Avenging Act III, The Animal Farm Chapter 2

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Chapter: Man Beast made his bid for control of the ALF, Ryouga related the tale of his grudge against Ranma, while Kang went time traveling in order use the Fourth Sleeper to destroy the Avengers, failing in the process largely thanks to Giant Man and the Wasp.

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"Don't tell me you're going in again?" Kiyoshi Sogabe asked.

Ichiro Nikaido made certain his fellow scientist could see his smile through the hazmat suit's clear faceshield. "I'm sure I'm about to make a breakthrough. I figure a couple more hours and my luck will change. I can feel it."

Kiyoshi rolled his eyes. "You've been at it for twenty-four hours straight and aren't any closer to the solution than you were before. Personally I think you're developing a very Ahab-like vendetta in this project."

"Arab?" Ichiro pronounced slowly.

"Ahab. It's a reference to Moby Dick, a Western novel. The captain in it wanted revenge on a whale. That desire for vengeance consumed him and ended up destroying all of those around him in the end," Kiyoshi explained.

Ichiro gave a dismissive wave. "You and your foreign influences. Give an example from Japanese literature next time." He laughed and headed to the lab.

Kiyoshi shook his head sadly. Ichiro had become disturbingly obsessed with his project. He hadn't even checked his suit's seals properly before heading in. Not that anything he was handling would be hazardous, but it was standard operating procedure. The rules were there for a reason. Well, Kiyoshi might have skimped on them from time to time, too, but he was more careful than that stumblebum friend of his.

He supposed it didn't really matter since it was Ichiro's problem. Kiyoshi went to the showers and cleaned up. Ordinarily he would just grab a shower at home rather than using the company's facilities, but he had a date with a cute little receptionist in engineering he had been hitting on for the last month. He couldn't figure out why she had finally accepted, unless she had broken up with her previous boyfriend, or found out what Kiyoshi's salary was. In any case, you used whatever got your foot in the door and charmed them from there.

Thirty minutes later Kiyoshi was cleaned up and ready to go. A quick glance at his watch revealed his date wouldn't be done for another twenty minutes, after which they would go straight to the nearest bar. That was enough time to check on Ichiro and see if he had fallen asleep next to the old 'Bunsen burner' as his old college professor had termed it when working extra long shifts.

Kiyoshi used his ID card to enter the security room. He talked briefly to the bored guard (who looked even sleepier than Ichiro) manning the monitors before turning to the ones focused on the lab. A glance showed Ichiro hard at work with his Petrie dishes, tuning out the rest of the world he wanted to save.

Kiyoshi almost left, then on impulse, turned on a speaker to the lab. "So, Ahab, how goes the hunt for the great white whale?"

Ichiro turned away from his work and looked up at the monitor. "Great whites are sharks, not whales."

As Ichiro said that, he knocked over one of the vials he had been using. The top had not been clamped shut properly, and the contents spilled on the floor, puddling at his feet.

"Thanks for making me spill my project. I just got done working on that one," Ichiro said testily.

Kiyoshi watched as Ichiro bent over, then stopped. The scientist looked at his gloved hand for some reason.

"What is it?" Kiyoshi asked.

Rather than answering, Ichiro began to convulse. It was a slight tremor at first, but then became more violent, like an epileptic seizure.

"Shit, I've got to get down there." Kiyoshi turned away from the monitor.

Just as he was about to leave the security room he heard the guard gasp. Kiyoshi turned and gazed in shock at the scene in front of the monitor.

Ichiro had headed toward it, his facemask pointed at the camera in an obviously pleading gesture. Blood poured from his nostrils and eyes as he convulsed uncontrollably. It was the most horrifying thing Kiyoshi had ever seen. He watched transfixed as blood ran down his friend's face, covering it in a crimson mask.

And then Ichiro hit the floor, his body finally ceasing its movement.

Kiyoshi was in shock, barely hearing the guard babbling to himself as he leafed through a manual about what to do in such a situation. Finally the guard hit the alarm that sealed the lab and alerted the bio-hazard team to the calamity.

In the time it took him to do that, Kiyoshi watched as the suited form of his friend slowly began to flatten, until it appeared there was nothing left other than an empty suit.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What do you mean it's being classified as an 'industrial accident'?"

Kiyoshi stared at his supervisor, Tetsuki, a middle-aged man of no talent whose only reason for being head of the department was that he had written a paper thirty years ago that had garnered enough attention for him to be proclaimed the next Petrie. Only it turned out he was closer to Walli than Julius. But not before managing to cement his position in the company.

"Technically it was," the blubbery man said, more nervous than Kiyoshi had ever seen him.

"He did not fall into an," he looked over the report again, "incinerator!"

"Some of the details might be a bit… embellished, but it was an industrial accident," his supervisor repeated. Then Tetsuki said in a whisper, as though his office were full of people instead of empty. "Look, the company is in the final stages of being sold and the president doesn't want any waves during the last days of the transaction. So it was decided by the select few people that know about the incident to classify it as something that won't draw attention. After the sale is complete, we can clarify the situation with our new management. Trust me, they'll appreciate our ability to keep such trifling details to ourselves. Think of it as a resume builder."

Kiyoshi felt like slapping the man around, but refrained, mostly because he himself wasn't exactly in the best shape in the world ('potatoey' being the most accurate descriptor). Besides, Kiyoshi was mostly resigned to the fact the situation was going to be swept under the rug. He rather liked his job and his seven-figure salary. Going public with the fact one's pharmaceutical company had its own workers falling over dead from its experimental research was not conducive to inspiring trust in the populace's eyes. Nor would it be conducive to him finding a new job. Lots of people might say they found whistleblowers admirable, but not to the point of hiring them.

"Fine. It was an industrial accident," Kiyoshi said as though reading a script.

Tetsuki jiggled in his seat. "Good man, good man. I'll write an excellent recommendation in your next evaluation."

That wouldn't hurt. Kiyoshi was ready to let the matter rest, save for one niggling detail. "I have a request to make. Since I was Ichiro's closest friend, I'd like to be the one to destroy what killed him: Culture 1201."

Tetsuki shifted uneasily in his chair. "Yes, about that. Well, we're not destroying Culture 1201 just yet."

"What? Why?"

Tetsuki continued shifting his corpulent mass uneasily. "You see, since our new owner is in the weapons industry, they might be inclined to… look at it considering its effectiveness."

"Culture 1201 was supposed to be a cure for cancer, not a bio-weapon!"

"Yes, well, I think we can agree it's fairly useless as a cure for cancer in its current state, but there's no reason for Ichiro to not have some sort of legacy, his death not being in vain and whatnot. In the meantime, we're going to move up to animal testing with it. Maybe we can get it to work the way it's supposed to, and if not, we'll have valuable data on it for when the new ownership takes over."

Kiyoshi was speechless. He didn't bother protesting further: it would accomplish nothing and destroy what credibility he had recently built with his supervisor. Still, this was not the sort of legacy Ichiro would have wanted.

Not at all.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Soun Tendou firmed his resolve, something he rarely did when it came to his daughters, but there were issues that needed deciding in regards to Ranma. Soun was beginning to suspect his girls weren't as enthusiastic as they had appeared at first. In fact, he was coming to the conclusion that they might be dragging their feet. If so, it was his duty as their father to give them a paternal shove along the pathway of their future. They might resent him in the short term, until the wisdom of his insistence became evident, but being a parent meant doing tough things sometimes.

He waited at the base of the stairs. It was a school morning, and that meant either Nabiki or Akane would be coming down, and he could talk to them one-on-one.

It was Nabiki who appeared first. The instant her eyes settled on her father, they narrowed dangerously. "Want to spar some, Daddy?"

Soun involuntarily shuddered. "No need. I'm sure Ranma's doing a fine job of teaching you. No, what I wanted was to discuss your future with you."

"You're leaving me everything with no strings attached?"

Again Soun shuddered. "Ah, no, but if you were to marry Ranma I might consider it." Actually the plan called for whomever married him to inherit the house and dojo, though the two who didn't marry Ranma would be given a little something as well.

"That sounds like a major string to me," Nabiki said.

Soun cleared his throat. It was time to use that wonderful speech he had prepared last night. After hours of planning, he was certain he had the perfect way for his offspring to see things his way. "Now see here, Daughter, Ranma is—"

"Perfect for Akane, if you ask me," Nabiki threw in. "I mean, it's not like my dear little sister is going out with a lot of guys."

"Er, well, that is true," Soun admitted, trying to figure out how to restart his opening monologue.

"And even though it shouldn't be, her little leg problem isn't likely to attract a lot of suitors either."

"Yes, yes, most unfortunate, that. Some people see only the outside of a person instead of their inside," Soun muttered to himself, his thinking processes shifting gears to consider the information Nabiki was mentioning.

"And Ranma is not only the same age as Akane, but I think he's warming up to her. The two get along fine. Note how Akane never accuses him of being a jerk, like she does a lot of guys."

The machinery in Soun's mind clicked into place.

Nabiki prodded her father with her elbow. "You ought to be talking to her about what a perfect couple she and Ranma would make."

Soun envisioned that. Certainly Akane could make Ranma happy, and him the same to her.

"Got to go, but you think about what I said." Nabiki shot down the hall at top speed and out of sight.

Soun pondered the situation. Yes, much of what Nabiki said made sense. Akane would be the ideal wife for Ranma. That settled the matter in his mind. Best to inform Akane of his decision.

He hadn't long to wait as Akane came down the stairs, using her gnarled wooden cane for support.

Soun smiled warmly "Ah, Daughter, how good it is to see you."

Akane stiffened. "What do you want, Dad?"

Soun was hurt. "Can't a father just wish his little girl a nice day?"

"Then this isn't about me marrying Ranma?"

Soun's jaw shut with an audible clack. After a moment, he said, "Well, since you brought it up, I think—"

"It would never work, and you'd be right," Akane said cheerfully. "Kasumi, on the other hand, would be a perfect match for him."

"Well, yes, they would make a fine couple," Soun admitted, trying to figure out how to restart his opening monologue.

Akane nodded sagely. "She already has the whole housewife thing down pat. She doesn't have any plans to further her education. In fact, she's sort of just hanging around the house, helping to take care of us. I don't think it's fair to her to have to keep house for her family. We're holding her back."

"I… never thought of it that way," Soun admitted. Was he keeping his eldest daughter from moving on with her life? What a terrible father he was if that was the case. Although she could cook like a gourmet chef.

"Besides, she hasn't exactly been dating any guys lately. Not good for her at all. If she's not careful, she might become an old maid before she realizes it."

Soun nodded in agreement. Everyone knew that if a woman wasn't married by thirty, she probably never would. Oh, some of the new breed of salarywoman might disagree and claim there was nothing wrong with getting married later on, but it was so… untraditional. And being married later meant less grandchildren. No, it would be for the best for Kasumi to marry long before that. The sooner the better. The biological clock was ticking away.

"Got to go. See you later, Dad." Akane limped off as quickly as she could.

Soun was left to ponder the situation. Yes, much of what Akane said made sense. Kasumi would be the ideal wife for Ranma. That settled the matter in his mind. Best to inform Kasumi of his decision.

Soun walked to the kitchen where his daughter was putting the finishing touches on cleaning up after breakfast. Yes, he was definitely holding her back. Best that she was doing this for her husband. Of course, Ranma would no doubt continue living here, so Kasumi would still be helping out, but now it would be for a good cause.

Soun began. "I have something to discuss with you, Daughter. It concerns marrying Ranma."

Kasumi turned and said, "I know I'm too old for him, Father, I realize that, so you have nothing to fear."

Soun was momentarily taken off track. "Actually, I don't think the age difference is important. After all, your mother was older than me, and it still worked out for us."

"She was two months olderr than you," Kasumi said.

"Er, well, yes, but two months can be a long time," Soun insisted.

Kasumi was unperturbed. "Not to worry, Father. I know the perfect choice: Nabiki."

"Well, actually…"

Kasumi talked on, as though oblivious to her father's attempts to interrupt. "She and Ranma are both very impressive martial artists, and the point of this is to join the two schools."

"Well, yes, that is true," Soun admitted.

"It's a great deal of common ground they share. A cornerstone of a marriage is having common interests, is it not?"

"Yes, yes it is," Soun agreed.

"And a one year difference in age is insignificant, especially between sixteen and seventeen. Why it's no different than if they were the same age."

"True," Soun agreed, though something was tickling at the back of his mind, a feeling of a lack of accomplishment. "Well, in regards to that, daughter, I am concerned about you. While you do a magnificent job of keeping house, it might make you the most suitable to become a wife—"

Kasumi cut him off. "Actually I meant to talk to you about that. I have a job now and will be gone from home frequently."

"What?" Soun said, in shock. "A job? Where?"

"I'm working for Kunou Industries. I'm in their public relations department. It has a very nice salary, but I'm on call a lot and have to leave at unusual times, like right now." She put her apron away and headed for the doorway to leave the kitchen. "There's food in the refrigerator for you and Mr. Saotome. Have a nice day, Father." She gave him a peck on the cheek and headed out, calling back, "Be sure to talk to Nabiki about your decision." There was the sound of a door slamming shut.

"I think I already did," Soun said, wondering exactly what had just happened, and why it felt like he had lost ground instead of gaining it.

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"Hey, Akane! Ranchan!" Ukyou shouted, walking daintily up to the pair as they headed to school.

"Hey, Ukyou." Akane felt a pang of envy at just how feminine her friend could appear. She practically made Kasumi look like a guy. Bishonen, maybe, but a guy.

"Yo, Hawkeye," Ranma said.

"Don't call me that!" Ukyou snarled in a decidedly unfeminine way, one that made Akane nearly recoil. There was something horribly wrong about someone so feminine sounding so masculine.

Ukyou caught herself and giggled girlishly. "Sorry. I'm a bit moody today. It's my 'girl time' for me."

"Oh, I see," Akane said.

"What the hell's girl time?" Ranma asked.

Ukyou turned and quivered. "I couldn't possibly talk about that with a boy," she said, voice full of embarrassment.

Ranma could hardly let things go at that. "Hey, it's me, your old buddy Ranchan. You can talk to me however you like. Heck, you used to do it all the time." He turned to Akane. "Hawkeye's got the biggest vocabulary of cuss words ever. I learned them all from her when we were kids. There was this one time we were in the woods and she had to take a dump and she wiped her butt with poison ivy. You should have heard her swearing when she found out. I still don't know half the things she said. Why I—"

"How dare you embarrass me like that, you jackass!" Ukyou leveled Ranma with a punch to the jaw, flattening the huge youth.

Akane looked at Ukyou in near fright. "Really bad time for you."

Ranma rubbed his jaw and stared in shock at his old friend. "That's a heck of a right you have there."

Ukyou went from standing over him in anger to shock. Then she whined, "Owww," and held her hand. "I think it's broken. And I definitely chipped a nail. You're so bad, Ranchan, making me lose my temper like that. And after I forgave you for all the things you put me through, too." She pouted girlishly at him.

"That was all Pop's fault. He explained it to you," Ranma insisted.

Akane stepped between the two. "You have to cut Ukyou some slack, Ranma. Sometimes a girl feels out of sorts when it's, you know, that time?"

"What time?" Ranma asked.

"Of the month," Akane snarled.

"Oh, you mean cramps." He said it in a very cavalier way, one that made both girls stare ominously at him. Mandarin-like ominous.

"I gotta go to class and get stuff." Ranma hurried off. A superhero knew when to strategically withdraw from a situation. In his opinion, when girls were having a period, they were no different than if they were under some super-villain's mind control. Get one angry at you, and it might as well be the Hulk that wanted your hide. And they were only slightly less destructive than the green goliath. Worse, it happened every month.

Once Ranma was out of sight, Ukyou and Akane released their anger at the perceived slight against their gender.

The two continued on toward the school, Akane moving well despite her leg. As they did so, Akane thought about the conversation with her father. Matching Kasumi and Ranma up would be an ideal solution to everything, but there was an increasing risk of Akane somehow ending up with Ranma the longer the fiancée situation continued. Perhaps it would be best if the playing field were diluted a little more. While Akane was confident in her ability to avoid any marriage to Ranma, her father seemed extremely determined about this. The only other time he had been so adamant was about Nabiki learning the art.

Akane turned to Ukyou. "I never asked you about this, but are you interested in becoming Ranma's fiancée again?"

Ukyou was taken aback. After the surprise passed, she considered it. "No, I don't think so. I had a lot of resentment against Ranchan for a long time, and while I'm glad it turned out he wasn't responsible for abandoning me, I've sort of moved past him." Her eyes took on a distant cast. "I'm thinking more along the lines of someone really big and hunky, and very heroic. One of those guys that always tries to go out of his way and do the right thing for others."

"Sounds a lot like Ranma," Akane suggested.

"Oh no, the two are totally different," Ukyou assured her. "The guy I'm thinking of is so heroic, he'd never think of allowing his father to abandon a girl, or allow himself to be tricked into doing it. Although Ranma is about the same size."

"Sounds like you already have someone picked out," Akane said.

Ukyou blushed. "No, no. I'm just saying that's the ideal guy for me. We'd have a lot in common."

"He'd make okonomiyaki?"

"No, he'd be a super…" Ukyou stopped herself. "Super great guy, the way I'm a super great girl. In a feminine way. He'd be masculine. We should get to class." Ukyou made a point of walking fast enough to force Akane to use all of her resources into keeping up with her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The pair had barely arrived at school and sat in their seats when the school's PA came on. A suave, male voice said in a polite, yet authoritative tone, "All students and teachers are to report to the main auditorium immediately."

Most of the class, including the teachers, looked at one another curiously, but everyone obeyed the order. PAs were the equivalent to the voice of god in a school, and vengeance for disobedience was a lot more certain from the administration than it was from the almighty.

Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou clustered together as they followed the rest of the class toward the auditorium.

"What do you think's going on?" Ukyou directed the question to either one of them.

Ranma shrugged. "Got me." He looked at Akane.

Since Akane was the one who had been at Furinkan longest, she gave her opinion. "Usually they only summon everyone to the auditorium for big events, but I can't think of any that would be around this time of year. Another month and maybe it would be about the sports festival, but now?" She gave the others a blank look.

They let the matter drop. It didn't take long for the class to arrive at the auditorium. It was only half filled when they arrived, though within the next fifteen minutes it was filled to capacity. As everyone milled about, general talk revealed no one knew why there was a meeting, not even the teachers. Speculation ranged from the cafeteria changing from skim milk to whole, to the school being torn down and the students being sent to a dozen other schools.

The crowd began to grow restless when two people finally emerged from backstage. The first was a tall figure dressed in a green skintight outfit. Red and yellow butterfly wings sprouted from the back. The facemask of the figure had compound eyes, and over the nose was a huge, sharp proboscis.

The second figure was considerably smaller than the first, dressed in an orange jumpsuit with red gloves, boots, cowl, and cape. That person wore a belt with several mechanical devices dangling from it. Goggles over the eyes hid the figure's identity, and two slender, artificial-looking antennae sprouted from the cowl.

The winged one was brash in his gait as he walked to the microphone that had been set up on the stage. However, as he went to wield the microphone, his proboscis knocked it over. Cursing, he moved the faceplate of the costume upward, revealing a very handsome male face, bishonen in nature. Several blond locks poked out from underneath the helmet.

The bewildered audience said nothing as he picked up the microphone and tapped it several times, producing uncomfortably loud feedback.

The man said, "Testing, one two. Can everyone hear me?"

A bewildered, "Yes," emanated from the crowd.

"Good. It is my pleasure to inform you that you are now in the hands of the Ouran High School Animal Rights and Host Club. I am the president, whom you may address as the Butterfly. My associate here-- "

At that point his 'associate's' head shook furiously, obviously not wanting to be pointed out.

The Butterfly ignored his companion and performed the introduction. "Is our newest member, the Humbug. Make him feel at home with a round of applause, would you?"

Several people clapped, while Humbug's shoulders slumped in open defeat.

The Butterfly continued. "Now, I must ask forgiveness in being so blunt, but I am afraid circumstances require that all of you are our, I apologize for the brusque term, hostages. You will have to remain so until our demands are met by the Japanese government."

The students stared at the pair in disbelief, uncertain what to make of it. Responses varied from the first vestiges of panic to others dealing with it as a joke.

"What demands are you making?" someone asked.

"Excellent! You show an interest in our cause," the Butterfly said. "We are going to hold you all here until the government of Japan passes several laws regarding the abolishment of the acts of cruelty to animals that pervade this corrupt educational system. First is the elimination of vivisection of animals as part of school curriculums."

A voice said, "Don't you mean dissection? Vivisections are performed on living animals. Dissection is when they're dead."

"Same difference. Being killed so one can be cut open is immoral and wrong, and for all intents and purposes, is the same thing as vivisection," the Butterfly spat.

The students mulled that over. Voices began to speak up.

"I can't say I've ever liked dissecting anything."

"It's gross."

"I could certainly go without cutting open another frog as long as I live."

"I couldn't!" said a student with glazed eyes who looked like he wanted to dissect anyone within arm's reach.

The Butterfly continued. "Also, no more animal mascots. It is offensive and dehumanizing to the noble creatures that are caricaturized in such a fashion."

"Our school's mascot is a pineapple," someone pointed out.

"I wouldn't mind our mascot being 'The Flashers'. It can be an all girls squad."

"Shut up, Daisuke."

The Butterfly cleared his throat. "And no more meat or meat byproducts, such as eggs or milk, are to be served at school lunches."

"All right, no more caramelized fish!"

"Yay! No more mystery meat!"

"No more burned tofu."

"Tofu isn't a meat."

"Crap! Well, I think it should be added to the list anyway."

"What will be served instead?" someone asked.

"Meat alternatives, such as soybean products, wheat gluten, rice burgers, and tofu!"

"Oh god, not more tofu!"

"I've had rice burgers and they taste like crap!"

"What, every day?"

Discussions broke out amongst the students. Eventually one voice shouted, "We're okay on the dissections and animal mascot thing, but we have to refuse on the cafeteria menu changes. Maybe once a week—"

"Alternating Thursdays."

"Once every other week on that, but nothing else."

The Butterfly stared murderously at the crowd. "This is not a negotiation, this is an ultimatum! Do not doubt our will. We are desperate people, caught in desperate times that call for desperate measures. Going through legal channels will result in the deaths of many innocent animals. That is unacceptable. A moratorium must be put in place right now, and this is the only way for it to happen. We of the Ouran Animal Rights and Host Club are the ones to do it. If we are not obeyed, something… bad will happen to all of you."

"How can you be a club if there are only two of you?" someone in the audience asked.

"Ah, now that is a segue if ever I heard one. Gentlemen, introduce yourselves!" the Butterfly said, directing his comment to the ceiling.

In response a quartet of gaudily dressed figures leapt down from the rafters. One was dressed in an orange suit with red flame coloring the majority of it. Like the Butterfly, compound eyes adorned the front, but unlike him, the facemask appeared fixed into place. He landed in front of a set of exit doors. "I am the Firefly." He produced a small amount of fire in the palm of his glove.

A second figure was dressed in a green frog outfit. He landed adroitly, then bounced on springs on the heels of the webbed boots, leaping amongst the crowd without landing on anyone. Eventually his bouncing ended up next to another set of doors, which he stationed himself next to. "And I am the Fabulous Frog Man."

"Weren't you defeated by Daredevil?" someone shouted.

"No, that was an inept bumbler who referred to himself as the Leap Frog."

"Didn't he wear a frog costume just like that? And wasn't his ability jumping around on springs in his feet, just like you?"

"Yes, but I am very different from him."

"In what way?"

He opened the frog mouth of his outfit and pulled the headpiece back, revealing his face. "I'm far more handsome than he was."

The girls within sight of him agreed vocally.

The next ones jumped down as a pair, indistinguishable from one another in outfits which were obviously meant to resemble chickens, save for a lack of feathers. Their headpieces had red flaps, an obvious imitation of a rooster's comb. The fronts of the cowls were shaped like beaks, though their faces could still be clearly seen, showing that the people wearing the outfits were as identical as their costumes.

Ranma slapped his hand to his face as he saw the pair land. "Oh god."

"What is it?" Akane asked.

"I can't believe it. One idiot dressed like a deranged chicken was bad enough. But now there are two of them."

"What do you mean?"

Ranma flinched. "I… ah, saw that guy on the news. Well, one of them. He calls himself the Gamecock. Captain Japan kicked his ass with one blow. Only how the heck did he get out of prison?"

The one on the left, who was in earshot of Ranma's comment, revealed himself as the Gamecock,. "My brother," he pointed to the figure at his side, "the Battling Bantam, broke me out."

Firefly said, "Actually I burned a hole in the wall to his cell and Frog Man bounced out of there with him."

Butterfly looked around curiously. "Where is our seventh member?"

A high-pitched voice in back shouted, "Coming. Using the restroom takes time in this outfit. When we get back, Renge has got to design these things with a zipper for using the facilities." From out of the back of the stage appeared a youth, much younger than the others. He looked like he was about in sixth grade. He was dressed in a full body bear outfit with his cherubic face poking out of the mouth of it.

He leapt off the stage and in front of a group of girls. He posed before them with open arms and said, "I am the Grizzly, the most ferocious member of the Ouran High School Animal Rights and Host Club. Fear me. Grrr."

The girls looked down on him in wide-eyed wonder. One of them finally shouted, "Oh god, he's so adorable!"

"I've never seen anything so cute in my life!

"He looks just like a giant teddy bear!"

"I have to hold him!"

And with that the Grizzly found himself picked up and unceremoniously cuddled by numerous girls, who passed him around like a stuffed animal.

The Grizzly struggled in their grips, but found himself hopelessly overpowered by their sheer numbers. "No, stop! I'm a fierce champion of animal rights, not a plaything!"

The girls persisted. "There's nothing fierce about you. Now let me hug you."

Grizzly began bawling at the top of his lungs. "Tamaki, save me!"

The Butterfly responded with, "Good work, Honey, keep them mollified and entertained. Just because you're a defender of animalkind doesn't mean you should be neglecting your duties as a host."

"But I'm not a giant teddy bear!" Grizzly wailed.

Humbug tugged on one of the Butterfly's wings. "Tamaki?"

"Yes, my sweet Haruhi?" The smile was saccharine sweet enough to send a diabetic into shock.

Humbug looked nervously at the crowd. "First, please don't use my real name. I don't want anyone to know who I really am."

"One day our names shall be shouted triumphantly as the first to usher in an era of equality for all of god's creatures, just as the leader has proclaimed!" He got to work on that prophecy by shouting it out as triumphantly as he could.

Humbug sighed. "And secondly, I want to go home. I shouldn't be here. Not only am I not a super-villain—"

"We are not super-villains. We are super-heroes."

"Super-heroes don't go around holding schools of students hostage," Humbug pointed out.

"We are heroes who go about helping society through unconventional means. The history books will show that," the Butterfly elucidated.

"And I'm not an actual member of your club."

The Butterfly's mood darkened. "I see. And do you have the eight million yen to pay for that vase of ours you broke?"

Humbug's shoulder's slumped in defeat. "No."

The darkness disappeared, and the Butterfly's mood changed to pure effervescence. "Then you'll serve as a member of the club until you work off your debt, and that means helping us out in our noble goal."

Humbug said, "Look, when I agreed to help the club to work off my debt, I didn't mind the whole 'host' thing. I actually like making small talk with girls. I didn't even mind the animal rights thing since I'm against animal testing. But I did not agree to dress up in a ridiculous animal costume and threaten people. What the heck is a humbug anyway?"

The Butterfly tilted Humbug's chin upward and he flashed a dazzling smile. "Only the most beautiful creature in the world, my dear Haruhi."

Humbug remained unmoved, though the same couldn't be said for the majority of girls within earshot who voiced their approval regarding bishonen relationships. Guys within earshot made retching noises.

Toward the center of the milling crowds, the mood was less certain. While there was a certain air of charm about the villainous group, some people were unimpressed by it. Nabiki soon found herself at the center of a cluster of people.

One guy said, "Hey, Tendou, we're paying you a lot of money for protection from these kinds of things."

"Yeah, so protect us," said another girl.

Nabiki scowled. "Sometimes you protect people best by not doing anything."

"But this isn't one of those occasions," someone insisted.

That opinion was shared by the crowd.

Ticked off at not being able to talk her way out of things, Nabiki identified the majority of complainers as people that were indeed paying her protection money (and those that weren't would soon be, since their demands could be interpreted as a solicitation). While she could deal with the neighborhood bully in her sleep, messing with super-villains was something she could live without. Fighting the weirdo mask gang had been enough for her. Next time she drew up a contract for protection services, she was putting in a no super-villain clause. In the meantime, loathe though she was to admit it, honor demanded she live up to her end of the bargains, since refunds were never an option. But she would be very careful in choosing her shots, like when winning was a sure thing. At least most of these so-called animal rights jokers seemed pretty pitiful. Maybe she could take them out.

Slightly toward Nabiki's left. Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou looked around in concern.

Ranma mentally gauged the group. He knew the abilities of the Gamecock and thought it was safe to assume his twin was identical: above average athlete. The Frog Man wouldn't be a problem either if this one had the same abilities as the guy Daredevil fought. Any loser stupid enough to copy one of DD's pathetic rogue's gallery was probably more of a threat to himself than anyone else. The Grizzly might have been worse off than the oversized chickens in his choice of costume.

On the other hand, Firefly looked like he could be dangerous since he seemed to be able to generate flame, especially since Ranma didn't have his shield to protect anyone from stray fire. Butterfly and Humbug were unknowns, though Humbug seemed like he didn't want to be here. In any case Ranma didn't have the vaguest idea of what their abilities were. And if Butterfly was the leader, he might even be the most powerful. Unknowns were hard to deal with. He'd have to wait until he had more information, he was forced into action, or an opportunity presented itself.

While Ranma assessed the situation, Akane had only one thought on her mind: finding some way to get enough privacy to change into Thor. Ten seconds would be all she needed to take care of the lot of them. Unlike the Enchantress and Executioner's attack on the school, these goofballs didn't look the least bit dangerous. The Wasp could probably take them out in about five seconds.

Well, there was a way she could probably get her privacy, but it would mean emphasizing her limp. No one was afraid of a little crippled girl, after all. She hated the idea of playing up her handicap, but she had little choice if it meant rescuing everyone.

"I'm going to see if they'll let me use the restroom," Akane told Ranma and Ukyou.

"Yeah, you do that," Ranma said distractedly, still trying to come up with a plan.

Ukyou was lost in thought as well, staring at Firefly. "I might go after you."

Akane was relieved neither of them volunteered to follow. It would have made things difficult. Since the first part of the plan worked, she felt certain the rest would as well. She headed for the nearest set of doors, ones that were guarded by the amphibious member of the group. Akane limped much more than she usually did, hoping he would lower his guard. "Excuse me, Mr. Leap Frog," she said meekly.

"That's 'Fabulous Frog Man'," he politely corrected.

"Right, Mr. Fabulous Frog Man." She didn't know which was more frightening: that she said it with a straight face or that he could. "I really need to go the lavatory." She squirmed a little.

Frog Man was quite gallant, despite his ridiculous outfit. He said, "Of course. We can hardly hold a room full of hundreds of people captive and not offer them lavatory breaks. Here you go. Put this on." He held out a collar with an oddly-shaped box from some hidden recess in his costume.

Akane looked at the proffered item. "What's that?

"Think of it as a hall pass."

"But what is it?" Akane insisted.

"An explosive collar," Frog Man explained. "We don't have the manpower to escort each person to the restroom, so we use the honor system by attaching these around your neck."

"How is using explosives part of an honor system?" Akane snapped.

"We find people are far more honorable with an explosive device around their neck."

That was a fairly inarguable point.

"Don't worry, as long as you don't leave for more than fifteen minutes, or go more than fifty meters from my control unit, you'll be fine." Frog Man scratched his head. "Or was that fifty minutes and fifteen meters?"

"Nevermind," Akane said. She couldn't chance changing into Thor with an explosive around her neck. The change might trigger it somehow, and she wasn't the Hulk. She might have a godly form, but it couldn't function if she was headless. She instinctively knew that.

While Akane fretted with Frog Man, Ukyou had come up with a plan of her own. There was a gym equipment room that had a door connected to the auditorium. She knew the archery club kept several sets of bows and arrows there. If she could slip into it and grab one, she could put down most of these guys before they knew what hit them. It would probably mean blowing her identity, but there was no way she was risking these idiots hurting anyone just to protect her secret. It would make her life hell if her identity became public, but those were the breaks.

But first, a little information gathering. She walked up to Firefly who appeared to be trying to read a book, and failing miserably.

"Damn compound eyes. The next time I use clear lenses, even if it isn't realistic," he grumbled to himself. He noticed Ukyou approach and closed up the book. "Do you need to use the bathroom?" He went for a collar.

Ukyou turned on her girlish charm, making herself sound somewhat vacuous. "No, I just wanted to compliment you on your costume. It's by far the best out of all of you people."

Firefly bowed. "Why thank you. And might I compliment you on your choice of make-up and hair ribbon. Many girls would have problems with going from merely being cute to overwhelming, but you manage to balance it out in tasteful fashion quite nicely."

"Thank you," Ukyou said sweetly. She could believe these guys were a Host Club. They knew how to turn on the charm without seeming like they were hitting on you. "Are you a mutant?"

"No, I'm not. Not that there's anything wrong with being a mutant," he said neither too quickly nor lacking in any sincerity.

"So your powers are artificial? I'm surprised. I can't see where your fire throwing equipment is."

"Micro-circuitry woven into the fabric, directed out through the gloves. I can explain it in detail if you'd like."

"Ah, no thank you," Ukyou said. She then made a show of looking over her shoulder and feigning concern. "Oh dear, I think one of my friends is about to panic. I'll go calm her down. Once I do, we can talk some more."

"I understand. You go comfort your friend in her time of need," Firefly told her.

Ukyo smiled sweetly and walked toward an acquaintance of hers near the door to the storage room to strike up a conversation as a cover. She'd have to get started fast before something happened to trigger a fight.

Having to move surreptitiously, Ukyou had only made it halfway to the gym room when all hell broke loose in the form of a plaintive cry.

"Why can't I find any panties?!"

All eyes turned to the diminutive form in the center of the auditorium, which had appeared as though by magic.

"Oh crap, it's him!" Ranma groaned.

Happosai scowled at everyone in the auditorium. "Here I was, on a mission of liberation of my precious little darlings from the girls' locker room, when I discovered there were no little darlings to rescue since no one was having gym. It's an outrage. How can I grab some delightful undies if girls are wearing them?"

The members of the Ouran Animal Rights and Host Club stared at him in shock. Being the leader, the Butterfly took control of the situation. "Excuse me, but we're busy conducting a ransom. Could you please move along, you little, whatever you are?"

"Panty thief," Nabiki said acidly.

"That's no way to talk to your elder!" Happosai shouted, then gained a lascivious leer. "But I know a way you can make it up to me, Nabiki, my sweet." He leapt for her.

Nabiki tried to punch him, but Happosai darted out of midair, hit the ground, jumped back up and attached himself to her breasts. He instantly began snuggling them, much to Nabiki's outrage.

Nabiki wasn't the only one, either. The Butterfly shouted, "See here, you repugnant troll, no one should be grasped in such a manner, at least not without encouragement, and she is not encouraging you. Unhand her at once, or else taste the full fury of the Ouran High School Animal Rights and Host Club!" He posed dramatically.

"He's not listening," Humbug said quietly, observing Happosai's efforts to burrow himself into Nabiki's cleavage.

"Hands off the merchandise!" Nabiki shouted, finally getting enough leverage to swat the little pervert off her bosom. The blow sent him flying in the direction of Frog Man.

Happosai rebounded to his feet. He sniffled. "You're a terrible person, hitting an old man like that. Since I'm your master, you should show be some respect."

"I'll do it at your grave, after I put you in it!" She ran at him full force.

Happosai leapt away from Nabiki's attack, springboarding into the top of Frog Man's head. "Can't get me," the old man taunted.

"You're dead!" Nabiki unleashed a full force punch. Happosai jumped out of the way, but the blow landed dead center of Frog Man's face, stunning him.

"I'll get you, you old fart!" Nabiki's kick landed in the Frog Man's gut, making him bellow even through his padding and falling to the ground so he landed on his stomach.

Happosai leapt away, but Nabiki landed a second kick into the Frog Man's back, shattering the equipment that powered his springs. "Come back here, you little shit!"

It took a second for Nabiki's action to register amongst the members of the Ouran Club. The Butterfly shouted, "Hey, she's not attacking that little freak. She's taking out Mori. Get her!"

Gamecock started moving through the crowd. "One side."

"Out of the way," Battling Bantam said, moving alongside his twin.

The two had almost made it to Nabiki when Gamecock felt someone grab him by the back of the cowl and spin him around. "What?"

That was all the offense he got as Ranma punched him square in the chin, knocking him out. "Still got a glass jaw, I see."

"You bastard. You KO'd my brother!" The Battling Bantam began living up to his namesake, flashing off impressive boxing skills as he began throwing punches at Ranma.

The larger youth evaded or deflected all of the blows, eventually landing a punch of his own that connected with the Bantam's face, knocking him out as well.

"Looks like glass jaws can be hereditary." Ranma smirked.

A large pillar of flame burst up, nearly reaching the ceiling. An angry Firefly shouted, "You're going to get it now for attacking the others and standing in the way of our cause." He raised his hands, pointing one at Nabiki and the other at Ranma.

Nabiki was quick to pick up Frog Man and hold him in front of her as a shield, but Ranma froze. Dodging just meant the flame burst would hit someone else in the crowd, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to use either of the morons he knocked out as shields. It was wrong. The smell of burning chicken would haunt him for the rest of his life. There had to be some other way.

An aura of flame surrounded both of Firefly's hands. Just as they became white hot, two wooden shafts seemed to emerge from the villain's wrists. The flames died off as Firefly cried out, "My hands! My hands!"

All eyes turned to see the archer.

Jessie Gurtland lowered her bow.

Ukyou didn't know whether to feel relief at her identity being intact or jealousy over her unspoken rival showing her up.

Toward the front of the crowd, the Grizzly shouted, "I've got to help my friends!"

He tried to lurch forward, but was held back by a horde of teenage girls shouting at him to not do it and stay out of harm's way. Unfortunately for the Grizzly, the exo-skeleton he wore only enhanced existing strength, and since he had so little to begin with, he was easily overpowered by the determination of Furinkan's female populace. All he could do was cry at the indignity of it all.

The Butterfly looked on in horror at how his fellow club members had been decimated. There appeared to be little choice. He had wired explosives through the auditorium in case his demands were not met. It was time to fly off with Haruhi and live up to his end of the threat. He didn't like blowing up people, especially his friends, but no one would take the cause seriously if they didn't follow up on their promises, just like the leader said.

The Butterfly turned to Humbug. "Hop on and we'll get out of here."

"Hop on? Sounds like a great idea."

Unfortunately for the Butterfly, the comment had not come from Humbug, but rather from Happosai, who had perceived it as an invitation to attach himself to Humbug's backside.

Happosai rubbed his face against it. "Not bad, toots. While you don't have much in the way of tits, you sure do have a great bottom."

"Unhand my Haruhi!" The Butterfly raged.

"For a change, I'm inclined to agree with Tamaki," Humbug said in a pained voice,
"except for the 'my' part"

"But she feels so good," Happosai cooed.

The Butterfly lowered his faceplate and its sharpened proboscis. "You idiot! He's a guy, not a girl."

"Oh no, I'm a girl," Humbug said calmly.

The Butterfly froze up. "What? But it can't be."

"I know my girls. I could smell her femininity from a mile away," Happosai assured him.

"But you dress like a man."

"Actually I dress androgynously. I don't really care what I wear."

"But I've referred to you as a man since the first day we met," the Butterfly said.

"I felt it would be rude to correct you." Humbug shrugged.

The Butterfly began shaking in fury. "You… little… tease! You're just like every woman out there. Trying to take advantage of men."

"Like this?" a female voice said behind him.

The Butterfly turned around just in time to receive a kick to the groin. He wore a cup, which was dented quite deeply. Kicks that could shatter bricks did things like that.

"Yes, exactly like that," the Butterfly squeaked, as Nabiki grabbed him by the proboscis and drove his head into the floor with it.

Weakly, the Butterfly said, "Haruhi, I need help."

"You sure do." She pulled one of the metal cylinders from her belt, aimed at the Butterfly, and pulled the trigger. The sound of insects, amplified a thousand-fold and funneled into a tight sonic beam, knocked Tamaki unconscious.

Haruhi then turned the weapon on Happosai and fired, knocking him senseless as well.

By that time Ranma had made it up to the stage. He would have done it sooner, but it appeared Nabiki had matters well in hand, and there was no sense in risking his secret identity any more than he needed to.

"I take it you're not really with them?" Ranma asked Humbug.

"I was being blackmailed into it," Humbug confirmed. "I tried getting them to stop, but they were…."

"Moronic?" Ranma asked.

"I was thinking more along the lines of 'determined'. In hindsight, moronic might be more appropriate." She shook her head sadly. "I'll be happy to tell the authorities everything I know about the situation, as well as who was giving them orders."

"Oh?" Ranma asked, ignoring the sounds of Nabiki continuing to beat on the Butterfly, complaining about having to make her work for her protection services.

"It was some guy with an animal rights group called the ALF. He's put out a call for all groups with similar ideology to take a more militant stance for animal rights, especially people with super powers."

"Or idiots with them," Ranma added as Nabiki ripped off the Butterfly's wings and held them up as a war trophy.

Humbug continued. "Somehow he found out about the outfits Tamaki had, and contacted him personally. Tamaki invited me along for the meeting. It was some guy called the Man Beast, if you can believe that. He even dresses himself up to look like a wolf man. Pretty convincing costume though. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was a real animal."

"I see," Ranma said. Current buffoons aside, that sounded like a potential problem. This was a matter he was going to have to look into as an Avenger.

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End Chapter