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Chapter 36

Broken


Edward


"Showering," Bella explained, somehow relieved.

A tone of voice that I could certainly understand. I could have asked something completely different.

"But we should, I think, talk to each other," she spoke, saying what I was about to.

"I see it that way, too ... Do you really have as many plans today as you said earlier?" I inquired.

Yes, we had to talk to each other. I still had some things on my mind that I wanted to tell her. And from the way Bella looked at me, she felt the same way. But not in passing. I could imagine very well that she was confused. That she already forgot or refused to believe my few words. That she did not know what the earlier kiss meant. And what a kiss it had been! I thought I was burning pleasantly from the inside out. Why didn't we ever kiss like this earlier? ... Because your damn rules never allowed it, you idiot! You wanted to protect her from every danger, also from yourself ... If I had already felt Bella so intensely before, I would never have been able to leave her!

And now it was difficult for me to leave her alone. But I had been able to assert myself at least so far that I helped her as long as Cathlyn was not yet there.

Bella doubted that I knew anything about cleaning and tidying. Because apparently the bathrooms also were on her household list for Saturday, which should not really surprise me.

She had been very neat even then and regularly cleaned the rooms in Charlie's house. Only the tidiness in her own room had been a little lacking.

I had to bitterly disappoint her condescending gaze.

"Esmé doesn't allow us a cleaning staff and she herself only takes care of her own home, not her children's homes," I explained, truthfully.

There were two reasons for this opinion. First, domestic staff were a risk factor for us. Employees inevitably gained a deep insight into our lives, which inevitably led to inconsistencies. In the case of cleaners, this was all the more true because we would have had to prepare the kitchen and bathroom for extensive use beforehand. That would be more troublesome than cleaning it ourselves right away. On the other hand, it was an educational measure of Esmé. God knows cleaning was not one of my favorite things to do, but I had no problem with it, especially since it only took me a few minutes for the entire house.

So, I poured Bella yet another coffee and asked where she hid the cleaning supplies.

The cup wasn't even half empty when I was already finished. She checked my work with a very critical gaze. In the two bathrooms upstairs and in the guest bathroom down here, which she thought I had overlooked on purpose.

While she - still a bit stunned - went to take a shower, I put away her breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and moved the furniture back to the way it had stood on Wednesday.

All of this was works that I was actually not used to doing. Like the past two days, helping Bella with washing, cleaning up, and cooking. Household chores. As was the task of women or wives in my lifetime. I smirked. My biological father would probably be disappointed or even shocked if he saw me doing this. I could very well imagine what he would say. 'Women's stuff. That's beneath a man's dignity!' The outdated views of a gentleman at the beginning of the nineteenth century. I was sure that he would not even have known where a broom could be found in our house at that time. Even if I had once grown up with that mindset, I didn't feel humiliated for doing all kinds of things in this house. It gave me pleasure to be able to help Bella in this way.

Such a pretty, clever, and sensitive woman like Bella should not dwell longer than necessary on the trivialities of the household, but enjoy the beautiful things in life. In me, for example!

The children's rooms were next, but there only the beds needed to be freshly made and vacuumed.

While I was there, I looked at some of the pictures and photos that were hanging on the walls and Bella almost volunteered to tell me how it came to some souvenirs.

Memories of childhood, painted pictures from kindergarten, photos with their friends, a snow globe from Paris, a model car made of Legos ... No question, the children had a very happy childhood.

"You said earlier that Esmé didn't care about her children's houses?" she then asked, while she sat on the kitchen counter after we had put the sheets in the washing machine.

Bella was finished with the duties of a housewife, which made me very happy.

"Then you have your own house this time?" she asked curiously.

I wasn't sure if she remembered that it was rather rare that we ALL lived in one house like in Forks. So, I told her about our current living situation, which we were very satisfied with.

She bit her lower lip when I mentioned the price of the property.

I wouldn't have said it, but she had asked. Those poor lips! I thought worriedly, and immediately found myself right in front of her, even though I had made myself promise to spare Bella with any confidignesses until we had speaked out.

With my thumb I gently stroked the light bite mark and pulled her mouth towards me.

These velvety lips could not be treated like that by anyone. However, it had not been my imagination earlier! It really felt so breathtaking. Her soft seductively sweet lips clouded my mind and shook my insides. I hardly heard anything, except the hammering of her heart and irregular breath of both of us.

I pulled her closer to me, wanting to feel her body against mine like before, and she wrapped her legs around my hips.

Deeply I sucked in her aroma and I let my hands slide along her. Over her thighs, along her sides, her arms, her hair. Uninterruptedly I played with her lips and she with mine. I kissed her, nibbled gently on her, stroked her with my tongue.

I didn't know how much time had passed when the front doorbell rang and we were both out of breath.

I let my head hang for a moment.

For one thing, because I really had to pay better attention. Yesterday I hadn't noticed Leah's return and now I overheard Cathlyn standing at the front door. I was still wondering how I could have noticed the kids this morning. Well. Jake's thoughts were normally pretty loud. For another, which was much worse, I would have to leave now, and would not be allowed to continue kissing Bella.

I had to smirk as I looked at Bella again.

She looked offended and had slightly swollen lips.

"I'll be back in a few hours," I promised, giving her yet another quick kiss and lifting her off the countertop.

She walked in the direction of the front door.

Rather, she swayed in that direction.

I hurriedly put my hands at her waist from behind.

"Will that work?" I teased her.

"Skedaddle already!" she directed me with a stern index finger.

Smiling. And a little embarrassed!

I obeyed after brushing yet another kiss on her forehead.


First, I had to go home. Take a shower. Bella's lovely smell clung to me. It didn't bother me at all, but it might give Bella away if my family thought about how they knew this bouquet.

Then I went to Carlisle, who was already waiting for me.

Of course. I had destroyed his new daughter. Strictly speaking it was not I, but the wolves that had done it, but that was hairsplitting. I would have done it had the children not been present and very eager in their thoughts to do it themselves. Carlisle had definitely had some time to think about that.

To my surprise, however, no one else was around. The rest of my family was hunting on the Canadian border.

Carlisle had arranged it that way. If I had known that beforehand, I would not have taken a shower.

"How is Bella?" he asked immediately.

I smirked.

She sways through her house with swollen lips! ... But he didn't want to know that.

"Better than could be expected," I answered instead, but just as truthfully. "She did have a nightmare tonight, but it must not have been about Samantha ... More about me alone ... The children were restless, though."

"Restless?" he asked more specifically.

"Jake was drenched in sweat and all his muscles tense when I woke him up. It's no wonder, though. She was the first vampire they killed," I explained, and Carlisle mulled it over from a medical standpoint.

The children were still young and inexperienced; moreover, it was not about just anyone, but about their mother. In this respect, he could understand the reprocessing in dream. He was more worried about Bella in this, though. He also knew, of course, that it wasn't the first attack on her and would have expected some shock reaction. Me, too, actually.

"Bella never does what you expect her to do!" I reminded him.

He nodded in understanding and then called for a detailed report about what exactly had happened.

Samantha had actually run to her just out of curiosity, without having a plan. Because I was apparently feeling better than before and because of Emmett, who in turn had announced his own curiosity about this woman, which could be responsible for my mood. But that she then met Bella, of all people, had puzzled her. Her subsequent considerations had taken a very strange course. Healthwise highly precarious. Bella's death should free her herself!

"Did we really always compare Samantha to Bella?" I asked Carlisle in conclusion.

"Maybe more than we were aware of," he admitted affectedly, thinking about how often it had happened, seemingly unconsciously and how Samantha kept reacting to it. He felt guilty for not noticing her mode of behavior and ours.

"Where did your doubts about her come from?" I now asked.

Until now, he had kept silent about this - also in his thoughts - and had only ever needed reports from me about Samantha's missteps.

"There were a lot of little things that fueled my doubts, but none of them were enough to solidify my concerns ... For example, she once gave Esmé a very scowling gaze after reprimanding Samantha for something. But it was only a trifle and so fleeting from Samantha that I passed it over. Also, her moods were changing very quickly. I thought it was a gift at first, but Samantha just seems to have been very unstable psychologically. Jasper shares this view in retrospect ... I have already told them the truth about Samantha. Except for Esmé, none of them were extraordinarily upset."

"But ..." I began. Bella was not yet ready to reveal herself.

"Bella's identity continues to be secret!" but Carlisle immediately deflected, thinking of a family conference I was unaware of. He noticed my unknowability. "You missed a lot tonight," Carlisle then began to enlighten me.

After walking back home from Bella's tonight, Alice, Rose, Jazz and Em came his way. Alice had gotten a vision of Samantha when she made the decision to destroy someone agonizingly. But Alice had not seen who it was. Nor whether I had anything to do with it. They were on their way to stop Samantha. Carlisle had stopped them in the middle of the forest.

"Everyone is sure that you are in love, in a sense, and that this is about the mother of wolves. But so far, no one has a guess that it's about Bella."

"In a sense?" I inquired in astonishment.

"Yes. Jasper still feels your love for Bella, which has never changed. Neither in intensity nor in the suffering it still causes you."

I nodded morosely.

It actually did. Because Bella had not yet forgiven me for my behavior back then. Because I had not yet been able to ask her for forgiveness. But I would make up for that right away.

"But he said it would be different now than before. Apart from the fact that your mood is naturally better overall, there is an excited tension in you that makes him believe in a just beginning affection. It seems possible for everyone that you have only found a very good friend. You have established enough confusion with your behavior and your refusal to give any reason ... Samantha's fatal decision towards this stranger was justification enough for them."

I nodded.

No one questioned my actions. It was the second time I defended my love to a family member. But Rose and Jazz had the decency to tell me. Before!

"I've been wondering all along why Alice hasn't noticed anything yet," I then remarked. After all, she had 'threatened' to watch me.

"It seems to be because of the children ... After Emmett reported your phone call, Alice tried to see you. She wasn't successful."

"When exactly was that?", I inquired.

"6:23 p.m."

I smiled.

I had been in the kitchen with Leah, talking about my experience from one college or the other.

"Based on that, Emmett, and later Rose, told her that you asked them to watch the twins. Alice then wanted to take a look at the children. Seeing if there was still nothing wrong with them, as she understands your protective instinct towards them ... She complained of a headache after a while."

Carlisle was smirking as much as I was.

A vampire with a headache? I still felt sorry for Alice. I would sincerely apologize to her for making her suffer because of my sweet secret. Maybe I could even save myself the trouble if I brought Bella back to her in return.

"But when I got to Samantha tonight, after she had already made her decision, the children were not there yet. Why couldn't Alice recognize Bella at that moment?" I wondered.

"How it is all connected, I can't tell you. Alice doesn't seem to be able to see anything that is connected with the wolves ... Bella is their mother. None of the three choose to come back home and live their lives together. They do it simply because they belong to each other. Thus, Bella would be too strongly linked to the twins' unrecognizability and be outside Alice's vision, even if the children are not present ... But I'm really in the dark on this and can only make assumptions."

"Whatever it is, it protects my secret from Alice!" I stated, feeling very satisfied with that.

We went to Samantha's room, packed everything together and disposed of it all.

I still had time. Unfortunately.

Meanwhile, we continued talking until it was finally late enough for me to get back to Bella.

I had a hard time keeping to the agreed time.

At some point in the afternoon, I had had a strange feeling. An uneasy feeling. As if Bella needed me.

I had told Carlisle about this morning and he blamed my sudden restlessness on my longing, triggered by my own enthusiastic words.

He admonished me.

Bella was obviously a mature woman, with a life of her own. I needed to get out of the habit to run to her as I had before, at the smallest sign or an uncertain feeling, because I had convinced myself that I had to protect her from something,

I had to admit that at that time, I had exaggerated a few times. But my restlessness still remained.


I took the BMW.

Maybe I would need the car. If I took Bella out to dinner or to the movies this evening, or if she wanted to visit my family, or if she had something to do, or if she had to go shopping. Bella was unpredictable, you could never know what to expect.

It was as quiet as a mouse in the house. I only heard her regular heartbeat somewhere in the living room.

I rang the bell and waited impatiently.

It was about to happen. I would be able to look into her face again - see her beautiful brown eyes, her blood-flushed cheeks, her full lips. And how those lips tasted!

But nothing happened. Her heartbeat remained motionless in the place where I heard it. I became nervous.

"Bella?" I called out, starting to get worried.

She had only wanted to iron. What could happen in the process? Not much, except that it might burn and I would smell that. She could also have fallen down the stairs with the laundry baskets, but then her heart would be pulsing right behind the door.

I received no answer and turned the doorknob.

Locked. Maybe she had just fallen asleep on the sofa.

I walked around the house until I heard something clang.

Lightning fast I ran on and stepped through the unlocked patio door. There was nothing to be seen in the dining room, a quick gaze into the kitchen was equally useless, and then I stood in the passageway to the living room.

I heard a soft whirring sound, but ignored it. Next to the sofa I saw her legs, which only slowly moved.

She mumbled something barely understandable and I smelled her blood.

Immediately I had her bouquet in my nose and on my tongue and ran towards her. The first drops of venom gathered in my mouth with anticipation.

I was startled when I now saw Bella whole.

Pale as a corpse ... with swollen red eyes. The pupils were slow to react. Her long lashes and the cheeks were soaked with tears. Cold sweat on her forehead. Her hair wildly disarranged. Her whole body was tense. She had broken a glass and with her left hand clumsily had grasped into the shards. Various objects lay around her. 'Wuthering Heights'. Two bracelets. Two small bottles of wine ... empty. Popcorn. An opened envelope. A crumpled letter. More empty bottles of strong alcohol that I had still seen in the bar display case this morning, some with considerable residue. And in her right hand she held something I could not yet identify.

"Bella?" I muttered fearfully and crouched down to her.

"Scram!" she hissed back at me, and awkwardly punched in my direction.

I flinched.

What on earth had happened?

I quickly looked around.

Behind her reading couch, the floor lamp was on and a bowl had tipped over there, scattering popcorn across the piece of furniture and the floor.

She was going to read. 'Wuthering Heights'? No.

I saw yet another book on the side table to the couch. It looked new and hid various remotes under it. A gaze over the devices ... the stereo was on and the volume control was at its highest setting. That's where the whirring came from.

She apparently wanted to get herself up. Shakily and unsteadily she moved, slipped and would have landed in the shards again if I hadn't quickly shoved her aside. She lay on the floor again and began to sob.

It hurt me to see her like that.

A new attempt. This time she not only yelled at me; she threw the empty bottles at me. However, her alcohol level prevented her from really hitting me, even though I was right next to her.

Carefully, I sat her upright and leaned her against the sofa. Her glazed eyes sparkled at me.

"Bella?" I asked cautiously, with my cold hands on her heated cheeks.

I wasn't sure if she perceived me at all yet.

"You killed me," she suddenly cursed spitefully at me.

I squinted my eyes together painfully and she continued to scold.

"Fuck off! ... This is my house! ... Bloodsucker! ... Go find some diversion! ... You have Jacob's life on your conscience! ... My town! ... Because of you, my children don't have a father! ..."

Her words hit me harder than anything I had ever experienced. They hit me directly in my silent heart. This was the outburst I had been waiting for since Wednesday. Now of all times ... with a lot of alcohol in her blood. But talking to her now was pointless. She was no longer herself. At least I hoped so, because statements under the influence of alcohol always also contained a spark of truth. Perhaps this afternoon she had however come to the decision to banish me from her life and this realization made her say these words against me. I would have deserved it in any case.

I opened my eyes again.

Bella really needed to go to bed, sleep off her drunkenness, and recover from this nervous breakdown.

I took her bleeding hand and looked at the cuts.

She didn't even seem to notice and kept raging against me.

No cut was particularly deep, nothing needed stitches, and the blood flow was already ebbing. Tiny splinters, however, were pressed into the wound when she had tried to intercept herself from falling.

I did not think about what I was doing. I covered the wounds with my mouth and sucked out the shards. Venom gathered more and more in my mouth in joyful excitement.

How good it tasted! Except for the alcohol, which I also clearly noticed.

Without effort, I gulped down my venom and carefully moved my tongue over the wounds to make sure I had captured all the splinters.

Bella looked at me with her eyes widened in fear.

Silently! Her mind seemed to function so far that she understood that I just drank from her.

My concern for Bella was greater than my desire for her blood.

Her gaze became incredulous as I released her hand without any emotion, lifted her into my arms, and brought her upstairs.

I rubbed her hand with an antiseptic ointment and bandaged it a bit so that she would not tear open the wounds again with a clumsy movement.

I ran downstairs yet again quickly to get a bottle of mineral water, turn out the lights, and turn off the appliances.

Bella would be thirsty when she woke up.

I was curious as I ran through the rooms downstairs. I turned down the volume of the stereo and pressed the repeat button. My music sounded and everything tensed up inside me.

Had my music provoked this fit?

Then I went to the place where I had found her. I opened the letter a little and read that the enclosed bracelets were carved by Jacob Black himself and Billy thought his grandchildren should wear them.

When I returned to the bedroom, Bella was lying on the bed flailing wildly.

Actually, because of her accusations, I had wanted to stay sitting next to the bed, just to watch over her as she slept. But she was too agitated and above all angry to stay lying down.

I held Bella tightly against my chest, with the bedspread over us. Only slowly did she relax and let two crumpled photographs fall from her right hand.

A picture of the two of us and a picture of Jacob Black and her.

Bella sank motionless into a fitful sleep.

Again and again she cried, but she did not say a word that night.

My fear of her waking up grew every minute ...


Thank you for reading!