I kept my distance from the Gryffindor boys the next morning and even felt slightly detached with Lily, Dorcas, Marlene, and Alice. When Dorcas got the Bird-Conjuring Charm perfectly right on the first try, I felt discouraged and when Lily received top marks in Potions again, I congratulated her but hurriedly made an excuse to use the restroom afterwards.
At evening Quidditch practice later that week, Harper came to us with fresh news. Professor Kettleburn had actually witnessed Daniel Yaxley using Dark Magic on Mary MacDonald in the Ravenclaw corridor. Luckily, Emmeline Vance and Amelia Bones had exited the Ravenclaw common room in time to deflect the worst of the curses, but Mary had still experienced a small percentage of the effects. Yaxley was immediately suspended from school and faced a trial the following week.
Unconsciously, my eyes found Sirius and James. We could have stopped this, if we'd just reported Nott. And on the other end, Mary MacDonald gets her justice and because of you, what do I get? Nothing. James shifted and looked away, uncomfortable. Sirius didn't even notice my stare.
"All right, listen up! Hufflepuff's a pretty decent team. They may not have a star player but as a team, they're very in-sync. So everybody get in a circle and we'll do some teamwork skills, passing and all that," Alexander ordered.
This is not the best day for that, I thought, refusing to look Sirius Black in the face as he passed it to me impassively. I caught it, barely, with the end of my fingertips before passing it to James, whom I also refused to look at. We did this until it was too dark to see, trying passing maneuvers that took up the whole field.
Alexander blew the whistle and excused us, but stopped me, James, and Sirius before we could leave the field.
"Listen, I don't know what's going on with you three and to be frank, I can't afford to care. Everything we've done is on the line tomorrow. I need you guys to play your best, to forget whatever's going on between you guys for tomorrow. Think about how hard we've worked, and how close we are to making it all pay off. We have to be a team. Please?"
James' and my stony faces melted away when he pled.
"Of course, Captain," I said firmly. "We're going to win tomorrow."
James nodded willingly besides me.
Only Sirius remained quiet and still.
"Got it?" Alexander said sternly to Sirius. Sirius nodded stiffly.
"All right. Get some rest. I'll see you at the pitch tomorrow," Alexander said and turned away to pack up the Quidditch equipment by himself.
We split and headed to our separate locker rooms but just before I entered the girls' locker rooms, I heard James say, "No, Sirius, leave it-"
I turned to see Sirius push past James and come up to me. I stayed where I was and crossed my arms. My heart was beating fast, half because I knew I was going to get yelled at and the other half because I didn't want to hear criticism from him, but I tried my best to ignore these thoughts and braced myself.
"Why the hell did you butt in anyways?!" Sirius shouted as he reached me. "No one asked you to get involved! You did that yourself and now you're blaming us- and Remus, who already feels like shit every day of his life for stuff he didn't do- for your own stupidity! And now you're causing problems for the Quidditch team! Grow up!"
My eyebrows almost disappeared into my hairline and that was saying something, as I didn't have a fringe. But really, of all the things, he was blaming me for this?
"You think I'm mad because I got cursed?" I said, my voice low.
"Yeah, I know you are! And you're blaming us for it!" Sirius said, his voice louder than normal, as if to compensate for my overly quiet voice.
"You're a complete idiot," I replied, my voice still tightly controlled.
"And you're just a weak girl who's naive and pathetic," he said angrily, before turning on his heel and leaving. His words hit home, and hit home hard. I hadn't realized my hands were balled in fists. I pried my nails out of my palms and after taking a few deep breaths, I managed to walk into the locker rooms and get changed though I shoved a sock on my hand a couple times before it finally found my foot.
The day was bright and clear and we'd kicked off about thirty minutes ago. The cool morning air rushed past me as I zoomed through the air. We had been in a monotonous tie for the longest time at sixty-sixty.
Just now, Gryffindor had the Quaffle. James dove in-between Hufflepuff Chasers Owen Finch-Fletchley and Jane Macmillan and zoomed alongside the stands, making his way down the pitch towards the Hufflepuff goal post. He made to pass to Harper, but Hufflepuff Chaser George Bones tried to intercept and accidentally slammed into him, and Harper fumbled the ball. Sirius deviated from his original post at the goals to race for the Quaffle. I noticed Hufflepuff Beater Sam Chang start to bat a Bludger towards him. I pushed myself towards Sam, who instinctively recoiled. I feinted at the last possible second- zipping by him so close my knee grazed him. It was enough time for Sirius to weave his way through two Hufflepuff Chasers and pass to Harper without being intercepted.
I looked back into the sky, scouting for the Snitch. I couldn't catch it yet but if Jesse Jordan, the Hufflepuff Seeker, who was a strong athlete with a sharp eye, got to it first, the Cup would be lost even if we won.
I increased my height, still searching, though I could see that Benjamin had hit an amazing Bludger that knocked George right off his broom. Needless to say, he dropped the Quaffle, which James snatched and threw through the far left goal without hesitation. Hayden also stayed right on the Hufflepuff Chasers, causing them to scatter formation a few times, and finally, Gryffindor had pulled ahead fifty points- enough for me to be able to catch the Snitch.
Where? Where was the Snitch? It had never been this hard to spot it. An entire hour had passed where neither Jesse nor I had spotted it. I began to feel anxious. I forced myself to stay calm and to think. Where would it be most difficult to see the Snitch? Then, it hit me. Of course! I looked up, almost directly into the sun- and though it could be mistaken for a small part of the sun's light- that golden flash was unmistakable. I zoomed upwards- reaching for it.
"Jesse!" Hestia Jones, the Hufflepuff Captain and Keeper, saw me bolt and cried out. Instantly, Jesse was on my tail. He was a great flyer, coming equal to me very fast through sheer speed. In fact, he nearly had me beat until he tried to swerve in front of me. Instinct kicked in, and I reflexively dropped a foot down and accelerated, and then I sweeped the Snitch out from under his nose.
And the Quidditch Cup was ours.
Ours.
"They've done it! Gryffindor's Seeker catches the Snitch! It's over!" the new commentator (standing in for Mary) yelled, but his voice was barely audible over the screams and roars of the crowd.
McGonagall, who was sitting beside the commentator, was applauding whole-heartedly, and I heard a brief second of her delighted voice over the microphone before the chaos of winning truly descended.
Shouting and cheering, Hayden and Harper raced off their brooms and tackled Alexander off his own broom, engulfing him in an embrace that was so forceful it could be mistaken for a full-out tackle. Laughing, I reveled in the moment as I touched down, still holding the Snitch. James, Sirius, and Benjamin were slapping each other on the backs as hard as they possibly could. Then, Alexander raced over to me. "Captain!" I said. Alexander lifted me up and swung me around in the air, singing terribly off-key but oh-so-happily. When he finally let me down, I slung an arm around Alexander's shoulder, trying to congratulate him over the screaming. "We did it for you!" I yelled. He couldn't really hear me, but he knew anyways. He ruffled my hair and hugged me back and I could read his lips as he told me over and over again, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
We were escorted to the common room by the rest of the Gryffindor house, where the party promptly begun. The party was terribly loud as I tried to write a letter to my brother. It resulted in terrible misspellings and I finally gave up and decided to write it tomorrow morning. It didn't really matter. I was going to see him a couple weeks regardless. Marlene pulled me to my feet and we half-ran and half-danced around the common room until we tripped over ourselves and fell onto the couch, laughing.
The next morning, in the aftermath of the celebration, the five of us girls were out under the beech tree, lazily pseudo-studying for exams, but really just laying around and talking to each other. I threw the last of my toast into the Lake. There was the slightest wave, a bubble, and then a tentacle curiously poked the bread before it happily took it under the surface of the water.
Suddenly, Lily got up, looking half-confused and half-frightened.
"Lily, what?" Alice asked, startled. "What is it?"
Lily pointed towards the road leading to the front doors of Hogwarts. We all peered out under the tree to see an unbelievable sight.
"How is that possible?" I hissed. "Wasn't he caught red-handed by Kettleburn for using Dark Magic on Mary?"
Daniel Yaxley was walking up to Hogwarts with his Slytherin friends, laughing as though nothing had ever happened, as though there was no such thing as consequences or punishment for him, as if he was above that all.
"I suspect gold exchanged hands," Dorcas commented wisely.
Suddenly, I saw a tall figure with short dirty blonde hair make her way to Yaxley and the others furiously. I got up and started towards them as well. My heart beat furiously even at the anticipation of a fight, but I still made my way over.
"What do you think you're doing here!?" It was Emmeline, her wand in her hand, which was spitting sparks.
Yaxley fixed his gaze on her and with a slight smirk replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Why shouldn't I be here at Hogwarts? I should have just as many rights as you, half-blood."
"You know my blood status, but I bet you don't even know my name," Emmeline said scathingly.
"Well, see, a blood status tells you if a person's name is worth knowing," Yaxley explained, with the air of explaining to a child that one plus one equals two.
My blood boiled. I wanted so badly to be brave at that moment. I wished I could be like my siblings and have the guts to say something, anything. But my feet were frozen, my heart was pounding, and all I could do was stand there like a mannequin. I felt the wave of self-hatred rise from inside me. Jamie would have said the right thing. Sola would have done the right thing. It's just me. I just can't seem to do the right thing. Where is my willpower? Where is my strength?
Yaxley shoved Emmeline out of the way before continuing to Hogwarts. Lily and Alice immediately stepped forward to catch Emmeline. As I did, I saw Regulus walking behind Yaxley. I looked at him, shocked. Is he really one of them? Like Yaxley and Mulciber and Nott? But then his eyes met mine and widened slightly in alarm and I knew he wasn't. He had changed. His smile had grown cruel, and I'd seen him jinxing younger students, but he was still that first year who stood in front of the Gryffindor common room, wondering what it was that made his brother throw him and his family's ideals away like a piece of trash.
"I'm fine," Emmeline was saying in response to Lily and Alice's inquiries. "Really, thanks."
"Will Mary be all right?" Alice asked.
Emmeline sighed. "I don't know. I think it would affect anyone poorly to know their attacker got off scot-free and is walking around again. But she's going to have to find out sooner or later, I suppose."
"I missed her," I said. "I missed her voice for the Quidditch commentary."
Emmeline frowned and replied somberly, "I think she lost her voice and her confidence. I don't know what kind of Dark Magic Yaxley used on her, but it's really shaken her. And I can't promise that she'll get herself back anytime soon."
"I can't believe Yaxley got out," Marlene said. "Where's the justice in this?"
"It doesn't exist," I said, thinking of Sirius' words. 'Hasn't it ever occurred to you that maybe, even in the tops ranks- no, especially in the top ranks, people are just as corruptible?' "Maybe it never did."
At dinner that night, I approached the Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter, who were all sitting together, talking quietly. As I approached them, James voice rose, "Yes, but Remus, we've already told you- it's a risk we're all happy to take. We're your friends."
I hesitated but continued to approach them. I wanted answers. I wanted to know how James and Sirius predicted Yaxley's release and what that meant.
Remus' head snapped up. "Raylynx?"
"Could I talk to you four for just a second?" I asked somewhat timidly.
"No," Sirius said brusquely, "we're busy right now. Come back later."
I felt hurt. We'd just won the Quidditch Cup together. Sure, we weren't pals, but didn't that count for something?
"Of course you can," Remus said, getting up to talk to me.
James grabbed his arm. "No, stay! Remus, we're not done talking to you."
"It's fine", I said shortly, cutting off Remus' response. "It wasn't much anyways."
I walked away quickly, feeling silly that I thought I could talk to them, and feeling stupid for caring about what they thought of me anyways.
Exams went by as usual, with lots of stress and little sleep, but too soon, fourth year was nearly over. I visited Professor Maudrick the day before I left, sitting in his office as he packed his things together.
"You seem glum," he commented. "Don't want to go home?"
"No, I do," I said. "I'm looking forward to going home for a while."
"Will you see your family again?" he asked me.
"Yes." I paused before asking cautiously, "What about you, Professor? Where are you going home to?"
He smiled, though it seemed somewhat bitter, and replied, "I live by myself in London."
"By the way," he said, as if to change the subject, "your exam was very impressively answered. I see you did outside reading- Tales of Beedle the Bard?"
"Not that impressive," I countered. "They're children's stories, easier to read than the texts we read in class."
"Which was your favorite story?" he asked.
I pondered for a moment and then decided, "Tale of the Three Brothers."
Professor Maudrick smiled and said, "Yes, that's a good one."
"What's your favorite?"
"The Warlock's Hairy Heart."
"Really?" I asked, surprised. "Most people don't like that one. It's gruesome."
"Beastly," the Professor said agreed but continued in a soft voice. "But it holds a special place in my heart."
He stared out the window for a moment before turning to me and saying quietly, "Have you ever felt that some of the people within this castle are… well, for want of a better word, shady?"
"Shady?" I repeated. "As in Mundungus Fletcher from Ravenclaw shady?"
Professor Maudrick burst out laughing and said, "No, no… Never you mind."
"You know", he said, and reached over to ruffle my hair, "for someone so intelligent, you can be a dimwit. Have a good summer, but you watch your step. It's a dangerous time to be growing up, Raylynx."
Jamie was there to pick me up this time and I ran straight into his arms, forgetting that I was no longer eleven years old.
"Hey," Jamie laughed breathlessly as he caught me.
"I missed you," I said accusingly.
"Well, I've been a bit preoccupied, haven't I?" Jamie commented cheerfully, gently setting me on my feet.
I touched a nasty bruise on his arm. "Seems like it."
"Well, that was a particularly angry Chaser. I mean, professional Quidditch calls for aggressiveness, but that bloke was just vicious. Not a happy chap."
I laughed and shook my head. We piled my things on a trolley and chatting happily, walked out of the train station.
"Right, then. Evanen mobilus." My trunk and belongings disappeared. Jamie had sent them home. "Sorry, didn't bring that crazy contraption of a car today. Take my arm, will you?" he said.
I rolled my eyes. I absolutely hated Apparition and loved broomsticks and motorcycles. But for now, it looked like I had no choice. I took his arm and squeezed my eyes shut. A second later, I felt Jamie began to turn.
Suddenly, a loud shout rang out across the parking lot. My eyes flew open to see three burly men dressed in black throw a woman out onto the street. "Dirty Mudblood!" I thought I heard one of them yell, though the voice was distorted, as we were being sucked into Apparition. Jamie was completing his spin, focused on his image of our home, oblivious to what was going on. Two Muggle men raced out to help the woman, yelling, "hey, hey, hey" and- Swoosh. I shut my eyes tightly and held on for dear life as the unpleasant squeezing sensation took hold of me.
"Raylynx!" My mother rushed to me and enveloped me in her arms for a brief moment before the timer went off and she raced back into the kitchen.
"Sweetheart, how're you?" my father asked me, messing up my hair. I looked up at him, my precious father, an incredibly intelligent, wonderfully gentle, and unconditionally loving man- and a Muggle.
"You all right?" he asked me. Sounds of my brother, sister, and my mother laughing and complimenting the cooking drifted through to the living room where I stood. I heard my mother gush over Sola's promotion to the Wizengamot court.
"Yes," I answered. "I'm just taking it all in. Storing it in my memory. Jamie, Sola, Mom, this place, and you."
My father smiled warmly down at me and asked, "What will you remember about me, I wonder?"
"Um… Well, first off, your intelligence and patience. How you smell of new books and fresh coffee with lots of cream. Oh, and of course, how you laugh too loud and tell the worst jokes." He laughed and hugged me with one arm before saying, "Let's go join the others in the kitchen, yeah?" He walked ahead of me, and I stood for the briefest moment, trying to force the guilt of thinking the word "Muggle" to fade from my mind.
I spent my evenings watching the telly with my parents, curled up with a book, a quilt, chocolates, and tea, or outside with my siblings, playing Quidditch or fake-dueling, which I was absolutely terrible at.
"It's not that you're bad," Sola said, helping me up from the ground after her Blasting Hex had thrown me into the air. "It's just that you're reluctant. You don't trust yourself and you don't like being aggressive."
I sighed and replied, "Well, what do I do? I want to win, but can I win when I don't like hexing someone?" Sola studied me for a moment, but Jamie came up to me, ruffled my hair, and said, "Well, it's all pretend anyways. Come on, that's enough play for today, let's get inside." We made our way back home and I assumed my most comfortable position on the sofa and began to read my book (Study in Iridescent, a Wizarding version of Sherlock Holmes) where I'd last left off. "'Four possible suicides, Watson, four!' Sherlock rubbed his hands together excitedly. 'But why so many? And seemingly unconnected.' Dr. Watson observed. 'Well, the game is to discover the connection, isn't it? Why would a person stage four possible suicides? Enraged lover? Hired hit man, for corporation benefit? A high-ranking official from the Ministry of Magic covering up his dirty deeds? An insane old man, afraid to die, desiring to create Horcruxes? Or a young genius, wanting to get caught?' 'Caught, why would anyone want to get caught, Sherlock?' Dr. Watson asked, boggled. 'Because, John, that's the frailty of genius! It wants the spotlight. It needs an audience!' Sherlock explained…" Night fell and my eyes were beginning to shut… when…
"Jamie Kingsley, don't you dare lie to me. I know everything is not all right!" my sister's voice as barely audible, but I blearily looked up and could see through a half-open door, my brother, his back turned to me. He was obviously pleading with someone, his hands open towards that person, and with my sister's loud hissing, it was not too difficult to deduce who he was talking to.
"Jamie, that vicious bloke on the Quidditch team wasn't vicious because you were an opponent for Quidditch, it's because you're a Muggle-born, and that makes you his opponent for life! Why can't you understand? It's not safe for you to play anymore!"
Jamie pleaded back in a softer, lower voice and I couldn't hear anything… Not sure if I was dreaming or not, I slowly, slowly fell asleep.
Strong, but gentle hands eased the book out of my hands and then lifted me from the couch. A few moments later, I was gently settled in my own bed, tuckd under the warmth of my own covers.
