CHAPTER XXXVIII

"Man, my butt won't ever be the same. Don't think I can feel it anymore!"

As he flanked Captain Levi's right rear, he doubted the boss cared enough to say anything, or maybe he hadn't got to hear it. He wasn't truly complaining but merely giving thoughts to that stupid sort of things to distract himself in the meantime. Especially after riding through the plains for almost four hours straight, although it had been longer when considering the first three after departing and the next two on foot when they came cross the first large group of trees, barely having five minutes to hydrate, both humans and horses before another hour walking.

"Dude, I told you back at Trost to get a cushion like Sasha and I did…" Jean heard the voice coming from his own rear, where Connie sided him "So your ass going flat is nothing but your fault" with no need to turn his head, he knew him exchanging a snide look with his forever partner in crime, to the left and right across him.

"Awww, you really think you had one?" this time it was Eren, riding at the center of the formation, who decided to join the conversation with his usual arrogant tone "I'm not literally rolling over laughing but that sure is the feeling right now" the jerk snorted, visibly amused.

"At least I don't need to shift into a giant monster to find mine" he retorted, catching the ooooh coming from Connie and the ouch from Sasha, enjoying his counterattack.

"Well, you still get to see some in my case. You on the other hand, lack one as a human or horse, ha!" he mocked, not ever missing his chance to piss him off.

"Guys, I don't think this is a good time..." he glanced to his right and saw Armin, by Captain Levi's left flank, whose eyes looked around nervously, yet his insecurity was all about riding in the dark, which had been his idea but as it usually happened with the guy, he feared being wrong.

"True. There are far more important things to discuss, like food. My empty stomach hurts, and badly" Sasha, riding behind Armin, whined "Can anyone ask the Captain when shall we eat?" she added, addressing no one in particular.

"He hears you loud and clear, Sasha" assured Mikasa, in charge of the group's rear. Her tone, as usual, expressed nothing except concentration.

"If you insist on acting like fucking mosquitoes buzzing in my ear, I'll spend what little time we have sewing the holes you have for mouths" the soldier warned with his characteristic sternness as they headed towards the forest on sight, around five miles away.

To the man's liking, everyone quit the chattering, though he believed it had more to do with the fact that they'd soon have to cross another wooded area, so moving slow was dangerous but necessary to keep going and also make it easier for their mounts. And according to the maps they'd studied over the past month, the one in front should be the penultimate green area before finally reaching Shiganshina. The third and last was only a little over an hour ahead of this, marking the end of this long trip and hopefully, the war as well.

Now, about three minutes away from the place Commander Erwin had apparently decided to take a break, him and the others saw Captain Levi extending his arm horizontally sideward, palm facing downward, thus, they slowed down and closed lines behind him. As they did, they got to watch the first eight groups setting camp by the edge of the tree lines, piling the lanterns they'd created with the titan ores at the center of each squad to cope with the darkness around thanks to the moonless night. Sure, bonfires would illuminate better but that demanded time they didn't have, and this was a good idea either way.

"Special Operations Squad" he heard the Commander's assistant saluting them, apparently in charge of indicating where they should locate "Commander Erwin said you must take position next to Dirk's Squad" the young soldier of course, addressed the Captain.

That'd place us fifth in the formation, Jean did the math, exchanging a quick look with Armin, and the way he lost what little color he had told him exactly what he'd guessed: as they grew closer to their objective, he got even more nervous. But that was reality, and strategically speaking, it made sense to have people like the Captain and Mikasa close to the front but not exactly in the vanguard, in case of an ambush.

"We leave in forty minutes, sir" Nicholas' words brought him back to the present.

"As far as I knew, it was half of it" despite they could only see the Captain's back, the tone suggested the man raising one of his eyebrows as he looked at the poor dude, who gulped and avoided his eyes for two seconds.

"Umm ri…right, yes. Err…That was indeed correct, but Commander Erwin modified our schedule, Captain" he explained, not sounding entirely confident after trying to disguise the sudden stutter.

That was a little comical considering the guy was incredibly diligent and serious and yet, Captain Levi still managed to intimidate him. Let's be fair, man. You could count with one hand the number of people that wouldn't falter in his presence, his inner self made a good point.

"Understood" his boss complied with a slight nod and spurred his horse to keep walking.

Requiring no more but the soldier briefly turning his face to the right, the six young soldiers did the same and followed him, leaving behind the four groups that have been riding at the front of theirs so far, amongst which he spotted Marlo, sitting on the ground and having a couple crackers while talking to two of his comrades, and unlike even some of their seniors, the guy didn't seem nervous or scared, not like regular rookies did during their first mission outside the walls, including themselves. Instead, he had the same calm expression of every morning, when they used to have breakfast at the mess hall. But since he didn't look in his direction, Jean averted his eyes to the front and kept moving towards the designated spot, leaded by the Captain.

As soon as the man dismounted and guided his mare to the biggest oak nearby, they all imitated him and tied their horses to the neighboring trees, and later gave them water in the pots they carried, happy to see they'd settled camp in a place where there was plenty grass around for all quadrupedal to graze. Once done with that, they moved onto taking their flashlights to the center of the circle they formed, leaving free the space where there was one rock, big enough for the Captain to seat on.

"Jean" his boss called as he stood by his horse and the rest went to take their places, carrying their few basic belongings.

Swiftly throwing his bag on his spot, he immediately walked towards him, noting he wasn't even looking as he patted the animal's forehead while feeding her with two carrots. A curious behavior from someone apparently indifferent, yet nothing in life was entirely white or black, and Captain Levi was no exception; he was very capable of kindness, although they had seen such behavior whenever not addressing mostly humans. And still, he's decent to you in other ways. Just, try not to piss him off again, his mind reminded the kick he got the previous night for fooling around.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Should any of you need to take a piss or a shit, do so before we leave. There won't be more stops after this" the soldier said without turning to him. Instead, he moved to the flank of his mount and untied one of his bags, the same he was now handing to him "Eating now is also mandatory. And leave Sasha for last" he obviously understood why but knew it'd made no difference; the girl was like a wild animal if food was involved.

"Got it, sir" he answered, slightly unsure when he felt his hands holding the bag. Thinking he may have been displeased by the silly comment he made before, so better say something and accept his punishment "Umm, I wanted to apologize for a while ago… I'm sure the whole company is experiencing the same due to the long hours on horseback, but it won't happen again, sir. Is just…".

"I have no interest whatsoever on hearing excuses nor whatever you brats jabber about" the man cut him off, huffing tiredly "Banter all you want, but avoid doing so in my presence".

That being said and having nodded automatically in response, his boss turned around and entered the forest in the dark, apparently not caring to bring a glowing crystal with him, but Captain Levi was Captain Levi, so better not meddling in his business, even less now that he clearly wanted a moment for himself.

By the time he lost sight of him, a partly relieved Jean let out a long sigh and went back to his group carrying the soft container, and only now dared to take a look at its content. Extra crackers? he pondered, confused. If that were the case, the thing should had been kind of weightless. To his bad luck, when he set eyes inside, there was no way to tell what they were because each thing, about the size of one big potato, had been wrapped in pieces of brown paper, but they most definitely weren't crackers; those had no scent, well, not taste either but came in handy when starving or being close to fainting out of fatigued. Now, feeling extra curious, he brought the bag to his face and perceived a delightful aroma coming from them, from which he recognized the smell of yeast. Cut the crap and just hand them over, his mind ordered, imitating the Captain's voice, and he hastened to do so.

All of a sudden, he perceived a sniffing sound to his left, and instinctively lifted the bag to the opposite side and stared at everyone, noting the absence of certain someone, the same he knew, was hiding behind him.

"Come on, Sasha. Will you please sit down?" Jean asked in world-weary tone as he walked towards the center of the gathering but briefly stopped and turned to her when he realized she was following him "I'm no snitch but in case you feel like assaulting me, and Captain Levi guesses what happened, I won't deny it" he warned, recalling how she bit him the night before, treating him like a chunk of meat.

"Doesn't smell like crackers or cheese" the girl said enthusiastically after stopping and slightly bent to give a closer sniff to the bag "What is it?" next thing he saw was a creepy smile on her face as she kind of drooled.

"Not sure. The Captain just said this the only time we'll have to eat and… take care of other physiological needs" he explained loud enough for all to hear as he approached to Armin first.

"Th…thanks" the boy mumbled with the weakest attempt of a smile when he placed the object in his hands, worrying him a little for how shaky they were.

"Take a deep breath and try not to think" he advised with a serious expression, knowing the blond comprehended he meant well "Save that for later, once we need your brain but don't use it torture yourself".

"I know" the blond weakly muttered and gave one nervous nod, but at least the timid smile was better than the dead pale face from before "Thank you, Jean" when he said it, he patted Armin's shoulder reassuringly, to let him know it was ok to be scared.

He couldn't blame him anyways. Albeit he too was afraid, this mission wasn't like the others; for the first time, all knew what they were up against, Eren was in control of his titan and powers, and last but not least, they had a couple tricks up their sleeve thanks to Hange's invention. Not to mention the six of them had undoubtedly built a different strength and confidence, as both individuals and as a team, thanks to the Captain's leadership and unmerciful trainings. True, they weren't as formidable as his former squad, but they had improved a great deal over these past months.

"You mean pee and poo, right?" Connie asked when he received his, wanting to make sure he'd gotten the info correctly. He then looked at the object curiously and sniffed it before opening it.

"Evidently" Jean responded as he turned to Mikasa. Not that the girl paid much attention to him for she was checking up on Eren out of the corner of her eyes, who was oddly quiet and self-absorbed.

"Why is he giving us this?" her low but steady voice asked when he handed the food.

"What if this is an omen of our doom or something?" as usual, Connie was speaking nonsense "Man, I don't remember the Captain giving us anything but cleaning supplies".

"Why don't you go tell him that, see how it goes?" Jean retorted sarcastically, though no hit to the guy's head from their boss would fix the weirdness going on in there "As to why he gave us this? Well, he told me it was a reward for being the most popular squad among the ranks".

"Really?" the boy replied as he started unwrapping his food, smiling foolishly.

"Of course not, you idiot" he blurted out, turning to the suicidal maniac and decided to throw the corresponding portion at him.

All in an attempt to break his train of gloomy thoughts, and the trick worked just fine because he caught it in the air with both hands. Still, the frown wasn't fully gone.

"Something wrong with your bowels? 'Cause if it starts smelling like number two, we'll know it's you" he teased, heading now to the most dangerous beast that often behaved like a girl, at least when food wasn't near her.

"Thanks for caring, Jean boy" the idiot said, deliberately using his mother's nickname for him to annoy him "I'll make sure to save some for you later, just so you see how nicely my guts work" the guy smirked and only then focused on the thing he'd caught, oblivious to Mikasa's disapproving look "What's with this?"

"Dunno. Captain Levi just handed this and said we should eat" he explained, finally giving Sasha hers, who'd been practically outstretching her arms in the waiting for her turn.

"Did he say anything else?" he heard Mikasa as he took his seat between Connie and Armin "By the way, where did he go?" she asked after turning her head to the left, from where he'd come.

Jean followed the girl's eyes with his and noticed the man hadn't returned, which made sense; he probably chose to go tend his own bodily functions while most of the military forces ate and have more privacy. Smart move, he snorted to himself.

"No. That's about it" he shared as he untied the tiny knot of his own share, however, he hadn't even managed to open it completely when suddenly felt someone's stare on him, and judging by the mild shivers on his back, Jean had a clear idea whom it was "The answer is no, Sasha" he said, taking a peep on her and twisted his mouth in disbelief when he realized she'd eaten the whole thing "Honestly, it's a miracle you haven't choked on food when you gobble it like that".

Connie was the only who giggled at his observation, and in view that the girl turned to her next possible victim, Armin, who'd barely brought himself to stare at his food, Jean simply shrugged and went back to his business, finally revealing a considerable piece of bread in his hands and yet it didn't seem like the regular kind, for the center was slightly darker, of a light brown tone. Same happened with its crust, only that was of an even darker brown and had sunflower seeds on top. From up close, he got to confirm it was indeed sweet-smelling though not pungent and it was incredibly pleasant, like his mother's honeyed walnut tart.

Walnuts! he realized and sniffed it once more before taking the first bite. To his utter delight, it was far better than expected; so delectable that he couldn't help closing his eyes and suppress humming a sigh in appreciation for the food without opening his mouth, still full.

"Mmm gug! Whe... gi he... geg ih" Connie mumbled after taking a big bite, not caring much for showing what he was currently chewing.

"How about you swallow that and try speaking English?" Jean asked, making a face and averting his eyes from the guy, back to his food.

Connie took a big sip of water then, trying to wash down the bread stuck in the esophagus and then cleaned his mouth with one of his sleeves before clearing his throat.

"I was asking where he got it, dude" his comrade said, scratching the back of his head with a confused expression "You see the man baking stuff in his spare time? Cos' I sure don't".

Regardless the frequent nonsense, Connie unexpectedly made the right question, one he hadn't contemplated for being too distracted with the bread's elating taste. Yet he was right to assume this wasn't the Captain's doing considering his hobbies came down to cleaning-related stuff, tea, or extra-training but cooking or baking stuff… hardly possible.

"Yeah, you're probably right about that" he agreed, recalling that one occasion when they were fugitives, and the vegetable soup he got them for breakfast.

Everyone had some back then, scared of the man they'd just started to know, and also unable to reject it when their resources were very limited. But it was bad enough to make his entire body tremble at the sole memory.

"A store maybe? I got to see quite a few in Trost whenever I had to help with groceries. Captain Levi headed straight to the infusions, but I remember seeing large pieces of bread there. Not that he ever bought one… or even glanced at them" this time it was Eren who spoke, licking his fingers after finishing his, looking unsure.

"A bakery" a weak voice offered, and his head turned towards it "Regular stores don't sell these" Armin explained with a shy smile, staring at the tiniest piece his fingers held, to what Jean raised an eyebrow and the guy lowered his face apologetically.

There was no need to ask. He gave most of his portion to Sasha, but he guessed it was ok; it didn't seem like he was capable of swallowing much really.

"Which would make perfect sense only… why would he buy something like this for us" Jean commented, taking silent delight in what little he had left.

"This doesn't come from any store" Sasha assured while innocently getting closer to the one person that apparently didn't care about the topic "I bet Mikasa's share, this is homemade".

"Gambling doesn't work like that, Sasha. You can't place a bet on something that ain't yours".

Mikasa apathetically clarified and proceeded to take small bites all around the piece. To what Sasha stared at with glossy eyes and mouth shrugging before dramatically throwing herself on the floor, face down, devastated.

"But I believe you're right" the raven-haired said, patting Sasha's head before leaving a small piece she'd saved for later inside the girl's hand, who instantaneously put it in her mouth and threw herself on her friend, hugging her.

"Sadly, that takes us nowhere" Jean observed, not at all convinced that the man did this by himself, and neither did the rest.

"Finding something of this quality in the market is not easy so, what if it was a gift?" Armin suggested, absentmindedly.

"Ooh, me like that, hehe" Connie came out with, intending to sound mysterious but the later giggle ruined it "Can you imagine?! Us eating something baked by the Captain's girlfriend…" he said with a silly smile as he elbowed him "Dude, she has the hands of an angel but what if she's pretty too?"

That got Jean and everyone speechless for moment, until they suddenly burst into laughter, well, except for Mikasa and Armin, who only smiled in amusement.

What they didn't know was that the very man they were talking about was close, behind the trees a few feet them, and had almost stepped out but froze when he realized the topic of discussion. Hadn't this been such delicate matter, he'd have been proud to see Connie's brain working so sharply when in general, him and Sasha weren't the ones with the brightest ideas.

By the time the laughter finally faded, he decided to wait and see if there was anything else, just in case. He hadn't even hesitated on giving them the bread, because it wasn't like her name was written on it, so it didn't matter. If necessary, lying about its origin wouldn't be difficult but he had no need to explain anything anyways. Then how the hell was the brat guessing so accurately? It was true it came from her, except he didn't consider the healer his girlfriend; the word itself sounded weird and not strong enough to describe what they were. Not that they'd ever discussed the topic... You're missing the point here. Also, weren't you not supposed to be thinking about her? His conscious nagged, so he concentrated on sharpening his hearing not to miss a thing in case they'd noticed him acting different.

"No matter how interesting that sounds…" Jean began to say this time, as he beheld the two bites he had left, feeling a little homesick "… it's the Captain we're talking about so, nah. This could perfectly be a present from one of the hundreds of people that stands with us, especially now that he's famous".

"Don't know where you've been all these years but, he's always been famous, genius" Eren rolled his eyes at him.

"I meant now that people admire, not fear him, jerk" Jean retorted, self-sufficiently.

"Yeah, it could have been someone from the crowd…" Sasha back him up and yawned before laying back on the ground, placing her palms on her stomach, full and relaxed. She mumbled something else, but Levi didn't get to hear it and neither did the others.

"See? One of the many biding us farewell yesterday, surely"

"And maybe, that someone was a lady" Connie insisted on the subject with the silliest smile, to what Jean simply shook his head, exasperated "What if she was pretty..." he added with dreamy eyes, holding his hands together, as if he were praying to make it real, but then he pouted in frustration "Oh man, I'd have paid to see her!".

"See what?" Jean asked, skeptical "I told you already: Captain Levi doesn't care about that kind of stuff".

"What do you mean?" Eren asked but the question was all over the faces he was looking at, except for Connie's; Marlo and him were the only ones he spoke about the hospital visits in detail.

"He was the one who took me to the hospital when I got injured two months ago" for evident reasons, he could only share the shortest version "And he also attended my check-ups, all four of them, so he met the nurses treating me, all very different from one another and yet they were gorgeous women" he made a pause then, trying to remember their faces in his head before continuing "Although the first one was quite intimidating. Don't get me wrong, she was super kind but there was something about her that made the lady a bit scary. Tho I guess it could be related to her not even remotely nervous around the boss. Like, not at all, and he watched her fixing my leg mostly in silence while I sweat like a pig".

Hidden in the dark, the man smirked smugly. Not thrilled at Jean considering her attractive, yet he was willing to let that go simply because the brat was fifteen and he'd seen him blushing in the presence of the other nurses. So, it wasn't other thing than admiration towards the woman's unyielding attitude towards him. That was the main reason why he remembered her.

"That's the perception of your horse brain. Doesn't necessarily have to be the Captain's" Eren said as he stood up and started stretching his limbs while Jean looked daggers at him "In fact, he was probably trying hard not to beat the shit out of you for getting injured" he declared, derisively.

Levi had judged this discussion dangerous but seeing how far from the truth they were despite being ridiculously close was, for some strange reason, amusing. Stress-relieving even. And though he didn't want to think about her now, he couldn't help agreeing she was intimidating; the kind to take bullshit from no one, him included.

"Who knows… All I remember is how epic was to hear the lady being an insolent in the most diplomatic way and then getting away with it" Jean retorted, vehemently and nodded several times to the incredulity in their faces "Yeah, she scolded the man and lived" he then put the last piece of bread in his mouth, enjoyed it, like he savored that memory whenever their boss was in a bad mood.

The boy preferred not to think about what he saw through the door. None of that was mentioned to anyone because he didn't know to how make sense of it; Captain Levi was harsh and ill-tongued, but the man wasn't that kind of bully, or a sexist, let alone a pervert. He'd seen him around his female comrades, sometimes in their underwear, and never once saw him acting like a creep so maybe, he imagined such attitude, as a side effect of the injection. Besides, the nurse most certainly would have filled complaint for inappropriate behavior… the voice in his head added, and he agreed.

"Dude, what's your point with all this?" Connie whined, for it was too much information and it terribly annoyed him having to imagine these women Jean spoke about.

"I merely stated that whether it was a lady who gave this to the Captain, pretty or not, it means nothing" Jean shrugged, and drank some water.

"Like he was gonna tell ya about it, smarty-ass" Eren mocked and he showed him the middle finger in response.

He'd have seen Mikasa talking to Armin's ear and the nervousness in the guy's face if he hadn't been cursing the jerk. But it was Eren's reaction what gave him the right clue, as he got very still and quiet while looking right past him.

"Never imagined my preferences could be of any importance to our mission".

Was there any need to turn and see to whom that voice and cynical tone belonged to? No. Even momentarily squeezing his eyes shut he could see the image of him, standing arms folded right behind him, and his eyes fixed at the back of his head with a piercing gaze; not at all happy.

"Ca... Captain" Jean stuttered. This was a second mistake in less than an hour, although to be fair, they technically hadn't been speaking any of this in front of him. As he stood upright, he decided to man up and face his doom either way, and so did the rest.

Those tiny eyes and furrowed brow warned him no to dare looking down, no matter how embarrassed and alarmed he felt. Those were the rules: to always deal with the consequences, like the soldiers they were.

"Was it hilarious, entertaining at least?" the man began to say, raising one of his eyebrows condescendingly "It has to if we choose gossip to be our most efficient strategy and distraction, don't you think?" he inquired and looked to all, glad to see they were indeed, ashamed.

"It wasn't, sir" Jean answered. Remaining silent would not help one bit, no matter how sarcastic the man's questions were "And helps not on the mission".

"And any of you know why?" Captain Levi addressed all the faces there, glad to see the regret and fear in them, although he opted to let it pass for two reasons; one, Armin and Jean were turning somewhat green and would soon puke due to stress; and two, logically, he couldn't beat the hell out of them at this point. He needed them at their best so… "Because it's bullshit no one cares about" he said with a deadly glare, just so they didn't forget "And I don't want to hear of it ever again, is that clear?"

Both Eren and Connie joined him in giving one obedient nod ad they stood firmly. Armin and Mikasa barely said a word during the exchange, so they just waited in their places without saying a word nor moving, but all of a sudden, a sonorous snore startled all but their boss.

How the hell Sasha managed to fall asleep there was a complete mystery, but it wasn't surprising at all. Still, none dared moving an inch when the Captain walked in her direction and poured some water on her face.

"Mine boiled, please!" the girl exclaimed as she abruptly sat upright, and he got to see some drooling before she wiped it with the back of her sleeve.

She'd been probably gone for ten minutes but she truly looked disoriented, and soon started rubbing her eyes before staring at them and note the man's presence.

"Thank you for the food, sir!" she exclaimed and stood up in the blink of an eye, forming properly "May I have some more, please?"

Jean smacked his hand to his forehead while Connie covered his mouth with two hands, trying to suppress a chuckle. Eren on the other hand looked down and away while Armin froze in alarm, and Mikasa sighed, tiredly.

"How many did you have?"

"Ummm, two?" Sasha at least had the decency not to lie.

"Jean" he got slightly jumped when he heard him calling on his name but nodded once at the man, whose eyes gave him a once-over and then returned to his hoggish comrade "Last time I checked, there were six pieces of bread inside the bag".

"Yes, sir. One per each of us" he answered, fighting the urge not to look down or he'd get even more pissed.

"Then how come Sasha magically ended up with two?" their boss asked and started walking around, inside the circle formed by them "Either that or my math and yours are just as shitty".

He gulped and tried to hide it but having the man's indifferent eyes on him like this was no help. However, right when he'd opened his mouth to accept his failure, Armin stepped in.

"I… I gave mine to her, Captain" the blond declared, quite nervously and looking greener than before "I lost my appetite since before we left Trost. That's why I thought better giving it to someone who'd take much delight in such delicacy".

"Overfeeding Sasha's bottomless pit isn't wise when we're so close on engaging the enemy. We all must stay frosty and keep our heads on a swivel. Understood?" the man said, ignoring Armin's praise as he headed to the rock no one was sitting on, barely moving his eyes from one to another, dead serious but fortunately, not pissed "All, down" he ordered, and they obeyed.

Even when he'd come to accept the possibility of losing them since day one, the soldier knew that'd hurt, just like every single death under his leadership. Because sometimes stupid and all, he cared for these brats; kids who knew how this may end for them and yet would still give their lives trying to make a difference to end this nightmare. Sure, they might shit themselves during battle but the fact that they had been continuously fighting their own survival instincts, wanting to escape, was enough to take pride in each, to respect them and honor their deaths if need be.

"As you already know, we leave in ten" he started with, taking a few more seconds on staring at Sasha, who looked a little sleepy but quickly recovered when she noticed him glaring angrily, working as the perfect wake-up call "I doubt having the time to say this later but just to be clear, you don't' have permission to die" Levi said, this time finally seeing true fear in their faces; some for their lives, others for someone else's, and one for failing "The one reason you may disobey would be having the success of what we came here to do, depending on it. Otherwise, forget it, or I'll find you in hell and make your stay far worse" to most people, that may have sounded like a joke, but they knew he meant every word. "No matter how strung out you are, giving up is not an option. I taught you the essential over the past months and you better use it, or it'll mean a waste of my time" none of them dared to interrupt him, not even after taking several seconds before finishing his peptalk "Once game time begins, remember there's no place else to run, so we can't waver and allow those fuckers in here. Not if we don't want for Shiganshina to happen again. Got it?"

"Yes, sir!" they all said in unison. Resoluteness mixed with certain sadness was all there was in these six pairs of eyes currently, but he was glad they comprehended how serious this was.

"Good. Now go take care of your filthy bowels or you'll make it back to Trost half-naked 'cause I'm not willing to stand your stench afterwards" as soon as he said that, the six teenagers dashed away into the wood, carrying some lanterns before disappearing behind the second line of trees.

As soon as they got out of sight, Levi exhaled and looked up at the dark sky, so vast and kind of lifeless when the moon wasn't there to brighten the land, to be the hope and promise of light until dawn fell upon them. Was this the last nighttime he'd get to see? he wondered and couldn't help thinking it'd have been nice to see a full moon like the one he contemplated alongside Isabel and Farlan years ago, when they dreamt of a future and their freedom, which in the end was nothing but a mere illusion or so he believed, considering their lives were at the mercy of monsters that turned out to be people, prisoners of such disgusting fate yet things were no better for any of them.

But they hadn't imprisoned your mind, nor your spirit, Levi… instead of his own annoying inner voice, this was Farlan's and his eyes widened as he instinctively glanced all around him, searching for the idiot but the only ones nearby were soldiers coming and going while others finished a light bite of crackers and water. That's right, Levi-bro! he looked down and closed his eyes for a couple seconds, tightening his fists to his sides when he heard Isabel. And no, you're not going wacky, the girl added, and he could even picture that childish, familiar expression of hers. We're not there but in your mind, just to tell you things you already know but stubbornly ignore, Farlan said, helping him calm the anxiety that'd been building inside since he started wondering if this would be the last night alive when, to be honest, that'd been more about Erwin. He truly had accepted and respected his decision after understanding why he'd made this call, just like those two had done that night on the roof, claiming their right to choose. Still, that didn't mean he could switch off the fear of losing him now that they were so close to hell breaking loose. He's no kid, and had the roles flipped, you'd have kicked his arse and hated him for asking you to stay behind… Isabel's words pointed out, reminding him of his own goals, and the promise that involved them too. If he must die, let him do so in his own terms, Levi. Your own fight is for far more than one life, whether is his, goggles, the brats or her

The soldier's hands released their tension as his eyes opened right before he got to see those gray ones in his mind at Farlan's words. And quite fortunately, certain apparition nearby helped him block thoughts that could cause a disturbance inside him when he comprehended what the corners of his head were trying to tell.

Speaking of the devil... he scoffed to himself when he saw the blond with the squad beside his, surely giving words of encouragement. Nevertheless, since he didn't need such, Levi turned around and went back to the edge of the forest, where their mounts were.

Patting the mare's side when she greeted him with a soft, welcoming nicker, the soldier resolved giving one last check to the girth straps and secure the two saddlebags loaded over the front quarters of the animal, well aware that the one to the right contained what he had not dared to touch nor taste.

"Ready, friend?" he asked, standing right in front of his horse, the same that gently nudged his shoulder with her muzzle, as if she were responding to that, or so said the solemnity in the mare's eyes.

"That's a good question, though it's hard to tell" Erwin's voice came from behind them, taking advantage of the question that was meant for the quadrupedal "I'm readier than most, but not as ready compared to others" he snorted at his own reference to the arm he lost, finding it amusing.

"Good thing it wasn't your brain what's compromised… most of the time at least" the Captain commented sarcastically without turning his face in his direction and yet it was his friend who moved to stand in between Levi's and Jean's transport "What is it?"

"Nothing. Been merely walking around to prevent eventual cramps. Having one while we advance through this much vegetation doesn't sound too appealing" the blond explained, discreetly watching his interaction with the mammal as he caressed the side of it.

"I trust you're not doing this over some moronic sentimentalism" the soldier muttered, this time looking inquisitively in his direction.

"What thing?"

"This break" he clarified, doubting the Commander hadn't really understood "We need our men focused, not distracted and having the false illusion of this being like any other mission".

"The horses have taken the heaviest load of this journey" the blond replied, giving one slight bow of his head to the animal before caressing her poll "Neither them nor us will have any other moment of peace" he added, but in view of the frown in the soldier's face he decided to add something else "Giving them a couple extra minutes to think is not going to weakened them but the contrary, Levi. It's time to recall who they are and what they fight for but also strengthen the ties they have amongst them; to build a bond is to build trust, and that's essential when we work as a team".

"Hope wasting time to discuss absolutely meaningless things serves them well then" he ironized, recalling what his own brats were talking about.

"I'm sure it does" Erwin said with a stupid kind smile "Exchanging a couple of minutes with your peers, or your close ones, help releasing tensions, my friend".

As you're doing now and it sure helps forgetting about the possible negative outcomes for you, Farlan's words sounded sarcastic, but also reminded him of the fate that awaited his friend, who showed no trace of fear of any kind but his iron resolve and the eagerness to face his destiny.

Intending to give one final piece of advice to his friend, one that concerned his personal life, the blond decided this was the best chance considering there might not one later. Not because he had anything to say about it, no. His thoughts had more to do with not knowing how things would turn out in a couple of hours, and fearing his friend could take the wrong path, back to secluding himself and losing the one thing he never sought for himself. But neither him or the healer deserved such fate when he was positive, they could make it work, yet being racked with guilt and the impotence of being unable to change things, despite his strength and skills, was also likely in Levi, leading him to isolation once again. Because he'd seen that rage long ago, the same that remained dormant, buried inside, and though it may never come out again, it could still consume the man.

"Le..." the blond had just started saying but at that precise moment, his stomach decided to interrupt his words with a quite sonorously growl, the same that earned him a reproving glare from his friend.

In less than five seconds, he watched him looking through his stuff until he pulled out of his satchel an object, barely larger than his fist and wrapped in a piece of light-gray cloth. At plain sight it was hard to tell what it was, but thanks to the note he accidentally found at the locker room, Erwin figured it out. Yet the surprising part came when he saw his friend offering that to him, not blind to a subtle and brief sting of pain nor the absence of regret in his eyes when he did.

"I'm not deaf so spare me the part where you lie about not being hungry" in view of his non-response, the Captain placed the item on his chest and let go when his hand instinctively moved to hold it "This is the third time your guts do that disgusting sound".

After that, his friend quickly returned beside his mare and started rearranging the saddlebags, to balance the weight on both sides of her, not once staring back at the food.

"Alright, I won't lie but… what about you?" the Commander said, glancing at the small package in his hand, believing this was the last piece of bread he had, and it was certainly his, for none of the young soldiers under his command were nearby but he'd seen them eating and chatting cheerfully a couple minutes ago "I'll take half of it and you the other".

Right when he'd been about to start unraveling the food, Levi turned in his direction and shook his head no.

"Don't bother. The idea of chowing down my food is not appealing at all" the soldier said, alluding to mostly the lack of proper time to prepare himself a nice cup of tea, because breakfast without a minimum of two cups wasn't a true first meal of the day.

However, Erwin could sense something else behind those words, something related to the food itself instead, or the one who baked it. And after hearing his opinion on allowing their people to distract themselves, he comprehended this had more to do with Levi and the fact that he hated having a minimum time to think, that was why he just wouldn't risk himself to miss her now. It was the reason why he hadn't dare to touch her present, which was a pity if it tasted nearly as great as it smelled but he'd respect his decision.

"Thank you, Levi" the blond voiced as he carefully opened it and halved the piece of bread, taking one to his mouth, aware of the man not even staring "It's good" was all he said, saving the real appreciation for himself, not torment him, especially for how easily jealous he got.

He has no clue you know where this comes from, his mind pointed out, yet he was mostly thinking about the soldier envying him for getting to eat it so freely. Even so, the fact that Levi was giving this to him was a big deal for he wouldn't have shared such precious gift with just anyone. It was a gesture that reminded him how grateful he was for having someone as loyal, brutally honest, clever, and committed as he'd been all these years.

"Don't mention it" the soldier muttered, still avoiding gazing at him, clearly unwilling to keep on talking.

With no need of another cue to leave, he gave one last nod in his direction and walked away, feeling a bit blue about never having the chance to speak about her, as normal friends would in other circumstances, if titans didn't exist and there wasn't a war to fight. It's a delusional wish, to imagine a world without them, the blond said to himself, chortling at his thoughts. But hey, there's no charge for dreaming... his inner voice pointed out.


Turns out all the tiredness and malaise from last time was covid.

Thankfully, I'm almost fully recovered (no thanks to one persistent coughing) but the headaches kept me from the computer for several days, which was frustrating and got me a little down but I'm finally back, so thank you for your patience.

Namárië