Over summer, I set myself a strict schedule to prepare for my fourth year and my first ever Quidditch season. I'd done all right in all my classes, and well in Astronomy, Charms, and Ancient Runes, but it wasn't enough. I spent hours poring over books on Transfiguration, Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, History of Magic, and Divination. It was frustrating and I burned a lot of holes in my carpet on accident. (Luckily, I was allowed to practice magic since both Jamie and Sola were still documented as living in our house.) Frankly, some days I just didn't want to do it, but something made me get up and go. Whether it was the jealously or insecurity or some deeper form of determination, I wasn't sure, but some force drove me to try to be better.
My mother didn't seem to particularly care, but in her own way, she would encourage me. Mostly, she'd thank me for being so mature and studious. She could trust me to behave myself when she went out with her friends. She'd bake me little cakes every now and then. My father regarded me with a mixture of pride and sorrow. He kept reminding me that intelligence and athletics wasn't everything, but that he was proud of me for my effort nonetheless.
But one thing I hadn't counted on was that in the midst of all this was that somewhere, somehow, I'd forgotten to get in line for puberty. So when I got back to school after summer, I was perhaps a little less behind in my academics and athletics, but I looked exactly the same. Actually, I looked worse. Studying made me crave sweets and Quidditch made me hungry- I'd ate the most this summer than ever before. Obviously, between puberty and eating more, I'd gained weight. Still, I didn't really feel comfortable with myself. I just felt like a normal girl, until I started seeing everyone else back on the King's Cross platform. Standing there, it seemed as though everyone else had somehow and somewhere, found the time to grow up. It wasn't a huge difference, really, but the girls really did fit the definition of "feminine" more with slightly longer lashes, brighter eyes, shapely figures, and the boys really did seem "masculine", finally showing the first signs of height, pleasant husky voices, muscular statures, and peach fuzz.
Lily, in particular, seemed to have grown radiant over the summer. She was the tallest of us girls now and finally grew into her gorgeous red hair. We hugged each other on the platform, but when we parted and I looked into her face, I could see that her eyes were slightly red, she'd been fighting with her sister again, most likely.
"I'm all right," she told me softly, before I could say anything. "It'll pass. I just need a moment."
"Yeah, it will be. We're going back to Hogwarts!" I said, trying to smile at her comfortingly. "It'll be all right."
Little did I know.
As we all shoved our way out of the Great Hall after the Welcoming Feast, I was momentarily stopped by Alexander Wood, who immediately informed me that Quidditch try-outs were the following Thursday.
"You practiced, didn't you?" he asked me.
I smiled at him, trying to ignore the nerves already fluttering in my stomach and replied, "We'll see during try-outs, won't we?"
"Why is this Charms classroom so much farther than I remember?" Lily moaned. "Come on, Marlene, we're going to be late!"
"Lily," Marlene snarled, breathless from the running. "Relax."
"We're nearly there," I encouraged, also out of breath. "Just need to go up these-"
As I leapt up the stairs full speed, I knocked into someone, accidentally shoving them into the wall.
Wham!
Somebody's thin arms grabbed my shoulders reflexively as I slammed them against the wall.
"Sorry!" I said hastily, looking up.
Regulus Black was looking down at me with startled eyes. Though I noticed that he'd grown taller and his dark hair longer, he had thatopen, honest, slightly anxious deer-in-headlights expression again, and I couldn't help but smile slightly.
"Regulus-" I started to greet him but suddenly Yaxley's bored voice interfered. "Hey, Reg. You coming or what?"
Suddenly, Regulus' expression became hard as a stone, his eyes flinty and his jaw tensed. He shoved me away from him was a lot more force than I'd expected and he snarled at me, "Get off of me!"
He straightened his robes stiffly before joining Yaxley and Dolohov and leaving without so much as a second glance.
I couldn't explain it, but somehow, that ten-second event ruined the rest of my day.
It didn't help to see Sirius Black at try-outs, for he and his brother looked so very much alike. I wondered what was happening to Regulus to make him like that. Moreover, I wondered why I cared. After all, I barely knew Regulus. But I just couldn't get that image of him staring at the Gryffindor common room from outside out of my mind. Besides, he seemed so different from Sirius. Well, that's no surprise, I'm nothing like my siblings, either, I thought. But this is a chance to prove myself.
"All right. On your mark, Kingsley! And… go!"
I pushed myself off the ground, elevating quickly on the Quidditch field. I'd learned that the Snitch was far easier to spot from a hawk eye's perspective. Sure enough, ten seconds later- there it was! I threw myself flat against the broom stick and urged myself left, swerving hard. The Snitch immediately took off in the opposite direction and I had to loop to chase it up into the air. I stayed right on its tail and finally, I stretched my hand out, slowly advancing on it. It suddenly dipped down, but I was ready, and it smacked itself into my palm.
"Excellent. Forty-two seconds." Alexander smiled at me and patted me on the back. "You beat the field by nineteen seconds. Welcome to the Gryffindor Quidditch team!"
It was the same team as last year, save for me: Alexander, Hayden, Benjamin, James, Sirius, and Harper. Alexander seemed extremely pleased with our line-up this year.
"We'll need to get you new Quidditch robes. Beaufort's aren't going to fit," Alexander informed me, "Give me your measurements sometime this week."
I grimaced slightly at the thought of measuring myself, but the moment passed and the utter joy of having made the Quidditch team coursed through me again.
Between practice and the elevated amount of homework, I found myself getting progressively less and less sleep as the school year furthered. After a particularly nasty week of Potions exams, Transfiguration practice, and Charms essays, I finally reached sweet, sweet Friday. I struggled through the morning classes and finally headed towards the last class of the week. I tiredly clambered up the winding staircase to History of Magic. Alice tried to take my book bag from me, but I refused to let her be so overly gracious and shook myself awake.
A few minutes later, we all trooped into Professor Binn's classroom. Binns was an extremely old man who never looked up from his lecture notes. His class was usually as predictable as a textbook, but when we entered the classroom today, everyone's eyebrows went up. Instead of the normal stiff-backed desks and chairs, there were sofas set up to face Professor Binns. "Oh, hello," Professor Binns said in his monotonous wheezing voice. "It seems Peeves- er, I mean, someone, has stolen all of the chairs and desks. I couldn't quite remember the spell for conjuring chairs. Settle yourselves in according to the seating chart as best as you can and let us return to the Goblin Wars, if you please."
I had sit between two Slytherins, Amanda Fay and Audrey Zena. Just my luck, I thought. But then again, Audrey was uncomfortably sandwiched between us two girls, and said nothing about it. So I simply kept quiet too.
Class began and Binns' monotonous voice sounded like a pendulum, lulling me to sleep. I truly attempted to focus on the subject, but it was sixth period. Furthermore, it was stuffy as could be inside this room and the professor's voice. My goodness, Binns' could lull a flaming pigeon to sleep with that voice of his. And we were sitting in couches. They were very soft, comfortable, and fluffy.
"Hey!" A shout close to my ear snapped me out of my dreamlike state.
"Mind not drooling all over my shoulder?" someone snarled.
I looked up in a daze and realized I was resting my head on the shoulder of none other than Slytherin Audrey Zena.
"S-sorry," I stuttered out, embarrassed and confused.
"Is there an issue?" Professor Binns asked blearily, not looking up from his notes.
"No, sir," I quickly responded as Audrey glared at me in annoyance.
Without a single word, Binns continued his lecture notes.
My eyes kept sliding shut, but I managed to keep myself upright for the rest of the period. When the bell rang, Audrey quickly rose up and left with the other Slytherins.
I tiredly gathered my things and made to leave, almost exiting the classroom, when suddenly I spotted a book left on the couch I'd just gotten up from.
I went over and picked it up, thinking it was mine, but it wasn't. The name inside the cover clearly said in very elegant script "Audrey Zena".
"Um… Professor", I said, trying to make it sound as though I was a bit more than half-awake. "Professor, someone's left their textbook…"
"Oh, well, just return to that person, then," Professor Binns said easily, and walked out the room before I could say anything else.
I hesitated. I was extremely tempted to leave it there, but then I realized I owed him. I really had fallen asleep on his shoulder and he'd been kind enough not to rat on me or shove my head off of him. And we had homework due Monday. I shrugged, and then carried it along with the rest of my books down to dinner.
I meant to approach him during dinner, but I was frankly too intimidated by the other menacing Slytherins.
"You all right?" Dorcas asked me, sitting down next to me. She'd put her things away before coming down for food whereas I'd just trooped down here straightaway, hoping to give the book back to Audrey.
"Just tired, that's all," I mumbled.
"Well, classes are over for the week. Go and have a good night's sleep before your Quidditch practice tomorrow," she told me, kindly patting my back.
"Quidditch," I moaned and put my head on the desk, too exhausted to want to even think about physical movement.
"Did you hear the news?" Marlene said excitedly as she, Lily, and Alice sat down across from us.
"No, what news?" Dorcas asked immediately.
"It's horrible," Alice said emphatically, her wide eyes fearful and pitying.
Lily answered, "Apparently, the Carrow twins, Slytherins our year, were caught torturing a first year Hufflepuff boy with Dark Magic. Luckily, they didn't know enough to cause any really damage but-"
"But the intent was unmistakably vile and cruel," Marlene finished, shaking her head in disgust. "How do people become like that? It's painful to think about."
"How's the Hufflepuff boy?" I asked, lifting my head up from the table.
Lily frowned when she saw my red eyes. "Madam Pomfrey is looking after him. No serious injuries… He probably looks better than you. You need to sleep, Ray."
"Yeah," I agreed, tiredly drinking iced water in an attempt to wake up. I still had Audrey's book, and he was not going to be happy if I just took it not to give it back to him when we had homework due Monday.
After dinner, then, I thought to myself, I'll have to figure out where the Slytherin common room is. I've never really thought about it. As we ate, I kept my eyes on a few girls from Slytherin table, and watched them leave the Hall towards the right staircase that headed down to the lower levels.
"Alice and I have to return a few books to the library," Lily said as she finished her dinner. "Anyone care to join?"
"Sure," Dorcas responded. "I'll come along."
"I have to head down to the Owlery and send a letter to my mum," Marlene said, getting up from the table.
"I'll catch up to you guys in the common room in a minute", I said. "I just want another quick bite of the apple tart."
They nodded and left. As soon as they did, I made my way to the right staircase I'd seen the girls go towards. I hesitated, I'd never been over here before. I prodded each stair carefully to make sure they weren't trick stairs. When I finally made it up the staircase, I realized I could turn either right or left into the hallway.
I simply trusted my instinct and picked left. Too exhausted to really think too hard, I just meandered and took another staircase down and another turn left. Please don't let me get lost down here… However, I found myself standing in front of a stone door engraved with runes and snakes. What an amazing stroke of luck, I thought. This can only be the doors to the Slytherin common room.
Realizing exactly who was behind these doors made me shiver. I gripped the book closer to my chest. Maybe I shouldn't have come here… What if they come back out again? It'd be so easy for them to hex me.
"What are you doing here?"
I yelped and backtracked several steps, wand out, before I recognized Severus Snape was standing next to me. He didn't even draw his wand, simply stared at me with one eyebrow cocked, as though I wasn't even worth the trouble of defending against.
"Snape," I choked out, my voice trembling with the shock. I really was the most pathetic coward.
Unimpressed, Snape simply repeated, "What are you doing here?"
"Zena," I managed to say. "This is Audrey Zena's book."
I tried to give it to him but he didn't accept it. I explained, "He left it in History of Magic, but we have homework due Monday."
"And that's why you came down here?" Snape asked me scathingly. I nodded.
Snape shook his head and turned to the Slytherin common room and said, "Parseltongue". The door creaked open, leading to some kind of passageway.
"Wait" I called. "Can't you give it to him for me?"
Snape turned to me and replied simply, "No" before entering the common room, leaving me outside.
I bit my lip, unsure of what to do now. I paced back and forth, thinking.
Why won't Snape just take the book? It's not like I asked him to lie for me or anything. Well, should I just leave it here? I suppose it's better than waiting around to get hexed.
I started to lay the book down on the ground when Audrey himself came out.
He'd obviously just showered, his hair was still wet.
"Zena," I said in relief, and held out his book.
"Why the hell are you here?" he spat at me, not taking the book.
"You left your book in History of Magic and we have homework…"
"I don't know how desperate that little Gryffindor mind of yours is, but I don't cling on to every assignment to get a good grade in a class," Audrey retorted, still not taking the book.
Merlin, just take the book!
Frustrated beyond belief, I simply dropped the book onto the ground in front of him. "Here, I did my job," I said curtly. "And look, I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. I promise nothing like that will ever happen again-"
"Better not," he cut me off.
I ignored his rude retort and simply turned around and left back to the Gryffindor dorm.
Merlin, they're so annoying, I thought to myself as I entered. Luckily, the girls were still out so I simply washed and then slipped under the covers of my bed. I fell asleep so quickly that I didn't even notice when they walked in five minutes later.
After morning Quidditch practice, the rest of Saturday consisted of me doing absolutely nothing. It was afternoon, and the sun's rays were just beginning to streak through the wets window in a blossom of orange light. I lay on the couch in the corner with my robe over my head, shielding the light from my eyes. Dorcas and Lily were studiously doing homework and Alice was writing a letter to her grandmother. Marlene, I suspect, was spending time with some fifth year Hufflepuff boy.
"Is she asleep?" someone asked quietly.
"You should sit on her and find out," Dorcas replied.
I pushed my robe away and glared at Dorcas as best as I could despite squinting in the sun.
"Ray." It was Alexander Wood.
"Oh," I said, sitting upright. "Hey, Wood."
"Practice tomorrow at five? I thought we did well today and I'd like to keep it up. You nearly got that last feint, you know."
"Is it hopeless to pretend that I heard you say 'five in the afternoon'?" I asked.
Alexander laughed and said, "We're going to win the cup this year, I tell you. But not without some good hard work. See you at the pitch."
When he had left, Lily looked up from her work and said sternly, "You should get started on your homework, so you have a full night's sleep."
"Nope," I said, shoving my robe back over my eyes. "I'm sleeping right now and regretting it tomorrow."
"And the rest of the week," Dorcas muttered.
Smiling, I turned over on my side and fell asleep in moments.
