CHAPTER XL

As predicted, the past three days had been tough for her protégé, who'd silently struggled to appease her anxiety, and surely also fear, by keeping herself as busy as possible, not to allow herself time to think about what could be happening or worse, what might have happened miles away after three days; the probable scenarios seemed no good in view of the absolute lack of news.

The only thing she knew for certain, well, she and everyone in the city, was about Commander Pixis' select group of soldiers who'd be deployed within two days, according to the High command's plan, set before the mission even started. A course of action to be taken if no messenger returned past four days, and whose sole mission was investigating; in simpler words, to go confirm their deaths but most of all, find out why the enemy had not attacked the walls yet.

Liked it or not, it was impossible not to muse about this as she observed Elia entering the hospital lunchroom in search of her meal, which she'd catalog as a mere snack lately; some fruit, a small piece of bread and a glass of water was all she got, and this last one the girl pretty much gulped it down right there, bowed her head politely to the food service worker that gave her those and flashed one apologetic smile in her direction before disappearing behind the door.

Let her be, Griselda. She evidently wants some time alone… her inner self responded when she started wondering whether to follow her or not. And she was right; she'd learnt long ago that such behavior was some sort of defense mechanism of her. Ever since the young woman began to study and work at the hospital, regardless exceeding herself, the loss of her family had still been too fresh and a bit overwhelming, so Elia regularly sought peace in solitude to grieve and recover. At first, it had worried her enough to find herself following the healer but stopped halfway through when she realized time and quietness was all she needed, and her favorite place to do so was at the rooftop.

She sure headed there now, Griselda thought, unconsciously sighing before paying further attention to the conversation she was having with her colleague, the other senior nurse, who'd been going on and on about a potential emergency evacuation for the past fifteen minutes, concerned on where should they move the patients to in case of an eventual attack, information that had been only shared with exclusive staff for the patients' sake. So, the discussion made sense, especially when the Scouting Legion had been presumably defeated; she truly hoped that wasn't the case, because of the innocent lives that'd be in peril but also thinking about her friend.

"Wouldn't you agree that Karanes sounds like the best choice? Krolva may be at the same distance, but the land on the way there isn't the friendliest to carts. I know because my husband happened to lose half of them throughout the years" her colleague stated, after taking a long sip of milk "Besides, my sister wrote me a few days ago affirming that..."

The lady had just said that when suddenly, narrowed eyes and tilting her face, Griselda looked way confused, and so did her conversational partner, who abruptly interrupted her speech and turned her head towards the nearest window, just like everyone else in there, trying to decipher the noise coming from outside, the murmurs and multiple voices speaking all at once and coming from different points in the city streets, dozens of people buzzing and chatting, at least quite merrily.

A general confusion that lasted around three minutes, interrupted by a young stretcher bearer's hasty entrance, whose messy black hair attested how agitated he was, although his exultant brown eyes darted from one face to another as his chest went up and down to steady his breathing. Anyone would have thought he was here to deliver bad news to somebody there yet the incredulous smile tugging at his lips said otherwise.

"Doctor Nowak" the young man managed to articulate as he kept gazing around and the many faces there looked back at him with curiosity, amongst which the person alluded stood up somewhat reticently whilst the other subject sighed relieved for having found him. He then proceeded to search for someone else. "Nurse Meyer" he called.

Intrigued, Griselda turned to the woman in front of her, suspecting where this was going yet at the same time trying not to keep her hopes high.

"Is it my idea or did that boy just call my name?" the cranky woman across the table asked, not thrilled for this and in all likelihood, not even guessing why.

"Indeed, he did. Just a second ago" she confirmed, just as surprised "And according to that face, it's urgent" that was obvious, but the other woman had not done the math yet.

"I hope it's not another horse accident" commented somewhat unenthusiastically and raised her hand in the air to tell the lad where she was.

They watched him nod and go first to talk to the doctor, but from moment to the next, everyone got startled at the thundering sound of the chimes in the watchtower, reaching every corner in the district, and its unmistakable rhythm ended up confirming her what most citizens had considered doubtful at this point: they were back.

It couldn't be anything else, not when they were making such a fuss over it; noon chimes had passed an hour ago, and these were louder. Not to mention easily recognizable for her, after spending years looking forward to hearing them in the wait for her son's return. That until he never would, and so this sound started haunting her at night, when her dreams evoked him. Fortunately, these eventually ceased though that didn't mean the bells didn't unnerve her a little.

The shock had been so great that she momentarily forgot where they were until she felt someone's hand pulling her apron a bit, bringing her back to present. The woman looked down, seeking whoever did that, only to see her fellow nurse staring up at her, worriedly.

"What is it? You got up without a warning and went pale... Are you alright, Griselda?" the older lady enquired, looking at her from below, still sitting.

"Huh?" only now realizing she'd unconsciously stood up. Taking a look around, she saw a couple colleagues leaving their empty trays onto the tables and retire, surely wanting to go sneaking a little before getting back to work "I'm sorry. Just a reflex; for a moment I thought my son was back too".

"Oh, do not apologize, Griselda! I'm sorry I forgot" the slip-up got the lady blushing, and it was one perfect way to distract her from her cranky, uncooperative spirit as she watched the young man a couple steps away with a pleading expression, unsure to address her colleague or interrupt her because everyone in the hospital was aware of her temper. So, she winked at him encouragingly.

"Don't mind me, it's just an old habit that caught me off guard, that's all" she assured and took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly "Let's hear the young lad behind you instead, shall we? Now we know it's important".

The nurse gazed at him and so did the other lady, looking a bit exasperated but much more willing to listen.

"Save it, kid" her colleague said when he clumsily bent to greet them "What do you want with me and the doctor?"

"Oh, umm I'm afraid I cannot really say. I was just instructed to take you two with me, Ma'am" he shared, somewhat nervous.

"Take us where?" the lady's forehead puckered in disagreement and, in view of his non-response, she insisted "I trust Griselda's discretion here, so you spill the beans now or I won't go".

The young man darted a quick glance at her, realizing he had no choice if he didn't want to waste more time.

"To the military headquarters, Ma'am" he whispered, lowering his head a little and checking no one around heard that "Someone else will fill you in about the details once we're in the transport, but we must leave now before the streets are blocked".

Elia! her inner self shouted after hearing that, needing to talk to her; she was directly affected by this, hopefully in a good way. But if they sent for specific skilled professionals to take there instead of having the soldiers being rushed to the hospital, then it meant there were wounded among the ranks but not as many as that night she'd been called to treat Commander Erwin.

"Griselda?" not knowing when it happened, she just knew she had her colleague's hands on her shoulders while she stared at her worriedly "Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, dear. I am" she assured and her colleague let go of her gently "Did you say anything?"

"Uh, yes. I don't have the time so please tell Jeyne to supervise the girls".

"Oh, no. Allow me. I'll do it" picking up both of their trays, the woman quickly collected herself "I'll take care of this and the trainees so don't worry about anything here. Just go".

The other woman scrutinized her for a couple seconds before giving a single, very formal nod in acceptance and then turned to follow the subject towards the exit, where the doctor was talking to a couple fellow doctors, surely appointing one of them in charge and giving instructions to the others.

Now alone, Griselda checked the clock on the white wall above the kitchen door, relieved to see she still had time before going back to her duties. Had she not known of Elia's whereabouts, the next half hour would have been one awful headache trying to find her. Not because she feared her protégé would leave the premises to see her man, no. She was dutiful to the point of fanaticism, so responsibilities came first, which of course didn't mean she wouldn't want to know or make sure he was alright, but quite fortunately, where she was at right now would allow her to do so perfectly.

As soon as the nurse walked through the door and set foot outside, the sun's rays momentarily blinded her, so holding her hand at arm's length, she blocked sunlight from reaching her eyes. By the time they got used to the brightness around, she searched for the girl but only saw the empty benches up there.

Where did this girl go? Griselda wondered, scratching her head in confusion, until it hit her: the avenue where the soldiers were supposed to pass by was the one south of the building so, the instant she went around that door, she couldn't help but smile, relieved.

Her friend was near the edge, resting her back and elbows on the building parapet and looking heavenward while several locks of her ebony brown hair that had escaped the braid flowed in the wind, in her direction. She'd been apparently calm but her countenance showed great surprise when she heard her footsteps getting closer.

Whatever happens, don't let her know you're aware of her relationship with the Commander, her inner self recommended as she saw her standing up straight and giving a glimpse towards the avenue behind her.

Gathering courage as she walked towards her, Griselda comprehended her presence had not made her uncomfortable but merely caught her off balance, yet Elia wasn't going to reject her. In fact, the instant she got to stand about seven feet in front of her, the doubt in those had vanished, replaced by her usual warmth, and even though the tiny smile she greeted her with didn't fully reach her eyes, the older woman knew the gesture was sincere.

Stay with her, the voice inside her head ordered, not that she needed the command; Elia was her friend, and she knew it wasn't wise to leave her on her own when something told her she'd need her.

"This is one lovely view of our town, but I believe I'm too old to climb those stairs on a daily basis" Griselda half-joked, slightly panting to distract her.

"You're not old, Gris" the girl contradicted and then adopted a more serious face, preoccupied "What are you doing here? Did something happen?"

Griselda snorted and smiled, appreciating her kindness. She could tell she was probably wondering if she had any further news.

"Hey, don't take me for a snooper but I wanted to know what all the fuzz is about" the woman moved forward and leaned on the parapet, pretending to observe the folks on the streets, where their murmuring grew louder, considering herself fortunate for not having to lie; at this point, everyone knew what was going on.

"I'd never take you for one" the healer took one deep breath and exhaled it two seconds later, before turning and imitate her posture but focused on the horizon, forcing a little smile "And no one here is entitled to judge you when they all wish to learn the same, don't they?"

"Certainly" she conceded, taking a thorough survey on her protégé when she turned her head to the right, towards some other people gathering on their own rooftops to get a better view. Most of them were families with children, who clearly wouldn't see a thing had they joined the multitude below.

"Did you get to have lunch?" Elia enquired without turning to her "You'd barely taken a seat when I stopped by and that wasn't so long ago".

Is she for real? How can she ask that when she's the one not having a proper meal lately? The nurse mused, stopping herself from rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I did. You know I'm pretty much in the habit of gobbling the food down because of the lack of time and emergencies, so I finished five minutes after you left. How about you?"

"I finished mine on my way here. And I'm positive you're concerned I didn't have much" her mouth curved into a tiny smile when she turned and saw her pressing her lips together into a slight frown "You're easy to read, Gris. But honestly, it's nothing. I've got a couple headaches so that's why I haven't eaten like I normally do".

That didn't seem like a lie. Not when she knew what was like to have restless nights and sometimes cry in distress for the lack of news.

"Alright then. Makes sense when you fear throwing all up if the pain gets worse" Elia nodded a few times in agreement, somewhat absentmindedly, and then a group of men that were very drunk and toasting noisily called her attention "Now that I think about it, I've just realized vomit is the thing I least enjoy in this line of work. It smells dreadfully and it takes everything in me not to barf myself".

She was trying to lighten the mood and let her know she was safe with her, whether she wanted to discuss her current state of heart and mind or not.

"Huh?" her friend turned to her, tilting her head in confusion. It was evident the harbored hopes she tried to conceal were taking over "Sorry, Gris. What were you saying?"

"Nothing, dear. I was just rambling out of stress" that didn't work to explain herself, so she shared some more details "I'll be supervising our newest students until Thursday so I'm foreseeing the next three days are going to be long for me, and God help me but I'm not getting any more patient within each day".

"Why you say that?"

"Because having to deal with these newbies is exhausting" the older woman confessed, glad to see she was succeeding on keeping her mind busy "Cases like yours are not so frequent, you know?"

"They'll be working on their own in no time" the girl assured, gazing up to the sky as her chest went up and down ponderously, intending to calm her anxiety by letting her breath flow as deep down into her lungs, without forcing it, and then let it out gently "Bear in mind these girls are like a decade younger than me so…"

"Their youth is hardly the issue here" she clarified "Frankly, and without knowing back then, I daresay you were far more thorough with patients at their age, regardless of your father's supervision" the lady couldn't help recalling the pleasant surprise she experienced when Elia passed the entrance exam with a perfect score, on her first try.

"I got to be around patients even before I had any knowledge on how to treat them, Gris" her friend pointed out, smiling faintly; that surely brought back nice memories.

"Guess you gotta point there" Griselda granted and let out one sigh of exhaustion.

One that had nothing to do with the young students but the large number of people congregated in the avenue, where three Garrison officers tried to put some order and, surprisingly, people was cooperating, which got her internally dumbstruck.

"This honestly makes me happy" Elia's voice interrupted her train of thought then, and she could tell she truly sounded contented "Never thought I see the day our people would finally appreciate them".

Automatically, Griselda looked to her side and noticed a demeanor that would have shown enthusiasm if it weren't for those melancholic gray eyes and the yearning in them.

She sure is thinking about her sister… she thought, aware that she'd have been part of this much-anticipated arrival had she been alive.

"Given the things you've shared about her, I'm positive your sister would have showed herself rather skeptical about this, the people and the energy around" the older lady uttered as she looked past Elia, to the small clouds passing by, glad to hear her words at least managed to cheer her a little bit, or so stated the chortle she let out.

"Ilva was a lot like you" having her saying such thing got her full attention back at her, liking the tiny smile that somehow lightened her own grim thoughts "Two personalities quite alike, and with all due respect, dear Gris, especially when it comes to bear a grudge" an amused yet still nostalgic Elia shared as she tucked one long lock of her hair behind her ear, and then leaned a bit more on the building parapet "She'd have been so miffed right now, looking daggers at the civilians, wanting to remind them how unfair and mean they'd been to her people over the years" her protégé explained, closing her eyes to picture the scenario in her head "But since her duty was to protect them either way, simply throwing a bunch of the smelliest socks at them would have had to suffice".

Griselda couldn't help letting slip one heartfelt chuckle as she looked to the crowds on both sides of the main street and the hundreds sticking their heads out of their windows, waiting for any signs from the militia.

"You know, I always pictured her like a rebel, not at all as composed or exaggeratedly formal as you, dear. However, a retaliation like that is not my style" the lady laughed, and so did her friend yet after giving one short glance at her, she could tell Elia was beginning to get restless with this agonizing wait.

There's a knot in your stomach right now. Hers must be far worse, her inner self pointed out, hearing the gossip and collective murmuring coming from all directions while everyone paid extra attention to the south of the avenue, which didn't help. So, she decided to prolong the topic a bit more to distract her.

"It's curious how different siblings can be despite having been raised by the same people and taught the same principles".

"I know what you mean, and you're right; it's an interesting thing though I guess it has a lot to do with us having different personalities and experiences" Elia agreed, and judging by the odd pause she made, it was easy to see there was something else on her mind "I'd have loved to be half as brave as she was".

The girl almost whispered, gazing up to the sky with both longing and fear in those eyes, which was undoubtedly related to the huge possibility of losing another loved one again.

"You are brave, dear child. In your own way, you are" Griselda stated, placing her palm on her shoulder, giving one gentle, encouraging squeeze "It takes a lot to keep on living when all you want is to die".

Elia's glossy eyes widened as she turned to her, alarmed by such confession but also deeply moved for trusting her with something this personal.

"Yes. I've been to that dark place myself. It's not something anyone could forget" Griselda unfolded, exhaling tiredly but letting her see she no longer felt that way "People around you will keep saying things like, it'll be okay, you'll get through this, so you keep moving forward without the certainty of that ever happening, until at some point it does" she smiled with sadness and let out a huge breath "But to get there you need to be patient and above all, have the courage to face every day without losing faith in yourself, which I know you've tried because it's what your family would have wanted. That's your way to honor their memory".

The healer placed her own warm and soft hand over hers before a grateful smile showed up, professing an immense admiration and love for her.

"Never considered it that way" Elia muttered "Although I'd like to add that it has a lot to do with the people around you, those who light up the way out that darkness".

There was no need to say more, comprehending what she meant by that; having found love in the arms of a man that made her happy, regardless their secrecy, had been quite significant. But she knew her friend was also including her when referring to those she held most dear.

"Just so you know, and even though I never had the chance to meet her, I strongly believe your sister admired many things about you too, Elia. Like your selflessness, for example" she turned towards the avenue and so did her, yet she could feel her hand holding hers tightly "She knew you loved her and your family more than anything in this world, that you would have gladly swapped places with her because you wanted so much more for her life, as I did for my Rolf. And let me tell ya, not many are capable of loving like that".

"What would I do without you, my dear Gris?" her protégé asked, slightly turning her head to smile at her with that usual warmth and sincerity of hers, yet something seemed to bother her still, or that's what she gathered when she looked away, nibbling on her bottom lip.

She's debating whether to open up or not, to tell you her secret! the voice inside her head affirmed, but that only reinforced her theory that there had to be a reason to keep it from everyone. And it was why she decided to spare her from the distress; the day to engage in conversation about this would come, but it wasn't today.

"I'd have strongly recommended her to better go for the dung instead of smelly socks" the nurse went completely poker-faced when saying this, as if she'd been discussing a patient's condition, so her friend got lost "Running out of sock ain't wise these days, child" they momentarily stared at each other and started chuckling, 'til that gradually turned into a fit of laughter.

Too bad their joy faded away the instant both noticed the crowds getting noisier and crazier than ever.

"They must be close" the healer muttered, gazing at the people everywhere, following their buoyant faces as they all suddenly turned towards the intersection from where they should be coming.

Griselda obviously did the same, though in the process she caught sight a couple of youngsters pick pocketing on the distracted population, too busy chatting, some even singing, while the cheering increased within each second. They all were so excited she couldn't bring herself to check on her protégé, who'd gone so still and quiet, and with good reason; a bundle of nerves would have been an understatement had she been in her stead.

"Do you think they made it?" the question caught her off guard; the Survey Corps wasn't a topic they regularly exchange views on for obvious reasons.

Actually, the one time they really did, she remembered how completely biased by them Elia was; every word that had left her lips that evening at her old place and in the company of her friend, the very nice redhead who tragically perished a month later, was not enough to pay the respect and devotion she felt.

"Sorry, Gris. You don't have to answer that" the girl quickly added, a bit embarrassed.

"I may not profess an undying loyalty to them but I'm also not that petty to turn a blind eye on what they do. Like now that I'm inclined to accept, they apparently saved our necks… again" the lady uttered, grabbing her hand, and squeezing it gently "So, yes. I think they did, and their achievements is one big deal to be grateful for" she wasn't staring at her directly, yet she could perfectly feel the healer's eyes on her, interested and flabbergasted "That means my son's death wasn't in vain".

Peeping on her out of the corner of her eye, Griselda's own heart rejoiced to seeing Elia's mouth curving into a soft smile, one that showed nothing but her gratitude and empathy. However, once again, the expression vanished way too soon now that the moment of truth was here, as the crowds' frenetic behavior announced it; it was clearly deduced when they started shouting things like "Here they come!" or "Look, over there!", but the climax of all was hearing everyone roaring in unison the second she spotted them at last, noting her friend's hand squeezing tighter.

About six blocks south, Garrison officers had just turned from the southeast; twelve tough-looking men and women headed the march, riding in lines of three and fully geared yet not wearing the usual dark-green hooded cloak, unlike the smaller party following behind, one that also included a wagon with three people on it. Nearly thirty-two feet past them came a third group of officers, indisputably Commander Nile's forces; easy to recognize when the finest horses were always theirs.

Where's the rest of troops? the woman wondered, blinking several times before squinting as she tried to see better and past them, believing the other soldiers somehow got delayed but no one else came behind the Brigade. No one.

It can't be! Griselda exclaimed to herself, stupefied at the realization that the smallest group were the only survivors of the Scouting Legion. One, two, three... dear God, nine! she finished counting them. Well, nine if the one laying on the wagon was alive; it was impossible to tell from that distance.

Still refusing to acknowledge this was actually happening, she concentrated having a better look of their faces now that the militia would soon pass outside the hospital, not entirely wanting to confirm anything, specially the two things she already feared when she noticed it wasn't precisely Commander Erwin the one leading his people but another person she acquainted; half her face was covered in bandages yet that messy ponytail was unmistakably Mrs. Hange Zoe's. A pleasing discovery because the brunette was a nice, lively person, an antithesis to the one that followed behind and she didn't like one bit, loathing him even more now that she came to the conclusion that the kid from the orphanage had died along with the others.

Waste no time holding grudges today, woman. Just forget he exists and move on. Hating him won't make things better... And you're looking for someone still.

To her utter sadness, the blond was nowhere to be seen, for these were only children; boys and girls that had not even come of age yet. She'd held out hope of the one being transported on the wagon could be him but that turned out to be a young brunette girl, unconscious and apparently not severely injured, or they'd have stopped there but nobody attempted to do such thing, so she figured her colleagues would be tending her and other injured ones at HQ, a couple blocks away. Just as I did when I met Erwin Smith…

Her jaw fell open and eyes opened wide when a pair of grey, sad ones crossed her mind.

My goodness, how could you forget!? her inner self cried, and she automatically turned and saw the girl standing frozen still, too shocked. She was just as taken aback, and it probably was the reason why she couldn't perceive any sound or movement coming from her side, not even when Elia had let go of her hand.

Fearing startling her, the woman quickly averted her gaze; she wasn't supposed to know anything so the least she wanted was to make Elia uncomfortable, especially having her standing right next to her but the commotion in her indicated the opposite.

Breathing in deep, she gave a quick glance to her friend, Griselda noticed her clenching her fists so hard that her hands turned white. She wanted to hold them, say something but now wasn't a good time; she needed a couple seconds to sink this in.

Her eyes were fixed upon these soldiers, following their movements meticulously as they passed by the building, all while hundreds of people enthusiastically never ceased cheering for them, calling them heroes, which she never would have considered possible before.

By the time the whole company got away from there, she dared to look back at her, noting every line of her face seemed to be taut, her lower lip trembled and the tears shimmering in those gray eyes that had not yet fallen showed how huge the jolt was, so much that she couldn't respond.

"Elia…" she called, but the only reaction in return was a tightened jaw and eyelids closing, allowing the tears to finally run down her cheeks.

She knew she was trying to refrain herself from crying louder but it wasn't the best choice, not when her body was getting shaky and she seemed to be close to having a mental breakdown, clearly resisting to believe this. And the worst part was knowing there was nothing she could say or do to make any of this better, just as she experienced years ago, when she lost her beloved son; nothing would ease the pain or fill that kind of void in her heart. Not in a long while.

Come on! What are you waiting for?! the voice in her head shouted, demanding to console her somehow.

Giving one step closer despite Elia emitted not a single word or made a sound thus far, the lady embraced her shaking body in her arms and automatically sensed the girl's forehead leaning on her right shoulder before the first sob escaped her lips, along with the immense sorrow she was going through. As foreseen, the following were no better.

"I'm... sorry... I'm so... sorry" she mumbled almost unintelligible, letting go of words that had been caught in her throat, as bitter as the tears that kept coming while her friend buried her face in her neck, holding herself to the back of her apron, clutching onto the fabric with both sadness and desperation "Is just...so much… so much death".

"Shh, girl. It'll be alright" Griselda promised, hugging her tightly "It'll be fine, dear" she insisted, doing her best to control her own memories, her own grief.

She knew well how pointless such promise was, because there were no words to help when something this bad happened. She'd thought so back then when the news about Rolf reached her and her late husband. How could anyone say that? She even remembered momentarily hating her husband for repeating them over and over when he was just as devastated. Nevertheless, she eventually realized it's a natural response, the only words to say when no silver lining was easy to see. In this case, the fact that they hadn't been wiped out, but such low numbers were almost as bad, not to mention how demoralized they all seemed.

Don't worry, she'll be fine, her inner self assured when she perceived the girl slowly coming back to her normal self, sniveling but calmer after crying her eyes out.

"We better go, dear. I'll take you downstairs" she informed, and as soon as Elia was done sniffling and dabbing at her nose with a hanky, she grabbed her arm to guide her; in this state she could faint or bump into something "It's only a couple minutes before 2 PM" the lady added with much sensitivity; telling her that there was nothing to do or see there anymore was completely unnecessary "Do you mind if we go to the bathroom? I'd like to wash my hands and get some water 'cause I'm very thirsty".

The two mild nods in the healer gave in response were enough to begin ushering her back inside the building, through the top floor corridors. All the while, the nurse couldn't help glancing at her, afraid to imagine what would happen next in the girl's life.

Stop. Elia knew beforehand this could happen. She's no delusional fool that simply decided to fall for a soldier, much less one whose chances to perish were higher than anyone else's… her head pointed out as they walked in there, and her protégé headed straight to one of the three empty cubicles, hopefully to urinate and not throw up what little she ate this afternoon.

Notwithstanding the fear of her friend fainting or having another emotional outburst, the lady decided to give her space and quiet to think, so she walked towards the sink and bent to drink some water before taking a seat on a stool beside the door, watching over Elia discreetly as she came out to wash her hands and face in silence, looking a tad better. For four minutes she just stood there, with her hands on the sides of the vessel sink, head down and eyes closed before facing the mirror on the wall in front of her, as if she'd been talking to herself, reason why she once again averted her gaze, pretending to look for something in her pockets, until she heard her taking in a deep breath and letting it out very slow. Griselda knew then it was time to stop beating around the bush, for her head had been right about her; she was a grown woman and knew what she was getting into.

"Before you argue, let me remind you that the staff and me are more than aware of your commitment and respect towards your work" treat her with professionalism was key. Pity was definitely among the things she didn't like, so she stared at the young woman's reflection, having her whole attention "Still, I'd rather you take the rest of the evening and go home, dear" as anticipated, she didn't like that either but instead of discontentment, a shadow of doubt and frustration was all she glanced.

"Gris, I really appreciate your concern but I'd like to stay until the shift is over" the healer's gaze focused now in her left hand, not really seeing anything but she could tell she was weighing things, probably trying to figure out what to do "It's only four hours left" she then looked back at her through the glass, determined yet those gray eyes showed her need to make her understand "Keeping myself 100% engaged in what I'm good at is the best I can do now" she might have not been crying anymore but the tone sounded like a plea.

"Is it wise though?" Griselda replied, shaking her head no with deliberation "I'd normally trust you completely with the patients, but you worry me too. And dealing with them when you're this upset..." she couldn't bring herself to explain her reasons without risking letting the girl know she knew everything "Go fetch your things and go home. I'll bring you some soup later".

For a brief moment, Elia's eyes widened, and she could have sworn there had been vulnerability in them, so similar to the one she saw the morning she was sent to check up on her sister's state of deterioration. Although it was soon replaced by despondency.

Don't you think sending her home this soon might backfire? She clearly had a routine she'd gotten used to, one that involved her man, the same who'll never return… her inner voice came up with after seeing her so lost, unsure, fearful even.

"I..." Elia turned, folding her hands in front of herself and bowed her head, avoiding eye contact "Gris, I…"

"Worry not, dear girl. It's your very right to keep your life as private as you see fit. That doesn't offend me" Griselda assured, smiling with sincerity "Your distress on another hand is a different matter, one I cannot ignore".

The healer sighed; a bit more relaxed after hearing that. She then nodded twice before facing her and offer one weak but honest smile, yet the pain never left those eyes.

"You're one true, good friend, my dear Gris. I only... I'm afraid I can't speak about it, but I really hope there comes a day when I'll be able to" that was no lie, for she could tell Elia wanted to say more but couldn't "So do not worry about me. As soon as I get home, I'll make some soup and go straight to bed, but… please, don't send me there just yet".

Her words clearly promised that she'd talk about the man eventually, once she felt ready and after mourning him. Reason why she'd patiently wait to hear her story with the Commander.

"Alright, alright. I won't but you'll have to give me a hand with the interns" the nurse offered with no need to reinforce she was in no condition to treat patients on her own, which Elia perfectly understood, or that at least was the impression she got from the half smile she gave away "Can't believe they'll graduate when they're scared of fixing a dislocated bone. Oh, and don't get me started on their suturing skills" she complained, mostly to lighten the mood.

"Count me in" the healer accepted and quickly turned to redo her braid before getting back to work, grateful for the chance she was granting her.

"It'd be most helpful you sharing a couple tips with them, about the things I do dislike, such as tardiness and fooling around" she suggested, hinting how scatterbrained these newbies were "Also, tell them to ask whatever they ignore or don't understand, 'cause they tend to do it hours later, when we're working on something else" she added, happy to see she had her full attention and that would keep her from the gloomy thoughts for a couple hours.

"Give them a little break, Gris. You went easy on me when I got here, remember?" Elia remarked, having now just cleaned her glasses and putting them on "Besides, no offense but you're one of the intimidating mentors here, and I daresay that raised eyebrow you're currently looking at me with, doesn't help" with a snort of amusement, she got up from the chair and commenced smoothing her clothes out.

"Pff, you're very mistaken, dear" the lady responded, chin up and placing her hands on her hips "Just so you know, I didn't go easy on you. Not once. Things went without difficulty because you barely needed my guidance to do the job, and that's a whole other thing" Griselda pointed out, objectively "And I'd understand if they actually were too timid. That's normal; most people are on their first experience but that's not the case with them" she affirmed, and then rolled her eyes in exasperation when she noticed Elia still doubted her "Okay, to be fair, one of them is; the girl barely has personality of her own, and I guess it's why she keeps falling under this other girl's influence and silly behavior, seeking acceptance".

"It happens sometimes, though I hardly think it'll last forever" the healer assured but looked at her with curiosity when she sneered, incredulous.

"Who knows. Guess they won't end up directly killing someone but neglecting the patients is just as bad. We may suffer serious consequences if they refuse to put their mind and hearts in this" she said but in view of Elia's confusion at such accusation, it was better to explain "The other day for example, when the Scouts left for Shiganshina. You remember I was also in charge that day, right" her friend nodded in response "Well, you surely also remember how busy that shift was, and yet both girls approached me shortly after lunch, asking my permission to leave three hours earlier, which I had no qualms with, but it was odd for both to ask the same when they're not even related. It made no sense, so I asked why, and you won't believe what they dared to say!"

"Is it that bad?" her protégé asked reluctantly, unable to imagine what could it be.

"Shopping. They intended on getting new dresses to go bid their future husbands farewell, since they had no certainty of seeing them again" the older woman replied, forgetting Elia's situation for a second and immediately regretting it, but when she saw her acting just as normal, she comprehended it was ok.

"Oh, but that's not entirely that awful, Gris" her friend said with relief though concluding how unnecessary the purchase part was; just explaining they wanted to say goodbye was more than enough. But then she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head to the left in, thoughtfulness "I'm just shocked they're already engaged when they look so young".

"That's the thing, my dear. They're not. Neither of them".

"Huh? You just lost me" Elia shrugged in utter confusion "Were they lying then?"

"On the contrary. It's was the truth but when they mentioned these future husbands-to-be, they meant soldiers they had a crush on" the disgruntled lady explained, squinting her eyes at her friend when she saw her pressing her lips together, trying not to laugh "Funny as it sounds, it got only worse when they started listing their names in case things didn't work with one or the other… which is ridiculous but I just couldn't believe my ears".

"Oh, Gris…" the healer chuckled as she pictured the whole scene, and indeed, the audacity had been too great; saying things like that to their senior and also being that careless about the people needing them here... No wonder why Griselda considered it a big deal.

The older woman had been so caught up in the anecdote, happy to see she was succeeding on cheering her friend up, that she didn't take the time to reflect on her following words, completely forgetting Elia had a sympathy towards these soldiers with no exceptions.

"Indeed. And to my absolute bewilderment, even the infamous Captain Levi was on that list" Griselda said somewhat derisively "Can you believe it?!" she exclaimed and chortled but her protégé didn't join. Instead, she saw her lowering her head a little with a pensive expression; not at all mad but not amused either "I'm sorry, dear. I forgot you do not share my aversion to the man. It's just hearing that silly girl believing in the possibility of marrying him, a man that didn't care about bringing an untrained lad to a war zone, condemning him..."

That visibly surprised her, but the woman soon recovered yet the sting of guilt, pain and hesitation had been easy to see in those eyes.

Had she really forgotten about the orphan boy? Griselda wondered, and then recalled Elia's own loss today, so it wasn't that strange if she actually did.

"The girl has no idea about that. And maybe she admires him enough to consider him husband-material" Elia's words and manners were, as usual, the politest but something told her she was cutting her off.

Mmm I sense there's more to it… after all, her younger sister respected the man like crazy, almost worshiped him, so she may have had feelings for him, who knew. Elia never had spoken about that, so it could be why she didn't want to mock the situation or speak ill of him.

"Guess you gotta a point there".

"Concerning the kid, the wisest thing would be to wait until seeing the confirmed list of deceased on mission, tomorrow" she'd thought her protégé had purposely changed the subject but the conviction in her features told her to trust her, that she knew something.

Of course, she does! knowing the young woman, it wasn't so far-fetched to imagine her talking to the blond, persuading his cranky friend to spare the kid; she was now convinced that was why Elia advised her not to jump into conclusions.

On another hand, and regardless this despicable subject wasn't in her list of favorite people, Griselda could never be that unfair to overlook the things he did and responsibilities over his shoulders; carrying a huge burden due to his inhuman abilities couldn't be easy, even less when losing a good friend. If the kid was alright, then she was capable of momentarily forgetting her antipathy towards him. For a while.

"True" the lady granted, hoping not seeing his name there, but what if he actually was? What would she do "Just don't get mad at me if it happens to be there, okay?"

As soon as she said that, Elia nodded once in acceptance, grateful to see she'd drop this, and unconsciously sort of confirming her theory, giving her some peace, which, of course, didn't mean her aversion to that man would go away.

"Shall I go ahead and prepare the room while you go get the interns?" her friend offered as she headed to the door, grabbing the knob, and waiting for her response.

"You truly feel better?" the lady asked, less worried but still a bit hesitant.

"I do" the healer smiled reassuringly, nodding enthusiastically "I can't thank you enough for being here for me. I only hope I may be able to make it up to you someday, somehow" Elia opened the door but then suddenly turned and walked towards her all of a sudden, throwing herself at her to give her one tight, big hug "I love you, Gris".

Her bafflement at her actions got her opening her eyes wide before clearing her throat, trying to collect herself when the healer let go of her and headed outside, avoiding her gaze and not giving her enough time to speak.

She's sure was fighting back the tears, Griselda thought with grief. Because, despite her strong nature, self-assurance and professional attitude, her friend was one of the most selfless, caring, and sensitive people she'd ever met, and she deserved better.

Will she be alright? the lady wondered worriedly, but then recalled everything she'd already went through since they met. Elia's day by day struggle to move forward, how stubbornly she wouldn't make do by merely existing. What she did instead had been giving herself purpose, to keep learning and help others; that's what had kept her standing, the idea of honoring her loved ones by not giving up. Just like her, so, she had the answer right there.


Having just finished drying her hair, the woman hung the towel on the nearest chair and kept walking towards the window in her small living-dining room to stand by it and observed the rest of the city through the white, clean curtains, the dozen lights coming from other homes as nighttime fell upon everyone. Unable to restraint herself, she closed her eyes and sighed tiredly, reliving that haunting afternoon in her head.

The sound of the bells announcing their arrival, the way the whole town rushed through the district to welcome them, far more enthusiastically than the day of their departure, like never before. The expectation, amazement and disbelief in the hundreds of faces, the folks waiting while others discussed plans for the supposedly reclaimed territory, even bets on who were coming back, where he'd been the favorite without a doubt. And though see this happening was a true relief, she could still not get rid of the physical pain in the pit of her stomach and the nervousness now that the moment was so close.

The number of citizens kept rising and so did the cheering and chants around, growing louder within each minute, until everyone started applauding full of vim and vigor and, all of a sudden, one collective roar, born out of the purest euphoria and resembling an explosion, eclipsed every other sound when they were, at last, spotted.

It can't be! At first, she hadn't been entirely sure if that was actually the expected party but the fact that they were flanked by the other two military forces inside the Walls pretty much said so.

Elia's eyes looked around, unable to understand why no one else noticed this; the general exultation refrained them from acknowledging their best military forces had been practically decimated, leaving her speechless and with a sharp pain in her chest.

Acting on their own, her eyes searched among the very few soldiers wearing the dark green cloaks, scared but determined to confirm if that face she had feared never seeing again was indeed there, which was the case, for the instant Elia located him, her pupils flared and felt her eyes getting itchy.

Even when it'd been a relief to see him alive and apparently unharmed, it did not fully stop the tightness in her at this grim reality, their feelings after having survived most of their comrades. That'd take a toll on anyone, yet she knew how bad for him specifically was, reinforcing that horrible belief of being cursed. And how could she prove him wrong when barely nine made it back? Nine of the two hundred that left that morning… to just imagine what might have happened was bad enough, an outcome that brought back the anguish experienced long ago, when she'd decided to help collecting bodies, or more like the remains of them, inside her home District, the day that changed her life forever.

Elia took her hand to her chest when her mind pictured Shiganshina District looking like the streets of Trost back then, full of new corpses, most likely dismembered, which these nine had witnessed, doubting they had any chance to give them proper burial, yet no one seemed to care.

Bear in mind these people have no idea they went to war instead of just go killing regular titans and the only two enemies they knew about… her inner voice reminded, helping her understand their behavior, their tremendous euphoria to hear these soldiers won the territory back, seeing nothing but a huge triumph for mankind.

I know, but I'd hardly say they're in the mood for this, the healer answered, glad to see they at least considered them heroes, an absolutely well-deserved praise, nonetheless, their expressions did show how emotionally wrecked and exhausted they were.

Bringing up the rear of this unbelievably small batch, there were two young soldiers; a redhead boy, probably a recruit she'd never seen before, and whose half-opened mouth indicated his level of skepticism at this sort of welcome. But from one moment to the next his forehead creased and despite it was impossible to tell what he said, it was clear he'd just cursed at the one on the left, a boy whom she had tended to around two months ago, Jean Kirschtein, who seemed too baffled to do anything except keep moving with his gaze fixed upon his comrades. Seeing him in one piece provided a little peace; it was a significant detail considering how much Levi cared for him and his other brats, regardless not ever saying it.

A single wagon moved ahead of those two, carrying three passengers whose identities weren't easy to guess.

Trying to figure if the one laying down was the missing Commander, she dedicated special attention to that person, only to realize it was a dark-haired girl, covered up to her chest with a thick, brown blanket, not dead but surely injured, or perhaps just exhausted.

Or both, she thought, believing she may have lost her hearing since she seemed completely unaffected by the noisy environment.

Elia's gaze darted now to the other two passengers. The blonde boy sitting right next to her, face down and embracing his knees, dejected to the point of giving the impression that he somehow carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. She watched him glancing up at the crowd but go back to the same position, far more anxious and scared than a second before. His lips quivered for a moment, but then he lifted his head to look at the boy with a shaved head that drove the transport, who unlike him only looked wary and a bit concerned, yet he was saying something that managed to calm the other, or that's what she thought when he let out a huge breath at the same time his shoulders slumped, more resigned than relieved.

The following two teenagers riding at slow pace in front of the vehicle were just as young, but unlike the others, these were faces she was indeed familiar with. Delicate features, pale skin and that older appearance compared to the rest thanks to her serious attitude, belonged to a girl who indirectly saved her and many other Trost citizens months ago.

Mikasa… she mused when she caught her peeping out of the corner of her eye to the boy on the right flank with worry.

"Eren…" Elia's voice sank as she studied Doctor Yeager's son, whom she'd not seen in years. He no longer was that lively, obstinate little boy that stuck out his tongue at Ilva for outsmarting him in his own childish games. No. This tense young man whose eyes showed how drifted off from everything and everyone his mind was, seemed so different, like a whole other person, and she couldn't blame him; war was more than enough to change people.

You're all just kids… she could fathom their emotional wounds because they literally lost everything in Shiganshina; not just family but also their home and chance to a normal life to end up fighting like soldiers. Somehow, when she thought of her sister and so many others before this generation, she knew they chose the path, but it wasn't the same for these young ones; despite not being forced into this, it somehow felt as if life itself had taken freedom away from them.

No wonder why he cares so much, the healer thought as she watched the man riding twenty feet ahead of those two, the one everyone called Humanity's Strongest soldier but to her he was so much more. What's in your mind, Levi? she asked, while her hands clutched to the old, porous concrete of the parapet after noting how bad he seemed to be.

By all outward appearances, chest out and staring straight ahead, he wore that inscrutable expression everybody was used to: stern to the point of intimidation, not giving rise to any chance of communication or interaction in spite of the elation around them and the countless people calling on him just to show their support, pride and gratitude. But Elia knew the man under the mask, and she could tell how desperately he wanted to be gone, have a moment of quiet. That's what the rigidness in his posture, clenched jaw and the tension with which he held the reins stated; signs that foretold how bad things went out there. She didn't even need to dive herself into those frank blue eyes, currently fixed upon the Wings of Freedom on the back of the Commander at the front of their group to comprehend he may had been back, but his mind was still in the battlefield with all the fallen ones.

She doesn't seem better… her inner self interjected at the sight of the woman with her face partly covered in bandages.

Notwithstanding the glee of seeing Hange mostly alright, to see her at the head of what was left of the Scouts left her with mixed feelings, because her presence there had been all she needed to confirm Erwin Smith was gone and nothing could ever bring him back. And even though she'd tried her best to help the man she loved to accept the fate of his friend and respect his wishes, she'd done so only to send him off with some peace of mind, but it didn't mean she wouldn't have wanted for him to stay and live.

It mattered not that she'd sparsely known the man, Elia still grieved his death deeply, and to just conceive the magnitude of loss Levi was suffering, hurt her; not only had he been the one to give him true purpose when he tricked him and his friends to join the ranks, no. Erwin Smith became the closest, most trusted friend Levi had allowed himself to have after losing the only family he had as an orphan. Him and Hange were special to him, but just as important as the rest of comrades that clearly perished with him; men and women who'd fought beside him for years, soldiers he trusted and protected whenever the situation allowed him to. He may not have had a close relationship with most, but she knew Levi considered them family nonetheless, just like Ilva had.

I'm so sorry, little one… she said to her in her heart, once again feeling the same ache and hopelessness when she found out her sister's best friends, brothers, gave their lives to try saving her.

After that, everything became blurry. Elia realized she no longer could hold back the tears, getting incredibly mad at herself for being this weak when he was enduring everything on his own, like he always had.

Breathe and calm yourself, sis… Ilva's disciplined voice was so clear that for a moment she thought the girl was there. Gritting her teeth, Elia squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the river she wanted to cry, or she wouldn't stop.

Problem was no matter how she tried, doing so was making her physically ill, for her stomach started feeling queasy. It was then she perceived Griselda's reassuring presence getting closer, embracing her with motherly love, which happened to be the best medicine she could have asked for in a moment like this. Nothing and no one could ever replace her mother, but the fact that her friend understood, respecting her support to this institution despite nor sharing it, truly meant a lot. Even more so when she had the faintest idea about her relationship with a man she could not stand.

Knowing or not, she'd still be here... this time it was her own voice that claimed what she deep down believed.

Overwhelmed by so many emotions at once and no longer in control of the turmoil, the anguish inside her, Elia let out that first cry, feeling giant tears instantly running down her cheeks while her body trembled within every sob escaping her lips.

She either let it all out of her system or would explode, and who better to do this with than her one, dearest friend, whom she'd trust her life to had she been the one in true peril; it was him the one they'd seek to hurt by using her, and she couldn't allow the possibility. It had been the sole reason why she agreed to keep their life a secret: to protect Levi.

Levi... she called his name, so thankful for having Gris and not pouring her sadness out to him, not when he'd just suffered another loss.

The healer let her head down, trying to hide the pain weighing her down, unable to explain her heart ached for the man she loved, how unfair and dark his life had been, losing the people he'd cared about over and over yet he wouldn't mourn, not until the nightmare was over, and it could take a very long while before that happened, if it did and he lived that long. Which brought her back to that day she last spoke to the man's best friend during his medical.

"If there's anyone who'll see the end of all this, it's him" he'd said right after putting his shirt back on, having just told her how glad he was his friend was in good hands, from which she was still recovering "That he'll make it past that day, I'm afraid, I can't guarantee" despite discussing such sensitive topic, the man's tone was serene but also stern "But you'll see him back here in a couple days, Ms. Stoltz. Just, be patient".

Elia did not know what drove him to say such things before leaving but it definitely felt as if he'd wanted to wish them the best before saying goodbye, leaving her perplexed for quite some time afterwards and wondering whether to tell Levi about it or not. Deciding not to as a sign of respect to a man who'd just trusted her about his reasons to go there.

The shock had been so huge that, only hours later, his words led her to believe Gris might have noticed something too, but the fact that she never mentioned a thing or acted oddly said otherwise. Plus, Commander Erwin made more sense given Levi and him had been friends for far longer. And he'd been right, making her immensely happy but at the same time conscience stricken for feeling this way; it was so unjust to the hundreds that would never see their partners again.

Distressed as she was, the healer hadn't even realized she'd been mumbling things while crying, things she wanted to say to him; the joy that got her heart pumping faster and harder, begging her to go to him while her head kept her feet right there despite her only wish was to provide any sort of comfort to his wounded soul, the place where he buried all the pain and rage that most people couldn't see under the impassive, and sometimes sour attitude. But she could; ever since the day he showed up at her old home offering his help, the healer comprehended how selfless he was. So, being unable to simply hug him tight, let him know she was there, that she'd always be here for him, just like her beloved Gris was for her, pierced her heart.

He knows, sis. He really does... once more, her sister's voice was there to console her, telling exactly what she already knew.

After that there wasn't much to remember except her friend guiding her somewhere she hadn't been paying much attention to, or actually been unable to see given how swollen and irritated her eyes were. Thankfully, the lady had taken her to the restrooms on the top floor, where she got to gradually collect herself as she was beginning to get in control of emotions. All while Griselda never left her side, for sure worried about her, checking on her discreetly every now and then.

My dear Gris… Elia said to herself with one long and deep sigh, also remorseful for having to keep this secret from her when the lady deserved so much more. It'd been her support what managed to ease her sadness, that and the trust she could not fully return, not now at least. Nonetheless, she sincerely hoped for the day she could openly speak about Levi with her.

What's stopping you, Captain? she asked in her heart while staring at the moonless sky, dark as her current thoughts given an entire week had passed, and she still had not seen or heard from him whatsoever.

Elia had imagined she wouldn't be seeing him right away. It was logical considering Levi's character and sense of duty; he'd first make sure to fulfill his obligations, and at the same time take care of his people. And whilst she trusted him, it was impossible not to worry but going to HQ was out of question or it'd be suspicious. That's what she'd told herself, knowing it was only partly true; word travels fast in the city, even more so when related to the Heroes of Shiganshina, whom Queen History herself had granted ten days leave after those first three having to answer questions, attend meetings and lots of paperwork, including army letters of condolences.

Things she'd foreseen, but been confirmed by Griselda's colleague, the lady treating their injuries, meaning he could have at least visited once by now… had he really wanted to.

Give him time, sis... The Captain is no asshole who'd just walk away without saying a word, and you know it, Ilva's voice pointed out, helping her remember Levi wasn't like most men, so forcing things wasn't wise.

"Indeed. He's not like that" she muttered as a weak but genuine smile showed up on her face; she'd forgotten how good at cursing the girl was whenever mom and dad weren't around.

Exactly. Besides, Commander Erwin warned you about it, didn't he? the Ilva in her head said, and she could even picture that knowing-all expression of hers, to what she nodded in agreement; Levi was an honorable man, who respected her and maybe this absence and lack of communication had nothing to do with her.

Suddenly, Elia realized, just like she'd felt guilty for her selfish joy at the sight of him safe, he could be going through something alike; after all, nobody yet knew any details on the mission except that they did recover the district. A milestone indeed, but at what cost?

And adjusting is never easy… she'd experienced that firsthand when she found herself all alone at her old home; it somehow felt as if the house had died along with them. Therefore, being inside those empty facilities, especially in the blond man's absence, was enough to depress everyone.

"Goodnight, Captain" the healer whispered to the world outside after checking the clock on the wall, noting it was nearly midnight and she should try having some sleep. Hopefully, Levi's piece of advice would work tonight.

Try with water as hot as possible. It'll help relaxing your muscles… he'd said on one of those early mornings, having just looked after Ilva most of the night.

And so, she spent half an hour in the tub as soon as she finished doing the dishes, enjoying the soothing heat that'd help her rest. She seriously needed it after several nights dreaming of her family dying in different ways, only this time she also saw a raven-haired man dying with them, yet she knew this was all about the uncertainty and anxiety taking a toll on her.

In her pajamas and having just brushed her hair before calling it a night, the woman let out one long sigh and put the object back onto the dresser, next to a candle holder and an old book she'd tried to distract herself with over the past days, and where her glasses lied on top. An inanimate object that automatically reminded her of someone else she'd been worried about but couldn't go to see; she cared for her, but she wasn't sure if she had the right to call herself her friend, not when they haven't talked that much and most of what she knew about her was because of Levi.

Hange… she thought for the fiftieth time, incredibly downhearted. Tough, committed, strong and all didn't mean she was okay, not when she evidently lost an immeasurably valuable bond out there; anyone who had experienced love could have easily told how close she was to Mr. Moblit, whose name had been on the newspaper the following morning to their arrival, seventh below Commander Erwin's.

"I'm so sorry" Elia said to the object, avoiding her reflection in the tiny glass in front, once again feeling ashamed for being luckier than her and every single other people who lost people that meant everything to them. And in the brunette's case, having also to assume such huge legacy when probably feeling shattered on the inside.

Hey, stop that! Ilva's voice returned when everything got blurred thanks to the tears filling her eyes. Crying is useless

That's the same her sister had said when she found her crying in their room after their grandfather's funeral. Ilva had been too young to understand what happened, especially since it was her first time seeing her vulnerable.

Crying is useless. Let's wait until the sun is up to tell dad we need to go tell grandpa to come back, okay? she'd unexpectedly come up with, smiling with confidence, giving her hope despite knowing it wasn't possible, just by being with her. And in this case, he was alive, and maybe needed her sharing some hope as well.

The healer blinked several times before wiping away the tears with the back of her hands and vehemently shook her head, refusing to despair.

"She's right. It solves nothing, Elia" this time she looked up to her own image with determination and then turned around to go get in her bed, where she covered herself with the bedclothes and got comfortable laying on her side, feeling more optimistic; if Levi was enduring this, then so should she.


First things first: sorry for taking this long but responsibilities constantly get in the way, and I sadly cannot change it.

On another hand, I just wanted to thank all my readers but especially those who'd shown me their support in here or other media. Honestly, it means a lot.

Maybe the chapter ain't much, or it's the feeling of going too slow with these events but I guarantee it'll eventually all make sense and you'll see why. Rushing it feels wrong, and Levi wouldn't forgive me. T_T

Namárië