This Tale contains spoilers from the entire saga. Do not read unless the entire three part saga has been read first. This Tale takes place in a hypothetical Part 2/3 chapter.
Warning, this Tale contains the following: Gambling, cussing, sexual themes.
This piece is not canon to the saga.
Lastly, this Seppuku Tale is dedicated to Revival Day and the many friends to have come about as a result of F-Zero: Seppuku.
== Revival Day 2016 =
Chiya exited her bedroom full of life. The smile on her face was legendary as always, and her enthusiasm ever so powerful. With the door left open, Mauser walked out with her and ultimately took leave for the lobby. The Mysterian went the opposite direction, toward Seppuku's office.
"Let's go see some F-Book statuses!" she announced to herself.
With this simple objective in mind, Chiya pranced forward with the aim of once again trespassing on Seppuku's much beloved computer unit. The Man of Darkness always disapproved, and this occasion was no exception. Fortunately for said man, Chiya's plan had been stopped, for Earl walked out of the kitchen straight in front of her.
At first her expression was missing, but then joy resumed upon meeting Earl's gaze. "Good day, Earl."
The Korean drank from a can of beer, then turned to face her with an acknowledging grin. It was there, upon facing her, where Chiya widened her eyes in shock. Following this, the woman couldn't help but cover her mouth in a humored giggle.
"Oh…" she muttered. "Earl, you're looking good today…" With an innocent wink, Chiya rubbed a finger above her lip. "What's this about, if I may inquire…"
Earl felt under his nose, then moved the hand aside—revealing a moderately-trimmed mustache. Knowing this to be the feature of interest to her, the Korean chuckled back before crossing his arms.
"It's a mustache."
Chiya closed her eyes with a very slow nod, "Yes… Earl… I know it's a mustache."
"You like it?"
"Um—m… y- yeah!" Chiya turned her gaze aside and swallowed. "Out of curiosity though…" Her gaze again struck him like a bullet. "When do you think you'll be shaving?"
Earl, half offended, shrugged, "I just grew the damn thing! Don't knock it off the table too quickly!"
"I'm not, I'm not…" With puckered lips, she began to kick her foot in a gentle rhythm. "Um, but this does leave me wondering… why?"
With a passionate arm around her waist, Earl began to lead Chiya toward the lobby. All the while, Chiya stared at the sudden mustache, curiosity hitting her over its existence. The man made nothing more of her negative attention to it, instead looking upon the positives.
"Chiya, Chiya, Chiya—a… The real question is; why didn't I have a mustache before?"
"…because having a bare lip made you look less like Luigi…" she muttered.
Earl chuckled, "Chiya, all great mechanics have mustaches."
Chiya lowered an eyebrow and challenged, "Like who?"
"Like…" Several seconds passed, and eventually, Earl stopped inside of the lobby with her. "Hey, come on. Give the mustache a chance."
Finally, Chiya narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion. "Wait, how did you grow a mustache like that so quickly? I know for a fact you had smooth lips the last I saw you… which was yesterday."
Another moment of silence passed as Earl raised a brow at Chiya, then came a sly smirk. He turned his back on her and chuckled.
"The real question is… what were you doing staring at my lips yesterday?"
Chiya stood tall with an embarrassed smile. "H- Hey, Earl. Want to go to the mall with me?"
Earl faced her again, then raised a brow, "Oh? The mall?"
"Yeah! Let's go buy me things!" she joked.
"Woah, woah, woah. Hold on, Chiya. Any particular reason you want to hit up the mall?"
The Mysterian blinked a few times, then uncorked an even bigger smile, one that was almost suggestive. Earl could only wonder what this meant in terms of the mall.
The crowd clapped, colorful lights flashed before a stage, cameramen were on standby, and the show's guest—Mr. Party—waved to the audience. Fitted very similarly to F-Zero TV's Mr. Zero, Mr. Party wore a purple suit, rather than a green one. In addition to this, his hair was blue, and a gold star belt buckle was situated on his person.
"Hey, hey, everybody!" he cheered to the camera. "It's your host, Mr. Party! Bringing you Halftime Party Time!"
He brought his hands together as sports fans and invited guests alike cheered. Mr. Party remained silent throughout the wave of cheers. After a wave to the crowd, the man walked back toward a comfortable blue chair. There he stood, not yet sitting.
"What a great sporting event this has been. I couldn't contain my excitement when the sporting team got points on the other sporting team. We'll have more to come on that exciting event within the hour. But for now, it's time, for Halftime Party Time Games, sponsored by Ontix Beverages!"
The main feature of the television program featured a beer advertisement banner, then afterwards, returned to Mr. Party. The man put one hand behind his back and pointed forward with the other.
"And for today's contestant, F-Zero's very own, Lieutenant L.T. Seppuku!"
Music began to play, lights flashed, and streamers flew in the air as the Man of Darkness made his debut. He waved to the audience, drank what remained of his beer, and then approached Mr. Party after crushing the can. There the two men shook hands and sat down. Seppuku fell into a comfortable pink chair, while Mr. Party collapsed into the blue one. Both men waited for the music to stop before continuing.
"Seppuku, thanks for coming!"
Seppuku shrugged, "Thanks for having me."
As the crowd settled, as did the music, Mr. Party leaned forward and asked, "Now, Seppuku. Before we play the game, I feel the need to ask; how are you?"
"Ugh… well, I recently started to write a book."
"Oh? How's that?"
"It was going fine, but then Flower closed the d*** document before I could save!" Disgruntled, he struck his fist down. "She had no right being on my computer! At any rate, all is lost and I've scrapped the book."
Mr. Party nodded, "Interesting. What was the book about?"
Seconds passed with Seppuku sitting silently. Soon, he waved his hand in the air. "Next question."
"Interesting that you of all people found the winning beer can that got you here on the show." Seppuku nodded in agreement. "Of the billion or so cans produced, only one had the winning message printed on it."
Seppuku scratched his chin and nodded, "In that case, there was at least a two percent chance I'd end up with the winning can."
The room erupted with laughter from the crowd, including Mr. Party. Only Seppuku remained silent and with a confused face. After silencing his own laughter, Mr. Party rubbed his hands together and continued the show.
"Alright, alright. One last question."
"Yeah?"
Mr. Party winked, "So, last year, Jody Summer beat you in the Grand Prix-"
Seppuku stood up and tossed his chair aside, "Enough! I'm here to play some damn games and win some neat prizes!"
With a very energetic voice, Mr. Party shouted, "And you ma—ay!"
Music again began to play as the stage transformed. Walls flipped, lights changed colors, and objects appeared all across the room. Seppuku spun around just in time, as a wall containing six doors—each of different color—appeared before him.
"Lieu—utenant Seppuku—u! Are you ready!?"
"Hell yeah, I'm ready."
"Okay! Behind one of these doors… a prize plus one hundred thousand credits! Behind another… a 'You Lose!' card!"
Seppuku scratched his chin while looking over the six doors, "Hm… I best avoid the 'You Lose!' card…"
"Go ahead and pick a door!"
The Man of Darkness gave thought to this. Ultimately, he stared at the purple door with an accepting face. With a quick dash, the man performed a powerful kick—blowing the purple door to wooden shards. The crowd gasped in response, as did Mr. Party.
"Seppuku! I- I said pick a door…"
"Pick? O—oh! Pick!" He chuckled. "I thought you said kick."
Mr. Party approached him and sighed, "I said pick. Unfortunately, the door did not contain the prize; it also didn't have the 'You Lose!' card." Then with an optimistic smirk, he leaned against Seppuku's shoulder. "The good news is… you get to move onto a second round after this commercial break!"
Like that, music began to again play along with raining confetti. The crowd cheered as the program prepared to switch over to commercials.
"Aw, hell yeah! I'm going to the second round!" the man bragged.
Meanwhile, in deep unexplored space, the Emperor of Brutality—Black Shadow—watched Seppuku's progress from his throne. The Dark Million emperor watched Seppuku brag in glory from the many television screens that surrounded him.
"Good… good… enjoy your success, Red Dove…" His grin became more devilish. "Because it's only a matter of time before you fail… just as you will in your war against me! Ha, ha, ha!" Upon finishing his sentence, the man felt around his stomach and released a whistle. "I could go for some popcorn."
He stood up with a hungry stomach, something a bowl of popcorn would remedy. It was with this in mind that he took a step toward the fleet of stairs making up his throne. His second step had the emperor clumsily stepping over his own cape, which resulted in him tripping.
"Gah!"
The Emperor of Brutality stumbled, lost balance, and then came crashing down. He landed half way down the fleet of stairs and hit his chin in the process. He was quick in standing back up, but had to take a few moments to configure his misplaced jaw.
"Th- This big cape almost had me killed!" He barred his teeth and growled. "I should consider shortening it…"
Taking a step down the stairs revealed another issue—one of the steps pushed through its foundation, demonstrating its lack of secure build. The emperor's left foot fell under the fleet of stairs, and again, he was brought down to his knees.
"What the- Who designed these stairs!?" Out of frustration, he lowered his head down—his discovery left him gasping. "Th- This side of the step isn't bolted into the frame!? Who made that mistake!?"
Soon, Black Shadow found his way to the elevator. It was here that he ordered for a lift and ultimately began to examine his leg. His eye twitched upon spotting a fresh tear in his legging, caused by the unbolted step in his throne.
"Idiots. Dumbass construction bots owe me a new pair of latex pants…"
He stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive. Almost a minute passed with no sign of it. With his eyes still quivering in rage, the emperor again pressed for the elevator to come. Next he looked up, but found that the lights showed the elevator still on Floor 1—not moving.
"Come on, what's the hold up? I- Is it even moving!?" He bloated his cheeks and exhaled. "It's not moving. I don't believe this. The elevator isn't-"
He kicked his foot against the door, which in turn caused him to grunt and hop with a foot in his grasp. Dark Million-produced metal was not as kick friendly as, say, the door to Seppuku's office.
"For crying out loud, I'm just trying to get some damn food!"
Soon after this, Black Shadow traversed over to the emergency stairway. He opened the door and entered, but found himself face palming seconds after. The stairway was crowded with Dark Million robots for reasons he could not comprehend.
"Out of the way," he told one. "Move it," he told another.
The emperor pushed his way down the first few steps, then grunted upon finding a barricade blocking the way. There was a Death Soldier enforcing the blockage, to the dismay of other worker bots. Black Shadow himself made his discontent made known.
"What is the meaning of this, robot?"
The Death Soldier saluted its master, "These stairs are missing bolts, and are thus impassable."
Black Shadow dropped his arms down in awe, "…who's been stealing stairway bolts? Who does that?"
A response from the Death Soldier came, "My recommendation is that you use the elevator, Master."
Without a verbal response, Black Shadow pulled out a revolver and blasted the Death Soldier in the forehead.
"This is Chief Commander Jody Summer speaking."
The White Cat raced down the streets of the Upper City along with several police cruisers. Dr. Stewart and Jack Levin were two others traveling alongside her. Ahead of them, the Death Anchor—F-Zero machine of Zoda.
Jody continued, "We have a speeding F-Zero racer, likely on drugs. Prepare to block off all major exit routes in Mute City to aid in his capturing."
Jack spoke into his machine's communication device, "Jody, it's Zoda. He's not on drugs, he's just crazy."
"True."
Zoda and the pursuing police officers ravaged the central intersection of the Upper City, the offending racer showed no caution for civilian life. Jody narrowed her eyes at the many risks Zoda was taking; it was of no surprise to her that the man would choose to endanger the innocent in such a situation.
"Now I can slap attempted manslaughter on his ass!" Jody bragged.
Dr. Stewart entered into the voice channel, "Uh, Jody..?"
Before Jody could answer him, she looked over to her mirror. Coming up from the side was a blue F-Zero machine—the most iconic machine to bear the color blue. It was Captain Falcon and the Blue Falcon.
Hacking into the voice channel, Falcon rang, "May I join?"
Jody grimaced, "I'll give you a medal if you Falcon Punch Zoda's face in." Following this, Jody turned on the megaphone of her machine—the same kind every police cruiser came with. "Zoda! Surrender yourself, now!"
The purple human looked back at the many cops giving him chase—including the intervened Captain Falcon. Despite the threat they imposed, Zoda released a devilish chuckle.
"They think they've won, they think they've beaten me!" He placed a finger over a red button. "How about a free oil change! Ha, ha!"
Suddenly, from the rear of the Death Anchor, a massive screen of oil had been spilt—and a flame lit. Like that, a massive wall of fire engulfed the street, separating the police from Zoda. The man chuckled with glee as he looked back.
"Try and get past that, Falcon and Jody!" Literally every single one of his pursuers drove through the wall of fire as though it were nothing. This led the man to lower his brows with a frozen grin. "Eh?"
Jody again spoke into the megaphone, "Zoda, we're driving heavily-armored machines and cruisers built to withstand lava!"
Zoda closed his eyes and smirked, "An unprecedented miscalculation on my part…"
Back in Black Shadow's ship, the one known as Rose Flower—or Dark Rose—hummed the tune of Big Blue as she scrubbed herself down in the shower. Her hair was as shiny as oil and body as fresh smelling as a cherry blossom.
With a black stocking being brought up to her knee, her beanie hat fitted tight, and a skull belt buckle creating an intimidating character; Rose smirked at the mirror. She spent several moments striking various poses, all the while smiling, grinning, smirking—anything that revealed her glistening teeth.
"Chin up, Rose. It's only a matter of time before Excalibur recognizes your beauty… kisses you, and then-" She covered her mouth and smiled. "One step at a time, I suppose."
The witch proceeded down several halls as she started her day. Her destination—the gym. As Dark Million followed a strict policy on daily physical activity, even Rose was expected to lift. While greatly disliked by Rose, she could at least take pride in knowing that she was the stronger version of Chiya Flower.
She walked through the gym's door, where the sound of grunting echoed. Within the gym sat Blood Falcon and Brock Blaskovitz—both men were lifting dumbbells. Rose's presence in the gym led both men to look up.
"Good morning," she greeted.
Brock narrowed his one eye, "You showered before exercise? Are you daft?"
"Shut up," she took a 10-pound dumbbell into her grasp. "I don't sweat at all while exercising."
Blood Falcon grinned, "That's because you refuse to work with heavier weights. Heaven forbid you sweat and scare off Excalibur."
Rose jolted her character up, then narrowed her eyes. Brock joined in on the insult, "Oh please, Falcon. Excalibur wouldn't run from Rose. You and I both know that the man comes here to drive down her Port Town on a regular basis."
"I'll have you know, Excalibur and I have done no such thing…" She then crossed her arms with obsessive eyes. "…yet…" she growled silently to herself.
A few moments passed with the three lifting dumbbells. Rose did so while standing; both Brock and Blood Falcon did so while sitting. All was peaceful between the trio, up until Brock caught sight of Blood Falcon's selected weight. The Russian smirked before chuckling.
Responding to the chuckle, Blood Falcon turned to Brock, "What's so funny?"
Continuing to grin, Brock explained, "Oh, it's nothing. I assure you." Despite making this claim, both Rose and Blood Falcon remained skeptical. "I couldn't help but notice that you're only lifting sixty pounds."
Blood Falcon grunted and Rose puckered her lips with excitement.
The witch raised a hand up, "Oo—oh!"
The Falcon clone hissed, "Shut up, Rose!" Then he turned to Brock. "What's with the hostility, pal?"
Brock shrugged while continuing to lift, "I am just saying, a modest weight of seventy pounds is more commendable. But… it's okay. I am the 'Muscle of Dark Million' for this reason."
Out of pure rage, Blood Falcon chucked his dumbbell across the room, then jumped up. "You? You!? Ha!" He crossed his arms, denying Brock's claim of superiority. "You think you're stronger than me? Than me?"
"Err... well, I don't think so, no…" Blood Falcon smirked at Brock, approving of this answer. "I know I am. To argue otherwise is objectively wrong."
Rose dropped her dumbbell and clapped her hands, "Oo—oh! I smell a competition!"
Blood Falcon stomped his foot down, "The scent you speak of, Rose, is none other than Blaskovitz's baby sweat!"
Brock argued, "It is man sweat, and each drop of sweat comes with a six pack of its own."
"I highly doubt that…" Falcon retorted.
"It is a saying."
The villainous debate was silenced by a loud clap, instigated by Rose. The woman then rubbed her hands together while looking back and forth between the two.
"Guys, this can be settled through simple means. Come on…" She smirked with a dipped head. "Fight to the death. Last one standing is the best."
Blood Falcon shook off this idea, "Great idea, idiot. Then Black Shadow could execute the champion for treason. We'd both come out of it dead."
"I mean, yeah, that's the plan," she admitted.
Rather than duke it out to the death, the three reached a much simpler—and more logical—compromise. A competition of muscle and endurance, starting with the simple lifting of dumbbells. Brock and Blood Falcon sat beside each other, each with a 100-pound dumbbell.
"Alright!" Rose cheered. "I want a clean fight! No cussing-"
Brock interrupted, "No."
"No name calling-"
Blood Falcon interrupted, "No."
Rose closed her eyes with a desperate smile, "Okay… well, can we at least lay off the Rose insults?"
"No," both men answered.
Rose growled, "…I dream of slashing your throats open…"
Brock raised a brow, "What was that?"
"I dream of slashing Seppuku's throat open!"
Blood Falcon gave a respecting thumbs-up. "Let's get this competition rolling."
The clone jumped away from the two and shot both arms up into the air, "Okay! Um… go!"
The competition started as both men began to curl the very heavy dumbbells. Both performed their lifts at superhuman speed, Rose's job was simply to watch for cheating and ultimately to play witness to the champion. Both Blood Falcon and Brock shared aggressive gazes while lifting, refusing to keep away from the other. Neither man seemed too weak for this task.
Of the three, Rose was left floored in amazement by this. Both men were lifting fast enough that a breeze came about. This was a true demonstration of Dark Million superior strength.
Blood Falcon grimaced at Brock, "Had enough?"
"Not enough."
"Oh, okay! Rose!" Rose bobbed her head up. "You heard the man, give him another dumbbell."
Brock, tempered, lowered his brows and said, "In that case, give him one as well."
The witch nodded, "Right!" Though her attempt to lift one of the desired dumbbells complicated this. "I- I can't lift it!" she whined.
Both men growled at her.
Earl was left staring at the ceiling of the mall, somewhat embarrassed. Chiya was controlling his hand and also the direction in which they walked.
"Chiya…"
They stopped. "Yes, Earl?"
The man felt his mustache, then looked into her eyes, "Uh, when you proposed that we venture the mall…" He waved his hand around an ocean of cat merchandise. "I thought you meant, grab a bite, or something along those lines."
"This pet emporium just opened. Of course we were going to go scout it out." She held up a pink collar, featuring a bowtie, ribbon, and bell. "Wouldn't Mauser look beautiful with this?"
Earl smirked, "If Mauser were a girl… and the Feline Princess, maybe."
The Mysterian frowned and put it down, "You don't want to be here?"
"I- I didn't say that. But, hey, check it out; there's a sports shop just around the corner. You like soccer, don't you?" Chiya's frown remained firm, a decisive blow to Earl's morale. Giving up, he held up a regular blue collar. "Uh, how about this one? You like blue, and it compliments Mauser's personality."
This turned her frown into a smile. After bagging the collar, Chiya led Earl away from the store and back into the open mall. It was here the two stood and observed their surroundings. Couples, parents and children, friends; the Upper City's mall was packed with action. Naturally, Chiya was getting the occasional stare. She was a racer, but not a legend yet.
Earl hummed while looking around at the variety of shops, "A lot of good stuff here." Chiya nodded in agreement. "They've got several shops for sports, eating, electronics, hairstyle-"
Chiya fired her finger forward like a rocket, "Hey, look! There's one for shaving!" She turned to him with a robotic smile. "You like shaving, don't you? You should buy some razors!"
The Korean brought his hands together, "Hey, that's not a bad ide- hey, wait a minute…" He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "I never said I like shaving…"
"It was just a thought."
"Chiya, I will not be tempted into shaving this mustache. It's an official piece of the Bendek set."
She dipped her head down with a desperate smile, "No—o, you've got it all wrong. I like your mustache..!" Her gaze became distant and confused. "I just don't understand how you grew it so quickly…"
Earl snickered, "Well, just to be sure…" A decent amount of credits had been placed over her shoulder. "Why criticize my facial hair, when you could be shopping for expensive clothing?"
Chiya widened her eyes at the gifted money, and without a further second to think, took it into her grasp. After pocketing it, she walked off alongside Earl.
"Nah, let's go get some food!" she announced with wide eyes.
With the return of music, lights, and cheering; Mr. Party announced, "And we've returned!"
Seppuku crossed his arms and complained, "That was the longest commercial break in history."
The two men sat back in their respective chairs, where Mr. Party held up a reading device. Behind the two came a 'correct/incorrect' screen.
"Lieu—utenant Seppuku! Are you ready for the next level!?"
"You're d*** right, I am." The censoring of his favorite word led the man to clench his fists. "Stop censoring my words!"
Mr. Party looked Seppuku in the eyes and explained, "Alright, for this stage of the game, we're going to bring up situations and definitions, and your task is to provide the correct definition." He looked down at the screen for an example. "If I say, 'A common liquid product from a cow,' you would answer 'Milk.'"
"Yeah, yeah. Let's go. I've got places to be!"
"Alright…" Mr. Party cleared his throat. "A common practice at the beach on a sunny day."
Seppuku hummed, "Shoot seagulls."
"Close, but no. The answer was 'Sunbathe.'"
The Man of Darkness snapped his fingers.
"When arresting a criminal suspect, an officer must tell them…"
Seppuku raised his finger, "'Oh, and you ruined your chance at living you thug!'" Before Mr. Party could speak, Seppuku corrected himself. "Or if you're referring to the 'typical' situation… 'You have the right to remain silent.'"
"Hey, there it is!" Mr. Party cheered as the 'correct' sign lit up.
"Aw yeah, I've got this in the bag!"
"Next… The amount of beer found in a typical Ontix can is…"
Seppuku slammed his fist down, "Twelve ounces! Sixteen grams of pure alcohol. I like it a lot."
Mr. Party scratched his nose, "Alright! You knocked that one out of the park!" Following the audience cheers, he continued. "Which ferocious animal makes up the symbol of Babylon?"
The Man of Darkness cringed, "What the hell is a Babylon? Oh, wait…" His expression became dull as he raised a finger. "The answer to that is Jody Summer. She's an animal in more ways than one."
Mr. Party rubbed his chin, "Let's see… Erm… No… Surprisingly, the answer was 'Lion.'"
"Yeah, but technically, I'm still right!"
"Moving on. What-"
"So did I get the point!?"
"No." He continued. "What food delicacy is Mysteria best known for? Hint, it-"
"Pie."
Mr. Party raised an eyebrow, "Uh, perhaps you should let me finish-"
Seppuku reinstated with a grin, "Trust me. I've gotten some Mysterian pie before. Good stuff."
A moment of silence ensued, to which Mr. Zero displayed the 'incorrect' sign. Here he rubbed his hands together and sighed.
"Well, the answer was 'Mysterian Truffle.' So, you're wrong."
"Am I?"
"Yes, and that was the final question." Mr. Party beamed as the music once more began to play. "You didn't win any prizes in this round. But! Since you answered two of those correctly, you still get to move on to the final round!"
The music grew louder and the cheering more intense; Seppuku rubbed his hands together in excitement.
"Prize money, here I come!"
Black Shadow finally dragged himself into the kitchen, and it was here he ran into an issue. The emperor flipped the light switch on and off—but no light source came about. With a dropped jaw, he hopped up in rage.
"Really? Are you joking?" The man turned back toward the door and shouted. "Thanks for efficiently maintaining the place, guys!"
Then with a discontent face, he took slow steps into the dark kitchen, reaching around for shelves. His hand found the refrigerator, then the sink, and then the stove… Placing his hand over the stove, a sensational burn caught him by surprise.
"Gah! Wh- What!?" He jumped away while shaking his burnt hand. "I- I don't understand! Who left the damn stove on, everyone here's a robot!"
Out of plain rage, the emperor swung his fist back and made impact. The entire refrigerator came crashing down as a result. His only reaction was to close his eyes and sigh.
With passing time, Black Shadow stood before the microwave and watched as his popcorn heated. His foot tapped with every second that went by, both his patience and resolve thinning. To make matters worse, the popcorn was being stubborn.
"Come on… pop! …pop!" Almost thirty seconds passed, and only a single kernel popped. "Come on, what's the matter with you!?" He grabbed the microwave and shook it, then pounded on it. "I'm missing my program. Hurry up! I need to see Seppuku fail!"
His pounding of the microwave continued, but as nearly a minute passed, it had become evident that the bag was a dud. Grabbing his head with both hands, Black Shadow let out a power groan, then kicked his foot straight through the microwave glass.
"Welp! No more heated food for Dark Million!" he shouted like a child. "Death Soldier!" he called.
Only seconds later, a Death Soldier rushed into the kitchen with a salute. "Yes, your highness."
Black Shadow observed the popcorn's label, then nodded, "Death Soldier, take a note… Before we decimate Earth of its population… we find and kill the members of Captain Cornpopper Corporation!"
Jody beat Zoda's head against the Death Anchor, "Aa—ah! Police brutality!" he panicked.
"You have the right to remain silent… and please do. Anything you say may be used against you in the Federation Court of Law."
Zoda scrolled his eyes up at Jody, "I didn't do anything wrong!"
Jody narrowed her eyes, "You ran over three streetlights, totaled seven parked cars, nearly killed fifty-some people, and wasted police resources in a chase."
The thin man chuckled, "Oh, I'm in trouble, aren't I?"
Captain Falcon approached the group, placed a hand over the Death Anchor, and then commented, "You know, Zoda. You possess critical information about Dark Million that would benefit both the Federation and humanity as a whole."
"I'll never talk, coppers!"
Jody intensified her grasp of him, "And let's keep it that way, eh!? Your voice pisses me off!"
Falcon placed a hand over Jody's shoulder, "Ms. Summer, if I may…"
The chief commander eyed the F-Zero legend, then sighed, "Alright, but keep it lawful. Even former Dark Million terrorists must be treated equally…" She released Zoda and grabbed her forehead. "This ordeal has given me a bad headache…"
Captain Falcon leaned against the Death Anchor and gave Zoda a smile, "Hey there, Zoda. How's things?"
For a moment, Zoda returned a scared gaze. "Oh God… are you coming onto me..?"
"You know, Zoda. Everyone makes bad decisions; but everyone is also capable of reforming and making good decisions!" His smile turned into a confident grin. "You left Dark Million—a great decision. Surely, all of us here have a mutual interest of protecting the universe from Black Shadow."
Zoda's eyes darted left and right, then focused on the legend. "Actually… I'm just looking for money. The working man's a sucker. Who needs a job when I can just steal?"
Falcon turned his head to a different angle, "What of the morality? Do you feel no shame in depriving innocent folks of their earnings?"
"Nope."
The hero's face went dull. Standing tall, he turned and moved toward the Blue Falcon. "Okay, I'm through with him. See'ya."
Jody watched Captain Falcon take leave, then turned her attention onto an approaching Dr. Stewart. The look on his face suggested that he had information for her.
"Stewart," she greeted.
"Jody, I was just listening to the radio…"
"Yeah?"
The doctor explained, "Lieutenant Seppuku is starring on Halftime Party Time Games."
Jody widened her eyes, "Oh, he is? Eh!?"
"It gets worse…"
"Naturally," she added.
"When asked for the animal symbol of Babylon, he answered 'Jody Summer.'"
Of course, Jody took exception to this, "That child! Th- That joke doesn't even make sense!"
Zoda, still cuffed and bent over, bobbed his head up and claimed, "Yes, but technically, he's right."
Jody spun around with fiery eyes, "What is that supposed to mean!?"
He reinstated, "Technically."
Without further word on the matter, she brushed her hand toward Zoda—signifying his lack of worth in her eyes. Then, she marched over to her machine—the White Cat. Stewart raised a brow and turned.
"Jody, where are you-"
"Consider the show cancelled."
Brock and Blood Falcon sat at a table in the gym as Rose placed various beverages in front of them. Both men seemed fairly disgusted by every glass. The two beverages they were being insisted to drink at the moment was sludgy, brown, and cloudy.
Blood Falcon made a nervous chuckle, "U—uh, Rose? What's this?"
The witch got a devilish grin, "Energy drinks. I made them myself."
Brock, disinterested, asked, "And how does energy drinks prove who is the strongest?"
She raised a finger, "Let's be honest. You two are quite equal when it comes to weightlifting. So we'll test another strength." She waved to the many beverages. "Disgusting? Absolutely. Healthy? Yes. Surely, the stronger—and smarter—man will drink through any challenge. The weaker man will wimp out from drinking."
Both men gulped, Blood Falcon dipped the tip of his finger into the first beverage. His finger extracted some of it like pudding. Brock's eyebrow twitched upon seeing this.
"Oh, oops!" With a pleasant face, Rose held up a purple bottle—featuring a skull and crossbones—and poured a heavy amount into both glasses. She did so while humming a beautiful tune. "Forgot the additive..!"
Blood Falcon sat up straight, "Wait, isn't that stuff extremely poisonous?"
Rose tossed the bottle aside and beamed, "Poisonous? Ha! Why would I want to poison you two?" Her eyes became very devilish. "Drink."
Brock slapped his hand down and complained, "I do not agree with this challenge. I wish to demonstrate muscle superiority, not willpower."
The clone Falcon nodded, "Yeah! Same here. Come on, let's get some physical activity going."
Rose clapped her hands, "Okay, alright, I hear you. But, uh, you should drink up before doing so. Energy drinks!"
Brock faced Blood Falcon with a straight finger, "Let's settle this the old-fashioned way."
"Oh?"
"The wrestling of arms. Surely, the stronger man will prevail in the simplest of duels."
Blood Falcon enlisted extreme interest in this idea. "Oh, it's a date!" He rolled up his sleeve while giving Brock a fierce stare. "Just let me warm up and we'll dance!"
Brock nodded, "This argument ends…"
Rose slowly raised both energy drinks up to their chins, "Good idea, but you should really drink the pois- energy drinks!" she said with a cheery face.
"Whoa, you're Chiya Flower!" a young woman claimed with excitement.
Chiya and Earl were seated at a table, eating from a bag of fast food in the mall. Both lovers were returning bright expressions to the F-Zero fan. The Mysterian, of course, went out of her way to give a strong greeting.
"How do you do?" she responded with a strong handshake.
The fan continued, "I saw you in your debut race! You were good." With a single blink, her attention was turned onto Earl. "Cool mustache!"
The lovers exchanged brief glances and expressions; Chiya's being dull, Earl's being cool. The Korean snickered before nodding in agreement.
"I am Chiya's personal mechanic."
The fan nodded to him, then looked to Chiya, "Mhm, hey! Wanna sign my notebook?"
"Yeah!" Chiya cheered.
Chiya began working on the girl's notebook, putting great detail into an autograph. Earl found both joy and excitement in this event. It was for a split second that he turned his head and caught a television in his gaze. Here he raised an eyebrow, then gasped with wide eyes. Chiya took slight note of his gasp, but made nothing of it.
"U—uh, Chiya?"
Concluding the autograph, Chiya acknowledged him, "Yes?"
He pointed at the television, which drew both their attention toward the program. Both lovers became lost staring at the screen—Seppuku's gameshow.
"Lieu—utenant Seppuku! This is the final round!"
The Man of Darkness smashed his fists together, "And I'm ready to win."
"Wo—onderfu—ul!"
"Stop it with that."
Mr. Party turned toward a transforming wall, which displayed multiple targets of varying size. Seppuku raised his eyebrows upon spotting the white and red targets. Following the wall transformation, a bucket of rubber balls had been brought over to Seppuku.
"Seppuku! For your final challenge, you will be tasked with throwing these balls at the targets. Hit at least three, and you'll receive your prize!"
"Could I throw my balls at Summer's face instead?" Then with a grin, Seppuku tossed a ball up in front of him. "This should be no problem. I was the starting quarterback for the Dallas Ranchers, you know."
The crowd gasped—along with some cheering. Mr. Party, surprised, faced Seppuku. "For real? You're an F-Zero racer and you played American Football?"
"Well, uh, not really… no. See… I kicked my way through some doors in Dallas in a bid to try out…"
"And?"
Seppuku snickered, "Apparently, I'm too old to play for them. Fools. All of them."
With a nod, the two faced the targets again. "Well, good luck!"
The crowd became silent, and elevator music—of all things—began to play. The Man of Darkness took a ball into his hand, then asserted great concentration onto the target in question. Typically, he was aiming for the smallest target.
Pitching it like a baseball, the first ball was fired into the air. The crowd gasped in those coming moments, then success as the target fell. A mixture of clapping and cheering ensued. Mr. Party merely nodded, acknowledging the impressive strike.
"Too easy!" Seppuku boasted.
"But you have two more to go."
Seppuku took possession of a second ball; his new target was also small. Again, he took time to calculate his throw, then executed the plan. The ball soared with intense speed, and with a buildup of suspense, missed the target.
The crowd awed and booed the miss, to Seppuku's anger.
"Worthless ball!" he shouted. "Someone clearly deflated it!"
"Three more tries."
The Man of Darkness ceased his showboating by picking a larger target. He took a ball, preplanned his attack, and executed it the same way. It flew, it struck, and ultimately led Seppuku to another downed target. The crowd cheered and the music became dramatic.
Mr. Party slapped Seppuku on the back, "You have one more target to hit! Two more tries."
Seppuku held up another ball, "Get that prize ready."
Though not at all strategic, Seppuku again aimed for the smaller target—seeking to impress the crowd. He tipped his fedora upward for a better view, then with a tongue stuck out, pitched this ball. In the end, there was no question about it—a clean cut hit to the target.
Lights began to flash, cheers came about, confetti fell, and the music became lively. Seppuku smirked as he was showered with praise and an inevitable prize. Mr. Party, acting excited, shook hands with the Man of Darkness.
"Lieutenant Seppuku! Though you did not win any monetary earnings today; you do, in fact, win the grand prize!"
"Sweet. What is it?"
A large red curtain opened up, revealing his reward. Seppuku cracked his knuckles with an excited expression upon spotting the reward.
"Today, you walk home with a new luxury boat!"
"Aw, hell yeah!"
Mr. Party waved his hand toward the massive boat, "Powered with the highest grade motor, built to persevere through the toughest terrain, a great deck for fishing and sunbathing!"
Seppuku rubbed his hands together, "Is that a spot for a deployable machinegun above the bridge!?"
"Naturally!"
"Sweet!"
Mr. Party again shook his hand, "Seppuku, enjoy your new boat!"
And then, Jody Summer intervened, "Not so fast!"
Seppuku barred his teeth while facing away from her, "Strange… I don't recall this part of Mute City having bats…" He turned his head and grimaced at his friendly rival. "Oh, never mind. It's just 'The Bat.'"
Jody came between the two men and raised a finger, "This boat belongs to the Galactic Space Federation as of now."
"What? This is my boat, Summer!"
"And I am seizing it as compensation for the five speeding tickets you still refuse to honor."
Seppuku got up to her face, "Four. Four! Four tickets!" With ensuing silence, Seppuku stomped his foot down. "What's with you liberals and trying to take away our boats!?"
Rose stood between two locked hands, ready for an explosive wrestle between Blood Falcon and Brock Blaskovitz. Both men, still trying to prove their respective superiority, refused to take away their gazes.
The witch explained, "Alright, simple game. First person to find their hand crashing down is the weaker man. Okay?"
"Yes."
"Yeah!"
"Alright." She placed the same two energy drinks on the table before them. "If you guys get thirsty or tired, here's some drinks."
Brock narrowed his eye at Blood Falcon, "You will lose."
Blood Falcon retaliated with a, "Come on!"
Rose snapped her fingers, thus declaring the match. Both men went to war on each other, and like a border of equal strength, only grunting and shaking came out of it. The witch watched in horror as veins popped in both armed; already, she was becoming sickened by this.
She closed her eyes and muttered, "…on second thought, perhaps I should be the one to drink these…"
Brock applied every drop of willpower and energy into his offense, but this was not breaking Blood Falcon. Even so, he made an insult, "You have the arm of a child."
Blood Falcon retaliated, "You have the brain of a squirrel."
Rose added, "And I have the beauty of a princess."
With gritted teeth, Blood Falcon panted a few times, then muttered, "Falcon… Push..!"
"That is not a thing," Brock claimed.
"How would you know?"
Several moments passed with the two making zero progress. There was, however, declining energy—from both men. Both were sweating, and both were becoming drastically weaker. Even Rose took note of this, as evident by their shaking bodies.
Blood Falcon darted his eyes left and right, looking for a way to potentially cheat. Brock did much of the same, trying to reach his foot over to Blood Falcon's in an attempt to stomp on him. This was disallowed by the legs of the table.
The witch whistled, "You two aren't looking too good. A little more of this, and you'll both die of exhaustion…" She then put on a cute smile. "But! Someone has to win here, so…"
The fight continued for another two minutes, whereas finally, the gym door opened. In came the Emperor of Brutality—Black Shadow. Battered up from so many falls and such, the emperor appeared mutually exhausted.
"Everybody, I have an announceme-"
The arm wrestle in progress left Black Shadow grunting in shock, Rose was the only one to have noticed their master. Brock and Blood Falcon kept the good war going.
"Give up!" Blood Falcon demanded.
"No, you must," Brock responded.
Black Shadow jumped up and growled, landing caused a loud crash which raised everyone's awareness. "What is going on here!?"
Rose, magnetically, found herself beside Black Shadow, "These two are fighting over petty strength superiority."
The emperor glared, "What!? Stop, stop at once!"
Brock and Blood Falcon ceased the wrestling match, but retained a grasp of each other. Neither man was willing to let go, still fired up with competition. Black Shadow walked forward while shaking his head.
"Falcon, Blaskovitz. No one in Dark Million is better than the other. Only I am superior."
Rose, kissing up to her master, made a rapid nod of acknowledgment. Blood Falcon grit his teeth in response, "But surely one of us is stronger."
"Who cares!" Brock and Falcon exchanged glances. "You're both powerful. All that matters is that both of you possess the base strength needed to crush humanity. The moral of the story is: We mustn't fight amongst ourselves… we must use our strengths to exterminate the vile immoral beings of the universe!"
Rose beamed with a straight finger up, "Master is absolutely right! Independently, either one of you can cause havoc. But united, we can destroy the human race and bring peace to the universe!"
Both men released from the fight, stood up, and convened with Rose and Black Shadow. It was here where Falcon and Brock faced each other. Blood Falcon pocketed one hand while kicking his foot down.
"Hey, I'm not going to apologize or anything… cause that's lame. But I'll admit, you're a great teammate to have."
Brock smiled and grabbed his partner by the shoulder, "The feeling is mutual, friend. Let us break necks united."
Black Shadow smiled, "That's the spirit!"
Rose jumped, "Hugs!"
The four bundled together and hugged. Black Shadow pat the back of all three subordinates.
Blood Falcon muttered, "Isn't Dark Million incapable of love..?"
Black Shadow happily muttered back, "It's a business hug… not love…"
Chiya and Earl sat together in the lobby later that day, looking over a mobile device. Here, Earl pointed his finger over the screen, then dragged his finger along an F-Zero track it was displaying. Chiya watched with great concentration.
He explained, "You may want to consider limiting the maximum speed around this area. Go too fast, and you might hit a safety railing face first. You won't be able to make up the lost time if that's the case."
"Agreed. But I'll need to be quick in setting it back up, considering that following section of the track is-"
Seppuku kicked open the lobby door, his face angry as usual. Both Chiya and Earl looked up with anxious expressions, now aware of his gameshow scene. The Man of Darkness crossed his arms in a fit.
"Well, I just-" He became even more agitated upon looking at Earl. "Bendek! What the hell is that crap!?"
He approached Earl, reached for his lip, and stripped the man of his mustache. It came off with ease, revealing a smooth lip.
"Hey! Come on, man!"
Chiya's eyes widened as she gasped, "Fake!"
The Korean frowned, "Come on, it's not fair. I don't grow much facial hair…"
Seppuku collapsed into a chair and groaned, "The damn bat took my boat…"
Chiya opened up a passionate smile, "I'm sorry, Seppuku…"
"Eh, it's alright…" He glanced away from the two while rubbing his hands devilishly. "I'll be sure to enact some sweet revenge…"
The three went on to sit and talk for another twenty-some minutes. Cats, F-Zero, Dark Million, mustaches, and Jody Summer. Good conversations that only Team Seppuku could discuss…
Chiya hummed with a smile, "Hey, I wonder what Samurai Goroh's been up to."
Seppuku chuckled, "Nope, word limit."
Happy Revival Day!
