CHAPTER XIX

The day had been rather hectic and difficult, yet she was pleased to see her city slowly returning to normal, without giving up, just as the she did. However, even with the positive news, Elia had been having trouble to sleep, resulting once or twice in insomnia but it was mostly nightmares that woke her restless in the middle of the night. She rarely remembered what happened in them; all she knew was that they were about her family, and the only thing that made some sense about this anxiety were the bittersweet feelings for leaving the house they'd lived in for most of her life.

All because she'd finally got a buyer. A family very similar to hers, except younger, who were also nice enough to grant her a month to find a new place for herself. Something she hadn't dedicated time at all; partly because the house wasn't small, and even when the price was rather fair, there weren't many buyers considering all that had happened in the past months, and also because of work. But this marriage got there thanks to Mr. Lee, from her part time job at the store, the same that wasn't working yet.

The silver lining at least was that these days, where exhaustion knocked her down, helped her sleep better and didn't leave room to think much. Besides, treating Commander Erwin's injury had been nothing but a pleasure. The man was truly an interesting person and all the conversations with him had allowed her understanding how incredibly clever he was, just like Ilva used to claim. Though, the only dispiriting thing about getting to know him a little, was realizing he was as lonely as Captain Levi, but in another way, as if he'd deliberately chosen to isolate himself and accepted it as part of his mission and life. In his eyes, there was no trace of sadness, only a firm resolve.

As for the soldier, well, that was a disheartening issue for sure.

It was during the second medical visit to HQ when she accidentally bumped into his presence the moment she entered Commander Erwin's room; he was right there, sitting on a chair beside the window and stood up in haste, visibly shocked to see her there. Elia had no idea if he was aware of his own reaction, but the woman got to witness with clarity how uncomfortable and unhappy he was to see her. He then eluded her eyes, barely looked at his friend and after just saying good evening to no one in particular, he walked out of there. You didn't even give me time to ask about your leg, Captain, she thought, discouraged. But as she put out her tools, she let that go to focus on her work.

True, it was still somewhere hidden in the back of her mind, but her patient helped a lot with his talking, especially when he showed his interest to learn about her opinions on different topics, such as her own field, her perspective as a civilian in this war and several more.

The following days and just as she'd predicted, she hadn't seen the soldier at all. Not even from afar. But since the recurrence of her visits were already established, she imagined the Captain figured this out to avoid seeing her, which hurt even more, convincing her that he maybe he regretted kissing her and could be why he got uneasy in her presence; it was the only thing that made sense and at the same time, didn't. Having an unwanted witness could be the reason too, but she had no way to know.

Elia looked at her father's pocket watch to make sure she hadn't delayed after that last-minute emergency at the hospital, but she was right on time, signing her name at the reception three minutes before 5PM.

The instant she reached Erwin Smith's room, the healer knocked and entered as soon as she heard him approve. That was the routine so far.

"Good evening, Miss Stoltz" the man greeted her, and she glanced at the bed, the same that was empty. She looked around and caught sight of him sitting at the table, surrounded by several books on top of it as well as some papers, scattered over the same area. Is he writing? she wondered, incredulous.

"Hello, Commander" she replied, walking in his direction to discreetly take a closer look while she left her bag on the other chair. When she confirmed he was indeed writing like a maniac, she looked at him quite stunned.

"I know, I shouldn't get out of bed, but my body is starting to hurt from laying for so long and just do nothing but read, talk or eat" he wasn't complaining. It was true his muscles sore from having no movement whatsoever. Plus, he got stressed when he wasn't giving his brain a good use "I'm sorry for misbehaving. I haven't moved much anyways, I promise" he offered to justify the expression the woman had on her face.

"I totally understand your need to exercise a little, sir. I'd actually recommend that you try flexing your legs while sitting or take short walks every two or three hours" she said and then there was a warning hint in her eyes "I mean, you can do that inside the room, to relieve some tension. And it'll help improve your circulation".

"So, you won't order me to go back to bed?" he asked, suspicious.

"No" she was gathering the right materials and tools for his wound care.

"May I ask then, why that expression a few seconds ago" he was curious for the answer.

"You're ambidextrous, aren't you?" the healer replied with another question. And he only nodded, not understanding "I was just impressed, sir".

Without thinking about it, Erwin snorted truly amused, but then just laughed when he noticed the confusion on her face. It was something he had not done in a very long time.

"My apologies, Miss. Is just that, it was fun to see how mistaken I was when I tried to interpret your expression earlier. I didn't imagine it was something as trivial as me being ambidextrous" he explained himself with a light shrug.

"It seems you have no idea that very few people manage such control over their body" she pointed out, quite sure of her statement "I don't even remember knowing anybody else..." she paused, tilted her head to the side and the subtle gleam in her eyes told him she'd just remembered something "Well, in fact there's one other person I knew. A teacher from school, but I was very young back then and believed anyone could do the same. But when I tried and didn't succeed, my mother told me it wasn't common ability".

"A teacher?" the blond asked this time, really intrigued by what he had just said. Could it be possible?

It was true that people with this skill weren't common, but when you end up learning it, you tended to forget about that. To Erwin, it was merely a useful thing, one his father taught him so long ago.

"Yes. A history teacher" Elia corroborated, stroking her chin in concentration.

"Do you remember his name?" Erwin insisted, aware of the pounding on his chest at the possibility that it was him she was referring to.

"Not really, no" she replied, trying to reach that piece of information in a corner of her mind but she got no luck "All I know is that he gave really long speeches, so we rarely got to participate during the lessons. And I only remember because one day he was writing on the board with one hand, and the next with the other, or changed every now and then, so we used to make bets on that" she admitted, somewhat embarrassed.

"I see" the blond muttered with a sad smile, considering it'd have been great to hear about him from someone else. But then he also did the math, recalling the detail about this woman being at least seven or eight years younger than him, which made it even more unlikely "I asked because my father used to be a teacher, and he was the one who taught me this technique" he shared, staring back at the paper he'd been writing before.

"Wow!" she seemed genuinely surprised, and surely thinking the same he had two minutes ago "Do you think it was the same person?" she enquired with sincere curiosity.

"No. My father passed away almost twenty-five years ago" Erwin replied, a little distressed by the memory of how he died, though he concealed his guilt. Only allowing her to see part of his grief.

"I am very sorry, sir" she said after adjusting her glasses to soon begin the routinary examination, but he knew she really meant it "Years may pass, but I'm sure you still miss him very much".

"There isn't a day when I don't think of him" he confessed, with a rueful smile.

"And you'll continue to do so until your last" she stated, with a knowing, wistful expression "However, you can always rejoice about having things in common with him. Commander and everything, you have that vibe of someone who has tons of knowledge to share. Like your ability, surely one of the many things you inherited from him. So, in a way, his essence lives on when his legacies do" the woman offered, both gentle and respectfully.

"I never thought so that way" he commented, feeling a little lighter, embracing the idea.

Although, what Erwin wasn't going to admit was that he'd have liked to follow his father's steps and career; an old dream from a kid that died along with him.

"No person who has been loved is ever truly dead, sir" this time, her tone, and the way she looked down showed she knew the feeling.

"Who do you miss?" he asked. It was always so easy to have an open conversation with this woman; the transparency of her emotions and eloquence were special.

"It's more than one person but my sister is always at the top of that list" it was the only thing she said, without details. But the pain he saw in those eyes showed it wasn't so long ago. Surely before our expedition to capture one of them, he thought, remembering the girl's name in in Levi's recruiting letter. He knew because she never showed up to that mission.

"My condolences on your losses, Miss" he offered sincerely, and she gave away a grateful sad smile in return "If I may be so bold, I'd like to say you should be proud of yourself, to keep on fighting and being this committed. As a soldier, I know it takes courage to die but sometimes it takes more to live".

He had done so himself, only his motive became his sole obsession; fulfilling his father's dream and prove he was right was the one way to redeem himself.

"I appreciate your words. But for the most part, it's my wish to honor them what drives me to not give up but sometimes it's a day-by-day struggle. I guess only time will tell if it'll be worth it" Erwin nodded slowly, understanding her resolution.

Seconds later, her countenance changed to that strict person, the same who managed to quiet an angry Levi some days ago, when she checked his leg "Now, if you'd be so kind, I need you to go to bed so I can treat you, sir".

Erwin got up to follow her in silence and smiled to himself, admiring that extraordinary force of hers, one that had nothing to do with physical strength, rank, or power. He daresay it was stronger than his, or even Levi's, because its nature came from a completely different source, like a loving family, for example. Whether she had one, both, or none of her parents and only her sister, he could tell she'd been happy and loved.

The man let her to do her job quietly, except for those occasional questions she made about his day, the malaises he'd experienced, all before the physiotherapy session in order to check his evolution.

A few minutes later, the man had his torso naked, but his stump and the right side of his chest and shoulder were covered in new bandages that she'd just tied.

"You're healing very well, Commander" she sounded so relieved while helping him to put on his white, baggy shirt.

When Erwin proceeded to button his clothes, he observed her storing the tools she always brought with her inside her bag, to later discard his old bandages.

"How long should I wait before I may go outside?" he dared to enquire, and she turned to glance at him, quite serious as she placed a tiny envelope with two pills, his antibiotics, onto his bedside table.

"Since things are currently at peace around here, I'd prefer you try not to take on more than you can afford for a couple more days. As I've explained, it's ok if you feel like wandering around here, sit down occasionally, and read or write. Nonetheless, these last two cannot exceed more than four to five hours per day. I'm serious, sir" she warned.

"I understand" he replied with an obedient nod.

"Good" the healer had just opened the door, ready to leave "I'll see you tomorrow, Commander Erwin. And don't forget your medicine at 8PM. The treatment won't work otherwise".

"8PM. Got it, Miss" he promised, though he couldn't restrain another snort that luckily, she didn't hear or maybe ignored, at her authoritarian tone and narrowed eyes. It was a clear I'll know if you didn't kind of staring.

She nodded once and closed the door behind her. And he sighed, looking at his empty room, somewhat tired of those four walls but resigned to listen and comply with the indications to heal sooner. There was much to be done, especially new things to find out and understand once he got to interview Historia Reiss, the next day.

He looked to where his arm was supposed to be and ignored the almost permanent itching sensation in his stump; according to the healer, that was normal, and an excellent sign of regeneration.

Elia Stoltz… he repeated in his mind, content about his idea to bring her here and the help provided by Mrs. Green, though he feared the elder woman misunderstood him a little. Erwin shook his head, a little humored but unable to change it. Besides, whether Levi continued to avoid her presence or not, he was still grateful to get to know her.

He had no siblings because his mother died when he was only a baby, but had life been different and this person existed, it was nice to imagine she could have shared a similar personality and strength to this woman.

No wonder why Levi let her in…

Only someone with such a kind but strong character would have been able to earn the respect of his comrade; with someone like Levi, that was always the first step. The rest came later, although judging by the first interaction he witnessed, the blond was quite sure there was more than what meets the eye, yet only his friend could tell. As for the healer, probably due to that beautiful sensitivity of hers, the one that made her considerate to others, was what helped seeing through Levi's hard-shell.

The Commander got up and began to wander around his room to waste a little energy, hoping for a better night's sleep; he had a couple sleep-inducing pills, though he just didn't like to depend on those regularly.

He breathed out, wearily but excited to know he'd receive Hange's first reports on Eren's hardening attempts. He looked at the time, noting it was only ten minutes before 6PM and Levi should be arriving with the documents soon.

He approached the window, admiring the way colors up in the sky were changing from light blue to many different shades of red, a sunset's call that brought back memories of some forgotten dreams of his youth.

Erwin had been so concentrated that he almost missed what was happening at the courtyard, where two figures he knew, were walking side by side and on their way out of the facilities.

Despite it was impossible for him to see their faces from a distance, he still smiled to see his friend finally daring to speak to her, even if he did away from his presence.


Right after closing the door behind her and turn to the left to be on her way out, she didn't count on seeing the soldier who evidently had been avoiding her for almost a week. Only four meters away, leaning on the opposite wall with his eyes closed, arms crossed, and a tiny frown on his face.

He's surely waiting for me to leave so he can go in, she thought a little disappointed, but still remembering she had chosen to give him space. It was pointless to try talking to him considering his reluctance to even share a common space with her. Even so, Elia knew he had nothing against her because this man wasn't like most; given his lonely nature and traumas, perhaps fear was too much and if that was the case, there was nothing to be done from her part. That was entirely on him to analyze and overcome, just like she had her own doubts and decisions to make, except hers weren't related to him.

The healer sighed and finally moved, very conscious of the distance that separated them, one that wasn't entirely physical; like the responsibilities both had to deal with, him particularly. Another reason why she doubted they'd ever get to have any contact again.

"You may pass now, sir" she stopped for two seconds and said that with a polite single nod to greet him before leaving. A gesture that was also a farewell.

Elia caught sight of the instant his eyes opened yet not the way he discreetly followed her with them, in absolute silence.

I don't bite, Captain, she said to him on the inside, with a smile that was both sad and a bit self-sarcastic since he wasn't even speaking to her now.

By the time she turned at the end of the hallway, Elia yawned and covered her mouth distractedly, but when she looked to the front again, she noticed him walking beside her. She barely glanced to confirm it but he seemed deep in thought, focused on where they were going. It was something she really didn't see coming because he just happened to be there out of nowhere. She wanted to laugh for a second at his uniqueness and the occurrence to sneak up on her like that, however, she refrained from doing it because it might scare him; just like stray cats did whenever a human tried to get closer.

Had it been any other person, she'd considerate it weird to continue like this without speaking to each other, but these kinds of attitudes were so like him. Although he rarely was this reserved and cautious, as if weighing up on the situation before saying whatever he wanted to say... If he ever planned on talking.

Elia smile on the inside, still looking ahead but enjoying his presence around; she didn't understand how or why, she just knew it soothed her. But within every step, the exit was nearer, and she still wanted to hear his voice before retiring.

"I'm glad you listened and stayed behind this time, sir" she confessed, knowing he might get angry "Having Commander Erwin this injured… it'd have been a terrible blow if anything happened to you too" she was going to say a blow to everyone, but despite that was true, she hoped he understood she'd meant to me.

There it was. That bothersome one word that he hated as much as this despicable situation of addressing each other with formality again; it caused an inexplicable emptiness in his guts. Although deep down and after hearing those last words, he ambitioned the idea of her caring that much instead of the population.

"Didn't have much option, really" he finally spoke, and just like she predicted, he was mad, but not at her "Erwin took way too seriously your indication not to let me participate".

"The Commander is a smart person. Even if I hadn't told him that, he'd have probably ordered you to stay nonetheless" they were reaching the end of the stairs now.

"Not smart enough to avoid getting his arm ripped off" the soldier scoffed but then he breathed out, resigned and weary "Though, at least the idiot returned in almost one piece" he hadn't been there, but he was aware of the mission's results; every soldier that made it back had been wounded somehow.

"Well, that was indeed quite a deed. Many of the patients described it differently but it's a famous story in the hospital and the one thing they all concur is how impressive he was" she shared, and then made a face but since they weren't looking to each other, he probably didn't see "The bad part is that most of the outer forces that joined you think your whole division is insane. Therefore, they refuse to cooperate in the future".

"Hmph" he sounded somewhat irritated, but then there was a brief pause before he continued "That ain't a lie. We're nothing but delusional fools venturing out there, but I'm okay with it; better be that rather than a bunch of useless wimps".

Elia gave away a tiny smile, agreeing with him on that only she wouldn't refer to them that way; there was no blame in being too ignorant and too coward to comprehend that, if the Corps fell, all would perish sooner than later.

The healer had been so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't get to see the way he'd been secretly staring at her in the last couple seconds. Wishing to be closer, to spend some quiet time in her company but he soon recovered and just kept walking, resolved to do what was right for her.

"And how is your recovery going now, sir?" Elia glanced down for a second, noticing he was walking almost completely normal. Unaware that her question had distracted him.

"Better than expected" she could tell he was being honest. The very subtle awe in his tone said so "I was skeptical at first but that medicine of yours is effective. Well, it was" he added.

"That's good to hear" she commented, glad about it "I could prepare some more and bring it tomorrow if you want" her schedule concerning Commander Erwin would continue for another two weeks at least, so it'd be easy to do.

"No need" she didn't know if it was the topic or the fact that they were crossing the training yards, but his voice suddenly became quite lifeless "I move just fine. I can even use the ODM gear and lean my weight on the supporting leg without much inconvenient" he explained very quickly.

Levi was trying to end this discussion, or he'd run out of time with her. Not to mention he'd have accepted the offer, but his issue laid on the smell of lavender and how it didn't help not to think of her. It'd have been great to hear he could apply it all at once, that its magic would work just the same and faster, but that ointment was a remedy and also a torment. No, he'd rely on the compression bandages and the other tips she shared until necessary.

"I'd prefer you not doing that just yet but I'm not your boss so I cannot give you orders, Le…" Elia stopped right there, realizing how close she was to call him by his name.

They had just reached the entrance to the entire military facility, and both stopped after that, although the woman still didn't look at him, aware of the heat going up her cheeks; one she monumentally tried to suppress.

Elia wasn't trying to go back to that night at all but being the first time they were alone since then, and most of all, the first time talking the way they used to... The word slipped from her because she'd forgotten about the invisible wall between them.

"Why did you stop?" she didn't expect he'd ask that so bluntly, but now that she was finally turning to face him, she saw he was also surprised by his own question.

"I can't. It doesn't feel right to do it now" the healer sighed and looked to a couple younger soldiers passing by, far enough from them. They seemed to be having a good time, laughing, and communicating like anyone of their age would, momentarily carefree about the titans, this war and so much death.

Elia didn't know if it was right or not, but at least it made sense. Even when everything could be falling apart, there were still a few moments of peace you could be somewhat happy. Perhaps that was the secret, but the man in front of her was still far from that realization. Maybe he hasn't had such thing for way too long...

"Why?" Fuck it! he cursed on the inside, not giving a crap about the words he'd kind of rehearsed in his mind to scare her away.

"I can't tell because I don't know. Probably the same reason why you've never said my name, sir" Elia moved her face to stare at him again, and he was shocked at her statement.

"I may not, but I've told you before, I'm just Levi and yet you're so damn stubborn" the fact that she was quitting to address him like that, hurt. That was the one thing he had from her, one he recalled on difficult days, when he needed peace and tranquility: the sound of his name, his one belonging, coming through her lips. "And I haven't called you like that because you've never said I can, lady".

"I'm sure I did" Elia affirmed and saw the genuine confusion in his upset expression "I thought letting you kiss me was reason enough to gather you have my permission".

Levi was stunned because he never considered it that way. He frowned at himself, understanding now that it was stupidly obvious. Although, permission or not, he had another reason why he'd never been able to do it and he wasn't going to admit it to her.

As for Elia, she may have been a bit bold, but she had the awful feeling that he was going to get distant no matter what.

"Aside from that and after the recent events, I'm not even sure if you consider me a friend to allow myself the attribution, sir".

"Friends…" Levi repeated monotonously and looked away, despising the word but knowing he had no right to tell her he couldn't be that. In the past days, he'd concluded that with her, he wanted all or nothing, and he chose the last because he rather put more loneliness on himself by craving something he couldn't have, than to risk her life out of a selfish desire.

Too bad she's looking at you the way you like, moron, he scolded himself and automatically met her gaze, perceiving the call in those dangerously addictive gray eyes. One he resisted, turning his aside, convinced that he had nothing good to offer because he didn't think himself worthy. Besides, Erwin's situation only reassured that he'd eventually make her miserable.

On the other hand, Elia could tell he was afraid to let go and feel appreciation for someone else to end up losing that too. It was the same sadness she saw whenever he mentioned his mother and two friends from his youth: a painful longing. Which got worse after losing his former squad.

She'd even considered telling him not to worry around her because she wasn't going to ask anything of him. That he shouldn't think of the kiss anymore; it was just an impulse of the moment and it happened because both had been emotionally compromised. That considering their age, he in his early thirties and she on her late twenties, a simple kiss was nothing to fret about. That it meant nothing, but she regretted the thought almost immediately.

That kiss had meant more than she could possibly explain. To say it was the opposite seemed so disrespectful, mean, and untrue. No… She'd never say something like that. Perhaps he wouldn't even mind, but given his confusion, it may have meant something to him too, only he couldn't afford to think of it. And it's what he couldn't bring himself to say though it was unnecessary; the armor he wore against the world could be the hardest, but Elia knew the fragile soul beneath all that. Captain Levi wasn't ready to face whatever happened inside him, and she accepted it.

"Erwin... is he getting better?" his voice brought her back to their present, and she got why he decided to change the subject so drastically. Which didn't mean his worry wasn't real "The arm won't grow back but I wonder if he'll be able to use the gear again".

Elia discreetly breathed out, making her peace with her decision and continue to treat him with the same respect he deserved. Besides, he still had Commander Erwin's friendship. And she obviously comprehended his concern; she cared enough for the blond herself without being anything but his nurse. Not for his rank but for the person carrying a huge responsibility on his back.

"Honestly, he shouldn't but I'm certain he'll find a way, He's a resilient man, very committed" she commented, with a sober smile "But he'll be fine if he follows the indications, Captain. Just like you. Although, in his case it's even more imperative because the wound it's still at risk of an infection. His body is weak and needs rest and a good nutrition".

"I'll threaten his books to make him obey, then" was all he said, grateful for her response, her reaction and not rejection. He'd planned on being nasty to push her away, but it hadn't been needed; as always, she'd surprised him with her silent understanding; she was going to distance herself.

"It wouldn't hurt you to get some decent sleep too" this time, she took her index finger to her face and pointed at the little bags under her eyes.

Levi only nod in silence, knowing his bags were more noticeable that day. He usually didn't have a good sleep, but knowing he was going to approach her today had almost made it impossible. And drinking tea to calm his nerves served its purpose but vanished what little sleepiness he had.

She still cares… even when you've been nothing but an asshole lately, his inner voice mocked him, and he shook his head to pay no attention to it.

The soldier gave in for a couple seconds and just looked at her face directly, wishing to memorize her features, the little emotions she shared through those sincere expressions. But she was the one staring somewhere else now, and it was then he noticed that, despite contemplating the beautiful change of colors in the sky with a soft, reserved smile on her face, there was no glitter of joy in her eyes.

"I'd better go" she muttered, looking at him briefly as the ringing of the bells told everyone it was 6PM now "I wish you a good evening, Captain".

Having said this, he observed her single nod in his direction before walking past him, leaving a memorable trace of that unique scent he'd missed since… he'd have said since the first medical visit to Erwin but that wasn't true nor accurate; he'd missed that, and her, since the night her singing hypnotized him, and her lips marked him. But he'd come to accept his own decision one day. Or so he hoped. Go back to being a miserable bastard shouldn't be so hard, right?

The soldier couldn't avert his gaze just yet. She was only a couple steps away now, getting farther from him. Elia... Levi wanted to shout her name, make her come back, but had he done so and if she happened to look back at him, he was certain he wouldn't be able to let her go anymore.


Bringing up his father's legacy and inspiration during the conversation with his nurse had brought many memories back, specially how much he used to enjoy his lessons.

He'd been so nostalgic that felt like reading one of the few items he got to keep from him: a history volume that looked completely normal on the outside, but many paragraphs were simply underlined, and others crossed out; there wasn't a single note, and it took him years to figure out the reasoning behind them, but he had. And that only reinforced he was doing the right thing by pursuing the same dream.

The blond smiled fondly when he reached the last page and saw his initials at the bottom of it, the only handwritten thing in there that now looked a little smudgy after so many years and nights reading it, over and over.

Suddenly, Erwin heard a familiar knocking on his door and knew who it was; he snickered, recalling that, ever since the incident with Mrs. Green, the other nurse, Levi had stopped just coming in as he pleased and now waited for confirmation. Sadly, the clock on his wall told him this meant he hadn't spent much time talking to the healer outside.

"Come in, Levi" he said as he sat down on his bed, holding the book in his hand.

"Thought you might have been asleep but then I saw the light through your window" he said and looked around the room, apparently looking for something… or someone "Shall I leave Hange's report on the table, or do you want to read it now?" he looked normal, but his tone was a little spiritless compared to his usual self. Even when he sounded bored or mad, there was always certain haughtiness in his passive voice.

"Leave it there, please" the Commander said, and looked to his right, pointing at the nightstand "I'll read it in a moment".

"I'll while away the time here if you don't mind. The brats are having dinner now, but we'll retire in half an hour" the Captain muttered after following his instruction and then sat on the chair next to his bed, to look outside while he went back to his book.

The Commander glanced secretly in his subordinate's direction and noticed he seemed thoughtful right now. It's true Levi never looked excited, happy, or amused, but aside his usual stoic face, there was also an unusual tension in his shoulders and a longing in his gaze that he'd never seen before.

Erwin sighed, observing this was probably him feeling blue over someone, a kind of sadness that his friend probably never experienced before. It didn't mean it was harder or easier than the grief for their fallen comrades, it was just different. But it wasn't something he could discuss with him; ending the titans for good was more likely than imagining such situation.

After a couple minutes, the man decided to give it a try by addressing another important, safer subject.

"How are things going with your new squad?" he asked and startled him a little, realizing he'd been really deep in thought.

"How could it possibly go? They're still rookies" the man replied without turning his face to see him "Although at least they seem reliable. The fact that they didn't act like wusses and went straight to hell to rescue their friend, despite the odds, grants them some credit".

"I'm sure that, under your command, they'll thrive very soon" the Commander assured, convinced of it.

"One of them is rather capable" the soldier conceded but then scowled, disgruntled "When she gives a fuck about my instructions. The gloomy brat's head doesn't seem to have other thing but that annoying overprotectiveness over Eren".

"They're still quite young, Levi" Erwin said with a weak smile, sighing dejectedly "Be yourself but try to connect with them and they'll improve in no time. I'm sure most of them have matured considerably after this episode. They were friends to our enemy, but now they know there's no going back".

The Commander was thinking about the devastating casualties they've suffered; losing so many of his best soldiers was something he sometimes found hard to believe. People he'd trained with, grew up with, and above all, people he'd trusted for so long. All gone. Lynne, Henning, Gelgar, Nanaba and Mike… He still remembered well the moment each one of them had decided to loyally follow him after Shadis abdication.

"I expect their cleaning skills and personal hygiene improve soon if they don't want to sleep at the stables. Even horses smell better" Levi grumbled, and this time finally looked at him quite serious "They leave a lot to be desired, but I suppose is true they're just kids. For now, I'll just content with them managing to live long enough".

"Trust them and you'll get results" the blond advised with a solemn nod, seeing his friend already cared about them. So, he decided it was time to move to the other subject, the complex one "By the way, what were you doing in the yard at this time? You usually train early in the morning" he asked, slyly.

"I was talking to your nurse" the Captain confessed, lacking the energy to beat around the bush, not to mention he suspected Erwin's eagle eyes surely saw them so there was no point on lying. And he was too emotionally tired anyways.

"I see" the blond muttered, remembering a completely related topic to make him talk some more "Is your leg all right?"

"Perfectly" Levi blurted out, and Erwin's guileless nodding pissed him considerably, but he tried to hide it to find out something that really bothered him "You know, those visits shouldn't take more than thirty minutes but it's always over forty-five, sometimes even an hour... What the hell do you get so chatty about with that nurse?" the soldier asked. Which confirmed he'd been outside, probably waiting for her. More than once.

Erwin grinned for himself, beginning to understand the reason behind that and quite surprised at his outburst. He would have dropped the subject as soon as the Captain replied hastily the question about his leg but the very same Levi created an opportunity that he knew, was never going to repeat itself.

"Mmm, we talk about a bit of this and that, mostly the system failures, sometimes politics and ways for our society to improve…" the blond replied innocently, and the decided to tempt his luck "I never noticed she'd stayed that long, but it's easy to lose track of time when you find someone interesting to talk to" what will you say now, my friend?

"Really? So, you share jokes on politics and shit like that?" his countenance hardened a little.

Oh boy, he's getting mad. Not many could tell the difference from an indifferent to an irritated Levi, but his posture stated he was reaching a whole new level above those.

"Jokes?" Erwin tilted his head, this time truly lost, and the soldier stood up, to get some water from the bottle onto his table "Not quite. She sure smiles sometimes at some ideas of mine but laugh?"

Ok. He exaggerated a bit, but the trick seemed to work. Only way too much. He actually didn't know where this could go but he wasn't going to back down, especially not when he'd seen more expressions on that face in the last minutes than in Levi's entire military career after his two friends died.

"You were laughing like an idiot a while ago" the captain said while pouring the colorless liquid into the glass to distract himself and Erwin as well "I wondered what could possibly be so fun in your deplorable state".

"Oh, that..." he granted, well aware of the menacing sparkle in his eyes "It must have been the expression on her face that I misinterpreted earlier" there was no need to lie. Besides, if Levi was showing this kind of interest, he was certain that deep down, his friend hadn't given up completely on that woman "You know I'm usually very good at reading people, but Miss Stoltz is a challenging one so I'm trying to figure her out".

It wasn't his idea. Levi clearly didn't like what he was hearing. He tried to conceal it from him by drinking all the content inside the glass, and it was when Erwin couldn't help a triumphant smile. His friend's possessive nature didn't want him to see anything about her; however, Levi probably took his last words the wrong way.

"I know she's not even thirty yet, but I often get the impression of talking to someone much older; she's very mature but the woman has a special kind of wisdom, you know?" he continued, a little astonished at his friend stiffness and the glare at him. He was holding the empty glass onto the table, and he was probably soon to break it. But Erwin, resolved to hold his stare no matter what "Why that face, Levi?"

"Tch!" the Captain snarled, letting go of the glass and clenched his teeth, with a murderous look that expressed he wanted to punch him very badly. But then he turned around abruptly to head out without another word, yet the slam of the door was more than enough to express his anger.

He'd made him considerably unnerved, but he didn't regret it. Erwin would do nothing to help him directly, but he wished the soldier could amend whatever he did or say when he'd talked to her outside. Because whatever that was, it hadn't helped him getting rid of his feelings. This fit of jealousy proved he was beyond just liking her, and the hopelessness in his eyes showed how much she meant to him already.


The song that inspired part of this chapter was Wicked Game by Chris Isaak; for Levi's troubled feelings. I can even picture him listening to it while drinking… tea of course hehe.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

Namárië