CHAPTER XXVIII

No wonder why he couldn't stand Garrett, she thought to herself, remembering what happened four days ago and the long conversation they had when he returned, five hours later, where she told him about her decision in relation to the young officer and also established some limits regarding his jealousy, to what he never openly agreed to, but Elia knew that expression of defeat and irritation in his face showed he reluctantly accepted. Partly.

Aside from that, their reconciliation afterwards would be a night to remember out of the desperation they had to explore and feel each other, especially by how determined Levi was to continuously make her moan, not just by penetrating her with his erection; this time, he'd also used his fingers while devouring her mouth, torturing her in the most spectacular, lascivous, and delicious ways. So much that she was under the impression that he'd needed to proclaim her all for himself, not just her body but everything about her, and without a question succeeding, because he'd owned each and every single thought inside her head that night.

It was so unforgettable that in the following days, when she'd missed him around the house, the healer came up with the idea of doing something similar to him but using her mouth. She'd read about it in one of the medical journals her father kept from his grandfather's collection, where she found many things that'd made her blush. Scandalous. That's how most people would have judged the data but she was no prude, so the heat on her face was the result of her desire to try them out with the soldier. And it wasn't like all they did was to stay in bed, but considering the lapses away from each other, that they missed one another and how amazing sex was for both, it wasn't surprising to look forward to enjoying such breathtaking connection when they got to be together. Reason why she truly wanted to reciprocate the immense pleasure he'd given her, and the idea seemed perfect since his upcoming staying would fall on the same date of her menstruation.

So now that he'd finally arrived this evening, finding themselves alone after dining together, Elia decided not to explain her plan; showing him in the act was more appealing once they were done with some exciting foreplay. She wanted to inflame him first to eventually enjoy his later reaction, but for some unexplainable reason he figured her intentions and was trying to resist her.

"Elia" he said her name after one particularly extraordinary kiss. Levi still felt her amazing, burning lips on his, but he couldn't turn a blind eye to what he'd seen when she'd opened her door that day, the way she looked "Are you sick?" he asked, her arms still around his neck while his firmly held her lower back.

"Not that I'm aware of" she replied, gazing into his eyes, confounded "Why do you ask?"

"You rarely have bags under your eyes" he pointed out, staring at them, concerned "They may not look like mine, but I still don't like them. You seem drained and your temperature is higher than normal"

Elia smiled and caressed his neck with tenderness before moving forward, to kiss him again, fiercely.

"Oi, that's not an answer" he complained in the middle of the act, fighting his own desire to give in and just have her "If you don't tell me, I'll assume the worst, so spit it out".

"I'm alright, Levi. I swear. I've had a couple rough days at the hospital, so I haven't slept well. The higher temperature is just because of my time of the month" she half laughed, enjoying his embrace and strong arms around her before hearing that last part that'd made him frown.

"Aren't we supposed not to do this if that's the case?" he asked, narrowing his eyes, unsure and bothered as he lessened his grip "I know I cursed a lot the last time this happened, but the situation was what pissed me off, not you".

"I know" she grazed his lips with hers, and then placed her mouth close to his ear "But I was trying to seduce you because I discovered a way to… well, you'll see…" she confessed without going into details. She didn't think she could voice what she'd planned on doing.

"What do you mean?" he asked, moving to stare at her face "We…" he was struggling to find the words, which was adorable. The man was wild and a great lover, and both enjoyed some dirty talk during sex, but it wasn't the same when he wasn't in the zone and the situation required more discreet words to discuss their intimacy "I thought it was better to wait until it's over" he said, hesitantly.

"Oh, yes, we still need to wait for that" she admitted, looking to her side for an instant, and then turned to meet his eyes "What I meant was that I found a way to please you without us doing it. That's all" she admitted, trying to control her embarrassment "Like what you did to me last time" she'd have smiled but his expression went from curiosity to what she would describe as horror in a matter of seconds. What happened? Elia had no clue.

The worst part was how she felt his body getting rigid and saw consternation in his eyes; surprise would have been a normal reaction, but this was so odd. And everything turned even weirder when his hands grabbed her arms to detach them from around his neck and he gave three steps away from her.

"No" he shook his head twice "You're not a damn thing, you're not my toy and I'm not paying you to be a mere object that I want to use, Elia" he was saying, visibly upset "Had I wanted only that, I'd have tried a fucking brothel, but I haven't set foot in one since my mother lost her life and freedom there" he was talking fast but she caught every single word, shocked "If I can't experience this with you, then I don't want it" he declared, walking away to stand by the window, hoping to chill out with the refreshing breeze coming through.

"Levi, wait…" Elia managed to say. She was still processing what he'd just said, and the information he'd just shared, which explained this kind of reaction "I never meant that. I only wanted to please you as you did with me that night, that's all. I'm so…"

"Stop. I know you didn't, so do not apologize" he interrupted, without turning but she saw his reflection in the window and the distress in his eyes "What I did that day was because we both were…" he was strugling to find the words again "We do it because we're free and we want to do it. Be yours and for you to be all mine. That's what I want, so I'll wait".

"Alright" she said, moving to retrieve her pajamas from her dresser, allowing him some time to think and quiet his mind. She decided to head to the bathroom and change "I'll be back in a couple minutes, Captain" she said, stopping by the doorframe, glancing at him for an instant. When she was about to go, his voice stopped her.

"If you're not that sleepy, I'll tell you a lousy bedtime story" he said, taking a seat at the edge of her bed with his back to her and no further words.

That was how, for almost two hours, as both were laying on her bed, the healer heard him speak without even daring to ask questions nor to interrupt him and thus, show respect to what he was telling and the trust he was putting on her.

She'd imagined Levi had suffered in his life, but to learn he'd gone through that severe amount of loss not many people ever lived, especially in their childhood, was something huge. It explained so well how fearful he was to connect with people, why he was so inclined to be that surly and apparently apathetic towards anyone, and even more so to those outside his very little inner circle, or whoever represented a threat of any kind. Not to mention she was finally coming to fully grasp why it'd been so hard for him to give in to his own desire of being with her.

He was taught how to fight his way through and survive since he was only four, so the deprivation of his innocence at such young age had really marked him. She could even picture the whole scene of a very young Levi, strong but all by himself and sometimes feeling lost, wandering around those alleys filled with stories of hopelessness, and yet still trying to get some light in a place where it was almost impossible to keep it, because dreams weren't allowed there… they were only devoured. At that precise moment, Garrett came to her mind; she still didn't approve Levi's ways to push him away, but the fear of abandonment had taken a huge, unconscious hold of the man after living like that. And what caused that significant trauma was seeing the one person who raised him, and whom he'd thought was his real father, walked out of his life just like that; not a single word, gesture or a farewell… Death… that was something else entirely to him, and despite he overcame every obstacle as best as he could, it pained her greatly to imagine all what he'd been sharing without whining or crying; the monotony in his voice had been so convincing that anyone who didn't really know the soldier, would have easily concluded it didn't matter to him. However, the subtle changes Elia perceived in the intensity with which he held her beside him said otherwise.

His mother's story was, by far, what touched the healer the most. She'd suspected the woman's life with him hadn't been easy, just like any other single mom; something she assumed because Levi never mentioned a father figure during those days when Ilva's life was slipping away. But she never remotely expected something like the woman forcing her way through life as a prostitute in order to survive.

"I just come from a random pig that used to frequent her, but she never bothered to even mention him. The one that mattered for her was me… it's what I remember most vividly" Elia wasn't oblivious to the longing she sensed in that last sentence. Twenty-eight years had passed since he lost her; she remembered because it happened the same year she was born "I honestly give no shit on whoever he is. He probably left her to her fate when he knocked her up, accusing her of lying to get something from him or whatever; it's not hard to figure given her trade" he scoffed, and she looked up to him, meeting his eyes, calm and collected "Maybe she didn't even bother on telling him. I don't know, and I don't care" that was true, and she knew the reason was because he later found the father figure he needed; not the best, but for an orphan boy, whose existence was of no importance to anybody except that man… well, it was better than nothing.

"Whoever he was, I'm grateful for his existence" she muttered, and raised her hand to touch his chin very softly. Elia smiled with kindness at the confusion in his countenance and hugged him tighter "Miserable, selfish or whatever that man was, you came into the world because of what he did, Levi. That's his one single merit, but your mother… The person who matters here is her. How remarkable and courageous she was in her decision to have you and fight, against everything and everyone".

He didn't say anything right away, but his eyes showed both gratitude and all the melancholy behind the memories he cherished. There was no smile but judging by the way he closed his eyes, Elia could tell he found peace on how her hand moved to the side of his head, to stroke his hair.

"It took me some time and several failed attempts to finally master the way she used to cut my hair" he commented, still eyes closed as he breathed in and out, at ease and enjoying the contact "Is good to know you like it this much".

Elia didn't know what to say to that, so she just continued to touch and play with his hair like she always did while she tried to envision all of it in her mind.

There was no way she could guess how the woman's life was, but she was certain that unlike most women under her circumstances, she chose the hardest path. Doing as best as she could with what little she had, she vested all of her devotion and clung to the hope he represented: what was good and pure in her life, and Elia admired her for that. Because there was no doubt that she'd loved him wholeheartedly and Levi fortunately knew that. What he'd just mentioned about a simple haircut was so full of meaning, just like the story behind the white cravat; a shred of the nightgown she wore for the last time was the one thing he kept of her, as a token of her love, his most treasured belonging, and indispensable amulet. So, the statement there was as clear as the sky on a summer day: his mother had been the most important person in his life, and even after decades, he still missed and respected her. And no matter how hard life had been on the woman, she did all what she could to protect him, especially from witnessing what she had to do for a living; perhaps asking a colleague to look after the child or leaving him in a safe place in the meantime. Had it been any other way, the man that was currently holding her would hardly be able to touch her, much less satisfy her as he'd been doing for over a month now. And, most importantly, he'd hate the woman that brought him into this world, but it was the complete opposite.

"I have no proof, but I bet that this humane heart of yours, the one you constantly hide from everyone, is one of the things you inherited it from her, just like your inner strength" she finally dared saying something, staring at him, thoughtfully. His eyes opened and found her gaze as he reflected on what she'd just said "Sometimes I wish everyone could see it".

"There is nothing for them to see about me. You're one of the few people I care for, so I'm fine with that" she gave away an affectionate smile at him before placing her left hand on his chest, where she could perfectly note the beating of his heart under the clothes. He was holding her so close that the heat coming from his body felt so cozy, familiar, and soothing "It's definitely the one exception where I'm glad that you were obstinate, patient and insane enough to want to be closer" he half-joked.

"Whoa, don't get all romantic on me now, Captain" she counterattacked, wondering how was that she got to be the lucky one to having him like this. But then, Elia sighed and went back to seriousness. Their conversation wasn't over, and she wanted to treat this information considerately "Whereas I know you fortunately got stronger after how difficult your life was without her, and all what your uncle taught you to move forward, it pains me to know how lonely you were. You and so many other children" she felt like crying to realize how lucky her mother had been, but sadly, that wasn't the case for most kids. Still, she didn't want to let him down, so she kept her tears at bay.

Levi moved his right hand to his chest and clasped her hand in silence, taking a minute to bask in the special sensation her delicate, smooth skin provided.

"It's not as bad as it sounds" he said, with that deep and apparently monotone voice he used on a daily basis, though that didn't mean he didn't care. Especially now that he was telling Elia the story of his excuse of a life, which he never did before with anyone. Not to this extent, and yet it felt surprisingly right. He moved his face to his left, close to her hair, to appreciate the smell of flowers he liked so much; it comforted him "Things changed when I met Furlan. And now that I think about it, I see the idiot was as hardheaded as you, but just like Isabel, none of them feared me, so we made a good team. And despite they weren't my real family, I suppose it's the closest I had to one after my mother passed away" Elia was again seeing in his eyes what his tone didn't show; the longing and sadness there implied how important they've been to him. She looked down, granting him a moment to finish what he was saying "Blood ties guaranteed nothing. Kenny was the best example" he added, deriding himself.

"Good point" Elia conceded, turning to see him again. He looked inside the gray of her eyes, lost in their mildness. Even when the subject was rather pathetic to him, Levi had been truly enjoying this quiet moment together, completely unaware of how addicted to his gaze the healer was, the subtle smiles he gave her or the way he sometimes blushed whenever she caught him off guard "But in his own way, I'm sure he came to love you".

"Hey, don't play me for a fool. I may look like a stupid teenager when I'm with you, but I'm not naïve" he said sarcastically, and furrowed his eyebrow when he noticed how honest her comment had been. His demeanor showed nothing but disbelief "Elia, you witnessed how he tried to kill me that day, so how can you possibly believe that?"

"Dear Captain Levi, I'd never try to fool you when we're discussing something like this, but yes, I do believe it. I actually think it was part of the reasons behind his decision to leave" he couldn't comprehend, and she surely realized because she got all serious and moved away to sit crossed-legged onto the bed, looking at him "More than fearing to fully embrace being your father, I suspect that, when he saw you were capable of surviving on your own, he chose to stay away and allow you to follow whatever path you wanted, as if he were setting you free. He may have done it to respect his sister's memory but I have the feeling that he'd come to love you enough to grant you that. You said yourself he was a man pursuing power and died trying to obtain it but he surely wasn't happy with the life he had. Maybe you were the closest to that feeling and that scared him" Elia saw how astonished he was to hear her, shocked by her analysis. She was taking everything she knew now as well as her own experience on meeting Kenny to explain better. She folded her arms before continuing "Of course, that doesn't mean he wasn't a selfish, cruel, quite twisted, and an avaricious man" she clarified "But he cared for you, Levi. Therefore, taking distance from the one person who could have changed his life and ambitions was the one option he saw. Because even if he didn't enjoy the life he had, he was in his comfort zone, and it requires courage to go out of it".

"Two things" Levi said, imitating her sitting position right in front of her "If he cared that much, how do you explain him trying to blow my head off?" he enumerated, raising an eyebrow "And second, how the hell was I able to make his life better? All he ever did was beat the shit out of me when I messed up, insult me when I acted like a softie because of what my mother taught me, and he never spent much time with me, saying he had his own business to tend. So, it's really hard to wrap my head around the possibility of him caring for anything aside from himself" he finished and stared at her, waiting.

"I'll begin with the second question first, if you don't mind" he heard her say, with a very subtle kind smile on her lips, full of understanding. And for some reason, he was anxious about what she'd say. Well, to be more accurate, that was the abandoned little boy that was still part of him, the one who hoped to comprehend because he needed to let go of Kenny the Ripper "You changed his life, Levi. That's why he walked away" Elia said, grabbing now one of his hands, to caress it distractedly "The fear to attachment and the unknown was stronger, so he stayed with what he knew: his skills, solitude, and his ambitions. Choosing you meant to become susceptible and defenseless because your life would have meant more than his own. You were his family, his real family, and had you been raised by him, you most likely would have turn out just as he was; someone who thinks it's normal and acceptable to hurt others for selfish reasons. Not because you were bad or anything like that; as the child you were, seeking his approval and making him proud would have been your primary goal, especially when you thought he was your real father. And I'm sure you'd have succeeded; you probably did. He must have seen it, and that frightened him because he was caring to a point of no return, and that represented nothing but weakness" Levi had been staring the past few minutes to their joined hands, how soft and welcoming her touch was while he listened to her steady, calm voice, absorbing every single word, wanting to believe it but also resisting it "Regarding your first question, I believe it's quite simple. You reunited now that you're a grown man, who managed to make his way to where you are and completely on your own, hence, he felt no remorse on hurting you. He probably wanted to test you, see what you were capable of; it's the impression I got after all what he said that day at the tavern, trying to provoke you. Let's not forget he wasn't that mature or sane, so in the games he liked to play, he saw in you the worthiest opponent to defeat before claiming his prize. After all, your name is as famous as his, because of how skilled and formidable you are, and just as feared".

"Did you ever fear me?" he asked after two minutes, not trying to change the topic. He was just curious now that she'd mentioned how people saw him in general, which he never cared for but her perception was entirely different "I'm as dangerous as Kenny, I've killed many standing in my way, I like discipline and the brats learnt it the hard way, and I'm always pragmatic when we're out there, which means I've left many to die and will continue to do so. That being the case, I'm no better than him and yet you're still here" he was suddenly thinking about the first time he'd seen her, on top of the Wall and the way they gazed at each other.

"Fear you… no. Not once" he saw her looking up at him now, her eyes just as intense and expressive as that day "I was aware that you were a severe man and very strict but not unfair; Ilva used to say that all the time. She worshiped you, and the day I met you, regardless of my desperation to know where she was, I was glad to corroborate that all what she thought of you was no lie" Elia smiled sheepishly and lowered her head, but he saw her blush "Sometimes it's hard to assimilate this is happening, that you're here. The Elia you saw that day wouldn't have believed this would ever happened, because even when I wasn't scared of you, you didn't seem that easy to approach" she squeezed his hand gently, and he returned the gesture, making her face him again, losing herself in those steel-blue eyes "You're not evil. All the things you mentioned about yourself, I won't deny them, but you don't do those for your own benefit or entertainment. And though I know you try your best out there and don't regret your decisions, I've seen how you suffer for the ones you cannot save" she moved to come and sit beside him, resting her head on his left shoulder after taking his hand back in hers "The war is not over, and you'll put your heart and your soul to keep on fighting, in your own name but also theirs..." she said, not wanting to mention the promise because that had been made to her sister "…and that's because you care, Levi. It's what makes you so different from your uncle".

"Fine, I won't deny that but I'm beginning to fear that no matter what I do, you refuse to see how unworthy I am" he said, closing his eyes for a moment "I just told you a while ago the story behind the Ackerman family, my mother's family, and how bloody it is. The way they've been hunted, like animals, and all the collateral damage that comes within that…" he was referring to their families and anyone involved "Elia, I've put you in danger; just to satisfy my wish to be here and have you, because I'm a selfish bastard and it really beats me why you're not scared or at least somewhat mad. I don't want you to but at the same time I hate myself for being unable to push you away for your safety, so don't tell me I'm not a bad, miserable rat".

"And I'm beginning to understand that no matter how many times I ask you not to treat yourself like that, you won't listen" she sighed, and smiled with sadness to their hands holding each other "I lost my entire family because of this war, and that was before you came into my life, Levi. They were regular citizens, just like me and there was no price on their heads or anything; it just happened because life is unpredictable. And it's why I choose to live, and right now, this…" she entwined her fingers with his, taking a couple seconds, waiting until he returned the gesture, making her smile when he gave in "This matters to me, as I know it does to you, or you wouldn't be this insistent on making me see I'm doing wrong by being with you, which you should already know, won't work. I rather live this together and accept the risk than a life in fear or regret. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, if you or me or everyone will perish, so it's pointless. And at the end, it's my decision" he sensed her head moving to watch his face, so he met her eyes on perfect timing.

"Your stubbornness is the one thing I cannot make up my mind about; I often wonder if its either a blessing or a curse" he scoffed and she playfully nudge him in the ribs, finally getting a tiny bit of amusement from his part, or so said the spark in his eyes. Levi then shook his head in defeat, internally grateful for how brave she was.

"I think you worry too much, Captain" she began to say, deciding to share the idea that was growing in her brain "There is a fairly simple solution for this Ackerman dilemma" she said, very sure of it.

This time it was him who tilted his head in confusion, until his eyes opened wide in shock when he comprehended what she'd meant, confirming it with two nods and a serene smile.

"Simple? How is that simple?!" he asked, visibly upset "You're taking this too lightly, as if we were discussing which detergent is the best to do laundry" he complained.

"I'm not. But I have no need of anything else, Levi" she got closer and kissed his cheek, then went back to the same position beside him, never leaving his eyes "It's possible if we're careful. Otherwise, our options are to just make it public and take the risk, or to separate until the war is over" he knew a part of him had been trying to help her see the whole picture but the sole mention of the second option made him both wrathful and desolated. He automatically tightened his grip where their hands were still holding "I know. I don't like that option either" she couldn't help a giggle at the cranky face before going stoic again "So we should give it a chance, you know?"

"Why aren't you mad about it?" he enquired, still bewildered "That means condemning you to secrecy, to loneliness and uncertainty but you're still smiling. Is this really worth the trouble?" He asked, knowing that to him, it was. But she was so different from him. And she'd be the one having to watch her back, never mention or ask about him and always wait in the shadows, where he'd lived most of his life.

The healer looked at him intently and moved her left hand to his face, touching the skin all so gently before moving it to the back of his head and tangled her fingers in his raven hair for a couple seconds before pulling him to her, to kiss him deep. He could tell she wasn't trying to arouse him, because all what he felt right now was her wanting to feel his lips on hers, demanding his warmth, so he complied.

Levi didn't know how but every single one of her gestures always managed to express something so powerful and unknown to him, a thing he didn't know what to call and yet he recognized fondness, care, yearning, and tenderness towards him; it was a non-spoken communication that felt like a promise of togetherness. And a glorious one because she was indeed, answering his question with it. The only problem was that his freaking cock inevitably wanted so much more, so he averted his face from hers before it was too late; that combination of sweetness in the way her mouth seared his as well as the sensations she caused with her hand holding his head while her fingertips basked in his undercut… it was deadly to him, so he concentrated on anything unrelated, like the dirt he'd found his little room at the barracks. It required an urgent cleaning after he'd spent most of his spare time and nights with Elia.

"I get it. I get it" he said, a bit face flushed. Controlling that part of himself was incredibly difficult and by the barely audible snort of amusement she gave away, he knew she suspected what'd just happened "Let's call a night. You're exhausted, and I don't want to get horny, so I'll change but I want you under these damn blankets by the time I'm done. Understood?"

Her eyes shone brighter out of sleepiness, no matter how she tried to suppress one or two yawns during their conversation, he noticed how tired she was. The bluish color of the bags under her eyes, as well as the pink on her cheeks made him uneasy but he believed her when she'd said it was all thanks to her monthly period. A thing he never had to deal with directly because he never had this kind of intimacy with any other, although he remembered how obnoxious Isabel became whenever she had hers; she always bitched about it, stating she'd have loved to be a boy instead. Boys have it easy, she used to say and pouted. Elia on the other hand never did, not at least during these two periods since the beginning of what they had.

"Right away, Captain" she obeyed, not without an insolent, mischievous smile on her lips, making him snort, exasperated but also gleeful. It was good to be back!

The soldier got out of the bed and changed into a simple white t-shirt, and the same sweatpants from days ago; he found those in the drawer of her closet, the one she'd emptied so he could keep a change of clean clothes there.

Now ready, he turned to her and smirked at the way she meticulously followed his instructions; she was lying on the left side of her bed, looking at the ceiling and a bit lost in thought, covered up to her chest, her hands on her stomach, very still. He walked to the right side, where he regularly slept and got comfortable next to her, mimicking her position. After a couple minutes, her voice resonated in the quietness of the space, not loud but clear.

"If I may, I want to give an appropriate response to your question now" she said, turning in his direction, to look to his face but keeping her hands close to her chest "I'm not mad, not even irritated. I'm a reserved person, Levi. Maybe not at the same level you are but close, and I like my privacy, which is why I've never needed people's approval or opinion for anything. Therefore, I have no need for others to know about us to feel how real it is" he wasn't observing her, but he noted how sincere her words were. He felt her curling up against his arm, so it was then he instinctively turned his body to hers, to face her, delighted by the lovely, confident smile he saw as he adjusted the blankets up to her shoulders; it was a cold night after all "All that matters is us knowing we wish to be together. So don't feel bad about it. You're not forcing me into anything. This was my idea, and it's just a precaution, because I don't want to give up on this. Whatever the world believes or ignores, I don't care".

Under the sheets, his hand got a hold of hers again, and he nodded once, in silence, accepting what she'd offered because he needed her. The soldier had no way to measure what was going on inside him, but the joy he experienced when she shared her viewpoint and rejected the idea of staying away from each other, was overwhelming. In a very good way.

"Guess we're clear then" he muttered, surrounding her back with his arm to drag her closer "But I gotta tell you how much I hate being unable to claim you're mine to the rest of the world. I don't care what they think either, but I definitely can't stand the idea of any idjit laying eyes on you. So whoever tries anything, he'll wish he were blind in the first place" he said, scathingly but something else came to his mind, hitting him; one important detail both had overlooked "Elia, even if we want to, it won't work. Us ain't a secret anymore"

"You may dislike and distrust him, but I guarantee that Garrett won't say anything to anyone. I don't even need to ask" she assured, cuddling in his embrace to distract him from stiffing and getting anxious about her old friend. She buried her face and hands in his chest, breathing in that manly and attractive scent of his, mixed with regular soap "Let's just live and leave the world behind us. Like right now that they're not aware of this but you have me right here, as I have you, and it's all that matters" she whispered and then finylly yawned. Her eyes were closing slowly.

"I know. But I still want for that to change one day so you better have no objections, woman" he said, expressing a rather new deep desire without giving much thought, and immediately after opened his eyes wide, surprised at his own words, plus the meaning behind them. He knew it was incredibly soon to think of anything like that, but he couldn't help becoming obsessed with the idea; he really liked how permanent that sounded.

"Mh-hmm" Levi lowered his face, looking her way after hearing the healer babbled in affirmation, barely conscious. Elia didn't get to hear the last thing he'd said, which he was glad about.

She dropped off, and he couldn't help breathing out, amused, and finally relaxing for good; even if she wasn't trying, her proximity still defied his self-control. Nonetheless, having her like this contributed to cooling whatever mood he was having, especially after long, tedious, and useless meetings with bureaucrats requiring periodic reports on their progress; the silver lining of course was having to come back to Trost for those.

Distracted, he observed her features, how harmoniously she slept beside him, and the soldier feared his sanity hanging by a thread because of how good and unreal this seemed; surely, it was a dream he was having when in reality he'd fallen asleep on a chair, alone in his room at HQ. You can touch her, stupid. She's real so don't waste you fucking time doubting it, his inner voice scolded, and the soldier obeyed, sliding his right hand down her long braid, the one she always loosened before bedtime.

"You were dead tired and yet you still wanted to please me" he grumbled as he carefully got rid of her hairband "I don't understand how you can drive me this nuts and still make me want you even more" he told her, knowing he hadn't meant that only physically.

He now ran his fingers through her dark hair, enjoying the silkiness as he delicately placed her magnificent mane on her pillow, away from her face. Getting carried away, he followed the line of her jaw with the tip of his thumb. That made her stir faintly, but to his wonder and utter joy, all she did, fast asleep, was to seek his closeness. Levi smiled full of that thing he experienced when she'd kissed him, and also mesmerized by the kind of quality that defined her, because even after sharing things that'd disgust most people, Elia was still there, and she wanted him.

The Captain never once told her how her words and very unique kind of perspective about things impressed him, because Elia saw easily beyond people's hard-shells, as it happened with him, past appearances.

He knew it was likely that she was wrong about Kenny, that he was nothing but a miserable, greedy asshole and yet there were a few chances for her theory to be true as well. It wasn't hard to imagine after how she put it, because the man could have chosen to stay away and let him die in the first place. They'd just met, there was no relation of any kind except blood but if he allowed his little sister to work in such place, he wouldn't hesitate to let her undernourished bastard die, right? But the murderous scoundrel saved his life and for years, gave him what was necessary to fend for himself. That had a reason, but it was one he never got to know, and died with him.

"Guess I shouldn't be surprised that you were able to see some good in Kenny" he commented to a sleeping Elia, enjoying the sound of her slow, steady breathing as he took a glimpse of the barely noticeable scar his mentor's knife had left on her neck "Even when he tried to cut your throat" he added, furious at that memory but then he recalled how he died, not ever imagining that the last question he asked would be what got him to this place, to her side.

Perhaps no one would come to know, but in this little world of theirs, the future looked a lot less grim and actually hopeful. Where little by little, her sole presence had started illuminating the corners of his mind, enthralling him with her gentleness, remarkable wisdom, and noble soul.

You'd have liked this woman, mother, he told her, now staring to the ceiling, truly believing that.

And for the first time in so long, Levi closed his eyes, just thankful to be alive. And above all, for her happiness to see him.


Hope you're enjoying these kind of moments together.

Namárië