A/N: I am SO sorry it has been so long since an update. My health has, unfortunately, continued to deteriorate (only at a more rapid pace) and it's getting harder and harder to write/proofread. It doesn't help that I'm a perfectionist and will obsess over certain paragraphs/lines/words and can't post until I'm reasonably confident that they sound right. Which will inevitably lead me to proofreading a chapter about 60-80 times. And that's not an exaggeration lol.
Raven grimaced as she approached Luna in the kitchen for the second time in two days, resisting the urge to cover her nose at the pungent smell wafting off the walls. Like rotten meat. . . or corpse. Had Murphy forgotten to freeze the rest of the fish?
As she drew closer, she saw Luna was in the middle of setting out a bunch of dark green and brown herbs on the cutting board. Suspected this to be the source of the overwhelming stench. Wrinkled her nose.
At least there were no snails in sight.
Or rats.
"What's that?"
Luna startled at the sound of her voice, glancing up sharply, only to relax the instant their eyes connected.
Raven frowned. Normally, Luna was more aware of her surroundings. Creepily aware, in fact. Even when her eyes were shut in meditation, she always seemed to know exactly where in the room Raven was at all times. She'd only ever seen that awareness fade in the rare moments that Luna would space out - though, admittedly that was happening more and more lately.
Maybe she'd interrupted some eventful daydreaming?
"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."
Luna shook her head, mouth drawing up. "It's fine." But Raven didn't miss the slight tremble to her hand as she moved some hair behind her ear, the way it rebelled against the easy warmth in her eyes. "Finished up in the lab?"
She pursed her lips. "For now."
The truth was she'd gotten kind of. . . bored. Without her new shadow hanging around. Luna's constant care could be overwhelming - and irritating - at times, but not having it was. . . weird. Raven had felt her restlessness grow with each passing hour of Luna's absence - along with her anxiety.
Why hadn't she come back?
Had Raven said something to upset her?
They'd seemed to have left things okay last night. Certainly nothing had happened that raised any red flags - unless Luna had decided to be pissed about the whole nearly drowning her thing, after all. And this morning, she'd been waiting for Raven in the lab like always, full of smiles and teasing. But then, after only a few hours - one of which she'd spent tricking Raven into eating some form of breakfast - she'd excused herself and left. Disappointing, but hardly suspicious.
Except she hadn't come back.
When lunchtime had hit with still no sign of Luna's return, Raven had given in to that restless energy inside her and set out to track her down.
It had been a relatively short search.
She tried not to be offended by the fact that she'd been ditched for some smelly old herbs.
Looking down, Raven traveled two fingers across the counter's surface, step by ungainly step. "So, what have you been up to?"
"Not much." Luna lowered her knife. "I had a lie-down earlier, then ran into Emori as I was heading back to the lab."
So she had intended to come back.
The tension in Raven's spine eased - and for the first time she allowed herself to actually take Luna in.
Judging from the dark circles under her eyes, Raven doubted she'd gotten much - or any - sleep during that lie-down. Concern swelled in her chest but she clenched her jaw in order to keep it from shooting out of her mouth.
Especially when guilt soon came to stab along the sides of that concern.
Luna must have been really fucking tired to abandon 'Ravensitting duty' in order to take a nap - and she hadn't picked up on it. Had been too sucked into her brainstorming and research - research that was going nowhere - to notice a damn thing.
"She had some herbs I've been looking for," Luna continued, nodding down at the counter, where said herbs were sprawled rather hazardously across every inch of space. "It's rot bluma. We give it to those who've suffered blood loss, are pregnant, or bleed too much during their munblod. It helps restore them."
The information clicked in Raven's head. "You think it's used to treat anemia."
Luna raised a brow.
Right. She didn't know Raven knew about that.
Or anything else.
She shifted to her other leg. "I may . . . have spoken to Abby last night. About stuff."
Stuff that didn't actually have anything to do with her but which she'd wheedled her nose into anyway.
Raven waited with bated breath for any signs of displeasure at this invasion.
(signs that she sure as fuck would have shown herself)
Instead, Luna simply nodded and returned to her preparations, expression unreadable. "Yes, I think it's used to treat what you call anemia. The symptoms and causation sound very similar. It's not always effective. But usually it offers some help. I've been looking for it since we came to the island and asked Emori to keep an eye out. She happened across some this morning."
So Luna had known this was a problem since they'd arrived. Raven ignored a stab of irritation at the fact that she hadn't said anything. At least not to her.
(apparently Emori had no such barriers in her path)
Knew the feeling made her a hypocrite.
Raven hadn't exactly been open about her own health - or lack thereof - either.
Still. "I could have helped you find some."
Luna smiled. "You have been. I searched every time we went for a walk. But you wouldn't have known what to look for. Not when you've never seen it before. Emori has."
Raven resisted the urge to pout like a petulant child. The words made her feel even more useless. She couldn't do anything to help Luna. Couldn't do anything to help anyone.
The one thing she could do, she'd failed at. All because of that stupid fucking barrel.
Okay, now you just sound like a self-pitying waste of space.
Oh God.
She sounded like her mother.
Raven grimaced.
(this fucking code really was rotting her brain)
"There are other ways of helping to restore blood as well, of course," Luna continued, her gaze a little too searching, as though she could sense that something was amiss. "Like diet."
Raven straightened. Maybe this she could lend a hand in. She'd done some research last night. Nothing major but enough to give her an idea about what they were dealing with. "Red meat, right?"
"Yes. Though Derrick always swore by kraken."
"Kraken?"
"Giant octopus."
"Those things with the. . ." Raven grimaced, trying to demonstrate an overabundance of long, waving arms - made slightly difficult by the fact that her own happened to be humanly short and there were only, well, two of them.
Luna's mouth curled. "Tentacles?"
Raven shuddered. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard a creepier word in her life.
"Mm, yes, those things." Luna's grin widened at her look of alarm. "Don't worry. I don't plan on making you eat any."
She squinted. "Promise?"
After those stinky fish and that conversation she'd overheard at dinner, Raven wasn't taking any chances.
"Promise. Besides, I've yet to come across any on the island - giant or otherwise - so I think you're safe." She watched as Luna moved some hair out of her face, mouth twitching at the streak of green sludge she left in its place. "Derrick also considered algae incredibly beneficial, though. We certainly had plenty of it out at sea. And I have a feeling it will be much easier to find here as well." Luna glanced at her. "I checked with Abby and she said it was your main defense against anemia on the Ark."
"Makes sense." A persistent itch on Raven's arm clawed for her attention and she scratched at it distractedly. "We didn't exactly have any red meat up there. Or, you know, meat in general."
The variety of food on offer down here almost made Raven forgive the ground for all it had put her through. Almost.
Luna shook her head. "I can't imagine. I prefer not to eat meat myself, but I'm not sure I could go without fish as well."
Raven shrugged. "It's all we knew. Can't miss what you've never had. And it would have been fine if the food we did have didn't taste like shit." She frowned as the rest of what Luna had said caught up to her. "I've seen you eat meat."
She shrugged. "I don't like to waste food. Not anymore. And as long as I'm not the one doing the killing, I can tolerate it. It's just not what I prefer."
Raven's frown deepened. "And now you can't eat fish."
She didn't need to ask why Luna had struggled so much to finish her dinner last night. She could put two and two together. Especially when they were dancing in a circle with fucking trombones around her head.
Luna smiled humorlessly. "I'm hoping that's only temporary. Though I suppose it doesn't really matter. There won't be any fish to eat soon enough."
Raven doubted that brought her any comfort. In fact, it probably made her feel worse. Aside from the obvious melancholy over all animal life dying out, Luna might never get the chance to eat something that she loved again. Something that reminded her of home.
"It sucks." The words felt inadequate but Luna smiled a little so they weren't totally wasted.
"It does." Despite this soft confirmation, her smile didn't fall.
Still, she knew Luna was struggling. Had witnessed it last night, even if the hints were so subtle as to remain completely undetected by everyone else. That seemed to be her forte.
Raven cleared her throat, approached the counter. "So it's algae and this shit then."
Not exactly the most appetizing of remedies.
Luna nodded, reaching for a knife as she began chopping up the herbs, a little crinkle to her nose. "It doesn't have the most pleasant taste, unfortunately."
Raven did not have any trouble believing that.
"You sound like you're speaking from experience."
"I am."
That stopped her short. "You've had anemia before?"
"Not this bad and we certainly didn't call it that, but yes. When I was alone after my Conclave, I ended up pretty malnourished. I'd never needed to provide for myself without the help of others before. And having to be constantly on the move, in hiding. . . I didn't eat a lot. Or at all." That old familiar pang of nausea hit Raven's gut, the one that had filled so much of her childhood, before Finn came along. Even after he'd arrived on the scene, there were days her stomach remained empty. Split rations didn't exactly go a long way and she'd hated to deprive Finn of his. "And then there were times I didn't have the inclination to eat even if I could. Derrick practically force-fed me this." Her lips quirked as she held up the herb. "And more than a few other things. Of course, I got a taste of my own medicine after we found Adria. She wouldn't eat either. Her grief was too strong." Luna's lips drew down, that familiar overhang of loss filling her gaze, and Raven searched around for something to say, something to lead them away from this.
She didn't want to see Luna's pain.
"Abby said as long as we're still taking blood, your body won't be able to correct the imbalance. Even with a little extra help."
And no amount of extra iron would make a dent in the aplastic anemia.
Though according to Abby, they were going to give Luna a break from those donations now.
(Raven would believe it when she saw it)
"I know."
She frowned at the lack of emotion in that simple statement. "And you're okay with that?"
Luna sighed. "Honestly, I'm not okay with anything right now. I hate doing this. Facing the constant reminder of my blood. When it comes down to it, a little weakness and fatigue is nothing compared to that. If I can endure one, I can endure the other."
Raven suspected she was downplaying her symptoms more than a little but understood what she was getting at. "You don't have to do this, Luna."
"I know." Her lips lifted weakly. "That's why I'm doing it." She turned back to the cutting board. "Trust me, if I felt like I had to do this, that I didn't have a choice, nothing would keep me here."
In a way, it was reassuring to hear. But it still didn't make Raven feel any better. Nothing about Luna coming to harm could, even if it was her choice.
But there was nothing she could do about it. Because that's what it was. Her choice.
And Raven wouldn't get in the way of that. No matter how much she wanted to.
(not yet, anyway)
"So what's this shit taste like?" she asked, patting the board. If the smell was anything to go by, Luna could be believed that it was less than appetizing.
She made a face. "Mold."
Raven grimaced. "I think I'd take the anemia."
A chuckle met her words. "Believe me, I'm tempted."
Her heart did that little skip it so often enjoyed at the sound of Luna's breathy amusement. Raven resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the ridiculous organ currently taking up space inside her chest cavity. "We should feed it to Murphy."
Luna's mouth curved as she shook her head - Raven chose to think it was with fondness and not exasperation - gaze fixed on the herbs as she continued to dice. "I think he's suffered enough. Rats are terrible."
These fucking rats.
Honestly, Raven was starting to feel like she'd been left out of a highly exclusive - albeit disturbing - club.
"Besides," Luna continued in an offhand tone, "I've already set something else in motion for him."
Raven narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
Luna only smiled. There was something foreboding in it. "You'll see."
Well, now the curiosity was going to end up killing her long before this code ever got the chance. Hopefully, Raven would be seeing very fucking soon. And that whatever she was going to see would be suitably glorious.
"So, are there any other disgusting herbs that might help?" She asked, watching as Luna began using the heel of her knife to crush the awful bounty to smithereens.
"Not that I know of. But I'm going to go down to the beach sometime tomorrow to see if there are any edible algae. A lot are poisonous so I thought it best not to leave that up to Emori. I know better how to recognize them."
Finally, something Raven could help with.
Well, hopefully. If Luna even wanted her help. Or needed it.
She shifted back against the counter, aiming for nonchalance. "Want company?"
Luna smiled. "Always."
Raven's insides squirmed, apparently deciding to be a nuisance as always, and against her will, she found herself smiling back. "Alrighty then. It's a d-" shit, "plan."
What the fuck were you just about to say, Reyes?
Finding the strength to look away, she moved her attention to the counter, to the herbs.
To safer territory.
Luna followed her gaze.
"Abby said it's more difficult for my body to absorb nutrients at the moment - something about a mucosal barrier?" Luna shook her head, continuing on, "so it's debatable just how effective all this will prove but it has to be better than doing nothing at all."
Raven agreed.
"I suppose this is what the rest of us have to look forward to." Well, everyone except her. "You'd think Becca would have made nightblood work a little faster. I mean, how long were you sick for?"
Luna's lips pressed together. "Weeks."
Mm, that was what Raven had suspected. Hoped against but. . . well. "Right. That's a long time for your blood to finally get its ass into gear."
"Not surprising." Luna picked up her knife again. "In my experience, it lives to disappoint."
She rolled her eyes. "It's blood. It doesn't live for anything."
The knife grated against the cutting board. "You know what I mean."
Raven did. She just wasn't particularly inclined to indulge Luna's overenthusiastic self-loathing when it came to her blood. "The point is, Becca totally dropped the ball on this one."
Her mouth turned up wryly. "I don't think she planned for Praimfaya when she created nightblood."
"Another thing she dropped the ball on. It's her lack of foresight that led to this whole mess."
Okay, so Raven was still a little bitter about the whole A.L.I.E. thing. Sue her.
Oh right, you couldn't.
Because courts and lawyers were another thing that had been lost in the Nuclear Apocalypse!
(okay. A lot bitter)
It was a shame because she had the feeling that Becca was the kind of person she actually would have loved to hang out with. Her genius was breathtaking.
"But you're right," Raven continued. "The radiation levels that nightblood was built to defend against were much lower than the kind we'll face when all the nuclear reactors go tits up."
In truth, they were only hypothesizing that nightblood would protect them. Becca hadn't been on earth during the first nuclear meltdown and the level of radiation Luna had been exposed to was thousands of REMs lower than what would be released during Praimfaya.
But they'd all silently agreed not to talk to about that.
Luna inclined her head. "I suppose we'll just have to make do with what we have. Surviving's the first step. That's what matters. As long as we survive, we can heal."
If they survived.
It wasn't like they'd made much headway on synthesizing that nightblood.
Still, Raven smirked, elbowing her. "Look at you, talking up the virtues of survival. Never thought I'd see the day."
Luna's mouth twitched. "Don't get used to it." But there was humor in her eyes and the tension in the room broke.
"Yeah, yeah. Move over so I can help."
She quickly blocked her advances. "It's fine."
Raven squinted. "What, don't you trust me?"
Luna sent her a look. "I've seen your finesse when it comes to dishes. I don't want you anywhere near my herbs."
She pouted. "I wasn't that bad."
"We had to throw out two plates."
"Yeah, well, they were fucking ugly so it was to our benefit."
Luna shook her head with a smile and turned back to face the counter. "Just stay beside me - and don't touch anything."
Rolling her eyes, Raven did as she was told. To a point. She nabbed a sliver of herb off the bench for inspection.
Luna smacked her hand.
"Ow!"
"Don't touch my herbs." She was grinning to herself despite the warning - and the uncalled for assault - which Raven found to be somewhat insulting.
"Tyrant," she grumbled, stepping back and heaving herself up onto the island instead - a safe distance away from any stinging hands.
Still smiling, Luna returned to her task, scratching absently at the back of her neck. It drew Raven's attention to some faint bruising on the top of her hand. The mark was only small. Barely worthy of notice. What did catch her attention, though, was the color.
It hadn't occurred to her that Luna's bruises would be as dark as her blood. At least to start with. In a few days, when the hemoglobin released by the breakdown of red blood cells was converted into chemicals, that bruise would turn to green, then yellow.
Just like it would in any other person.
(the fact that Raven even knew this was a clear sign that she'd been reading way too much about biology lately. A travesty really. There was a reason she'd gone into mechanics and not medicine)
"So. . ." She swung her legs. "Abby says you've been somewhat of a no-show when it comes to taking your pills."
"Abby says a lot." Luna's tone was bland.
"Yeah, don't think she was paying attention on the day they taught doctor-patient confidentiality."
Luckily for Raven. It had made finding out exactly what she needed to all the easier.
Though it did lend her some concern when it came to her own privacy.
Luna sighed. "It's not intentional. I know how important it is that I take them. That I can't afford to get sick, not right now when we still haven't figured out how to make nightblood. And Nyko sacrificed himself so I could live. I don't take that lightly." Good to hear. "I just keep forgetting. I keep forgetting a lot of things." Her mouth pressed into a thin line. "I can't say I like it. My memory's always been impenetrable. Better than most. This is the first time I've had issues with it outside my Conclave."
Okay, now Raven felt like an ass for bringing it up. "Anemia can mess with your memory, make you forgetful." Trauma too, she thought but didn't say. "It should get better when you do."
Luna relaxed a little at this. Raven could understand. Your own mind betraying you was a bitch of a thing.
She hesitated. "Do you mind that I talked to Abby?"
"No. Though you could have simply asked me what you wanted to know." Luna glanced at her. "I would have answered."
"I know." That wasn't why she'd gone to Abby.
Luna studied her a moment. "But you thought there were things that I didn't know. That she hadn't told me."
"I mean. . ." Well shit, that sounded bad. Raven winced.
Way to inspire her trust in them.
Luna turned away from the counter, leaning back against it to face her. "She told me a lot, Raven. She was very thorough. Though, I suspect part of her was hoping that I wouldn't understand half of what she did tell me."
It was more than disappointing to have her suspicions confirmed.
"Did you?"
Luna smiled wryly. "No. But Jackson seemed to sense that and translated."
Lucky thing he'd been there.
Damnit, Abby.
"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't understand most of what she was saying either."
"Well, it certainly makes my ego feel better if nothing else."
They shared a small smile.
In truth, it had taken rifling through some of Becca's research to make sense of what Abby had told her. And even then she'd been left scratching her head at a few things.
Machines were so much easier to understand than the human body.
Than humans in general, really.
(it was one of the reasons why she loved them)
Luna turned back to her preparations. "I'm not under any illusions when it comes to Abby, Raven. I know what I am to her. What I have to be. A means to an ends." She pressed the knife down. "I've been that often enough in my life to recognize the signs."
"Luna. . ."
What the fuck did she say to that?
Deny it? Raven wanted to, but she was scared that if she did it would be a lie.
She didn't want to lie to Luna.
Didn't ever want to lie to her.
Luna glanced at her. "It's not news to me, Raven. I knew this when I decided to stay. And accepted it."
Raven frowned, shifting in place. She really couldn't deny it. "I don't see you as that."
She smiled. "I know. We wouldn't be friends if you did."
Well, okay, friendship confirmed. Raven tried not to let the warm buzzing in her chest show on her face. Smothered a grin in favor of a small, controlled smile.
"Well, as your friend, I feel it's only my duty to tell you that you have vomit-colored sludge on your cheek."
Luna blinked, hand going up to her face.
"Yeah, left cheek."
She dabbed at the space experimentally, which only proved to smear the herb further across her skin.
"Better?"
Raven bit her lip and - because she really was a masochist - reached out, swiping her thumb across the blemish. Luna's skin was cool, almost icy, but impossibly soft. Raven held her breath as she worked the stain away, trying not to get caught in Luna's eyes as they searched for hers.
Some of the herb had found its way down to the corner of her mouth. Raven considered leaving it but the perfectionist in her rebelled. Stealing herself, she moved her hand, thumb accidentally catching on Luna's lip.
Fuck.
Swallowing, Raven quickly wiped the rest of the off-colored green away, stepping back. "Better."
Luna smiled, fingers going up to trace her cheek, perhaps testing the fact for herself. "You have warm hands."
Uh. . .
"Thankyou?"
Luna's lips rose to greater heights before she turned back to face the bench. Her task. The evil herbs that had put Raven in this position to begin with.
She took a breath, trying not to focus on the way her fingers tingled, on the phantom impression of Luna's lips - so briefly felt.
Raven wanted to feel them again.
It wasn't a want she could afford to have.
I'm so fucking screwed.
A/N: Rot Bluma = Corpse Flower (rot is my own word for corpse)
And yeah I know there already exists a plant in our world called corpse flower (this is not that flower) but when a plant smells like THIS one you can't call it anything else lol.
Rot bluma is loosely inspired by the Kulekhara plant which increases haemoglobin and can be used to help anemia.
