The next morning after breakfast with Lily and Alice (Dorcas and Marlene preferred to sleep in), I headed back up to the library alone to return some books I had checked out for History of Magic.
As I began placing the books back in place, I spotted the Ravenclaw girl who had pushed me before walking with a Ravenclaw boy. I backed away into the far corner of the library hidden from everyone else's view and ducked my head. I hoped she would just pass me by, but I wasn't so lucky.
"Wait," she said to her friend and then she approached me.
"What, are you trying to hide?" she asked me and scoffed. "There's a big flashing neon sign with GUILT written on your forehead. Don't try to hide. Anyway, here's another person you've made miserable."
She beckoned to her friend and told him, "This is Jamie Kingsley's little sister."
"Oh, it's you, is it? Yeah, well, my little sister was supposed to come to Hogwarts this year. Couldn't, 'cause of your brother," he said in a haughty tone. But underneath that arrogant tone stirred real anger and a violent hatred.
"Listen," I nearly squeaked, "I know you're upset but it's not my brother's fault."
"Yeah, it is," the Ravenclaw girl said angrily. "Attacks like that don't happen at every Quidditch game! There has to been a motive and that was obviously your brother. Why couldn't he just keep his head down? He's like all Gryffindors, such a show-off, not caring what the sacrifice is as long as it isn't his! And he's playing again, isn't he? Merlin, I mean, the least your family can do is show a little remorse!"
Remorse.
"I'm telling you!" Sola yelled angrily, "That it's not your bloody fault!"
My mother kept mumbling apologies through her flood of tears, "It's because we're Muggles, isn't it? I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
SLAM! I flinched as my father pounded his fist into the busted wall again.
"Can't- even-" SLAM! "protect-my-own-" SLAM! "children!"
"WILL YOU STOP IT?!" Sola finally screamed in a voice that was no longer angry but strangled with sadness, "IT'S MY FAULT, OKAY!? MINE!"
I don't remember slapping her in the face. I hardly registered when the boy punched me in the face, before shoving me against the wall and drawing out his wand. I recklessly grabbed his wand before he could react, wrenched it out of his hand, and threw it down the hallway. But the girl had her wand out and was pointing it straight at me. "Petrificus To-!"
"Whoa, whoa," a haughty and care-free voice broke through my strange trance-like reverie, "what is going on here?"
"Potter!" the boy snapped in an angry, loathing voice.
"Oh hello Aubrey, how's the head?" James grinned and jauntily set the books he was holding in his left hand on his shoulder.
"You foul-" Aubrey spat out, but James ignored him and instead bent down to pick up the book I'd dropped.
"Well, Kingsley and I have someplace to be, so if you'd be so kind as not to hex us on the way out," James winked at the girl, who seemed to melt.
He beckoned to me and we hurried through the library.
"You seem pretty quiet, Ray, but every time I see you, it's either dueling or after hours," James said to me. "Oh, and you physically ripped my hair out over the summer, let's not forget that."
"That- you were reading my letter," I mumbled, blushing. It had been so easy to talk to James at home, where he was just a kid. It seemed strange now that we were at Hogwarts. He was so different here, popular, clever, sought-after, and it made him feel inapproachable.
"How were Quidditch try-outs?" I asked, trying to deviate the conversation to easier things to talk about. Politics, weather, sports…
James shrugged. All right, nothing brilliant. But after my training we will be. I'm Seeker this year, since we've lost you. Keeper's Prewitt again. Chasers are Roxanne Weasley, Hamish Frater, and Aiden Thomas. Beaters are Sirius, obviously, and Riley Smith."
Riley Smith. The other boy whose family had been affected by the prejudice against Muggle-borns.
How appropriate, I thought wryly, that I lose my spot and he gains his.
"Say, I think you owe me for what just happened," James said, smiling a little ruefully. "I mean, I didn't want to mention it, but the Masquerade's coming up and I wanted to find a way to ask Lily. Any brilliant suggestions?"
"Just… distract her from how much she dislikes you?" I suggested lamely.
"That's it? That's all you got?" James scoffed. "Are you a girl or not?"
"I don't know, James. Just do something that really catches her attention, you know?"
"Catches her attention? Okay…" James murmured, thinking hard.
"Oh, right. Here, this is yours," James said suddenly and put out his hand so that he was holding out the book he'd picked up off the floor of the library.
I looked down at it and felt the blood drain out of my face. I felt like a lightning bolt had struck me.
"Ray?"
"James, you- I didn't check this out…" I whispered.
James' eyes went wide and we looked at each other.
"Oh Merlin," I said, "we stole a book."
"Madam Pince'll have my head," James whispered. "I won't live to see another day."
"What do we do?" I asked, and we both stared at the book like it was a sleeping savage beast.
"I don't know, but for now, let's get away from the library as far as possible. I think I can hear her sharpening her knives," James said and we both dashed back up to Gryffindor Tower.
"Starlight," he told the Fat Lady and she swung open for us.
He headed up the boy's dormitory. I hesitated and stayed back.
"What're you doing? C'mon," James said, "You're not going to leave me to figure out what to do with this sin alone?" He pointed to the book.
"Yeah, but it's the boy's dorm," I muttered.
James rolled his eyes. "You lived with me and Sirius, for Merlin's sake."
He disappeared up the stairs and I followed him up to his dorm.
I paused in the doorway when I saw their dorm. Their blankets were more on their floor than their beds/ Peter was snuggled up on the ground with a Gryffindor quilt, napping away. Sweet wrappers, Quidditch robes, a pair of boxers and a pair of briefs, crumpled parchment, school books and comic books alike were scattered over all four of the desks. There was a clean, empty fifth desk, which I assumed belonged to Riley Smith who seemed to spend more time with Ravenclaw friends than Gryffindor. A Gryffindor tie hung haphazardly from the top of the bookcase. A moving model of a Quidditch game was set on top of a bedside table and the score was currently 190 to 270. A Snitch was flitting around the room and nobody paid any attention to it except when it fluttered in front of Lupin's lamp and he pawed at it like a cat to send it away. There was also a phonograph on the floor besides Lupin's bed. And the walls were plastered with all sorts of posters of Quidditch players, bands, pretty female models, motorcycles…
"Nature's Nobility: A Wizarding Genealogy? Oh, yeah, I know exactly what to do with this," Sirius snorted, taking the book. He was laying down in bed, idly reading his Transfiguration textbook with a dead bored face. "I'll send it to my mum. She'll love how many times our name is in this thing."
"Thanks, mate," James said, looking relieved.
Sirius thumbed through it with a nauseated expression. "Ugh, look, I'm related to the Gaunts six generations ago and you, James, are related to the Thewllanders. Foul gits."
James laughed.
"Thewllanders?" Remus said with interested, looking up from his homework. "Then you're distantly related to the Peverells as well?"
"Peverell?" James repeated, confused. He shrugged. "Might be, if it's a pure-blood line. Most pure-bloods are interrelated. Doesn't really mean anything."
"Really doesn't mean anything," Sirius agreed as he tied the book to his owl's leg. The owl looked alarmed at the prospect of carrying it all the way to London. James' owl hopped up to help him, hooting. I grinned. Even their owls were friends.
Remus turned to see me still standing in the doorway. "Raylynx? Why are you here?"
Sirius turned as well and his eyes hardened as he turned away from me and recovered his seat on his bed with his textbook.
"Oh, that little git Bertram was trying to pick a fight with her, so I stopped by and reminded him not to mess with Gryffindors." James smirked. He turned to me and then said, "Oh wow, he must've punched you pretty hard. It's all red underneath your eye."
I felt under my eye and winced when it felt tender.
"I've got some medication in my room," James told me reassuringly. "From Pomfrey, after Quidditch. I only used about half."
I felt the skin under my eye begin to unattractively puff up as James searched his messy table for the medication.
"Padfoot," James finally said. "Where's it gone? It was right here, on my desk."
"Your medication? It's on the top bookshelf. Although, there's not much left 'cause we used it mostly on Moony last month," Sirius told James.
"There's enough in it," James murmured, unscrewing the top and peering inside the small bottle.
James came up to me and handed me the bottle. "Here. Just dab some of that on the spot. Should heal whatever it is in a couple hours."
"Thanks."
Peter woke up drowsily but upon seeing me, he bolted upright. "G-girl. In our dorm."
Sirius' eyebrows rose and I could clearly read in his eyes the word he wouldn't say aloud to me, "Hardly". He turned away from me and dragged out a piece of parchment and started to scribble the title of our Transfiguration paper on it.
Holding back the profanities I wanted to yell at him, I said simply, "Right, well. See you all later."
"Yeah," James said.
"See you, Raylynx," Remus said, looking up to offer his trademark gentle, but weary smile.
"Good morn- Er- Good-bye," Peter said, yawning.
Sirius remained stolidly writing, his back to me.
I left.
But no matter what James and Sirius said about blood not mattering, the next morning, it became very evident that in London last night around midnight, blood had mattered very much.
"At around midnight last night in the Muggle neighborhood of Redbridge, an attack was made by a growing Dark-Arts Wizarding cult who call themselves the Death Eaters. The cult follow a leader who is becoming known as Lord Voldemort. The Death Eaters' identities are currently unknown, but they infiltrated and destroyed half the neighborhood. A team of Hit Wizards, Healers, and Memory Modifiers showed up on the scene almost immediately. Sixteen casualties have been reported, though the Muggle Prime Minister has announced this incident as a kitchen fire gone wrong. Fredrick Bones, a long-time Healer has lost his life while protecting a group of Muggles. Evidence found at the site of the most regrettable death of Mr. Bones suggests use of the Forbidden Killing Curse. Millicent Bagnold, Minister of Magic…Well, it's obviously she's completely at a loss for what to do, isn't it?" Lily said, throwing the newspaper in disgust, "This is horrible."
"Bones? Isn't there a Bones our year?" Dorcas wondered, taking the newspaper and reading it herself.
"Yes, George Bones. He's a Hufflepuff. He plays Quidditch," I answered, glancing over my shoulder past the Ravenclaw table at the Hufflepuff table. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't there.
"Wizards shouldn't have to die to keep Muggles safe," Lily said vehemently. "We should all be keeping Muggles safe."
"Yeah, this 'blood' status thing is rubbish. I can't believe people are actually fighting over this. I mean, isn't it obvious prejudice like this is dead wrong?" Marlene agreed.
Andromeda's words rang in my mind:"Honestly, I don't think many people really believe in the blood hierarchy, even the purebloods that spout that stuff. It's just an excuse to create a system where they have the political, economic, and social advantage without any earnest hard work on their behalf. That's all."
"I have a feeling it's not going to end anytime soon", I said.
But just like with Riley Smith's family, even with the news of George Bones' family, things still went on like nothing had happened. People still worried over things like House Points and their dates for the upcoming Masquerade Ball.
At the end of our Alchemy Class in which we tested the Laws of Lubargo on Amortentia, Reginald Cattermole, intoxicated with the fumes of Amortentia, fell to his knees and asked Mary MacDonald if she would "please, please, please" go to the Masquerade Ball with him or "he'd weep tears of bittererest sorrow".
Slughorn seemed torn between amusement and slight repulsion, while the girls swooned and the boys gagged. "Is bittererest even a word?" I heard Snape mutter in disgust.
Anyways, Mary accepted to much cheering.
Later that night, a much more sensible couple for the Ball also happened in the form of Frank and Alice.
"Listen, Alice," Frank had said, "I know we're not particularly er- chummy, but I wanted to know if you'd like to go to the Ball with me? I mean, I couldn't go to Hogsmeade with you. And this will be a good opportunity to get to know each other."
When Alice was too surprised to answer, Marlene popped out of nowhere and chirped brightly, "Yeah, it would! Great!"
Already high tensions from the prospect of the Ball were even more heightened with the season opening Quidditch match. I declined to go, though I did wish James the best of luck. When the girls asked me why I didn't want to go, I simply told them the truth, that watching people flying at high heights scared me after what had happened to my brother. They accepted that without question and no longer bothered me, except for Alice, who kindly asked if I'd rather she stay with me.
The silent common room was a relief. I sat down on the couch and stared into the flames, just thinking. Thinking about Jamie and Sola and my parents… They also lived in a Muggle neighborhood. That could have been them.
I have to hurry up and become stronger. I have to stop being the weak one.
For my parents.
For Sola.
For Jamie.
Please, please, Jamie, wake up. You've been gone long enough, don't you think?
It's like he's fading away… No one's said his name in so long… Like he was just a dream I had a very long time ago… The best dream of my life.
"Jamie," I whispered, and it seemed to bring him closer to me. It seemed to give him life.
"Jamie. Jamie. Jamie."
