"Mom! Dad!" I grasped them both tightly in my embraces.
"Raylynx, sweetheart," my mother kissed my cheek while my father squeezed my shoulder with his hand.
"And Sola?" I asked them.
"She's fine. She couldn't come because of work, but she asked me to give you her love," my father replied.
Besides me, Sirius grinned at Andromeda and greeted her. "Hey, oddball."
"Look who's talking, Gryffindor prat," Andromeda smirked back as she hugged him warmly.
"Welcome, everyone! Please, this way," Mrs. Potter gestured, graciously leading us all into the living room where refreshments were waiting.
"Thank you so much for taking care of our daughter," my father said to the Potters as we sat down. "We can't thank you enough."
"Oh, not at all," Mrs. Potter said, waving aside my father's gratitude.
However, something about my mother seemed slightly off. Whenever someone spoke aloud, she would look up quickly and try to smile, but as soon as the moment passed, she would look down miserably and the smile would disappear instantly.
Almost forgetting that we were in a group of people, I instinctively reached over and took her hand.
She looked up at me with a fierce expression I'd never seen her show before. I blinked in surprise.
"Mother, is something wrong?" I asked quietly.
Suddenly, I experienced the strangest feeling. I couldn't even tell you whether it was a mental or physical sensation.
I was sitting in the front-most stands of the Quidditch pitch as my father, mother, and sister happily waved their little Luxembourg flags and cheered on Jamie, who flew like an eagle through air, gliding effortlessly in his search for the Snitch.
The announcer shouted, "Luxembourg is in the lead- and watch, ladies and gentlemen, the Luxembourg Seeker has seen the Snitch! Merlin, look at him go!"
And there was Jamie, speeding up through the air, tracing the Snitch. My parents watched proudly, cheering madly, and it should have been a happy moment as everyone drew their breath in exhilaration, but something felt off. As my brother reached out for the Snitch, a wisp of fear curled in my stomach.
I turned towards the opposite stands, and it felt like everything was in slow motion. A man, cloaked in all black and wearing some sort-of silver mask, stood up in the middle of the stands and pointed his wand directly at Jamie's hurtling figure.
A jet of white-hot light blasted from his wand and flew through the air.
"No!" Sola screamed loudly, "Protego!" but it was far, far too late. Jamie was blasted by the spell. It caught him straight on his right side and his robes combusted into flames. He fell off his broom immediately, dropped fifty feet, and slammed into the ground.
He didn't move.
Then the cloaked man shouted, "Morsmorde!"
Something huge and emerald green erupted from the end of his wand and flew high into the clear blue sky. The green jet of light exploded among the clouds and formed into a huge skull with a great, slithering snake protruding from its mouth.
A single moment of unbelieving, uncomprehending-
"JAMIE!"
"DOUSE THE FLAMES! GET THE FIRE OUT FIRST!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT IS THE SKY!?"
"STOP THE ATTACKER, STOP HIM!"
"THE BOY, THE BOY!"
"AGUAMENTI!"
"IT'S A SERPENT AND A SKULL! THAT'S THE MARK OF DARK ARTS!"
"SOMEBODY ALERT THE MINISTRY!"
"GIRL, GET BACK HERE! HE'LL KILL YOU!"
"SOLA, PLEASE! PLEASE COME BACK!"
"SOMEBODY GET THE GOD DAMN MINISTRY!"
"Tea, Raylynx, dear?" Mrs. Potter's voice crashed into my thoughts, but couldn't pull me out of the images in my mind.
My father screamed, wrenching and desperate, "THAT'S MY SON! GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
"Um, y-yeah, sure."
"No, Jamie, no," my mother murmured, tears streaking down the painted Luxembourg flag on her face. "No, wake up, darling, please! PLEASE!" The most painful feeling of helplessness spread through me until it became a vivid physical pain.
"Here you are, Raylynx."
But he wouldn't wake- a mercy that, if he awoke right now, with his flesh seared open, his skin blasted away from all of his right arm, bleeding profusely- he probably would have believed he'd gone straight to hell.
"Hey, watch it!" somebody shouted.
Crash!
The cup smashed onto the ground and splattered its contents all over Sirius.
"Sorry!" I said immediately, jolting awake again, "Sorry, I-"
"Raylynx!" my mother chided.
Unable to look into her eyes again, I grabbed a napkin and quickly turned away from her, eyes downcast. I clumsily started to wipe the tea off of Sirius' arm.
"Don't bother," Sirius muttered, irritated, but then he noticed that my hand which gripped the napkin was trembling, almost imperceptibly but also uncontrollably.
I snatched away my hand immediately but he had already noticed, his eyes were now narrowing slightly in confusion.
"You all right?" James asked Sirius.
"Yeah, mate, it's tea. Tea isn't going to hurt me. I probably just smell better, if anything."
"Mrs. Potter," I said, trying to regain my composure and organize the complete mess of thoughts tangled in my head, "I'm so sorry, your cup-"
"Not to worry," Mrs. Potter said kindly.
Andromeda leaned over and pointed the wand at the broken cup on the floor, "Here- Reparo." The shards of the cup flew back together and Andromeda laid it gently on the table.
"Thanks, Andy," I murmured.
"Andy?" Sirius repeated, his eyebrow raised. "You know my cousin?"
"We've met," I replied shortly, unwilling to go into details.
Between determinedly avoiding his eyes and my mom's eyes, I was running out of places to look. Looking at my father was no consolation, as his eyebrows rose and he said, "You haven't told the boys about Jamie?"
Embarrassment and frustration rose in me like hot steam. Why was my father saying this here, in front of everyone, in front of James and Sirius?
"Padfoot, here," James said, handing him a napkin.
Suddenly, in the midst of my confusing and overwhelming mix of thoughts from having seen my mother's memory of what happened to Jamie and from being scolded by my father in front of everyone, yet another thought entered the mix.
When James said, "Padfoot," I suddenly remembered that Sirius was the furry black dog. I'd forgotten all about how angry I was about it because right after I'd figured it out, Lily and Severus had fallen out. Then, the next time I saw Sirius was a couple nights ago, when he was bleeding all over the place. So, I'd forgotten, but James' remark made it all come flooding back. Sirius was Padfoot, and he'd never told me that he was the dog that saved my life in the Forbidden Forest or had sat with me when I'd cried underneath the beech tree by the lake, and he'd never even acted like he cared. That was the bit that stung the most- the fact that he had seen me at my most vulnerable, and then not even acknowledged me afterwards.
I was having a hard time keeping myself together. I still didn't understand what had happened between me and my mother and I was angry at my father for calling me out in front of everyone, and I was angry at Sirius for never telling me he was Padfoot, or Snuffles, as I'd called him.
I tried to keep still and silent, not wanting to say something until the sudden chaos of thoughts and emotions within me had calmed down.
But when I didn't respond, my father said softly, "Raylynx, you can't shut out everyone forever."
"I'm not," I replied curtly and then, before I could stop myself, I muttered angrily under my breath. "Besides, Padfoot already knows."
Sirius jaw dropped, but Mrs. Potter was already working hard to cover up the awkwardness of the moment.
"Oh, um, Mrs. Kingsley, your daughter tells me that you are an avid photographer? I find it fascinating that Muggle photographs stay still. Do tell me…"
Sirius was absolutely furious, that much was clear. It was also obvious that he was waiting to question me. Therefore, as soon as our guests left, I immediately broke for James' bedroom (James and I swapped bedrooms for the time being, with James sleeping on the engorgio'd couch in what had been my bedroom and Sirius sleeping on my bed) and hid under the covers, wincing at my foolishness. Merlin, where had that stupidity come from? Now he's going to be pissed, as if he wasn't intimidating enough.
However, after half an hour had past, the coast was clear, so I went and brushed my teeth before sneaking back in and laying down to sleep.
But sleep would not come. Every time I shut my eyes, those terrifyingly vivid images of Jamie being cursed and falling entered my mind. My eyes snapped open. What did I see today? Did I look into my mother's memories? Is such a thing possible?
I turned onto my side and looked at James' desk, just beside his bed. It was littered with crumpled pieces of parchment, sweets wrappers, and a stack of Wizarding comics with moving pictures. I reached out and touched with the tips of my fingers a sort-of magical snow globe that had a flame flickering in the glass ball. What looked like flurries of snow spiraled up from the bottom of the globe and rose up to the top of the globe, where it was 'melted' by the flame and ran down the sides of the globe in rivulets of crystal-clear water, then formed into snow again at the bottom before the process started again.
I then lifted a piece of parchment from the desk and settled back in bed. It was filled with scribbles, some circled, and most crossed out. A list in cramped handwriting at the bottom was circled, clearly distinguished from the mess of other writing. I looked down at it and then my jaw dropped in absolute awe. This was obviously the potion for the Animagus transformation, but to figure it all out and actually do it successfully… exactly how intelligent were these boys?
Cauldron to Level 5 Setting.
Begin with a base of dragon's blood.
Add Bindweed (Type: Convolvus Minor) until dragon's blood turns clear. Then stir five six times counterclockwise.
Add Lacewing Flies. (Note: In moderation. Lacewing Flies tend to give you indigestion.) Do not stir. Leave to stew for three days.
Side Potion #1: Mix Powdered Red Daisy with Polyjuice Potion in another beaker until the Polyjuice Potion turns a dark grey light silver.
Add S.P. #1 and stir clockwise three times. Heighten the cauldron to Level 7 setting before adding a handful of alpine cudweed.
Stir twenty times clockwise, three time counterclockwise, and let simmer on Level 3 setting for thirty-two minutes and forty-six seconds.
Side Potion #2: Mix Everlasting Elixir in a separate cauldron on Level 2 Setting with sliced ginger roots, wax myrtle, and hepatica liquid. Stir twelve times counterclockwise, and apply the spell of "at usque in sempiternum a sanguine venae voluntatis". Let simmer for four days.
Add S.P. #2. Let simmer for thirty-six seconds. Simultaneously, set cauldron to Level 7 and add a handful of crushed oak leaves.
Stir counterclockwise one and a half times. Then add in this order three consecutive times: two drops of hellebore, powdered bicorn horn, and knotgrass. The potion should now be a teal color.
Let stew for one month on Level 4.
Add crushed white heather and powdered moonstone until the potion turns crimson. Then stir four times and repeat thrice, "Animalia Mutaris."
Finally, add six petals of epigaea and let simmer for one hour exactly.
Note: *You must drink the potion within two hours of completion.
Note: Bring a bit of chocolate for Moony to gnaw on as he watches us terrified.
Note: If end up in the hospital, apologize to Mom and Dad.
Note: If any of us have a tail, remember to secretly buy an embarrassingly frilly pink ribbon to tie onto the end.
I smiled at the thought of Prongs and Padfoot with pink ribbons tied to their tails, especially Prongs', since he just had a fluffy dot on his arse.
My hand slipped under my pillow, and my eyelids began to slide shut.
I had just barely fallen into a peaceful sleep when someone pushed me from the edge of the bed.
"Move over," said a groggy voice.
I rolled over and muttered sleepily, "James?"
"Yeah," he said and pushed me again.
"Why're you here?" I groaned into my pillow.
"Sirius snores," James said drowsily, fighting me for the covers which I had adamantly tucked under my arm.
"Uhhh… I'm tired, go away," I muttered.
"Shut up, this is my bed, and give me some of the bloody covers!" James gave a ferocious pull and fearing that they would rip, I let go. I didn't look, but it sounded like James had tumbled off the bed completely.
With a growl, he got back on and threw the covers over us both, "Now, don't move, stupid."
There was a pause.
"How's your hand?"
"What?" I murmured.
"Your hand… that I hurt."
"Oh, that," I said, my voice muffled by my pillow. "Fine. All fine."
"And how's… your brother? Jamie?"
"Sleeping, I suppose," I answered, suddenly feeling awake as my heart thumped uncomfortably against my chest.
"So he's all right, then?"
"We don't know when he's going to wake up." The words seemed to stick in my throat. "And it's been a while now. The Quidditch match was several weeks ago. Somebody cursed him and he fell from hundreds of feet up. I don't know if…if he'll pull through." My hand curled in a tight fist on my pillow as I remembered the strange encounter I'd had with my mother earlier today. Again, I wondered, was that really what happened or did I just imagine it? How could I have imagined it? I've never seen that skull-and-serpent Mark before. But then how could I seen my mother's memories?
"He'll wake up," James promised me. I couldn't see him as I was facing opposite of him but the earnestness in his voice was undeniable.
"You don't know that," I said quietly, voicing my worst fear.
"No, I don't," he agreed in a similarly soft voice, "But he will."
There was another long silence in which his words slowly seeped into my heart, warming me, and soon, the drowsiness preceding sleep entered both our heads again. Just before I flew asleep, a cold draft flowed into the room, passing over us. I shivered and tried to pull the covers up over my head but found them immovably anchored by James Potter.
"Ugh, go sleep with your boyfriend," I muttered crankily, pulling at the covers impatiently.
"Shuddup," James retorted groggily, half-asleep again. "I tried to Silencio the bloody idiot and he farted."
I snorted.
"All right, no, fine, he didn't," James muttered, almost incoherently, "but he still snores. And this is my bed, anyways. I hate sleeping anywhere els-"
"James," I said suddenly.
"What?"
"Shut up," and I yanked the covers up (to which he yelped when they smacked him in the face), snuggled under them, and fell fast asleep.
When I woke up that morning, I found James Potter sitting up on the other side of the bed, flipping through a book.
I immediately shut my eyes and pretended to sleepily bury myself under the covers, but James had already noticed that I was awake.
"Morrrrrning, Ray."
I didn't respond.
"Something wrong?"
Other than the fact that its morning and I'm sure I look like a creature from a swamp, so I'm too embarrassed to show my face to you?
"I know you're not sleeping," he said impatiently.
"I am," I responded stupidly.
"Right, cause sleeping people retort to what you say. C'mon, what's wrong with you?"
"I…I don't like sunlight!" I blurted out.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
I tried to think quickly, but my morning brain was having none of it.
"What, are you a vampire?" James teased and I could hear the smile in his voice. "Join the club. We've got room for another nocturnal species within the Marauders."
When I didn't respond, James said, "C'mon, you've got to get out of bed to have breakfast. Don't you want breakfast?"
Unable to think of any more lies, I simply blurted out, "I'm shy, okay? I need a moment in the mornings."
"Right, okay. You're shy," James said, and snorted. "No, you're not. You're like the most boyish girl I know. You don't wear make-up. You hardly wear dresses. Instead, you're always in t-shirt and jeans, or your Quidditch robes. I've never seen you lusting after a guy. In fact, the only interaction I've seen you have with a guy is when you punched that Slytherin guy in the nose. You're a tomboy if I've ever seen one, Ray, and I don't mind that about you. In fact, I sort-of respect you for it."
I stayed there under the cover with my eyes wide open as James listed off reasons why I wasn't like a girl.
Add to your list, I thought, that every morning I look like a swamp monster, instead of Sleeping Beauty.
Silence washed over James again.
"You-er- you didn't fall asleep again?" he ventured.
"No."
"Are you going to come out from under the blankets?"
"No."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No."
"So… if you aren't mad at me but you still don't want to see me, does that mean that Lily's not wanting to see me isn't the same as her being mad at me?"
"What? ...No."
"Then, promise to help me capture Lilykin's heart this year?"
"James."
Pause.
"Want breakfast?"
"Yeah."
Sirius seemed calmer as I quickly risked a glimpse at him over the eggs that morning.
"I was thinking maybe we could move the couch over to James' room so that James gets his room back and Sirius and James can room together. How does that sound?" Mrs. Potter addressed us.
"Yeah, it'll be a little cramped, but that should work,"James agreed.
Mr. Potter smiled and said, "I bet a hundred Galleons that room stays in one piece for less than a week once Sirius moves in."
"I'll bet weeks in vain hope," Mrs. Potter sighed.
"I bet an hour. Last time we managed to blast a hole in your ceiling in less than forty-two minutes," Sirius grinned.
James laughed. "Yeah, well, that was your fault. You pulled my pants down and I was just trying to protect my dignity."
"I didn't pull your pants down!" Sirius retorted. "You pulled them down yourself, saying that there was nothing more impressive than your lucky Muggle-contraption-rocketship underpants-"
I unintentionally spurted out a bit of my morning pumpkin juice. Mr. Potter gestured towards me and said, "Gentlemen, there is a lady present."
"Anyways," Mr. Potter continued, "you're wasting your time in-doors. It's a perfect day outside, so all of you go out, play some Quidditch, get some exercise."
"Absolutely not. Harold, Sirius can't play Quidditch already. He needs more rest," Mrs. Potter said worriedly.
"Nonsense," Mr. Potter replied. "Nothing mends itself faster than a young boy's body. Scat, all of you."
James shrugged and said, "Sounds good to me. My broomstick's already by the door."
"My broomstick's upstairs," Sirius and I both said at the same time.
Oh, I thought, bollocks.
"Right then, let's get a few things straight," Sirius said as soon as we stepped into 'our' room.
"How the hell did you find out that I'm Padfoot?"
Unable to think of a witty comeback, I replied stupidly, "Just did."
I took a deep breath. felt angry at myself. How long was I going to feel like a little girl in front of Sirius? How long was I going to feel pathetic and unworthy in front of him? That was stupid. I had to learn to stand up for myself.
Say something, I urged myself. Anything!
"I want my scarf back!" I blurted out in a high-pitched voice. I immediately felt regret and embarrassment course through me.
"Are you a raving lunatic? What are you talking about?" Sirius asked me disdainfully.
Don't back down. Don't back down. But instead of sounding angry and convincing, I sounded like a bit of a prat as I responded, "The scarf I gave to you under the tree, when you were Snuffles."
"Did you know that was me when you named me that? When did you find out?" Sirius pressed.
"A-at Hogwarts," I replied lamely, my mind still not working correctly.
Sirius sighed in exasperation. "Listen, this isn't a contest to see how many stupid answers you come up with. Just answer the bloody question, all right?"
"You didn't answer my question either!" I sounded like a child throwing a tantrum.
Sirius must have thought so too because his voice was incredibly condescending as he asked impatiently, "Which one?"
Embarrassed that I was bringing this up yet again, I answered in a small voice, "My scarf."
"Oh, that again?" Sirius barely restrained from rolling his eyes. "I dunno, I must've chucked it away or something. Anyways, you haven't told anyone, have you?"
Of course he threw it away. It must've meant nothing to him. I must mean nothing to him. Come on, Ray, don't you know your place by now?
"No." I turned away from him and grabbed my broomstick, just as James appeared at the door. "Bloody hell, did you guys forget what broomsticks look like?" he asked.
I felt deeply disappointed in myself. How can I be so insecure as to lose all sense of dignity in front of another teenage boy? How did I become this way?
But at the same time, a voice in the back of my head said somberly, I've never going to be anything more than I am now. What's the point of trying? I'll just have to be content with being the friend of someone beautiful or the sister of someone incredible. Anything more is clearly greedy.
"Well, c'mon, then!" James beckoned to us. "Time's a-ticking, y'know."
"Prongs, why do you say such weird phrases at random times?" Sirius asked. "You sound like a forty-year-old farmer."
James chuckled and said, "Well, you'd be right. I picked them up from my dad, and that's basically what he was before he turned all suburban and I-work-for-the-Ministry."
The three of us left the house togethe. James said, "Right, keep your broomstick down. And once we get there, don't fly above the treeline. Godric's Hollow is mostly a village of wizards and witches, but there's still some Muggle folk down the street, next to the cemetery."
And with that, he led us past the line of trees behind the houses and through the forest until we came to a wide-open clearing, a meadow lined by thick trees.
James immediately zoomed off, laughing happily.
"Does James know you know about Snuffles?" Sirius asked me as we watched James cackle like a maniac as he zig-zagged in the air
"Yeah, and about Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail," I answered.
Sirius turned to me, with surprise etched in his face.
"You know about all of us?"
"Yes," I said shortly. Then, I asked him, "Where'd you throw away my scarf?", thinking that if it was at Hogwarts, I could go back and find it. After all, my brother had given it to me three Christmases ago.
"I dunno, probably left it at my house or something. Kingsley, if you cared about it so damn much, you shouldn't have given it away."
I turned away from him, a little embarrassed because as always, his logic was right. Whatever, I thought, as soon as I'm in the air, I'll forget about all my problems, as always. I eagerly kicked off the ground, quickly gaining elevation. I was at the equal to the treetops in seconds.
"Not too far up, Ray!" James cautioned me. I gave them a thumbs up in return. Far up… I was pretty far up. A wisp of fear curled in my stomach…
My eyebrows furrowed. Something… something was wrong.
I turned towards the opposite stands… and it felt like everything was in slow motion…
No…
A man, cloaked in all black and wearing some sort-of silver mask, stood up in the middle of the stands and pointed his wand directly at me.
No!
A jet of white-hot light blasted from his wand and flew through the air-
I screamed and raised my hands to cover my face because the spell was coming right at me.
"NO!" Sola screamed loudly, "PROTEGO!" but it was far, far too late. The spell came right for me, when suddenly, Jamie swept in on his broomstick, and took the spell for me.
I nearly fell off as I jerked backwards. Realizing how high I was from the ground, with shaking hands, I forced myself to shakily guide my broomstick back to the ground as quickly as possible.
He combusted into flames and dropped fifty feet, slamming into the ground.
I couldn't brake with such clammy hands and ended up tumbling off into the springy grass. Or rather, into someone's arms.
He didn't move.
"Kingsley?" Sirius asked, completely confused.
"G-get off me!"
A single moment of unbelieving, uncomprehending-
"Ray!" James called from up above, across the meadow.
I tried to push Sirius away, but he wasn't having any of that.
"JAMIE!"
"What the hell is wrong?" Sirius grabbed my shoulders and tried to force me to look at him. When I looked away, he shook my shoulders gently, but it was enough force to shake a tear loose from my eye. It dripped down my cheek.
Sirius paused, bewildered, "What the-? Okay, okay, I'll find your scarf. Hell, I'll even learn how to knit if you want."
This can't be happening. This-
By now, James had reached us.
"Ray," he said, breathlessly, skidding through the grass to stop beside Sirius, "what's going on?"
But it was happening. It's true. I… I'm frightened of flying…
"L-Leave me alone!" I shouted frantically, and without thinking, I shoved Sirius away, hard, before taking off across the meadow, sprinting as fast as I could.
I tore through the forest and in just a few minutes, found myself back on the cement sidewalk. Without thinking, I chose a direction and continued running.
The pounding of my feet created an intolerably stable rhythm that pounded into my head the same message- Can't fly. Can't fly. Can't fly.
