I went down to breakfast for the first time that morning, feeling guilty of how kind Ted and Andromeda had been when I had surely been a burden to me. They had refused to put Silencing Charms on my bedroom even when I pleaded for them to, but instead tired out their nights as they always rushed to me and comforted me every time I had a nightmare. And every day, they would carry meals up to me and gently remind me to take care of myself.

They would sometimes join me for meals in my room and helped me to keep my mind off things by telling me funny stories about Hogwarts, which they had both attended with Jamie. Apparently, there had been a time in sixth year that Jamie had been caught in the corridor after-hours by Mrs. Norris. He had been so flustered about being caught, and without thinking, he'd simply kidnapped the growling ball of fur for a couple days. When he finally released it in a suit of armor with a stupid little bow on top of its head, Filch had been enormously upset but hadn't been able to prove it. I'd laughed for the first time in days.

I wanted to be less of a burden on them, if possible, so I began by coming down to breakfast. I would volunteer to help do the dishes, for a start. Ted had already left for work, but Andromeda joined me with her own pile of toast and bacon and a mug of coffee.

She didn't act as though my coming down was anything unusual, which was how I wanted it to be. Instead, she sat down with me and ate her breakfast. We were silent until I hesitantly asked her something that had bothered me slightly ever since I first saw her at the hospital. "Do you know someone named Bellatrix Black?"

Andromeda smiled wryly before replying, "She's my sister."

So that was the reason behind their physical resemblance.

"Well, was, I suppose," Andromeda continued, her eyes focused on the coffee mug held tightly between her hands. "My family disowned me."

"What?" I said, shocked. "You? But you're lovely."

Andromeda gave a small smile and answered, "Well, marrying Ted, a Muggle-born, this July was really the last straw for my pureblood family. Sirius had to keep Bellatrix from hexing me. His mother punished him severely for that afterwards in front of a lot of people."

"Sirius? Sirius Black?"

"Yes, he's my favorite cousin. Oh, that's right, he must be your year at Hogwarts, isn't he?"

"Yes." So Sirius goes home to every summer to people like Bellatrix Lestrange.

"I grew up with that arrogant prat, you know," Andromeda laughed, reminiscing. "We were very close. It used to be him, me, Regulus, and Narcissa, before she married Malfoy. The four of us were the oddballs of the group while the rest of our families were very intrigued with pureblood elitism. We had to protect each other whenever our parents or cousins cursed us."

"What?" I said, astonished, "your parents cursed you?"

"Oh yeah, loads of times," Andromeda said, waving it off with the piece of toast in her hand. "It didn't take much to set them off, to be honest. Just a remark about how maybe purebloods aren't as great as we make them out to be."

Unable to imagine being cursed by my own parents, I asked, "But why is it worth it for you? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you support Muggle-borns, but if it makes you lose your family's love, is it still worth it personally?"

"There isn't much love when your family is based off the blood hierarchy, to be honest. Everything is about honor, or should I say, appearance. Toujous pur," Andromeda explained. "Our parents were always trying to change us. They never seemed able to love us the way we were. In fact, I'm not sure they ever knew who we really were as people."

"And really," Andromeda continued, "it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me that anything you didn't choose for yourself should determine so much of your opportunities in life. Honestly, I don't think many people really believe in the blood hierarchy, even the purebloods that spout that stuff. It's just an excuse to create a system where they have the political, economic, and social advantage. That's all."

I paused, weighing this information, and then decided to ask another question, "So Regulus used to believe in equality too?"

"Yes, and maybe he still does," Andromeda said, rather hopefully.

"But he's one of the Slytherins now," I said darkly, remembering the conversation we'd had in the corridor.

"Don't be too quick to judge," Andromeda cautioned lightly. "He was very close to me and especially to Sirius. They were practically inseparable. The best of friends and the closest of brothers. Besides, I was a Slytherin too."

"Well, to be honest," I said, "I was thinking that you would have fit easily into the Gryffindor family."

Andromeda laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Speaking of family, Ted and I were talking about having a baby soon. But it's a secret, all right?"

"Oh wow," I said softly. "That's wonderful, Andromeda. You two would make the best parents. I mean it."

"Thanks, Raylynx. We were thinking Nolan for a boy and Nymphadora for a girl. How's that sound?"

"Um, that's lovely", I said, a little less enthusiastically. Nymphadora?

Andromeda grinned, reading the real answer on my face, but then her face became solemn and she reached across the table and took my hand. "I know the Black brothers both seem arrogant and selfish, but don't judge them too quickly, all right? Sirius is… Well, if he wasn't so stupidly happy and proud, he'd be suicidal. He's overly tough and foolishly reckless because that's only way he can keep himself together sometimes."

I could see in Andromeda's eyes a genuine pleading gaze.

"And Regulus… He's always been eager to please, Regulus. Eager to adopt the beliefs of the ones who seem important. And I think Regulus was tired of always being second-best to Sirius, so he was motivated to become first in his parents' eyes. Of course the only way he could was to buy into the pureblood nonsense. But that doesn't make him a bad person at heart, you know."

I knew by the worry and desire leaking into her words that Andromeda was really comforting herself, trying to remind herself that hope was not lost and that she still had her cousins, even if her sisters and parents had abandoned her completely.

So I replied, "Of course," and squeezed her hand gently.


It was the night before I was required to return to Hogwarts. My mother came from St. Mungo's to visit me. She slipped quietly into my bed besides me and embraced me tightly.

"How is everyone?" I asked her, turning to look up at her.

"Better," she replied, her voice hoarse from lack of sleep and constant crying. "Sola will be released in a few days and Jamie's condition is stable." She swallowed hard at the mention of Jamie.

"What about you?" she asked me. "You should be asleep. Did I wake you?"

I shook my head.

"Not sleeping well?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

"You know you're leaving tomorrow for Hogwarts," my mother reminded me gently.

I nodded and responded, "And I'm staying there for winter break, so I can take exams then and not have to take them the minute I get back."

"Yes," my mother agreed. Then she pulled something out of her jeans pocket and said, "I know I've been preoccupied lately. But I wanted to give you something before you went back, especially since you won't be home for your birthday this year." She dropped into my hand a silver necklace with a small charm that was three interlocking circles. "It symbolizes protection," my mother explained.

"Thank you," I murmured and clutched it tightly in my hand.

"Oh, darling," my mother said softly and getting kissed my forehead. "How we got so lucky with our brilliant, hard-working kids, your father and I can't explain."

Yeah, but you've got me, I thought to myself, and unfortunately, I'm the only one of the three still standing.

My mother hugged me close in her arms and said lovingly, "Ray, your father and I love you. Don't ever forget that."

I lay there, appreciating the warmth of being in her arms.

What more do I need? I thought to myself. As long as I'm in the magical world, I'll put my parents at risk. Maybe I should just renounce everything, and live a normal Muggle life with my parents. That would keep them safe, wouldn't it?

My mother softly hummed a lullaby in my ear. My eyes slipped closed.


The next morning I woke quite early and packed all of my things before standing beside the window, looking out at the peaceful street. Observing the sleepy street below, I was reminded of what Riley had told me: It doesn't feel real. And right now, it didn't. None of what had happened in the past week felt real at all. I pulled out my mother's necklace from my pocket and looked at it. It shimmered in the first soft rays of morning sunlight.

The door opened behind me but I didn't turn. "Here, let me put that on for you." Andromeda gently tugged my mother's necklace out of my hand and clipped it on for me.

"All ready to go?" Andromeda asked me, her voice soft. Unable to find my voice, I simply nodded. And so we left. I shut the door behind me.


"Professor McGonagall asked me to tell you that your Career Consultation has been changed to this evening at seven," Lily told me as soon as I'd arrived.

"All right, thanks," I replied, beginning to unpack.

There was a slight pause, then Lily said carefully, "Dorcas, Alice, and I decided to give Sirius Black a chance."

"That's great," I said, shoving my sweaters into the dresser.

Silence followed.

"Listen," Marlene said cautiously, "we saw in the Daily Prophet that Jamie got hurt. How is he?"

"He's alive"," I said shortly. I don't know why I felt so defensive, but the last thing I wanted to do was to talk to these wonderful girls. In fact, what was so wonderful about them was exactly the things that made me clench my fists now.

"Thank Merlin," Lily breathed out. "It didn't say in the Prophet."

"Because we requested privacy," I said and the obvious undertone was that I was requesting privacy right now. Again, I felt guilty about the way I was acting, but I suddenly felt so distant from them and the fact that they were trying to pretend that we currently inhabited the same world made me feel moody.

"I think I'm going to go the Owlery. I've got to send something to my Mum," Alice said quietly, walking out the door.

"Marlene, come on, we've got to go to the library. Your books have been overdue for weeks now," Dorcas said, getting up and ushering Marlene out.

Lily turned to me again, but Dorcas seized her arm and said sternly, "And you've got prefect duties with Lupin, Lily, right now."

Lily gave a little indignant huff, but left the room as well.

"Thanks," I said to Dorcas, who nodded. She laid a warm hand on my shoulder before leaving herself.

Intense guilt slammed into me as soon as I was alone. They had only wanted to help. But also, the thoughts that had been held at bay on the chaotic Knight Bus ride here scrambled in, wreaking havoc in my mind.

My mind was going to burst into pieces if I didn't do something. Shout. Walk. Anything. So I left the dormitory and my feet carried me a known place of refuge- under the beech tree beside the Lake. I would have gone to the Astronomy Tower but that place had been defiled ever since that incident the night of the Masquerade. It was freezing cold by the Lake, but somehow that relaxed me. It slapped me awake and took away some of the fury I felt in my heart.

I rested my back against the trunk of the tree and watched my breath curl up into the air through half-closed eyes. Should I really do it? I wondered. Should I give up my life in the magical world and return to an ordinary, Muggle life? I wouldn't make any positive difference in the magical world. My magical talents are at an average level at best, and I'd only continue to put my family in danger. But by returning to the Muggle world, I could make a difference. I could protect my parents.

"May I join you?"

My eyes fluttered open and I looked beside me to see Remus Lupin a few feet away from me.

"Oh, um…" I began to say, trying to find an acceptable way to refuse him.

"Just a couple minutes, so it looks like I tried," Remus said, smiling at the obvious answer in my tone.

Tried?

"Lily sent you," I guessed, "to try to talk to me."

"Yes," Remus said, sitting by the tree but maintaining a respectful distance from me. "To figure out why you're not all right."

"I am all right," I replied, but my voice sounded as hollow as my breath. Remus gave me a slightly pained smile as if to say, "Please. I know what it's like to lie and I know you're lying now."

Suddenly, a loud bark broke the quiet atmosphere.

We both turned to see the great black dog come bounding up to us, ears flapping, tail wagging. He barreled into Lupin, knocking him over.

"Hey, you'll hurt him!" I yelled, starting to get up.

"It's all right," Remus said, laughing lightly, though his shaggy light brown hair was now all in disarray.

"Down, down…, Remus said breathlessly to the dog.

"This dog always does that," Remus said, sitting upright again.

"What?" I asked, sitting back down myself.

"Barrel over me with no sense of control," Remus replied.

"Any idea whose dog it is?" I asked, studying the dog, who now had his head in Remus' lap and was wagging his tail most happily.

"Probably a long-time stray," Remus shrugged.

"You mean he ran away from abusive owners?"

Almost imperceptibly, the dog seemed to wince.

"Something like that," Remus replied softly and laid a friendly hand on the dog's head.

"They probably named him something horrendous," I mused. "Like Snuffles or something."

"Snuffles," Remus chortled. "That's a good one."

"Why would any dog want to live in the Forbidden Forest?" I wondered aloud.

"No idea," Remus responded in a light voice. Then, in the same slightly interested voice, Remus nodded towards my hands and said, "Your hands are turning blue. You aren't cold?"

"It doesn't bother me," I shrugged.

"Then what does?" Remus asked, his voice taking on a hint of seriousness now.

"The fact that I might be late to my Career Consultation and have McGonagall join the queue of people who want to kill me," I answered, standing up.

"Queue of people?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "And who would she have to wait behind?"

I just shook my head and replied to Remus, "Tell Lily you did your best, all right? Bye, Lupin."

"Good-bye, Raylynx."

I turned to go when suddenly, the dog barked.

I half-turned around and gave a slight wave, and said, "Bye, Snuffles."

As I left, I heard Remus say almost gleefully, "Snuffles, she said, Snuffles." The dog barked and it sounded almost indignant to my ears, but by then I was halfway back to the castles and the wind was distorting the dog's bark.