Chapter 18: Never-ending
The days stretched on. Ever since that day that Beth had come out of that hospital dead, everything was different. Loss was a part of this life. Everyone experienced it and things happened all of the time, but this was different. A heavy weight hung on each of their shoulders and it brought everyone down. It wasn't uncommon for one of them to be shedding tears or keeping to themselves. Riley wasn't even sure what to make of this. She didn't even know Beth, but the sorrow affected her too, especially because it affected Carl and he was the one closest to her out of all of them.
At first, Carl leaned on her for support whenever he needed it. The loss had been fresh and he would often express his feelings to her and lean on her when he was feeling down. Sometimes, if she was feeling brave, she would lace their fingers together and try to tell him that they were going to get through it.
It was a bit awkward for her. She wasn't one for much physical contact, but he needed it and she was determined to help him like he helped her. The more he leaned on her shoulder and the more they held hands, the more she found that she actually sort of...liked it. She wasn't sure what to think about that, but because of the circumstances, she just...didn't think about it.
After they all regrouped at the hospital, they took the time to bury Maggie's sister before moving on. It took three cars for them all to fit. Finding them wasn't that hard since the woman running the hospital before, Dawn, kept a supply of them out back. She ended up in the car with Rick, Michonne, Carl, Glenn, and Maggie. The only destination they had was north, so north they went.
Signs sent them further and further to different states. Riley had never been out of Georgia before, so it was interesting each time they passed a welcome sign. Part of her wished she had some sort of camera to be able to take pictures, but luxuries like that weren't available. This world wasn't meant to be luxurious. It was what it was and survival was the only thing that was considered a luxury. They had to fight to survive every day.
She lost count of how many miles they traveled, but at this point it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that they were moving forward and getting closer to their destination.
Noah wanted to find his family and that's where they were headed. It was all the way in Virginia and as far as she knew, they were getting really close. Earlier today, they passed the "welcome to Virginia" sign, to which Rick said something about stopping and forming a plan soon. That seemed to be the case when they started to slow down.
Sitting up a bit straighter, she unbuckled and stretched, looking over at Carl and gently shaking his shoulder. He had been snoozing, probably for the first time in a few days. Tensions had been high and all of them found it hard to sleep on the run.
His eyes fluttered open and he looked around, finally catching sight of his father looking back at them. He had slid down in his seat a little, so he sat up, blinking the sleep from his face and freeing himself from the seat belt.
"We're getting out. Have to work out who's going and who's staying," Rick said, opening up the door.
Glenn and Maggie followed suit and she slipped forward, sliding out of the car and onto the pavement. The hot sun blinded her and she staggered for a moment, lifting her arm to block the sun out as she made her way over to the group of them that began to form as everyone got out of their cars. Carl followed suit, though more slowly. Probably because he had just woken from his sleep and wasn't quite there.
"We're getting close," Rick started, "I want us to find a place to stay for the night. Somewhere where everyone else can stay while we're with Noah. I need a handful of you to stay behind and a handful to come with."
Riley stayed quiet. At this point, she would do whatever was necessary, but she would rather stay behind and try to catch her breath.
Glenn and Michonne were the first to volunteer to go. Maggie wanted to go as well, but Glenn insisted she stay behind just this once. Probably because of Beth's death and the toll it still had on the woman. She agreed with him after a little hesitation and then Tyreese stepped forward to be the last one joining them.
This seemed to satisfy Rick because he agreed with the choices and then rounded everyone back up into the cars so they could find a place to stay. Judith was awake through the rest of the car ride and spent it cooing and gurgling in delight. Everything was at peace in her world. She got her food and was safe at the moment, not having to deal with thoughts running rampant and the experience of loss.
Their short drive brought them to a small rest stop off the main road. It was small, with not much around it besides dead bushes and benches that had once been part of a beautiful little area.
The building sat in the middle with a parking lot all around it. A few cars littered the lot, but otherwise it was clear. Most of them waited in the car until Daryl and Rick had completed a sweep of the place. They had run into a little trouble because they hauled two corpses out of the building when they were done, but it was now safe enough for them to hunker down for the night.
Gathering the small essentials she carried, she got out of the car once more and made her way to the place where everyone was gathering. Rick and his small group were saying their goodbyes for now since they were to be heading to this place of Noah's now. She hung in the back, not really close enough with anyone to exchange words with them before they left.
The loved ones embraced, whispering words of wisdom and love. It made her feel slightly alone, but that feeling had settled in her heart ever since she lost her parents. After all this time, the only one who ever came close to making her feel less lonely was Carl; but he filled the void in a slightly different way that she couldn't quite put her finger on.
However, to her surprised, Glenn caught her eye. She remained stationary where she was, but this didn't stop him. After he had finished hugging his wife, he slipped over to her, smiling softly and putting his hands on her shoulders. It surprised her so much that she nearly flinched, but she restrained from doing so. She didn't want to give him the wrong idea because she was genuinely interested in what he wanted to say to her.
"You think you can keep an eye on Maggie for me?" he asked, glancing back at her. She seemed to hear them and the smallest of smiles touched her lips. It was the first smile on that woman's face since her sister's death.
"You want...me to look after her?" Riley clarified with a lifted eyebrow.
Why her? Why not one of the other adults? After all, Rick still treated them like kids for the most part. They got their freedom and the ability to make choices, but typically, he seemed to accept help and ideas more from the adults. She understood why, but it was still frustrating when she wanted to do her part.
"Yes. You."
"Why me? Why not Sasha or Carol? Daryl?" So many other options besides her.
"Because I trust you."
Her breath hitched. Trust was a huge thing. She knew that because she herself had trouble trusting others. So him saying he trusted her after only knowing her for a few weeks was a big deal. It made her feel like she was finally integrating herself into this group and that she wasn't only connected with Carl.
"Okay," she agreed. "I can do that."
His lips pressed together and his eyes conveyed his gratitude. "Thank you."
Patting her shoulder affectionately, he turned to say one last goodbye to Maggie before joining Rick and the others. They headed to the car and she watched them until they were completely out of sight. She now had a job to do and it made her more focused.
"We should set up a place to stay inside and secure it," she suggested.
Daryl nodded in agreement. "Me and Carol can look for supplies. N' the rest of you can get settled."
Adjusting the bag on her shoulder, she lowered her gaze to her feet and started to walk to the building. Inside, it was fairly untouched. The main room branched off to a small area in the back with vending machines that were empty and looted. In the hall leading up to it were the bathrooms and a closet full of cleaning supplies. The best place to settle down would probably be in the back by the vending machines, but when she brought up the idea, Maggie told her that the hall and main entrance was probably the best way to go since it would give them multiple escape routes if anything happened.
So while Daryl and Carol searched the rooms and grounds around the place for supplies, the rest of them began to make a comfortable place to sleep in the main entrance. On the benches there were cushions and they were able to round those up, but it wasn't enough for all of them.
The closet full of cleaning supplies held some clothes and various towels, which was enough of a barrier to give them the slightest bit of cushion from the hard ground.
Once those were laid out, it took all of their efforts to block off the back door. They used the benches and vending machines to reinforce the barrier. But the kept the front door clear since the others were coming back. When they were back, they could block off the front door for the night and settle down.
For the first time in days, she actually felt useful. It was nice to be moving forward and even though the mood was still low, there was something else in the air that seemed to motivate everyone.
While Carl fed Judith, Riley decided to go to the bathroom and try to clean up a little bit. The sink had no water, obviously, but she could change into a fresh pair of clothes and try to untangle the mess of hair on her head with the brush she found on their last scavenge. It would be nice if she could actually wash up, but there weren't any rivers nearby and it wouldn't be the longest time she went without a wash.
The girl's bathroom seemed empty when she got inside, so she just headed to one of the stalls and quickly changed her clothes. Her last set of clothes had been muddy and bloody, but this pair was much cleaner. It was a nice blue tank top with a pair of dark jeans. There were stains all over the jeans, but that was because cleaning clothes in the river didn't really get out all the blood left behind.
Feeling more satisfied, she tucked the dirty clothes under her arm and exited the stall. Maggie stood in front of one of the mirrors, staring blankly at her reflection. She wasn't sure what to say, so she neared the mirror next to hers, taking a look at herself in the cracked glass.
Her ebony hair seemed longer and more knotted than ever before. Dirt and sweat clung to it and made it look slick and dead. Her face was rather dirty as well, with patches of mud tracing her cheeks and neck. Dark spots circled her eyes, indicating lack of sleep, and her expression was fatigued. Overall, she looked awful.
Taking her old dirty clothes, she wiped off her face, effectively clearing it of the dirt and mud residing there. Since she couldn't do anything about the dark circles under her eyes, she moved onto her hair. She used the brush she brought with her, tugging through the knots and tangles. It hurt pretty badly, especially with the larger knots, but she soon had it brushed out and looking much better and cleaner than before.
She glanced over at Maggie, who hadn't moved an inch from her spot. Pursing her lips, she hesitantly held out the brush to her. It seemed to get her attention because she looked down at it for a long moment before taking it and starting to slowly brush her own hair. However, the action seemed to do no good at comforting her because the tears started to form in her eyes and escaped onto her cheeks.
At first, Riley didn't really know what to do. She wasn't the best at comforting, even with Carl. Allowing him the small amounts of physical contact was only because she trusted him and was closer to him than any of the others. It wasn't that she didn't trust Maggie, but they weren't that close, which made it hard to figure out what was acceptable and what wasn't. Situations like these really made her head spin and she wished that she even knew what to say to comfort her. What would she want said to her?
She thought long and hard, a bit of emotion swelling up in her chest as she thought of the situations in the past where she lost people close to her - lost family. There was nothing to do to change it, but the memories would always stay forever.
"You...can't change what happened," she murmured, gripping the edge of the sink tightly. "But you can...remember her. The happy times, the sad times... Don't forget any of it. And remember that she died loving you and knowing that you loved her."
The woman turned her tear-filled gaze slowly to her. She opened her mouth to speak, lip quivering. "T-thank you."
She nodded slightly, glad that she said something that could help, even if it was only for the moment. Maggie wiped the tears away and drew in a shaky breath, turning. The two of them retreated from the bathroom and joined the rest of the group. It was mostly quite among everyone, but it wasn't tense like earlier.
As the day trudged on, all of them started to get more anxious when there was no sign of return. Carol did get a few messages every now and then on her walkie talkie, but at one point, the radio silence became deafening. She tried to focus on other things, but it was near impossible. The others were making small talk every now and then, but she couldn't quite get in on the conversation.
After having enough of this, she stood, declaring, "I'm going outside for some air."
Carl stood after her. "I'll come."
She shook her head. "No it's fine. I'll just be outside. I have my gun. I just...need a second."
Everyone looked between each other, not quite sure if they should just let her go like that, but she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Not once since she joined this group had she had a bit of alone time and she needed to walk around and release the pent up anxiety in her system.
Without waiting for them to approve, she slipped out the front door. The sky was starting to get dark, but it was still light enough that she didn't really have to worry. She was glad to see that they hadn't tried to follow her out, but a couple of them were watching from the window of the door as she took a moment to walk on the sidewalk that wrapped around the building.
Moving seemed to recharge her and calm her body. It was what she was used to doing and being pent up in a car to travel just restricted her. She was grateful that they did have a car for traveling such long distances, but she still needed to walk and use up her stamina that was built up from brutal surviving.
She walked around the complex a few times, but it soon got boring and she itched to see what was in the surrounding woods. Probably not the best idea to go exploring, but they could always use food and water and if she could find something...
Deciding that going into the woods for a short time would be alright, she diverged from the sidewalk and crossed the parking lot to the woods. Everything seemed very quiet, which was a red flag. She pulled her knife from her belt loop and kept alert. It was a good thing she had because a walker stumbled quietly through the brush up ahead. She wouldn't have even heard it if she hadn't been paying attention.
Quietly, she slipped closer, adjusting her grip on the knife and readying herself. Most of the time, she had to kick its leg down to get it at a lower level, but over the past few weeks she had grown a bit taller. Not much, but enough that she could reach and grab the collar of its shirt and pull its head down to stab it. So that's exactly what she did. It was uneventful and the monster died in a gurgling mess at her feet.
Wiping the blood off her knife, she continued forward. No animals were around, but she did see some mud, which was a telltale sign of water. Following the mud, the trees soon split and a very large pond appeared. This had to be her best finding yet and she was eager to go back and reveal her secret to the others. First, she decided that getting a drink would be the best, as they had been pretty low on water the past few days and she was thirsty enough to want some right then.
Bending down, she reached into the pool of water and skimmed just a little bit below the surface. The water was still warm from the heat of the day, but it still tasted divine. In all her eagerness to get her fill of water, she hadn't clearly checked her surroundings, and that was her downfall.
A loud growling reached her ears and she spun, effectively falling into the shallow part of the pond. The walker behind her lunged, pushing her further into the water. Beyond the shallow edge was a drop off into the deep water and the weight of them combined sent them plummeting to the bottom. She didn't even get a chance to take a breath so she was already running out of oxygen and her struggling and panic sent her blood rushing faster.
She was going to drown with a walker pinning her to the bottom of a pond and once she died, it would feast on her and taint the water for everyone else. In the darkness of the water, she couldn't see anything but the walker as it snapped in front of her face and trapped her legs to the sandy bottom. She held onto its wrists, wrestling it off her enough to free her legs. The only problem would be swimming away before it could latch its teeth into her. She couldn't reach her knife and she had to force herself to keep her mouth shut because her body yearned for air.
Something latched onto the walker's shirt and pulled it back away from her. Taking the opportunity, she swam upwards, meeting the face of Carl. He let go of the walker and grabbed onto her arm. Together, they swam to the top, leaving the walker sinking to the bottom.
When her head hit the surface, she gasped loudly, sucking in air so fast that it made her dizzy. She hauled herself onto shore, breathing heavily as she tried to calm herself and not visibly shake.
"W-what the hell do you think you were d-doing?" Carl panted, his hair sticking to his face. "You almost died!"
Riley tried to speak, but she was too out of breath to say anything. Turns out she didn't need to say anything because he wasn't finished. In fact, he quite literally lunged at her before speaking again.
"Don't ever do that to me again," he murmured, squeezing her tightly to his chest and burying his face in her shoulder.
Her breaths came out ragged and she rested her chin on his shoulder, relaxing into his hold as he gripped her shirt tightly. "I'm f-fine."
"You scared me," he breathed.
"I'm s-sorry."
The two of them sat there together for several moments, holding each other tightly as they shook and trembled, from a combination of the chilly water and the scary circumstance. They only pulled away when they heard the sound of an engine. That had to mean the others were back.
Exchanging a quick glance, they got to their feet and swiftly made their way back the way they came. Sure enough, the car Rick and the others took pulled into the parking lot. Both of them were soaked, but they didn't quite care. The others had poured outside, greeting the return of their loved ones. Maggie and Glenn embraced, but Tyreese was no where to be seen. Sasha noticed this and Rick approached.
"Tyreese is gone," he muttered, looking down at the ground.
Sasha remained frozen in shock and everything went deathly silent.
"He...got bit. We brought him back...figured it would be nicer to bury him here," he explained.
His sister tried to stay strong, but her resolve failed and her chin wobbled as tears spilled onto her cheeks.
How many more people were they going to lose?
She had almost been lost...that would have made two people in one day. How could this have happened?
These vicious thoughts ran through her head as they pulled Tyreese's corpse out of the car and chose a spot to dig the hole. She stayed in the same spot, watching from a small distance until everything was ready and it was time for Gabriel to perform a small ceremony. Most of the words went over her head and she stared blankly at the grave as they started to spill dirt onto him. Out of respect, she did her piece, but she didn't really want to. First Beth and now Tyreese? It hurt more with Tyreese because she knew him more than Beth.
The rest of the night was long and all she could think about was the never-ending count of bodies as she shut her eyes to go to sleep.
