Amity opened her eyes and wiped the sleep off of them. She felt so well rested. And she was…oh, Titan, she was in Luz's bed! She quickly looked beside her and was relieved to find she was alone, and fully clothed too for that matter. How did she get in this situation? Last thing she remembered, she'd been drinking some orange blood, and then nothing.
She walked down to the basement to find everyone watching a movie. They all looked shocked to see her. "Amity, are you okay?" Luz asked, sounding very concerned. "I thought you'd be sleeping it off for the rest of the day. It's only been, like, an hour."
"Of course I am, Luz," Amity said. "What happened?"
"You had a bad reaction to some orange juice," Camila said, sounding like she was choosing her words carefully. "It's a relief to see you back to your normal self, Amity."
Amity narrowed her eyes. "What are you hiding?"
"You may not have had…any filter whatsoever when you were like that," Luz admitted.
A memory vaguely settled in the back of her mind. "Did I ask you to marry me?"
Luz blushed incandescently and nodded. "Okay, well…I'm sorry I got your hopes up, but…I think we're still too young for – "
"Oh, no!" Luz said quickly. "Totally get it. We'll say no more about it. Please."
Gus sighed theatrically. "And I was all set to be one of Luz's honor attendants." He winked at Luz.
"Well, with that settled, let's watch the next episode!" Amity said, returning to her usual place on the couch.
"I don't know, sweetie," Camila said. "Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Oh, this next one's gonna be great!" Amity assured her. "No mortal danger in any way whatsoever. Cross my bile sac and hope to die." Before Camila could protest further, Luz downloaded her memories into the mirror.
[Hooty enters the living room, where everyone is situated on the couches.]
Hooty: How we doin', Hoot House?
King: Can you keep it [His voice cracks.] down? [Adjusts his voice.] Down! [Does it again.] Down! Why does this keep happening?
Hooty: [Approaches King.] Sounds like our little demon is becoming a "de-man"!
Camila dearly hoped not. King was problematic enough to deal with as a child. As an adolescent, the wonders of puberty would add a whole new dimension of issues to the mix.
King: [Pushes Hooty away.] Ugh! Why does that sound so wrong coming from [Voice cracks again.] you? You! [Unintelligible angry noise.] I am done with this!
[King runs off.]
Hooty: Hahaha! [To Eda.] Those teens, eh? Their moods change like the wind.
[Eda lowers the paper she's holding up, revealing the shadows under her eyes, which are being kept open with clothespins.]
Camila let out a gasp. "Oh, wow. Luz, didn't you try to tell Eda she needed some sleep?"
"She never listens to me!" Luz said. "The moment I tell her something she doesn't want to hear, she's like you're just a kid and I'm the wise owl of the house."
Hooty: [Taken aback.] Whoa!
Eda: I'm freaking out, Hooty. Belos is planning something big, and I'm weaker than a newborn witchling. If I wanna protect you guys, I have to train as hard as I can to get strong! No rest!
"Resting is very important to a training regimen, though," Willow pointed out. "If I pushed myself to work out all the time, I'd have dropped dead from exhaustion. Instead, by pacing myself, I get to be this!" She flexed her muscles.
Hunter felt very lightheaded all of a sudden. "Hunter, are you okay?" Willow asked. "You're looking very flushed…maybe I should feel your forehead to see if you have a fever…"
"I'M FINE!" Hunter shouted.
"Who's Hunter?" Amity whispered at Luz, who giggled.
"I HEARD THAT!"
Hooty: But every time you overwork yourself, you turn into the Owl Beast!
Eda: I said no rest!
[Eda blows an air horn and leaves, irritating Luz who's lying on the other couch with the echo mouse's terrarium in front of her.]
"With her like that, I wasn't getting much sleep either," Luz lamented.
Luz: Can you please be quiet? You're scaring the echo mouse. And if he's not happy, I'll never make my way into Amity's heart.
"Aw, Luz," Amity said and planted a kiss on her cheek. "You're so romantic. I'm still amazed you were panicking over me as much as I was over you."
"You're very panic-worthy, Amity," Luz said. She hoped that was a compliment. It didn't sound like one, but Amity seemed to like it anyway.
[Realizes what she just said, a flush spreads across her face.] I mean make a portal back home. Uh, we have to go.
"Smooth," Hunter mocked her with a sarcastic slow clap.
[Luz picks up the terrarium and runs out of the room.]
-THEME SONG-
"So Hooty made it his business to help us with our problems," Luz said. "He was feeling really useless until Lilith gave him some encouragement."
"Would it violate the terms of our agreement if I said this doesn't bode well?" Camila asked.
"Not really, but it actually worked," Luz responded. "He helped Eda attain a sort of symbiosis with her Owl Beast. The end results were…well, I don't want to spoil a surprise. And he also helped King unlock these awesome sonic powers. But unfortunately, none of us saw this for ourselves."
[Luz runs into her room with the terrarium, still blushing, and closes the door with her foot before slumping against it and letting out a sigh.]
Luz: [Looks in the terrarium.] Okay, little mouse. If you don't want to tell me about Philip or how he made his portal, maybe you can tell me how to ask out a cotton-candy haired goddess?
Amity squealed in excitement. She just loved it when her girlfriend complimented her, even before she was her girlfriend at all. When she was young, she often dreamed of some princess or lady knight whisking her away from her tense, unpleasant life on a white pegasus and flying off with her into the sunset. But she figured that was all just a pipe dream. She knew her future destiny was to be married off and be a trophy wife to some boring society lady like Boscha or Skara. But Luz changed all that. She gave hope of a happy future to Amity. She hoped dearly they'd be together forever.
[The echo mouse gives her an uninterested squeak and turns around. Hooty puts on a determined face and backs out of the room.]
Luz: Amity's smart, cool, and classy.
Amity gave a huge smile. She had loved seeing those words written on the banner. She'd really appreciated how highly Luz thought of her. She rarely ever got compliments, even from her siblings, who were more witches of action when it came to showing their appreciation. And to learn Luz actually thought those things of her, instead of it just being Hooty extrapolating what Luz thought of her, made Amity extremely happy.
Asking her out should be breathtaking, emotional and real!
"Oh, Luz," Camila said. "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I remember when I tried to ask out Manny. I had all these grand ideas, mostly centering around Cosmic Frontier. But in the end, before I could use any of them, he just asked me flat out to be his date to a school dance. And it worked out wonderfully."
Everyone back home said I was cheesy. Can't let Amity think the same.
Luz winced, remembering the several times when she'd tried to ask out someone with a grand, spectacular, cheesy gesture, only for it to blow up spectacularly in her face. Everyone she had asked had laughed at her and mocked her. One particularly cruel boy had pretended to accept, only to stand her up and then mock her the next day for thinking he'd ever be interested in her. She just thanked her lucky stars she hadn't tried to ask any girls back in school. It was bad enough being made fun of by a guy – she didn't need to add getting outed to everyone on top of it.
[Someone knocks on her door. When she answers, she finds nothing but a card on the floor. She picks it up.]
Luz: [Reading.] "As we stumble through life, gloom knows no bounds. You'll only find love when you're in the ground"? Ugh! [She turns the card around.] "P.S. I mean the basement!" [Shouts.] Hooty, I don't have time for this! [Confused.] Also, we have a basement?
[Luz enters the basement holding a ball of light. When she's reached the bottom of the the stairs, she sees a shadow resembling Amity.]
Luz: [Shocked.] Amity?
[Upon closer inspection, it's just the shadow of a lampshade.
"Looks like you've got love on the mind," Gus teased her.
In front of the lamp itself is a large owl pellet.]
Luz: [Relieved.] Oh yeah, that's silly. Why would Amity be in our—
[The owl pellet starts moving and muffled noises are heard. It splits open, and gasping for air, out comes Amity.]
"It was utterly horrifying," Amity said with a shudder. "My whole life flashed before my eyes!"
She had been minding her own business in her bedroom, writing some Good Witch Azura fanfic, when everything went black. She strongly suspected that one or both of her siblings must have knocked her out. They had been quite unsurprised when she returned home and told them in great detail about how she had a girlfriend now and was the happiest witch in the land because of it. She woke up inside Hooty's stomach. She didn't remember precisely being ejected from it; her mind had probably blocked out those memories because they were too traumatic.
Luz: [Horrified.] Amity!
Amity: [Surprised.] Luz? Where are we? [Holds her head, trying to remember.] I think Hooty brought me here?
Luz: [Flustered.] Uh, well, this is our basement. I am so sorry about this. [Helps Amity up.] Hooty's been acting weird all day.
This had really been the first time they'd talked since the kiss. Even after Amity returned to Hexside, she'd made it her business to avoid Luz, no matter how much it hurt her heart. She'd convinced herself she'd overstepped her bounds and was desperate to avoid getting rejected by Luz. She couldn't reject her if they never spoke again!
Amity: [Equally flustered.] Yeah, heh... house demons get like that, after a couple thousand years. [She puts some distance between them.] It's fine. Listen. About what happened, at my place. I kinda... if we could just forget about the whole thing? Maybe? I...
"I'm glad we didn't forget," Luz said, and kissed Amity, who gave a giggle.
"Oh my Titan, they're gonna be like this for the whole damn episode," Hunter realized, horror filling his voice.
Luz: Hey! All I care about is getting you out of our dirty weird basement.
Luz remembered being absolutely mortified. She hated being rejected. It was just the worst feeling ever. Rejection sensitive dysphoria was the worst thing in the whole world, and to have Amity do it to her made her want to avoid further discussion of the matter at all costs.
[When she gets closer, she triggers a trapdoor that sends them stumbling into each other. Turning red due to the positions they're holding each other in, they scream as the floor beneath them gives way and sends them down a tunnel; Hooty looks down it with a hoot. The girls reach the bottom and land in a pile of pillows. The second Luz sees where they landed, she lets out a terrified gasp as the cherub embroidered on a pillow winks at her.]
Luz: [Quietly.] Oh, no.
[Luz incinerates the pillow with a fire glyph, causing Amity to scream barely avoiding it.]
"My God, Luz, what were you thinking?" Camila said, absolutely horrified. "You set something on fire mere inches from Amity's head! Don't you ever do anything like that again!"
Luz lowered her head. "Sorry, mami."
"I have enough things to worry about without you acting like some pyromaniac."
[Luz scrambles out of the pile and catches a falling card.]
Luz: [Reading.] "To return to the world above, make your way through the tunnel of"— [Gasps.]
[Lights turn on to reveal a tunnel of love, complete with swan boat bearing Hooty's face.]
"Oh my gosh, he did all this for you?" Camila said, utterly amazed. "Oh. Oh my. Hooty helped the two of you get together, didn't he?" She laughed. "And all this time I hated him…what delicious irony!"
"I would have worked up the courage to ask her eventually," Luz said defensively.
"Yeah, right," Vee said.
"You have no legs to stand on," Luz snapped back. "Both literally and metaphorically!"
Luz: [Quietly.] If Amity sees this, she'll think I'm such a loser!
"Hey, you shouldn't think so badly of yourself," Amity said softly. "Or me for that matter. I've seen you do a lot of weird things, Luz. You should have had more faith in me."
Amity: [Curious.] What is this?
[Luz cups her face and lets out horrified groan.]
Hooty Ride: Hoot! [It wraps around the girls and drops them in the boat.]
Luz and Amity: Whoa! Ugh!
Tunnel of Love: I'll conjure up some flowers
"It's so sweet of him to do this for you," Camila said. "I owe him an apology. And some empanadas! Yes, that's it! I'm going to make him a nice batch of empanadas! And my three wonderful children will help me."
Hunter beamed. He had a mom now! Who trusted him! Belos had always been dismissive of domestic work like cooking, saying it was beneath men such as themselves. Learning how to cook sounded like an awesome way to defy him further.
Luz: [Takes a deep breath.] Hooty!
Tunnel of Love: We could hold wholesome hands for hours You'll be my sweetheart My sweetheart My wholesome magic sweetheart
"I like being your wholesome magic sweetheart," Amity said and kissed Luz.
[As they enter, Luz buries her face into her hands mortified. Amity looks to the side and sees a giant heart saying "I think you're smart, cool and classy." Flattered, she gives off a small smile and her whole face glows as she starts playing with her hair.]
"You…you really liked the tunnel of love?" Luz asked incredulously.
"Well…yeah," Amity said. "I thought it was really charming. We don't really have anything like that in the Demon Realm. So I thought you were trying to ask me out human style, and I liked it a lot!"
Luz: [Anxious.] Oh, no. I'm gonna be made fun of again.
"Camila, how do you feel about inflicting psychological torment on people with illusions?" Gus asked. "Hypothetically speaking, of course."
"As much as that would be fun to see, Gus, I'm afraid I can't approve any plan that involves you using any magic outside this house," Camila lamented. "It's just too risky. However, if you wanted to get revenge in mundane ways…I could be persuaded to turn a blind eye depending on the plan."
Amity: Did you—uh—did you just say something?
[Before Luz can answer, she sees another display: two bees surrounding a heart saying "Amity bee mine".]
Luz: No! [Tears down the display, gets up holding an antenna.] That was—uh—an invasive species.
"It was like something out of a nightmare," Luz said. "I thought you were gonna hate me for being so ridiculous. And the worst part is, now I know if I had just sat back and let it happen, it all would have turned out okay!
[Giggling is heard from a cherub prop that fires an arrow into the water. Said arrow has a note that reads "U R A QT". Luz gives a terrified yelp as more arrows are fired at them.]
Luz: [Deflects the arrows with the antenna.] I'm so sorry, Amity! This is not supposed to happen!
Camila couldn't help but cringe. She really hoped this was going to get better, because the secondhand embarrassment was reaching devastating levels.
[Amity's face starts to fall. As more displays sing Luz, unable to take anymore, blows one of them up and lets out a battlecry as she uses glyphs to destroy everything, completely unaware of the look of despair Amity now has.]
"Oh my god," Luz said, as her mouth dropped open. "Your worst fear. This was…you thought I was rejecting you! You thought your worst fear was becoming reality!" Amity just nodded. "Oh, Amity, I'm so, so sorry. God, I didn't even consider…"
"Hey…it's okay," Amity assured her. "It was just a misunderstanding, that's all. It all worked out in the end."
[It isn't long before the ride stops. Luz emerges from the water, gasping for air.]
Luz: [Panting.] This... was a nightmare.
Amity: [Morose.] Yeah, it kinda was. [Gets out of the boat and starts to leave.] I'll get out of your hair.
"No!" Luz shouted, momentarily sucked into the episode so much she had forgotten it wasn't really happening. "You can be in my hair as much as you want!" She laughed nervously as reality caught up with her.
Luz: Amity, wait. This wasn't me. This was all Hooty's stupid idea.
Amity: Yeah. This was stupid. I mean, us? Dating? Heh. That's stupid, right?
"Yeah, I'm…not the best at reading a room," Luz admitted.
[Amity turns around, wiping away a tear. Luz gasps but before she can explain, Hooty, shedding his own waterworks, pops up between them.]
Hooty: No! I did it again!
Luz sighed. If she'd just gone along with it, Hooty wouldn't have become so distraught! And she could have asked Amity out instead of Amity beating her to the punch, which she was still annoyed by.
[Hooty retreats back to the front door once more. Later, the girls have gotten out of the basement through a cellar door.]
Amity: What's going on?
Luz: I don't know, but things always get weird when Hooty's upset.
"They get weird when he's not upset too," Camila muttered, but with no bite in it. In truth, she owed Hooty a debt she could never repay for getting Luz together with her wonderful novia.
[The ground rumbles.]
Luz and Amity: Whoa!
[The tower starts to break apart.]
King: Luz! Luz! Run! [Struggles in Eda's grasp.]
Camila peered at the screen. Who was that phenomenally gorgeous harpy like woman holding King? She looked so familiar somehow…
[A piece of the tower falls towards the girls and unable to clear away in time, they crouch down.]
"I forgot about this," Amity said, looking at the floor. "Sorry, Mrs. Noceda." Camila waved a hand. Obviously, Luz would be fine.
King: No!
[King sends off a sonic wave that destroys the piece.]
"His squeak of rage!" Vee said. "It's real!" Luz nodded. She wondered if King's squeak of rage had actually been him subconsciously trying to manifest his sonic powers.
[The girls look up and gasp as they see the atmosphere caused by it, Luz staring at Amity for a moment.]
Camila gave a huge grin. "It's hard to think of a circumstance more romantic than this one."
Harpy Eda: [Amazed.] Did you do that?
Camila's mouth dropped open. That was Eda! Camila could feel her face warming up. Her whole body felt warm actually. Either she was coming down with a sudden illness or…no. Surely not. "Excuse me for a sec," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.
She ran off to the bathroom and splashed water on her face. "This is fine," she tried to convince herself. "I totally don't have a crush on Luz's other mother. Her very female other mother. Because I am 100% straight. And even if I wasn't, I don't have time for a sexuality crisis right now. So I'm just gonna pretend it's not happening." With that settled, Camila returned to her seat and whistled innocently.
Luz gave a diabolical grin. She'd been suspecting Camila might have had a crush on Eda and this just confirmed it. She had to get the two of them together when they got to the Isles! Of course, Raine still had a thing for Eda, but heck, Eda had two hands. Well, metaphorically. Polyamory was totally a thing in the Demon Realm. And perhaps if she played her cards right, she could get Raine and Camila interested in each other too.
King: I... I think I did? I think I got a power!
[Eda takes them down and lands by the girls as they stand.]
Harpy Eda: Are you two okay?
Luz: Whoa. Not as okay as you. Dang, girl. I have a few questions for later.
Amity arched an eyebrow. "Scientific questions," Luz clarified in a dignified tone.
[Hooty rushes past them still crying his eyes out.]
Hooty: I failed you all! I failed you all!
Harpy Eda: [Reassuring.] No, no, no, Hooty. You actually weirdly helped me. I'm like a harpy woman now.
Camila shivered a little at the echoey voice of the Harpy Lady. She'd be lying if she said it didn't do things to her. Not that she'd ever say it did out loud.
King: [Proudly.] And I can explode things with my voice powers!
Hooty: But I still failed Luz!
Harpy Eda: Luz, what was Hooty trying to do?
King: Quick! Pretend he helped you, before he destroys everything.
[With no way to avoid it, Luz takes a deep breath and beckons them to come closer. Eda uses her wing to give them some privacy.]
Luz: [Whispering.] He was trying to help me ask Amity out.
Camila sighed. While the balance of probability suggested that Luz didn't understand that she was, in fact, coming out to Eda this way (or even that she had already done it offscreen), it still stung to see Luz so casual about doing it after she'd spent years being too nervous to do it with Camila.
Harpy Eda: [Whispering.] Oh, whoa. Do you wanna?
[Luz sneaks a glance at Amity, who's focused on Hooty, then turns back blushing and nods.]
Luz: [Shyly.] Mm-hmm.
Harpy Eda: Then do it!
"Sometimes, it really is that simple," Camila said. "Grand gestures are good and all, but you can't be like that all the time. No, not even you, Luz. You just need to work up the courage and then do it." She looked pointedly at Vee when she said this.
Vee took a deep breath and then nodded. Yeah. Camila was right. There wasn't a good reason to keep delaying asking out Masha. When they showed up for their studying date later, she'd turn it into a real one! Or more likely chicken out. But she'd give it her best shot.
Luz: Like this?! [Gestures to Hooty, now rolling on the ground.]
Harpy Eda: Yeah, I hear you. I might be able to help. It won't be perfect, but huh, does it really need to be? Good luck, kid!
[She takes flight with King still in her arms and grabs Hooty, flying high in the sky. Working up the nerve, Luz turns back around.]
Luz: Amity?
[The ground beneath the girls collapses, leaving them in a crater. Luz regains her senses and checks on Amity.]
Luz: Oh, my gosh. Amity, are you okay?
Amity: I'm all right.
[Luz helps her up.]
Luz: I was just... I've been wanting to ask you something for a while. But I wanted to do it in the best way. And in the tunnel of love, I thought: "Amity's too cool for this." [Turns red.]
Camila leaned forward, on the edge of her seat. It was finally happening! Her daughter was going to ask out Amity!
Amity: [Embarrassed.] I'm not as cool as you think.
Luz: Okay. Everything is so crazy right now, and I have no idea what my future holds, but it would be so cool if you were in it, so, uh...
Camila, being your friend is amazing, Camila remembered Manny saying. But you know what would be even more amazing? If you'd be my date to the dance. And if you'd do me the honor of going on a date with me this Saturday too. And she had, and she was so happy with him…right up until the moment she wasn't with him anymore.
[Luz stares at the ground, then takes several deep breaths but before she can say anything Amity interrupts her.]
Amity: [Quickly.] Do you wanna go out with me?
Camila smirked. "She beat you to the punch, mija!"
"You don't have to rub it in…"
"You're right, of course, querida," Camila said. "Hunter, if you would?"
"You snooze, you lose!" Hunter said on cue, and high fived Camila.
Luz: [Exhales.] No! I was so ready.
Amity: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You can say it.
Luz: [Sighs.] Okay. Amity Blight, do you wanna go out with me?
"We're gonna have that date," Luz promised her. "We're gonna make it work. I promise you. It'll happen. I'll make sure of it."
"I'm looking forward to it."
Amity: Yes! [Laughs.]
Luz: Okay!
"Oh, Luz," Camila said, wiping a tear from her eyes. "That was just…perfect. Manny would have been so proud of you."
[Unsure of what to do now, Luz timidly holds out her hand and Amity takes it into her own.]
Luz: Why is this still so scary?
Amity: I don't know.
"Does it ever stop being scary, mami?" Luz asked.
"No," Camila admitted. "But it helps to know the other person is just as scared as you are."
[Up in the sky, Hooty's still crying but now it's tears of joy he's giving off. King gives him a look while Eda watches the girls.]
Harpy Eda: Dang, Hooty, you really are something.
"And you know what?" Luz said. "Eda told me the crater ended up in the shape of a heart! I mean, what were the odds?"
[Cut to the next day, where everyone is in the living room. King uses his sonic wave to shatter a glass. He attempts to use it on the crystal ball but is stopped by Eda sporting claws. Eda looks at her apprentice with pride. As Luz writes down the info Amity is giving her, Amity starts staring at her. When Luz notices, they both blush and look away, laughing. Hooty smiles at them.]
"Well, that's it," Luz said. "Oh, one thing, though. After this, Hooty got a letter from a mysterious demon who looked rather like King…and then he ate it. But that Chekhov's gun didn't fire for a while."
"What's a gun?" Gus asked.
"LET'S WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE NOW," Luz shouted.
