"So, what one are we going to look at today?" Reaper asked, walking over to the large pile of orbs.
"Up to you. Pick one at random, if you want." White Rabbit suggested, motioning towards the pile.
"Alright." Reaper picked one of them up and blew the dust off. It had clearly not been cleaned or used for a while now. There was a plaque at the bottom of it, but it had been broken, somehow.
Reaper noted that the damage done to this orb was not unique. The orbs all contained worlds of their own, or at least, glimpses at what another world could look like. This was thanks to White Rabbit's magic, which enabled her to capture these fragments in time.
Strangely enough, many of the orbs had been shattered and destroyed in a variety of ways. But it was more common for one of the orbs to be left incomplete, with only a portion of the world finished.
I should ask White Rabbit about that later. But for now, let's see what story this one holds.
Returning to her spot on the ground, Reaper placed the orb down. White Rabbit joined her, placing her hands on the orb. She infused it with her magic, bringing it to life.
"In a realm both near and distant, a Secretary's role has turned persistent. He pushes onward, with burdens to bear, tackling his duties with the utmost care. This is his chronicle, an account that's true, of struggles and strain that he journeyed through."
Did she rehearse that?
"Haah… Here we go again."
A man sighed as he built up the energy he'd need to get out of bed. Once he had mustered the courage, he found himself face first with the floor. He groaned. Constant work had made even the simple act of walking a struggle.
After yet another massive effort on his part, he stood up and left his room.
"Get back here, Neris!"
He sighed as a purple-haired boy ran down the hallway, chasing after a small, silver-haired lamia.
The second I leave, something is already up… What did she do now?
Deciding to ignore the problem for now, the man walked down the hall. Another day of work loomed ahead. If he wanted to get through it without having a heart attack, he'd need some sustenance.
The Monster Lord's Castle had an exquisite kitchen. Alipheese was well known for her immense gluttony, and the kitchen was made to keep up with it. A dozen monsters ran all around the room, each working together to make one huge meal. And this was only breakfast!
Well, they are making it for nearly the entire castle; I guess they'd need to make a lot.
"Ah, the secretary… What's this, your second week on the job now?" A small, golden-haired Kitsune asked. The man recognised her as Tamamo No Mae, one of the four heavenly knights. She was currently sitting down by a table, her tails resting on her lap.
"Oh, Tamamo. Yeah, it is. We haven't met yet." He pointed out. He offered the Kitsune his hand, and she took it.
"I heard you've been training the Hero's son. Nero, was it?" He asked. There were many rumours about what sort of 'training' went on between the two, and although he tried his best to ignore them, he couldn't rule the possibility out entirely.
"Indeed. I haven't been to the castle in a while now… Anyway, how are things? How's Alice?" The Kitsune asked, stroking her fluffy tails.
"You should ask her husband about that… But things are fine, mostly. Though, strange things have been happening lately…" He muttered.
"Oh? Like what?" Tamamo inquired.
"Luka's Doppel has tried to sneak into the castle while impersonating him three times, and each time she's getting better at it. Alice is the only one who can really tell the difference. On top of that, a strange lamia keeps trying to get the hero's attention. She's even been faking problems with coexistence just to get Luka to go to her. It's becoming a real issue…"
"So pretty much the usual?" She mused.
"Pretty much." He replied. Tamamo took a sip of her traditional Yamatai tea, savouring the flavour. Afterwards, she looked up at the man and noticed the tired look in his eyes.
"You don't look too great… Get much sleep?" She asked.
"No… Alma Elma and Granberia's 'sparring' kept me up." He said, more annoyed than embarrassed about the whole thing. It's not his fault that his room was so close to the training grounds.
"I see…" Tamamo looked back up at the man, recognising, and even empathising with his current situation and the stress that came with it. She decided she would help him as best she could, and she knew just how to do that.
"Hmm, you know, there's something I haven't shown you yet... I think it could help you out." She offered.
"Oh? What is it?" He asked.
"Come with me." Tamamo dragged the man along with one of her fluffy tails. He relished in the sensation of them. It was as though heaven itself was wrapped around his wrist. The Kitsune led him to the stairs of the castle, and they descended them together.
"What's down here?" He asked. "And what is it you want to show me in the first place?"
"Something I should've shown you a long time ago," The Heavenly Knight said. The man remained sceptical as she brought him down. Once they reached the bottom, she walked into one of the rooms.
"This is where we keep our records." She explained. "This is the Monster Lord's archives."
"Whoa… It's huge." The man looked on in amazement at the massive room. There were shelves upon shelves of books. Each one held a year's worth of information. Truly, it was a historian's dream. Unfortunately, the man wasn't much into reading—except for statistics, that is.
"I know, right?" She said. "Back in my day, we used to have human slaves write everything we'd need to know down. How many monsters we had, how many humans, the consumption rates of humans… Everything we'd need to manage them."
Oh, right… She was one of the ancestors, and still is… Kind of scary to think about…
But… she's good now. Right?
"But things are different now. Those numbers are still useful, but instead of enslaving humans, we just pay them. But you already know all about that." She said. The man nodded. He had been hired to help the Monster Lord manage her castle around a year and a half ago. In fact, the Hero Luka himself supported the idea.
Maybe he wanted to talk to someone of his own race after being surrounded by a different race for so many years.
"Look," Tamamo said as she took one of the books out. She showed the man the tile.
'The Record of Every Monster Lord's Secretary. Vol 1.'
Volume one!? This book's already as thick as my arm!
"H-How many volumes are there!?" He asked.
"Hmm… Twelve?" She said. "No… Thirteen."
"T-Thirteen! How! How can there be that many secretaries!?" He exclaimed, bewildered. And here he thought the job was relatively new.
"Well, it has a detailed profile of every secretary we've ever had," Tamamo explained. "Each volume probably only has around a hundred of them."
"ONE HUNDRED!?" He shouted. "There's been a thousand Secretaries before me!?" He shouted, looking as though he was about to faint.
"1,367 actually." Tamamo corrected.
"But the position has only been open for 2000 years! That means each one only held the job for less than a year and a half!" He pointed out.
"Yep," Tamamo said bluntly.
"How!? What happened to them?" He asked.
"Oh you know, things… Before the Great Monster Wars, they'd normally just be eaten as soon as they made a mistake, or one of us was feeling hungry. Afterwards, well… It was mostly the same, really. Once we got past Black Alice, and I started to raise the Monster Lords, the position was a bit safer, but there was ever more stress on each one."
"Stress..? You mean they.." He left the sentence there, but the implication was clear.
"Hmm? No, of course not!" Tamamo said. "They all just quit whenever it got too hard."
…Except for that one thirty-seven years ago. He got blamed for Remina, even though there was no way it could've been his fault, and I was away trying to take care of Alice, so I couldn't help him…
"Oh… phew." He said. "Wait a second… I've been here for around a year and a half now… That means…"
"Hehe, yep! You're running out of time… I wonder: will you be the one to break the cycle? Let's see if you can handle the stress!" Tamamo said with a smile that was both charming and annoying, for the man at least. "Don't worry, I'll be here to help. Just ask me if you need anything!"
God fucking damn it. And this job paid so well too…
No, I can do this! I'll do better than all those who came before me. I'll be the best secretary there ever was!
Okay, okay… Problem number one. Neris.
The man sighed. The little Lamia was definitely one for mischief. And for some reason, it always had something to do with her father. Dealing with her was his top priority.
Alright, now where is she..?
He walked around the castle halls, looking for the sneaky little future Monster Lord.
"Neris!" He called out. "Where are you?"
"Neris, come back here!" A boyish-sounding voice shouted. The man recognised it instantly.
Luka is chasing her yet again. She always does this… I wonder why?
"Luka!" The man called. The hero turned to him.
"Oh, Cyrio, have you seen Neris?" He asked.
"Nope. I'm looking for her too." The man said. "What'd she do this time?"
"She took my sword again… This is the fourth time this week!" The Hero explained. "And it's also not a toy to be played with."
"Yeah… Let's go get her!" The Secretary said enthusiastically. Luka nodded, inspired by the man's determination. The two walked down the castle, searching for the lamia. After a long, unfruitful search, they eventually decided to use their trap card.
"Neris," Luka said. "I know you can hear me… If you don't come out right now, Nero and I will go to San Ilia without you!"
Suddenly, a loud gasp echoed down the hallway.
There you are…
The hero and Secretary ran towards the source. Neris was standing in the middle of the hallway, defeated. Angel Halo was beside her, lying on the floor, and Luka quickly picked it up.
"Haah… You've really got to stop doing this." Luka scolded. "If I find you with my stuff again, I'll… I'll…"
The Hero suddenly stopped upon seeing Neris's frown. He had never seen something so adorable before, and he just couldn't keep going. He couldn't bear to see her like that any longer.
"I'll… It doesn't matter anymore…" He said. "I have to go. Some vampires are getting rowdy in Sabasa… Go with Cyrio and think about what you've done."
"Fine…" Neris pouted. Luka walked off. His role as a hero awaited him.
He's just as busy as I am. I can certainly emphatise, Luka.
"Hmph," Neris pouted. "I'm not going anywhere with you."
"Hey, your father ordered you to. Do what he says." The man said. Neris still refused to budge. He resorted to forcibly pulling her, but even that failed.
How can such a little girl be so strong!?
"Fine, fine… What do you want?" He asked.
"You're the one who controls things around here, right?" Neris asked. The man nodded.
"Then you can change how much time Luka spends going out?"
"Uh… Sort of? That stuff sort of just happens. Hmm… I suppose I could try and improve the city's own heroes… Then they could just solve it on their own…"
"Exactly!" Neris said, her face now holding a wide smile. "Do that!"
"Hmm… I mean, I don't see anything bad about it. So, sure… I'll look into it." He said.
"Okay!" Neris said as she slithered down the hallway. "That's a promise, by the way!"
"Yeah, yeah…"
The man sighed. He was standing alone in the hallway, with not even a guard to keep him company.
One down, five to go.
"Aww, you look so lonely…" An alluring voice said. "Fufu, How are you doing, cutie? Do you want me to keep you company~?"
Honestly…?
Yeah. I would. I mean, who wouldn't? Just look at her. But there are more important things I must do… Speaking of.
"There you are!" He said. "You're my next problem to solve, Alma Elma!"
"Oh..? You think you can fix me?" She asked. "Hehe, I'd love to see you try…"
"Just watch me!" The man exclaimed.
"Heh, alright. I'll be waiting, little Secretary." She said.
"A secretary? Why would Alipheese need one of those?" Reaper asked.
"Because the Fateburns are well known for being the laziest bloodline in existence? Of course they'd try to just dump it all onto someone else." White Rabbit pointed out.
"Hmm… I suppose. But really, more than a thousand of them?"
"You do remember how hungry monsters get, right? And none of them like to be told what to do. The mortality rates are actually surprisingly low when you think about it."
"Alright, alright. I get it. Let's just keep going."
"This is her room," Tamamo said. "Be careful though. I doubt she'll be happy to hear the news."
The Kitsune handed the man a sheaf of papers and gave him a pat on the back. He thanked her for them and headed in, building up some of his courage while he was at it.
"Good luck," Tamamo muttered as the door closed. She knew the succubus wouldn't exactly eat the man alive or anything, or drain him to death either, but she was still worried that she would punish him somehow.
Alright, here we go.
The man's eyes rested on the Femme Fatale, who was currently lazing around on a couch. She was in her normal, surprisingly concealing clothing—concealing for a succubus, at least.
"Alma Elma." He called out. The succubus turned to him, looking bored out of her mind. Though, a small smile did form on her lips when she saw the man.
"Fufu, you've come at last, little secretary. Here to 'fix' me, are you not? Or perhaps…" Alma Elma stood up, showing off her full body. The man, however, made no reaction.
Hmph. Such insolence…
The Succubus Queen sat back down on her couch, pouting a little at the man's complete lack of a reaction.
"Ugh… What is that smell?" The man had to cover his nose at the scent. He did end up inhaling a bit of it, and he soon realised what it was. Pheromones, released by the Succubus Queen herself, either on purpose or not.
Phew, thank... Ilias? Alipheese? Luka?
Thank somebody, I brought this with me.
The man swallowed a pill that countered the effects of succubi. He had around thirty of them with him, so he was confident that he would not fall to lust.
"I'm here for work." He said. "Now, before I begin, need I remind you that I have Alipheese backing me?"
"…No. There's no need." Alma Elma said, her tail opening and closing with her rising temper.
Alright. It's time.
"By the orders of Alipheese, you must stop disrupting the workers here!"
"…What? That's what you came here for?" She asked.
"Uh… yeah? Have you been up to something else?" He inquired, a hint of worry in his voice.
"No, no. I just didn't think it was that big of an issue."
"Of course it is! You constantly attempt to seduce our guards, our cooks, our cleaners, and even your fellow knights! And the Hero himself on top of all that, who, if you've somehow forgotten, is married to the lord you serve! Seriously, woman, get a hold of yourself."
"Hmph. I'm a succubus, idiot. It's in my nature." She replied.
"I don't care. You're not allowed to do it in the workplace. Besides, you've been getting fed plenty whenever you visit Yamatai or the Coliseum." He pointed out.
"No. I'll do what I want!" She said, standing up to the man.
"Oh, will you now? I wasn't even done yet! On top of you now being forbidden from doing that, you also have to pay fines for the suffering of your fellows, and…"
"And..?"
"Well, you've also sort of been banned from Succubus Village forever."
"WHAT!?" Alma Elma exclaimed. "HOW THEY CAN BAN ME FROM MY OWN VILLAGE!?"
"The mayor owns the village, and she's the one who banned you! She said you're stealing all the men, and never even bothering to clean up afterwards. She said she's warned you multiple times, and you've never listened. She's fed up of dealing with you."
"That's bullshit!" She complained. "They have no right to do that!"
"They have every right, actually." He said, handing the queen the papers. She quickly read them, a scowl forming on her face as she got to the end.
"I can only be unbanned if I make a public apology, and now I have to pay the mayor for every man I sleep with!? What the hell!?"
"Oh please, you have the money to spare. Speaking of." The man handed her the rest of the papers, which contained fine after fine, and even some lawsuits against her.
"Sexual harassment in the workplace is a big deal." He pointed out. "Oh, while I'm on the topic, I'm also filing a lawsuit against you."
"Oh no you're not!" Alma Elma said, her tail quickly enlarging to a horrifying degree. It approached the man, growing so big that it could swallow him whole. "After a few hours in my tail, you'll be my slave. Then I'll have you fix all of this."
"Not today!" The man suddenly pulled out a strange potion from his pouch, throwing it straight into the tail. Alma Elma was unaffected at first, and just before she was about to swallow the man whole, the effects kicked in.
There we go. Done and dusted.
The Heavenly Knight of Wind was left on the ground, snoring loudly. He had been given the potion by Tamamo earlier, who foresaw something like this happening. The man left the room, satisfied with his work.
Two down, four to go.
Erubetie, the Heavenly Knight of Water. And my next case to solve!
The Secretary walked down the stairs to the Castle's underground parts. Down here, the Slime Queen herself could be found. Or at least, one of her clones could.
He opened the door to Erubetie's room. The Queen of Slimes was currently busy, purifying the water in the castle's sewer system.
Ugh… that's disgusting. I get that it makes the water reusable and all that, but still… Ew.
"What do you want?" The slime asked, one clone that was not busy approached the man, inviting him further inside. He followed, sitting down on the ground next to her. The slime followed suit, shrinking down to the floor.
"I'm here for a few complaints I've received. Other monsters are saying your obsession with cleanliness has become a real problem. Some of them are even saying you're sneaking into baths to try to help them clean!" He informed.
"Is that right… I am simply ensuring the continued high level of hygiene of every monster, or human here." Erubetie said.
"Wait a second, what do you mean by humans? Luka and I are the only ones here. You… you haven't been…"
"Sometimes." She said. "I'm just doing you two a favour. When I am present in water, I can increase the amount it cleans by a large margin. I see no problem with it."
"Of course… Haah. Alright, look. I'm not saying you shouldn't be keeping an eye on the sanitation and hygiene of the castle, but only to a certain extent. Invading others' privacy is way too far." He explained, hoping to break through to the slime.
"And… would Luka agree with this?" She asked.
"Strange question, but yeah, he probably would."
"Hmm… alright then. I understand. I will do as you ask, but first—" Suddenly, a blue tendril took hold of the man's arm, locking him in place. Another latched on to him, then another, then another.
"What the hell!? What are you doing!?" He asked, failing to break out of his restraints.
"Relax," Erubetie said. "I'm not going to rape you. You're a bit too old for me anyway. I'm just cleaning you up, though that might cause you to orgasm anyway…"
"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" He shouted, pulling at the restraints as hard as he could.
"Oh calm down, would you? It's not like I'm going to hurt you." She reasoned. "I'm sure you'll be very happy after I'm done…"
Erubetie approached the man, using her arms to reel him in. No matter how hard he struggled, the restraints would just not budge.
Tamamo warned me that this might happen. Alright, let's try it!
"If you even touch me, I'll tell Luka all about it." He threatened. "Imagine what he'd think of you then…"
"You wouldn't!"
"I would! Now, get off of me!" He ordered. Erubetie sighed, releasing the man. "That's a fine, by the way. Also, if I receive any more complaints about you, Alipheese will have to take action. You can say goodbye to all our support with your campaigns."
"…Fine." She said, turning away from the man, clearly annoyed. He sighed, leaving the room.
Phew. That should do it. Now then, who's next…
"Still. A human being the secretary for the Monster Lord is a ridiculous idea." Reaper commented. "Why not have a monster do it?"
"Humans are easier to control, weak, and often more reasonable than monsters. They also have experience with economic systems, having grown up in one, and other things like education, social skills, et cetera." White Rabbit explained.
"Hmm… So then, if monsters did it, what about angels?"
"Angels have been hiring humans for work ever since they arrived. But a secretary? I'm not sure. Maybe in Ilias's world, but I haven't seen any so far." She said. "Anyway, he still has three more to get through."
"Right," Reaper said, looking back into the orb.
Alright then, time for the dragon knight herself.
The man quickly took a swig of some liquid courage, also known as vodka, and kicked down the door to Granberia's room. He instantly regretted the fact when he realised she was, in fact, naked.
The punch that came from the knight was hard enough to crack a boulder in two. And this was not good news for the man's ribs, which were all broken in a single hit, sending him flying back into the hallway, straight into a pillow of fluff.
"Owwwww." The man held his shattered chest, which showed no signs of healing.
"It's what you deserve for barging in there." Tamamo pointed out. "Here, let me take care of that."
The Heavenly Knights of Earth quickly used a spell on the man, instantly healing the injury and releasing him of all the pain. He thanked the kitsune, and once again walked into the room.
This time, Granberia was waiting for him, fully clothed. She was sitting in her chair with a scowl on her face.
"What the hell was that all about? What were you thinking, barging into a woman's room like that." She rightfully complained.
"Sorry about that. I've just had a bad day so far and wasn't really thinking. Anyway, I'm here to talk about the complaints."
"What? People have been complaining about me?" She asked, surprised.
"Well, first off. You shout constantly."
"I do not!" Her scarily loud response reverberated through the room.
"Uh-huh... This is exactly what I'm talking about. Moreover, you're apparently labelling everyone around you as 'weaklings,' a label that hardly bolsters morale. Coupled with your relentless sparring matches against Luka and Alma Elma, the situation is becoming quite the issue," he explained.
"I see… well–"
"Speaking of Alma Elma, whenever you lose to her, you manage to scream so loud you keep half the castle up!" He said bluntly.
The dragon instantly blushed, ashamed. "I-I… sorry."
"Next time, do it somewhere outside of the castle, like the training grounds in Remina." He suggested. "But I will say, you have the least complaints out of everyone, so I guess that's something. Anyway, will you see to it that there will be no more complaints?"
"… Very well. Tell the Lord I apologise for my inadequacies."
"Eh? What do you mean? She has the most complaints out of everyone! She should be the one apologising to us."
"Is that so… Well, it is late. I bid you farewell, secretary." Granberia said respectfully. She had never actually had a man stand up to her before—verbally, that is.
Does nobody here know my name except for Luka?
Anyway, that's Granberia done. Four down, two to go.
Tamamo strolled alongside the secretary, her tails swaying with a playful bounce. The man had just bestowed upon her a promise that sent her excitement soaring—the coveted 'Fluffinator 3000.' This cutting-edge device would pamper her tails, bestowing upon them an even greater level of fluffiness, a feat some considered impossible. The anticipation bubbled within her; she couldn't wait to experience its wonders.
I hope she's not too disappointed when I reveal I made it all up... Well, that's an issue for future me. As long as she keeps helping me for now, it should all be fine... Right?
But first, they would have to deal with the biggest problem of all. Alice.
"How can the Monster Lord herself have over 500 complaints?" The man asked. "What does she even get up to?"
"Read the papers," Tamamo suggested, handing the man 10 of the filed complaints.
He sorted through them, reading each one as he did. They were all from different monsters, in different parts of the castle, and yet were all complaining about the same thing.
She's… stealing food?
Of course…
Well, would you look at that. She's right there.
"Alice!" The man called out, chasing the large lamia down. He could not lie to himself. Luka had scored himself quite the wife.
"What is it?" Alice queried, a touch of innocence accenting her tone. "Are you here to present a report?"
"No, I'm not done yet. I still have another person to get through after you." He said.
"After me? Whatever could you mean?" Alice's behaviour was the epitome of innocence.
"I mean this." He handed her the papers, and she quickly read through them.
"Traitors, the lot of them," she muttered as she finished reading. "Is it not against the law to air grievances against your own lord?"
"Shouldn't you, of all people, know? Anyway, you have to stop stealing everyone's food! The cooks are already having a hard enough time supplying your gluttony. They don't need you getting extra from others."
"Im a growing Lamia!" She said. The man raised an eyebrow, motioning towards her very clearly already-matured figure.
"Was that your excuse when you were young or something?"
"Pfff, N-No, of course not!" She replied. "And for the record, I've barely taken any food from others!"
"So you confess? Good. Next issue is… Huh. Have you been… bragging about Luka to the others?"
"W-what? No…" Alice said.
"She has," Tamamo interjected. "Every day, actually. It's getting really annoying…"
"Alright. You'll have to stop doing that as well. And the last issue is…" The man skimmed through the complaints once more. "Seriously, Alice? You've been deliberately forgetting to cast an anti-sound spell around your room whenever you and Luka get it on?"
"…" This time, Alice had no response, only looking down in shame.
Really, who thought it would be a good idea for her to be a leader? She takes no responsibility!
And this is after Luka worked his magic on her. I wonder what she was like before that?
Well, whatever. I guess that's her done. Now, for the last of the bunch.
"Tamamo..." The man turned to the innocent-looking Kitsune. It was only then that he noticed Alice had already slithered off, probably to eat yet again.
"Oh? What's up?" She said.
"Cut it out with your innocent act. We both know the only reason you've been helping me out thus far is so I'd go easy on you. Well, that's not going to work with me! You're getting the exact same treatment as everyone else!"
"Damn it." She pouted. "Go on then. What complaints are there about me?"
The man pulled out a single paper, which contained over 300 complaints, all of them addressing the same issue.
"It's your tails. There's too fluffy!" He said. "For one, they're distracting all of our guards and other staff. But that's not even the main problem, it's the fur! It gets everywhere!"
"...I'm well aware." Tamamo's posture deflated, her fingers idly playing with her tails. "I've dedicated millennia to resolving this issue, but alas, no solution has emerged. They are simply just too fluffy."
The man knelt down to the kitsune, and could not stop himself from feeling the fluff.
Wait! This is just what she wants you to do! Don't get distracted!
"Ahem. Look, I get there's not much you can do about it, but if you could at least fix the fur problem..."
"How? Have a maid follow me around and pick it all up?"
"... That's actually not a bad idea." He said.
"You can't be serious."
"Sara! We have a new job for you!"
"Well, that was strange," Reaper commented. "So what ended up happening to him?"
"Hmm? Oh, he held the job for a few more years, but eventually peacefully resigned. He had built up enough cash to keep himself supported for another thousand years, and saw no reason to keep working. But, he did succeed in making the job not so terrible for all those who came after him." White Rabbit explained.
"I see. So, what's next? There's still plenty more to get through."
"We could look at the story of how Marcellus and Lucifina met, or that time where all the Knights fought in the Coliseum, or that one where all the Spirits went on a playdate..."
"...There really is a lot more to tell," Reaper said. "Well, we have plenty of time left to wait. We'll pick one tomorrow."
White Rabbit nodded, hopping up. She placed the orb back with the others.
