"Hey, mom, can I have a word in private?" Luz said.
"Uh, sure," Camila said and went upstairs with Luz.
"This next episode might be kind of hard on Vee," Luz said. She wasn't sure at all how everyone would react to the appearance of the greater basilisk, especially Vee. Maybe Vee would think she was a monster. Maybe she'd be scared everyone else would think she was a monster. Whatever happened, Luz knew Camila had to be there for her.
"This has to do with that basilisk you said you fought at Hexside, doesn't it?" Camila asked. Luz nodded. "I promise I won't hold it against her, and I'll help her in any way I can. You're so compassionate for thinking of her. Your father would be proud."
Luz gave Camila a hug. "Thank you, mami."
She started to walk away, but Camila pulled her back. "Luz…we haven't talked about Vee. I know you might be worried I decided to replace you…"
"No…" Luz said.
Camila raised an eyebrow. "But…?"
"Well, there's knowing it here," Luz said, pointing at her head, "and then there's knowing it here." She pointed at her heart. "I just…a part of me really can't stand how easily she blended in. How you…you weren't suspicious at all…it makes me wonder…"
"If I really love you?" Camila asked. Luz did absolutely nothing, assiduously. Camila sighed. "Honestly, Luz…I was actually very suspicious. I'm not an idiot. I knew you had changed massively. For weeks, I thought I was going insane! But the evidence kept piling up until I could deny it no longer. I thought the camp had brainwashed you. I never considered I was living with someone else. I didn't know what to do…"
"I'm sorry, mami," Luz said, looking at the floor.
Camila ruffled her hair. "It's all right, mija. We have an opportunity to make things right, and I, for one, am not going to squander it. Let's get back and see what mischief you got up to this time around, shall we?" Luz gave a huge grin and followed her mom back to the basement.
[Open on a dark backstage. Luz activates a light glyph and holds it between her and Eda.]
Luz: I-I'm not ready for this Eda. Maybe we should go back.
"I was so frightened of messing up," Luz admitted. "Every time I tried to do a school activity in public back in the Human Realm, I screwed up! Like when I auditioned for Romeo and Juliet."
"Well, if it's any consolation, I thought your audition was excellent," Camila reassured her. "You should have gotten the part."
Eda: Nah, kid, you got this. Just do what we practiced!
Luz: But what if... What if I mess something up? Or what if I do something wrong? [Gasps.] What if I die?
"Now you're worried about mortal peril?" Camila said, raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, even an old Luz can learn new tricks!"
Eda: Hey. Calm down, calm down. I had to do the same thing when I was a witchling. It's like a rite of passage. Granted, I was a little more skilled.
"More like a lot more skilled," Luz said. "I mean, even then, she was one of the best witches out there. I didn't want to let her down."
Luz: Eda!
Eda: Right, right. Sorry, sorry. Now, get pumped.
Luz: Pumped!
Eda: Get ready.
Luz: [Pulls hood up.] Ready!
Eda: Now, go! [Shoves her.]
[Cut to the stage, a spotlight aimed at the closed curtains and a banner reading "Hexside School: Entrance Exams." The curtains open. Luz jumps on stage in a dark cloak.]
"So cool," Amity said, flapping her hands in excitement.
Luz: [Movie trailer narrator voice.] From the humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise. [Normal voice.] I have traveled from another realm and trained with a powerful witch to master dark and forbidden magic. I am... [Takes cloak off with a twirl.] Luz Noceda!
Camila gave Luz a genuine, unironic round of applause. She was so much like her father in that moment. Sometimes, Camila watched her and it was like Manny still walked among them.
[Reveal the audience, which is empty except for Principal Bump sitting in the front row with a clipboard.]
Luz: [Chuckles awkwardly, tosses confetti out of a fanny pack.] Confetti!
"Nothing can't be improved with the addition of confetti," Luz said wisely.
Principal Bump: Right. The human that wants to be a witch. Against my better judgement, I've allowed you to take this exam into Hexside. But can you even do magic with all your... human parts?
"Hey! There's nothing wrong with my human parts!" Luz protested.
"She has the best parts ever!" Amity said, and then clapped her hands to her mouth, her face a mask of mortification. Camila very kindly pretended she didn't notice.
Luz: I sure can. [Zips open fanny pack.] It's said that humans can't do magic, [Pulls out papers and shows them to both sides of the auditorium.] but I discovered a lost technique that changes everything.
Principal Bump: Hmm?
[Eda gives two thumbs-up from backstage. Luz activates the light glyph and lets the ball rise. She moves the ice glyph under the light and activates it. Luz beams and does jazz hands.]
Principal Bump: Spells cast with paper? I've never heard of such a thing. [To himself.] But is it enough to pass the exam?
Luz: Uhh...
Eda: Improvise.
"Oh, dear," Camila said. That was probably the worst possible advice Eda could have given her.
Luz: Um, I can do other things, what about... this? [Stands, flips eyelids inside out.] Bleep, bloop, bleep!
"One day, that skill will come in handy somehow," Luz vowed.
[Principal Bump is not impressed.]
Luz: Ow, ow! Eyelash! Eyelash!
[Luz slips on the melted ice pillar and falls into her abandoned cloak. She stands and tries to free herself, falling off the stage and onto Principal Bump. She rolls off him.]
Luz cringed. At least no one else had seen her horrible audition, but that couldn't be said anymore. Now everyone thought she was uncool!
Luz: Sorry, sorry, sorry! [Places hand on an ice glyph.] Whoops! Ah!
[The ice pillar lifts her up by one foot until she's eye level with Principal Bump.]
Luz: I failed, didn't I?
Principal Bump: Believe it or not, I've seen worse.
"Eda's audition was…something, I've been told," Luz said. "Unfortunately, she swore me to secrecy, which is a darn shame, because it was really, really funny."
[Luz falls on her face.]
Principal Bump: Welcome, Luz, to Hexside School of Magic and Demonics! [Drops pamphlet on her head.]
Luz: [Weakly.] Hurray.
"Oh, Luz, I'm so proud of you," Camila said. "You're in a real magic school! Oh, your dad would so loved to have been here for this. He'd probably be bragging to all his friends. None of them would have believed him, of course, but Manny wouldn't have cared."
-THEME SONG-
[Cut to Eda and Luz flying on Eda's staff. Luz is wearing a Hexside uniform, though the normal uniform parts are in a lighter gray than most and her sleeves and leggings are white.]
"Looking very swanky, Luz!" Camila complimented her. Luz beamed.
Luz: Mmm, we gotta go back. This was a mistake! I'm gonna mess things up again and everyone will see, and—
Amity shook her head in disbelief. How Luz could have ever thought she was anything but the utmost in cool, in her own unique Luz way naturally, was a total mystery to her. One of her most important goals was to find some way to make her girlfriend see what an incredible person she was, but for now, she was somewhat at a loss as to how.
Eda: Right, you gotta calm down. What are you nervous about? You've been to school before.
Luz: That's why I'm nervous! At my human school, I didn't make a good first impression. This is a chance to be seen as something other than a screw-up.
"You're not a screw up to me," Camila assured her.
"Then why did you send me to camp?" Luz snapped.
Camila sighed. "Honey, I…I didn't send you to camp because you're a screw up. I should have explained this better, and that's on me. I sent you to camp because I wanted you to make friends. To understand that there is a time and a place for everything, including your weirdness. Also, Principal Hal was considering pressing charges and I wanted to head that off at the pass."
"Yeah, you would have gotten along so well with the Cabin 7 kids," Vee said. "They're all so awesome. Especially Masha…" Vee grinned at the thought of her wonderful, solicitous, and shockingly attractive friend, then cleared her throat when she realized she'd lapsed into daydreaming for too long. "Uh, yeah."
Eda: Hey, don't worry about what those dorks think. If you want my advice, walk into class and punch the first kid you see. To establish dominance.
"Hey, isn't that how you met dad?" Luz said.
Camila groaned. "I specifically told him to not tell you that story!" She had gotten the more kid friendly story that they met at a party that Camila had been tricked into thinking was a costume party, only for Manny to create an impromptu costume, pretend to be a Cosmic Frontier character, and ride with her into the sunset. Which, to be fair, had indeed occurred and was the first time they'd formally met.
"I want to hear the story!" Willow said.
"Well, mom's friend told her she needed to stand up for herself and to punch the next person who did her wrong," Luz explained. "So when she saw dad apparently graffitiing her locker, she punched him! Turns out he was actually cleaning the graffiti off her locker."
Gus frowned. "Well, she should have known that. The locker would have been trying to bite him if he was graffitiing it."
"I guess she wasn't thinking clearly," Luz said, a note of mischief in her eyes.
Luz: Aw, I won't be doing that. But thanks.
[They land at Hexside. Luz dismounts.]
Eda: Last chance to back out, and earn a new Bad Girl Coven patch. [Holds up a patch that reads "Quitter Badge".] Quitting: It's like trying, but easier.
Camila just chuckled at this. Eda was truly incorrigible, right?
Luz: Nah, I'll just earn it when I quit showering. Bye! [Runs off.]
"Please tell me that was a joke, mija," Camila begged.
"Of course I was joking," Luz said, genuinely offended Camila could think otherwise.
Eda: Hold up! [Throws hand at Luz's head to turn her around.]
Camila let out a scream. "I will never get used to that!" At least Hooty didn't have any limbs to detach. Thank heaven for small mercies there.
Just try not to be too much of a goody Luz shoes. [Screws her hand back on.] You got this.
Luz: Thanks, Eda. In fact, [Pulls sock puppets of her and Eda out of her pockets.] I have written a heartfelt sonnet to commemorate this occasion.
"It was a true masterpiece," Luz said defensively. "She didn't know what she was missing."
Eda: [Flying away.] Whoops! A gust of wind just got me. See you after school! Bye!
Luz holding Puppet Eda: You're gonna do great, kid.
Luz: Thanks, Puppet Eda.
"Has anyone told you that you need therapy?" Hunter said.
"Look who's talking."
[Cut to a banner reading "WELCOME TO THE NEW SEMESTER". Various students are arriving at Hexside. Luz looks around with a smile on her face. Amity and an abomination come up to her.]
Amity: [Her abomination mirroring her movements.] Hey, Luz! Congrats on getting in. And not being in the baby class.
"I was so happy to see you," Amity said. "I really thought I could have a true friend for once. And maybe…" Luz quickly shushed her.
Luz: Thanks, Amity! Up top!
[Amity high-fives Luz. Amity's abomination slaps Luz's face, leaving abomination mud behind. Amity and her abomination walk off.]
Luz: [Wipes mud off her face.] Blegh! Wow, my first day at Hexside. A chance to discover my true magical potential. And maybe meet a hot yet vulnerable upperclassman.
"Don't you dare!" Amity shouted at her. Everyone stared at her. She coughed. "Uh, I mean, she needed to find someone her own age…?"
King: Dream on!
Luz: King?
King: [Pops out of Luz's backpack.] Boop! [Pokes her cheek, then jumps to the ground.]
Luz: Why are you in my bag?
King: You're a free ride to the best buffet in town! Nyah! [Hops into a trash can, comes out with a half-eaten doughnut.] The trash cans here are filled with half-eaten gold!
Luz: Okay, but if anyone asks, you don't know me. [Walks away.]
King: Have a wonderful school day, person-I-don't-know!
Abomination Student: I really needed to hear that.
[Cut to the main staircase.]
Willow and Gus: Luz!
Luz: Hello, fellow Hexoleos!
Willow: Hello, classmate! [Winks.]
"It was so cool having you go to school with us!" Willow said. "Especially after you got to have classes with me."
Gus: You did it, Luz! [Summons letters reading out "BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!" Willow glares at him.] Sorry, I was, uh, covering all my bases.
Gus could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment. "I just wanted to be prepared," he defended himself.
Willow: So, do you know who those witches are? [Gestures to nine banners.] Those are the heads of the main nine covens. Each one excelled at a magic school like Glandus, St. Epiderm, and, of course, Hexside. Are you prepared to enter these hallowed halls?
"Ugh, I can't believe how easily I fell for this stuff," Willow said, now looking as embarrassed as Gus was.
"Hey, Willow, don't feel too bad," Gus said. "We didn't know any better. We'd been lied to our whole lives. So had our parents. It wasn't our fault."
Luz: Hmm, that's what I'm gonna figure out right now. [Goes inside.] See you on the other side, friends.
Gus: See you later, Luz. [Summons letters spelling out "GOODBYE FOREVER!" Willow glares again.] You know what? I'm uh, I'ma just get rid of these.
Luz forced out a laugh, ignoring the disappointed feeling she had once more that her friend didn't truly have faith in her.
[Cut to Principal Bump's office. Door closes.]
Luz: Hiya, Princy-B! Can I call you that?
"Oh, Luz," Camila said, shaking her head in dismay. "Can't you treat the administration with respect?"
"I was still scared of him," Luz explained. "He tried to cut me up, remember? I was trying to put on a brave face."
Principal Bump: Absolutely not. Now, today we'll be visited by the Emperor's Coven for a routine inspection. If we want to impress them, you'll need to join a coven track before they arrive.
"Stupid coven tracks," Willow said vehemently. "Stupid covens! Stupid emperor!"
Luz: Actually, Principal Bump, I've made my own schedule. [Unfurls a scroll.] First, Vet Care for Mythical Beasts, then Healing and Dealing, and then after lunch—
Principal Bump: [Laughs.] Studying multiple tracks at once? No one does that.
Camila frowned. How were people supposed to get a well rounded education if they only studied one subject? Of course, she realized a second later, that was likely the point. Belos didn't want people to become potentially more powerful than he was. Keeping the people badly educated kept them complacent.
Luz: Then I'll be the first.
Principal Bump: [Very serious.] No, you won't. [Holds up rule book with Emperor's Coven logo on it.] According to the rules, a good witch needs to hocus-focus.
Luz sighed. She didn't appreciate at all a reminder of how terrible she was at focusing, even if Bump had done it completely unintentionally.
You can only pick one of the nine tracks. [Points to the track banners above him.] And you do not want to embarrass me in front of the inspector.
Luz: But all the tracks are so cool! Is there some sort of enchanted article of clothing that could sort this out for me?
Principal Bump: Well there used to be, but...
"It's called the Choosy Hat," Luz explained. "It's like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter, but evil. After it killed a student, they locked it up and never used it again."
[Principal Bump shudders.]
Luz: I don't know if I can choose just one.
Principal Bump: Then I'll choose one for you. [Points to the track banners.] Eeny, meeny, miny, moe! Ah, yes! The Potions track. You humans are filled with liquids, right?
"That doesn't seem accurate," Gus said.
"You were the one who thought humans had gills," Hunter reminded him.
"The human body is, on average, 60% water," Vee recited. "I'm going to be acing your science class this year, Luz."
Luz scowled at her. Did it never occur to her that maybe Luz wanted to ace her own science class? Had it just been decided now that Vee was going to take her place for everything?
[Principal Bump casts a spell that changes the tunic and cowl of Luz's uniform to the standard greys and the sleeves and leggings to yellow.]
"Looking sharp there, Luz!" Gus said with a thumb's up. "Though I liked your multitrack uniform better."
Luz: Oh, I guess I have always liked pouring things into other things.
Principal Bump: I expect you to be on your best behavior. [Looks at a corkboard of with pictures of the results of Luz's previous visits to Hexside on it.] Based on the costly repairs from recent incidents, we could really use a donation from the Emperor's Coven. Now, off to class.
Luz laughed nervously. "I mean…my stuff wasn't the only incidents…and most stuff can be repaired with magic anyway…"
[He floats Luz through the door. Cut to Luz entering Potions 101.]
Potions Teacher: Welcome to a new semester! Let's get stirring! Today we'll make... [Grabs potion.] fog brews. [Smashes bottle on the floor; pops up in front of their desk.] Begin!
"You're just lucky Boscha didn't have to be your lab partner," Amity pointed out. Luz shivered. That sounded like a recipe for total disaster that would probably end with her dead or worse very, very quickly.
Luz: See, potions are fun! [Pours test tube into cauldron.] You could spend the rest of your life studying this, right?
"I mean, potions are cool, but they're basically just magical chemistry," Luz said. "I wanted more magical work!"
[Something explodes outside. Luz looks out the window. Willow and Selene are facing off as wind blows. Selene grabs a crystal ball, out of which pops a mummy-like ghost.]
"That was one heck of a fun afternoon," Willow reminisced.
Luz: The Oracle Track!
[Willow traces a spell circle that she slams on the ground. A carnivorous flower grows out of the ground and hisses.]
Hunter fanned his face. "Is it warm in here or is it just me?"
"It's just you, buddy," Gus said in a deadpan voice.
Luz: The Plant Track!
[The ghost and the plant go at each other.]
Luz: [Pawing at the window.] Wow!
[Yellow smoke from Luz's cauldron has taken over most of the room.]
"Oh, Luz," Camila said, shaking her head in dismay. She was normally so good at keeping safe in chemistry class at the very least.
Potions Teacher: Ahem!
Luz: Sorry! [Stirs her cauldron.] Sorry.
[The Potions Teacher walks away. Luz shudders. The bell inhales, rings smaller dinner bell. Everyone leaves class.]
"The bell was strictly forbidden from screaming, after uh…" Amity trailed off.
"After I kind of trashed the place a little?" Luz guessed. Amity nodded.
Luz: [Rotating her shoulder.] Ooh boy! Stirring is the pits. What else is on the schedule for today?
[She pulls out a list reading: "Potions for Beginners, Potions in Motion, Potions (Again), Still Potions, Potions 'Till You Die, Potions After Death".]
Yeah…Camila could see how this wasn't all that appealing to Luz, especially with her ADHD. Variety was the spice of life and so far Hexside was looking rather bland.
Luz: Oh, man! I'm sorry, elbow!
[Luz looks up. Selene replaces the crystal ball she had used in the battle in a closet and walks away.]
Luz: A crystal ball. Maybe it can show me if I'm on the right track. No, don't be tempted! It's your first day. Make a good impression. [Begins to walk away; pops up at the closet and grabs the ball.] Whoa!
"You just can't help yourself, can you?" Vee said. Luz shook her head.
Spirit: [Comes out of the ball.] You will be in trouble very soon.
Given that Luz was usually in trouble for something or other, Camila wasn't very impressed with this spirit's prognostication abilities.
Luz: Wow! Wait, what'd you say?
Principal Bump: Ahem!
Case in point.
[Cut to Principal Bump dragging Luz through the halls.]
Luz: But I wasn't studying other subjects! I uh... fog brew! [Tosses her potion on the ground, which doesn't work.] Yeah. I figured that wouldn't work.
"Eda always likes to use the one liner nonspecific excuse," Luz recalled. "Apparently, her ex-husband taught it to her."
King: [Climbs out of a trash can.] Nyah.
Luz: King! Vouch for my character!
King: Uh, right! I don't know you!
"You did tell him not to tell people he knew you if asked," Willow reminded her. "You have only yourself to blame for this one."
"What was he even doing in the school during all this hullabaloo?" Amity wondered.
Luz laughed. "Believe it or not, he pretended to be a sub. He nearly got away with it too, but Principal Bump caught him and chased him out."
[Luz glares at King as Principal Bump continues to drag her away. Cut to a classroom with bars on the door, which Principal Bump shoves Luz into. The Detention Teacher looks up from his scroll, and Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus look over at the door.]
"Oh, great, Viney," Amity muttered.
Hunter fixed her with a piercing glare. "Do you have a problem with Viney, Blight?" he said coldly.
"No, no!" Amity said, waving her arms around in a gesture that she hoped was placating. "It's just that Em has a massive crush on her and she will not shut up about her. It's always 'Viney did this' or 'Viney wore that' or 'when will Viney ever notice me, woe is me.'"
Hunter scowled. "She's too good for your sister. Viney deserves better than some troublemaker."
"Couldn't agree more," Amity said. "When we get back, let's make sure they never get together." Hunter nodded.
Luz was torn. On the one hand, this anti-wingman alliance went against all her foremost shipping principles. On the other hand, it was nice to see Amity and Hunter have something in common and this would help them become friends. What to do? Probably best to just say nothing and hope they forget about it, she decided.
Luz: What is this place?
Principal Bump: This is the place where all troublemakers go. [Turns Luz's sleeves and leggings dark gray.] The detention track.
Camila breathed a sigh of relief. This was much more of what she'd been expecting from detention than that horror show she'd encountered four "episodes" prior. Luz, thinking Camila was relieved she'd been sent to detention, glared at her but said nothing.
Luz: [Gasps.] Nooooo! Detention track? But this can't be possible, I-I thought I—
Principal Bump: Yes. Actual detention still needs... repairs. In the meantime, I am keeping all troublemakers far away from the eyes of the inspector. You may try for a new track next year.
Luz: But I'll be back in the human world by then.
Principal Bump: Maybe you'll do better in human school.
"Yeah, fat chance of that," Luz muttered.
[The door closes as Principal Bump leaves. Luz smiles awkwardly at everyone in the room, then sits at the desk.]
Luz: Hello, fellow detentioners. Room for one more? [Looks around.] I like the little spikeys in your hair.
Detention Teacher: Hey! You all better be quiet, unless you want to scrub the classroom again.
Luz: Hey, don't blame any of them. I'm the one that started talking.
Detention Teacher: Oh, hurray. A hero.
[A mop and bucket appear in Luz's hands.]
"Rule number one of detention: never draw attention to yourself," Camila explained. She had ample experience in detention. She just thanked her lucky stars Luz had never run into anyone who knew her as a teenager, except for Manny, of course. That had been by design, since she'd severed all contact with everyone from that period of her life and forbidden Manny from discussing her unpleasant past with Luz.
Luz: [Walks off.] Aw, farts.
[Viney watches Luz walk off and smiles. Cut to the detention room, where the Detention Teacher is asleep and Luz is polishing the bars on the windows. A teacher walks past the window outside with younger kids following her.]
Spider Teacher: Alright, kids. Who wants to go on a field trip to the astral planes?
"The astral plain is not all it's cracked up to be," Amity warned everyone. "It seems pretty cool at first, but it can cause dizziness, headaches, and even hallucinations."
Braxas: Yay!
Vee shifted a little uneasily. She didn't like seeing her chief tormentor's son having fun while his father got his jollies from torturing prisoners like Vee had been.
Student #3: I do!
Luz: I do.
Willow: Luz!
Luz: Oh, my gosh! I missed you so much. Let me squeeze your faces. [Squeezes Willow's face.]
Gus: What's going on? We didn't see you in any classes.
Luz: Principal Bump put me in the detention track for mixing magic.
"One day and I'm in detention," Luz said proudly. "I bet that's a record."
"That's not a record you should be proud of, Luz," Camila told her.
Willow: The detention track? You can't do anything in there.
Gus: You'll learn less than you did before.
Luz: No, I'm better than this. Please, you gotta help me break out.
"I mean, if I wasn't learning any magic, I might as well be home with Eda," Luz said and then coughed ferociously at letting slip the fact she considered the Owl House home.
Gus: Don't worry. We'll get you out, dead or alive!
"Man, I really had my foot in my mouth that day," Gus lamented.
[Willow glances at Gus, shakes her head.]
Gus: Okay. Alive.
Luz: Aw, you guys.
[Chair squeaks.]
Luz: It's the teacher. Gotta go!
[She turns around and sees Viney very close to her.]
Luz: [Gasps.] It's you!
Viney: Shh.
[Viney points to the snoring Detention Teacher, then gestures for Luz to follow her. Viney draws a square on the chalkboard with a keyhole in the center, then turns the chalk in the hole like a key. The square glows and swings open, revealing a passageway.]
Camila leaned forward with interest. The plot was thickening!
Luz: Whoa.
[Viney climbs through the hole, then helps Luz through. The square closes behind her.]
Luz: What is this place?
Viney: This is the last room you'll ever see alive.
Camila let out a loud gasp.
[Pauses.] Nah, just messing with ya. I'm Viney.
"She really had me going there for a second," Luz admitted. Camila nodded in agreement.
Luz: I'm terrified! Um, I mean... I'm Luz.
Viney: Thanks for standing up for us back there. Not many people would do that. Follow me! I wanna show you something. You're one of us troublemakers now, so you'll get special access to the Secret Room of Shortcuts!
[Viney opens a door, revealing a tower-like room with a spiraling ramp. The walls, floor, and ceiling are covered in doors and windows.]
"This is so cool!" Camila said. "I wonder who built this place…"
Luz: Whoa.
Viney: Hey, Jerbo! Barcus! You can stop hiding now!
Jerbo: [Opens a door.] How do we know she's cool, man? How do we know she won't turn us in? [To Barcus.] What do you think?
[Barcus barks.]
Jerbo: Barcus says your aura is strong and silly, like a baby's laughter. Welcome!
"That is the best description of you I've ever heard," Amity decided.
"Behold!" Luz shouted. "The strong and silly Luz Noceda!" Amity giggled.
Luz: Aah! I love secret rooms! Where do the doors go?
[Luz opens one into a hallway where Amity is pacing.]
Amity: [To herself.] So, you two go to the same school now, that doesn't change anything. [Sighs.]
"Spoiler alert: It changed everything," Willow said in a stage whisper. Gus sharply nudged her.
"Sorry about spying on you," Luz said. Amity waved a hand in dismissal. It had just been for a moment.
[Luz shuts the door.]
Amity: Huh?
Viney: This place connects the different parts of the school. We found it after being thrown in the detention track. The witch who made it is known as... [Gestures to a defaced portrait and wall of signatures.] Lord Calamity.
Luz was going to try to follow in this Lord Calamity's footsteps, wasn't she? Camila thought with resignation.
Jerbo: They started this troublemaker wall and we added our names in their honor.
Luz: This place is amazing. I bet you guys can get into so much trouble in here.
Viney: [Chuckles.] Sure, we can, but we can also do so much more.
[She points to where Barcus is listening in on an Oracle class. Luz walks up and watches with him.]
Oracle Teacher: Remember, seeing the end of a life is the beginning of reading a fortune. We have to work backwards from it to see the truth.
"Ugh, oracle magic is the worst," Amity complained. "That's the branch my mom is in," she explained to Camila, who nodded.
"Hey, my dad's an oracle!" Gus said. "Don't take your issues with your mom out on oracle magic. It can be used for great things!"
[The teacher folds a fortune teller. Barcus also folds one.]
Viney: We aren't allowed to study any kind of magic, so we study every kind of magic in secret.
"But…well, I admire the idea in principle, Luz, but what exactly was the point?" Camila asked. "The system requires you to only know one form of magic. How would this have prepared them for their future?"
"The point was rebelling against an unjust and incredibly evil system, mami!" Luz explained. "If you give up your integrity for the sake of profit, then what are you?"
Luz: You actually like school?
Viney: Yeah, we might have liked it too much.
Jerbo: I tried mixing plant magic with abominations. Bump was not thrilled.
"His aplantination threw a bunch of dirt at Bump's face," Luz explained.
Barcus makes potions with oracle magic.
"The potions professor saw a vision of himself decaying and turning to a skeleton."
Viney: Mixing healing and beast keeping was slightly unconventional.
"Puddles – her pet griffin – broke through a wall because he was so enthusiastic about helping out."
But Puddles was a great assistant, dang it! We all want to be in more than one coven track! But Bump just says we need to focus.
"Focusing is the worst," Luz complained.
Luz: Sounds like Bump's priorities are out of whack.
Viney: I'm glad you're one of us. You've made a great first impression. [Pulls out a marker.] Would you like to add your name to the troublemaker wall?
Luz: Aw! [Reaches for the marker.]
Willow: [Through the wall.] Luz? We're here to get you out of that horrible class.
Willow gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry, Luz."
"Eh, it wasn't your fault," Luz said. "You didn't have all the right information."
[Everyone looks at Luz.]
Luz: Eh, they're probably looking for some other Luz.
"Did you actually think anyone would fall for that?" Hunter asked. Luz decided not to dignify that comment with a response.
[Viney stands and peeks through the main entrance. Willow and Gus are looking around the detention classroom.]
Gus: Maybe she already booked it.
[Willow whistles like she's calling a dog.]
Gus: She did say she was better than this place.
"Wow, I am not looking good in this one," Gus lamented.
Viney: [Closes door.] Oh. You think you're better than us?
Luz: No, no, it's not like that. I just didn't think I deserved—mean, none of us deserve—
"I didn't mean it!" Luz said. "I didn't know about the secret room, about the secret studying! I just thought we were wasting time cleaning stuff."
Jerbo: J'accuse! I should've known you'd look down on us. Everyone else does.
[Barcus sneezes, captions reading: You have an aura of lies.]
"My aura of lies is entirely self-directed!" Luz shouted.
"That's not good, Luz," Camila said. "You do realize that's not good, right?"
Viney: It's fine, I just... I thought someone finally understood us. But, maybe you should just leave. [Points to the door.]
[Barcus gasps.]
Luz: I understand.
[Cut back to the classroom, where Gus plays with the Detention Teacher's mustache.]
"Gus," Camila said in a disapproving tone.
"It was just too tempting!" Gus said.
Gus: Man, this guy can sleep through anything. [Grabs mop.] I'm gonna test that theory.
Willow: No. We have to find Luz. If only these walls could talk.
[Luz pushes the wall door open.]
Luz: Hey, guys. [Slumps onto the floor face first.]
Willow: Thank you, walls! [Helps Luz stand.] We found a way to get you out to talk to Principal Bump.
Gus: We have an expert disguise! [Grabs a trashcan.] Hop in! It's got holes for your gangly teenage legs.
"Kind of fitting, given that I felt like trash at this point," Luz said.
[Luz looks at the wall as Viney closes the door.]
Luz: Yeah. That's right where I belong.
Gus: And this way the inspector won't see you either.
[Luz climbs into the trashcan. Gus puts the lid on Luz's head. She stands and walks off. Willow and Gus follow her. Camera pans to the still-snoring Detention Teacher. Gus pops up next to him and puts the mop on his face. He continues snoring.]
"I couldn't help it!" Gus said.
Gus: Incredible.
[Cut to an abomination stomping on stage. It growls and holds Amity up like an figure skater. They pose. The abomination puts Amity down.]
Everyone gave Amity a round of applause. She bowed. "Thank you, thank you. If any of you want more demonstrations of my incredible talent," she looked over at Camila, "I'm right here."
Amity: And that concludes the presentation from the Abomination track.
[Amity and her abomination bow.]
Principal Bump: [Politely applauds.] That was some real Hexside magic, huh?
Vee peered at the inspector. There was something about her face that seemed so familiar. But for the life of her, she could not place where she'd seen her before.
Inspector: Yes, this is... good! But let's see if your student can put up more of a fight! [Stands.]
Principal Bump: Yes, yes—wait, what?
[The inspector slams her hands down on the stage. Her face deforms, revealing that she is in fact a greater basilisk.]
Vee let out a shriek of horror. "I know her!" she shouted. "That's Number One!"
"She was locked up too?" Luz asked.
Vee nodded. "She was so angry all the time…she kept on getting more hateful and resentful as time went on. We all escaped at roughly the same time, but we split because we had a difference of opinion. Some of the basilisks, like One, wanted to get revenge on everyone who'd ever hurt them. But others, like me, just wanted to hide and live a normal life." She shivered. "So we all went our separate ways. I never found out what happened to the other basilisks…until now."
Principal Bump: Is, uh, this part of the inspection?
Amity: Abomination, fight!
[Amity's abomination runs forward and grabs the inspector. The inspector fully transforms into a basilisk and flings the abomination into the air.]
"I'm not like that!" Vee said frantically, her eyes wide with fear and her breath heavy. "I'm not a monster! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!" She looked Luz straight in the eyes. "You believe me, right, Luz? I'm not going to hurt you! I don't have it in me to hurt anyone, I swear!"
"Of course I believe you, Vee," Luz assured her. "You're not a bad person. You're my sister."
Camila cuddled her basilisk daughter tightly. "Oh, honey, you don't have to be afraid. We all love you here. Nothing will ever change that." Vee nodded slowly. "Besides, there are a lot of humans who aren't exactly friendly individuals out there either." Luz nodded fervently. If only she knew. "What matters isn't our species, but our choices."
Vee laughed caustically. "Our choices? I chose to lie to you! To take your place, Luz! To take the love that was rightfully yours!"
"Sweetheart," Camila said. "Mija. You are my daughter. I don't hate you for lying to me. I understand you were just scared. I am honored to raise you, to love you, to keep you safe."
"And I'm honored to have you as a sister, Vee," Luz assured her. "Okay, am I upset a little? Kind of. But, Vee, that's not about you. It's about me. I'm upset you were so good at being me, that you made friends and acted normal, because I was so bad at it."
"You were not, Luz," Camila said in her sternest tone available. "You are yourself and I love it when you are yourself. I wish, with all my heart, the rest of the world did too. And I am so profoundly sorry I ever gave you the impression otherwise." She looked over at Vee. "Now, cariño, if this is too upsetting, we can stop right now. Luz can summarize the rest of the episode to me in private."
Vee looked like she was seriously considering it for a while, but then she shook her head. "If what you're saying is true, then I have nothing to fear."
"Do you believe what I said is true?"
Vee sighed. "I don't know…but I really, really want to. So let's keep going."
[It growls and swallows the abomination. It slithers toward Amity, who backs away.]
Inspector: The magic at Glandus High was tasty. But I hope yours will be more filling.
Principal Bump: [Running between Amity and the inspector.] Amity, stay back. She's an impostor!
"Oh, well spotted," Camila said sarcastically.
[Principal Bump draws out a spell circle. The inspector inhales, swallowing the spell circle and draining his magic. His skin turns gray and he collapses.]
"Is…is he going to be okay?" Camila asked, biting her nails nervously. "I mean, losing his magic…it isn't going to kill him, is it?"
"No," Amity said. "Our bile sacs regenerate. But very, very slowly, and even more painfully."
"I would never, ever do that to any of you," Vee said, her voice frantic. "You believe me, don't you?" Everyone quickly nodded.
[Amity tries to cast a spell, but her magic is also drained, and she falls unconscious next to Principal Bump.]
"So much for my vaunted skills," Amity complained. "I was lucky Bump and the Emperor's Coven hushed the whole thing up. Mom would not have been pleased about my lackluster performance here."
"She could hardly fault you, a teenager, for not putting up a fight against a huge, terrifying m –" Camila quickly shut her mouth, but it was too late.
"Monster?" Vee said quietly. "Is that what you were going to say?"
Camila considered very carefully what the best way to respond was. "Honey, Number One was a monster," she said eventually. "But not because she was a basilisk. Because she chose to attack children. That is all." Vee wasn't sure whether or not to believe her.
[Cut to a hallway, where Luz is no longer in a trashcan. Luz sighs.]
Willow: Don't worry, Luz! Once we talk to Bump, we'll get everything sorted out.
Luz: I know, but what's the point if people get hurt on the way?
Gus: That is a fair question. Here's another question. What the heck is that?! [Points.]
[The Oracle Teacher is running away from the inspector, which is taking over most of a hallway. The teacher stops and casts a beam of light. The inspector slurps the beam of light up like spaghetti. The teacher falls, drained of magic. Willow, Luz, and Gus scream.]
Inspector: [Laughs.] More cute morsels!
"She may be cute, but she's hardly a morsel!" Hunter shouted.
"You think I'm cute?" Willow said teasingly.
Hunter opened and closed his mouth repeatedly. "I…well, that is to say…uh, er…NONSPECIFIC EXCUSE!" he shouted, and ran out of the room.
Willow: We may be cute, but we're nobody's morsels! [Summons carnivorous plant.]
Gus: Time for a power-up!
Hunter sulked back into the room, hoping no one noticed him. Much to his dismay, everyone did.
[Gus gives the plant buff arms. The plant launches itself at the inspector. It catches the plant with its tail and eats it. Willow and Gus both fall, drained of magic.]
"NO!" Hunter shouted.
Willow: [Tries to draw another spell circle.] I feel... so weak.
Luz: [Runs in front of her friends.] Eat this!
[She grabs her notepad and activates a light glyph on it, then throws it in the inspector's mouth. The spell activates, and the inspector screams, spewing out shredded paper.]
"Very clever thinking, Luz!" Camila praised her. As much as she hated seeing Luz in mortal danger as usual, she was proud of how well she reacted under pressure. And, of course, the fact that it wasn't her fault this time around was a nice added bonus there.
Luz: [Picks up Willow and Gus.] I'll get you guys somewhere safe!
Inspector: It burns! It burns!
Vee made a mental note not to eat any of Luz's light glyphs in the future.
Luz: [Bursts into the Secret Room of Shortcuts.] Guys! I need your help!
Viney: Oh. You're back.
Luz: I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, but please listen! [Falls, drops Willow.] Argh! Willow!
[Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus gasp.]
Viney: What happened to them?
Luz: Something horrible is loose in the school.
"Horrible because she's going around attacking children," Camila reminded Vee. "You. Are. Not. A. Monster. Okay, Vee? Say it with me!"
"I'm not a monster," Vee recited dutifully. Maybe one day she'd believe it.
[Luz opens a door to show the inspector draining more students' magic.]
Viney: Don't let it see us! [Closes the door.] I think that's a greater basilisk. I heard about them in a class. My cousin at St. Epiderm said she saw one, but those things should be extinct.
"So, Vee, you don't have to answer if it's too sensitive, but what exactly is the difference between a greater basilisk and a regular basilisk?" Camila asked. She was really keen on learning more about basilisks so she'd have a better idea of how to raise Vee.
"I don't know," Vee admitted. "Maybe it's just another name for the same thing as me and I'll look like that when I'm fully grown. There's so much about me I don't know."
"We'll figure it out together," Camila vowed.
Luz: It must've attacked the other schools, and now it's come for us. We have to do something.
Jerbo: But if Bump catches us mixing magic again—
Viney: He'd kick us outta school.
Luz: Hexoleos are out there gettin' hurt, and we're the only ones who can save them. We're troublemakers, right? So let's go out there and make some trouble.
"Now that's what I'm talking about, Luz!" Camila said. Luz beamed with pride.
[Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus share a look. Cut to a hallway, where the inspector drains Amelia of her magic.]
Inspector: Hungry! Still hungry!
[An ice glyph is thrown in front of the inspector. It activates, summoning a pillar of ice that throws the inspector back. Luz hops in front of it wearing a cloak.]
Luz: From humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise. I've trained with a secret society to discover the power of mixing magic! I am—
Inspector: Dinner!
"Man, no one ever lets me finish my dramatic monologues," Luz complained.
Luz: Wah!
[Luz ditches the cloak and runs. The inspector slams into the pillar of ice. It rights itself and chases after Luz.]
Luz: Viney! Do the thing, do the thing!
[Puddles flies through the halls and attacks the inspector.]
Hunter gave a wide smile. He was so proud of his teammate!
Viney: Attagirl, Puddles! Jerbo, now!
Jerbo: On it!
[An abomination opens a door in the floor as Jerbo summons several thorny vines. The vines latch onto a door handle in the ceiling.]
Amity sighed. Why such a talented witch had settled for her brother, she'd never know.
[The inspector claws at Puddles and throws her, then falls through the opened door. Luz hops in after it, sending it through the door in the floor of the Secret Room of Shortcuts. Cut to the auditorium, where Principal Bump sits up.]
Principal Bump: Must find help.
[The inspector falls onto the stage.]
"You rang?" Luz said.
Luz: Wooh!
[Luz falls through the ceiling after the inspector, landing on its stomach and flipping off of it to land on the stage.]
Luz: It's all you, Barcus!
[Barcus barks, grabs the inspector's palm.]
Inspector: Where am I?
[Barcus dumps a potion onto the inspector's hand. He squints at it, then his eyes glow. He yips.]
Inspector: What's he doing? What'd he say?
Luz: He's reading your palm, and your future looks bleak.
[Jerbo's abomination pulls at a rope that Puddles cuts with her beak. The rope drops sandbags onto the inspector's stomach. All of the magic it ate is released and returned to the proper witch. Everyone gasps as they get their magic back and wake up. Magic flies through the air as it returns to other schools. Back in the auditorium, Viney heals Puddles's scratched claw. Puddles warbles, flies off.]
Luz: AH! [Hugs Viney.] You did it! You were amazing! You guys—
Principal Bump: Are in so much trouble. Leaving your homeroom, mixing magic and—is that a secret hideout?
"Seriously?" Camila complained. "They just saved you from excruciating pain – maybe even getting killed – and this is your first reaction?"
[Willow and Gus duck away from the open trap door.]
Luz: Yeah, it is. But let's think about this, Principal Bump. Why would kids in the detention track need a secret hideout?
Principal Bump: I don't care to know the ins and outs of rascality. [Pulls out rule book.] But if the Emperor's Coven can send an actual inspector this time—
Luz: Okay, you need coven money. But if you have to hurt your students to get it, what's the point? They saved Hexside. They should be allowed to study what they wish.
"I am very proud of you for standing up for what you believe in, Luz," Camila said.
Principal Bump: B-but— [Hugs rule book.]
Gus: Do the right thing, ya dingus.
Camila gasped. "Gus! That is no way to talk to your principal! What was with you in this episode, young man?"
"I have no idea," Gus admitted.
Principal Bump: Alright, I'm smart enough to know when I've made a mistake. Which tracks would you like to be in?
[All gasp.]
Viney: Healing and Beast Keeping!
Jerbo: Plants and Abomination!
[Barcus barks.]
Principal Bump: Then so be it. [Changes their uniforms to reflect their new tracks.] But if any of you cause more property damage, I'm feeding you to the choosy hat.
"He didn't mean that," Luz said with a nervous laugh. "It was just a joke. Principal Bump is a real jokester at heart, you know." Camila decided she would give Bump the benefit of the doubt. Just this once.
[To Luz.] And you?
Luz: Oh, I still can't choose. Maybe it's crazy but I wish I could study a little bit of everything. Whoa.
[Luz gets a full magical-girl transformation sequence as her uniform takes several colors to reflect the different tracks.]
Camila smiled. Luz was going to get to study everything. Then she frowned. That sounded like such a heavy workload. Would Luz end up burning herself out?
"Don't worry, mom," Luz said, as if reading her mind. "My grades are pretty darn good if I say so myself."
Luz: What's going on? What is this? Whoa-ho! This is so cool. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna study everything!
Principal Bump: You know, only one other student wanted to study every track. [Summons Lord Calamity's picture.] Unfortunately, she was never given the opportunity.
[With a wipe of his hand, the graffiti on the picture disappears, revealing a young Eda.]
Luz: [Gasps, chuckles.] I shoulda guessed.
"I'm just glad you all accept me," Vee said. "Even after all that. I'm really, really lucky."
"Not half as lucky as we are to have you in our lives, Vee," Camila said and kissed her on the forehead. She loved her daughter so much.
