would never come between us and Mom, but would always stand a step back. Behind us.

"We really need to go!" Jake interrupted my thoughts.

He looked like the same thoughts had been going through his mind, and I'm sure he wished the same thing, to just disappear quietly so as not to disturb the two of them.

But I nodded.

Mom had to go to work, too.

"Mom. Edward. We're done," we were already calling from the top of the stairs.

Since Mom had never had a boyfriend, I had no idea if she would be kind of embarrassed by such moments in front of us. After all, we were her children.

But the two had only slightly separated from each other and Edward gingerly stroked the last tears from her cheeks.

She had a CD in her hand and I wondered what would be on it for Mom to cry about it.

Somewhat embarrassed, she smiled back at us.

Was that for the hug or because she had been crying?

She quickly ran back to the dining room table to get her cell phone.

"For the tears!" Edward whispered to me as he took his key and some sheets from the dresser and opened the door.

That made sense. Tears were a sign of weakness for Mom and was something she didn't want to let US see, if possible.

Edward nodded.


The drive surprised me a bit.

Mom and Edward were holding hands. Like teenagers. They teased each other. The topic was Mom's work. Apparently, they had already bickered about that yesterday.

When we arrived at the side entrance, Edward got out. Mom gave us both a kiss on the cheek and warned us to behave ourselves and wished us a good time at school.

Edward opened the door and held out a hand for Mom.

He had done the same earlier while boarding. There were other little things, too. He'd pulled her chair back when she'd gotten up, held her jacket out to her, put a hand on her back when she'd walked through the front door. I had only seen this in old movies. I was already a little impressed by Edward. This kind of politeness was from another time. Logical. He came from another time. Gallant would probably be a more appropriate term. When the guys acted like this today, it always seemed like a bad joke and played. But with him it was real.

"Don't get knocked into again!" he reminded Mom, still smiling.

"I'll try!"

"See you this afternoon, Bella," he said farewell in an extremely soft voice and a long kiss on the cheek.

"See you later, Edward," Mom said dreamily.

I shook my head.

We had never seen her like this before.

Edward waited yet a moment before getting back in the car. He turned to us attentively when he saw our serious faces.

"So, let's get one thing straight up front!" Jake began to say calmly.

"You can forget about us calling you 'Dad'!" I clarified and couldn't keep my serious face any longer.

"We're not there yet," he said in a measured tone, turning the car around. "How do you two know ...?" he began to consider, but he didn't speak further, just shook his head slightly.

I had however some idea what he was asking himself.

"How do we know what the other is thinking?" Jake asked with a laugh.

"Yes. I hear your thoughts, but even without you talking or thinking about this saying, you agree and know what the other was getting at. I find that very interesting," he explained.

"We are twins. Get used to it!" we laughed at him and symbolically took each other by the hand.

On the way to school he explained yet that the spare part for the VW Golf was already ordered. Until it arrived and was installed, we should simply ask if we needed a car. He had two others.

"What sort of cars?" asked Jake curiously, while I was still mentally processing this care.

It was nice of him. But I still rolled my eyes. With cars, men could again become small enthusiastic boys.

"A BMW X6 M and a Maserati convertible ... But I won't lend them to you without Bella's permission!"

I laughed.

That's exactly what must have been going through Jake's mind right now. Together with the idea of driving along the coast with Becky in a convertible.

Edward shook his head in disbelief.

I guess I was right.

"And what other cars do you guys have?" Jake asked and Edward listed a lot of expensive cars.

Mercedes AMG, Porsche, Lexus, Jaguar. I lost track and imagined a garage like the one I had once seen on TV. From some sheik in Dubai or something.


The first bell rang as we drove into the parking lot. His family stood together with our group and all were a little surprised that we arrived with Edward. But the group immediately dispersed and the first ones were already going into the building.

"They still don't know what I have to do with you and that Bella is your mother," Edward explained while we were still in the car.

We nodded.

What should we say if one asks us?

"What did you say yesterday about driving my car to the movies?" he dug deeper.

"No one saw the car - except Ben and Becky. Becky knows about you and Ben won't ask," I explained. Ben was not curious by nature. Even if something struck him as odd, he very rarely inquired.

"Perfect. Then I happened to meet you on the street last evening outside the movie theater and offered to give you a ride today. Your house is almost on the way to us."

"Where do you guys live exactly?" Jake now inquired suspiciously.

I was also interested.

We ran around town every morning and every evening. If we didn't know that vampires were in town, we wouldn't have noticed. Except at our house. Edward's nasty sweet stench stuck to it. After only two days. That did not necessarily speak to our talent as wolves.

"Thank you, likewise! You don't smell any better to us. But I'm getting used to it," he evaded answering. "As soon as Bella allows me to reveal her secret, I'll show you," he immediately promised, though.

"Speaking of stench. Won't your family recognize Mom's smell of?" I enquired.

"Not necessarily. It has changed a little from before. Only slightly, but that may already be enough. Besides, your smell is very penetrating. I don't think they'll notice much other than the two of you," Edward mused.

"Would it help if I gave you a quick hug?" I asked cautiously. Mom didn't want to be recognized. If I could help with that, then why not?

"That's very sweet of you, but I don't think it's necessary," he smiled and we got out.

Becky came towards us and jumped into Jake's arms, beaming with joy.

Yes, you were head over heels in love, but wasn't that over the top after all?

"She's driving with you on Saturday," Edward whispered to me as he put an arm around my shoulders.

I grinned.

'Not necessary, hmmm ...?'

"Better safe than sorry," he whispered back and immediately took his arm off me again.

That explained Becky's reaction and I smiled in satisfaction.

Ben was waiting for me, took me in his arms, and kissed me intensely.

The kiss was necessary. It was already very late for our first kiss of the morning. Mom didn't know that Jake dropped me off by Ben's every morning and then I drove to school with him, and I somehow didn't have the heart to tell her. It had come about by chance. When I forgot my cell phone at his house one evening, I had practically begged Jake on my knees to stop by Ben's house before school. I had had some text messages in my phone that I was embarrassed about. At the time, I didn't know that Ben wasn't nosy.

"Hey, Jake. Look," Jason stopped him.

I also involuntarily looked in the direction indicated and my body tensed.

Michael stood at the edge of the school grounds, surrounded by his followers. His eye still had a distinct yellow-green rim.

Very nice, I thought with satisfaction.

Edward held Jake back a moment and whispered something to him.

Had he warned him? Did he hear something in their thoughts?


"Tell me, what's going on with you and Edward?" Lisa asked me in a whisper as I sat in my seat next to her in class.

"Um ... what?" I asked, confused.

"Well ... you come here with him and then he puts his arm around you," she explained her question to me in more detail.

I smirked.

She had not seen that Edward had immediately let go of me, because she had disappeared into the building.

"Nothing. He just gave us a ride because something broke on our VW Golf," I explained.

"Well, then ..." she smiled, satisfied. Her gaze was telling.

"Do you want something from him?" I inquired, finding it somehow ... unbelievable.

"Come on. Edward is hot!" she purred, but we were immediately admonished by the teacher to be quiet.

I let it run through my mind.

Edward? Hot? Somehow these terms didn't fit together in my head. Edward was a vampire. What was hot about that? I smirked. He was cold! But of course, Lisa didn't know that. I didn't get anywhere like that.

I tried to view Edward with an opened mind.

The class was almost over when I came to agree with Lisa. At least when viewed objectively. To me, they were just vampires. But Edward looked damn good. Not only him, though. Also, his siblings - both the boys and the girls. There must have been some at our school who secretly had hope. Especially with Edward, since he was the only one not together with anyone.

"He looks way too good to be alone!" Lisa said as we headed off in different directions after class.

Somehow, I didn't like the way Lisa said that. Lisa looked triumphant. Lisa was indeed my best friend, but I also knew her well enough for that. When she set her mind to something, she didn't give up until she had it. And at the moment she had apparently set her mind on Edward. A feeling arose in me that I had never known before. It had taken me almost the entire second lesson to interpret it.

I was jealous. Lisa had no right to throw herself at Edward. Mom looked so happy this morning.

Ben had noticed that I was thinking about something and not really concentrating on the lesson and nudged me from behind.

"Are you okay, baby?" he inquired.

I just nodded and looked ahead again.

He could have calmed me down if I could tell him what was going through my mind.

But how could I explain it without saying what we all really were? Edward looked seventeen and loved my mom, who was thirty-seven. But it wasn't so wild, since he was actually over a hundred. And, oh yes, he was an immortal vampire. Anything else I forgot? Jake and I could phase into oversized wolves ... I think that's it. For now. Who knows what could come next!

"I can help you somehow?" Ben asked anxiously as I immediately bolted into his arms at the ringing of the bell.

"No. I'm afraid not," I muttered unintelligibly.

I lethargically packed my things. Ben took me to English and 'handed me over' to Jake.


During the lunch break, we all sat together at the same table again. Ben sat next to me on the chair and did not let go of me. His gentle hand was at my waist, while my head rested against his shoulder.

In the meantime, I had gotten my somewhat confused thoughts under control again.

Not only was I not allowed to tell Ben, but also not allowed to tell anyone else. And what Edward did was none of my business.

I looked around impassively and thought about some banalities. The cafeteria food, how pretty Rosalie looked, when the VW Golf would run again, and so on. But I could not distract myself for long.

Samantha was back today and of course sat with us. But with plenty of distance to everyone.

When my eyes met hers there was definite disgust in them. I found that kind of funny. But she hardly took her eyes off of Edward and her eyes sparkled with jealousy. Because he just looked completely smitten. Lisa sat right next to him, leaning towards him, and smiling at him - constantly idolizing him. And he was also smiling charmingly back. I didn't hear what the two of them were animatedly talking about, but that the chemistry between the two was obviously right was hard to miss.

Jake sat on my other side and while Ben was talked to Jasper about PCs, I heard Jake whispering softly to Becky.

They made plans for the weekend at the lake. She wanted to ride on Jake's back again on Saturday. She thought it was totally cool. The speed and Jake's soft shaggy fur.

Before the break was over, I went to the bathroom.

It was empty. Thank God.

I threw my bookbag into a corner and splashed water on my face. But my thoughts remained confused and jumbled, and I was also angry. I huddled down to my bag and began to cry uncontrollably.

Now, to make matters worse, I also felt ridiculous.


The bell had just rung when I realized, through my tear-soaked eyes, that the door opened, and two figures came in and sat down next to me.

"Leah," Jake took me in his arms comfortingly. "What's up with you?"

"That's so unfair," I rumbled. I was furious with him. "You can tell her everything and share everything with her. And I can't tell Ben anything."

Startled, he looked at me.

He knew that I was right. It wasn't fair and I continued to curse about it until I thought I had said everything I didn't like. I had gotten a sore throat from all the cursing.

"I'm sorry," Jake whispered apologetically.

Obviously. What else could he say? He couldn't help me, and it sucked. The only thing I could do was rant vociferously from my soul and that alone did me good.

"But that's not the only thing that's worrying you!" said Edward in a gentle voice that surprised and also reassured me.

I nodded.

"I love your mother. Nothing will ever change that. I meet girls like Lisa in pretty much every city we live in. But in my entire existence, I've never been tempted by anyone other than Bella. She is everything to me," he explained calmly.

My tears had dried up and I was tempted to believe him.

But ... "But you look like you're enjoying Lisa throwing herself at you," I accused him.

He shook his head with a slight smile.

"It is indeed quite convenient for me, yes ... Usually I immediately make it clear that they can save their attempts. I am quite cold to them, to make it really clear. After so many decades, it really sucks to be constantly hit on by girls like that. After all, I can see how they imagine being with me ..." he began and smiled at the same time.

I couldn't help but laugh as well.

That really had to get on his nerves. I wonder how many girls here already imagined being with him.

"You'd be shocked at who's among them. Because you are right about that thought. Since I don't have a mate by my side, many imagine that I would be available. But for most of them it's just pure imagination, without really wanting it. Especially now, when they don't know us yet. We are all like a pretty, interesting new toy in the others thoughts. In a few days, or weeks, it will wear off."

He smiled sentimentally at that and I wondered why.

"Then shock us!" Jake prompted him though.

"Let's just say it's not all students ... And not all of them are female ... But Lisa is your friend. For that reason alone, I won't be as cruel to her as I normally would be. Right now, though, I'm really enjoying, but only because I can use it to annoy Samantha. Annoying doesn't do much … She is mad as hell if I let her believe that I would actually be interested in Lisa. "

"Why?" inquired Jake.

I had the feeling that there was more between Edward and Samantha than we knew before. Not love. That had become clear on Wednesday in the parking lot.

"You're right," he confirmed, then told us how he had changed Samantha and how he had slept with Samantha without meaning to.

I was ... dismayed.

How much Edward had suffered from this separation? What a pseudo-world he had created for himself to weather it. His imagination that my mom was with him as she had been before. I felt a little ashamed, that we had previously thought Edward was a callous asshole. And Samantha was apparently a real beast. Taking advantage of her looks and his desperation was nasty.

"Your mother already knows all of this. I expected her to be angry. But she wasn't."

"She never is, not when you expect her to be," Jake interjected, and he was absolutely right about that.

Mom's tantrums always came out of nowhere.

All three of us smiled.

"And what do I do about Ben now?" I asked again somewhat sourly. It was simply unfair.

"Leah. Consider WHO our father was!" Jake suddenly said meaningfully, looking me tellingly in the eye.

Okay. I considered. Jacob Black. The perfect wolf ... according to Sam and Seth. A not-so-perfect, but seemingly very soulful and fun-loving man ... according to our mom. What was Jake trying to tell me?

He stood up and pulled me by one arm to my feet as well.

"We were not born to follow orders! Especially not YOU!" he continued unmistakably and my eyes widened a little.

Yes. I had forgotten that important piece of information.

Edward looked slightly confused.

"We are the children of the Quileute chief! The Alpha wolf!", Jake explained. "And you are the older of us."

"That means ..." I began, still searching for the right words.

"... that you are the only one giving orders here. Neither Sam, Seth, nor Billy can give me or you any orders when it comes to the wolves. Only you. And if you think it's right to tell Ben, then no one has the right to question that ... Even I don't," Jake declared with conviction.

I was surprised. And intimidated.

I was in charge of our entire tribe? Holy shit!

"That means ..." Edward asked hesitantly, "... if we wanted to renegotiate the treaty ..."

"... you have to deal with Leah ... Have fun with that!" Jake grinned at him.

I imagined myself sitting at a table with Carlisle, negotiating pretty damn hard. Carlisle's wise prudence versus my temper. Even agreeing on the exact name of a new deal would take weeks.

Edward saw my ideas about it and laughed.

So did Jake, who was quite capable of figuring it out for himself.


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