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Chapter 184
Farewell
Jake
I ran and ran, but my body simply let me down. I wasn't moving anywhere near as fast as I usually could. Or as I had to now. Leah had run away from home, and I was determinedly following her scent. Not that I needed to depend on it at the moment. I sensed which direction she was in and also roughly how far she was from me. Our wolf connection. It was working. However, I was moving sluggishly. I was out of breath and noticed my joints and muscles very very clearly. Snow stuck to the fur of my paws in little balls. Usually this didn't bother me, but today they seemed heavier than usual. But I could not help it. It didn't make me turn around nor stop. I had to go to my sister. But I was shocked that Edward had not exaggerated with a word. Leah's thoughts, shared with me via wolfish telepathy, were black. Simply a black wall of dense fog. Only dimly could a tiny bit of environment be made out behind it. I had thought he was just dramatizing it, but it was really like that. 'What are you up to, Leah?' I thought grimly, but Leah didn't seem to notice me at all in her mind. As creeping as I was on the way, I wasn't surprised that Dad passed me.
I peeked at him remorsefully.
He had forbidden me to phase and run after Leah. Because he assumed I couldn't handle it yet. I should have believed him. The last few days my body had been acting way too human, which is why I was already completely exhausted. With every mile, my limbs hurt more. But I couldn't go back. This was about Leah. The most important person in my life. Directly after Becky, of course.
"It's okay, Jake," he murmured to me, nuzzling along my ears as he ran by.
We continued running in the direction of Leah.
Edward faster than me.
Then I saw where Leah's path led. Vaguely, I recognized the cliff in the woods where we had passed that afternoon when we had been out in the woods with Dad. We had rested up there for a moment, enjoying the magnificent view over the almost untouched nature. It was like standing on the roof of the world. Now that view was marred by the black mist. But then my view was gone by Leah's thoughts. She had phased and I could no longer see anything. I panicked and stepped it up a notch. At least I tried. However, I was still working with an implementation.
I howled noisily through the forest ... in sheer desperation.
My joints burned horribly when I reached the cliff. However, I had misjudged and slipped with my front paws towards the slope.
Damn!
I squeezed my eyes shut.
At the last moment, my mass came to a halt before I slid over the edge.
The front legs actually peeked over the cliff when I carefully opened my eyelids a little. Once again well gone! I remained nevertheless something lying down. I was completely finished with the world and had to let this moment sink a little.
Dad and Leah were down at the bottom of the cliff.
According to this, Leah had apparently actually jumped. I hadn't really seen that, but why else would they already be down there. Clutched tightly by Dad. That was so inconceivable to me. Leah had never been able to understand how any people wanted to end their lives voluntarily. And now she was among those who did. Who were trying.
My own blood was rushing in my ears, so I didn't hear what Dad was saying to Leah down there.
I scrambled to my feet and picked my way safely along the edge.
Slowly. I was still out of breath. Strange feeling. I had already forgotten how something like that was.
When I arrived at Dad and Leah, Dad was putting his cell phone back in his pocket. He had let them know at home that we had found Leah.
I approached my sister on tired paws.
She just lay there, like the past days in her bed. As if she was not really there.
Next to her, I phased.
Doing so made me feel considerably dizzy, but it was only a moment.
Dad nevertheless held me upright with one arm so quickly that I was almost startled.
"I'll be fine," I muttered indistinctly.
Dad eyed me intently, but I didn't respond, instead looking to Leah.
She was pale ... by her standards. And somehow emaciated. As if she could break.
"Carlisle's transfusion is apparently designed for human needs only, not for full-grown predators," Dad explained as he took off his jacket and then his sweater.
The latter we put on Leah.
I could actually bring myself to give a powerless smirk.
Dad wasn't particularly comfortable with Leah being naked in his presence. He had tried to explain that to me once: It was not behooved. That's how he had put it, and it was the full wording. When I started to make fun of it at the time, he had also said that he had in no way addressed his father as Dad. In his day, you said a reverential and respectful 'Sir' when you were no longer a child. However, a memory inevitably came to me at the sight of Leah. Mom. How Seth had shown her to us through Sam's memories. When she was vegetating after my father's death.
"Bella must have felt a lot like Leah does now," Dad mused, but seemingly more to himself. "Can you manage the way home?" he then looked at me.
I nodded.
Perhaps a little overzealous.
"I'll be fine, even if it takes me a little longer," I assured him. I didn't want him to worry about me, too. After all, Leah already gave enough cause for that.
So we ran home, but Dad stayed by my side.
On the way, Leah had one of her seizures, so we rested in the middle of the forest.
For me, a thankful pause.
On the rest of the way we then had to avoid a kindergarten group and several hikers, as the driving snow had stopped in the meantime.
Actually, the weather was really beautiful right now, if you could spare a thought for it. The sun was shining and making the snow glisten. Also my dad. In this respect, it took a while until we were finally home.
I remained lying on the floor in the living room for the time being, while Dad immediately took Leah upstairs. I didn't see Mom anywhere, but then I heard her upstairs rushing across the hall with Carlisle. And Mom was screaming, too. So shrill that I couldn't understand it, but widened my eyes in panic.
Becky sat on the floor with me, my head resting in her lap, and she cuddled through my hair.
This humanity really took some getting used to. I was panting and my muscles were tense everywhere. Only after a few minutes I could take the bottle of water from Becky's hand.
While my circulation slowly calmed down, Becky and I discussed the rest of the day among ourselves.
It was just past 2:30 in the afternoon when I said goodbye to Becky at the front door and watched my car leave.
Becky had had a driver's license since she was sixteen, but she didn't have her own car. She was taken to school by her mom. After class, she either took the bus or came home with friends. At least, that was before she was together with me. Since then I brought her home and since she was in the hospital I also picked her up in the morning. Then in the evenings, her parents' cars were available to her, since they rarely needed both cars at the same time except to get to work.
I went upstairs.
First a quick trip to the bathroom.
Pee and wash a bit of forest from my face and hands.
The door to my parents' bedroom was open.
Mom was lying on the bed and seemed to be asleep, and Carlisle was looking out the window. He looked very thoughtful.
I sat down on the edge of the bed with Mom and took her hand.
She looked as if she had been beaten up. At least on the entire left side of her face. The right was unharmed. There was a band-aid emblazoned on the eyebrow, though I knew from Becky that Carlisle had stitched her there. Above it, you could still make out the marks of the door frame that had slightly scratched the skin, and fine red lines formed patterns on the skin. The entire area around her eye was purple. She had a little laceration on her cheek.
"That looks pretty bad," I whispered.
Carlisle sighed and turned to me.
He seemed kind of old in his own way.
"Yes, but except for the superficial injuries, luckily she only has a mild concussion."
"Dad certainly doesn't blame you!", I said after a moment of looking a little closer at Mom's wounds. I didn't like seeing especially Carlisle so down, plus Becky had told me why Carlisle had left the house. Any of us, no matter who had been here in the house, would have brought the pregnant Sonya home safely.
"No, he doesn't," Carlisle replied, but was manifestly dissatisfied with that.
Sometimes you could really forget that Carlisle wasn't really Edward's father.
Mom's eyes snapped open, and I struggled to smile.
"Hi ...!" was all I said. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
A little indecisive, I told her that everything was fine. I was fine, Leah was safe in her bed, Dad was there. Everything was as good as it could be at the moment.
She just looked at me without moving or saying anything.
I gave her a kiss on the healthy part of her forehead and left again.
Into the opposite room.
Dad sat with Leah.
If Carlisle looked dejected, Dad looked distraught. I don't think he even noticed that I had entered the room.
I walked closer and put a hand on my father's shoulder.
Edward winced a tiny bit in fright under that before looking at me.
"She looks so peaceful," I commented ... with a nod to Leah. She had thin clothes on again and apart from being pale and skinny, she looked like she was sleeping normally.
"Yeah," Dad nodded in agreement. "It's like the last hour didn't happen."
He sounded haggard and he ran a hand through his face.
I had the impression that my dad was completely at the end of his world.
"As if she had not tried to ..." his voice now finally broke away.
Or maybe he just refused to pronounce it. To call it by its name, that Leah had almost been successful with her suicidal jump.
"Are you blaming yourself for this, too?", I asked. That would be just like him again.
Before he could say anything, and the wrong thing - ! - , I shook my head emphatically.
"It's nobody's fault. That Leah could do such a thing, even consider it, not even Alice could have foreseen. It's nobody's fault. Nor is it that she received the opportunity to try."
"But ...," Dad put in and rose.
"Nothing doing! No buts, Dad. You're not always responsible for everything and everyone. We're a family. That's where you share all together. The joy, the sorrow, but also the responsibility. Now it's my turn, and you need to get back to Mom. She's in good hands medically with Carlisle, but she needs you! And you need her so that you can stop your melodramatic performance," I snapped at my dad. In a whisper, though, so that Leah, in her weird trance state, wouldn't get fodder for something she would then blame herself for and try again what she had failed to do today.
My father peeked cutely speechless, as I had never seen him before.
I ran my hands through my hair in annoyance before pushing Edward out of the room. Before I could do that, my dad hugged me.
"Where's Becky, anyway?" he asked incoherently.
"At home. She'll be back later," I stated. She had promised her parents that she would be home after school today for a change, now that the exams were behind us. But she would now tell her parents about what was going on here at the moment and wanted to clarify with them that she didn't want to go to school tomorrow to go to Nanuk's funeral. Since the school semester was more or less over, they probably wouldn't have any objections. She also needed appropriate clothes for that. What would I actually wear? One usually wore black.
I mentally shrugged my shoulders.
My Armani suit was black. Fits already.
"Didn't even realize," Dad whispered, so remorseful again.
I rolled my eyes and, with a stern index finger, referred him to the bedroom.
"Enough with your feelings of guilt. Get out!", I said clearly.
He smiled before actually leaving.
I quickly ran to my room, exchanged my jeans for sweatpants and grabbed a book. Then I kept watch over my favorite sister.
Feat. I only had this one. In this respect, she could only be the dearest sister I had. At the same time, however, also the most annoying and exhausting I had. But I loved her like hardly anyone else. She was a part of me, and I would always be there for her.
I sat down on the bed.
So close that she could feel my presence, took her hand and began to read ... After two chapters, I wondered how calm Leah remained. Well. A fallacy. No sooner had I finished thinking about it than one of her fits came on.
She had clung to my hand a little tighter, finally taking hold of the whole arm and whispering for Nanuk. But from one moment to the next, Leah literally ticked off. She lashed out.
I threw my book aside and pulled Leah tightly into my arms that she could hardly move. That she could not hurt me or herself, nor could make a getaway. It lasted a few minutes until she just sobbed and finally fell back into her apathetic state.
During the outburst, Dad and Carlisle had come running, but I sent Dad back out with a scowl.
Hadn't worked. It wasn't until he saw that I didn't have a problem with Leah and mentally yelled at him to stay with Mom and take care of her that Carlisle was able to kick him out of the room. Pretty reluctantly, but he went. Because I was just being told first hand what Dad had been going through for three days now. And he had done it alone. Mom couldn't do anything considering Leah's strength. Even I was having some trouble keeping Leah in check. I had been preoccupied with myself the last few days, so more like yet another child he had worried about and taken care of. Esmé was busy with Ced, Carlisle was in the hospital during the day. But what about the other vampires? They hadn't shown up with us either. Why ever they had not been here ... To experience this seizure now very closely, tugged at me emotionally. It was no wonder that Dad seemed so haggard. So exhausted, as it was abnormal for a vampire. That he blamed himself more than usual, which was usually quite exaggerated. But Leah really got under your skin. With her disposition, she pulled the others of us with her into her depressiveness. No one would be able to bear that alone. Without a break.
"Where are the others, anyway?", I asked Carlisle after Leah was calm again.
"Edward told them not to come here. They couldn't do anything anyway, since not even Jasper can get through to her with his gift. So they'd better spare themselves the sight," he replied.
"Typical Dad!", I grumbled playfully and added in my mind that he always had to take responsibility for everything. Hopefully he had also listened to me!
And so the afternoon passed.
Leah kept vacillating between lethargically calm and psychopathically beside herself.
Dad had given up coming rushing into the room at Leah's outbursts.
Carlisle brought me something to drink or eat in the meantime, gave Leah one of the Banana Bags or took her temperature, blood pressure and such.
We talked. To each other, but also reassuringly to Leah.
Until Becky came back.
Carlisle stayed with Leah, and I went to my star.
Despite the past hours, which had been really mentally exhausting, I felt better overall. Perhaps, in retrospect, it had not been so bad not to have heeded Dad's ban because of the transformation. Maybe I had awakened the wolf in me again with this action. Like last week, when I had walked up and down between Dad and Carlisle in Marcus' room.
I saw Becky's bag on the table in the dining room, but I heard her in the kitchen when I also saw Esmé coming across the patio.
With my little brother. Fortunately, he really didn't get much out of here. That was a real relief.
He beamed happily and crawled toward me. Then he saw Becky and promptly changed direction.
Even more radiant!
I shook my head.
The short one really couldn't resist annoying me with something like that.
So while Becky greeted Ced, I hugged Esmé.
"Hello, Jake. You seem to be doing much better today ..."
I nodded ...
"How is Leah?" she asked.
"Unchanged. Carlisle is with her," I answered.
"Carlisle? Not Edward?"
"I kicked Dad out of the room and sent him to Mom. He can't always do everything by himself," I commented.
Esmé looked at me kind of strangely, but said nothing more. She also greeted Becky, but then went upstairs.
And I also had to welcome my star.
She had Ced sitting on her hip, and I wrapped my arms around her, just ignoring the baby for once.
After all, that's what he had done with me.
I kissed my star lovingly until I realized that her thoughts were open to me.
Ced touched us. It was beautiful as always and emotionally very deep. An incredible moment. Every time anew.
"Thank you, little bro!", I said kindly afterwards, and we each gave Ced a kiss on the cheek, making him chortle happily.
I went upstairs with him. Shortly passed by Leah, because he already asked for her.
Even though we tried to keep Leah's condition away from him altogether, my little brother was anything but inattentive. Of course, he noticed more than we had previously thought or hoped.
"Leah?" he asked cautiously as he sat on her bed, but Leah barely stirred.
"She's just resting," Esmé tried to explain to him, but Ced looked so skeptical that I had to chuckle.
He certainly didn't believe a word.
I brought him into the bedroom.
Mom and Dad were lying on the bed together. Kind of tangled up in each other, but facing each other and they were talking to each other softly.
They had been alone for over three hours now and that really showed in their appearance. They both seemed very relaxed. That's how I wanted to see my parents. Okay. I took that back! I definitely didn't want to see Mom like this! She had rolled onto her back a bit when I walked in, which revealed her face to me.
Ced on my arm also winced at the sight of her.
With his hand on my arm, he mentally asked immediately how that had happened. Would he be to blame again? Like the last time Mom had looked like that.
I shook my head.
Partly in response, partly out of disbelief. Dad's baby! Very clearly!
I put him on the bed, and he hesitantly crawled between our parents.
Mom and Ced were apparently already sorting it out. Silently. I found it strange that Ced used his gift almost exclusively to converse with us. He was addressing all of us by name by now, but otherwise he was still babbling just as unintelligibly as he had been all weeks.
"At dinner, you'll tell me all about what you did with Esmé today!" demanded Dad of the short one after he had sufficiently hugged him and then made an effort to get up.
"Where will you go?", I asked in wonder.
"Dinner?"
It had become more question than answer.
"I didn't bring Ced to you guys to have you disappear right away, did I? And guess what, Dad, Mom taught me how to cook!" I countered his questioning reply.
Dad stood there, looking at me as strangely as Esmé had earlier.
"Where, then, is my son, who had understood that he should savor youth while he could? Still quite a bit away from adulthood?"
"I think we left him in the woods at noon today," I commented.
"And will we ever find again this carefree teenager who needs his parents?" asked Dad after a moment.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Maybe ... When Leah walks laughing by my side again," I replied.
He put his hands on my shoulders.
"Thank you, Jake. For giving us those last few hours together. It has truly had a very relieving and calming effect on both of us," he virtually changed the subject.
"That's the way it was meant to be, but also that you guys still have a little time as a threesome. I'm serious, Dad. You don't always have to take care of everything alone," I specified.
Mom also thanked me for this time out, but then I went back down.
I cooked with Becky, and I had to realize that Dad was right again. The actual cooking became increasingly secondary.
Dad had come once. Actually, only to get a bottle of blood for Ced, but he also briefly rescued the overcooking potatoes on the stove, to which Becky and I, for some incomprehensible reason, had been unable to pay attention.
While Carlisle and Esmé continued to stay with Leah, whose outbursts came with alarming regularity, we ate a leisurely dinner.
As far as one could call that leisurely, when we heard Leah doing it. Her screams sometimes echoed through the whole house.
But after the sumptuous meal, which had been really necessary for me, all the other vampires were on the mat.
Dad had called them. He had apologized for his narrow-mindedness. That he had been of the opinion that it was his job to take care of our family. But through the last few hours, that opinion had collapsed. How much better Mom and he were now because of this respite. He had seen how I was there for Leah, or now Carlisle and Esmé were. And he heard in our thoughts that we wanted to be there for Leah. Of course, it was an emotional strain to see Leah so hysterical and apathetic, but what did that mean when we could be there for her? So he had realized that his siblings were certainly feeling the same way. That they wanted to know how things really stood with Leah, and not just secondhand. That they too wanted to do something to simply help. Dad finally agreed to this. But not without listening to the corresponding comments from his siblings, who had already told him that on Tuesday.
Rose and Alice bathed my sister.
I had already thought about it in the course of the afternoon, because honestly, she was in need of that. Openness between twins or not, I was actually quite relieved that I wouldn't have to do that. Dad certainly was, too.
Meanwhile, Jasper and Emmett were out in the woods with Becky and me for a bit.
I missed the exercise of the last few days. I came back with a sprained hind ... er ... foot. I was a fool! Comes from trying to pull those pesky snow bobbles off your paws while running. Luckily, Becky wasn't sitting on my back at the time, or I would have hurt her in the awkward fall.
Mom and Dad were sitting in the living room with Carlisle and Esmé when I came home limping.
It annoyed me more than it hurt. In this respect, I resisted the injection.
The adults - so to speak - had been talking about my grandparents' vacation.
Actually, they had planned to go to the airport tomorrow morning. They wanted to go to Esmé's island for two weeks. I mentally passed over the fact that Carlisle had once given his wife an entire island. I hadn't been able to get my head around the first detailed explanation. I mean, who gives away an island? How much did it cost? Were there brokers who specialized in islands? How far away were the nearest neighbors? Was there running water? And electricity? In any case, there seemed to be some question as to whether they would actually take this vacation - because of Leah's condition.
This discussion dragged on until we headed off to bed.
While Mom and Dad were in the shower the next morning and Becky was dealing with Ced, I was with Leah.
The younger vampires were already at school and Esmé and Carlisle were not there yet.
Leah had a seizure.
It was really exasperating. Nothing wanted to change with Leah. From time to time you had the impression that she was looking directly at you, but she didn't react at all, no matter who was with her. So now we had another day ahead of us. However, we had to go to the funeral right away.
Therefore, my grandparents relieved me in time with Leah.
"Alice put this in our hands before they left for school," Esmé held out a garment bag to me with rich golden eyes that made her seem like the kind angel she was.
As I removed the garment bag after the shower, I was indecisively confused for a moment. So was Becky next to me.
There was a new suit for me. It looked less elegant and festive than my Armani suit. Was probably more appropriate for the sad occasion.
I looked at the label.
Burberry. Didn't meant nothing to me. That reassured me. It couldn't possibly be as expensive as the other one. It fit like a glove, although the cut seemed somehow more informal. More casual. Typical Alice.
Alice also had something for Becky that my star was very happy about.
Becky owned two black dresses or black separates to combine, but none of them were appropriate for today's occasion. So she had brought only a pair of black pants from home, which was actually too cold for this time of year, and a black blouse. She already had it on, but it somehow looked like intentional and not capable. Stupid wording, I know, but that's exactly how it looked. Now, however, Alice had gotten Becky a fancy pantsuit. In addition, a light gray blouse.
We got dressed, or rather changed our clothes, stood in front of my tall mirror and I took a picture.
I sent it to Alice and added a 'Thank you!' to it.
There was still the question of what we were doing with Ced.
When he saw us all gathered in the dining room in such funny black clothes - so funny to him - he was already excited about where we were all going together. Dad tried to explain to him what we were up to. However, to keep Ced from wanting to go, he used the wrong words. 'We're going to see Nanuk off.' Because that's what my little brother wanted to do then.
I went back to Leah before we left.
I promised her that I would represent her with dignity and pay my last respects to Nanuk on her behalf.
She looked me straight in the eyes when I said his name.
I saw a little life in it. A little sparkle. Then she turned her head to the side, and I had the feeling that she would want to take her hand away from mine, but would not be able to muster the necessary strength. She looked at something and I followed her gaze. On a shelf above the desk. There lay a stone. One side of a heart, broken in half. A memento of their first official meeting after their imprinting.
"Nanuk," Leah whispered.
I gave her a kiss, took the stone and went down.
Dad handed me more tissues, then we left together in the Jaguar. With Ced, who had been able to hold his own.
On the way we got into a roadblock, a little accident in the snow with no casualties, which is why we were late.
So, unfortunately, we did not have a chance to go to Nanuk's family before the funeral.
We stayed behind a bit.
After all, strictly speaking, we had not had that much to do with Nanuk. He was actually 'only' my sister's boyfriend, but only for a few hours, so no one knew except a handful of people.
A clergyman stood next to the grave and gave a speech or something.
I didn't listen that closely, because I couldn't really do anything with what was said. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away ... or some such nonsense.
I looked at the people instead.
Nanuk's family was there, of course. His parents and grandparents. Nanuk's aunt Nova. Akai and his Phoebe. Kate right with them and next to her I guessed her parents. Tom with his father. The three people with them were probably his mother, his sister with a stroller, and her boyfriend. Maybe also their husband or fiancé. I didn't know. Other than seeing a few others in the Native American village, I didn't know anyone else. Different age groups were represented. Friends, acquaintances, other family members unknown to me. From here and certainly some from Boston. Many people had come to say goodbye to Nanuk Latham.
Actually, I shouldn't be surprised. Nanuk had been very nice. Brandon's big brother was only two years older than Nanuk and I always thought he was pretty cool. However, there was one major difference between the two of them. Bran's brother had done a lot of nonsense with us and had taught us just as much nonsense in person. He had taken us to parties when we were actually still too young. Smoking pot we had rather secretly copied from him. He had revealed various explosive Internet pages to us between the lines. Or how to save the world with the X-Box. He had shown us horror movies. On another evening he had acted it out with friends, with us as victims, but he had 'accidentally' forgotten to inform us. Brandon and I sat in the closet and got through mortal fears. We must have been ten or so at the time. His brother was just pretty cool. But he rarely refrained from telling or showing us exactly that, as an older brother, he was miles above us. That he had every right to tease or embarrass his little brother - and therefore, inevitably, me - in any way he wanted. Even today. And it certainly wouldn't change now. Even if we meet again in fifty years in the old people's home, he would still use every opportunity to amuse himself at our expense.
That was precisely the difference between the two young men. I had never seen, even if I did not know Nanuk particularly long or well, that he had acted up to me or others as something better. Because he was older or more intelligent. Or the chief or the Alpha wolf. Nanuk had just been nice and friendly to everyone, without being naive or simple-minded.
Everyone present here was grieving.
First and foremost, of course, Nanuk's family.
They looked really the worse for wear. Kate and his mother sobbed the whole time. Shanti sat on a chair, looking stubbornly at the dark coffin, while tear after tear ran down her cheek.
But even the male members of the family could see their sorrow all too clearly. Even my dad looked sad and Mom in his arms had been crying for several minutes. Ced was sitting in his stroller. Generally a very rare sight. Usually he was sitting in the carrier sweatshirts or being carried properly. He wouldn't get too heavy for Dad in the long run, but today my parents had refrained from doing that. Today he would possibly have to hold Mom, and in such a way that it wouldn't look like superhuman strength if he additionally had the baby in his arms.
Ced looked around quite intently, but he was absolutely silent.
This was perhaps because Dad was holding out his hand to him. Probably the two of them were 'talking' about what exactly was going on here and Dad was explaining to him that it was not proper to disturb the mourning. Something like that, perhaps.
Becky also began to cry as the clergyman now moved on to tell something of Nanuk's life. I handed her a handkerchief and hugged her from behind.
Nanuk had once climbed a tree as a child and was very proud of how he sat in the treetop. But he didn't dared to come down. The fire department had to come. Or how he had fallen into a crevice when he was twelve. He had been unhurt, just a few harmless scrapes, but after the initial shock had passed, he had looked with fascination at the rock formations he had discovered down there. He hadn't wanted to come out again for the time being, but had asked for a flashlight and a magnifying glass. And for food and drink. In this crevice his enthusiasm for geology began, which had lasted until today.
He told other anecdotes from Nanuk's life, which also brought isolated tears to my eyes.
Nanuk seemed to have had a really beautiful childhood and youth. But why did such a young man have to leave this earth? In the prime of his life, as one said. I just couldn't find an answer to that.
It had turned out to be a nice speech overall.
Nanuk would have liked it. Perhaps he sat somewhere on his cloud and smirked to himself at the memory of some of these mentioned incidents.
Some young men, presumably friends of Nanuk, lowered the coffin on three ropes into the dug pit and threw their gloves into it.
One by one, the mourners approached the coffin. They said goodbye to Nanuk. His family threw little bouquets, each with a white rose on the coffin, in Kate's bouquet was a red one. His grandfather Amarok added a black feather.
We had everyone step up to the coffin in front of us.
Pretty much everyone here had probably known Nanuk better than we did and thus had more reason to mourn.
People threw in soil or petals, which had been provided in bowls for the guests, occasionally photos flew onto the coffin, some squatted down as if they were seeking a mental dialogue with Nanuk.
My parents walked in front of us. They stopped for a due moment and reached into the bowl of petals. Before throwing them, they held out their hands to Ced, who joined in this final gesture, but then dropped his head on Dad's shoulder with tears in his eyes.
Becky and I would be the last ones.
However, Shanti, Nanuk's grandmother, approached me beforehand and gave me one of those little bouquets they had gotten for Nanuk's final tribute.
"We brought this one for Leah," she whispered to me.
It contained a pink rose.
I nodded. I approached with Becky.
Standing right in front of the coffin intimidated me. An oppressive feeling. Pressing. Infinitely sad.
We lingered for a moment.
I actually didn't even know what to think. How did you say goodbye to someone? Forever? I didn't know, but I had one last request for Nanuk.
I pulled the stone out of my pocket and squatted by the pit with Becky. I held the flowers and half the heart in one hand and Becky covered both with one of her hands.
"You are taking a part of my sister with you. Please send this part back to her so that she can live on!", I asked Nanuk in a whisper.
Now my tears finally welled up, though I couldn't quite put my finger on why.
Was it because of Nanuk? Or because of Leah?
We threw the bouquet and the stone together onto the coffin and I looked through my tear-soaked eyes for what felt like an eternal moment at how both had come to rest on the dark wood.
It looked perfectly arranged. Exactly where I would expect Nanuk's heart to be underneath. Such a curious thing.
We rose, both crying, and went to his family.
We told everyone how sorry we were, how much we regretted this fate, but they thanked us.
I did not understand that. What was the thanks for?
Only one did not say anything. Only one did not hug us.
Akai.
He looked grim and dismissive.
I didn't understand that either. But maybe that was just his way of coping with this loss.
The Latham family stood there for some time, but the first ones were already leaving.
I had only been to one funeral before and I could barely remember that one, but somehow I thought it was rude to just drive so wordlessly.
As if one had come only so that one was there. So that no one could say that Nanuk's death didn't matter to them. They would have paid their last respects to him. After all, we were still here.
We stood together, I hugged Becky, we looked together at Nanuk and probably all dwelled on our thoughts and memories of him.
I tried to realize that I would never see him again. It would probably take a while until I really understood that.
A hand rested on my shoulder.
"It has nothing to do with rudeness if some are already leaving now. This funeral rite makes most people aware of the finality. It's a way to give the family the time and air they need to grieve," Dad explained to me.
So even not stopping too long at the grave is a form of attention.
Dad nodded and I looked to the Latham family.
They seemed absent. Lost in their thoughts. They were mourning.
I closed my eyes and pulled my star a little tighter against me.
Don't we actually have more reason to do that? Sure, they had lost a family member. A son, a brother, a grandson, a fiancé. Of course they were allowed to be sad and regret this loss. But for them, everything was now final. But what about Leah? What would happen to my sister? She moved currently somewhere between dead and alive. She wanted to end her life yesterday already by itself, whereby I could not say at all whether she was perhaps not even conscious of it. We had no idea if Leah would recover. How long this condition would last. Whether it would possibly remain like this forever. Nanuk's relatives could grieve. We didn't. We had to continue to care for Leah, uncertain for how long. Did what Leah was doing now have anything to do with life? To be more precise, she wasn't doing anything. She was lying there, or she was freaking out. Wouldn't it be much more gracious of us to allow her to do what she was trying to do yesterday? More merciful for her. But also for us.
A cool hand cupped the back of my neck, causing me to lift my head from Becky's shoulder. I recognized Dad just then through my blurred vision.
"Could you do that?" he asked me.
Whether this question was meant seriously or merely rhetorically, I could not decide. But I thought about it. For a split second. Kill my sister!
My knees gave way for a moment.
Becky turned away from us a little when she realized too much of my weight on her that she wouldn't be able to hold, but my dad held me.
Never! Never could I lay a hand on my sister or allow anyone else to do it. She was a part of me!
"That's the way I see it too," Dad muttered, and from the way he sounded now, it seemed like he'd already been thinking about it himself. "We have to think together about what we can do to make Leah feel better. Because one thing is for sure, it can't go on like this," Dad said when I had slowly regained my composure.
We went back to the car after being almost the last ones.
I hadn't noticed how almost everyone had already left the cemetery. The closest friends and relatives would probably still go to the Lathams, as Dad said.
Then he surprised me.
We were also invited to do this.
I shook my head vehemently.
I had already dreaded the car ride home. Almost one hour quasi immobile on the back seat. I was more in the mood for the forest. Move through the cold loneliness and get my head clear again.
My parents didn't object, and Becky didn't find the thought of sitting among grieving people she didn't even know very pleasant either.
Dad still admonished me in a whisper that I shouldn't get into mischief.
I promised.
Never again would I do anything that might cause my parents to worry about me.
So I took Becky by the hand and strolled with her through the cemetery. The forest began on the other side of the grounds.
We were silent and I dwelt on my thoughts. Therefore, I did not see the arm coming that pulled me backwards.
I was brutally pushed to the ground, and someone continuously hit against my upper body and in my face.
It took me a moment to grasp the situation before I finally fought back and recognized my attacker as well.
Mentally, I groaned.
Now I knew why the previous blows hurt me so damn much and why my attempts to fight back were so pathetic. This was no comparison to Mike, the comparatively weak person.
"AKAI!", I heard Becky yell from beside us as I turned back and forth with him.
I hit a few times, but Akai hardly seemed to take any notice. Rather, he hit me even harder after each hit.
Blood dripped, stitches tore, little bones broke, skin turned purple. In the corner of my eye I saw Phoebe approaching, together with Amarok and Edward. Right before a fist hit me hard on the temple. Stars exploded before my eyes.
"Jake!" cried Becky in choked horror.
Hands clawed into the clothes on my chest and relentlessly I was shaken.
"Where is she? Why isn't she here? Why isn't she here to say goodbye to him? ...", Akai shouted at me, but I was still barely listening.
My head kept hitting the hard ground.
Was it already getting dark? Couldn't be. It was just about noon! If at all.
All of sudden, the weight above me had disappeared.
Life could be so easy! Indistinct babble of voices.
Akai was clamoring and someone was talking at me, but I was still enjoying the lightness of being for a bit. A clap resounded across the grounds.
Sounded like a peppered slap in the face that had hit right on.
I blinked, wanting to know who had hit whom.
I was trembling with fear and anger that one of our girls might have been caught in the heat of the moment and the melee. I wanted to jump up, but somehow I stayed down. But I saw a star in front of me. Surrounded by many little stars which exploded in front of me.
"Hi ...", I mumbled, and she smiled a tiny bit. It wasn't her who was slapped, which reassured me more than anything.
Dad appeared in my field of view, worried, as basically expected.
That he should never worry about me again had worked out just perfectly.
"It was Amarok who hit Akai. To bring him to his senses. Neither Phoebe nor Becky got off anything," Dad explained as he shoved his scarf under my head.
I realized that I was bleeding, but I also felt the burning of the healing. Especially in my skull. There seemed to be nothing left in its original place.
"Lie still for a while until the burning passes," Dad commanded me.
I nodded, at which something in my head broke loudly.
Dad put his cool hand on my forehead, which really felt good.
I closed my eyes, breathed consciously, and played with Becky's hands in mine. Meanwhile, I listened to the surroundings.
Akai was still there. Apparently not far from me. He sobbed to himself, and Phoebe spoke softly to him.
"He's angry. Not at you specifically, but because his brother was taken from him," Dad said.
I could understand. I would also be angry.
"And he doesn't understand why Leah is not here to pay respect to his brother. We have excused Leah's absence, but Akai would rather be angry and is looking for someone to blame."
I sat up carefully, although the burning of the healing was not yet over.
Becky gently stroked along my temple and blew a kiss on the spot.
It pulled a little. So that's where the burning had not yet arrived.
Akai was sitting on the floor a few meters away from me. His face probably wasn't really any prettier than mine right now. He was sitting there, clinging to Phoebe, who was running her fingers through the back of his neck, and crying softly to himself.
Would I feel differently if this had been Leah's funeral? Probably yes, but it would be worse rather than better.
I stood up with Dad's help.
"You better get back to Mom before she starts to worry," I told him.
"Too late for that. Bella is already worried anyway," he replied, almost smiling.
I went over to Akai and held out a hand to him. Rather mechanically, he pulled himself up by it.
"Come with me and you'll understand why Leah didn't come here," I opined.
Indecisively he stared at me without letting go of my hand. His tears ebbed away the longer he stared at me.
We watched each other as the traces of our scuffle faded. Only when there was nothing left to see did he nod.
Dad and Amarok had gone back to the others, probably knowing we wouldn't fight again, while Becky and Phoebe stood very close to us, eyeing us in turn. They each clung to an arm of ours as if to keep us from escalating further.
Inwardly, I smirked.
As if they would be able to stop us when it mattered.
I nodded as well.
As if to seal it once again, we shook the hands still offered.
But what about Phoebe? Akai did not seem to think about it any further.
I took Becky by my hand, he took Phoebe by his. I considered on the silent way how I could keep Phoebe from wanting to accompany us. Becky, too, peeked at me a little nervously and unnoticeably gestured to her with a nod. I shrugged my shoulders.
Akai had to assume, considering the direction we had taken, that I had intended to run home as a wolf.
The edge of the forest was getting closer and closer without me having a gallant idea to send Phoebe back. So I had only the frontal attack left. I cleared my throat ...
"Phoebe is aware of us, by the way," Akai then said all of a sudden.
She looked past Akai and winked at us.
"Okay."
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
We walked into the woods, looking around carefully to make sure there were no people in the area before Akai and I stripped down. The girls took our clothes, which were quite battered by the fight.
Alice would be thrilled.
We both wavered after the transformation, but only for two seconds.
I shook my head briefly.
Phoebe then first took three steps back from me with wide eyes and bumped backwards against Becky.
She was not really scared, I could see it on her face.
Becky seemed to notice this as well and smirked a bit.
"How come you know the score now?" my star asked in a chatty tone.
"Akai said that because he tied the bond with me, I was now allowed to know every one of his secrets and that before it was forbidden to initiate me into these things," Phoebe explained, not taking her eyes off me and forcing her voice to be calm.
Looked funny.
My head flew around to Akai in surprise, though.
He imprinted? On Phoebe? That didn't make any sense!
'Why not?', I heard him say in my head.
Completely flabbergasted, I sat down only once.
I heard Akai. Okay. I got that straight. He had taken Nanuk's place in the pack. The place of the leader. So it was logical that I now heard Akai as I had heard Nanuk before. But why the devil had he now imprinted on Phoebe? According to our rules, he should have imprinted on her immediately after his first transformation, if he was destined to find his counterpart in this way.
'Yes, Jake. You said it. According to YOUR rules, that's how it should have gone. But OURS say something different. With us blood wolves, only the Alpha wolf is chosen by this bond and bonded with his soulmate.'
"And do you find it scary what our boys are?" meanwhile, Becky continued to ask.
"Not exactly. I get that that's Akai there ..." she seemed to be thinking about it, "... even though he's an overgrown wolf!" she cursed playfully, pointing her index finger 'accusingly' at her boyfriend.
Becky smirked a little.
"Mine's bigger!" she said with a casual wave of her thumb over her shoulder in my direction.
I contorted my face.
Uh ... now girls were already fighting over who had the bigger?
'Seems so', I heard Akai.
'By the way, it looks totally silly when you smile or grin or even only smirk as a wolf.'
'I know ... Only Phoebe gets me to smile a little at the moment', he thought dejectedly and approached his girlfriend, who then stroked over his head.
I laid down next to Becky and she did the same to me.
That was so beautifully relaxing.
'Oh yes!'
"Have you already ridden on Akai's back, too?"
"Yes. I have. The day before yesterday. I think it's totally weird and scary in a way when I think about it, but it's kind of nice."
"Then let's get going," my star said, and then climbed onto my back.
Watching Phoebe do this was amusing. She just didn't have the practice yet. It also took her a moment until she had the feeling that she was sitting securely.
We ran quite leisurely, since Akai also had no practice in it yet. He was still afraid of possibly throwing Phoebe off him in a clumsy movement.
I gave him my word that this would change quickly.
Otherwise, Akai and I did not consciously 'talk' to each other, but only saw each other's thoughts preoccupying us.
So I saw how his family had fared since our visit to the village on Sunday.
Nanuk and Kate as they had said goodbye to each other in the driveway on Monday. Kate was going to her parents' house and let Nanuk talk her into driving alone while Akai vacuumed out his Honda Civic. At first glance, it looked to be a couple in love. Standing in front of each other, hands intertwined and smiling at each other. At second glance, however, not. Nanuk seemed somehow agitated and restless. As if he just wanted to leave and get rid of Kate as fast as he could. The farewell kiss was also quite ... diplomatic. As soon as the Volvo was out of sight, Nanuk dashed behind the house. Akai ran after him. He had noticed Nanuk's strange behavior. While undressing, he told his little brother that he needed to see Leah immediately. He wouldn't know exactly why he felt the urgent need. He just knew he needed to see her. When he didn't show up in time for dinner with his fiancée and in-laws later that day, Akai already suspected that Kate probably wouldn't marry into his family after all. He thought that was okay. He wasn't thrilled because it would hurt Kate a lot and he liked Kate like a sister, but Leah was obviously much more important to his brother. That was what mattered to Akai in the end. That his big brother was no longer torn back and forth. That this inner struggle would then come to an end. That Nanuk would be happy. On Monday evening everything had been over. His brother was dead. Akai could not understand that. His big brother. The one who had once saved him from a fight. The one who had taken over some educational punishments for Akai. The one with whom he once hid under the bed. The one who had made him something to eat when his parents were out of the house many years ago. It had tasted awful. The one who Akai had always been able to rely on, who had protected him from danger, had comforted him many times, or who had encouraged him. For example, when he did not dare to speak to Phoebe. The Latham family hasn't spoken much to each other since Monday night. Everyone tried in their own way to come to terms with this bereavement. Amarok had mainly taken care of the funeral. And in the midst of this grief, in this anger that Nanuk would never return, Akai's world had additionally come apart at the seams. When Phoebe entered the house after school on Tuesday and learned of the sad news. It had been like a tornado for him, devastating everything around Phoebe and him as he walked toward her. And he knew that for this beautiful girl he was together anyway, the word love was no longer enough. She was simply everything to him.
That got me thinking.
I had been in love with Becky before I imprinted. Just like Akai and Phoebe were already together. Did that mean that even if we didn't have the wolf gene active, we would still be with the people who were meant to be with us? If Leah and I weren't wolves, I would probably still be with Becky, the way things had been after summer vacation. Would Leah have ended up sticking with Nanuk, too, if they had somehow met? Without the magical bond of imprinting? And also despite Marcus and Kate?
'Possible. My grandpa was thinking about the same thing. Shanti and he didn't like each other very much before he was a wolf, but looking back, they're not sure today if they were just teasing each other because they actually did want to be together. They had known each other since they were toddlers, and the bickering might have just been part of it for both of them,' Akai thought.
He also saw about what I was generally bothered.
About Leah. I was worried. I wondered if she had even noticed that 'only' Carlisle was with her.
At Akai's request, I began my reminiscences on Monday evening.
With Leah's little fainting spell, just before we were about to go into the woods. The fight against the two vampires had not been a significant problem for us, but we also had considerably more experience in it. Not least because Jasper and Emmett still did a little practice with us every now and then when the opportunity arose. How we had found Nanuk. He was in Leah's arms when he died. He had even smiled a little. Then Leah went after Edward, attacking him until her own heart stopped beating. And she had taken me with her. Since then, Leah's condition had hardly changed. Only always changed back and forth between the outbursts and the apathy.
Akai could not imagine it, but we just reached our house.
We at least put on our shirts and pants and quickly went up to Leah.
She lay unchanged on the bed. Carlisle lay with her, holding her close.
The last seizure had just passed, as I had still heard at the edge of the forest.
Esmé had been in our bathroom and came after us with a fresh bowl of cold water.
I went to Leah, washed out a washcloth in the water bowl and dabbed my big sister over her forehead, neck and cleavage. Beads of sweat formed anew again and again.
"Leah. You have a visitor," I said.
She merely blinked, but that didn't have to be a reaction to my words.
Akai tentatively stepped closer, kneeling beside the bed.
"Hello, Leah," Akai whispered.
"Nanuk?" replied Leah in astonishment, getting a little restless.
She looked around the area frantically, her hands seemingly reaching for things that weren't there.
I took one of them, Akai took the other.
"No. It's me ... Akai," he replied, at which point Leah seemed to lose all her strength.
Once again just lying there lethargically. With closed eyes, from which countless tears ran silently.
"Since Monday, hardly anything has changed. Either she's lying there as unconcerned as she is now, or she's completely freaking out, screaming and lashing out. She probably doesn't even know what day of the week it is. Yesterday she tried to throw herself off a cliff. If Dad had gotten to her just a second later, she'd be with Nanuk right now," I explained in a whisper.
Akai swallowed audibly, took a deep breath, and looked in my direction, giving up.
Now he understood well, why Leah had not come to the funeral. Had not said goodbye to his brother. Had not paid his last respects.
He stroked over her face with gentle fingertips. He took the washcloth from my hand and ran it over her tear-soaked cheeks.
For a few minutes, none of us said anything and Carlisle and Esmé took our girls downstairs.
"I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't think Leah could react that way over Nanuk ..." he said, but broke off in mid-sentence.
He let his head hang and I put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Akai. There was a moment earlier when I pondered whether you weren't even better off than us. Nanuk may be dead, but at least you know where you stand. But none of us has any idea how things can continue with Leah. But at least Leah is still here," I admitted.
"I know what you mean," he replied calmly.
He looked at Leah intently without saying anything. Squeezed her hand, whispered her name, stroked over her cheek or forehead.
For a good hour and two freak-outs, we stayed together with Leah without really saying anything before Akai wanted to leave.
Actually, he didn't want to, but he would probably have to let himself be seen by his people. After all, nothing could be done about Nanuk's passing and he would have to look forward again, as this visit to Leah had made clear to him.
He gave Leah a kiss on the forehead before we went downstairs, and my grandparents sat back down with Leah.
Becky and Phoebe sat on the sofa with hot cocoa and talked.
About Leah, what Akai's imprinting meant to Phoebe, how everyone was managing the situation.
We sat down with them until Phoebe had finished her cup. Then the four of us stood on the terrace. The girls hugged each other and us, and Akai and I clapped our raised hands into each other.
"You can still come visit us at the Native American camp," he clearly intimated to us in an invitingly manner.
I nodded.
Someday we would go there again. Someday.
Thank you for reading!
