Chapter 16: Let it Out

The happy atmosphere had to change in the blink of an eye. While Riley had been sprawled across one of the pews trying to relax, Sasha started to gather Rick and a few others to go outside. The mood changed quickly and she could tell something was wrong. With all haste, she sat up straight, locking her gaze on the door and waiting for someone to come back in and explain what was going on.

Never a day to breathe.

Carl seemed to notice her unease and scooted toward her with Judith in his lap. "Hey, why don't you hold her for a bit?"

She let out a small sigh, knowing that he was just trying to help and distract her from being anxious. "Okay."

He shifted his little sister onto her lap and she pressed her lips together, still a little uncomfortable handling her.

"Whatever it is, my dad can handle it," he assured, letting his hands fall in his lap.

Saying nothing, she glanced down at the baby in her lap as she played with her long black hair. Every once in a while, she would glance up at the door, but nothing happened for a good ten minutes when Sasha burst into the place. She started to accuse Gabriel of something and she blinked. Apparently a few people were missing? Gabriel denied having anything to do with it, but this just egged Sasha on and she pulled out a knife.

Everyone lurched forward to stop her and she almost did too, but Judith in her lap weighed her down in her seat. The tension quickly rose and Rick took Sasha's place, questioning the preacher harshly about the words carved into the church and other clues pointing to something suspicious.

And he finally explained. Explained that he had locked people out - prevented them from safety. And it was all his fault. A flicked or pity fluttered in her chest and she frowned a bit. His story still didn't explain how the others had gone missing, but they didn't need to wait.

A loud whistle echoed from outside and she sat up straighter, clutching Judith in her lap and locking her eyes on one of the windows.

"Who is that?" she asked, voice stiff.

Glenn moved toward the window and peered out for a moment before exclaiming, "there's someone out there! There's someone out there lying in the grass!"

Everybody began to rush out and her heart climbed up her throat. They screamed, Rick shouting orders and finally shooting at something or someone. Judith's face scrunched up with unshed tears and she began to panic. How is she supposed to calm her down?

"Shh, hey it's okay," she tried, bouncing her a little in her lap, but to no avail. Her crying started and she reached out for her brother for comfort.

He took her, cradling her in his arms as the others brought Bob into the church. The glaring difference from the last time she saw him was that this time he didn't have a left leg. She stood, muscles tensing as she approached everyone setting him down on the ground and trying to wake him up. It took him a few minutes to come to and as soon as he was awake, his girlfriend embraced him.

"What happened?" everyone seemed to simultaneously ask.

Kneeling down, she studied his stump as he explained.

"I was in the graveyard," he panted, sitting up, "somebody knocked me out. I woke up outside this place. It looked like a...a school. It was that guy...Gareth. And five other ones. They were eating my leg right in front of me. Like it was nothin'. All proud, like they had it all figured out."

Her hands jumped to her mouth and she stared at him in shock. He lost his leg to the sick cannibals that were somehow still alive? And they didn't even kill him before eating? Nausea rose in the back of her throat. But that wasn't even the worst of it. The look on Sasha's face when he revealed the bite on his shoulder could make a thousand hearts break. This was why she tried not to attach herself to people. Because they always got bit in the end.

"Come on," Carl murmured next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She didn't even know when he'd gotten there, but she stood, following him as he collected Judith in a little basket and headed to the office. The tension continued to rise and everyone started to fight as thy left the room. She tried not to listen, but she couldn't help it. Now that she knew there was a threat, all of her senses went on overdrive.

They were arguing. Arguing about leaving with the bus and who went with who. Sitting down in the corner, she listened and the fight finally died down. Sasha came into the room to talk and comfort Bob, but she paid them no mind. Carl stayed silent next to her with Judith.

Out in the sanctuary, she heard Rick say something about a plan. A plan to kill these people.

They deserved to die. After everything they had put them through. She knew that thinking this way wasn't the right thing to be thinking, but she couldn't help it. These thoughts came on so strongly - she just wanted them to pay.

Getting to her feet, she ignored Carl's questionings and headed to the doorway, stopping and looking at everyone. "I wanna help."

They stared at her, unsure of what to say to her. Rick finally walked over, shaking his head.

"I need you to stay here with Carl and watch Judith," he said, putting his hands on his hips.

"No. I'm going to help," she replied defiantly, tilting her head up to look at him, strong and unwavering. She needed to satisfy these dark thoughts and put them at bay.

"Riley, you can stay-"

"No," she interrupted Carl. "I need to do this."

Stiff silence blanketed them and she waited for the confirmation.

"Okay," Rick finally agreed, taking a step back and nodding slightly. "Okay."

"Dad-"

"She wants to do this, Carl," he said firmly.

Riley took a deep breath, pulling her gun from her jeans and looking over her shoulder. "I'll be back."

He stayed quiet, staring at her for a moment before nodding. Moving forward, she joined the others, grouping up and being placed between Glenn and Maggie.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" the Korean man asked, looking back at her.

"No. But I have to," she answered, pressing her lips together.

"If you feel you can't handle it, let us know," Maggie said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Okay..."

Rick motioned for them to head out and they all started walking. Outside, the moon bathed in clouds, blocking the light from casting itself across the earth. Quietly, they walked down the path and headed to the woods to fake them out. If they were lucky, they wouldn't have to wait long before they crawled out from their hiding spots and headed for the church. Once they got a good distance into the woods, they settled down to watch for any movement. Almost immediately, she could see figures slipping out from the woods and heading toward the church. They were impatient and didn't wait to check their surroundings very long before bursting in.

Once they crept inside, they were given the go ahead to move forward. She gripped her gun tightly, quickly and quietly jogging after the others toward the door. Her ears strained to hear what was going on inside. Talking from the sounds of it. Threatening. And Judith crying. It was just about time for them to jump in.

One at a time, they quietly slipped into the church, settling down behind the pews in the back for cover. Her heart hammered inside her chest and she waited an agonizingly long time before Rick shot the two nearest to the door. Gareth turned, in shock.

"Put your guns on the floor," Rick growled, slowly stepping out of the shadows.

Gareth didn't miss a beat. "Rick, we'll fire right into that office so you lower your gun!"

Rick wasn't playing games because he immediately shot the cannibal's fingers off, causing him to cry out in pain. There was something satisfying about this situation. They were finally in control, not the other way around.

"Put your guns on the floor and kneel."

"Do what he says," Gareth groaned, kneeling on the ground.

Abraham motioned for them to move from cover and she stood, cautiously creeping from the shadows with her gun raised. Gareth's brother didn't seem to want to drop his weapon, but after a sharp reprimand from the ginger, he eventually put it down. Soon, they were all surrounding the small group of Termites and she kept her gun trained on them, glaring sharply at each of them.

"No point in begging, right?" Gareth sputtered.

"No," Rick answered.

"Still, you could've killed us when you came in. There had to be a reason for that."

"We didn't wanna waste the bullets."

"We used to help people, we saved people!" Gareth spat.

"By eating them?" Riley hissed, grinding her teeth.

"No! Things changed. They came in and we...after that... I know you've been out there but I can see it. You don't know what it is to be hungry. You don't have to do this, we can walk away. And we will never cross paths again, I promise you."

"But you crossed someone's path. You'd do this to anyone. Right? Besides, I already made you a promise," Rick growled, unsheathing his machete and slamming it down on Gareth's skull.

And then, everyone else started to attack the rest of them. Blood splattered everywhere and that was when Riley's tough wall wavered. The bile rose in her throat once more and she looked away from the gore, sheathing her gun and trying to breathe. Why did she think that she could just kill people like that? She took a shaky step backwards, bumping into someone.

Instinctively, she spun around in panic, only to see it was Glenn. He looked just as horrified as she did. Looking down at her, he put a hand on her shoulder in reassurance. He didn't like this either.

"I t-thought I could...I can't," she breathed, staring blankly at his shirt. She could just barely see him nod in her peripheral vision.

With every squelching noise, she winced. She had to get out. Pushing past Glenn, she headed for the door, slipping outside and breathing in air. One minute, she wanted revenge and the next, she couldn't stand the sight of all out murder. It was more for protection, really. But there was just something in Rick's face that made her shiver.

He's only trying to protect everyone. Protect Carl.

For the rest of the night, she sat outside. Just thinking. Not speaking. Not sleeping. She needed some way to get these thoughts and feelings out of her, but she didn't want to tell anyone. No one else needed her burden along with their own.

She was surprised that no one came out to check on her, but she was also relieved. All she wanted was to be alone for the time being and it was only when the sun started to expand into the sky when someone came outside. Looking up, she realized it was Tara. The woman stood nearby for a moment before she even spoke.

"We're saying goodbye to Bob. I know you didn't really know him and neither did I but...you can come in if you want," she said, looking down at her with concerned brown eyes.

Riley nodded, heaving a heavy sigh before standing. She swallowed the dry saliva caking her throat and followed the dark-haired woman inside. Everyone gathered in the small church office with Bob on the couch. Carl's gaze instinctively found her, but she didn't look at him. She could just feel him looking at her.

A few words from the others were said to Bob. She didn't know him enough to say anything. Even though she didn't know him, the somber, sorrowful feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. Another good human being gone because of those things. When everyone else started to file out, she followed suit, feeling weighted down from the events over the past few days. There was kidnap, attempted rape, near death several times, her first human being killed, the struggle she was having inside, and now this. Seemed like enough to last an entire lifetime and it had happened in the past three days.

She still couldn't stand the sight of the blood staining the floor of the church, so she went outside with a few of the others. Sitting down at the base of a tree, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Her lack of sleep was beginning to have an effect on her body and she really needed a nap. Rustling grass caught her attention and she opened her eyes in time to see Carl sitting down next to her with Judith in his lap.

"Did you kill anyone?" he asked quietly, bouncing his little sister.

Her eyes wandered away from him to the rest of the group out front where Abraham was getting his group on the bus. Something about Maggie and Glenn leaving made her feel even more somber, but maybe they would see them again.

"No," she murmured.

"Then why did you go with the others? I thought you wanted revenge. To fulfill some sort of vendetta."

"I never said that," she corrected.

"It just...seemed like it," he explained.

She paused, pressing her lips together and looking over at him, his baby blues searching her face for something.

"It's just...I was angry. They tried to eat us. And one of them tried to kill me so I had to...kill him. He was the first human being I killed that wasn't out of mercy. He deserved it and so did the others but...when I saw everyone killing them last night I just...couldn't do it. Sometimes all I see is myself killing but I don't want to drown in blood."

"Hey," he said softly, scooting closer so they were shoulder to shoulder. "The guy you killed, he was trying to hurt you. You didn't kill in cold blood. You did it for defense. You're not going to become like them. I promise."

It was like he knew exactly what she was thinking. She didn't even have to tell him all of the information and he knew the story. He went through the same thing.

"Okay. I trust you."

Those words were huge coming out of her lips, but she wanted him to hear it. He seemed to just be giving and giving and giving and she wanted him to know that she wanted to give back too.

"You really should sleep," he said, tucking Judith into his lap underneath his arm. "You can um...use my shoulder if you want...?"

Riley looked over at him, blinking as heat rose to her cheeks. Suddenly, neither of them even knew what to say and she glanced away. They sat in awkward silence for a moment before slowly and carefully, she leaned her head against his shoulder. She could feel him jump slightly beneath her, but he didn't move away or say anything. After a few moments of getting comfortable and relaxed, she let her eyelids flutter shut. His warmth radiated through his shirt and onto her cheek, giving her a small sense of comfort as well as his sweaty and earthy scent. Exhaustion took over her body and she slowly fell asleep next to him with her head on his shoulder.