Chapter 17: Despair

Riley awoke in a different place than she had fallen asleep. The church ceiling greeted her and loud smashing reached her ears. Quickly sitting up, she took a glance around, noticing that some of the others were breaking apart pews and tearing up the organ on the other side of the room. Her demeanor relaxed slightly and she took in a breath, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and taking note of who was in the church and who was missing. It was clear that they were trying to do some reinforcements and she'd missed out on most of it.

Carl didn't appear to be inside, so she scooted off the pew and started outside. Daryl rammed some metal pipes in the ground in front of the church while Gabriel watched, seemingly uneasy about them desecrating his church. She paid them no mind, wandering past and further out in the yard. To the right, she spotted a few others hammering nails into pieces of wood covering the windows. At the very back, she noticed Carl and someone else she didn't recognize. Who was that?

Making her way over, she caught the other boy's attention first and he nudged Carl. His head turned and he locked eyes with her, an awkward smile coming to his lips. She noticed his cheeks were flushed, probably from the heat.

"Hey, Riley. You missed a lot," he murmured, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, I noticed. Who's he?" she asked, turning slightly as she felt someone's gaze on her back.

Rick was watching from a few windows over, his eyes shifting between them. Deciding not to pay him any mind, she turned her attention back to Carl and the new kid.

"I'm Noah. Daryl found me in the city. The place I escaped from, they have one of your group," the new guy explained.

"Beth," Carl clarified. "You haven't met her yet. She got separated from us at the prison."

"Oh... Okay. Well do you guys need any help?"

"Are you sure you're up for it? You had a rough night..."

"I'm fine."

"Okay, here..." He bent down to pick up a plank and handed it to her. "Can you hold it while I hammer it in?"

"Gotcha."

Together, the two of them made quick work of the window and soon moved onto the next. It felt good to be doing something that would help keep her mind off the events of last night. Luckily, the church had fewer windows and many of the others had already been dealt with so they got done rather quickly. Daryl finished putting the protective barrier out front and inside, one of the pews was smashed enough to use it for the door. Now that the protective measures were all put in place, Rick gathered them all together, instructing who was to stay and who was to go.

Apparently, they were going to go and try to rescue this Beth girl. She, Michonne, Carl, Judith, and Gabriel were staying behind while the others were going. Everything was fine to her since she would rather stay put at the moment and cool down after an eventful night. Rick handed Michonne Judith and hugged his son before they left, closing the large doors behind them. She and Carl put up the hunk of pew on the door, which kept them safe.

Stretching, she wandered across the room, glancing over at Gabriel every now and then. He was scrubbing the floor as hard as he could, trying to remove the dried blood from the hardwood floor. Carl gathered some weapons and started to lay them next to the man, obviously trying to imply that he needed to take one and learn how to use it. She decided to stay out of this one and let him try and do the convincing. She didn't think it would work and wasn't worth the time. So she sat down next to Michonne, who was coddling baby Judith in her arms.

Riley pulled her knees to her chest, watching Carl try and grab Gabriel's attention.

"You and Carl seem to be pretty good friends," Michonne commented.

She turned her head, shrugging a little. "I guess...?"

The woman smirked. "He just really seems to like you and you really seem to like him."

Her eyes widened when she realized exactly what she was implying and she fought back a blush, shooting a glance over at Carl as he offered to teach Gabriel. Her eyes locked on the curve of his jaw and the beads of sweat lightly trickling down his neck from beneath his shaggy hair and the slight definition of his muscles underneath his shirt. Heat crept up her neck and Michonne chuckled.

"We're just good friends. Had to deal with a lot when we were alone," she assured, stumbling over her words a few times and silently cursing herself.

"Hey, it's alright. You're a teenager, he's a teenager. It's part of the package. A lot of us notice how close you are. I've seen you staring at him and him staring at you. Rick and I found you asleep on his shoulder."

"He offered! And I was tired so I just kinda...fell asleep," she muttered, clearly embarrassed.

"Alright, alright. Just warning you that we're noticing. Rick might have a talk with you guys if you keep it up." She smirked, shifting Judith in her lap.

Riley groaned and buried her face in her hands, wishing the conversation had never even taken place. Now all she could think about were the times they'd held hands or hugged or sat close to each other and how it could be taken the wrong way. What if Michonne was right? No she can't be. He wouldn't like me like that and he's just my friend.

How was she even supposed to know what liking someone entailed? She'd never had a boyfriend before and never even thought about it. The thought of something like that happening in this world just seemed too good to be true. Though the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was still happening. Glenn and Maggie were married. Abraham and Rosita seemed very close. Bob and Sasha had been together before he died.

Before either of them could say another word, Carl took a seat next to her. She glanced up to see Gabriel retreating to the back room.

"Didn't convince him?" Michonne asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe. He seemed okay until I started to talk about how to use it on a walker," he explained, shrugging.

"It'll just take some time."

All through out the conversation, she remained silent, trying not to think about what was said previously as she watched him talk from the corner of her eye. He seemed to notice her silence because he looked over at her.

"You okay, Riley?"

"Yeah just...thinking."

"About what?"

She froze, not sure exactly what to say. She didn't want to lie to him but she definitely didn't want to talk about what was going on inside her head.

"Hey why don't you two find a board game in the back room? Do something to pass the time," Michonne suggested.

Riley shot a grateful look at the woman and slid off the pew. "Yeah, sure."

He followed suit, seeming a bit confused at the sudden shift in conversation but going along with it nonetheless. Once they got to the back room, she began to shuffle through the closet, finding a small collection of games. Most of them were more of children's games, but checkers and chess were also part of the collection. She pulled the two out, showing them to Carl.

"Chess," he chose, taking checkers from her and putting it with the other games.

After putting everything back where it was, they brought the game back into the main room and set it up on one of the pews. She took a seat on the floor next to it and used the seat as an arm rest. Taking the collection of black pieces, she spread them out on her side of the board in the proper places. He went first.

The beginning of the game was rather uneventful. He ended up being the one to take the first piece and after that, she tried harder. Her effort seemed to work and she was totally annihilating him after that. However, they didn't get to finish their game because the sound of screaming at the front door alerted them.

"Is that Gabriel?" he asked, shooting up.

Michonne already had Judith in the baby pack on her back. He went over to the door and tried to yank the blockade off, but it was no use. She glanced around, looking for anything to help, but it was Michonne that ended up finding an axe and using it to chop the wood off. Every splintering crack the wood moaned quickened her heartbeat and she drew her gun, ready for assistance.

With one final crack, the blockage broke and the doors flew open, revealing Gabriel and a horde of walkers following him. She fired at a few of them, killing them instantly. Michonne told them to stand back and she instantly fell back, letting the woman slice away at them with her sword. More piled in and that's when the woman seemed to realize that they weren't going to be able to handle all of them.

"Get to the back room!" she shouted.

Gabriel fled past them and she followed, slipping inside. She noticed a rather large hole in the floorboards and concluded that it was how Gabriel had gotten outside. When they were all inside, Judith was handed to Carl and they were motioned to go through the hole. Carl pushed her first and she didn't hesitate to start crawling as fast as possible. She waited on the outside, keeping watch until they were through. Gabriel came out last with a bloodied machete and she leaned back on her heels, taking a deep breath and ridding the fear and adrenaline from her system.

They didn't have much time to sit because Michonne wanted to lock the walkers inside and keep them from any danger. She did so quickly using her belt and soon enough they were out of danger for now. With a heavy sigh, she let her shoulders slump.

"Can we ever get a break?" she breathed, slightly annoyed that Gabriel had been the one to cause this.

"Guess not," Carl mumbled.

It didn't stop there. The sound of tires against the road echoed loudly from the front of the building. She immediately pressed herself against the side of the church and peered around the corner as best as she could. What looked like a fire truck was pulling into the driveway.

Michonne moved in front of her, taking control of the situation.

"It's...Abraham...and Glenn...and Maggie," she said, relaxing a little. "What are they doing back?"

Before they could go bursting through the front door, they quickly peeled out from behind the church.

"What happened?" Michonne asked, sheathing her sword and stepping forward.

Riley noticed that Eugene had decided to stay in the truck while everyone else came out. Abraham also looked more stoic than usual.

"Eugene he...he lied. There is no cure," Glenn explained.

...what?

Part of her expected that to be the truth, but not because Eugene lied. That had to explain why Abraham was acting the way he was.

"What happened here?" Maggie broke the silence that settled between them.

"My dad and everyone...they left to get Carol and Beth in Atlanta. And then Gabriel-"

"-wait Beth? They found her?"

"Yeah, but she got taken... They're trying to get her back."

"We have to go."

"Wait, Maggie!" Michonne shouted,quickly catching up before the woman could get all the way to the firetruck.

She shared a quick look with Carl. Everything was going so fast she could barely comprehend what was going on.

"I'm not waiting here. I'm going to go and help," she said firmly, opening up the door to the firetruck.

"Rick has a plan," Michonne tried, putting her hand on the woman's shoulder.

"I'm not asking you to come. I'm just saying that I'm going."

Riley raised her eyebrows and shrugged lightly. "Not like we can really go back inside," she supplied."

Michonne heaved a sigh, taking a glance back at them as Abraham, Rosita, and Glenn argued quietly among themselves.

"We'll come with you. It's better if we stick together," she finally decided.

Maggie nodded her head, a slightly grateful look on her face. She stepped aside to allow them to get aboard.

There wasn't enough room for everyone to have a seat, so she and Carl had to sit on the floor with Judith. It took a while for Abraham and Glenn to get in, probably because they were arguing about going, but eventually they got in and the ginger led the charge. With every bounce and swerve as they drove, she felt herself growing more and more anxious. The last time she had been to a city was at the very beginning of this and the whole place was overrun.

The entire drive itself wasn't very long. They had been much closer to Atlanta than she realized. It was hard to tell since maps were only so helpful and a large part of Georgia she didn't even know. When she found Carl, she had been way outside the boundaries of her geographic knowledge of the state. Most of the time when she had been with her previous group, she just followed and they led.

The truck rolled to a stop and she pressed her lips together, letting the others get out before she slowly stood. Before they could follow suit, Michonne stopped them.

"We're only going to be a few minutes. I want you guys to stay here and watch Judith."

She shot a look at Carl, to which he merely returned and nodded at her.

The woman gave them a small smile before retreating out of the truck. She shifted to the seat and took a look out the window, noting that they were in front of a hospital. If the place wasn't overrun, supplies in there would be life-saving.

Carl didn't speak to her, but instead tried to keep his little sister calm and quiet in case there were any walkers nearby. Looking out the window, she deduced that none were in the vicinity, but that didn't mean there wouldn't be.

The group approached the front entrance slowly. When they nearly reached it, the doors burst open. She was expecting walkers, but it wasn't. The rest of the group started to file out and it filled her with a rush of relief. Everyone seemed to be looking fine, but that was until Daryl came out last.

He carried a blonde girl in his arms, her bleeding head tucked into his chest and the rest of her body completely limp. Riley's heart dropped to the floor. Never once since she met Daryl had she seen him cry, but it was clear on his face that he couldn't handle the grief. Maggie saw her little sister and crumbled to the ground, her scream piercing through the metal door separating the two of them from everyone else.

She winced and squeezed her eyes shut. Never once had she met the girl, but the complete raw emotion radiating from the group penetrated her core. She couldn't even look anymore, it was too heartbreaking.

Slowly, she turned to face Carl and was surprised to see tears trickling down his cheeks. He actually knew her. It made sense for him to cry.

Little Judith sat quietly on the other side of him, playing with his thumb and not knowing the horror that was going on around her. It was sad and relieving at the same time, she wasn't sure which side of the spectrum it gravitated more toward.

She tried to catch his eye, but he simply kept his gaze firmly on his lap, his lips pursed. Swallowing thickly, she slowly reached across the gap between them and took his hand in hers. It wasn't the first time they held hands, but it was the first time that she really got to think about it.

His hand was warm and slightly calloused - bigger than hers by enough to make her hand look small compared to his. Even though rough patches covered his palm and finger tips, his skin was comforting and pleasant to the touch.

She lightly dragged the pad of her thumb across the back of his hand to try and soothe and comfort him. He responded to her touch and squeezed her hand weakly before lacing their fingers together like knots. In her surprise, he slowly leaned into her, resting his head against hers. She could feel the tears trickling into her hair and she bit her lip. He'd accommodated her when she was upset and drained from Terminus, and now it was her turn to do the same for him.

So she let him cry silently into her hair and held his hand while he collected himself. He didn't cry as long as she thought he would, but it was still enough to get everything out. They had a rough time and this just made it worse.

Rick appeared in the door, looking forlorn, and they abandoned the firetruck for a couple of cars that were more convenient. Not one of them spoke a single word as they got into the car and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Daryl putting Beth's body into the trunk of the second car.

The only word that clung to the air was despair.