Open on Eda's human collectibles stand in the market. King is jumping on the table, trying to grab a flag hanging above him.]
"Oh, just wait until I show you all pride flags!" Luz said, bouncing up and down in her seat.
"Pride flags?" Gus asked, his eyes lighting up. He had no clue what they were, but they were flags, so they were automatically cool. Gus was always in favor of flags.
"Yeah, remember when I mentioned different sexualities?"
Camila frowned. "When did you mention that?"
"Oh, you were out of the room and we had a conversation that had nothing to do with me!" Luz said with a nervous laugh. Camila kept her poker face. If Luz thought Camila was unaware of the extremely blatantly obvious fact she crushed on more than one gender, she had another thing coming. But of course it was not Camila's place to tell Luz that; Luz had a right to come out when she wanted.
"Anyway," Luz went on, "these flags are to celebrate your identity! Like, for your sexuality or gender. So, say you were bisexual. Then m – your flag would be a pink stripe on top, a smaller purple stripe in the center, and a blue stripe on the bottom, same size as the one on top."
"You humans are bizarre," Hunter pronounced. "Why bother celebrating such a thing? It's just a completely normal thing. Who the hell cares?"
Luz pursed her lips. "Well, unfortunately, Hunter, a lot of people do care. They hate…them for just existing. That's why these flags exist. To fight back. To show the world that they're here, they're proud, and they're not backing down!"
Hunter shrugged. He would never understand humans.
King: Weh! [Falls off the table.] Stupid flag!
[Luz walks in carrying a ladder and a wooden sign.]
Luz: It's been a little slow around here, but I've got just the thing to attract customers.
[She puts the wooden sign on top of the "HUMAN COLLECTABLES" sign and taps it, activating the light glyphs carved into it.]
"In my defense, it would have worked if it weren't for those meddling guards," Luz sulked.
Luz: And who doesn't like their name in lights?
[Fully illuminated, a winking face of Eda appears.]
Luz: Is it too subtle?
Boscha: Does subtle mean ugly?
[Boscha, Skara, and an Oracle track student are standing at the stand.]
Hunter frowned. Skara was still hanging around these bullies. He wondered when she had changed. And then he wondered if she had changed.
"Say, Amity, why weren't you with them?" Gus wondered.
"I was studying," Amity said curtly. Truth be told, even then she'd eagerly seized upon any excuse to avoid her so-called friends.
Luz: Hi, Boscha! Hexsidians! See anything you like?
Boscha: Ew! No. I'm just here to take an ironic Penstagram next to your weird flashing trash sign.
"Hey, there's no such thing as bad publicity, right?" Vee pointed out.
[She summons her scroll and takes several pictures.]
Luz: It's not funny, Boscha.
Boscha: What are you going to do? Spit your human venom on me?
King: You have venom? Quick, Luz, start melting faces!
"Oh, if I had venom, there'd be a lot of melted faces," Luz murmured darkly. Amity's face flushed and she tried, abysmally, to inconspicuously fan herself.
Luz: [Kneels down.] Even if I could, it's not worth it. You wouldn't understand how to handle teens like her.
"And you do?" Vee said skeptically.
King: [Grabs her hood.] No, I'll show you what to do. [Grunts, jumps onto the table.] You will tremble before me!
[The three teens stare at him.]
Boscha: Oh, he's so cute!
[She hugs King and summons her scroll, taking a picture with a filter.]
King: Weh! [Shoves her face.]
Boscha: How much? I have to own him.
"Own him," Luz spat. "Like he's some sort of pet! He may not be the King of Demons, but he's a sentient being, damn it!"
King: [Frees himself.] You couldn't afford me, sister!
All: Aw!
King: That's the incorrect reaction!
Eda: [Sniffs.] I smell an easy mark. [Jumps out of the tent.] Hey, kid! Can I offer you the latest fashions from... [Magically dresses herself in horribly clashing clothes.] the human realm?
"EGAD!" Camila shouted. She was getting horrible flashbacks to her youth and the eyewatering clothes her parents favored.
Boscha: Yeah, no.
[Skara and the Oracle track student laugh as the three of them leave.]
"Okay, well, I can't fault her for making fun of that," Hunter conceded.
Eda: Well, [Returns to her normal outfit.] I hate her.
Luz: Yeah, teens can be sour, but I'm a little sweetie. Look what I made you!
[She points to her sign.]
Eda: Luz! [Takes the sign down.]
Luz: Did I spell something wrong? Or did I spell something right?
"Get it?!" Luz said, and made finger guns. "Because witches cast spells?!"
"Must you explain every single bad joke you make?" Hunter complained.
Eda: Stop that. [Wipes away the lights.] You may be forgetting something, Luz. I'm kinda... [Holds up her wanted poster.] on the run! Remember? Every guard in town would be at my doorstep if I had my name in lights.
"I mean, it's not like they didn't know about her stall," Luz defended herself. "The only reason she didn't get dragged in by the guards is because Lilith insisted she be allowed to deal with her herself. She was worried they might decide to kill her, because the award was the same dead or alive. The guards in this episode disobeyed her orders."
Luz: Well, I don't see anyone right now. Maybe you're just being paranoid. You're a powerful witch. Why hide when you can "poof" all your problems away with magic?
"Yeah, problem with that in the Demon Realm is that everyone else can use magic too," Gus pointed out. "Uh, no offense, Hunter."
Hunter was honestly more offended at being singled out with Gus's apology than the original comment.
King: What does Luz know about problems, anyway? All she has is dumb teen drama! She doesn't understand how hard some of us have it.
"Hey! My dumb teen drama isn't dumb!" Luz protested. Willow and Gus did a so-so gesture, while Amity did a poker face that would have allowed her to wipe the floor with any professional poker player in Vegas.
Eda: You're pampered all day like a dang baby. How hard is that life?
King: Well, I don't know if you realized, but I'm not a baby!
Luz: Then why are you screaming like one?
King: My life is a living nightmare!
Luz scoffed. "None of us truly understood what it meant to suffer at this point. We would. We all would." Camila gulped.
Eda: Well, there's only one thing to do when friends can't see eye-to-eye.
Luz: Hug each other till we pass out? [Hugs King.]
King: Fight to the death!
Eda: Pfft, no. Body swap!
"Ooh!" Camila said, clapping her hands in excitement. She loved body swap stories. This was sure to be entertaining. And hopefully it would end with Luz learning a valuable lesson like most of them did. Luz could sure use some of that.
King: [To Luz.] Are you sure you don't shoot venom?
"I don't," Luz admitted, her voice filled with disappointment.
-THEME SONG-
Eda: I love a good body swap. It's like demonic possession with the ones you love.
"Do I want to know, mija?" Camila asked.
"Look, mami, every time that question pops up, you can usually assume the answer is no."
"…Fair enough."
Luz: We're doing that? That's possible? [Grabs a VHS box.] This is just like my favorite early 2000s movie! Freaky Fraturday. But maybe we should think about this for a second.
Camila smiled fondly. That was one of Manny's favorite movies too. He could quote it on a dime. She hadn't seen it since he died. It made her too sad.
Eda: Body swap!
Luz: Ooh!
[Eda spins her staff above their heads, a curtain of yellow light and smoke falling over them.]
Luz: [In Eda's body.] Did it work? I need a mirror. [Runs into the mirror with a grunt, slides down.] Found one. Oh, my gosh. It worked! I'm so old... [Grabs her ears.] and pointy!
"I definitely have a greater appreciation for joint issues now," Luz admitted. "Though I'm not sure if they were just normal old people joint issues or cursed joint issues."
"I cannot believe my life has gotten to a point where the phrase 'cursed joint issues' entirely makes sense in context," Camila complained.
[King in Luz's body walks up to the mirror.]
Luz: Hot dog! It's me!
"So why are all your eyes the same way they usually are?" Amity wondered.
Luz shrugged. "Eda knows magic lost to time. She has grimoires that Malthas would probably wade through a sea of blood for, and that's not a metaphor. Who can understand the ancient magics of witchkind?"
"That's Luz speak for she doesn't know," Gus explained to Vee, who nodded sagely.
King: [In Luz's body.] Yeah, it is. I'm the human now. Bow before my massive, meaty hands!
"They're not that big," Luz protested.
Luz: Wait, so that means...
[Eda clears her throat. Luz and King look back at the table, where the last of the smoke dissipates.]
Eda: [Posing in King's body.] How do I look?
King: I've got some... very confusing emotions right now.
"How do you think I felt?"
Eda: All right, here's the deal. Whoever can prove their new body has the easiest life gets out of house cleaning duty. And you know what that means.
"It means we have to clean Hooty," Luz explained. "He likes to roll in the mud…and those are the explicable dirt stains."
[The three of them shudder.]
"I'd do anything to get out of that," Camila conceded.
King: Won't be me. Life as a teen is a tyrant's dream! [To Luz.] By the end of the day, I'll be ruling over your feeble demographic.
Luz: Well, I've got magic. Eda, don't be too mad when your inventory's gone and the guards are none the wiser.
[She accidentally casts a beam of light that knocks her on the ground.]
"Casting magic as a witch was just an incredible experience," Luz reminisced. "It was like…oh, God, words can hardly describe it. Like I was connected to something much, much bigger than myself. You're all so lucky."
Eda: Ha! That's cute. [Hops off the table and walks off.] If you need me, I'll be getting pampered on a vacation fit for a king.
King: My life's not a joke! [To Luz.] But yours is. [Pokes Luz's nose.] Bap. [Laughs and runs away.]
[Cut to the market, where Luz stands up.]
Luz: Whew! Okay, let's try this again. And strut, strut, strut. [Grunts.]
"I mean, Eda is tall," Luz said. "Even by witch standards."
[She falls against a box and knocks over a lamp. Freeze frame with Luz looking at the words, "LUZ'S DEALS IN HEELS." Action resumes as Luz lifts up her foot.]
Luz: How does Eda wear these all day? [Sees the broken lamp.] Oh, no. What have my heels done? Wait a second. I'm a ding-dang witch!
[She draws a spell circle at the lamp, blasting herself into the air. She lands behind the table with a yelp.]
Luz: Boy, Eda is powerful. [Yells as magic comes out of her hand.] Not again!
[Cut to Luz putting oven mitts on, her pointer finger sticking out of each.]
Luz: Okay, let's try this one more time.
[She draws a spell circle over the lamp, fixing it and giving it human legs.]
"I am never going to get used to this stuff," Camila said.
Luz: [Coughs, gasps.] I made magic with my hands! [Jumps.]
Man #2: [Looking at the lamp.] Ooh, so unnecessarily extravagant. I'll take it.
Luz: Zippo swappo. Sold to the savvy shopper.
[She draws a spell circle and the lamp walks off. The man follows it, tossing Luz a snail.]
Luz: Okay, magic hands, let's see what else we can magically magic.
[With a snap of her fingers, a giant neon sign and spotlights appear at the stand. She is now wearing a top hat reading "EDA."]
Luz: Step right up and feast your eyes on the marvels of the human realm!
"Eda totally would have done this if she had the courage," Luz defended herself. "I mean, she's all about showmanship when all is said and done. She learned it in Vegas, you know."
"Eda has been to Vegas?" Camila asked, surprised.
"Oh, yeah, you think that portal was just for show? Eda's been all over the place in the Human Realm. Apparently, when she was in Vegas, she married this guy named…I don't know, Maple or some other tree name, and then she stole his car and his wallet and drove it into a ravine to get away from the cops. Oh, but don't worry, it's okay, he was planning to do the same thing to her."
Well, Camila didn't exactly have much of a leg to stand on when it came to having a misspent youth. But still, she rather hoped Luz hadn't decided that sort of behavior was acceptable.
Customer #1: Oh, what is this?
Customer #2: Where did the other stand go?
Customer #3: Your lights are too bright, and I forgot what I came here for.
"Witches can be pretty sensitive to very bright lights," Hunter explained. "In the case of some witches, they can cause disorientation and short term memory loss."
Luz: Was it for laughter? [Magics a feather duster to tickle him.]
Customer #3: [Laughing.] Joy! So painful. [Hands her fistfuls of snails.] I'll take two for my enemies.
[A centaur walks up and points to his blank human face. Luz uses a marker to draw him a face. The centaur cries with joy and piles the table high with snails. A baby wails in a carriage. A giant pacifier appears in its mouth. The baby's parent dumps an entire coin purse onto the table. Various customers leave the stand.]
Camila had to admit, she was quite impressed. Luz seemed to have a gift for sales. Perhaps something she could use in a future career. Things were going well. Too well. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Luz: Thank you! Come again! There's a little something for everyone. Take it from me, Eda, the Boiling Isles' gift to magic.
Guard #1: Is that right? You're the famous Eda the Owl Lady?
Luz: That depends. Are you a fan... [Reaches into the top hat and pulls out flowers.] of magic?
[The flowers make a sound effect as their eyes shine.]
Guard #1: No, but I am a fan of... [Takes cloak off.] the law.
"And there it is," Camila said in a deadpan voice.
Flowers: Oh, no! [Wilt and die.]
Willow wiped a tear from her cheek.
[The guard cuffs Luz.]
Guard #2: [Approaches the stand.] We were finally able to catch you in the act. All thanks to this little light show of yours.
Luz scoffed. "Like it wasn't an open secret among the guards where Eda's stand was. In fact, they were some of her best customers! A lot of them didn't want to take her down cause they were afraid she'd rat them out." Which she would have, of course, in a heartbeat. It was just Luz's luck to encounter two guards who were actually committed to doing their jobs.
Luz: [Looks between them.] Gentlemen, whaddya say we forget this whole thing ever happened? Amnesia spell!
[She summons a pacifier into the second guard's mask. He narrows his eyes.]
Luz: Haven't quite got the hang of this yet.
"Hey, I was doing pretty well for someone who'd been human my whole life!" Luz defended.
[Cut to a police precinct. A camera shutters, and Luz is standing in front of a height chart holding a prisoner number card.]
Camila shook her head in dismay. Her little girl, now with a criminal record.
Luz raised her hand meekly. "You know, technically speaking I was a victim of mistaken identity," she pointed out.
Camera Monster: [Coughs.] This is some of my best work. Really captures the shame.
"I was not ashamed!" Luz protested, lying through her teeth.
[Owlbert is taken by a guard. He chirps in protest as the guard puts a ring around his wings.]
All the palismen looked frightened. Their symbionts promptly leapt into action to cuddle them and give them words of encouragement.
Guard #3: [Laughs, slams door.] Yeah, you're going away for a long time, you filthy criminal.
[Owlbert hoots nervously.]
Luz: Owlbert! This is all a big mistake. [Led into an interrogation room.] You're gonna laugh when I explain.
[Cut to a hallway, where Emperor's Coven guards are drinking water. A shadow passes over them.]
Guard #3: [Gasps.] Is it really her?
Guard #4: Oh, no. This is not good.
Guard #1: Hey, you gotta take that thing out before someone sees you.
Guard #2: I like it. Calms the nerves.
"Hey, no judgment here," Gus said. "I mean, except for you serving a totalitarian fascist regime. Judging you so hard for that, buddy." Hunter flinched, and Gus wrapped his arm around him instantly. "No, no, Hunter, I didn't mean that. He had a choice. You didn't."
"You're wrong, Gus," Hunter said quietly. "I always had a choice. And I made the wrong one."
[Lilith's reflection appears in the one-way mirror.]
Guard #2: Hmm? [Spits out the pacifier.] Uh...
Guard #1: Madame Lilith, to what do we owe this honor?
Lilith: Word reached me that you captured my sister. I'll take it from here.
Guard #1: But Madame, she's going straight to the Conformatorium. I have the order right here.
[He pulls out a piece of paper, which burns in a blue fire.]
Lilith: The orders have changed.
Camila scoffed. Once more, proof that the Emperor's Coven were such hypocrites.
Luz: Look, guys, you got the wrong Eda.
"Did you actually think that'd work?" Amity asked, genuinely curious.
"I mean…it was the truth," Luz said weakly.
Lilith: Hello, Edalyn.
Luz: Oh, thank goodness! A familiar face. You're Eda's sister, right? Is it Libby? No. Limby...
"Yeah, that was totally something Eda would do to psyche her out," Luz admitted.
Lilith: Your show of affection is touching. Do you know why you're here?
Luz: Well, as I was telling the guard, this is just a classic Freaky Fraturday mix-up.
In retrospect, it was probably a very good thing Luz had not managed to tell Lilith the truth. With how unstable she was at this point, it was a sure thing she would have tried to use Luz as a hostage to blend in. Luz was honestly not sure whether or not Eda would have abandoned her to her fate in response to that, and she wasn't sure which option terrified her more either.
Lilith: Sister, [Unfurls a lengthy scroll.] the charges against you are long and many. Operating a stand without a permit, owning a hocus without a pocus...
"Eda had a pocus!" Luz protested. "It was just in the pocket of her other dress."
"What is a pocus?" Camila asked, looking at Hunter.
Hunter scowled. "I don't know everything, okay?!"
Luz: Yeah, I think that list goes on for a while.
Lilith: These charges are serious. There's no more running away, Edalyn.
Luz: I know. I can't just "poof" my problems away.
Camila gave a gentle smile at Luz. There it was, the life lesson she was expecting her to learn.
Lilith: [In a lighter tone, holding Luz's shoulders.] But we can. You getting caught was clearly a cry for help. Join the Emperor's Coven, like we dreamed about when we were girls.
Luz: Eda wanted to be in the Emperor's Coven?
"I find this very difficult to believe," Camila said. "Eda, a crusader for the emperor's will?"
"I mean, I think she liked the whole 'absolute power over the populace' part of it more, but, yeah, it's super strange," Luz said.
Lilith: Don't be afraid, sister. Soon, you won't be a danger to those around you. Bring out the branding glove.
"BRANDING GLOVE?!" Camila screamed. "These barbarians!"
"Oh, it's worse than you think," Luz muttered. "A lot worse."
[She summons rings of light that secure Luz to the chair.]
Camila's heart felt like it was beating a million miles a minute. Even though it wouldn't have been Luz's body that wore the brand, her precious little girl would have to bear the pain!
Luz: The what now?
[A guard puts on a glove with the logo of the Emperor's Coven on the palm. The logo glows red. He tosses the table aside and cracks his knuckles.]
Luz bowed her head in shame. She can't believe she almost got Eda killed because of her grandstanding!
Luz: Wait, you're making a mistake! [Draws a large spell circle.] I'm not a danger to anyone! [Realizes what she did.] Uh-oh.
[A wall of the precinct explodes.]
"Normally, I wouldn't approve of you blowing up buildings, much less police precincts, but this one time I am definitely making an exception," Camila said.
Luz: [Coughs.] Owlbert, come to me!
[Owlbert hoots, flies through the gate.]
Luz: Huh? Ah! [Grunts as Owlbert hits her face; stands.] Sorry, buddy. [Frees Owlbert.] Eda's life is more complicated than I thought.
"Everyone's is," Willow said philosophically.
[Luz runs through the hole in the wall. Lilith stands, her hair mussed. Lilith growls.]
Luz: [Running.] Okay, if I were Eda and Eda is King, where would I be? Ah! This thing's so confusing.
Lilith: After her!
[Luz walks backwards, looking at Lilith and the guards. Knocking at a window makes her face forward. She's at the kitty café.]
Eda: Luz! Bring my dang body over here.
Luz: Eda!
"Yeah, honestly I have no idea what was going on with these two," Luz admitted. "Neither one of them would tell me."
"Well, according to Skara, King in your body usurped Boscha's authority and led their clique for a while," Hunter informed her. "Then Boscha challenged her to a race around Dead Man's Curve." Luz scowled. King had risked her body racing with Boscha?! He was going to get such a talking to when she saw him again! "It all went wrong and Boscha regained her authority."
"Classic Freaky Fraturday mix-ups," Camila concluded with a smile.
Roselle: Oh, look, Dottie. It's not kidnapping if they entered our store. Just think of it as good customer service.
[Outside, Luz draws a spell circle. The lamp next to the women grows legs and several other lamp heads. Luz enters.]
Roselle: Why did our lamp get unnecessarily extravagant?
"Yeah, seriously," Amity said. "Even mom would think that sort of décor was too tacky."
[The women turn and see Eda helping King through the hole. Everyone makes eye contact. Luz and King gasp.]
Eda: Hi.
Luz: Go, go, go!
[They all run.]
Roselle: [Gasps.] After them!
[Dottie shrieks and holds up a net. Luz, King, and Eda arrive on main street.]
Luz: What weird stuff did you get my body into?
Lilith: There she is.
[The dog barks.]
Eda: I got the same question.
[Boscha, Skara, Amelia, and the Oracle student fly in on their boots.]
King: Dang! I forgot about them.
Eda: All right. Did everybody learn a valuable lesson about experiencing each other's hardships?
"Lesson learned!" Luz assured everyone.
King and Luz: Yep.
Eda: Good, let's end this nightmare. [Takes her staff.] Body swap!
[Everyone returns to their own bodies. Eda is still wearing the bee costume, though it immediately rips off. King is still in the volunteer shirt and Luz takes off the oven mitts.]
King: My body! My glorious little body!
Lilith: Sister. Time and again I've offered you my help, yet you foolishly run back to your worthless life. I'm tired of trying, Edalyn. Your days of running are over!
Eda: Thanks, Luz.
Luz: Sorry.
Eda: Don't worry, I got this. Body swap!
[She spins her staff and directs the beam at everyone while Luz and King duck.]
Lilith: [As the dog, barking.] Eda, you rotten sister! Switch me back! Ah! [Barks.]
Guard #1: [In Roselle's body.] What's happening? Who the heck are you?
Guard #2: [In Dottie's body.] I'm a Coven guard, wise mouth.
Guard #1: No, you're not. I am!
Roselle: [In the Oracle student's body.] You get outta my body, you galoot!
Guard #2: Fight! Ow. My knees.
Someone in Boscha's body: Hey! Ow!
Someone in the body of a guard: This is your fault. Let go! My arm! Ow!
[Guard #1 screams. General mayhem ensues.]
"That was a weird day for Skara," Hunter mused.
King: Are they gonna be okay?
Eda: Eh?
Luz: Eda, I just wanna say that things can be more complicated than you think. But with you guys, it all feels a little less mixed up.
Eda: Aw, that's sweet, kid. Now, let's never speak of this again.
"And we never did," Luz said. "Well, until now, obviously."
[Owlbert hoots as he unfurls his wings. Cut to Eda, Luz, and King flying in front of the moon.]
Luz: So, wait. Who is going to clean Hooty? It's getting... dire. Maybe if we all work together we could—
Eda and King: Not it.
Luz: Aw, man.
Luz shuddered. She had nightmares of Hooty that night. And for the next week. "So…shall we move on?" she suggested. "You'll like the next one! I go back to Hexside, and for once, everything that happened was someone else's fault!"
"That is a harsh yet fair attack," Gus admitted.
