Chapter 28: Old Bonds
The rest of that night, Riley had stayed by herself in the bedroom until she fell asleep and the next few days, she avoided Carl as much as possible. Of course, she couldn't completely avoid him - she was too worried about him for that. But every time she did see him, he was distant and quiet. She wished she could do something to help. However, her attempts at conversation usually fell short and he didn't say much when she entered. Once in a while, she'd take his hand and he'd respond by rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand, but otherwise, it was really quiet and a bit strained between them.
When she wasn't with him on the few occasions, she was with Glenn and Maggie or Eugene. Sometimes she would be with Rick and Michonne, but they were rather busy trying to get everything in the community cleaned up and secure again. She had gone over some more fighting tactics with Eugene and he was starting to pick them up quickly. When she was with Glenn and Maggie, it was mostly just talking and spending time in each other's presence. She would also often go out to the broken wall with them to help fix it and it kept her mind of things.
Things were moving slowly and while she was grateful of that, some of the other things she wished wouldn't move so slowly. She wanted Carl to recover sooner rather than later, but Denise said that because of his concussion, he needed to stay in bed for a while. At least a week more to be exact and then after that he could only do light activities. The wound on his face was apparently not too bad and would likely heal within the span of a month. She hadn't yet seen it since that night but part of her didn't want to.
Riley just wished he would talk to her. She wanted to talk to him and try to make him feel better, but he wasn't opening up. It was expected, but it still hurt her that she couldn't do anything. So she just tried to leave him to his thoughts.
Today was a rather gloomy day with the clouds covering most of the sun and making it darker. The rest of the wall was finished earlier today and it was just a matter of burning the hundreds of walker bodies that was left. Earlier, she had helped a little bit, but soon grew restless and had to step away. Her mind would wander all over the place and she had to switch from task to task to keep herself from getting out of focus. Currently, she was helping Olivia count the food and keep track of it. Easy enough job and it helped her mind shift from one thing to another without too much outside interference.
That was, until the atmosphere changed. She reacted before she heard the shouts, abandoning the cans in front of her to take a look out of the window. From here, she couldn't really get a good look at what was going on, but she did see a couple people jogging toward the direction of the front gate. Olivia asked what was going on but she was a little too anxious to come up with an answer.
Quickly, she headed for the door, slipping outside and then making her way down the street. As she got closer, she could see a small crowd of them hanging by the gate, which was partially open. She spotted a figure on the outside, but she couldn't distinguish features from this far away. Was it another survivor seeking refuge? Or was it a Wolf? Instinctively, she withdrew her gun from her jeans and approached at a quicker pace, arriving at the back of the group crowding at the gate. With her smaller height, she couldn't quite see over the others so she merely listened, her focus sharp and attentive.
"Why should we help you? You're an outsider. Can't be trusted," Rick said.
"I just need a little bit of help. I don't need anything but a doctor, if you have one," the voice on the other side of the fence stressed.
Wait a minute. That voice.
Her heart spasmed and she shoved her way to the front, everything around her beginning to crumble. Was it really? Her fingers curled around the rungs of the gate and she stared in bewilderment at the boy with all-too-familiar features.
"Dylan?"
His eyes snapped over to her and his jaw dropped in shock. "Riley?!"
She blinked, taking in his appearance as he rushed forward and grasped the fence. He looked so much older now, light stubble lining his jaw and his hair almost shoulder-length. His form had gotten more muscular and firm and his voice, though very similar to how it was before, was deeper and more masculine.
"Oh my gosh I thought you were dead," he whispered, his hand wrapping around hers through the fence.
The contact seemed to snap her out of it and she quickly retracted her hand, recoiling from the contact. Everything that they had been through together and that he had done was suddenly flashing through her mind and she took a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. How was he even here? How did he get this far? They were in Georgia the last time she had been with him and now they were both here in Virginia.
"You know him, Riley?" Rick asked, his hand resting gently on her shoulder.
"Yeah I...he's..." She was at lost for words, unsure of what to even say or how to say it.
A long moment of silence passed before Rick motioned for them to open up the gates. Dylan backed away enough to give them room and then moved forward, his gaze still locked on hers as he entered. It was then that she noticed his shoulder was oozing blood and it appeared that he'd been shot. He neared her slowly, but every step her took made the walls close in and she shook her head, backing away with wide eyes.
"I...I need a minute," she barely murmured before turning and booking it out of there.
All her surroundings blurred into massive blobs and she went for the only place she had been using as a place of solitude to be alone these past few days: the infirmary. It didn't take her long to get there with quick feet and a racing heart and before anyone could talk to her or ask anything of her, she went straight to the empty room she had been sleeping in. As soon as she shut the door, she felt relieved and less pressured.
Pressing her palms to her eyes, she started to pace, her disbelief and uncertainty overwhelming her. He was here. He was alive. How? Knowing that he was here now...how was she supposed to even look at him after what he'd done? How could she run back to him with open arms and erase everything that he had done?
Riley took a deep breath and sank onto the bed, laying back and staring at the ceiling. Everything was spinning and she felt incredibly dizzy, but it was starting to fade a little. She could hear faint shuffling and voices outside of the room and guessed that it was probably them there to patch him up. Everything just felt so surreal. Seeing him outside of the gate, his touch, his voice...
All of that she had locked away in the dark recesses of her mind, hoping that they would never come to light again. But he was here. She couldn't help but ask herself over and over what she was going to do and she was coming up with nothing. No way would she stoop down to his level and have them kick him out like he abandoned her and Tiffany. But could she even live around him anymore after what he did? A part of her deep down still cared about him, but she couldn't forgive him for what he did.
A click from the door alerted her and she spun around, looking up as Denise walked Dylan in and stopped mid-sentence when she saw that she was already in there.
"Oh...Riley I was just... Dylan needs to rest some, he lost a good amount of blood. Do you mind...?" Denise asked.
She shook her head. "No, not at all. I'll just be-"
"Actually, Riley I kinda need to talk to you anyway, so you can stay," Dylan interrupted.
"I don't-"
"I'll leave you two at it," Denise spoke, smiling a little at the two and completely oblivious of the fact she was making things worse.
The woman slipped out of the room and shut the door behind herself. She avoided Dylan's gaze and stood, looking at the ground as she headed for the door with no intent on speaking to him. However, she didn't get far because he stepped in front of there to block the door.
"Riley, please," he pleaded. "Let me explain everything that happened."
"No. No you don't get to do that," she murmured, looking up at him and taking a step back to increase the space between them. "Any explanation you have isn't good enough. You're making excuses."
"I'm not, I swear. If you just hear me out, I can-"
"I don't want to hear you out. Didn't you hear me? Listen? Yeah, you were never very good at listening." She laughed bitterly, folding her arms across her chest. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say."
"Holy shit, I know you're stubborn but can you just shut up for one second?" he snapped, getting frustrated.
"No! Dylan, you don't even realize what Tiffany and I had to do! You left us! She was hurt and you just abandoned us! You know when I said I hated you? I meant it!" she snarled, her hands curling into fists.
A small silence settled between the two and she panted, feeling so infuriated that he expected forgiveness and things to go back the way they were. But she wasn't finished, no. She had plenty more things to say to him that she didn't get to say to him before.
"Tiffany died because you left us! She was my best friend, Dylan! I did everything I could to keep her alive, but I couldn't do it on my own. I had to put her down when she came back! Do you have any idea of what it's like to have to shoot your best friend? Any idea at all?"
She couldn't stop now, no. She was on fire and she was ready to keep going, the anger and frustration bubbling out of her mouth as she kept shouting.
"I cared about you! You treated us like a burden! I was looking to you to help us! I nearly died a few times. Nearly got raped. Had to kill some people. But I'm guessing that you don't even care about that do you?"
Riley froze when he suddenly grabbed her shoulders and her eyes widened as he shook her gently to get her to be quiet. It worked.
"I'll always care about you, Riley. You don't understand... You and Tiffany ran off before I could talk to you. Evan, he didn't give a shit about you but... I had a plan, Ri. If we got in their group...if they had medicine... I was going to use them. Get you what you needed... Steal their stash if I had to and move on with you and Tiffany. But you wouldn't listen. Wouldn't let me talk to you. I would never leave you like that."
She slowly pried his grip from her shoulders and leaned heavily against the door behind her, trying to figure out exactly what was even happening. So he never intended to leave her but...it still stung.
"It was a shitty idea," she murmured, shaking her head and breathing deeply. "I don't know if I can forgive you, still. Tiffany died and I..."
"I know I didn't... I didn't expect this to happen. I'm so sorry, I didn't want that for her. You know that."
She raised her fingers to her temples and closed her eyes, feeling a headache coming on. "I need air."
Without another word, she turned and fumbled for the doorknob, feeling relieved when the door opened and she was allowed to escape the suffocating environment. Denise stood across the room, eyes wide as she watched her emerge from the room they'd been shouting in. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to her so she shuffled away, trying to think of where she would go to cool down a little. She immediately went to the bathroom, but as soon as she sat down on the floor, she felt too alone. She needed to go someone, be with someone, because she didn't want to think about this. All she wanted was to forget about Dylan for a little while until she was in a better state to go over what he'd said.
Going to Glenn and Maggie's was a bad idea since they would be worried and prod her about it. Rick was also sure to ask questions as well and she didn't want to answer. Eugene might be an option, but she would have to teach him again and she wasn't in the right state of mind for that. The only thing she could think of was...Carl. He hadn't really been speaking much to her but even being in his presence would be nicer than sitting here alone and dwelling on her thoughts.
Riley hesitated, not sure she even wanted to burden him with the anger and confusion coming off her in waves, but if he was sleeping...or if he didn't even want to talk to her... Well it might not be a bad idea...
Sighing gently, she pushed herself off the floor, slipping out of he bathroom and heading carefully down the hallway. She passed Dylan's room, making sure her footsteps were quiet in case he heard her. She didn't want to speak to him anymore today. Luckily, she got past his room without any trouble and continued on until she reached Carl's door. For a moment, she remained still and quiet in front of the door, but when she finally gained her composure, she opened the door.
As she entered, she took a glance over to the bed where Carl was resting. At first she was sure that he was asleep, but as she took a couple steps toward the chair, his eye fluttered open and she drew in a breath, flashing a small smile. He didn't really acknowledge her besides a short blink and she took that as her cue to go ahead and sit. She deflated and sunk into the chair, already feeling slightly more relieved now that she had some enjoyable company, even if they weren't speaking.
She closed her eyes, trying to tune everything out. There were other things she could think about besides those words. What else had to be done for the community? Maybe she could go out and try hunting or something. They had plenty of ammo and it would help provide food. Plus it would take her mind off things and get her to focus once more. Ever since the Wolves invaded, things kept going downhill.
"Are you...alright?"
Her eyes flung open and she looked over at Carl, who had sat up to look at her. His bandage must have been changed recently because it looked crisp and fresh.
"I... I dunno," she responded with a shrug. "But you don't have to worry about me. Just...worry about yourself."
He visibly sighed and pressed his lips together, looking down at his lap. "I'm..allowed to worry about you too, you know."
"But you're the one hurting right now."
"So are you."
The two of them got quiet and she rubbed her cheek gently. This was the most he had said to her since he woke. It was almost like he could sense her emotions. The two of them cared so much about each other that they were willing to climb over their own personal turmoil to comfort the other.
"I'm more worried about you," she murmured softly. "I can't imagine what you're feeling."
"It's..."
He hesitated, causing her to look up. By now, he'd laid back down, resting his bare back against the pillows as he tried to formulate words.
"You don't have to..."
"I...I want to it's just..."
"Hard," she finished.
He nodded slowly, his lips forming a small frown. She hated seeing him unhappy like this but she didn't know what else to do. This was something he had to get through himself, unless he let her or anyone else comfort and help him.
"You can...come sit with me if you like," he murmured suddenly, taking a second to shuffle to the side and give her room.
Riley didn't hesitate. This was the open door she needed to take. Even if it was only comforting him for a few minutes, it was still there. And part of her also wanted to comfort that she knew he was offering as well. So she moved from her chair to the bed beside him, quickly untying her boots and letting them fall to the floor. His warm shoulder pressed against her own and she relaxed, letting her head rest back against the headboard.
"You know I... I was really scared when Ron shot you. I thought you were dead and I... I didn't really know what I'd do if that happened," she said quietly, picking at the end of the sheets.
"I'm sorry," he replied automatically, causing her to shake her head and look over at him.
"No, it's not your fault. I was just...scared I'd lose you. And I want to do whatever I can to help you."
She caught his gaze and then reached over to slowly trace her fingers along his arm. He didn't seem to like this because he pulled away, but she then realized that he just wanted to hold her hand. Her skin tingled as he laced their fingers and a small smile came to her lips.
"I'm just...not used to it yet, I guess. Part of me is...gone now," he whispered, closing his eye. "And I'm still having trouble remembering things and my head always hurts... And when I look at myself in the mirror..."
She waited for him to finish, but apparently he'd run dry. A loss for words. She gently leaned her head against his shoulder and gave his hand a squeeze.
"It's okay. We can...get through this. It's not going to last like this forever," she reassured, hoping she could even apply some of her words to herself.
"Yeah I...I guess. Are you...upset like this because of me?" he questioned. "Because you don't have to be..."
"No it's...well yes but no..."
He shifted lightly, his hair tickling her face as he murmured into her ear, "you can tell me. We...we tell each other things, right?"
She didn't want to trouble him with her own issues when he needed to be resting, but he..almost sounded like he wanted her to tell him so he didn't feel stupid for telling her his problems. She had to because she didn't want him to feel like that.
"It's just...someone came here today. Came to the gates. Someone from my past. I just...I wanted to forget and... Everything is coming back. I'm just...dealing with all of it," she breathed. "I'm just...I'm tired."
"Yeah I...you can...sleep if you want," he offered, turning slightly to his side.
Her first instinct was to accept the offer, but then she realized that...well it was a little strange. She had never actually slept in the same bed as him before and she wasn't sure if it would be proper or even alright. But...they would just be sleeping. And now that she was in his presence, getting him to be a little more open to her...well she was going to take it.
"Okay... If you need me just...wake me up, alright?"
He nodded slightly, his eyelid starting to droop. "Okay. Same for you."
As he said this, she slipped her legs under the covers and curled up on her side. He carefully pulled her a bit closer to him and she felt her cheeks heating up as he tucked her head against his bare chest beneath his chin. It was embarrassing and a little bit awkward, but his warmth was welcoming and it brought the temptation of sleep along with it. Curling her arms to her chest, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, breathing in his scent. It was still the same woody and sweaty scent he usually carried, but with a bit of a sterile smell as well. Likely from the medicines and disinfectants he was getting. But the familiarity of the scent beneath it was still comforting and it slowly lulled her to sleep.
A/N: Soooo a lot of things happening! Dylan's back and we'll learn more about him within the next few chapters. Carl and Riley are trying to get over their troubles together. But of course, how long can they recover without something else happening?
I want to thank all of you guys for sticking with me and reading and reviewing! Your feedback is really encouraging and it's helping me to keep writing at a steady pace so I thank you so much for that! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! Can't wait to see what The Walking Dead has in store for us tonight! :)
