Originally, I had meant to tell the girls right away that Jamie was in a coma. To confess everything to them because as Marlene had just proved to me, I could trust them with anything. We all had our faults, maybe, mine being the greatest, but we tried our hardest to look past them in one another. But I found it difficult to talk about. It was like when I was ten years old again and I was afraid I wasn't magical- saying it aloud would only make it more real. So, now, if talking about what Jamie's coma, Sola's resignation from the Wizengamot, and my parents' constant fear of anything remotely magical made it feel real, then I couldn't deal with it, even if the girls could.

Still, I meant to tell them. I nearly did, the first night they came back from winter break, but everyone was so busy telling me about their wonderful winter breaks. We'd joked about the frumpy shirt, played chess, and just before we went to bed, Marlene had announced that her parents were pregnant with a baby boy and that they had had such a hard time waiting all the way until winter break to tell her. The words died on my lips. Actually, they didn't even get that far. They died in my mind. How could I introduce death into the conversation when we were celebrating life? And so, the girls believed that my brother had suffered a brief injury and was back to normal, "doing his Quidditch thang," as Marlene liked to put it. Only he wasn't.

But most days, there wasn't time to get lost in sorrow, not when the snow had already melted away and anxiety was presented on the board to us in the form of the O.W.L. schedule.

"Please copy down these times neatly and do not lose them," Professor McGonagall said as we dipped our quills in our ink bottles.

M (12th): Care of Magical Creatures (Practical)

T (13th): Ancient Runes (Theoretical)

W (14th): History of Magic (Theoretical)

T (15th): Arithmancy (Theoretical)

F (16th): Divination (Practical) + Astronomy (Practical)

M (19th): Herbology (Theoretical + Practical)

T (20th): Charms (Theoretical + Practical)

W (21th): Transfiguration (Theoretical + Practical)

T (22th): Potions (Theoretical + Practical)

F (23th): Defense Against the Dark Arts (Theoretical + Practical)

"I expect you all to be thoroughly ready for each of these examinations. There is not a single person in this class who cannot advance to N.E.W.T. Transfiguration," Professor McGonagall said.

Zayne scrawled at the edge of my parchment: I expect that would be encouraging from any other Professor, but it sounds more like a threat from her.

"Mr. Finnigan," Professor McGonagall's voice cut through the air like a knife.

"Y-Yes, Professor?" Zayne swallowed.

"In order to pass your examinations, I suggest you begin practicing by writing on your own paper, am I clear?"

"Yes, Professor," Zayne mumbled, blushing.

"Speaking of," Professor McGonagall went on as I smothered a laugh, "these exams are monitored with the strictest level of scrutiny possible. Anti-Cheating Spells have been performed on every quill and…"


"It can't be done," Marlene moaned, staring at five years' worth of notes in front of her. "It just can't be done."

"Shut it, Marly. It can and it will. Let's begin," Dorcas declared. Well, it sure sounded like Dorcas. I couldn't actually see her as the huge stacks (yes, stacks) of notes prevented us from seeing another on the opposite side of the table.

In the weeks leading up to and during the O.W.L.s, we did nothing but study furiously, skipping Hogsmeade trips and instead poring over five years' worth of notes.

I certainly did not feel ready as I sat my Transfiguration Theoretical Exam in the Great Hall at nine in the morning.

"You may begin," Professor Tofty announced. There was a great rustling sound as all of the students flipped open the examination booklet and began to write. I looked down at the questions before me, praying that they would overlap with the material I had studied.

What are Animagi and what is the process of becoming an Animagus? List the ways this process can fail. Extra points rewarded for referencing Wizarding Law on Animagi.

What is the Essence Guarding Property and how does property determine circumstances of Transfiguration essentials? Extra points rewarded for two real-life examples.

Describe the differences between Healing and Transfiguration in essentials, and give two real-life examples of when these two subjects cross in reality. Extra points rewarded for references to History of Magic and Potions.

I began to write my answers: An Animagus is a witch or wizard who can morph him/herself into a specific animal at will. It is a learned skill that requires an arduous process with a very advanced level of magic, specifically Transfiguration, as transforming oneself into an Animal is labeled under Human Transfiguration, an altogether risky type of magic. It also requires a tricky potion, Potus Mutarim Animalis, which takes three months to brew. The process begins with the complex waving of the wand thrice in side-ways infinite shapes, once in an upwards flourish, two downwards taps on the wrist, and six upwards spirals (at this point white steam should appear from one's wand, forming the animal you are about to become), all while concentrating on the one personality trait that is your strongest and then say the words, "Verto animalis quadis interiorem mentis." You must not falter in either the incantation, wand-waving, concentration of trait, determination to succeed, and you must not err in what you believe your strongest trait is- you must know oneself to be an Animagus. Immediately afterwards, you must take one gobletful of the potion. The performing of the incantation and the drinking of the potion yields a higher percentage of success if done on a half-moon day. Failure in perfection may result in loss of human identity (including memory and recognition), unfinished Human Transfiguration, and painful seizures. The Ministry regulation on Animagus is that they must all be tracked by name, animal, and a specific marking that identifies that particular Animagus. If they are not identified by the Ministry, serious consequences may follow…


I rubbed my eyes tiredly. It was five in the morning when I finally fell asleep on my Defense Against the Dark Arts notes from first year stacked on top of Potions notes from this year and our third-year textbook.

"Ray, c'mon," Alice patted me tiredly half an hour later. "Just a couple more days, c'mon."

Marlene was sleeping, practically drooling, with her elbow propped up and her head in her hand.

Dorcas wearily took her half-eaten bar of fudge and jabbed it into Marlene's shoulder, causing her to fall forward suddenly.

With a shriek, Marlene's face met the table.

"Right, then," Dorcas said nonchalantly, flipping her notes. "Onto Polyjuice Potion..."


And finally, the very last theoretical exam-

DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS

ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL

"And you may begin!"

The first page was filled with ten short-answer questions, the last of them being: Give five signs that identify the werewolf.

A deep shudder ran through my body but I forced myself to concentrate and put my quill to the parchment.

The hours passed, feeling both too fast and too slow, until Professor Flitwick called out, "Five more minutes!"

I hurried to finish the last question and did so a minute before the exam ended. I stretched out my fingers on my right hand, wincing at the tight cramps. "Quills down, please!" Professor Flitwick ordered. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!"

A storm of parchment zoomed into the Professor's outstretched arms, promptly knocking him backwards off his feet. From the front, Zayne Finnigan helped the Professor back on his feet.

"Thank you… thank you," Professor Flitwick said. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

Thank Merlin for that!

Grabbing my O.W.L. paper, I shuffled out of the class, crammed and shoved by everyone moving towards the freedom that came with fresh air outside.

Suddenly, a heard a haughty voice ask playfully, "Did you like question ten, Moony?"

Looking directly in front of me, I saw Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. Apparently, they were all the best of chums again. According to Marlene, this reunion had something to do with Snape ambushing Sirius with some rather nasty hexes in a corridor after hours.

"Loved it," Remus grinned. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."

"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James grinned jokingly.

"Think I did," Remus replied, his tone serious. "One: he's sitting in my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin…"

Peter's voice died away as they walked down the hallway, "I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes…"

I didn't realized I'd completely frozen until several people had bumped into me and scowled at me, "Hey, get out of the way," before stepping around me.

Remus Lupin is a werewolf.

Horror filled my bones and clouded my mind. But then, as the initial wave of shock and fear died down, I realized that this was the answer to all the disconnects. Now, everything made sense. It was the reason why all that time ago, when I had tried to comfort Remus in the hospital, he had looked so weary and aged. It was why he had reacted so distantly when I tried to cheer him up by saying that the flu would be gone soon. It was why he never seemed to get any better. It was why the Whomping Willow had been planted exactly five years ago, corresponding with our year's arrival- to discourage students from entering the Shrieking Shack, to prevent harm to Lupin or to other students. It was why he had looked so miserable that day when Davey Gudgeon had nearly lost his eye to the Whomping Willow and why he'd copied down my homework when the Whomping Willow tore it to bites. It was why I had seen Remus' dot in the Shrieking Shack on the Marauder's Map last night and why I'd found him there come morning, so battered and broken, but not dead.

And the other boys knew, of course. That explained how Sirius had been so sure that Remus was all right last night and why James had been so angry with Sirius about telling Snape. And obviously, if Sirius thought I knew about Remus' condition, he would warn me not to tell anyone. And Sirius thought I knew because I'd shouted to him, "Remus is in there!" And he was. Literally, Remus was in the wolf somewhere. My blood felt frozen, and my skin felt cold as I recalled the pitiful look I'd seen in the monster's yellow eyes that night the stag had barreled him into the ground and the mournful whimper when that huge rock had dropped on him.

And another realization sunk into place: Remus' nickname was Moony. Of course, I thought. How could I have missed such an obvious fact all these years?

"Are you going to stand there forever?"

I turned to see Zayne Finnigan approaching me.

I smiled at him, though the smile was forced.

Misunderstanding my strange grimace, Zayne said, "I'm sure you passed, Ray."

"Thanks," I said. "Congratulations to you, too."

"Yes, all those years of fires finally paid off, I think," Zayne said, and laughed.

Zayne caught me with one arm and hugged me briefly before his Hufflepuff friends caught up and swept him away for celebrations.

But my thoughts instantly reverted back to Remus and the others. If he's Moony, are the other nicknames based on animalistic traits as well? No, I suppose not. I mean, how could humans have animalistic traits? They can't all be werewolves. Suddenly, it clicked. I'd just written about this in my Transfiguration O.W.L., hadn't I?

James, Peter, and Sirius were Animagi! Of course, werewolves are only dangerous to humans, so as animals they could keep Remus company whenever he transformed.

They called James 'Prongs'. Prongs could refer to antlers. So he was the stag, I suppose.

Wormtail…? I hesitated, I only remembered three animals: a stag, a werewolf, and a dog.

Dog?

Well, there's Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, I recited in my head. If Moony's the wolf and Prongs' the stag, then Wormtail is either the dog or some other animal. Wormtail doesn't fit with dog. So, the dog must be Padfoot, which means-

I felt as though a bolt of lightning struck me. Sirius is the dog! The dog that sat with me at the beech tree, the dog that led me out of the forest… the dog that…

My mouth fell open. He'd seen me cry, seen me lose my composure in a way I never did even in front of my clostest friends. But I had never given him permission nor wanted him to see me like that. In fact, Sirius Black was the last person I wanted to see me so vulnerable. And he'd never even told me! He'd never even acted like he'd cared, never spared me the slightest glance when passing me in the hallways. That bastard!

I raced out of the castle, fully prepared to punch him straight in the jaw for all the times he'd deceived me but as soon as I'd raced out towards the sloping grounds of Hogwarts, I realized that there was already conflict going on.

"Leave him ALONE!"

I saw from a distance, Lily, with her hair streaming behind her and her hands on her hips, shouting at James and Sirius. Snape was on the ground, with pink soap bubbles and thick foam streaming from his mouth.

I made my way down towards them quickly and was mere feet away from them when Lily she spoke coldly to James, "You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

My eyes were drawn to Sirius and upon seeing him, as haughty and handsome as ever, I felt myself harden and my lips pressed into a thin line. As usual, he didn't notice, his eyes fixed on James, who was still trying to appeal to Lily.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," James replied swiftly. "Go on… Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

But for the first time in my life, I was determined not to look away from Sirius Black so when his eyes finally met mine, I held his uninterested stare unflinchingly. His eyes flicked away without a second thought, but then slowly… he realized. His eyebrows knitted together for a moment as his fathomless eyes returned to mine. And though I felt embarrassed and plain, I searched his eyes. There was not a bit of guilt or recognition in those eyes.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," Lily shot back.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius murmured, his eyes still meeting mine, but then a sudden movement from Snape broke our stare. We both turned to see Snape lunging.

"OY!" Sirius shouted.

But Snape had already directed his wand at James. A sudden flash of light and then blood appeared on James' face and splattered onto his robes.

Then James pointed his wand right back at Snape and there was another flash of light-

Snape was hanging upside down in the air. His robes fell over his head, revealing skinny, pale legs and a pair of graying underpants.

Everybody laughed but I felt a sickening feeling in my stomach- what must it feel like to be Snape in that moment? It'd feel like the whole world was against you.

"Let him down," I spoke aloud, though my voice was cowardly faint.

"Certainly," James replied and jerked his wand upward. Snape fell unceremoniously to the ground but as soon as he'd gotten up, Sirius hexed him again, "Locomotor mortis!" and Snape went rigid as a board and fell over.

Lily stepped forward and drew her own wand out, yelling angrily, "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James said, pouting a little.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James did so, but sighed deeply and said to Snape, "There you go, you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

I took Lily's arm and started to lead her away, but then I heard Snape yell, "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

My mouth fell open. I don't believe this!

Angrier than I'd ever been before at a Slytherin (with the grand exception of Regulus Black), I turned my wand on Snape, but Lily grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Fine," she said coolly, and it was only because I knew her so well that I could detect the slight tremble in her voice, "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape. But Lily shouted right back at James, "I don't want you to make him apologize. You're as bad as he is!"

"What?" James asked in disbelief, "I'd NEVER call you a- you-know-what!"

Lily sneered and I could see the pain and frustration in her blazing eyes. She released some of that on James as she yelled, "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off you broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

She turned on her heel and stomped away back to the edge of the lake where Dorcas, Marlene, and Alice were.

"Evans!" James shouted, "Hey, EVANS!"

But Lily didn't look back.

As James tried and failed to ask nonchalantly, "What is it with her?" and Sirius replied wittily, "Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate."

I looked back at Snape. His eyes were following Lily and there was a terrible, heavy guilt and grief in them as I'd never seen in anyone's eyes, except perhaps my parents at Sola's bedside. Though I was thoroughly on Lily's side, I felt the tiniest pang of pity for Snape. He had likely not meant to say those words at all, in particular that one word 'Mudblood'. But that, of course did not excuse him for having done so.

"Right, right…"

There was another flash of light and Snape was taken completely off-guard and hoisted into the air again.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

"James," I said seriously, "enough."

When he scowled at me, I quietly implored, "Please."

James angrily waved his wand upwards and Snape fell again. When Snape reached for his wand, I stopped him and said aggressively, "Perhaps you should go."

He looked at me, hatred and anger back in his eyes.

How pitiful you are.

I shook my head at him and whispered, "You're losing her, Snape." He stared at me, dumbfounded but I pushed past him, leaving him be, to join the rest of the girls by the lake.

"Lily," I said softly.

She wouldn't face me though and just stared determinedly at the lake, trying hard to keep the tears from falling.

"Lily," I said quietly, "he didn't mean it."

She ignored me but a tear slipped down her lovely face.


It should have been a happy night. All our examinations were finished and there were just six days left to enjoy Hogwarts before break.

Instead, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice and I were a decidedly grim group. We were sitting at the table to the right of the fireplace and none of us were speaking.

Suddenly, Roxanne Weasley came in and hesitantly came to Lily and said, "Um, there's a boy outside of our common room, wanting to see you."

"I don't care," Lily said, not moving. This was the sixth time someone had came up to her to tell her that Snape was outside.

The seventh time came in the form of Mary MacDonald from Ravenclaw.

"Hey, have you seen Kingsley Shacklebolt around anywhere?" she asked. "We accidently took each other's Potion textbooks."

"He's probably up in the dormitories. I saw him come in about half an hour ago," Marlene replied.

"Thanks. Oh, Lily, Snape's just outside, waiting for you, did you know?"

"She knows," Dorcas replied heavily.

"He says he'll sleep out there if you don't come out," Mary told Lily before she left to look for Kingsley.

Lily still didn't move.

"Lily, you can do what you want- forgive him or not," I said suddenly, "but you can't make him stay out there all night."

"She's right," Dorcas agreed. "That just makes you a cruel person."

Marlene snorted. "He deserves it."

"Of course he does, but just because someone deserves it doesn't mean its right," Dorcas replied.

There was another long silence.

"Lily, please?" Alice asked timidly.

Lily finally groaned before getting to her feet. Marlene looked at her with wide eyes. "Lily, you...you're not-"

"Don't worry, Marlene," Lily said coldly, in a manner most unlike her, "I'm finished with Severus Snape." She then left the common room.

She came back shortly afterwards and marched past us without a word, but we all knew where to look- and sure enough, her lips were trembling slightly.

"Come on," Dorcas said shortly, and we all rose from the table and went up to our dormitory.

Lily was sitting at the edge of her bed, staring straight in front of her but seeing nothing.

We were like silent wraiths, all standing around her without a word.

"I suppose you all knew this was coming," Lily finally spoke, her voice clenched.

"Of course not", Alice whispered miserably.

"I suppose you think he got what he deserved."

No, I thought to myself, but I was too cowardly to say it aloud, for all the other girls were firmly looking away, obviously agreeing with Lily's statement.

"And I suppose you," Lily addressed Marlene directly, "think I got what I deserved."

"And I suppose you're happy to see me like this because it means you were right all along." Lily's words came faster now, almost frantically as her voice rose in pitch.

"Lily, don't be stupid," Marlene said.

"And I suppose you'd be equally as happy if I told you that I'm completely done with Severus and absolutely miserable because of it!" Lily's voice was bordering on hysterical.

"Lily, shut up!", Marlene snapped angrily.

"No, I will not shut up!", Lily screamed, leaping to her feet in fury, "All my life, the people most important to me hate me for things I can't control! Petunia hates me because I was a born a witch! Severus hates me because I was a Muggle-born! And you hate me because I made friends with someone who happened to be a Slytherin! I can't help it! I'm sorry, all right!? I'm sorry!"

Lily burst into tears, falling back onto her bed.

Marlene was there first, wrapping her arms around Lily tightly and murmuring words of love to her. Then I was there, hoping that all my love for Lily could be felt through my hug. Then Alice came closer, stroking Lily's hair while her own tears splashed down her face and Dorcas rubbing Lily's back, trying to calm her and reassure her that we were all there for her.