As it turned out, I was unable to fulfill Marlene's request of "getting Sirius to come over sometime". It didn't matter anyways, as it became quite clear that Sirius Black was together with Ivy Blue from Ravenclaw. They were in the Great Hall right now, a few seats down, holding hands and laughing together.
"So he likes the blonde, leggy type, does he?" Marlene scoffed, haughtily throwing her own brunette hair over her shoulder.
"Has it ever occurred to you, Marlene, that he likes her for some reason other than her physical composition?" Lily asked sarcastically. For how nice she usually was, Lily could be amazingly sarcastic when she chose to be. Alice and I secretly agreed that Lily's sarcasm had developed in leaps and bounds through her years of friendship with the master of dry wit, who was none other than our very own Dorcas Meadowes.
"Then what's the reason? Why does he like her?" Marlene asked, frustrated.
"I don't know, Marlene. Now shut up, we've got a Potions quiz in thirty minutes," Dorcas said.
Marlene pouted. "Listen, Dorky, at least you've got brains. All I've got are my looks. If they're not good enough-"
"Then I suggest you study," Dorcas returned, and turned her back on Marlene.
Marlene looked over at me and implored, "What do you think about Sirius, Ray? What's your relationship with him?"
The question caught me off guard. What do I think about Sirius Black? What are we to each other?
I suppose the average Hogwarts student, if asked about Sirius Black, would say that he was attractive, but a bit of a loose cannon. My perception of Sirius fit into this very generic answer. But to be quite honest, his physical attractiveness calculated less in my mind than other aspects of him. For one, I found his attractiveness to be somewhat dark and imposing. For all his regal aura, he had no grace, no acceptance or patience of his own presence. The few times I had glimpsed his grey eyes, they were unreadable and heavy, as though they held some kind-of dark and dangerous storm within them, even when he was happy. Those eyes always made me shiver. He frightened me. That was the truth of it. I wasn't sure if that darkness had to do with his own unpredictable, but somewhat weighted personality or if it had to do more with his dislike of everything that he had inherited and been groomed to become as a pureblood, which would include his appearance. However much he fit in amongst the Gryffindors, that bold haughtiness was easily identifiable, even to Muggle-borns like me. To counteract that, Sirius himself seemed to cultivate to this image of himself as against order and hierarchy. So, he liked to see himself as the witty school prankster, always carelessly handsome and laughing loudly. To others, it might be an insult to be called an immature and foolishly reckless teenager, but to him, it was a glowing compliment.
But I didn't much care for those parts. They were too public of an image. I didn't believe in it. Instead, there were other parts of him, parts of him he didn't care to flaunt, that seemed to be more mature than many other Hogwarts students. For example, in his own small way, Sirius was fighting a war of prejudice against his own family despite his upbringing. He always stuck up for his fellow Gryffindors in the hallways. He'd stuck up for me once, during the encounter with the Fanged Frisbee, and more than once I'd seen him protecting scrawny little first years from Slytherins. And despite the general mayhem he caused with the endless pranks, the pranks were always humorous and indicated advanced and creative magical abilities. These were the parts of him that I found to be charismatic and attractive.
But I couldn't quite bring myself to trust Sirius because if he felt so loyal to James, Remus, and Peter, and to all Gryffindors, why didn't he reach a hand out to his own brother, Regulus?
As for our relationship, it was, at the very most, strained, and at the very least, non-existent. Since the run-in with the Slytherins down by the kitchens, our relationship had remained frosty. Beyond that, he didn't even really know me except arbitrarily as "the Seeker", "that Gryffindor" or "the less-talented sister of an international Quidditch player and a gorgeous sister". Most likely, he saw me as everything he avoided to be in life: mundane, predictable, and passive.
"It's as you see," I told Marlene. "We're nothing. We're nothing to each other."
"Well, I suppose that's true," Marlene said. "If something was supposed to happen between you two, it would have already. You've had plenty of chances, what with being on the Quidditch team together and all."
Marlene fell quiet and lapsed into her own thoughts then.
I began to gather my books from the table and put them into my bag.
"Ray? We've a few minutes before Potions," Lily said. "If you're not studying, can I talk to you for a bit?"
"'Course," I said, getting up with her.
We turned the corner and walked towards the dungeons.
"What is it?" I asked Lily.
"I wanted to talk to you about someone. I don't mean to be secretive, but the others wouldn't understand or even care to listen. Marlene hates him, Dorcas clearly disapproves of my friendship with him and Alice seems frightened of him."
I looked at Lily, confused.
"It's Severus. I wanted to talk to you about Sev."
This was quite unexpected. Although we girls knew that Lily was still friends with him, it had become an unspoken agreement not to talk about it, for precisely the reasons that Lily had just listed.
I wasn't too sure that I wanted to hear what Lily had to say either, but I tried to erase all that from my mind and focus on being there for Lily. "What about him?" I asked.
She bit her lower lip nervously for a moment before finally saying, "He's not himself anymore, Ray."
"How do you mean?" I said. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "How can he not be himself? Who is he, then?"
"One of them," Lily said ominously. Before I could ask her what she meant by that, Lily hurried on. "I mean, sometimes when I'm with him, he's considerate and caring like before. He's my Sev. But other times, and more frequently now, he slips into these phases about how he's learning 'magic beyond the known' and how he's never going to tolerate disrespect from anyone. I know the words themselves don't seem frightening. Of course, I don't mean to ask him to tolerate disrespect, but there's this undertone of something dark, something not quite right. It's frightening when he's like that, but lately, it's like that's what he lives for. It's as if he thinks I'll be proud of him for it." Lily seemed close to tears. She blinked furiously. "I keep telling myself, he's my best friend, but I know, in my heart of hearts, that my excuses are wearing thin. I simply don't think I know who he is anymore."
So many emotions clambered into my heart, fighting for sovereignty: pity, disgust, fear, and confusion. I swallowed them all down and said, "Lily, there's nothing to be afraid of. No matter what happens, he will always care for you." And deep in my heart, I knew that was true. I knew next to nothing about Severus Snape, but the way his eyes lit up every time I mentioned Lily's name in Potions or that smile he reserved just for her, made me sure that she would always be an important person to him. I didn't know what kind-of sentiment it was, but he felt something for her, and I suspected he always would.
"Have you told him about how you feel?" I asked Lily, who still seemed anxious.
She nodded and said worriedly, "But all he does is make excuses for himself and for his so-called friends. I don't know how much longer I can accept him."
"What did you argue about?" I asked.
"For one, when Yaxley hexed Mary, Sev wasn't willing to see that Yaxley should never be able to come back. We fought for ages about that. But I don't understand. How can he not see? What Yaxley did, and what the other Slytherins want Sev to do is Dark Magic, and it can only lead to dark places- places that I don't want anyone to go, least of all Sev."
"Well, I have to be honest with you here, Lily. I can't accept Sev, either, not if he's defending the likes of Yaxley."
"I know," Lily said, and sighed.
We were quiet for a few moments.
Then, Lily said in a hushed voice, "Ray, have you… have you ever heard of him?"
"Crystal clear, Lily," I replied sarcastically. "I know exactly who you're talking about."
"Voldemort," Lily whispered. "That's what they call him. There have rumors and whispers going around that he is on the move against Muggle-borns and that he and his followers advocate the use of Dark Magic to put Muggle-borns in their so-called 'rightful' place."
"That's ridiculous," I scoffed, though I began to feel deeply uneasy. What Lily said aligned perfectly was the fear I had felt about seeing Rowle. Still, I tried to sound convincing as I said, "The vast majority of the Wizarding World won't go along with this prejudiced nonsense. Last time Grindelwald pulled this stunt, it didn't work out, remember?" Actually, if I remember correctly Grindelwald amassed a huge number of supporters before Dumbledore defeated him. Goodness, I wasn't doing a great job of convincing myself.
"Besides, what does this have to do with Snape?" I asked, trying to revert back to something I could get my head around a little better.
"I think Sev's thinking of joining him," Lily confessed, and the instant she said it, I could tell that this was the thought that had been eating away at her. "Voldemort and his followers. From what I can gather, most of them are pureblood families with children in Slytherin. These followers- they call themselves the Knights of Walpurgis. I used to think it was just a casual name, but now, I'm not so sure what it stands for."
"What else would it stand for, if not just for a group of friends?" I said. "Lily, we're just... we're just students. What can this Voldemort do if he's just relying on students like us?" But even as I said that, the image of Nott cursing me flashed through my head. I shivered. I really am doing a poor job of persuading myself.
"Oh, I don't know!" Lily groaned, distressed. She buried her face in her hands.
"Lily, look," I said, no longer certain what we were speaking of, but wanting to comfort her all the same. "Perhaps Snape is just going through a phase of wanting recognition from his Housemates, and maybe he thinks the only way to do so is by talking big in front of those Knights of Walber-Wal-whatever. But there's no way he's actually going to join some insane wizard's campaign to use Dark Magic on Muggle-borns. I mean, after everything, Lily, he's still friends with you, right? Slytherin-Gryffindor be damned. Actions speak louder than words, or fears."
By this time I was really just spouting off, but in my mind, something fell into place. Severus Snape feels trapped. After all, even in my life, I can sense that I will never be acclaimed for talent if I continue to live among the people I know now- people like my siblings or like Lily. They were born with things I could never achieve and on top of that, they're hard-working and kind-hearted. For someone like me, to be both successful and liked doesn't seem possible. I have to choose, no matter what everyone else thinks of me. For someone like Snape, who stands exactly opposite the likes of people such as James and Sirius, and is reminded of that difference constantly, it must feel incredibly oppressive. Maybe Snape doesn't feel like he has a choice. Maybe he feels so shunned by the "light" side that he thinks the only way to gain the recognition he deserves is through other means. That's a scary thought, because then whatever sense of accomplishment he gets for doing bad things will override any guilt he has.
But that line of thought was discomforting and my main objective here was to comfort Lily.
"Just don't judge him just yet," I finished. Merlin. What am I doing, encouraging Lily to give Snape another chance? Marlene would hex me if she knew.
Lily slowly nodded and she finally seemed a little calmer. "You're right, Ray. It's just that I'm worried. I'm worried about what's happening. To him. To me. To everything."
Do you think we're changing or the world is?
But that question was too frightening to ask, with endless implications more tragic than I could imagine. So I simply said, "Don't worry, Lily. Things will sort out. C'mon, or we'll be late to class."
The announcement for the first Hogsmeade visit, which was to take place in two weeks' time, was posted in all common rooms that afternoon. The poster for the Annual Halloween Masquerade Ball in three weeks' time was posted alongside that. It was a cause of much delight because now that we were fifth years, we were finally allowed to partake in the event.
But before such festivities, the Gryffindor-Slytherin match was looming large- literally, the storm clouds were huge. On the actual day of, we had nothing shot of the worst autumn storm in a decade. There was hail, freezing cold rain, and lightning- the full works. Not many people came to watch that day, though Lily managed to conjure up a strong umbrella and a jar of bright flames to warm her as she, Dorcas, Marlene, and Alice shivered in the stands.
I'd enchanted my goggles to repel water and worn waterproof gloves. But there was nothing I could do about the biting cold. The game hadn't even begun yet and I couldn't feel my fingertips.
The line-up was being read aloud by Ravenclaw Emmeline Vance, "Slytherin teams stands as such:
Captain and Keeper Zambini, a seventh-year. Beaters are Fifth-year Zena and Yaxley. Chasers are sixth-year Avery, newcomer fourth-year Demetri Jugson, and fifth-year Carrow. Seeker is fourth-year Regulus Black."
Gryffindor team stands as such:
Captain and Chaser Bell, a seventh-year. The other two Chasers are fifth-year Potter and newcomer sixth-year Aiden Thomas. Beaters are seventh-year Knight and fifth-year Sirius Black. Keeper is newcomer fourth-year John Prewitt. Seeker is fifth-year Kingsley." Emmeline paused and then her feminist side kicked in, "The only female on the field. I'm rooting for you, girl."
I couldn't hold in a laugh as I saw McGonagall turn to her. The words "unbiased, Emmeline" floated out over the microphone and the howling winds.
"Right, right, and Captains will shake hands before the game commences."
Harper and Zambini were obviously attempting to crush each others' fingers off but Harper merely half-smiled and half-grimaced. I glanced at Regulus. He was staring at his brother with a mixture of anger and regret and Sirius was determinedly looking the other way.
"Mount your brooms!" Madam Hooch said, and then when we were all mounted, she blew the whistle.
We kicked off and that gorgeous soaring feeling flooded my senses despite the freezing air slapping me in the face. But this was Slytherin and I had to be focused and on my guard at all times.
Five minutes into the game and the rain was only coming down harder. It was pouring and the wind was whistling furiously. I couldn't hear Emmeline except in random bursts of noise nor could I see the other players except in flashes of color. I had absolutely no clue what was going on nor could I spot the Snitch anywhere in this weather.
A Bludger came out of nowhere and I barely managed to avoid it but as I dived downwards, I just passed by a flash of gold. I immediately zoomed upwards, forgetting about the Bludger, forgetting about everything but getting that Snitch. A large piece of hail struck my goggle and cracked the left side- there was no time to fling it off- and out of nowhere, Regulus came up from behind me. I made a snatch at the Snitch but missed, the quickly fogging goggles hampering my vision. The Snitch changed directions, zooming downwards and favoring Regulus.
I dropped as quickly as I could but Regulus was already there, his arm stretched out. I came even with him and knocked his hand out of the way. He growled and slammed into me. The breath was knocked out of me. I felt dizzy and light-headed, but I still kept on track. We were nearing the boundary line of the pitch and the Snitch suddenly swerved and zoomed past us both. We pulled our brooms around and dove headlong into the fog and pelting hail, oblivious to all else. We stretched out together, both gaining on the Snitch. But his arm was longer than mine. I gritted my teeth. Reach!
Then I heard him cry out, "Impedimenta!" I was blasted sideways off my broomstick and thrown into the lower half of the spectator stands where I ripped through the decorative fabric and got slammed into the wooden frame. I fell about fifteen feet down to the ground, which I hit unceremoniously with a loud "thud".
I saw a flash of white when I hit the ground. My stomach hurt badly, my head was spinning, a small cut from the goggles digging into my cheek was bleeding, and the concept of breathing was foreign to me. Luckily, I wasn't majorly injured, just terribly winded.
I slowly got to my feet and limped out of the mangled ruin of the spectator stand post and onto the gloomy Quidditch Pitch.
The Slytherins were cheering. I could hear Emmeline now as I was directly next to the speakers. "It's Slytherin that takes the game: 210 to 150." So we had been in the lead.
I saw the other players touch down. I took off my goggles, picked up my broom from the pitch, and without speaking to anyone, began to walk to the locker rooms. Halfway across the pitch, I looked up to see Regulus embracing his teammates joyously. Suddenly, his eyes met mine. For a moment there was fear in his eyes- fear that I would report him, and a flash of something strange, possibly relief, followed by miserable guilt. That guilt in his silver eyes was enough for me. I could be kind to him and report the cheating, but it was clearly kinder not to. Let him suffer. I turned away and quickly walked to the locker rooms, not wanting my team mates to catch up to me.
When I came out of the girls' locker rooms, changed and dry, I found Harper and James waiting for me. Harper turned to me expectantly, "What happened, Ray? We didn't see you after the match or during it, actually."
This was my last chance to do the right thing for my teammates and report Regulus.
"Captain, I'm so sorry I lost the game for us," were the words that left my mouth instead.
Harper sighed in disappointment but he said as kindly as he could manage, "It's all right, Ray. You tried your hardest. And it was completely luck today, what with the weather. And it's not over yet, we've still two games to play."
It wasn't completely luck, I thought to myself. No, Regulus had cheated in the most intentional way.
I bowed my head, unable to meet Harper's eyes. He gently patted me on the shoulder before leaving me. That gentle pat was what set off the guilt. My anger at Regulus made me colder and capable of cruelty. But when Harper forgave me like that, and made sure I would be all right, the shame of losing and the guilt of lying began to take shape in my heart. Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I hurriedly made to walk away from everyone else. James, sensing that something was deeply wrong with me, hurried forward and grabbed my arm.
"Wait, Ray," he said.
My eyes flickered up to his and I wasn't sure what exactly he read in them, but he let me go without any further comment.
The Gryffindor common room, which was bound to be filled with disappointed and sympathetic peers alike, was the last place I wanted to go. So I took shelter under the large beech tree by the Lake.
It's just a Quidditch game. Why am I acting like this?
I sighed and slid down the trunk of the tree until I was sitting on the ground with my head and back resting against the trunk. Raindrops dropped from the leaves, drenching my face. I recalled a fuzzy memory of Sola pleading with Jamie to stop playing Quidditch. "Jamie, that vicious bloke on the Quidditch team wasn't vicious because you were an opponent for Quidditch. It's because you're a Muggle-born, and that makes you his opponent for life! Why can't you understand? It's not safe for you to play anymore!"
I thought about what Nott had said to me: "You would like to believe it was just over a Fanged Frisbee, wouldn't you, Mudblood?"
And then, what Lily had said to me: "I'm worried with what's happening. To him. To me. To everything."
The reason why Regulus Black cursed me… It's not just about Quidditch. It's not just about Fanged Frisbees. It's not even about Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry. Something has been set in motion that cannot be turned back. It frightens me.
A soft bark made me open my eyes and turn my head.
It was the huge dog from the Forbidden Forest, bounding towards me.
I immediately jumped to my feet and reached into my robes to grasp my wand, but I didn't pull it out.
"Please don't hurt me," I said, half-threatening and half-pleading.
To my surprise, the dog moved his head up and down, as if to agree that he wouldn't. Still hesitant, but remembering how this was the dog that had saved me by showing me out of the forest, I slowly loosened my grip on my wand and removed my hand from my robes.
A few seconds passed by where I was thoroughly soaked by the rain as my cowardly jump had taken me out from the shelter of the trees. The dog circled three times before sitting beside the tree trunk in a rather noble posture.
I returned to the tree and crouched down, looking at the dog closely.
"Who are you?" I wondered aloud. The dog's eyes seemed to widen.
"Well, I suppose I mean who do you belong to," I corrected myself. "Sorry, I'm not very good at thinking. Or talking. Or maybe both."
The dog yelped as though laughing.
I couldn't help but half-smile in return, though my low mood was enough to keep me from feeling very good.
I sat back down beside the dog and looked out at the rain dancing madly on the surface of the Great Lake. Everything seemed so far away when one observed nature. In the great changes of the world, what was right now? And yet…
"Something's wrong", I said in a voice barely above a whisper. "It's just Fanged Frisbees and Quidditch now, but what will it be when we're all older?"
My mind asked silently, What will Severus be? What will Regulus be? What will Lily be? What will I be?
I drew my knees to me and sat in silence, staring out at the rain somberly. Besides me, the dog sat with me patiently for a long while before yelping and running off into the Forest. I didn't follow it but instead closed my eyes and tried to rest my thoughts for a while. I had to gather myself before I met the others and the shame of losing the match overwhelmed me for a few minutes before I headed back up to the castle.
Alice threw her arms around me, Marlene took my broom for me, Lily cried out, "Are you all right?", and Dorcas chastened me, "You're frozen!"
"Where were you? You should have come straight back. Wandering about in this weather! No matter how upset you are, you've still got act sanely," Lily said.
"I could never argue with that logic," I admitted to Lily.
"How are you?" Alice asked me. "We started to look for you, but we ran into James Potter, and he said it might be better if you had some time to yourself."
"I did want some time for myself. But I'm really all right now," I said. "Thank you all for coming. It must've been freezing in the stands."
"We cuddled a bit to keep warm," Dorcas admitted with a light smile.
"A bit", Marlene snorted. "You were practically strangling me, Dorky!"
"Will you stop with that terrible nickname?" Dorcas said, throwing her hands in the air. "It makes me want to strangle you!"
Lily watched Dorcas and Marlene with a rather smug expression, as the -ly at the end of her name exempted her from these ugly nicknames Marlene insisted on for the rest of us: Rayly, Dorky and Aly. In truth, it was just meant to annoy Dorcas, but Dorcas would never accept it if she were singled out, so Marlene subjected Alice and me to it too.
"But what happened?" Lily asked me, the smug smile fading away as she turned to me. "We couldn't see a thing the whole time, except the Gryffindor goal post."
"Nothing," I said, slowly shaking my head. "I just lost. Regulus was faster and his arm was longer. He got to the Snitch first."
"But didn't he slam you into the post? I thought I saw you walking out of there," Alice said, concerned.
"Yeah, but that was an accident right after he caught it. He'd already touched it," I said, and the lie spilled naturally from my lips.
"Oh," Marlene said. "So, Gryffindor really did lose. I wouldn't have believed it. We have such a strong team."
"Well, that's all right", Alice said. "Gryffindor barely lost and there's still a lot of Quidditch to be played this season."
I smiled. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up. Now, enough moping! How about some dinner?"
"Maybe after you change", Lily said. Her nose wrinkled a second afterwards and she said, "No offense, but you smell like a wet dog."
I laughed in astonishment. How was she always so correct?
"Speaking of showers and seeing as it's a Saturday night," Dorcas commented as we ate dinner, "how about we check out the prefects' bathroom? Hm, Lily?"
Lily flushed and said, "But it's off-limits to anyone who's not a prefect, Head, or-"
"Quidditch Captain, yes, so we've heard you say. But come on, just once?" Marlene wheedled. "I mean, we can't all be a prefect, oh I meant, as perfect, as you, Lily, so-"
"Oh please, stop with that rubbish," Lily snapped, "I'm not perfect."
In a way, Lily has the worst nickname, I thought to myself.
"All right, so if we've established you're imperfect, how about you continue breaking the rules and let us have a glimpse?" Dorcas pressed. "Just a glimpse, we're not asking to blow anything up. You know, the four of us care as much about your reputation as you do, Lily. You're our only hope of accessing these reserved places. We want to keep that going for as long as you do."
Alice and I laughed at Dorcas' manipulation of logic, but hastily hid our faces behind our soup bowls when Lily glared at us. She sighed and crossed her arms. "We'll be seen," she said curtly.
"Lucky them," Marlene laughed, waggling her eyebrows.
Lily shook her head and said, "Unless someone figures out how to get into Hogsmeade secretly, I won't agree to this. You lot have to put something on the line too, and then, I'll consider it fair."
"Rule-breaking in exchange for rule-breaking, excellent," Dorcas said in agreement and she shoved a breadstick in Marlene's mouth to silence her when Marlene started to complain.
Later that week, when Zayne and I spontaneously combusted yet another glass flask that was supposed to be turning into sand, an irate Professor McGonagall split us up. A shard of glass was sticking out of her hat as she angrily told us off. She then split up James and Sirius who were now using their wands to gleefully build a gigantic sand castle on their desks.
"Will you two stop testing the laws of spontaneous flammability and will you two be kind enough to act your age! Finnigan, work with Black! Potter, with Kingsley! Now!"
Sirius threw Zayne the deepest look of loathing and Zayne glared right back. They pushed their chairs as far away from each other as the desks allowed and both looked as though they would like nothing better than to grab the glass flask and shove it up each other's-
"Wow, they looked incredibly pleased with each other, don't they?" James remarked cheerfully as he occupied Zayne's seat beside me.
"I don't know. I get the faintest sense that they just might not like each other", I replied doubtfully, watching Sirius wave his wand vigorously more towards Zayne than the flask itself.
"Oh, sure they do," James said nonchalantly. "They love each other. Positively spiffing couple."
"Well…" I said nervously, turning my attention back to the dreaded glass flask. "Shall we have a go?"
"If you'd like," James said and then waited for me to go.
"Me first?" I anxiously cleared my throat a couple times before I waved my wand and said firmly, "Speculum arenae!"
The flask disappeared in a flash of green light and then turned into huge hourglass with sand slowly dripping down into the lower half.
"Interesting effect," James commented lightly. He waved his own wand and said confidently, "Speculum arenae!"
A flash of golden light, the glass seemed to shiver for the slightest second... before it collapsed as grains of sand.
James ruffled his hair and leaned his chair back, "Right, then. Done with that spell."
"How did you do that?" I asked, trying to sound casual, but altogether unable to hide the longing in my voice.
"Just wave your wand and say the incantation"," James shrugged.
"Then what the bloody hell have I been doing for the past four and a half years, if not that?" I said peevishly.
James gave an amused laugh at my expression before saying, "It's the way you're waving your wand. You're moving it too extensively. It's just a simple wave."
"Like this?" I asked, waving my wand. James shook his head.
"Okay, like this?" I tried to wave it shorter.
"No, now you're just jabbing madly."
I tried it again.
"Well, closer," James said, but I could tell by his tone I wasn't really close.
"Why don't you try it again?" James motioned to my hourglass. "See if you can dissolve the glass."
"Right." I brandished my wand as best as I could and said, "Speculum arenae!"
A flash of blinding bright yellow light and then-
"What is that?" I squinted at the solid sand block that sat there on the table. It was oddly shaped…
"Looks like a hippogriff's arse if you turn it one way, but then it looks like some kind-of miniature wolf if you turn it like this," James said with interest, picking it up and turning it around.
"Looks like a straight-up fail to me," I said morosely.
"Nah," James said reassuringly, "you're really close, you're just not…"
"Not doing it right, I know," I finished for him, sounding rather bitter.
He paused, studying me for a brief second, and then he said encouragingly, "It's just the wave you've got to get down. Here, pick up your wand."
"I can't do it right now," I told him, discouraged. "I'll just practice later."
"Come on, show a little faith in me, Raylynx. Pick up your wand."
Without much hope, I said, "All right." I picked it up and an irritated Professor McGonagall supplied me with another glass flask.
"Please do me a favour, Kingsley, and make sure the glass, in whatever form, stays inside your area," she said sternly as she placed it on the desk.
"Yes, Professor," I said, blushing. I could feel my confidence draining away and I just felt like an utter idiot. I turned to James with a highly doubtful expression on my face and tried to wave my wand again.
"Well, more like- No, uh, here." He reached over and placed his warm hand over mine, firmly wrapping his fingers around mine. "Now on three, I want you to say the incantation."
"All right."
"One, two, three."
His hand guided mine, finding the perfect balance between too long and too short and this time when I said, "Speculum arenae", there was a flash of soft golden light- the glass shivered, and then crumbled into the sand.
"Oh wow," I whispered, awestruck.
James smiled at me and said, "Easy as that." Almost helplessly, I smiled back.
"That's good," James murmured, almost to himself.
"What's good?" I asked him absent-mindedly, running my hands happily through the sand. I could see how James and Sirius ended up wanting to build sand castles out of this.
"Oh, just, I dunno," James looked away, running a hand through his messy hair, "you seemed pretty upset about that last match, so it's good to see that you're… you know, all right."
"Oh," I said simply, focusing on playing with the sand. Realizing how dismissive I sounded, I tried to elaborate a bit more convincingly. "Yeah, I'm all right. I mean, it's just Quidditch... right?" I meant it to come off as a convincing statement but I couldn't help but to turn it into a question.
Before James could reply, there was a loud sound of contact. We both whipped our head around to see that Zayne had straight-out punched Sirius in the jaw.
"You bastard!" Sirius shouted loudly, holding his face.
"Guess it doesn't take Gryffindor blood to have pride," Zayne said stoutly, then he paused as if to say something more but changing his mind, he sat back down as Professor McGonagall shouted at the top of her lungs at both of them for "Muggle dueling" and "vulgar language" and gave them both detentions and knocked off House Points for Zayne.
But instead of being angry, all the Hufflepuffs were looking rather impressed and secretly pleased. Indeed everyone, even the vast majority of the Gryffindors, was looking impressed to see someone who was not a victim of Sirius Black's many charms and was more than a little secretly pleased to see for the first time, Sirius Black receive a consequence for his constant arrogance.
When we left the classroom, Ivy was waiting for Sirius but when she reached up to kiss him, he turned his head away from her and said shortly, "Don't, I'm hurt."
As I passed them, I heard Ivy speak to him in a low, but furious tone, "It's not even that you're hurt, is it? You never want to kiss me."
The next morning a wildfire spread throughout the castle in the form of female voices whispering to each other joyfully, "Sirius Black broke up with Ivy!" Bizarrely, even though Sirius was only one boy, the general happiness of girls seemed elevated after the news was heard.
And then James Potter cornered me.
…
No, not like that.
"So, uh, I need your help," he said nervously, twisting his hair in his hands.
"Stop that," I swatted his hands. "You're messing up your hair."
Personally, I liked his hair messed up, but that wasn't something I was ever going to let him know.
"How... How do you get a girl's attention?"
"What?" I pretended to laugh, like I was shocked, but I had already been expecting this for a while. He liked Lily, I knew it. I'd known it.
He was looking at me with a mixture of puppy eyes and owl eyes- wide, innocent, pleading.
"Lily. It's Lily. I want to talk to her."
"Then talk to her," I replied straightforwardly, unsure of how I really felt about this myself. But again, as I had put my feelings aside to listen to Lily about Snape, I tried to put aside whatever was going on with me to listen to James talk about Lily.
James still looked anxious.
"Just walk up to her and say 'hey'," I spelled out.
"All-all right," James said nervously, "I can do that."
As Zayne was not feeling well, I was sitting besides Lily in Transfiguration, with Dorcas, Alice, and Marlene behind us when James suddenly slid his chair over to us and tried to be suave in placing his elbow on our desk and resting his head in his hand so that he could gaze into Lily's face.
In his attempt to be suave, he nearly knocked over Lily's water bottle onto her Transfiguration essay, but I slyly caught it for him so that Lily would give the guy a chance. Lily was so often asked out by boys that she was forever looking for excuses to get rid of them.
"Hey," he said breathlessly, looking mesmerized at her beauty.
Lily's green eyes flickered over to him in a mixture of annoyance, amusement, and curiosity.
"Hello," she replied back quietly.
"You have beautiful, um-" He changed his sentence as I flashed him a warning look. Lily hated superficial judgments. She would never date anyone who only saw her as a pretty girl.
"Handwriting. Just-just brilliant." He made up, nodding at her homework.
"Thank you," Lily said, starting to smile at him. This is good, I thought. James is doing well. He just needs to stay casual now. Be humble, James, and you've got a chance.
"Oh, but, it wasn't Taylor Cambridge who discovered the Aguamenti Spell. It was actually Cameron Spade. He was an Irishman."
I groaned internally. Lily hated being corrected more than anything. Sure enough, her eyes narrowed.
"Um, what he means to say is that… although you're right, there is an interesting discussion that hasn't been completely finished debated, which is that maybe he stole it from an Irishman named uh… Shade… Spade," I offered hastily, trying to cover up for James.
"Oh," Lily said, her eyes clearing. She smiled at James and said, "Wow, you really did your research, huh?"
James flashed her a smile and replied, "Yeah. Yeah, uh…"
"Uh…"
I had to refrain from rolling my eyes. Just be modest!
Sirius had come over to watch with curious eyes.
"Look, this is the perfect Aguamenti Spell," James bragged and pulled out his wand.
"James, don't-" I started.
Too late.
He flourished his wand a little too enthusiastically and inside of a soft stream of water, an absolute hose of water sprayed out, hitting Lily right in the face. I held up a book in front of my face and the mustached author of Intermediate Transfiguration got absolutely drenched.
"Oh blimey!" Sirius shouted, backing away immediately.
"Potter!" Lily screamed. "That is not funny!"
"Ms. Evans!" Professor McGonagall reprimanded, shocked. "Lower your voice!"
"What?" James said, startled and embarrassed, a red blush creeping up his cheeks as he shoved his wand away immediately. "I wasn't trying to- Lily- I"
"Evans!" Lily corrected him, "It's Evans to you, okay? And if this is your idea of a joke, it's not the least bit-!"
"No!" James protested, aghast. "It was a mis-"
"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall said severely. "Pray lower your voice as well!"
"Nice bra, Lily. I was always curious to see what Little Miss Perfect wore under those innocent white angel clothes," Sirius chose to comment right then, laughing at Lily's lilac-colored bra through her now-soaked white shirt.
"SIRIUS BLACK!" Lily shrieked. "How dare the two of you-! Perverted-!"
"Lily," I tried to calm her down. "Lily, they're not-!"
Remus and Peter chose to come over then, at the most inopportune moment for that was when McGonagall chose to come over to reprimand us yet again.
"I am finished with warnings! Detention, all of you! Potter, Black, Evans, Kingsley, Lupin, Pettigrew, detention with Filch! Six o'clock tonight!"
Lupin, Peter, and I traded startled looks.
"Professor-"
"No, that's my final word, Kingsley. Detention, all of you. And if you don't behave now, I'll take House Points from Gryffindor."
I groaned and leaned back in my seat.
In the background, Peter timidly squeaked, "Er- what have I got detention for?"
"Lilac," Sirius offered unhelpfully. "You got detention for seeing too much lilac, Pete."
"I haven't seen any-" Peter began.
"Shush, for Merlin's sake," Dorcas hissed.
Lily's eyes were slits as she glared at Sirius, but McGonagall was still watching us, so we had to keep quiet.
I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. Nice, James, I thought. Just bloody brilliant.
"James, I said talk to her!" I said wearily.
"Well, I did! I just… ran out of things to say," James' voice died to a disgruntled mumble.
We entered detention together and upon seeing Lily talking civilly to her fellow prefect Remus, even beaming at him, James soured, not speaking much as Filch explained our task, which was to split up into groups and clean all the portraits along the seventh floor.
Lily and Remus continued talking as they began with a portrait of some curly-haired witch with gap teeth drinking what looked like magnolia wine on the far left. Sirius and Peter paired off with James, staying in the middle. So I lugged a bucket of soapy water and some scrubbing towels and went down the corridor and began to scrub a portrait of a beautiful lady dressed in night sky blue-black robes, wearing some sort of crown. I tried to be as delicate as possible.
Phrases from Sirius and James' conversation wafted my way…
"Well, we've already made the Helium Potion, haven't we? We just need to find a way to slip it in Slytherin drinks…"
"House elves, mate. They'd go for anything once they find out you're from the House of Black. Besides, House Elves aren't really keen on being all that nice to Slytherins. It's just because they're ordered to act nice all the time."
"I suppose you're right. Have you tried the Helium Potion, James? You sure it works?"
"Yeah, Peter and I tried it yesterday. Had ourselves in a very surprised conversation in perfect falsetto for an hour and a half."
Sirius laughed. "Excellent."
"So, Monday morning?" James confirmed.
Another prank on the Slytherins, I realized. I shook my head as I made my way down the line of portraits, ending two hours later with Barnabas trying to teach trolls ballet.
Something about this portrait struck me as… odd.
Why is this portrait so familiar?
I gazed up at it as the trolls blinked at me stupidly. One of them even tried to twirl for me and fell, causing the land in the picture to quake.
"Hey, Kingsley!" Sirius called. "We're leaving!"
"Okay!" I said, and hurriedly grabbed my bucket and started to run down the hallway, sloshing water over the rim.
I sighed and leaned down to wipe up the water, when I noticed a folded piece of parchment on the ground.
I hesitated, picking it up. Is it Sirius'?
I opened the parchment. It was completely empty. I flipped it over and looked at all the edges, but there was no name on it. I shrugged and pocketed it before continuing on my way, lugging the pail of water all the way down the corridor.
