For the second time in five days, Raven awoke to the feeling of something soft on top of her. She blinked blearily, twisting to inspect the intrusion.

It was that damn coat again.

Grumbling, she threw the lecherous material off her and sat up, pretending she didn't feel the way her muscles protested at the demand.

Just like the first time, Luna was seated away from her, only now she was perched on top of a table, legs crossed as she meditated or prayed or whatever the hell it was she did.

How long had she been there?

Was she trying to make a habit out of watching her sleep?

Creepy.

Ignoring the fluttering in her stomach that wasn't altogether unpleasant, Raven stood up, tossing the jacket at the other woman. She caught it effortlessly, eyes shut. Not even a flicker of expression.

Show off.

"I take it you're still not cold."

Raven huffed, stretching out her spine. "I'm a Reyes - we don't get cold."

Or so her mother had told her every time she'd siphoned off the gas for their heater in exchange for some liquid treasure. Space was cold as hell and Raven had nearly gotten hypothermia a total of seven times as a result of that little trade.

Not that her mother seemed to care.

Luna frowned slightly. "Reyes?"

"It's my last name."

The confusion didn't settle.

Oh, right. Grounders didn't have last names.

"My family. Our ancestry, whatever." How the hell did you explain last names? "It's how we tell each other apart. Like, you know, with the whole kom Trikru, Azgeda thing. . ."

Sort of.

Maybe she should get a dictionary.

But then Luna's mouth twitched and Raven realized she was being had. "You know what last names are."

The other woman opened her eyes at last, mouth pressing into a smile. "I do. There are lots of things my people no longer have a use for but which we still possess knowledge of."

Well, she guessed that made sense. It hadn't even been a hundred years since civilization was blown away, that was a short as hell time to lose all remnants of knowledge and culture. Or, so Raven would assume.

She wasn't an anthropologist or whatever.

The Grounders were different from the Sky People. Where her own people had existed in a kind of space vacuum for ninety-seven years - frozen in time - those on earth had progressed, changed, altering themselves to fit their new reality.

Her distaste for their lack of technology aside, there was something rather impressive about that.

They'd adapted.

The Arkers hadn't.

"There are some clans that do still use surnames," Luna went on. "Generally the larger ones, where you need more than just a clan name to distinguish you. Boudalan for instance, have a tradition of naming all firstborn children Otana. Without last names to tell them apart, it would get very confusing." Her lips pulled in amusement and Raven snorted.

"Well, I guess that makes sense." There had been no other Ravens aboard the Ark. No other Reyeses either, except for her mother and a grandfather who had croaked it a year before she was born.

She knew that her family had originated from Mexico, back when there'd still been a Mexico, but she had no connection to that history. Her mother had never spoken of what came before, she'd never even spoken of her grandparents, so Mexico was as mythical to her as any other lost country on this godforsaken earth.

Tired of the conversation, Raven reached for the tablet she'd - once again - fallen asleep on. At this rate, she was going to get a permanent mark indented on her forehead.

There was a light thump and her eyes widened as Luna's jacket landed once more beside her - though, thankfully, not on top of her.

This time.

What the fuck was it with her and this fucking jacket?

This was the fifth instance in days Raven had been forced to fend off its advances like an unwanted suitor.

It was freaking stalking her!

"I'm not cold!"

Okay, she kind of was. The lab was kept at a constant cool temperature and, although Raven usually ran hot, her core temp tended to be lower when she slept.

That was the only reason she now had goosebumps climbing up her arms. They'd fade in a minute or so, but too late to avoid Luna's detection.

The other woman said nothing, closing her eyes once more as she returned to her meditation. "You have strik-maun."

"I have what? Never mind." Raven huffed and heaved herself up, ignoring Luna's keen eyes as she stalked towards the lab's entrance. "I'll be back later."

When her fucking goosebumps had died down and she'd gained herself some more ammo to keep Luna at bay. She had a feeling the other woman got a kick out of this - maybe even saw it as playful banter - and normally Raven would have been right on board but her head was killing her, she was no closer to finding a solution to the missing barrel-

And the lab was starting to smell like rosemary.

Yeah, no.

She needed space.


"The end doesn't justify anything, because all we ever live with is the means."

- Nick Harkaway


As soon as the door swished shut behind her, Raven realized her mistake.

In her single-minded rush to escape the Grounder's smug presence, she had forgotten that it was she and not Luna who actually needed to be in the lab. How the fuck was she supposed to work now?

She'd even left her tablet on the table inside - and with it all the notes she'd been making. Not that they were proving to be of any help. No matter what way Raven turned their dilemma over in her head, she couldn't find a solution.

That didn't mean there wasn't one.

It just meant she hadn't found it yet.

She had to find it.

She was Raven Reyes. Finding solutions to other people's problems was kind of her thing.

She could do this.

Just not out here.

Groaning, Raven turned back towards the door.

Nope.

Not gonna happen.

Luna wasn't going to win that easily.

Huffing, she stalked off, deciding that it was about time she took more of a looksie at what else Becca had stuffed inside this underground scientist's wet dream.

She wasted half an hour doing just that - she even swiped a packet of nuts out of a disgruntled Murphy's hand to snack on for a minute or two - before boredom got the better of her and she dragged her feet back to the lab's entrance.

When she opened the door, Luna was exactly where she'd left her. Sitting on the table, eyes closed, meditating. She didn't look up at her entrance and Raven squinted, trying to determine if the other woman had fallen asleep on her again.

But no, her lips were moving faintly as her chest rose and fell too noticeably for sleep to be possible.

At least she wouldn't see Raven's flush of embarrassment as she reluctantly made her way back over to her chair, collecting the abandoned tablet and praying for some genius inspiration to finally strike.

If Luna wanted to help her out with that she could feel free. Swimming away had been her idea so she could obviously think outside the box.

But the Grounder did nothing to acknowledge her presence and, if she was anyone else, Raven might have thought she was annoyed with her for storming off. But that would be too petty for Luna and the relaxed set to her features cast the suspicion into even further doubt.

Sighing, Raven rolled her shoulders and settled in - refusing to admit that a part of her was disappointed by the lack of reaction.

Luna was annoying as hell but she was also. . .

Raven didn't know what she was.

Just that she made her heart race in the way working on machines used to, back before doing so had become a matter of life and death.

Luna's jacket was by her tablet and Raven knew she hadn't put it there. Scowling, she pointedly threw it several meters away, out of reach.

Hopefully, Luna would take the hint.

If she ever noticed Raven's existence again.

An hour later, there had been no change - who meditates for more than an hour? - and Raven had migrated over to one of the computers, typing away equations she knew in the end wouldn't prove at all helpful. But it was something to do and it made her feel useful.

She needed to feel useful.

After a time, she felt someone's eyes on her. There was only one person they could belong to since Raven hadn't heard the sound of the door opening since her arrival. She very deliberately kept her gaze focused on the screen, refusing to give in to the uncomfortable churning in her stomach.

"Can I ask you something?"

And she speaks!

Raven didn't spare Luna a glance but curiosity stirred inside her at the question. She couldn't think of anything the other woman might want to know from her. Raven had already spilled the beans about what happened with Adria. What other information did she possess that could be of any value?

It wasn't like Luna had an interest in mechanics.

It had to be something simple - like, say, where's the bathroom? - because her tone was easy, even nonchalant.

God, Luna better not be about to ask her if she was cold.

"Sure. Fire away." There was a minute of confused silence. "It means shoot - uh, go ahead."

A hum reached her ears and out of the corner of her gaze, she saw Luna lean forward slightly, watching her. "Would you really have let me leave that day?"

Raven's fingers fumbled a moment and she had to backspace to undo the gibberish she'd just typed out. There was no need to ask what day Luna was referring to. "Yep."

This answer was apparently unsatisfactory. "Why?"

Really? This was what she wanted to talk about?

Putting down that gun had felt pretty self-explanatory. Raven didn't see a need to pick her actions apart. Forcing Luna to stay hadn't been an option - not for her - so she hadn't.

It was as simple as that.

"Well, it's not like I could have stopped you after I put that gun down."

Of course, that skirted around the reason why she'd put the gun down in the first place but, really, what was she gonna do? Shoot her? Even if the shot didn't prove fatal - and that was never a guarantee when it came to bullets - for them to do what they wanted to do, Luna kind of needed to have all her blood inside her.

At least until it came time to take it out.

Raven grimaced.

No, shooting her had never been an option. She'd tried for intimidation but that hadn't worked either.

"Forget beating you in a hand-to-hand fight, I wouldn't even have been able to make it to you before you hopped on that boat."

"Why?"

"Um, well, I mean because of this. . ." She shifted awkwardly, moving to present her bad leg, wishing her cheeks didn't burn with the action-

"No, I mean why would you let me leave?"

Raven stopped, growing still. So they really did have to talk about this, huh?

Maybe she should have stayed out of the lab a little longer. But when she finally looked up, Luna was watching her patiently, expression vulnerable in its openness, and she could see from the intensity of her gaze that this mattered. To Luna, it mattered.

She needed the answer, even if Raven didn't feel particularly inclined to give it.

She exhaled, turning her chair to face the other woman fully. "Because I know what it's like to be used against your will for the survival of a people. I can't-won't do that to someone else."

Her leg screamed and she closed her eyes a moment, pretending she couldn't hear the deafening cry of a drill.

Silence reigned.

Her chest fell a little with relief at the fact that the other woman didn't ask for her to elaborate, didn't try to poke around in Raven's past to determine just what it was that had created this disturbing similarity between them. She couldn't speak of it. Not to Luna. Because Luna cared too much, and saw too much-

and Raven wasn't ready to let her see this.

With anyone else, she could keep things factual. Erect a wall around her that both fended off their concern and acted as a buffer against her own feelings.

But she didn't trust she'd be able to maintain that wall with Luna.

The woman was already steam-rolling past so many others.

Raven huffed, resisting the urge to spin her chair around like a child, if only so she could escape Luna's stare. "I can't treat people as a means to an end. I thought I could but I can't."

She wasn't sure if that was right or wrong but it was the truth. It was the decision she'd made. And she'd make it again.

Raven could sacrifice herself but she wouldn't- she couldn't sacrifice someone else. Not like that.

Even if it meant watching everybody burn. Was that selfish? Probably. She knew it sure as fuck wasn't selfless. What did her feelings and morality matter when the fate of humanity was at stake?

But it did. It did matter.

It was one of the only things that still could.

Luna's gaze was soft, full of too much understanding. "That's not a bad thing, Raven."

Wasn't it?

Good, bad - she didn't fucking know anymore.

If Luna had left, it would have sentenced thousands to death.

And it would have been Raven's fault.

"Well, it sure as hell wouldn't have felt like that if you ended up walking away and everyone died."

A part of her resented Luna for putting her in that position but not so much that she didn't realize how ridiculous that was. Had those in Mount Weather resented Raven for forcing them to make the decision on whether to let her live or kill her to save themselves? That choice - and its consequences - hadn't been her fault.

And this sure as fuck wasn't Luna's.

"We're only responsible for the choices we make," Luna countered, seemingly reading Raven's thoughts. Her voice was gentle enough to cut. "Not the choices of others."

That was a loophole Raven wouldn't give into. "I don't think that's true. There's a cause and effect thing to all this. If someone makes a choice because of something you did, then that's on you."

If Luna had left because she allowed her to then the consequences of that would have been on Raven. She'd known that at the time and accepted it.

Luna hesitated. "In some ways, yes. In others, no. My people trained me to be a killer, put me in a position where it was kill or die. But I still chose to drive that knife into my brother's chest. I still chose to hold his head under the water when he didn't die quick enough." Raven struggled not to flinch. "I still chose to kill him. No one else can take that choice from me. For as forced as it was, it was still mine."

Raven studied her. Luna's face hadn't shifted from its relatively blank state, but her eyes burned with the passion of conviction. "That's important to you."

She wasn't sure she could understand why.

If she was Luna, she would be racing towards any excuses she could find, anything to absolve her of just a little bit of blame.

And to Raven's mind, she would be justified in doing so. Luna's choice or not, she'd been a kid. She'd been manipulated and abused, forced into a situation where the only escape was to do something unforgivable, something she could never take back.

And so she had.

Just like every other nightblood in existence, as far as Raven was aware.

That meant that the Flame Keepers knew exactly what they were doing, exactly what strings to pull in order to achieve the result they desired. Had turned it into a system mandatory for all. A system that nobody would even think to question, let alone a child whose very life was spun by it.

What chance had a thirteen-year-old stood against that?

Luna wet her lips but nodded. "If it was my choice, then I can choose not to do it again. No matter what forces my hand."

Raven didn't mention the very obvious fact that Luna had chosen to do it again. When faced with an impossible choice, she'd killed the person she loved.

She knew the other woman was more aware of that than her.

Raven swallowed, uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability in Luna's eyes.

She looked away.

"Did you really think it was just a trick?" Raven had been sitting on this question a while, admittedly afraid of the answer.

Why the hell had Luna chosen to stay if she hadn't been fully confident that Raven's gesture was genuine?

It didn't make any sense.

"No," Luna said simply. "But I had to be sure." She sighed, leaning back. "Manipulation was a staple of my childhood. It's hard not to see it everywhere, even now." Her eyes held Raven's. "But that's not you. You don't have the patience for such deceit, or the heart for it. You're more direct than that."

She relaxed slightly, realizing that a part of her had been hurt by Luna's accusation.

"It's one of the reasons why I like you."

Raven's shoulders, which had only just begun to even out, tensed once more at this addition, her heart fluttering in her chest as she took in the little smile on Luna's face.

She swallowed uncomfortably, unsettled by the heat that had suddenly started to bloom from the center of her chest, stretching all the way down to her fingertips and leaving a tingling sensation that she had to clench her hands in order to avoid shaking out. Raven tried for a smirk that felt a little too startled on her face. "You mean, aside from my genius brain and unmatchable talent?"

Luna's expression flickered and she pursed her lips momentarily. "Aside from that."

"Well, you're not too bad yourself."

She was, in fact, the farthest from bad that anyone could get - much to Raven's dismay.

Though, she wondered if she should be unnerved by the fact that Luna had learnt to read her so expertly in such a short amount of time.

But then, Raven was learning to read her, too.

Just, you know, more clumsily.

She thought back to yesterday when Luna had questioned her reaction to the Conclave; how, for a split second, Raven thought she had seen apprehension hidden in the other woman's gaze before she'd cleared it away. It had been but a shadow darting across the planes of Luna's face and she couldn't be certain it had been there at all but. . .

It made her wonder.

Not for the first time. How much of Luna she didn't see.

It was a strange thing to contemplate considering the Grounder was probably the most open person she'd ever met. And yet. . .

She didn't think Luna hid things out of self-preservation - not like Raven - rather, she had a sneaking suspicion she did it out of care. Like she didn't want to put too much of herself onto others. To burden them, influence them.

She could understand that. The thought of being a burden was something that Raven struggled with herself.

It was just . . . she got the odd sense Luna was protecting her.

Like she hadn't wanted Raven to sense her discomfort, to feel guilty for it.

She'd been trying to shield her.

Raven wondered if she still was.

But she wasn't prepared to confront her about such suspicions. Not yet. Not until she had more evidence.

Thinking over Luna's words, she felt a spike of anger at the adults who had been charged with raising her and who had continuously abused that responsibility.

That had been their intention, though, hadn't it?

They'd known what they were doing and they hadn't cared for the ethics of it - or the consequences.

Or, rather, they'd been endeavoring to bring about a very particular set of consequences

Bastards.

Raven spun around, trying to blow such thoughts from her mind. It was the past, and you couldn't change the past.

No matter how much you wanted to.

Refocusing on Luna, she noticed that the other woman's attention had drifted elsewhere during her absence. Whilst her gaze was still directed at Raven, there was no sense that she was actually looking at her. Though in the time she'd known her, Luna's features were generally unreadable, there was always a hint of something there - a puzzle of subtle pieces that were often incomprehensible and impossible to put together.

But now there was nothing.

At least, nothing that Raven could see.

Swallowing, she tried to ignore the uneasy sensation of fingers creeping up her spine. It was fine. Luna had spaced out. People spaced out. Raven spaced out.

It was a thing that happened.

"Luna?"

The other woman startled - something that Raven wasn't sure she'd ever seen her do, except for that one time Abby had woken her - but it was a hasty thing, over in an instant. Before Raven could blink, Luna's features had settled back into the easy expression of before, open and waiting for her to continue.

"Yes?"

Forcing the frown from her face - and the anxiety from her gut - she tried to ease back into the conversation. "Can I ask something now?"

Curiosity lit up Luna's face - apparently, she didn't share Raven's trepidation when it came to being interrogated - before she gave a short, subtle nod. "Of course."

She didn't point out that all Raven had been doing lately was asking her questions - and she'd never needed permission before now. If that unsettled Luna, it didn't show.

But Raven was starting to realize that a lot didn't show when it came to Luna.

Maybe that was why she never ran out of questions for her.

"Why didn't you take the Flame?"


"In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did."

― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass


A/N: so I forgot to mention that the last chapter was largely inspired by this quote from Luna: "For years, I reveled in death and violence." Which seems to suggest that not only did she kill outside of the Conclave (and for years) but that she must have taken a certain thrill - even pleasure - in it. It's one of her more fascinating quotes as it contrasts so much of what we see in Luna's character and it's something that I want to continue to explore in this fic.