Chapter 25: Make It Through
The night went by rather smoothly. Once everyone was settled in, Rick took her and Carl down to Denise to stitch up her wound. It was pretty painful, but she dealt with it as best as she could until it was over. A total of fifteen stitches were sewn into her skin. Denise was surprised that it bled as little as it did, but it no major arteries were sliced so that was a possible explanation.
After that, they headed back to the house and went to sleep. It was difficult for her that night, mainly because of everything that went on, and she stayed awake for some time. She didn't like being alone at the time, but she pushed through it and eventually fell asleep after she cleared her brain with some more writing in the journal she found. Once her mind was quiet, it was much easier for her to settle down and she fell asleep within minutes.
She woke slightly late the next morning, but not too late to miss breakfast. As soon as she woke, she could smell the oatmeal steaming all the way from the kitchen. She got out of bed and decided to take a quick shower before she headed downstairs to join the others. Yesterday left her pretty grimy and she could do with a good wash. It was slightly difficult to keep her stitched arm out of the stream of water, but she managed.
Once she was dried and dressed, she headed down the stairs, her boots clacking lightly against the wood as she made her way to the kitchen. Michonne was nowhere to be seen so she must have gone out already. Rick had Judith in one arm and a spoon in the other as he prepared breakfast whereas Carl sat at the island counter, reading over a comic book of some sort. When she entered, she gave them a small smile in greeting and then took a spot next to Carl, sighing gently as she rested her arms on the table.
Her eyes swept over her hands and she pressed her lips together, trying not to think about what she'd done with those hands yesterday to those men. Carl must've spotted her in deep thought because a nudge to her leg brought her out of her thoughts and she looked over at him. He merely flashed her a gentle smile before returning to his comic, which she could now see was a Spiderman comic.
"So, I was thinkin'," Rick started, taking the oatmeal off the stove and putting it into a bowl, "you two might want to tag along after breakfast to help me teach Ron to shoot."
She raised an eyebrow, resting her head on her hand. "Ron wants to learn to shoot?"
"Yeah. I think he was afraid for his mom. One of the bandits got into their house yesterday. Jesse had to kill him."
Carl closed his comic, reaching for the big bowl of oatmeal and spooning some into a smaller bowl that was resting beside it. "Sure. The more people that know how to defend themselves, the better."
She nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah... I'll come."
Her fingers ran lightly over her stitched arm as she waited for Carl to finish up with the oatmeal. Once he was done, she filled her own bowl, though with a little less since she wasn't starving. Yesterday stole a good bit of her appetite.
Rick sat down next to Carl with Judith to his right and the four of them ate quietly with a few bits of conversation here and there. As soon as they were done, they cleaned up and brought Judith over to Carol's until they got back. Just in case. After what happened yesterday, none of them could be careful enough.
Outside of Jesse's house, Ron sat on the porch steps, watching them as they approached. He didn't say anything until they stopped in front and his comments were directed at Rick only. Seemed like he had some sort of bone to pick with her and Carl. She wasn't quite sure why, but she wasn't going to ask.
They gathered by the fence at one of the garden tables, Rick taking out a gun for Ron to use. She leaned against the table, watching intently as Ron was showed the basic parts of the gun and what they did. All stuff he should have known by now but didn't because of how sheltered this pace was before they arrived.
"Someone's in front of you and they have a gun," Rick started, gesturing to the space in front of him.
"You're gonna be scared," Carl added, looking Ron in the eye. "You will be."
She nodded slightly to confirm, knowing the feeling of first handling a gun and the first time she had to defend herself.
"Your body's gonna tense. You won't have time to think. You're just gonna want to pull the trigger when you get it in front of you." Rick raised the gun rapidly and pulled the trigger, which only resulted in a click since the magazine was empty. "But you'll miss. And you'll be dead. You have to get it up to your eye."
"Gotta be strong enough to wait for your bullet," Carl tacked on, leaving Ron speechless.
"But don't wait too long. Find the sweetspot between waiting and firing," she chipped in, trying to read his rather blank expression.
After a moment of silence, Ron asked to hold the gun, to which Rick obliged. The boy took the gun and got into a stance, bringing the gun up to eye level. She immediately noticed his finger was already on the trigger, but so did Rick and he pointed that out. She shared a glance with Carl as Ron breathed and then pulled the trigger as if he was shooting something or someone.
A shiver ran down her spine and she suddenly got a bad feeling at this strange glint she saw in his eye, but it was gone before she could detect what it was. Still, it made her feel slightly uncomfortable, though she tried not to show it.
Ron seemed eager to want to actually shoot and asked about shooting the walkers or maybe even target practice. Rick shot down the first idea and the second one Ron quickly dismissed when he realized it would be a waste of bullets.
"I...just want to learn more," he explained, almost as an apology for seeming too eager.
"You will," Carl promised with a nod.
"The time will come," she agreed, looking over her shoulder at the wall where the walkers were growling.
"Yeah well...thanks. I should...probably get back to my mom. See if she's okay." Ron juggled the gun in his hands for a minute before slipping it into his pants.
And just like that, he was gone. Rick seemed a little concerned, but didn't make a comment as he collected the other guns on the table.
"Hey I'm...I think I'm gonna go and see Maggie. I'll catch up to you later, okay?" she said suddenly, feeling a slight protective urge.
"Alright. Don't be too long." Carl reached out to take her hand briefly, which caused her face to burn under Rick's watchful gaze.
"I won't," she assured, returning the squeeze before parting and heading down the street at a quick pace.
On the way, she noticed a small group of the Alexandrians in the grass with Rosita among them. Each of them held a knife in their hand except for Eugene, who merely stood still in the grass, not moving or saying a word while the others were taught how to use their knives and machetes. She stood for a moment, watching curiously. It seemed like Rosita was getting fed up with Eugene's passiveness because she grabbed a machete from the bin and slapped two together behind him, startling him instantly.
Eugene tried to make an excuse for her not to scare him, but Rosita dismissed it. No one had noticed her yet so she inched a little closer to try and hear exactly what they were saying.
"What are you so scared of?" Rosita demanded, studying his face.
Eugene looked away for a moment, gulping as he answered, "that would be dying."
"Dying is simple. It all just stops. You're dead. The people around you dying...that's the hard part."
Riley swallowed thickly, nodding slightly to herself. It was true. She'd much rather herself die than those around her. Because then the pain for her would be over. But the people she cared about now...when they died, it hurt so painfully, like a saw cutting her heart right out. Anything she could do to protect them, she would. That's what Rosita was trying to teach Eugene.
"Cause you keep living, knowing that they're gone and you're still here. What you should be scared of is living. Knowing that you didn't do everything you could to keep them here... Too upset to keep going?" she mocked. "Are the noises scaring you? Or can I get back to my lesson?"
He couldn't seem to take this anymore. Finally, he turned away, his chin quivering as he quickly skirted past her. Rosita caught her eye for a moment before turning back to the others, gripping her machete a lot more tightly than before. She understood what Rosita was trying to teach him and she was completely right. But part of her still felt sorry for Eugene. He was the biggest coward she'd ever met and he didn't know how to overcome that fear.
The lesson resumed and she decided she was going to make a little detour before she went to go see Maggie. So she turned on her heel and hurried off in the direction that Eugene had gone, spotting him heading toward one of the outlooks by the gate.
"Eugene!" she called out to him, quickening her pace to catch up.
He turned slightly, looking a bit surprised as she caught up with him.
"...hi there," he greeted with a quivering chin and shaky voice. "Is my assistance needed?"
"No, no I just... I saw what happened back there."
He tensed up a bit and then turned, continuing to walk. "Well it was unfortunate you had to see that."
"Hey it's... Look I know what it's like to be scared. Maybe not as much as you, but everyone gets scared. If you learn to protect yourself, you don't have to die. You don't have to watch everyone around you die. What if it was Abraham? Or Tara? And you were the only one to keep them from dying. What would you do then?"
"I don't..."
"No, you do. Because one day, it will happen. So I'm going to show you how to do that. Not in front of everyone. Somewhere where no one has to watch."
"I'm not comfortable... I-I... You're going to teach a coward like me?"
"Yeah. Just because you're a coward doesn't mean you can't learn. Now come on, I'll show you how to use a knife today and maybe in a few days we'll graduate you to guns."
He seemed rather uncomfortable with the thought, but she didn't give him a chance to run away and grabbed his wrist before he could go. She decided that the best place to go would be under a cluster of trees near the pond, so she headed that way, not letting Eugene go for a second.
Once they reached the trees, she let go of him and then sat cross-legged in the dirt, motioning for him to do the same. He gave her a slightly weird and scared look before settling down awkwardly across from her, his larger frame preventing him from getting completely comfortable. She took out her knife from her belt and sat it down in the dirt patch between them. It was a decent knife, not bigger than six inches, but enough to get the job done when she had to.
"Have you ever killed a walker before?" she asked, glancing up at him.
"Y-yes," he answered, avoiding her gaze.
"Okay, good start. With what?"
"...a high-powered pressure hose used to extinguish fires."
A...what? Did he mean a fire hose?
"Uh..okay not gonna even ask, but...at least you've killed one before. Ever use a knife to kill one?"
He shook his head.
"Alright. Well... This is a knife, obviously. Personally I think the best weapon for killing walkers up close. They don't easily get stuck in the skull like an axe or machete."
He winced at this and she nearly rolled her eyes, but quickly remembered that Rosita's harsh words seemed to do more harm than good.
"It doesn't matter if the blade is facing up by your thumb or down by your pinky when you hold it. Whatever feels the most natural and is the most effective in the moment is what you do. So go ahead and pick it up." She gestured to the knife and waited for him to get the nerve.
It took him a minute of eyeing it before he finally picked it up, his hand awkwardly holding it with the blade poking upwards. He stared at it, seemingly getting lost in some sort of scary thoughts because his eyes got larger as he stared at the blade.
"Don't think about the walkers right now. Just think about the weapon in your hand and what you have to do with it. You can do a quick jab or slice, but jabs usually work better. Get used to the weight and try jabbing when you're ready."
He shook slightly as she explained the ways to stab a walker in the head, but didn't drop the knife. That was a good start. She waited patiently, watching him carefully. It seemed like he wasn't even going to try when he suddenly jabbed the knife forward albeit slowly. Her eyes lit up and she smiled at him.
"See? Not so bad, right? Try a few more times and then we can be done," she said, knowing that this in itself was a lot for him and he'd probably need to do baby steps.
"O-okay," he agreed, adjusting his shaky grip on the knife.
The next few times he tried seemed to be much easier for him and it would continue to get gradually easier if they kept this up until he was comfortable protecting himself and others. When they were done, she took her knife back and gave him a warm smile, which he returned.
"We can work more tomorrow. Same time, same place. I gotta go find Maggie. Why don't you go brag to Tara about your new skills," she suggested jokingly.
"A-actually I was... I'd rather no one know about this just yet," Eugene stuttered.
"Yeah sure. My lips are sealed. I'll see you later, okay?"
She gave him a small wave before heading toward the fence where she knew Maggie was stationed. A glance behind her shoulder revealed that Eugene was in fact going over to see Tara and she smiled slightly. He needed a lot of work, but she had a feeling he could get there if he tried.
As she passed the gate, she noticed that a few people had gathered. And more importantly, Maggie was literally running over to them.
"It's Glenn!" she shouted, eyes locked up on something in the sky, which made her turn to see what it was.
A small bundle of green balloons drifted slowly into the atmosphere. Her heart skipped a beat and she barely saw Maggie stop right next to her before the woman barrelled her into a hug.
"It's Glenn. It's him," Maggie breathed, her lips breaking into a smile.
Riley couldn't help but smile as well at the the revelation. The topic weighed heavily on her the day before and she was even just going to talk to Maggie about how she was feeling, but the need to do so evaporated now that they knew he was alive and wanted to get to them.
However, their moment of happiness was cut short when a loud crack echoed throughout the town. Her eyes snapped up to the tall tower just outside the gates as it suddenly collapsed onto the fence, leaving a gaping hole in its wake for the walkers to come barging in. Everything seemed to speed up and her brain couldn't process what was going on.
It was only when Rick shouted for them to get inside that she finally realized a walker was headed straight for her. She turned, trying to locate where Maggie had disappeared to but she was gone. The woman had been at her side merely seconds ago and she disappeared. She did spot Carl though and didn't have any second thoughts of running to him.
As she ran, she pulled her knife out, taking a glance back to see the others following behind. She could barely breathe but she couldn't stop. All they had to do was get inside somewhere and figure out the rest when they were safe.
Jesse screamed for them to come inside and she didn't hesitate to move. Carl kept in pace with her as they bolted inside and the others trailed behind. When they were inside, Deanna was rushed upstairs because of her leg injury and Rick was shouting things left and right while demanding that she and Carl go and check on Judith and keep her quiet. Things rushed by in such a blur she could barely think straight.
Ron shoved by her and she sent him a scowl, but her main focus was Judith as her crying screams would alert the walkers. Carl scooped her up immediately and started to rock her gently until her crying died down to just tears. Her chin wobbled gently but she didn't make anymore noises and just stared at her big brother's face.
"Hey you two," Michonne's voice broke the silence.
She turned slightly, looking over her shoulder at the woman standing in the doorway. "Yeah?"
"I just wanted to let you know that... Deanna...she's bit."
Her breath hitched and the room filled with tension. Judith sensed this and started to sniffle again, but Carl was quick to try and calm her.
"Okay... Thanks," he responded, chest deflating as he let out a breath.
Even though Rick had more or less been the leader of this place since they'd gotten here, Deanna was the true leader and now she was going to die. She hadn't been close at all to the woman, but it was the symbol of a leader's demise that really struck the situation down.
"Hey do you think you can hold her for a minute? I'm gonna see if there's any formula in the fridge," he commented, peering at her with his brilliant blue eyes that were now full of sorrow.
"Yeah, yeah sure," she agreed, reaching over to take her from him.
"I'll be right back."
Cradling Judith in her arms, she took a seat on the chair and bounced the little girl on her lap. She seemed much more relaxed now and actually had a small smile on her face every time she went up in the bounce. She also took to playing with her hair whenever possible since it was so long and within her reach.
A loud shattering of glass suddenly reached her ears and her eyes jumped up to Rick in the hallway, who immediately started sprinting down the stairs. She jumped to her feet, putting Judith on her hip and looking out of the doorway.
"Carl! Open the door!"
Rick's voice sent her heart sprinting in panic and Michonne took hold of Judith in that moment, giving her the freedom to practically jump down the whole flight of stairs to help. Rick and Jesse were at the garage door, screaming for Carl and Ron to open up while things shattered and clanged on the other side.
"Carl!" she shouted, eyes wide as Rick pulled the hatchet from his jeans and started slamming it against the door.
Walker growls were soon added into the mix and she couldn't wait the agonizing few minutes it took for Rick to break the door open. As soon as it was open, she rushed forward through the crack, nausea rising to her throat at the thought of something happening to Carl, but he was up on his own two feet, trying to get something to block the door from the walkers.
She latched onto his arm, pulling him from the door to inside where Rick was ushering a couch over to the door. The walkers broke through just as they slammed he couch against the door. Not enough to keep it steady.
Instincts took over and she rushed to another room, grabbing the coffee table from the living room and hulking it over to the door just as she heard Jesse mention something about fighting... Were Carl and Ron fighting? She didn't even have time to ask or even check on Carl because he was heading up the stairs. Rick looked at Jesse warily and then gave her a look and motioned for her to follow and make sure everything was alright.
Riley's heart was still pounding a mile a minute and she felt so shaky and jittery that she could barely stay on her feet to make it up the stairs, but she forced her way through it. The only door that wasn't closed before was now closed and she opened it up, eyes widening when she saw Carl with his gun trained on Ron.
"What the hell?" she breathed, pressing the door closed behind her with her back.
"You should have stayed downstairs," Carl panted, sparing her a glance.
"I think I'm glad I didn't," she retorted, eying the gun in Ron's hand as well.
She was promptly ignored, which made her more irritated and flustered.
"Give me the gun now," Carl demanded.
Ron hesitated before slowly handing it over.
"Look man, I get it. My dad killed your dad, but you need to know something. Your dad was an asshole."
Her mind was swirling and she took a step between the boys, forcing them to put their attention on her.
"You're gonna tell me what the hell just happened and you're gonna tell me now," she growled, voice low and serious.
The two of them looked at each other for a moment, still panting and breathing heavily, trying to decide who was going to spill first. She trusted Carl more because she knew that he would tell her the truth. Ron was still someone she had a bit of a problem with. There was just something wrong with him.
"He...pulled a gun on me. Tried to shoot me," Carl said after a moment, looking down at her.
The fear that had still been flooding in her system quickly turned to disbelief and then anger in the blink of an eye. Fire crawled through her veins and she shot Ron a look and he gritted his teeth, giving her a glare.
"Are you...," she couldn't even finish and her hands clenched into fists.
She lunged at him, though Carl grabbed onto her before she could get close. He was probably expecting her to lash out, which was why he didn't want her to know, but at this point, she was beyond pissed. How dare he. How dare he do that to someone who literally saved him earlier. Someone who had actually been a friend to them when they arrived here.
"It's not worth it... Riley please. We have to make sure the house is secure," Carl murmured, his breath tickling her hair.
How could he just...be like that? She knew that she should just let it go, but when someone tried to hurt someone she cared about...all bets were off. Taking a deep breath, she glowered at Ron and nodded slowly, though she had no intentions of letting him go without a piece of her mind.
As soon as Carl let go of her arm and turned to open the door, she strode across the room and punched Ron so hard in the face that he tumbled to the floor. Pain shot up her hand, as she had never really punched anyone before so she didn't know how to do it properly, but she ignored it and shot daggers at him on the floor.
It was almost as if all of her anger rocketed out of her fist and onto his face and man did it feel good.
"Listen, asshole," she spat, shoving Carl's hand off her shoulder and kneeling down in front of him as he cradled his jaw. "You have no right, no damn right to do that to him. Not now, not ever. He saved your whiny ass today and this is what you try to do? You try that again and you better be praying I don't kill you before the walkers do."
He stared at her silently, clenching his jaw and rubbing it with his fingers. Rolling her shoulders, she got to her feet, shakily exhaling the angry energy as it stung her lungs. Her eyes were still growling like wolves, but she turned away from him and strode toward the door, opening it up and brushing past Carl. The others were gathered by the window but she didn't pay them any mind, striding to another empty room and shutting the door behind herself. She couldn't be with them right now; she was too angry.
Riley began to pace back and forth across the room. Beads of sweat rolled down her skin and she clenched and unclenched her fists. Gosh, she had been so afraid of something happening to him when she heard Rick screaming for him and then Ron flat out tried to shoot him down.
Her mind was raging with these thoughts and they were suffocating. The door opened and she paused, looking up to see Carl moseying his way inside. He stopped in front of her and she drew in a deep breath, feeling some of her anger ebb away as they looked at each other.
"I was...scared something happened to you," she murmured, closing her eyes for a moment.
"I'm stronger than that. You know I'm stronger than that," he replied, adjusting his hat.
"I know, I know, I just...I can't see you get hurt. I feel...responsible in some weird way. It's stupid, I just..."
"It's okay, I get it... I don't want anything happening to you either. I...I probably would've done the same thing."
She looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Then why are you telling me that you're stronger than that?"
"Because I..." He sighed gently, looking down at the floor. "I don't want you to risk your life to try and save mine. I can't see you die."
His unspoken words spoke clearer than his spoken ones. You're my weakness.
Her breaths ceased and the world around her started to spin. They were the words she had wanted to say but couldn't even say.
"Riley...?"
A shout interrupted them and she snapped back into reality. Their deep conversation didn't get a chance to resume because they were headed out the door to see what the commotion was.
The walkers had broken through the doors and heading their way. Swearing under her breath, she darted up the stairs as per Rick's command and tried to focus on what was going on now and not what she and Carl had just been talking about mere moments ago. As soon as they were upstairs, she started to look out the windows, trying to think of a way they could get out of here safely, but she wasn't coming up with anything.
"Everyone get in here!" Rick whisper-shouted as he hurried up the stairs with a walker slung over his shoulder.
Doing as they were told, they gathered in the main bedroom with two dead walkers waiting for them on the floor.
"We're gonna cover ourselves in their smell, walk right through them. I've done it before," Rick explained, gutting one of the dead. "Riley, start cutting holes in those sheets!"
The stench hit her hard and she brought a hand to her nose, nodding lightly and trying not to breathe too deeply. Moving across the room, she grabbed the stack of sheets and pulled out her knife, using it to cut holes for the arms and head. She made quick work and handed out the finished ones to everyone waiting in a circle. With all but one of the sheets on a body, she hung back, watching the process of guts and gristle being torn out of the stomachs of the dead.
When Rick was certain that they had enough, they each took turns grabbing some and slathering it all over themselves and the others. Mid-process, Sam came stuttering into the scene, clearly confused and terrified by what they were doing. It may not be easy for him, but they had to do this and now was a great time to learn, it seemed.
They gathered at the top of the stairs and she looked over the banister, seeing that the walkers had filled the first floor of the house.
"You ready?" Michonne asked.
"Yeah... I'm ready," she responded, glancing down at the gore all over her body.
She received a pat on her shoulder and they all filed in line, Rick going first, followed by Carl and Judith, then her and the others.
"We'll make it through, okay?" she heard Carl mutter to her as they started down the stairs and she squeezed his hand to let him know she heard.
They were going to make it through this. They had to.
A/N: Here's a nice long one for you! :D Sorry it's a day late! I had the chapter finished last night I just didn't have the time to post it so I figured I'd post it today! Before I say anything else, you have no idea, no freaking idea, how excited and happy I am that you guys are reading this. We just hit 100 reviews for this story and I'm absolutely floored and so incredibly grateful for all of your support! Thank you SOOOO much guys, it means so much that you love the story so much! I also want to give a huge shout out to my 100th reviewer, shyreader18! Thank you so much! I really want to do something for you guys to thank you for the support, but I'm not sure what to do! The only ideas I have would be a sketch of Riley or a oneshot of her and Carl of some sort but I'm not sure what I'd even do for that so suggestions for that or for any other ideas would be appreciated!
I had to get a good punch for Ron from Riley in this chapter, it was too satisfying haha xD Emotions are running pretty high in this chapter, but I assure you that they're only gonna get worse in the next chapter! Anyone caught up with the show knows exactly what I'm talking about ;) So brace yourselves, it's gonna be a tough one!
Anyway, again I cannot thank you enough for the amazing support you guys provide and I love you all! :)
P.S. Poll for whether or not I should get a Twitter for this story for additional content is still up on my profile! Vote if you haven't already :)
