Chapter 41: Preparation
The next few days, Riley spent her days trying to help prepare Hilltop for the inevitable battle against the Saviors. Maggie had put her in charge of overseeing tasks for each group of people and delegating them to the correct people. There were several groups that the settlement was separated into from her and Maggie's suggestions. They had the weapon-makers, the farmers, the barrier-fortifiers, the doctors, the weapon-trainers, and then the guards themselves. Even though she was negotiating where everyone was going and what they were doing, she was taking her turns in as many stations as she could. She needed to keep her mind active so she could focus on anything other than the fact that Carl wasn't by her side.
It had been a rough few days, knowing he was a day's walk away and not being able to see him or know if he was safe. But she was trying to focus on her task because the sooner they killed that bastard Negan and his men, the sooner she would be able to be reunited with him.
Her burning desire to watch Negan suffer was something that only seemed to grow stronger with every day that passed. Everything that he had done to her and her family…it made her so angry. She used it to fuel herself and stay focused, mostly on strengthening herself and her ability to handle weapons, while also learning a few things from Jesus.
She hadn't learned much about weapon-making, but now she knew how to carve and assemble a spear. Her time with the farmers yielded some new information on different edible plants, which she was sure would come in handy one of these days.
Today, she was making her way through the doctors, the weapon-trainers, and she had a guard shift in the evening with Daryl. The man had returned to Hilltop after only a few days away and she was glad that he did. There were a limited amount of her family here and even though she started to make new friends, it still felt good to be around those that she considered family.
Riley had already gotten her day started by delegating tasks to each of the groups and making sure everyone knew where they were stationed. By the time she got everyone in order and answered the hundreds of questions they seemed to have, it was nearing lunchtime. She decided to take a quick snack and see what Maggie was up to, snatching two apples and a strip of dried meat along her way back to the house.
As predicted, Maggie was upstairs with a large map spread across one of the tables they'd moved into the bedroom. A few others were in the room as well, including Jesus, who she'd come to like very much.
"Hey," Maggie greeted, taking a step back from the table.
Riley caught a glimpse of some arrows and circles on the map but didn't look too long. "Hey. How's the planning?"
"I think we're really startin' to get somewhere," Maggie said with a nod. "Get everyone set up?"
Riley passed her an apple and split the piece of dried meat for her. "Yeah, everyone's settled. Just wanted a little something before I head to medical." She turned her attention to Jesus. "Are you going to join me in weapon-training this afternoon? Even if you just give pointers and watch, I think everyone would find it helpful."
Jesus let out a low chuckle. "I don't know if they'll need my help. From what I hear, you're doing a good job of training everyone."
"Well then maybe a demonstration?" she suggested.
"And you want me to put you on your ass in front of everyone?"
Riley paused, realizing he was right. "True but…it'll still be fun. And who knows, maybe I'll surprise you."
"You've only been training with me for three days." Jesus laughed.
"So…you're afraid of getting beaten by someone with hardly any experience…?"
He rolled his eyes, but she saw that a small, mischievous smile had crept onto his lips. "Alright, sure. Loser gets the other's slice of pie tonight."
Ouch, those were high stakes. The kitchen had started making small portions of desserts every night to try and boost morale and tonight was apple pie.
"Okay. You're on," Riley agreed, not wanting to back down from the challenge.
"I might have to come down and watch," Maggie piped up, smiling.
It was so good to see her smile. Riley would do anything to make that smile stay, even if it meant humiliating herself in front of everyone and losing her pie.
"Well, you should come down then," Riley said, taking a bite of her apple and straightening up. "Better get back to it."
With a small smile, she slipped out of the room and headed back down the stairs. Even without Carl here, she was doing her best to try and keep herself occupied and interacting with others and not give into the sadness that often settled in her chest. It was only temporary. Doing this, everything she was doing, would get her to Carl much faster.
She finished eating by the time she got down to the trailers where they had their medical set up and got inside just in time to join Enid in sorting their medication stock. With the last few runs, they had been able to amplify their collection of medications. Dr. Carson was very pleased with some of their finds and even gave her a quick run-down of what some of the drugs were used for, in case she ever needed to know.
After some chit-chat and work, Riley went to finally start some training with guns and knives. She had to admit, it was her favorite place to be, and she felt she was knowledgeable enough to be able to teach. After all, she had taught Eugene enough.
The thought of Eugene made her frown to herself. She'd heard that he'd gone to be with the Sanctuary and seemed to be settling in nicely. After everything they had been through together, it didn't make her feel good. But she tried to focus that anger and disappointment onto Negan instead. After all, he was the one who murdered and manipulated everyone.
The group today was half teenagers and half adults. Riley liked seeing others her age step up, mostly because she couldn't imagine not being able to protect those she loved and she felt it was admirable. The more everyone knew, the more likely they would all be able to protect each other and help fight against Negan.
While she was teaching, she seemed to adopt a bit of a different persona. She became softer and less stern, though she still made sure to drill it into everyone that it was a time to be serious and that these weapons weren't toys. A decent amount of her students today had already a bit of experience under their belts, so it was mostly practice and learning some more complex things.
They started off with the knives and a handful of straw dummies. She let the adults practice lethal and nonlethal places to attack, making sure they practice stabbing the head for walkers, and helped the teenagers find their strengths and weaknesses when approaching someone bigger than them. She taught them ways to get walkers down on their level so they could easily stab them in the head as well as places easily within their height to stab humans.
With most of them knowing how to use a gun, she only had to go over the basics with a few of them and just let the others take turns practicing. Tomorrow, she would have them try to use larger guns, like rifles and shotguns, instead of handguns.
She just took a moment to stand back and watch when she sensed the light footsteps creeping up behind her. With a roll of her eyes, she turned her head to face Jesus as he sneaked up on her.
"Nice try," she said, folding her arms across her chest and smirking.
"You're getting better. How's class?" he asked, a smile in his eyes.
"Good. We're moving onto long guns tomorrow. Everyone's eager to learn something. I don't even have to be pushy."
"That must be difficult for you, considering you're just naturally pushy," he teased, dancing out of the way of her attempted smack.
"You better watch it Paul, or I'm really going to embarrass you in our demonstration," she snickered, watching his nose crinkle at the mention of his real name.
"It's funny that you still think you're going to beat me. Do you know how many years of martial arts training I've done?"
"You're still going to get your ass whooped by a teenage girl."
He chuckled and shook his head. "Alright then, do you want to get this started?"
She noticed the group was running low on bullets anyway so it was coming to the end of their training session. "Alright."
Taking a step forward, she dug out her loudest voice to get everyone's attention.
"Alright everyone! We're going to end the session with a demonstration of hand-to-hand with me and Jesus. If you like what you see, maybe you can bug him to train you too."
There were a few laughs from the group and she smirked, turning to her opponent. He stood there quietly and patiently with his arms crossed behind his back. While she knew it was usually better if she waited until he made the first move, she had a feeling he wasn't going to. He was really going to challenge her this time. She was sure he just wanted to see her get brutally embarrassed.
Riley took a minute to size him up before she lunged toward him with a swing. He merely took a step back to avoid her, his eyes twinkling with amusement, and proceeded to lean to the side to dodge another blow. She felt her frustration at his lack of responsiveness begin to grow and she decided to try and fake him out.
At the last second of her attack, she switched directions, her fist coming inches from his face, but he caught her arm before she could get him. He gave her a mischievous look and she knew that she was screwed.
He forced her weight back, making her almost trip over herself, and used her momentary distractedness to swing his leg at hers, effectively knocking her to the ground. The wind rapidly left her lungs, but she forced herself to keep her attention on him as he lunged to pin her down. With instinct and quick thinking, she rolled out of the way and scrambled to her feet, trying to get her breath back as she ducked underneath another throw. He didn't slow down for her to catch up, and for a few moments she was just blindly dodging as she tried to regain her senses.
When she got her breath back, she got her energy back. The two of them exchanged blows, dodges, and blocks. Though he was light and quick on his feet, she was smaller and more able to duck around him before he could orient himself. Still, even with that advantage, it was only a matter of minutes before he had her pinned to the ground, his smirk so big she could practically feel it. The group burst into a round of applause, laughter, and quick conversation.
"I'm expecting that extra pie tonight," Jesus chuckled with a wink, getting to his feet and holding his hand out to her.
She gladly took it, pouting slightly as she stood. "Yeah, yeah," she grumbled, pretending to be annoyed, but both knowing that she wasn't really.
Riley dismissed the group to get ready for dinner and cleaned everything up, making sure to carefully deposit the weapons in the armory before heading to dinner herself. Afterwards, she had guard duty with Daryl at the fence. She was looking forward to it, mostly because she and Daryl hadn't talked all that much since they both came back from the Sanctuary. Even though they both respected each other and saw each other as family, they hadn't been close until they were both trapped together. That experience bonded them, and she wanted to check in and see how he was. She knew he tended to keep to himself.
At dinner she ate quickly and, unfortunately, forked over her slice of pie to Jesus. He was kind enough to let her take a small bite before he took the rest of it, sending over a twinkling smirk at her and digging in. There was always tomorrow, and her bruised ego wouldn't allow her to challenge him again, especially when apple pie was at stake.
The stars shone brightly in the sky by the time she started getting ready to go to the fence and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, making the moon cast a beautiful glow over everything. She had to admit, she did like it here. It was more secluded and rural than Alexandria, but that didn't change the fact that it still didn't feel quite like home.
With her gun in hand, she headed up to the lookout on the fence. Daryl was already waiting, his crossbow resting on the top of the fence as he looked keenly at the treeline. All was quiet, and even though the thought of war was looming over them, she felt calm.
"Hey Daryl," she greeted, taking a spot on the lookout walkway a few feet away from him.
"Hey," he grunted, shooting her a quick look before resuming his search of the woods outside.
There was a long moment of silence before she prodded again.
"You hanging in there?"
"Gotta be," he responded shortly, shifting awkwardly.
"That wasn't my question," she pressed, turning to face him. "I know it was hard for you at the Sanctuary. It was for me too. I just don't want you to feel like you're alone."
Another long pause clung to the air. Her hand gripped the wood of the wall and she looked down, expecting him to keep quiet. But he spoke, quietly, after a few moments of silence.
"It's my fault Glenn's dead."
Her gaze flickered over to him and her eyebrows knitted together. "What? No it wasn't. Don't say that, Daryl."
"It is. Haven't even spoken to Maggie." His voice cracked slightly and he finally took his gaze off the treeline and onto the floor, his hair masking his face, which she was sure was twisted with grief.
Riley cracked her knuckles, a small fire of rage beginning to burn in her stomach. It was all Negan's fault. He was the one who killed members of their family. He was the one who made them feel guilty for doing nothing wrong.
"If I woulda…just stood down. Or killed Negan before he could…."
"No. Daryl, no." She moved closer to him. "It's no one's fault but Negan's. He's the bastard that killed Glenn. He's the one who started this. There was no reason for him to attack or manipulate anyone. He's a sadistic asshole and he's the one you should be angry at, not yourself."
Daryl remained silent, face still cast down with his hair curtaining his face. She looked out to the woods, watching the bushes and trees sway gently with the breeze. She knew what it felt like to think she could've done more and maybe it wouldn't have happened. That was the way she felt when Carl lost his eye. But she couldn't let that guilt and anger fester toward herself, or she wouldn't be able to kill the man who actually caused this.
"I'm going to kill Negan," she said matter-of-factly.
Finally, Daryl looked up at her.
"I don't know when or how, but I won't rest until I put a bullet through his skull. He has to pay for everything he's done. As soon as I get the opportunity, I'm taking it. No one can stop me."
She could feel him staring at her. She knew he was feeling similarly, but was holding himself back. He didn't want anyone else to die and he still felt guilty.
"That's how I'm choosing to deal with my guilt," she finished, leaning against the railing. "You should talk to Maggie. She doesn't think it's your fault. You did nothing wrong."
The rest of their watch went in silence, but it was more comfortable and less awkward. It was about two in the morning before they were both taken off by two others, but at that point she was too exhausted to check in on Daryl before bed and she collapsed into a dreamless sleep.
When she woke, everything was chaos. She could hear shouting and it was bright out, so she wasn't sure what time it was, but she knew she had overslept. In the blink of an eye, she rushed to the window, realizing that someone at the guard post was yelling.
Saviors. She could read the words on his lips.
"Shit," she swore, bending down to grab her clothes and hastily slip them on. There was no way that she would be able to make it outside of the wall by now. She had to hide somewhere.
She slipped out the door of the trailer, stopping for a moment to bend down and tie her boots, watching the trucks from around the corner of the trailer. They stopped carelessly in the middle of the field and she saw a few familiar faces, Simon in particular. She pressed her lips together and scanned her options. She knew the only place where she would likely be completely safe from prying eyes was the cellar. The house would be too risky and the other trailers had no places to hide. She just had to get across to the other side.
The majority of the Saviors headed inside and it left her an opportunity to dart to the back of the house. She took a peek to make sure no one was coming before she slipped to the other side.
Around the corner, she could see the cellar door clear as day, but she could also see one of the Saviors poking around the stable nearby. She had to time this right, when he had his back turned, because she had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He could be looking for anything suspicious or looking for something to steal. She wouldn't be surprised if by now Negan was sending his men out to look for her and Daryl everywhere. Even if there was no link to them and Hilltop as of now, Negan would make sure that every community he knew was searched just in case.
The Savior bent down to poke around something by the pig pen and she took that opportunity to sprint as fast and quietly as she could to the cellar door. She made it and immediately crouched behind it, heart hammering so loudly in her chest that she was afraid he would hear it.
Riley peered over the door, her stomach dropping as he stood back up and began to turn around. But by a stroke of good luck, Enid appeared and caught her eye. The girl cut off the Savior and began to talk about something, and Riley didn't hesitate to use the seconds she had to open up the door and slip down inside before he turned around again. It was almost pitch black, but she hastily moved toward the door and opened it up. To her surprise, she was face to face with Daryl and his knife. The two of them looked at each other for a moment before he took a step back, letting her inside and underneath his arm.
Maggie gestured them over to a shelf just as they heard the door to the cellar creak open. They didn't hesitate to settle into their spot behind the produce shelves, and she got low, taking out her knife and nestling herself close to Maggie's leg. The Savior slowly made his way through, poking around the onions and other vegetable baskets. She held her breath, staying close to the others, but still alert.
The Savior got a bit closer, continuing to poke around, and she saw Daryl move out of the corner of her eye. She almost jumped, alarmed, but Maggie swiftly grabbed onto his arm and eased him back, shaking her head. He would have killed that man if he wasn't held back, and she didn't blame him.
A few seconds later, the man gathered a few baskets and left the cellar. His lack of presence didn't eliminate the tension felt in the small space, and Daryl and Maggie left their hiding spot almost immediately.
"You were gonna kill that guy," Maggie sighed.
"He was gonna find us," Daryl answered quickly, though Riley knew that wasn't the case.
Riley finally squeezed out of the spot.
"He wasn't. And he didn't," Maggie said, her voice strained.
"He deserved to die."
Riley felt the crackling of hate and rage spread throughout the air, and her stomach tightened. He was right. They all deserved to die.
"Ever since you got here, you haven't said a word to me," Maggie said softly, and Riley took a step back, sensing that this wasn't her moment to be involved in. "Would you look at me? Please?"
Daryl slowly turned, rocking slightly in place, as if he couldn't sit still.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, voice breaking in a way that made her heart ache.
Daryl didn't cry for just anything. Glenn was someone they all loved and someone he in particular was close to. She reached up to rub the opal stone on the necklace that Glenn had saved for her, looking down into the dirt below and feeling the heaviness of the grief in the room.
"It wasn't your fault," Maggie said softly.
"It was," Daryl sniffled.
"No. It wasn't," Maggie spoke more firmly. "You're one of the good things in this world. That's what Glenn thought. And he would know, because he was one of the good things too. I wanted to kill that guy too. I want to string them all up and watch them die. But we have to win."
Riley couldn't help the tears that started to leak from her eyes. She slowly took a few steps back, eyes flickering to the hugging figures of Maggie and Daryl. Dammit, why did Glenn have to be one of the ones to die? He was so pure and kind….
She leaned over against one of the shelves, the salty tears flowing thick and fast down her cheeks. Fuck, she hated this. She hated being vulnerable. She hated feeling the absolute despair and anguish that came whenever someone she cared about died. This world was cruel and she was tough, but this…it was starting to get to her. She didn't know if she could handle this heartache anymore.
Maggie had broken away from Daryl, moving to stand in front of her, eyes full of tears as she put a hand on her shoulder. "Glenn thought the world of you too, Riley. He would've adopted you if he could. He wanted you to be the baby's big sister…."
Whatever control on her emotions Riley had, completely left at these words. Her body wracked with sobs and she tried to cover her face, feeling so weak and lost. None of it was fair. She couldn't do this, she needed….
But her rapid thoughts cut off when Maggie engulfed her in a hug, pressing her face into her shoulder. It wasn't long until she felt another body join too, firmer and larger, engulfing her from behind. The three of them cried together, not letting each other go out of the comforting embrace.
A/N: OMG guys I'm back. I could cry I missed this story so much. I'm so sorry that I've been gone for so long. Life has been absolutely horrible to me the past few years and I've been dealing with so much. But finally, FINALLY, I'm getting ready to finish college and I have so much more free time and I have been spending most of it writing. This chapter is almost 4k words and I'm excited that I could return with a good, meaty chapter. Things will start to heat up soon with the war coming along and it's gonna be a fun ride for Riley.
I wanted to say a thank you to all my readers and reviewers who are still with me, even through the inconsistent updates and the long hiatuses. You guys honestly mean so much to me and I would never have the motivation to keep churning out chapters as much without you all. You guys are the reason I can keep writing :) I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I will work harder to make the next update happen sooner.
