To Raven's relief, Luna had calmed within minutes of Murphy wrapping an arm around her. There was still the occasional mutter or moan - Raven had caught Derrick's name a few times in amongst the Trigedasleng - but otherwise she appeared to be doing much better.
Thank God.
"It seems to be working," Raven exhaled, sitting down. Now that Luna no longer appeared in distress, she could finally relax. Or at least try to.
Murphy grunted, watching the sleeping woman with something that might have bordered on tenderness - but Raven didn't really want to think about Murphy caring for anyone other than himself. It was easier to hate him if he was just a selfish prick.
And she needed to hate him.
"Was she having nightmares the entire time since I left?"
"Mostly." There'd been little breaks. Small respites. With each one, Raven's hopes had risen, daring to believe that the worst had passed.
It hadn't.
"What did Abby have to say about it?"
"Basically that it sucks balls but it's what her body needs at the moment." Raven grunted, leaning back against the wall. "And I mean she's right but that doesn't mean that Luna shouldn't have had a say in the whole thing, you know? Gone into this with her eyes open."
Instead of welded shut.
Abby had simply said that the pills would help her sleep - and thus recover faster. Luna had seemed vaguely discomforted the moment the word 'sleep' had left the doctor's mouth but had accepted the pills nonetheless. Raven could well guess the reason for her wariness now.
Whilst she might not have known about the side effects, she'd clearly been aware that nightmares might be a problem. Which solved the mystery of why she'd spent all day being reluctant to go to sleep.
Raven wondered whether Luna would have refused if she'd known just how bad those nightmares could get. If she would have chosen a more drawn out illness over this.
If she was anything like Raven, the answer was an emphatic fucking yes.
Abby hadn't warned her about the possibility of worsened nightmares after Mount Weather either. Raven was fairly certain it had just slipped her mind - the doc hadn't been doing too well back then either, it was a wonder she'd been able to attend to Raven at all in the wake of what they'd gone through - but it had still left her feeling oddly betrayed. And wary of whatever other aid Abby had to offer in the future.
Control was something she valued.
And those pills had stripped her of all she had left.
A muffled groan drew her attention back to Luna. "Why. . . are you doing this?"
The sudden switch to English nearly had her falling off the bed.
"Because Raven forced me to. Take it up with her."
She scowled. "Seriously, Murphy?"
"What? The lady asked a question."
"She's sleep talking, you idiot."
Luna started breathing heavily, twisting as the air seemed to escape her, mouth parting desperately.
Raven sprang to her feet. "Murphy-"
"I'm on it." Not sparing her a glance, he placed a hand on Luna's head, gently stroking her hair. Leaning in, he murmured something low. Too low for Raven to hear. But it seemed to do the trick.
After a moment, Luna's breathing evened out again, her features gradually relaxing.
"What did you say?"
"That mantra of hers. Hopefully. Think I might have butchered it a little but apparently it's the 'intention' that matters." He offered up a shrug.
"Right." Raven eased back down onto her bed, still watching Luna like a hawk. She was assaulted with the insane impulse to thank him. An impulse that her brain quickly overrode - fortunately.
Thanking Murphy?
What was the world coming to?
He finally turned to her - then snorted. "Stop looking so concerned. She's fine. Pretty sure this isn't her first rodeo."
"She doesn't sound fine."
"We all get nightmares, Raven. One of the perks of being on this oh-so-beautiful ground. Hell, one of the perks of being in space too. . . she'll be fine."
Maybe.
Probably.
Almost certainly.
But somehow that failed to make her feel any better.
When she finally managed to tear her eyes away from Luna, Murphy was watching her closely. Too closely.
"Luna was right."
Raven blinked. "About what?"
Luna tended to be right about a lot.
It was infuriating.
"She knew you wouldn't be up for this."
"This?"
"Cuddling."
She stared. "When were you and Luna talking about cuddling?"
And why was Raven a part of that discussion?
First sex, now this.
What the fuck went on when they were together?
(maybe she should think about trying a hand at this whole spying thing Murphy and Emori had going on)
"The same time we were talking about courting techniques."
"Courting- what?" Raven's face scrunched up. Clearly she'd been right in her previous assessment. It was dangerous to leave these two alone together for any length of time.
"You know, Grounder shit."
No, she really didn't know.
"Which, by the way," he held up a finger, "I wouldn't be gifting her any knives if you're trying to get into her pants."
Why would she even-
"I'm not trying to get into her pants, Murphy. We've been over this."
Extensively.
To exhausting degrees.
He shrugged. "Just in case you change your mind. Pertinent information."
"Also really obvious information. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the pacifist probably doesn't want a knife."
"You never know. They're pretty. You don't actually have to stab shit with them."
Raven rolled her eyes, turning away.
"You should ask her to teach you Trigedasleng."
Raven's brow furrowed as she shifted back around. "Why? Murphy, we're probably all going to be dead in a couple of months - at most." She definitely would be. "What would even be the point?"
True, she loved to learn. A lot. But she also had a preference for information that was actually, you know, useful.
Murphy looked at her like she'd suddenly become short a brain cell. Or two. "Not for you, for her." Raven blinked. "I bet she'd get a kick out of it. And it might help take her mind off, well, everything."
There was certainly a lot of everything to have one's mind to be taken off of.
For the first time, Raven actually considered something that had come out of Murphy's mouth.
Luna did seem to have a teaching kink. She'd picked up on it on various occasions. Whilst meditating; fishing; or that time she'd given Raven her bracelet - how she'd lit up when describing all the materials and their purposes.
Like her, Luna seemed to appreciate knowledge. And that appreciation extended to sharing it with others.
"That's. . . not actually a bad idea."
The admittance felt like a trap.
Raven peered at him carefully.
"Then why do you look so suspicious?"
"Because it came from you which automatically makes it suspect." And since when did Murphy have good ideas?
"Just trying to do a good deed."
Raven threw up her hands. "That's even more suspicious!"
He rolled his eyes. "Look, the advice is yours to do what you want with. Take it or leave it." Murphy shifted, grimacing as he tried to find a comfortable location for his other arm. "Tell me again why you're not doing this? And none of that bullshit about your pain - like you've ever let that stop you before."
Raven tightened her arms around her chest. "I don't do hugs."
"Bullshit, I've seen you hug loads of people. You're certainly more of a hugger than me." Damn him. "Or are you saying you do hugs, just not with Luna?"
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.
His smirk was enough to boil water. It was sure as fuck boiling her blood.
"Fuck off, Murphy."
"You're the one who invited me in. Well, yanked me in more like."
True.
She'd clearly miscalculated.
Raven glanced at Luna's face which remained relatively serene.
(couldn't bring herself to regret it)
Damn him to hell.
Besides, Murphy was wrong. To a point.
It wasn't the hugging. It wasn't even the fact that she would be hugging Luna. Raven knew she could do that. It would probably have the slight side effect of making her combust but she could do that. For Luna's sake, she could do that.
But it wasn't about the hugging.
Or, not really.
Getting into bed with Luna would be one thing.
Holding her for an extended period of time would be a goddamn trial by fire but Raven thought she might be able to force herself through it.
But holding Luna when she was sick, suffering, in need. . .
She couldn't do that.
Couldn't give herself like that to someone else. Not again.
"Look, if the sexual tension's that bad just sleep with her already."
"Murphy." She glanced pointedly at Luna, who - by the grace of a God that had never deigned to be merciful until now - remained oblivious.
"She's dead to the world, remember?" He poked her in the cheek for good measure. "See?"
"Murphy!" What the fuck had she been thinking asking him for help? She'd invited a damn monster into Luna's bed.
"All I'm saying is, if you wanna sleep with her that badly just do it. I'm sure she'd be up for the task. This place is boring as hell."
This was so not an appropriate conversation to be having right now. Or ever.
Raven opened her mouth to chuck out a further batch of denials- then froze. Wait. . . "Are you saying she'd only sleep with me because she's bored out of her mind?"
"Well. . ."
Raven scowled. "I really hate you sometimes." She whipped around, crossing her arms. "And I don't, by the way, want to sleep with her. It's not like that. It's not like that at all." It couldn't be like that. Murphy certainly couldn't be allowed to know it was like that. "Luna's a friend. Just a friend."
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," he muttered in Luna's ear. Her face screwed up a moment before smoothing out once more.
"I swear to God, Murphy, I will kill you."
It wasn't just hyperbole this time.
"Let's pretend for a moment that you do want to sleep with Luna."
"Murphy-"
"For hypothetical purposes only." Murphy held up his hands, though the slight smirk in his eyes was far from reassuring. "What would really be so bad about that? I mean, she certainly seems a step up from your last suitors."
Raven rolled her eyes, turning away once more.
Suitors?
Seriously?
This wasn't fucking Pride and Prejudice.
"Come on, give me one reason this would be a disaster."
She had a thousand. "Well, for starters, I don't think Luna's a one-time type of girl. Pretty sure she's more of a from-here-to-eternity type."
"And you're not?"
"No."
"Uh-huh." His eyebrow drew up doubtfully. "Weren't you and Finn together for like a decade?"
Raven crossed her arms, thankful he couldn't see her face. She did not want to talk about Finn with Murphy. "That's different."
"Uh-huh."
"I liked Finn."
"And you don't like Luna?"
"No! I mean yes - but no!"
"Gotta say, I'm getting some mixed messages here."
She threw up her arms. "Murphy!"
Her hand swiped the bowl of ointment on the bedside table, knocking it from its purchase. The two of them flinched as it crashed to the ground in a shower of ceramic tiles. Eyes wide, they both turned to Luna.
Who hadn't twitched.
They waited, holding their breaths.
Luna frowned, lips parting-
"Ai snogon. . ."
Before her features smoothed out once more.
Several moments passed.
Murphy stared at the sleeping woman. "Jesus, what the fuck was in those pills? I might have to steal some."
"Believe me when I say you do not want to try them."
A small part of Raven could admit to being a little disappointed. If Luna had woken up, it would have put a stop to this insane conversation with Murphy. Hell, she could have booted him out of the room right then and there, saving her sanity in the process.
"Not for me, for Jaha. He talks too much."
Raven snorted. She couldn't argue with that. Hell, maybe it would have saved them from A.L.I.E.
She traced a finger over her arm absentmindedly, feeling the rise of another scar that had been forced on her.
What scars had Jaha been left with from that shitstorm?
Raven sighed, gaze traveling to the ceramic splinters on the floor. Another mess for her to clean up.
At least this one was her fault.
And at least it also seemed to have put a stop to Murphy's interrogation when it came to her sex life.
She'd take the win.
"Look, I can agree that Luna might be someone who'd prefer more than a one night stand - though I will just say that we have no proof of this, so you never know. . . "
I spoke too soon.
"And apparently she's no stranger to threesomes."
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
For the sake of my ever-deteriorating sanity.
Huffing, Raven began the search for a trash can.
"We should not be having this conversation right now." She glanced sideways at Luna who seemed perfectly content to snooze on, cuddled up close to Murphy's chest.
The bubbling heat in her own chest could in no way be mistaken for jealousy.
He ignored her. "What I don't understand is why you wouldn't want anything more than a one night stand. Luna's a catch. I wasn't joking about Emori and me marrying her. We've already discussed it. Emori's picking out the wedding rings as we speak."
Raven scoffed. "Like you or Emori would be willing to share each other with anyone."
"We would if they cooked for us."
She groaned, throwing up her hands and turning away.
"So," Murphy persisted, undeterred, "why wouldn't you want that?"
Search successful, Raven seized the small trash can sticking out from under her bed. "Someone to cook for me?"
"No. Something long-term with Luna."
For fuck's sake. How could he be that fucking dense? "Because I can't have long-term with Luna. Even if I wanted that - which I don't - I couldn't have it. Fucking A.L.I.E. made sure of that."
"Oh, you mean because of the dying thing?"
Her eyes widened. "How did you-"
"What, like it's supposed to be a secret?"
Raven glanced wildly at Luna, who thankfully hadn't twitched. "Shut up."
"You mean you haven't told her?" He looked at Raven in disbelief. "Seriously? What have you two even been talking about all this time? The weather?"
She shifted awkwardly - and perhaps a tad shamefully. "Well, it's not exactly the sort of thing that comes up in conversation."
"Uh-huh." Raven suspected she could have told him Octavia and Clarke had transformed into besties overnight and he would have been more believing. "You need to tell her."
"I'm going to."
"Of course you are."
"Eventually."
Just not now. Luna had enough on her plate without adding this to it. And Raven did not - she did not want to become another source of pain for her.
(knew it was basically inevitable at this point)
She bent down, beginning the tedious process of collecting every stray piece of her mistake. "I will. Just need a little more time. But, you know, soon."
Murphy snorted, looking far from convinced before settling back onto the pillow and closing his eyes. If the big oaf fell asleep on her she was going to drop an anvil on his head. "Seems like the sort of thing you should get over with sooner rather than later."
He. . . wasn't wrong.
Raven knew he wasn't wrong.
(she also knew she still couldn't do it)
"Besides, it's Luna - she's probably already figured it out."
Yeah. Right.
Raven doubted it.
She had a feeling if Luna ever did figure it out, her mother-hen nature would be dialed up to eleven and Raven would never know any peace again.
Just another reason not to tell her.
Raven grunted as a piece of ceramic pierced her skin. A sign from the universe that she was being a selfish ass, maybe? Fuck that. "It's my shit, my body. I don't have to tell anyone. I have a right to some goddamn privacy."
Not that anyone else ever seemed to remember that.
(Luna did.
Luna always remembered that)
Raven dumped the piece in the trash can, ignoring the smear of blood on her fingertip. She'd see to it later. With any luck, the bleeding would stop and it would take care of itself on its own.
Murphy raised a brow. "But you didn't think the same for Luna when you went and had that little chat with Abby?"
"How did you-" Raven stared.
He shrugged. "Emori was in the lab."
She resisted the urge to hurl the trash can at his head. "The two of you have gotta stop fucking spying on people. One day you're gonna overhear something you don't want to."
"Mostly we just overhear shit other people don't want us to."
Raven took a deep, calming breath, resolving to table this argument for a later date. "Look, it's not that I don't think Luna doesn't have a right to any privacy, I just-"
"Don't trust Abby." He shrugged. "Yeah, overheard that one too. Well, the last half, anyway. Nice move at the end there, by the way."
What was he-
Raven's cheeks burned as she remembered the sensation of Luna's skin against her fingers, her lips. . . "It wasn't a move - she had fucking sludge on her cheek! I was helping!"
"If that's what you need to tell yourself."
"Murphy."
"Can't say I disagree with you. On the Abby front that is. She did send a hundred kids down here to die." Despite the lightness of his tone, Murphy's eyes darkened a little.
To be fair, Kane had done the same and he was plenty trustworthy.
Or seemed to be.
"I trust Abby with my life."
"Just not Luna's."
Raven's mouth parted around a denial but she couldn't convince herself of the lie. "I don't think she'll do anything to hurt her."
She just wasn't sure where Abby's definition of 'hurt' resided at the moment. Where she was willing to push it to save them all.
Murphy snorted. "I do. Didn't she kill her husband?"
"That was a long time ago." Okay, technically not that long but since coming to the ground it might as well have been a millenia. Entire lifetimes passed in a month down here.
"What, and there's an expiration date on something like that?"
"She's not the same person she was on the Ark." Raven knew it to be true. Had seen Abby bulk at making the kinds of choices she might not even have blinked at up there. She'd become softer, possibly in an effort to counterbalance the fact that her daughter had become so much harder - in large part because of her.
Murphy shrugged. "If you say so. Luna doesn't trust her."
Raven was fairly certain Luna didn't trust most people. At least, most people here on this particular island.
"Luna became the Holy Grail overnight. I'd have a hard time trusting any of the people who'd been questing after it too."
"You have a hard time trusting anyone in general."
True, but not the issue currently up for discussion.
"The point is, just because Luna doesn't trust Abby, doesn't mean she's not trustworthy."
The doctor's priority at the moment just simply wasn't Luna.
Which put her at odds with Raven, whose priority very much was.
Murphy didn't look convinced but honestly his opinion on the whole matter didn't weigh all that much. It wasn't like he trusted people either. "Whatever you say."
Luna dipped her hand into the pot of seawater beside her, drawing it free to run her fingers over the boy's forehead. The best she could do. The only thing she could do.
All she could offer.
"From water you were born, to water you return."
Luna closed her eyes, laying a blanket over Gilly's face, covering up the distress that death had frozen upon it.
She'd formed Floukru so she would never have to watch another child die.
But in the space of a day, she'd watched five perish in agony. And she knew that number would only rise.
Swallowing her heart, Luna rose to her feet. Made her way back over to Adria's still form, several feet away. She could not make herself travel far. Could not abandon her.
A pain gripped her stomach and her fingers loosened, just a moment. But it was enough. The clay pot fell to the floor. Shattering.
Luna stared at the remains, at the hostage sea branching out across the floor, seeping through the cracks. Disappearing.
No-one looked up. Too consumed in their suffering.
"Luna?"
At the weak murmur, she turned away from the corpse of her efforts, focusing on Adria instead.
At the sight of her, Luna's mouth found the strength to smile as she closed the distance, clasping the girl's searching hand. "You're supposed to be sleeping, my love."
Adria's eyes were big in her skull, sunken. "Can't sleep without you."
It was what she'd always said on those nights when Luna had exiled herself in her room, bidding Adria and Derrick both to sleep with the others. Where it was quiet. Where it was peaceful.
Where they couldn't hear her scream.
So often she'd woken in the middle of the night to find a small form hovering over her bed, arms hugged tight around herself.
'You're supposed to be sleeping, my love.'
'Can't sleep without you.'
And Luna would draw back the covers and open her arms and everything would be warm. And safe.
Everything would be okay.
This was their ritual.
Luna exhaled, lowering herself gingerly onto the floor, careful not to let Adria's hand slip her grip. "I know." Luna smoothed a palm across her damp forehead, taking some relief in the way her eyes closed, features smoothing out. "And I'm here."
Adria's lids parted and she craned her head, gazing in the direction Luna had just come from. The blankets serving as tombs. "Who was it?"
She parted her mouth - found her strength stopped here. At breathing identity to the dead, to the children Adria had shared her life with.
(she was saved from answering when death called again)
"Luna?"
She glanced up, into the worn faces of Ado and Gray.
"It is time for Mikel to return to the water."
Mikel. Twenty-one. Joined Floukru two years ago after his first participation in battle. Husband to her dear friend, Anora. Father of baby Flo.
Liked to spend time at the highest points of the rig, feeding and chatting with the seagulls. In recent months, he'd taken to bringing his new daughter with him. Many days, Luna had heard her garbled giggles from down below as she worked.
There'd be nothing to hear from now on. Never again.
"Luna?"
Her eyes dropped. The rights. She had to say the rights. Even if she no longer had the strength to return him to the water properly.
"How is Anora?"
The two men exchanged a look. "She'll soon be with her family. Within the hour I expect."
Luna wondered if there was mercy in that.
Mikel's wife had joined Floukru long before him, back in the days when the clan had only just begun to find their home on the sea. Anora was a midwife by trade and had taught Luna everything she knew. She'd been a boon to Floukru when their numbers had started to grow but it was not her value that would make her so missed.
She'd considered Anora a friend, one of the few she allowed herself to possess. Had been given the honor of guiding her daughter into the world, something Anora said she would trust to no other.
It was hard to believe that was only four moons ago.
Luna swallowed.
She should go to her after tending to Mikel. Should say goodbye. Whilst she still had the chance. Should give Anora whatever comfort she could in her final moments. Though what comfort existed for a woman who'd just lost her husband and child in one fell swoop?
What comfort existed for any of them now?
It didn't matter. Luna would try to give all that she had. She owed her that. Owed all of them that.
A hand seized hers as she moved to get up.
Adria stared at her pleadingly and she forced a smile. "I'll be back soon, my love."
She turned to Ado, who happened to be one of the individuals least affected by the sickness so far. Though the pallor of his face suggested such luck would not hold out long. She'd always felt a connection to him. Though not a nightblood himself, it ran thick in his family. Luna could remember his sister and cousin from her novitiate days, the former falling victim to Lexa's blade. The cousin, Anet, had died in the previous Commander's Conclave. There'd been a father and a grandfather as well. But Luna had never known them. Ado was one of the rare few, even inside Floukru, who openly condemned the bloody tradition. "Will you stay with her?"
It was something she would have asked of Derrick.
Something she never would have needed to ask.
But Derrick was not here.
"Of course."
Luna took a breath.
She was still a leader.
And as long as Floukru existed, she would have a job to do.
A purpose.
And right now that purpose was tending to the dead.
Before the Sky People came, Floukru had only been witness to two deaths. A drowning and stillbirth. Now, in a matter of weeks, Luna had been forced to say the rites of the dead more times than she could ever have imagined. A part of her was certain that she was trapped within the most realistic of nightmares - and one which she would wake from at any moment. But the stench of sickness and death was far too vivid for anything her imagination could conjure, the pain in her stomach too profound. And whilst Luna's mind could be a most inhospitable place at times, she couldn't see even it producing the likes of this.
('Right now, you are in a nightmare. . . ')
It wasn't a nightmare.
But a part of her still clung to the threadbare hope that it was. That she would wake.
That it would end.
Swallowing, Luna forced herself to walk away.
Raven threw the last piece of ceramic in the bin. "Honestly, the worst part of this whole post-radiation sickness thing is that Luna knows. She knows about the fucking risks."
She kicked the bin back under her bed with a little too much force.
Murphy squinted. "Isn't that a good thing?"
Raven let out a noise of frustration, throwing up her hands. "No, because if she knows then that means she's decided it doesn't matter. Her own well-being doesn't matter. And just over a week ago that wasn't the case. She was all ready to pack her bags and walk away until I convinced her to stay. So what the fuck changed?"
You.
You caused the change.
If you hadn't spouted off some spiel about humanity deserving a chance, Luna would be blissfully sunbathing on a beach somewhere right now. Not here. Currently battling her way through yet another sickness.
Raven hissed, driving her finger into her mouth. The blood was starting to drip down onto her hand and that was a mess she didn't need to deal with right now.
Murphy's expression was inscrutable as he watched her. "There's a difference between being sacrificed and being self-sacrificing. Pretty sure you'd know that better than anyone or you would have happily let Mount Weather drain you dry." Raven flinched at the reminder, at how casually it came. No one else would ever be so blunt with her. So utterly lacking in sensitivity. "But you're letting that thing inside your head eat away at your brain because you can't let go of the idea that you might actually be able to save us. At least Luna's version of self-sacrifice isn't going to get her killed. She'll feel like shit for a little while but then she'll be fine. Doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her own well-being anymore, just that she's decided to temporarily place something else above it. Something that matters to her more." Murphy sent her a look that was a little too pointed. A little too cutting. "You're the one who asked her to stay. To give a crap. You can't be pissed at her for doing exactly that."
Fuck it.
He was right.
Why did Murphy have to be right?
Dude could have at least waited until after she'd croaked it to finally go and grow a brain.
Raven sighed. "I preferred it when all you did was talk shit."
He sneered. "Sorry to disappoint. But seriously, you can't put your health on the line and then get all bent out of shape when other people do the same."
Very true.
Just not a truth Raven was confident she'd be able to abide by.
Murphy shrugged. "Besides, she's not just doing it for us. She's doing it for herself." He glanced away. "She doesn't want to be the last person on earth. Don't know why. Sounds like a sweet deal in my opinion. But she's a little weird."
It took all of Raven's willpower not to roll her eyes. "Yeah, right. You wouldn't last a week without Emori."
Another shrug. "Emori and I are a package deal. When it comes to survival, we count as one person."
He smirked at the irritated look on her face
"That's not how it works."
"Does for us. Guess we're just special."
Special in the way a cockroach who'd survived the nuclear apocalypse was special.
Right. "It boggles the mind that someone hasn't killed you yet. Like how can you be this annoying and no-one's taken a gun to you?"
"Just because you find me annoying doesn't mean everyone else does. Most people think I'm awesome."
She stared. "No. They don't."
Murphy winked.
"Ai giv ai op. . . "
They turned to Luna whose features were, to her great relief, still relaxed.
"Kom lanik-de."
Raven stared.
"She meditates in her sleep. Of course she does."
Murphy snorted. "Beats screaming."
Her brow furrowed. "There hasn't been any screaming."
She would have noticed if there'd been screaming. Screaming was the kind of thing that you noticed.
Murphy ignored her. "So can I go now? Seeing as she's returned to her infuriatingly tranquil self."
He went to pull away-
"Don't you fucking move." Raven pointed a finger at him. "You're here until she wakes up. I'm not taking the chance that things will go to shit again."
Murphy groaned, throwing his head back. "Emori and I had plans tonight."
She did not want to know what those plans entailed. "The same Emori who just threw a bucket of ice water at your face?"
That made him pause. "You're right. Best to stay here." He shuffled closer to Luna, who was still murmuring under her breath, brow knitted with concentration.
It was kind of cute.
You know, if Raven was in the business of noticing such things.
Which she wasn't.
"What the hell did you even say to her?" And could he say it again so that Raven could actually catch it on tape this time? Maybe she could bribe Emori to do a repeat.
"That's the thing, I don't know!" Murphy waved his hands, nearly whacking Luna in the face. "All thanks to Little Miss Conveniently Asleep here."
Raven's mouth curved. "Luna did say that she and her brother used to play tricks on Titus. Maybe you're the new Titus."
"Hey." His gaze snapped to her. "Too far."
She snorted a laugh.
"I'm not even bald."
"I don't know. . ." Raven peered at him. "I think you're starting to lose a little in the back there."
Murphy scowled.
There was a knock, the door popping open as Abby poked her head inside. She immediately frowned at the sight of Raven up and about. "I was hoping you'd be asleep by now."
Then why the fuck would you knock?
Cos that was nothing less than a surefire way to wake her up.
"Kind of hard to sleep when your cellmate is having nightmares." Okay, so there was a little too much venom in that retort.
Abby ignored this, eyes traveling to Luna - and promptly stopping short. "John?"
He grimaced, offering a slight wave. "Doc."
She blinked.
Raven shrugged when Abby turned to her for explanation. "Like I said, she was having nightmares. Had to get creative."
To Abby's credit, she quickly composed herself and reached for the thermometer on the bedside table. "Well, it seems to be working." She pointed the tool at Luna, mouth drawing up a moment later when it beeped. "The medication also appears to be working. Her fever's gone down two degrees."
Something tight inside Raven loosened and she released a sigh.
"I'll just check her pulse and blood pressure and then leave you be. Yours too, Raven."
Damn.
"I'm fine. Seriously, I feel a lot better."
"I'll be the judge of that."
Of course she would.
Sighing, Raven slumped onto the bed, watching as Abby went about her routine checks. There was something disconcerting about watching her handle Luna whilst she was completely unaware. It shouldn't have been. Abby was only doing her job. Only helping. And, hell, Murphy was fucking cuddling Luna.
But still, a strange nausea began to build inside her. For a moment, the walls of the room disappeared, white shifting and blending to violent blue, the bed Luna resided on morphing into a glowing slab; cold, hard, unforgiving. Raven's hand tingled with warmth, something soft brushing against it. The familiar sensation of icy skin.
Flinching, she looked down-
Nothing.
Not even a rumpled tip of blanket.
Eyes wide, Raven's gaze snapped back to the others.
The earlier image was gone. The blue erased. Harsh metal soft and full once more. Everything having returned to its rightful state.
What-
Luna breathed steadily under Murphy's watchful eye as Abby drew her stethoscope away. "Everything looks fine."
What the fuck?
She was losing it.
She was fucking losing it.
Swallowing, Raven squeezed the bedsheets under her hand. Cool and rough between her fingers.
They didn't feel right.
(the phantom sensation of soft skin, molding to hers as guilt opened like a vortex in her chest, sucking her into the depths of defeat-)
"Your turn, Raven."
She blinked, said nothing as the doctor approached her. Or when she went about her checks.
Abby paused, frowning. "You okay?"
"Sure." Raven nodded. Because she was, wasn't she? "Just feel like I forgot something."
Abby squeezed her arm sympathetically, offering a smile. "It'll come back to you."
Not if my fucked up brain has anything to say about it.
It was the seizures. Had to be.
Just more of A.L.I.E.'s fucking bullshit.
If she could hallucinate spacewalks, why not this?
Shit. Was she in the middle of a seizure right now?
"Yeah." The blood pressure cuff cutting into her arm felt real enough.
Maybe she'd fallen asleep.
Standing up.
And somehow wandered into the land of REM in less than a minute?
Yeah, right.
Raven's eyes darted to Luna once more, assuring herself that nothing had changed. That everything was as it should be. "Luna's okay?"
"She's fine." Abby smiled again and Raven felt a twist in her gut. The kind that came when she wasn't supposed to trust something. But there was nothing here not to trust. "I think she'll be feeling a lot better when she wakes up. You, on the other hand, are running a little high on the blood pressure."
Raven grunted. "Yeah. Stress will do that."
And talking about her sex life with Murphy was pretty fucking stressful.
Her eyes strayed to Luna once more, just to check. Just to make sure.
The bed was still there.
Everything was still there.
Raven exhaled. "I'm fine."
Abby pursed her lips but apparently knew better than to argue with her. "Get some sleep, okay? It's not a suggestion. Your body needs the rest."
"Right. Sure."
We'll see.
Little more was said as the doctor packed up her things and left, sparing her one last glance. Raven pretended not to see the concern.
Sighing, she returned her gaze to Luna and Murphy - the latter of whom was watching her through narrowed eyes.
For an asshole, he could be awfully fucking perceptive sometimes. Usually, when you least wanted him to be.
Raven ignored him.
There was something tight and knotted inside her. A heavy coil that felt an awful lot like guilt. She couldn't place where it had sprung from.
Why all of a sudden nothing felt right.
Her eyes strayed to Luna again who - despite Abby's assurances - still looked like she'd been dragged through hell by the feet. "I'm the reason she's sick."
That has to be it.
The reason for the guilt that now seemed determined to choke her.
Murphy frowned. "What?"
Raven sighed. "Luna. I'm the reason she's sick."
"Yeah. . ." he drew out, "I'm gonna need more than that."
She huffed. "You were right - about me nearly drowning her. I tripped and she went to help me and I ended up sort of," Raven winced, "falling on her."
"Smooth."
"Murphy."
"Oh come on, it's not like she's going to hold it against you - it's Luna."
True. But that was hardly the point. "I don't know, something tells me she could probably hold a hell of a grudge. She's pretty intense."
Murphy snorted
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. Just that Luna said the same thing about you. . . you're kind of perfect for each other."
"Oh, fuck off." Raven huffed, standing up and pacing the room. Luna thought she was intense? Was that a good intense or a bad intense? "Why the hell are you so invested in this, Murphy?"
"I told you. I'm bored."
She groaned, head falling back-
"And if you must know, Emori and I have a bet."
And snapping back up again.
"I'm going to fucking kil-"
"Ah ah ah-" he held up a finger. "You can't kill me, I'm holding Luna. She needs my services, remember?"
Raven wrinkled her nose. "No need to make it sound so gross - and you can't hide behind her forever. She's going to wake up eventually."
And personally, Raven couldn't wait. Maybe that would shake this sick feeling from her gut.
"True. But I feel that she would be very upset with you if you killed me."
That was. . . not incorrect.
Luna frowned on killing.
It was sort of her thing.
And for some inexplicable reason, she also seemed to have adopted Murphy - like some snarky, flea-bitten stray.
Raven huffed, turning away. "We'll see."
Maybe if she asked Luna super nicely she'd bend that little rule just this once. For the good of all humanity.
Or at least for the good of her sanity.
"You guys really should fuck."
Raven's eyes widened as she whirled around. "Murphy!"
Her gaze darted to Luna who, so far, still hadn't stirred.
So far.
"You can't just say shit like that when she's right there."
"Oh come on, we've already established that nothing will wake her. It's fine."
"It's not fine. Those drugs are over a century old. Who knows if they'll actually hold up for the full ten hours that Abby said they would."
He sighed before poking his bedmate in the cheek again. "Luna, wake up! Roan and Clarke are here and they want to have a threesome!" Her face screwed up a moment before flattening out once more. A minute passed. "Yeah. She's not waking up."
Raven wrinkled her nose. "Gross, Murphy. We're trying to put a stop to the nightmares, not give her even worse ones."
"Good point. Speaking of good points, I'm serious - you guys should fuck. Get it out of your system."
She groaned, reaching for her glass of water to take a sip. Maybe the cool liquid sensation would distract her from his voice. "I hate you."
"Oh, that reminds me. Apparently, Luna thought I was trying to have a threesome with her and Emori."
Raven choked. Loudly.
Flailing desperately as water poured down her windpipe.
"Yeah, that was my reaction."
Coughing and sputtering, she lowered the glass from her mouth. "Emori would kill you," she managed.
"That's what I said!"
Unbelievable.
What kind of nightmare had she woken up in?
A threesome? With Murphy?
Raven felt vaguely sick.
You know what? Screw their bet. Seizures, if you're out there, now would be a really good time to pay a house call.
"And can you believe she turned us down? Emori and me."
Raven raised a brow at his tone. "You sound insulted."
"You know, I am a little. I mean, who wouldn't want this?" He ran a hand down the front of his body and Raven shuddered.
"Luna, apparently."
"And yet she wants you. Weird. One would definitely say she has questionable taste."
"She doesn't want me." Of that much, Raven was certain. "And I'd say the fact that she doesn't want you is proof that she does have taste. Superior taste."
"Well, you would say that."
Raven narrowed her eyes. "Wait. . . do you want her?"
Again, that brief flicker of jealousy stirred in her gut.
It was ridiculous, really. Even if Murphy did want Luna, she very clearly wasn't interested in him. Ergo, nothing would come of it.
Not to mention, as much as Raven hated to admit it, he was obviously head over heels for Emori. She couldn't see him vaporising their relationship for something so stupid.
Not that it mattered.
What should Raven care about Murphy or Luna's feelings for each other, anyway? What should she care if they did get together?
She may be feeling the tiniest bit of attraction for Luna right now but it didn't mean anything. Nor would it ever amount to anything.
At the end of the day, this had nothing to do with her.
Murphy's face scrunched up at her question. "God, no. She's much too hippyish for my taste. Really not my type."
Raven had to take a breath.
"So let me get this straight. You don't want her - but you're butthurt that she doesn't want you?"
"Mostly I'm just concerned for her mental state."
"Because she doesn't want you?"
"It does make one question things."
Raven rolled her eyes.
The ego on this dick. Though she had a sneaking suspicion he was just trying to rile her up.
"There is something fundamentally wrong with you."
Murphy beamed. "I've always thought so."
Of all the people who had to survive being sent to the ground, why did he have to be one of them? Did the universe really have it out for her that much?
"Anyway, guess this means you're still in with a shot. Considering she's opting to pass up this fabulous specimen . . ." He ignored her gagging. "All the more reason for the two of you to bang. It doesn't seem right that she's putting all this effort into helping us and no-one's offered to show her a good time. That someone could be you. And I'd say she'd very much like that someone to be you."
"Murphy. . ."
"I'm serious. Look, just tell her the truth about your fastly approaching use by date - and let her use you."
Raven sent him a look. "Very funny."
"No really. I think a good fuck would do you both some good. If there's too much sexual tension, get rid of the sexual tension. Bang it out. Simple as that."
Oh, hell no.
It was the farthest thing from simple.
Sure. They could have sex. And, yes, Raven would probably really fucking enjoy it. But she doubted it would go the way of Bellamy. Didn't think she could screw Luna and then expect her to pretend like nothing had happened.
Couldn't be certain their friendship would survive that.
For starters, they actually had a friendship. She and Bellamy had been reluctant allies back when they'd fucked. And it hadn't been about him at all. She'd just been trying not to think of Finn. To get over Finn.
In this instance, she'd be trying to get over an attraction by actually sleeping with the object of that attraction.
And maybe Murphy was right. Maybe that would be enough. Maybe it would get it out of her system.
Or maybe it would have just the opposite effect.
What if sex with Luna was like a drug? Raven sure as fuck didn't want to get hooked on her.
Murphy continued, oblivious to her thoughts, "I really think it would solve a lot of your problems."
No. No, it really wouldn't.
Because what if. . . what if by some impossible twist of fate they did end up having sex? And what if nothing changed? What if this feeling in Raven's chest every time she was around Luna - every time she thought about her - didn't go away?
What then?
Raven would really rather not find out.
"I'm going to sleep," she decided, turning to face the refuge of her bed.
Murphy grunted. "Finally."
She froze. "Was. . . was this a fucking tactic to get me to go to bed?"
He stared back at her unrepentantly. And there was just enough smugness in the curve of his mouth to make her want to smack it from his face.
The absolute-
Tomorrow. When Raven got out of here tomorrow, she was finding a rock to hurl at Murphy's head.
A really fucking big one.
Grumbling, she laid down.
"For the record this little resistance thing you've got going on? Doomed to fail. If the feelings are there, they're there. Not much you can do about that."
Raven closed her eyes, blocking him out.
She was never talking to Murphy about anything ever again.
Never ever again.
Wall of silence.
There was the sound of rustling blankets and Raven's eyes snapped open, just in time to see Luna start to shift.
Was she-
Raven's eyes widened. Oh shit, she was waking up. She'd heard them, she'd-
Luna turned over-
and wrapped her arms around a wide-eyed Murphy's waist, planting her cheek on his chest and practically crushing him against the mattress. Actually, for all intents and purposes, it looked like he now was the mattress. And the pillow. A mattow.
Raven snorted once it became clear that Luna wasn't anywhere close to waking up. "Okay there?"
There was a grunt as Murphy tried to free one of his arms, the panicked look now gone from his face. "She's kind of heavy."
"Mm. She also drools."
The panic look returned.
Yeah, okay. She felt much better about going to sleep now.
A/N: Sorry, Murphy. It's gonna be quite a while before your wishes come true. Points for perseverence, though.
"Why. . . are you doing this?" is a direct quote from the scene where Luna is being tortured by A.L.I.E. which is why it's in English. So you can guess what she's dreaming about.
SPOILERS AHEAD (sort of)
So I'm currently proofreading/editing older chapters (very slowly) and I noticed that in chapter 12 I had in the author's notes that Raven and Luna won't be having sex in this fic. Well, I have good news for you. I wrote that chapter back when this fic was supposed to be much shorter than it actually will turn out to be and I've changed quite a few things since then and added a lot in. Originally, Luna and Raven were never going to evolve past kissing (not in this particular fic) but I've changed that (spoilers). So hopefully that's some good news for some of you if you were hoping for that. I can't say that it'll be any good - I suck at writing that stuff - but it turned out to be important for the story.
