CHAPTER XXIII
Was it all over? No. He still had to find the one man who was as dangerous as himself. They'd been scouring the area for quite some time, but it wasn't easy due to the mess left by that disgusting thing that used to be Rodd Reiss. His team had found several corpses inside the remains of that cave, some even made it to the surface but the internal damage they'd suffered got them killed either way.
I'm sure you made it out, Kenny. We, rats, always manage to survive, no matter the odds… he said to his mentor in his mind as he searched where he'd last seen him. He knew he'd have to put an end to his life if he resisted but hopefully, they'd be able to capture him to get further information about the Reiss family and the First King. And on a personal matter, Levi also wanted to know what was so special about the Ackerman bloodline as well as the truth of his origin; things only Kenny could confirm it.
From one moment to the next, one of his men approached in a haste, out of breath and barely able to speak but when he finally did, the news he shared put him on the alert. However, that didn't last long because he wasn't expecting to find him lying there, leaning on the trunk of that tree, barely alive; the image before him was so pathetic, so unlike the powerful, invincible man he'd once looked up to.
"Kenny" he called him, holding his gun firmly, watchful to any motion but he wasn't moving at all. It actually took him a lot to even open his eyes.
"Oh… it's you?" Levi perceived a tone of relief, irony, and defeat, all mixed together. To talk seemed even harder than looking up at him. He probably was as internally damaged as his subordinates because that sole effort made him vomit a pile of blood.
Levi informed him about his comrades' fate but of course, that didn't move him one bit. It wasn't surprising though; he cared for nothing and no one except himself which made this situation weird, considering his state of calm, even suspecting death could claim his life soon. Levi unconsciously feared it; this whole thing made no sense because this was Kenny, who always said he'd never die willingly.
The soldier breathed in and decided to discuss important matters before anything could happen, and he preferred to do it on his own; after all, their shitty story had no need of to be public.
Now that they were alone, he observed his mentor carefully and of the many things he could have said about The Ripper, pitiful was the last on the list.
"With those burns and that blood loss, there's no helping you now" he said bluntly. Don't feel sorry for anyone because no one is going to feel sorry for you… that was one of his old lessons.
One he followed strictedly until the day he met Furlan, who stood beside him when four older teenagers, new in their territory and that large old house were many waifs lived, wanted to take possession of the room that had been his for months; just because it was the cleanest of them all.
"Why did you do it?" he'd asked him back then, staring at the darkness through a small window while both boys, beaten up but victorious, sat on the floor, leaning their backs on the same wall "I could have handled them by myself" Levi told him, feeling a little awkward. All the kids feared him, or so he'd thought.
"I know you could" the blond said with certain sarcasm and a knowing smile, but then he just sounded sad "It's just you're always cleaning when you're here and it's unfair you having to give your space up just because they decided they wanted it. They already took ours".
He remembered he'd told him that wasn't his problem and tried pushing him away, but he never listened. And after some time, he'd learnt that Furlan and his family had been kicked out of their home, because of debts and his alcoholic father, who ditched him and his mother to their fate. The woman got sick not long after that and died, forced to abandon him.
But it was after that incident, and the beginning of their brotherhood, that he realized not all the people was heartless and selfish; the real problem was the world being so full of crap most of the time.
Levi looked back at Kenny and to his great surprise, he saw him smile; the gesture was barely noticeable, but it was there. Careful… He might be planning something… his instincts told him.
"Really? I wonder…" he mumbled, pulling something out of his pocket and left it on plain sight. The Captain's eyes widened when he saw the syringe, understanding how serious this was, even more so now that he was calmly explaining he'd stolen the thing to use it. And whether was a regular titan or a huge abomination like Reiss, it'd be a pain in the ass no matter what. Still, there was something off about this.
"You've had the time and strength to inject yourself so, why haven't you?" Levi asked, truly annoyed at this tranquility of his, against his own anxiety. Kenny was going to die. He knew it now but even so, he couldn't help the strange sense of anticipated loss, and being furious at himself for it.
Perhaps he's too scared of the results… he studied, thinking The Ripper surely had an ace up his sleeve, and he was just trying to distract him to gain more time. He doesn't seem to have that much left though, his inner voice told him and something inside him still resisted to believe it. Or more like, accept it.
"I know you are not sitting here waiting to die" he was getting tired and disappointed now "Don't you have a better excuse?"
What the soldier had no clue was that now that he was standing there, the man on the floor no longer cared about anything else. Kenny wasn't going to ask his forgiveness or anything like it because he owed him nothing really; he'd provided what he needed in order to help him survive, and the kid succeeded. He made his way out of that dump and earned a public recognition, like his but not as bad. He was glad the only family he had left was there at the end.
"I... don't want to die… I wanted power" Kenny didn't comprehend why but he still wanted to confess his motives, explained them, or just talk to someone he trusted to not feel so alone and lost. To find his purpose or understand why he was dying like this. And it was then he finally grasped the meaning of all "I think I understand why he did it… after all this time" he was so extremely tired.
"Huh?" honestly, what he was gabbling about didn't make any sense to Levi. Much less when he saw he'd started laughing at his own words or whatever he was thinking about. A quiet laughter that later resembled a crying.
"Everybody I've met was all the same" said Kenny, despondent and disappointed at the one truth about people and everything in this world "Drinking, women, worshiping God, or even... family, the king, dreams, children, power... Everyone had to be drunk on something to keep pushing on" he rambled, a little delusional but tranquil "Everyone was a slave to something. Even him" even Uri, who was practically a God, a supreme being, powerful and eternal; he too was part of a bigger thread, doomed to serve a purpose by the will of his ancestors. Maybe the real Uri never wanted such thing, but the brainwashing had been effective, turning him into a slave as well.
Kenny coughed blood again, and Levi was beginning to really see what was going to happen, reason why he lowered the shotgun. Besides, all Kenny did was prating, clear sign that he was certainly going nowhere nor planning anything.
The strongest person he'd known was dying and it all felt so wrong.
"And… what do you need?" the question was addressed to him, and it caught him by surprise. Especially now that Kenny eyes were a bit watery, although he wasn't shedding any tears "To be a hero?" his tone, defiant.
That pissed him off. Kenny knew he could never be such a thing. Not somebody like him, who was trash, just like him. Levi ran out of patience, so he crouched down right in front of him and held him by the shoulders with roughness. He needed answers before it was too late.
"Kenny, tell me everything you know!" the soldier demanded, trying with the easiest question he had in mind first "Why doesn't the First King want humanity to survive?!"
"Beats me... but we… Ackerman, opposed him. For that reason, ..." just at that moment, the exertion to speak was too much and the man coughed again, in visible pain.
Levi felt the hot, red liquid on his face and probably no one would believe it, but he wasn't disgusted by it. He was only shocked to see Kenny this way; the man of whom he most likely came from and was beyond any help.
"Apparently, my last name seems to be Ackerman too" he hoped he at least had the decency to confirm that now "You… What were you to my mother?" he knew the answer, but he still feared hearing it.
For some unexplainable reason, his question had him smile in fun, yet there was also so much sadness in the same gesture. Why? the Captain wondered, irritated to see he was playing until the last moment.
"Heh, you idiot" of course, the son of a bitch found that amusing "I was her older brother".
Brother? Levi didn't know why but when he said it, the pain he felt that day manifested again. His eyes wide opened, expressing how he still couldn't believe it.
To be honest, he didn't care to find out who was the wretch that got his mother knocked-up; in her line of work, he knew that person wouldn't have wanted or cared about him because no respectable men went to places like that. But to find out it was his own uncle who'd left him behind… not even bothering to explain a thing to him, leading him to believe he'd done something wrong and let him down somehow.
"That day… Why? Why did you leave me?" the abandoned child emerged, not demanding but needing to comprehend. Did he even care about him at some point? or was it just pity on him and his mother what had moved him to save him? It didn't matter if he wasn't his real father; the orphan boy still came to love him as such, and it was why this hurt so bad.
Kenny's face this time looked sincerely full of sadness. He wasn't entirely sure of the answer; all he did know was that he'd gotten scared, but he had not much time to try to explain. Kenny the Ripper only hoped the brat would come to figure that out on his own one day, just the way he'd manage to get this far without his help.
"Because I'm not meant to be someone's father" Kenny confessed part of his reasons, and with the last couple seconds he sensed he had left, the man grabbed the box containing the titan serum and placed it abruptly on Levi's chest.
The Captain took it, stunned and unprepared to what had just happened as he tried to understand his words and now his actions. He looked to the man's face and got deeply shocked to see he was gone. Forever gone.
"Kenny..." Levi muttered, sad and lonely. It was like being inside that poky little room all over again, watching his mother's final breath so many years ago.
His eyes darkened, angry at himself for feeling the loss of this scoundrel. No one in the world would miss his existence, or mourn him, because Kenny never left anything good in his path. And now he'd just died, in the company of the one person who stupidly felt his passing.
What do you need? His question now resonated strongly within him, as he watched his corpse without really seeing it. All he could think of in those minutes was a smile full of goodness, a sublime voice, full of pain but sincere love and longing, and the warmth of those rare, expressive eyes that possessed the same color of his blades; the ones that always called on his and encourage him to believe in himself as a person. Someone as loyal and committed as her younger sister, to whom he wanted to honor one day, along with his two best friends, his squad and so many fallen comrades in this bloody path. He'd never stop fighting until fulfilling that promise.
And now, witnessing the bitter end that Kenny just had, so similar to the conditions his own mother experienced, forgotten and forsaken by the world, helped him understand he needed that person in his life to continue. He craved her beautiful light and magnificent kindness yet not the way Kenny put it, no. The things he'd started feeling for her weren't enslaving, but the complete opposite; her presence meant nothing but joy, because she'd been unconsciously healing and nourishing a significant part of him, one he thought dead.
Elia… he dared say her name in his mind. He was glad to have learnt that she could die in the most unexpected and nonsensical way, whether he was close or not. What he experienced inside that cave, when he thought he'd actually die, crushed along with his troublesome but brave brats, only reassured that undeniable truth. As well as another: despite accepting his fate, he'd felt incredibly miserable for failing all of them, but mostly to know he'd never get to see her again.
Stop pushing her away, you idiot! his inner voice yelled, desperate to be heard. Levi looked once again at Kenny and closed his lifeless eyes before looking up at the sky as he gave in and listened. And as soon as he did, for the first time he experienced what seemed to be hope.
He had no idea what he'd do or say next time he saw her; all he knew was how different everything seemed.
After three frightfully long and slow days, full of reports and meetings to discuss all that had happened, and also the many preparations for Historia's coronation on Monday morning, Levi was absolutely grateful Friday was finally here. The only pending business he had for that afternoon was a meeting with his squad, mostly to make clear they were expected to behave that day; they may be friends to the new queen but there were now certain limits to maintain, especially when in public or they'd be accused of favoritisms later.
He was already imagining the threatening tone he'd use with Sasha and Connie, always being the two that most lacked in concentration of the group. He sighed, at least content to know they all would have time to rest over the weekend because all the Legion ranks had been given those two days off as part of the compensation for the false accusation on them.
Unfortunately, that morning wasn't going that smoothly because of Erwin who, after all the chaos came to an end, didn't take his condition seriously and neglected himself, until he got feverish this morning. So here he was now, leaning on a hospital wall with his arms crossed, waiting for him at the entrance of that hall while he was with the doctor.
The Commander had said he was fine two days ago, when his former nurse visited to check up on him, accompanied by a new one that would follow his case now because the healer had been temporarily transferred to a new unit. Information Erwin shared with a still somewhat injured Hange after a meeting, whom for some reason asked about the woman, and the blond's explanation after the brunette walked out, had made him so furious that he didn't even bother to hear more. He just glared at his friend and left, once again avoiding to punch him hard, except this time, he first hurled the piece of glowing ore Hange had brought and the thing was still embedded into the wall.
Levi shook his head, trying to stop brooding about that and focused on evaluating the steps ahead now that Eren controlled the hardening, which was a huge improvement; Shiganshina was finally at their grasp, and so were the answers in that basement but as a soldier, he knew they'd need a very well-organized group to take back the district and, eventually, Wall Maria, for their enemies would be there, waiting for them.
He'd been onto that when he suddenly heard the voice of a person he hadn't seen since that night while hiding in the shadows. It was relatively close, and he finally located where it came from, realizing that she was at about three feet away from him, standing next to Erwin's nurse, and talking to one of the Garrison officers. Both women stood with their backs towards him so they didn't see him but that didn't stop the Captain from listening.
"Your wife had a difficult labor, so we recommend that she stays in bed and rests for at least three days after leaving the hospital" she'd indicated. Her voice told him she was a bit tired but her good manners hadn't changed.
"Thank you very much, ladies" a man in his forties said. One he'd seen once or twice "Are you sure everything's okay?" he asked quite anxious, grabbing her hands unexpectedly and causing an automatic reaction on him.
His entire body got rigid, reminding him of that night when that douche tried to kiss her. Levi couldn't help looking at this other dork with disapproving eyes.
"All is well, sir" she assured, with that understanding, sincere tone and he let go of her. The Captain relaxed.
"Your little girl is a premature baby but she's healthy. We've just taken her to your wife so she can feed her. Now, you should wait outside the recovery area in the meantime, Mr. Lars" the other woman said and briefly turned in his direction, pointing at the end of the corridor past him.
Levi couldn't see her face yet, but he had a perfect view to the man's, who'd calmed down and started running to where she'd said after thanking them again. Levi followed him with his eyes only, and it was curious to see that despite how pale he was, nothing could overshadow the absolute happiness in his face as he ran like an idiot.
"New parents are always this nervous… and unpredictable" he recognized that voice now. It was the older nurse that had been with Erwin the morning after Eren's rescue. The one who'd looked at him disapprovingly "Years ago, there was one who just kissed me out of excitement. I was nervous for my husband's reaction, but he and Rolf only laughed".
He observed her addressing the healer with respect, even affection beneath the professionalism as she placed a hand on her shoulder, leading her to turn around to surely return to their duties in the same direction he was. Levi froze, feeling like a fool when he saw her coming; the smile of amusement on her face at the older woman's anecdote was quite a view. He'd missed it badly.
She continued to approach, still unaware of his presence, listening attentively to something her superior was telling her to what he paid no attention because he had a knot in his stomach while he waited to be unavoidably noticed. But as soon as his eyes and hers met, the restlessness disappeared; his unemotional expression might not show it, but he felt his body and mind at ease now.
At first, she was surprised to see him there, and then there was something else in her eyes, but he didn't have time to catch it because she turned to the other woman, who seemed somewhat astonished but said nothing. She told the younger woman she'd go ahead to check on a patient and left. Obviously, not without taking a peek at him, puzzled.
"How are you doing, Captain?" she greeted him with a slight nod, as cordial as ever, although her eyes seemed a bit anxious and stared at his foot for a second "Is there anything I can help you with?"
Levi snorted on the inside at the courtesy and formality with which she addressed him. She should at least be mad after the last conversation they held.
"I'm here because of Erwin" he said, returning the nod and hoping to do better this time "He's with the doctor right now".
"I knew he'd end up having to come here but he insisted he was fine" she commented, shaking her head, and then breathed out as she looked past him, to the office he should be at "Victorious and everything, the conditions in which he was imprisoned, and all the stress were no good for his recovery".
"He accuses me of difficult, but the idiot definitely beats me" he half-complained, half-joked.
"Frankly, I couldn't tell if that's better or worse than neglecting yourself" she said, with a certain tone of reprimand "How's your ankle?" The woman enquired, obviously thinking about that day at the tavern "Don't get me wrong. I'm truly glad you managed to get out of a situation like that, but I wasn't oblivious to the way you landed on the counter. Your leg wasn't ready for that, sir" she crossed her arms, displeased.
"I could say the same about you" he commented, imitating her gesture but looked away, frowning. Then stared back at her, still mad "You shouldn't have put yourself in danger so willingly. Not for us".
"We all take risks as we see fit, Captain" she replied, unaffected by his evident anger. In fact, there was a defiant sparkle in her eyes, almost insolent. And although her attitude worried him, Levi couldn't deny he admired that self-confidence… most of the time "Besides, my contribution was quite poor but if it helped Ilva's second family, even in the slightest, then I'd gladly pay the consequences".
Second family... He'd never dared calling it that way, but he understood what she meant; throughout the years, there had been a couple people he'd come to deem as that. And even though was pissed at Erwin and Hange, he still considered both as such.
"Had everything turned out the other way and we got hanged, you might have suffered the same" he reproached her, trying to control the fear and agitation to just imagining it.
"Just to be clear on this, sir" why wasn't it surprising to see there was no way to intimidate or frighten her? Her stubbornness was unnerving sometimes "I don't particularly enjoy what you have to do or the risks you must embrace, but I understand why you do it. I accept and respect it" he was astounded. She somehow always managed to make him see things differently and there was a painful truthfulness in her words "But in any case, that didn't happen. Things went well so there's no need to be alarmed or upset".
The Captain looked to his left, distracting himself with some people passing by. He sighed; a bit exasperated but resigned. She was no coward, and she didn't yield to anything; something that both frustrated and inspired him yet he still liked that about her. What he hated was the anguish of the unexpected, of something happening to her. But that's not in your hands to decide or stop, his inner voice reminded him, as well as the healed cut in her neck he'd glimpsed.
Trying to calm his anxiety, he looked back to her eyes, knowing it'd be easier that way; she was right in front of him, safe and sound. That helped mitigating the worry and anger.
"My leg is ok" he gave in and picked up the thread of the conversation before his outburst, now placing his hands in his pockets "You shouldn't worry about that anymore because there's certain physical thing that helps me heal faster than normal people. I'll tell you about it some other time" she looked at him suspiciously.
Up to this point and after all they've experienced, he doubted she'd think him a monster whether she knew or not about it. But he wanted to tell her; let her in and try to let go of his fears.
He held her gaze now, wondering if she'd also comprehended the message and his clear intention to see her again. Would she accept it?
"I'm glad, sir. It's really good to know you're okay. I hope Commander Erwin gets better soon" she half smiled, with sincerity and kindness "I'm sorry but I must go back to my duties now".
The smile turned into an apologetical one. He saw her nodding as polite as ever, bidding him farewell and started walking away. This is it, asshole. She finally grew tired of your stupid behavior, he thought as he locked his eyes on the ground, crestfallen. But out of the blue, her steps stopped, and he looked up at the exact time she turned to see him.
"I'm counting you're not trying to deceit me, Captain. Now I'm very curious to know and understand what you just said about your healing. Even so, please be careful" she turned and resumed her way without saying other word.
Levi watched her walking away for a few seconds, trying to placate the hammering hope arising inside him after that. If he let that loose now, he'd end up smiling like a moron when he hadn't actually accomplished anything. But she doesn't despise you, the inner voice emphasized, rejoicing at the fact that she wasn't rejecting him.
Fortunately, thanks the building managers, the few pieces of furniture she decided to keep now were at her new place, where she'd left everything ready to just move in with her few belongings. Her family's things and clothes that were in good condition, she'd previously donated to the hospital's charity so now it was all about storing smaller objects and tidying the place for the arrival of its new owners.
Elia wandered through spaces, checking the pending things on her list and crossed out what was ready. The beds, most of cabinets and heavy furniture had been purchased along with the house, so she now needed to pack her clothes, all the medicinal supplies, tools, and flasks; it was safer to bring those fragile objects with her once she left that house too.
The healer walked inside her parents' room to get two old suitcases and carried both to hers. She went back there and moved her father's two trunks; one to the kitchen, the other to his small office, where the tools and supplies were. She was beginning to store them inside the container when she heard someone knocking on her door.
As soon as she opened, the smell of something delicious hit her, and the growl in her stomach reminded that she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and it was 4 PM now.
"Have you had lunch yet?" her mentor and friend asked, holding a bag with a couple food containers and entered "My shift begins at seven, so I decided to come and see you today since I won't be able tomorrow" Griselda's smile was always so heartwarming, like a little sunshine amidst a stormy day.
"I hope you never get tired of hearing how wonderful you are, Gris. I really mean it" Elia said, hugging the woman who pat her now on the head as she smiled, grateful.
"I imagined you'd get carried away with the moving and seems I was right" she commented as she left the things onto the dining table. Elia only stared at her, sheepishly "Come on. Go get the settings while I go wash my hands" the older woman asked, and she obeyed.
Griselda observed the place discreetly, noticing the many differences now and how big it was without all the trinkets, and stuff that used to be around. She remembered the day Elia had shared the news, and why she needed this to move forward and overcome their absence. Something she'd never managed to do after the death of her son and her husband's shortly after, and it was why she considered Elia's decision as a brave one.
"Oh, this is absolutely delicious!" the healer exclaimed once she tasted a piece of it. Griselda had cooked meatloaf with baked potatoes "Will you ever share the recipe?" Elia asked, taking real delight in her food.
"Perhaps one day" she promised, with a grin of satisfaction, that was also a bit downhearted "I'm happy you liked it. It's been a long time since I cooked; doing it just for oneself is not that convenient, that's why I rather buy anything in the market. But tomorrow is a significant day, and this is some sort of a best of luck present, small but honest".
"This is no small gesture, Gris. I appreciate it very much" Elia grabbed her hand and give a gentle squeeze as she smiled "Emptying every corner hasn't been easy but you've truly cheered me up".
"It's hard, but as long as you're ok with it, you'll feel better" Griselda smiled encouragingly "And look on the bright side! You'll live closer to my house…well, closer compared here" the older woman added, trying to ignore where her new home was located. She saved her opinion for herself; after all, Elia was an adult, and she knew well the pros and cons.
Once they finished lunch, Griselda helped her with her clothes and by the time the clock hit 6 PM, both suitcases were ready, but she excused herself because she had to leave.
After the older woman left, Elia began to stack the chairs tidily in a corner to sweep the floor and polish it before packing what was left and then go to bed; the rest of the house, she'd cleaned it thoroughly that morning to deliver it in perfect conditions.
Since it wasn't too much in general, she headed to the kitchen for some tea but when she was about to serve it, there was a second knock on her door. How odd, she thought, looking at her father's pocket watch and noted it was almost seven o'clock. And she was even more surprised at the sight of the person in front of her.
"Good evening, Elia, dear" there was a woman, about ten years older than Griselda, a little chubby, with familiar green eyes and short blonde hair. The resemblance with her son was unmistakable "How good to finally see you after so long!"
"Hello Mrs. Holt" she greeted Garrett's mother, whom she hadn't seen since he got distant, when he'd ran away from Ilva "Is good to see you too".
"Oh, how I've missed you!" the woman replied, evaluating her from head to toe and nodding enthusiastically, seeming satisfied. Then she glanced over Elia's shoulder, as if waiting to see someone else in there, which the healer considered weird. It was very unlikely that her friend hadn't told his mother about her family "Are you busy, dear?"
"Umm, a little. Yes" she admitted, stepping aside to let her in, something she was evidently waiting for "How can I help you? Is your husband alright? Did something happen to Garrett?"
"No, no, child. Luckily, my husband is very well" the visitor said while observing the whole place prudently, surely thinking about the uncountable times she had been there and the moments spent with her family "As for my son, I thought he'd join me now, but he seemed upset when I told him I'd pay you a visit. I'm sure it's because he had work regarding the Queen's coronation. They're leaving for the capital tomorrow morning, as part of the security deployment now that ranks had been purged".
"Oh" it was all she could mumbled. Elia hadn't seen him since that night when she'd rejected him, and this probably made him uncomfortable, but the lady had no idea about it.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I couldn't wait any longer. I didn't before because Garrett asked us not to come and visit after all what you've been through. You don't know how sorry I am, little one" Mrs. Holt said, and Elia relaxed. She hated the idea of telling her the whole story, especially now. Still, she was grateful because she knew her condolences were sincere "The thing is, my son kind of let it slip today that you'd be moving out this weekend. Is it true?" the woman enquired with a heartbroken expression.
"That is correct, Mrs. Holt. And I appreciate your condolences; I know you loved my family" fearing this wouldn't be a short visit, the healer grabbed two of the chairs to show some hospitality "Although, I wonder why you look so devastated".
"I don't mean to be nosy, but I wanted to ask if you are leaving this place because you really want to, or if its due to a complex situation. If it's the last one, I'm sure we could help you" Elia's eyes widened for a moment, dumbstruck at the offer. It was quite unexpected "This is your home, child. A place full of valuable memories and it'd be so horrible to leave it for the wrong reasons".
"Rest assured, Mrs. Holt. It's not like that" she said in all honesty but still a little uneasy, not wanting to explain right now. Her day had been emotionally hard enough "I'm not being forced to move because I cannot afford it. In fact, I'm currently receiving some income for my work at the hospital. It's not much but added to my part-time job, let's say I live comfortably enough".
"Then why are you leaving?" the lady clearly did not understand. Elia sighed and decided to go for a half-truth.
"Because it's illogical to live in such a big place by myself" she shrugged, seeming unaffected. She was only replying because she knew Garrett's mother meant no harm "Actually, I hardly spend much time here because of work".
"Of course, of course" the woman murmured, still not getting it but Elia's resoluteness and calm expression prevented her from insisting.
"Don't worry about me, Mrs. Holt. I'm okay with it" she repeated for clarity.
"That's good to know, dear. But if you need anything, never forget you're welcome in our home for as long as you want" the woman offered, grabbing her hands affectionately.
Mrs. Holt was being sincere because she really cared. But there was certain hope in her countenance that led her to believe she'd love to have her there in a more permanent way and not just as a guest. My family also loves you... that's what Garrett had said that night and, apparently, he was not exaggerating. In any case, all she could do now was nod and smile in gratitude.
"Well, I better be going now, dear" the lady said as she stood up, giving one last look around before facing the healer.
"Thank you, Mrs. Holt" Elia held out her hand, which the woman covered with both of her hands for a couple seconds "I hope you all are well too. If you ever need me, ask your son; he knows where to find me".
The older lady smiled radiantly, taking pleasure in her last words and Elia had the feeling that she'd misunderstood her. She'd just meant that Garrett knew about both of her workplaces and new home.
"See you some other time, little one" Mrs. Holt finally said goodbye and left.
Elia looked at the clock on the wall and felt somewhat depressed; firstly, because the conversation had taken almost an entire hour of her time, but since she couldn't postpone what was left to be done, she'd just have to go to bed later. And secondly, because now she was having some second thoughts about her decision but whether she liked it or not, there was no going back now.
She once again sighed and thought she just needed to clear her mind a little, reason why she went back to the kitchen to have the tea she'd planned on having before.
Nevertheless, when the water had just boiled and she was ready to serve the beverage for the third time, there was a new call at the entrance door. What is it now?! the healer whined as she put aside the empty cup and walked towards the place, thinking Garrett's mother probably forgot something.
Elia felt so drained, and to think about what she still needed to do made it worse so she was determined to ask, as politely as she could, for the woman to leave. And so, she unconsciously began to speak when she grabbed the doorknob.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Hol..." those were the words that escaped her mouth before looking to the person standing there. But the instant she did, she stopped right away and blinked several times to make sure she was still in her five senses.
"It took a lot for you to stop calling me sir all the time and now you degrade me to that?" said the man with his arms crossed and serious expression, raising one of his eyebrows. Anyone could have believed he got mad, yet Elia saw a spark of amusement in those amazing blue eyes, telling her he was teasing her.
In all honesty, Captain Levi was the person she least expected to see that day. But the joy to see him there was enough to help her forget about her stressful day.
The surprise in her expression made clear she didn't think she'd see him so soon.
"I'm sorry, Captain" the woman apologized as she let him in and offered a seat in one of the two chairs around the dining table; the rest of them were all piled up in a corner, in order. Levi remained upright, refusing it "Mrs. Holt left two minutes ago, and I thought it was her again".
Despite he liked the way she blushed because of the small incident, he quit the mocking when he noticed how tired she seemed.
"It's really nothing" he assured her, but then decided to offer the chance to send him away "But I don't want to be a nuisance, so feel free to tell me to leave".
Of course she was busy; he could tell by how exasperated she looked when she'd opened the door. He's seen the older woman coming out of there when he turned at the corner of her street, and the lady probably distracted her long enough to cause such reaction; the healer had a considerable patience, but that didn't mean it was endless.
He observed the place more carefully and everything indicated that she'd move out soon. The shelves had been emptied, two or three pieces of furniture were no longer in the room; her parents' bookcase being the most obvious because of its size. And he'd just glanced over two suitcases at the foot of her bed; it was easy to see from where they stood.
"Since you're not a nuisance or anything like it, I won't ask such thing, Captain" she replied with an iota of defiance in her tone, as if waiting for him to contradict her. But Levi only wanted to smile at her words and the way she said them "I was actually going to have some tea. Would you mind joining me?" she asked and headed to the kitchen.
The way she formulated the question beckoned him to just follow her, giving no chance to say no and he also liked that.
"Are you moving away soon?" he dared to ask as he entered the small space, and this time took a seat on one of the stools that remained there while she set the teapot on the stove, and he saw steam coming out of it immediately after.
"Tomorrow morning" the woman replied, listening to him but searching for an extra cup.
"That explains the fatigue on your face" he commented, watching every movement carefully. Especially now that her gaze was fixed upon the teapot, that was ready "That woman you confused me with, was she acting like a pain the ass or something?"
"Not really. Except that, despite she didn't intend to do so, she kind of made me feel a little bad about the decision I made" she admitted, somewhat lost in thought.
"Why?" he wanted to understand. She was always so sure of herself that it was unlike her to care for anyone's opinion or make her doubt her convictions.
While she proceeded to place the teacups on the small kitchen table, he knew she was thinking of an answer. So, he waited, staring at her hands that now poured the hot liquid in the small vessels, very slowly.
Levi had never been able to look at them closely. Well, to be honest he had, but the soldier never allowed himself to think much of it, and now it was impossible. Her moderately long, thin fingers and well-manicured nails made them so delicate-looking, as well as soothing to watch. Those were hands that knew how to massage, cook, clean, defend and above all, they healed people. It was then he recalled those moments when he'd seen her caress her sister's face and hands with extreme carefulness and affection, and the man couldn't help but wonder how that felt.
The Captain looked at his own hands. Ones that were the complete opposite; they knew how to kill and fight and hurt, reminding him how unworthy of her he was. But he also remembered she'd scolded him for considering it like that.
"You may do those things though not because you want or enjoy it, sir. You just save lives in a different way" she said once. Words he, deep down, treasured, as well as her nearness.
"I guess it's because she's known me ever since I was little, and she was concerned that I decided to leave this house because of economic issues" she finally took the seat in front of him, and she rubbed her neck absentmindedly before looking at him "This place is where I've lived with my family most of my life and holds precious memories by their side. So, it's sort of unthinkable for her to imagine I wanted, needed, to let it go" she explained, and her tone let show sadness and a bit of remorse.
"Only you can tell whether she's right or not but staying here won't bring them back; that's a fact. And attaching yourself to an empty house sounds masochistic" Levi said as he focused on holding the cup in front of him with his right hand, hoping the heat helped to control the tingling that occasionally tortured him. One that increased at this proximity and the urge to want her even closer, which he didn't fully understand.
The woman had been staring into his eyes but then looked down, to his hands, and smiled with melancholy but he glimpsed the anguish in her eyes vanished. Perhaps his words made her feel better, he wasn't sure.
"Honestly, I didn't expect to see you today but I'm glad you came" she muttered, now giving away a peaceful, happier smile.
This time, the soldier undeniably felt a rush of blood to his face and the sudden warmth on his cheeks so, under all this unfamiliar sort of nervousness, he brought the cup to his lips and took a long sip, enduring the drink's temperature as he unconsciously tried to flee from her gaze and her honesty.
Elia saw that and now, both feeling better and a little amused, she imitated him, pretending not to notice. It was still hard to believe he'd come here after seeming so resolved to avoid her weeks ago. She wondered if he'd changed his mind, and if he did, what happened that drove him to that.
"Ginger?" he asked, wanting to distract himself and just talk to her about anything.
"Indeed" she replied with satisfaction and an approving nod to see he hadn't forgotten. Not one of his favorites, but it wasn't so bad "I needed something refreshing after a long day".
"I know I'm distracting you right now but you're just too stubbornly polite to throw me out" he began to say, looking around and then back at her, who simply looked away, unwilling to admit he was right. He snorted, and it was then he came up with an idea he didn't give much thought "What if I help you finish whatever is left to be done?"
Levi offered because he just hoped she had some rest soon. At this closer view, it was easy to see her eyes were a little reddish and they shone brighter than normal, not to mention the bags under them. What did you expect, idiot? She's obviously done all this by herself.
"I don't like to abuse of your kindness, Captain" she muttered, a little embarrassed after finishing her drink.
"Believe me. No one ever does" he replied, knowing beforehand that she'd say something like that "Besides, I've had an incredibly boring week after Orvud".
He'd had a lot of work, behind a desk though so he wasn't lying. And judging by the way she didn't immediately refuse, he foresaw she'd accept.
"Alright then" she agreed, nodding several times in defeat when she just wanted to smile broadly, but that'd embarrass him again "Umm, in that case, perhaps you could help me storing all what's left inside here and the cabinet with medical supplies at my father's small office. They should fit in the trunk over there…" she was pointing to container beside the pantry "and there's another in that room. You can start here or there, whichever is easier for you. I'll be in the living room, sweeping and waxing the floor to have the place ready for tomorrow" she said and he nodded once, fully committed, as if it was a mission.
Levi slightly smirked, content that she'd relented. He drank what was left of his tea and later, after leaving the cups on the dish rack to drip-dry, she briefly came back, holding a broom in one hand and something else under the other arm.
"There's more in that office in case you run out" she was handing a pile of old newspapers and then left the kitchen in silence.
Levi had no idea what was like to move out, not in the regular sense of the word; he'd lived in several places, including the streets, yet never carried anything except a couple belongings, like literally four or five items. So, since he always found pleasure and peace of mind while cleaning, this whole organizational business was also quite entertaining to him.
He'd heard some people say that time flies when you had some fun, and he was actually having it right now. As he continued to check every corner of the room to perform his task thoroughly, he decided to keep that categorization between the medicinal and regular use that she had; relocate them at the new place would make things easier for her.
Stopping for a couple of seconds, the Captain listened to the sound of the mop being passed over the floor and wondered if she'd remain in Trost or go far away; the possibility of never seeing her again made him both angry and sad. However, he shook his head, determined to find that out before jumping to stupid conclusions. For now, he should mainly be glad it didn't take him too long to fight his own demons to come see her; had he waited one more day, she'd have been gone and this moment wouldn't have existed.
Once he finished his assignment, Levi went to where she was now and glanced at the clock still hanging on the wall, realizing he'd spent a little over an hour there.
He observed her then, but didn't notice his presence because she was fully concentrated on waxing the space under the main window. She didn't look mad, but the furrowed brow led him to think she was fighting one difficult spot or something, until she suddenly relaxed and took a pause. While still holding the broom, the woman rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, and the soldier heard a clear triumphant sigh before she turned and found him there.
His heart raced and he could have sworn he could hear his heartbeat now that, again, his face felt super-hot. The effect of those incredible eyes connecting with his, and the subtle, welcoming smile, was so strong. Levi couldn't help it. Even when her face was a little red from working, several locks of her dark brown hair escaped her braid, and her baggy clothes looked kind of sloppy, she was just as beautiful. To see her doing something as ordinary as applying wax on the floor… it was an image he'd hardly forget because, for an instant, it made him feel like he was home, a place that was only his and not even the war could destroy. The feeling was wonderful but also terrifying.
"Captain?" he heard her say, as she approached him with a curious expression.
"Where do you want me to put them?" he mentally kicked himself and came back to the present.
"Near the door it's fine" the healer answered, glancing to where the coat rack used to be.
In less than two minutes, he completed his task and realized that she too had finished hers because the floor seemed immaculate. Levi stared in her direction and caught her in the middle of a yawn, quite notorious despite she'd covered her mouth.
"Please forgive me, Captain. My Saturday started very early" she apologized and looked mortified when a second one happened "Hold on, be right back" he observed her disappear into the kitchen, carrying the broom.
Levi narrowed his eyes at her in disapproval. Only you would continuously apologize for being exhausted, woman, he told her in his mind as soon as she came back, and he let it go. A quarrel with her over such thing seemed idiotic; besides, he'd come to accept her obstinacy anyways.
For now, he was content she'd go to sleep earlier than if he hadn't been there. The bad part was the misery he experienced knowing it was time to go for he wasn't ready to say goodnight yet, and the sad smile on her face made it worse; maybe he was hallucinating, or it was the reflection of his own desire, but Levi had the impression that she was thinking the exact same thing.
"Will someone lend you a hand tomorrow?" he asked, following his instinct and the impulsive idea in the back of his mind. And since he already knew her well enough, he got ahead of her possible first excuse "As I told you before, it has been a dull week with absolutely no physical work, and I have the time".
He watched her tilt her head to the right, looking at him keen-sighted as she clearly pondered the offer. Her expression showed gratitude, but there was something else in there, something he didn't know how to identify. Was she… excited? he had no way to know.
"The new owners will arrive at ten o'clock. Therefore, I'll probably depart from here around eleven" she commented, which sounded like a positive response, causing a flutter of something strange but not unpleasant inside him "Is not that far but I hired someone to help me transport the last couple things. We can travel along with him, I'm sure there's no problem".
"Good. I'll see you tomorrow morning then" Levi promised, keeping his joy at bay as he headed to the door, happy to learn she wouldn't go far.
"Until then, Captain" the woman muttered, and he stopped. He had no need to look to see she was probably half-smiling; the tone in her voice was enough to know "I know you don't like hearing it but thank you for today" he had no idea Elia meant that mostly for his visit.
"Go have some sleep now" he said with his usual calm yet there was a very subtle plea in his tone, one he knew she understood.
"On my way" she responded, sincerely thankful and hopeful as she watched him leave; longing to see him soon.
I wasn't sure about the scene with Kenny but that's a significant moment in Levi's life so I tried digging mostly in their emotions and how it relates to this story.
The tittle's insipired in a Submersed song.
Namárië
