CHAPTER X

Now that she was sitting on her bed and watching her, she could see that Ilva had considerably improved after being thoroughly cleaned up, especially having now part of her respiratory system emptied from fluids that solidified there as a result from immovability. It was the only reason why her breathing returned to normal, however, Elia knew it'd only last for a certain amount of time before getting worse.

Quite down, she sighed. You have not gone yet, and I miss you terribly, troublemaker, she said in her heart. It was so strange to see her laying there so still, as if she wasn't there or even making her believe it was someone else. Because Ilva Stoltz had been the most lively and energetic person she had ever met. Her impetuous nature and kind personality were like her own signature; she never feared being mocked nor care to fit into society, but she always defended those who did. And all she ever wanted was to fight and see beyond those walls.

Elia leaned her back on the wall, craving for some miracle, one she knew, wouldn't happen. Filled with nostalgia, she looked around and to a part of the living-dining room from where she was, seeing her little sister and both of her parents there. Every corner of that house was full of memories, ones that made her feel empty at this moment.

Despite not being hungry at all, Elia got up and went to get something to eat. She opened the pantry's door and again, images of them assaulted her. The most vivid one showed her father saving something for later, but when he got back there, he couldn't find a thing, so he called his wife and asked for help, explaining before how certain he was this time he didn't misplace anything. And the next morning, when she or her mother kept busy while cleaning the house, they used to find some proof that would give her sister away about the theft.

But the pantry was intact now, so it'd be the next morning, the next one, and so on. It'd remain the same and that hurt enormously.

"It'd be wonderful if we could go back in time" she mumbled after coming back with no food. The woman was lacking appetite at that moment "I know you cannot talk to me, and I don't even know if you can hear me, but if you do, I just wanted to remind you how much I love you, sis".

Elia closed her eyes and recalled the last chat they had late at night, inside their room; Ilva shared how frustrating was to stay behind.

"This was my chance, and I blew it" the girl said, onto her bed and curled herself into a ball.

"You're way too young, so you'll have more opportunities in the future" Elia assured her and threw a pillow at her to tease her "And you didn't blow anything, silly. Humans get sick, as well as any other living thing, and that's not your fault".

"Hey! I'm sick remember?!" her sister complained with a fake horrified expression but then surrendered a despondent smile "But I guess you're right" she seemed slightly better now "However, you're wrong about something, sis" Ilva said, this time gloating.

"Which is…" Elia raised an eyebrow, curious. But she was content for cheering her up a little. Despite her own wory about the real and unknown implications behind the rare illness.

"There's someone I know who doesn't get sick" the girl said, smirking at her and then looking offended when Elia rolled her eyes and threw one of her clean socks at her, already knowing the answer…

And that very same person was one of the two looking after her, trying to help, just because he wanted to.

Tears came to her eyes, the same she'd been holding back for days, and she couldn't take it no more. She needed to cry or might end up having a nervous breakdown any minute. And so, she did for quite a while as she laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling without really seeing anything.

By the time she felt calmer, Elia thought about singing something to her, but her voice was too broken to do it. In fact, she realized just then that whenever she sang, it was because of her; Ilva was the only person whom she was never afraid to make a fool of herself when it came to the other inherited gift from her father's side. But deep down, Elia was only justifying her fear to do something she felt so personal.

"C'mon, sis. You always brag about not caring what people say but now you're being ridiculous" her sister said, but not trying to make fun of her "You have a beautiful voice, just like me, and depriving the world from it it's a big shame. I'm sure the guys won't laugh at you, I promise. And if they do, I'll make sure they regret it"

That was months ago, during her last birthday celebration. To which the Mösers' were invited to spend a nice time, and also show off the delicacies she was always talking about.

Elia wiped away the tears from her face with her sleeve, regretting not ever telling her that her fear to be heard wasn't exactly that. What scared her was that she felt too exposed; singing felt too intimate, as if she were showing her own soul through it, thereby, allowing whoever heard it to hurt her.

"Nah. It's ok" Elia heard her voice inside her head and pictured perfectly well that big smile on that cheerful, warm-looking face. Reassuring her she shouldn't feel bad about it.

The healer opened her eyes and her stomach rumbled, reminding her she must eat to continue, appetite or no appetite. Food is sacred! Once again, her voice echoed in her thoughts, loud and clear. Elia half cried and laughed at the same time but nodded obediently as went back to the kitchen for something light.

Her day passed by fast after that, concentrating herself into Ilva's care, cleaning their room, doing the dishes, and some laundry. When the clock hit 8PM the ambient got cooler, so she got her favorite sweater, knitted by her own mother, and lighted up most of the candlesticks on the walls, including the little one on their bedside table.

A couple minutes later, she heard a familiar knock on the door; a sound that made her unconsciously rejoice because she knew who it was.

"Good evening, sir" she greeted and allowed him to enter.

And as usual, he first nodded and proceeded to leave his few belongings near the entrance.

"Did something happen?" the soldier asked her after turning in her direction and looking at her better under the indoor lights. His steel-blue eyes first showed a bit of shock and then went back to that steady gaze.

"No, sir. So far, she's all the same" the healer shared and waited until he hanged his jacket on the coatrack nearby.

"You need to be ready. You surely know better than me, but her condition will only get worse" he began to say, looking in her direction.

Elia looked into his eyes, measuring his words. It didn't seem like he wanted to alarm her, but rather prepare her.

"I think I've been ready ever since she announced her joining the Corps" Elia said to him, in all earnest and glimpsed part of the grief he probably had inside "Finding her again was a miracle. And even knowing what's going to happen, I'm glad for the chance to look after her and be able to say goodbye".

That was the truth. Enough was knowing her parents were gone and there was nothing about them except for a document she got by mail, confirming their deaths. So, it was impossible not to indirectly try to express her gratitude one of the people who made it happen, who had done plenty in the short time they knew each other.

"Good. Because reality is a bitch… most of the time" Levi said, reinforcing his previous conjecture about her not giving up, and experiencing an unusual relief for it..

"Indeed, it is" she conceded, now that both were inside that room and looking at her "Wanting to extend her life, in the state she is in... is not really living".

"And still, many selfish bastards would prefer it" she heard him say meanwhile taking a seat on the chair. She did the same on her own bed.

"Guess that's how you know if you truly love that person, even if she means everything in your life" Elia focused on her hands, resting on her thighs "But seeing them like this, unable to at least talk to them... It's like having no one really".

"Certainly" the Captain muttered, looking at the girl but seeing his own mother instead, sick on that old cot, dying alone.

He remembered himself in the corner of that hovel, crying for not knowing what to do and seeing no one cared. It was then he recalled this woman's exhausted face and saddened eyes when he arrived, a couple minutes before; she had been crying the same way.

"I'll take it from here" he announced, rolling up the sleeves of his grey t-shirt "Any specific indications?"

Elia looked at him, who seemed ready to take her orders, which was a bit funny for her. However, since the situation and her mood were far from such emotion, she couldn't smile.

"Just hydrating her, and rearranging the pillow every two hours, sir" she said. She had Ilva's care under control before his arrival.

"Got it" he complied with and looked directly into her eyes for a moment, a contact she broke by looking away. The stilly intensity in his gaze didn't scare her, but they gave the impression on seeing way too deep "I'll wake you up if there is any change. You better go to sleep now, lady".

Elia didn't understand her sudden shyness, but she soon let it go. She walked towards the girl and stroked her forehead fondly, moving some locks of her hair away from her eyes before retiring to her parent's bedroom. When she got to the bathroom and saw her reflection, Elia noticed her eyes were quite red and swollen. That's what probably got the Captain's attention before… she thought to herself, after covering with blankets and curling up to protect from the cold.

Once again, after more than decent sleep, she felt much better. It was near 6AM so she got ready in five minutes after the shower, knowing she overslept a little, but her body needed it. Nonetheless, Elia still worried about him not having enough time to rest, but he looked as calm as always, no trace of tiredness or anything. Which also assured there were no changes in Ilva.

"Better?" he asked when he heard her steps inside the room.

"Way better" she assured him, as he got up and headed out of the room "I don't remember waking up at any time".

For a millisecond, Elia could have sworn she saw the tiniest smile appearing in the Captain's face, but he walked out and headed to the bathroom, allowing her the time to check on her sister and assist her needs. It was a huge relief not needing to explain such things to him.

Once she made sure Ilva was as comfortable as possible, the healer went to the kitchen and came up with an idea, slightly different than just offering tea, as a way to show him some gratitude and respect. Hopefully, he'll have some… she said to herself, as she quickly worked on it.

"Last night was colder than the previous ones. So, I used the extra blankets to keep your sister warm, but I removed them an hour ago" Elia startled at the sound of his voice.

The woman looked in that direction and caught him under the doorstep, leaning against the small kitchen's doorframe, observing her movements in complete silence.

"Indeed, it was. I hope you saved one for yourself as well" Elia said and he nodded but looked aside; he was probably lying.

Elia shook her head, giving up on that and returned to what she was doing and decided to say something.

"I was hoping you could join me for a couple minutes for breakfast" she offered "It'd be nice to eat with someone, for a change".

She wouldn't have put it that way but being literal and plainly tell him she wanted to somehow repay his kindness, certainly was the wrong choice.

Her hospitality was the least she could do for both, Petra, and him. And to her surprise, she felt him approaching and Captain Levi stopped a few steps behind her now, looking at the empty plates she had onto the small counter.

"Anything I can help with?" she heard him "Out of cooking, of course. Unless you don't fear getting ill or poisoned".

Elia turned a little and stared at him, considering the joke. Except he was being extremely serious; the circumspect stare and arms crossed said so.

"That bad?" So, there is something this man cannot do… Elia looked to the pan she was holding and knew they were finished. And they were good; at least the smell was delicious. "If you could hand me those dishes for now, please" she pointed and the same he'd been looking before.

"Frankly, I'd not risk anyone's life with it" he stated, shamelessly while he did what she asked.

"Lack of the ability or you just don't like it? Elia asked, considering the possible options for the topping "By the way, would you prefer something salty or sweet?"

"My culinary skills are non-existent" he responded to the first question and, by the way he thoughtfully touched his chin, he was trying to decide "I haven't tried anything sweet in a while".

"Alright then. I'll take these to the table" she indicated after grabbing some fruit and maple syrup from the pantry "The teapot is ready. So, you may bring that along with two cups in the meantime, sir".

As usual, he nodded and did as ask before she left him in the kitchen. The man wasn't very sociable or communicative, but throughout the last days in his company, she realized it was a matter of how to approach him.

Elia hurried to slice pieces of banana and placed them on top those thin flat cakes before finally pouring a small amount of syrup over them. She removed her apron and left it on the chair next to her.

"Perhaps it was rude from my part not to ask you if you can keep me company. You must be tired too" she voiced to him as soon as he got there, sat in front and stared at her for a couple seconds.

"It's Sunday" he replied, as if it were nothing special or important. And then she saw him studying the food "And I can sleep later".

"Really? I think I've lost track of days here because I had no idea it was Sunday already" she smiled apologetically. And a dormant part of her felt some sort of little joy to understand he stayed because he simply wanted to "I don't know if you like them, but if you don't, feel free to say so, sir" she clarified while putting a napkin on her lap.

Elia wasn't the best cook but at least she was sufficiently competent. Besides, these were one of Ilva's favorites, and the woman liked the idea of sharing them with her hero. Somehow, this situation made her feel closer to the girl. That's what she'd been thinking about when she noticed him serving both of them a cup of tea. She grabbed hers and took a sip, discreetly looking how he was meticulously cutting little pieces and afterwards taking one to his mouth.

"What is this?" he didn't exclaim but his eyes gave away a pleasant surprise for a couple seconds. And then he had another, secretly savoring it "What are they made of?" his enthusiasm made him look like a kid trying something tasty for the first time. A very quiet kid though.

"These are pancakes, one of my sister's favorites" Elia replied, having one herself now and looking at her room for an instant. Fortunately, they were very good, and she was glad of the result "And is just flour, eggs, milk, and a bit of oil. Now, the toppings depend on the person. My previous question was about that".

"You make it sound like a simple thing, but I doubt it is" said Levi, with certain sarcasm in his expression before continuing with another bite.

He had not even touched his tea yet, so she suspected he had some before she woke up. Though later and holding his cup in that particular way of his, the man drank his tea only after finishing everything that was in his plate.

"Mmm well, it's not that hard" she wasn't going to make fun of him. His concentrated expression showed how serious he was "Nobody thought so possible, but our father succeeded after his seventh try" she shared with a certain melancholy.

"Was it your mother then?" the soldier asked and dissipated her gloomy thoughts but she looked a bit lost at his question "You learnt to cook from her, I mean".

"I did. Although, teaching me, like she giving lessons, not really. This was similar to how I learnt healing: watching closely" the healer clarified "She always claimed the secret was enjoying the process". Elia saw her smile in her head.

"So, like you, she was a healer and a cook as well" the Captain summarized, gazing at his hands, a bit thoughtful.

"I mean, she knew how to cook, and she was always pampering us all, but that happened mostly during special occasions, like a birthday dinner. Our mother was mostly busy with work, specially visiting sick and elderly people".

"Whenever you mention them, you ignite or something" Levi said "But I guess it makes sense. You know by own experience what it's like to help others" the muttered, a bit self-absorbed as he leaned on the table, his chin on his hand as he looked to the right and to the window, contemplating the darkness outside, that was soon to be completely gone.

Elia stared at him, trying to figure out what he meant with that last statement. And as always, his tired-looking eyes were the key: the man at the other side of the table was full of self-doubt. Not the kind related to seeking people's approval but rather his own, consequence of several traumas.

Captain Levi may be the best soldier, the strongest man and people's hope, but beneath all that he was still as human as any.

"As do you" she said before emptying her cup, aware of how he turned to her. Elia continued to pick up everything, denying him the chance to refute "With your permission" they didn't take long for breakfast, but she needed to go back to Ilva.

The healer got rid of what little residues laid on the plates and left everything in the sink to soak before going to the bathroom.

She noticed he was keeping an eye on her sister in the meantime, so she went back to the kitchen. Elia was going for the rubber gloves but all of a sudden, a pair of hands appeared from behind and got them first.

"I may not cook but I'm good at this" He moved a step back and gave her space.

She turned and saw him put them on, and to her amusement, he was already wearing the apron she left in the other room. Elia would have smiled, but the unexpected movement and closeness from before had her still a bit astonished.

"Alright, sir. It'd appreciate you letting them drip-dry. If not, they remain somewhat damp and kinda stink later" she advised him and headed out, to Ilva's side.

Elia had no idea that this last comment of hers amused that man, who was now doing the dishes with a barely noticeable crooked smile in his face.


What she'd said just before leaving him alone piqued his curiosity. For she deliberately stopped him from doing anything, without even saying a word. And so Levi just walked towards the girl's room while trying to figure it out by himself and didn't succeed. Reason why he walked into the small kitchen with the sole intention to directly ask but ended up deciding to do this for her; either way, he liked anything cleaning related.

Once the dishes were done, Levi returned to where both sisters were. He stood near the door, waiting for her to finish cleaning, and disinfecting the multiple cuts that seemed better.

The Captain moved to sit on the chair and the woman did it on her own bed. He glanced the way she looked at him out of the corner of her eye, but then turned to her sister again.

"What did you mean back there?" he bluntly enquired, and she moved onto the bed so she could rest her back against the wall. He was certain she was taking her time to speak, especially after the way she just closed her eyes.

"Exactly what I said. That someone like you should know how that's like" the woman stated, absolutely serene and firm "You do it most of the time".

"Killing titans?" Levi couldn't help certain incredulity in his tone as he crossed his arms. His eyes went to the girl "It's not the same".

"The way thing works inside these walls, I daresay it's even more important" the Captain heard her contradicting but he kept staring in the same direction.

"I guess this is the part when you enlighten me" Levi muttered, challenging her "If you can".

"You may not see it as a public service, but it really is" she began, her tone was undoubtedly confident yet not arrogant "Especially your division".

The Captain didn't know what to say, and she probably sensed his confusion and so decided to explain better.

"The day we were attacked, I got to see and face what my sister and you, and many others, have to fight continuously out there. You may say that's nothing, but for a regular citizen just like me isn't the same, because we thought the entire militia could fight those things. However, the truth is most soldiers that day succumbed, and others were willing to abandon us, for the same reason the woman I ran into during the evacuation did: raw terror. She was desperately trying to get her husband from under a huge rock that crushed him, unable to accept he was dead. I tried making her come to her senses, but it was pointless. It was only when she saw the Titans approaching from afar that she finally snapped out of the shock and ran, forgetting about everything" Levi was listening attentively to every word, he could even picture the whole situation. She sighed "Whoever planned that, did it knowing the Scouts would be far away; many lives would have been saved otherwise. And it's the reason why I believe you represent the hope for a future, because you truly sacrifice your hearts for us, consciously or unconsciously. The Survey Corps willingly venture into that horror, for others wellbeing, whether they are citizens, family, friends and comrades, alive or dead".

Levi was completely stunned at her words. She saw everything without knowing, and the most remarkable thing was the eloquence in her words about them and how sincere she was, despite her situation. He couldn't say anything about it, but he suspected the young soldier was behind that little but immensely important piece of information: they had an enemy. And this wasn't just stupid giants wandering around, devouring them.

"And you certainly do a lot, no matter your reasons. Your work and commitment have inspired other people. People like my sister" Levi wasn't looking at her. For some strange and inexplicable reason, he didn't dare do it "I haven't seen your abilities personally but if Ilva says you're the best fighter, I believe her. And if someone with talent happens to be also a good leader, well, that makes a great difference".

"I don't do this for the people…" he mumbled, unashamed. He was just honest but then he thought about orphans, single mothers, and innocent trash "Well, not for all the people" he corrected himself.

"Doesn't matter. You still fight for the weaker, and that's enough" the healer said "Your commitment and sacrifice mean life for many others. And nothing happens in vain, sir".

He couldn't do it before but this time he couldn't resist it. Levi turned to see her, absolutely moved by what she'd just said. The woman remained still, with her eyes closed and immerse in her own world. It was a moment he dared to admire her with no fear to be discovered, accepting he no longer control his thoughts, for it was impossible to bury somewhere inside his mind how inusual she was, both inside and outside.

It didn't matter how normal her attires were. That barely opened blouse underneath the navy-blue sweater just suited her, but her soft features and that braid falling gracefully over her left shoulder were something else. Her cross-legged position and her back on the wall transmitted freedom or abandonment, he couldn't tell but he liked both. If she was like this under such stress and a troubled heart, he could only imagine how fairer this woman would be when brimming with happiness. And he was certain she was happy before; it was clear in the way she always spoke about her family. Her eyes usually expressed the same and he inevitably found himself wanting to see his own reflection in them, but they were closed.

The frustration behind that wish was what got him to his senses, and his head automatically began to repress the stream of useless thoughts he'd just had.

Levi decided to refocus on the soldier's hand, a brave warrior's hand and this brought back the memory of that day, when another dying soldier just needed to hear his own death had served for a purpose.

"If it was in your power, would you have made your sister choose differently?" he just asked, wanting to know. He also wanted to hear her voice…something he refused to admit.

"I may be losing her, but I have the consolation of knowing she was truthfully happy about her decision and the cause she tried to defend, so my answer is no" her tone was full of peace and again, pride "Our choices are our truest freedom inside these walls, this prison… it's what she said, years ago".

"Sounds like she never considered something else" the Captain expressed, somewhat satisfied to know he was right about the Private; the girl was a promising fighter.

"I doubt it. Ilva had a strong will since childhood. She hated bullies and always had a soft spot for weak children… and weapons" she added, breathing out with a hint of a laugh "I don't think she had any other line of work in mind. And ever since she discovered what the Survey Corps worked for, her goal was to be a part of it".

"Someone with a noble nature" he said, unable to point out he thought the same of her. The paths were different, but their essence was the same.

"Indeed" she whispered. Only then opened her eyes to look at the girl with nothing but pure affection.

Great part of him wanted to stay there but he needed to leave soon, or he'd end up nuts by trying not to think about unnecessary gibberish at inopportune times. But once again, he couldn't deny he'd leave that place with an unexpected gift. Hope, perhaps? He had no clue. He didn't know such things.

Levi stood up, turned, and glanced at the clock on the wall. The hour hand pointed at eight now.

"I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight. Tomorrow is more likely" Levi already knew, she didn't demand anything from him but he wanted to inform her. The previous evening, Hange approached and requested his help to try certain experiments with Sonny and Bean. Something that involved moving them to safer grounds, which had to be done at night.

For fucks sake! he cursed in his head and made a face as he walked out of the room…I probably already lost it… cannot believe I remember the names she baptized those things with.

"That's ok, sir" she'd followed him near and stood a couple steps away while he was putting his jacket.

"Thanks for the food. It was good" the Captain said, unsure to stare directly to her eyes at that moment, recalling his own wish from minutes before. Levi feared thinking more stupid things, and he already had an unexpectedly pleasant morning to now cope with the unknown restlessness emerging inside him at times.

He saw the healer nod, but she seemed she'd just remembered something because she dedicated him a subtle gesture, asking him to wait a little. Two minutes later, she was back and holding kind of a small box that was covered with a piece of dark cloth and tied on top, easy to transport.

"Take it, please" she offered while holding it with both hands towards him "There were six left so I'm just sharing some. I'd have put fruit aside, but bananas tend to decompose way too quickly so it's better for you to pick whichever you prefer instead"

Levi was going to tell her that it wasn't necessary because she wouldn't have much time to cook later, but just then, there was a knock on the entrance door.

Naturally, they both looked in that direction and then at each other. And judging by her face, she was as surprised as he was to have someone calling so early on a Sunday.

He saw her walking to him, suddenly placed the object in his hand and walked over there to open.

"Elia, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner!" cried out a very familiar voice in a rather unusual speed. She spoke before the door was even completely opened and she entered without looking around. The petit woman he worked with was carrying a big bag with her "I was going to come yesterday but I had to go home, and dad didn't..."

Levi cleared his throat to warn her about his presence, and only then she finally found him. He got a bit exasperated by the way his subordinate opened and closed her eyes several times, as if she couldn't believe what she was staring at.

"I'll be going now" he announced, deciding to obviate the stupefy expression in the redhead's face "Good day, Petra".

"Ca…Captain" she stuttered the moment he walked past her to grab the doorknob. Levi Stopped and turned his face towards the householder.

"Miss" he voiced his farewell and nodded once, as usual.

She imitated him, as formal and grateful as always. She wasn't even remotely nervous, so he decided to follow her example and just let it go. No big deal, anyways…

The man opened the door but as soon as he did, there was a second person standing at the other side, blocking the way. A tall blond bearded idiot wearing the Military Police Brigade uniform, whom he generally couldn't really stand, and his raised eyebrow made it quite clear. However, to his amusement, the feeling was reciprocal; the subject was also not happy to see him.

"Garrett?" her voice distracted him and in a matter of seconds, the healer was standing beside him and involuntarily, Levi turned his head to see her. Good, at least she knows him. Therefore, he had nothing to worry about; for a brief moment, he thought he'd been looking for him, which meant he'd been followed. "What are you doing here?" She seemed more bewildered than anything else, but those eyes told him this dork represented no danger. Besides, Petra would stay.

"See you later" the Captain said and captured her eyes for an instant, until he saw her nod respectfully at him.

Realizing whatever thing happened there was none of his business, he took his chance, turned back to the exit and dedicated him one of his deadly weary looks.

"Are you going to move, or do you need my help?" Levi's tone seemed calmed, but the one called Garrett immediately stepped aside at his warning.

As soon as he turned in the corner of her street, he inevitably heard something rather pathetic.

"What's HE doing here?!" the Captain heard perfectly the whining from there "What's going on, Elia?"

Levi scoffed and continued his way, uninterested to hear whatever that idiot was saying now. However, to imagine what she might be saying to him at that precise moment, as if explaining herself, made him clench his fist. It was then he noticed that his hand was still holding what she'd given him.

The tension was gone the moment he looked at it and let out a snort of fun before resuming his way.


I believe I need a cup of tea myself now…

Namárië