Gryffindor had managed to win their first match by a margin of twenty points, but with the way James and Sirius strutted down the halls over the following week, you'd think they'd won by two thousand points.
They were leaving an overly long Potions class just as I was about to enter into Alchemy and I heard Slughorn say to Sirius, "M'boy, you really must come to one of my little parties someday. You've missed four of them now! Your brother's only missed one-"
James exited the classroom, tugging an irritated, scowling Sirius in tow.
Our eyes met for a second.
"Congratulations," I said. James beamed brightly at me but Sirius simply grimaced and walked straight past me. Again.
This can't just be about what I said over the summer, I thought, frustrated. Even Sirius Black wouldn't be so damn sensitive as to ignore me this long over something as unintentional and unimportant as that. But what else could I possibly have done? We haven't even spoken since we came to Hogwarts, mostly because he refuses to even acknowledge my existence.
"But why weren't you playing for Gryffindor?" was the question I got most over the following week. I brushed off those questions simply by saying that my classes were too difficult.
Anyhow, more people were interested as to how Xenophilius Lovegood (after failing to become the Ravenclaw Seeker again) ended up as the Quidditch commentator. He'd gone on a long rant about the existence of bizarre creatures called Blibbering Humdingers and Crumple-Horned Snorkarks before McGonagall had physically grabbed the microphone away from him, shouting out the score.
Though my classes truly were absurdly difficult, they had also never been more engaging. And never had I met more helpful peers. The seventh years were a very bright and friendly group who treated me as something like the class pet, and were always very open to giving me all the help I needed.
So, in fact, I was doing fairly well in all of my classes, with the outstanding exception of Dark Arts, in which Seymour repeatedly whooped my ass with Dark Arts curses.
Literally.
Rubbing my arse, I walked out of that class, sure that another bruise was well on its way. I was on my way to the Great Hall when I spotted Remus Lupin. Or rather, just his head, peeking out of the corridor.
"Lupin, is that you?"
Remus motioned for me to please get out of the way and stay silent. I joined him behind the tapestry.
"What're you- Oh, another prank?" I guessed.
"Er- trying to stop one, actually," Remus said sheepishly.
Suddenly, I said, a bit seriously, "Lupin, I know we're not necessarily close, but can I ask you a question?"
Remus smiled faintly and said, "I consider you a good friend, as evidenced by the fact that I call you by your first name, Raylynx. However, you don't seem to think the same of me, since you are still the only Gryffindor who calls me by my surname."
"Oh, that isn't intentional or anything. I suppose I just…" There are so many things about you that I know that you don't know I know. I don't feel right pretending to be friends until I've been completely honest with you.
"Well, it's about Sirius," I said, avoiding his comment. "I was wondering why he's been ignoring me."
"Oh," Remus said, looking surprised and slightly uncomfortable, "well, Sirius does tend to ignore those who, er- don't interest him in a particular way. Also, I was under the impression that he wasn't on the best of terms with Marlene at the moment. Perhaps that's why?"
"No," I said, shaking my head. "See, I think it's because of something I said to him over the summer. I asked him about his younger brother, and if he missed him. I didn't realize it would upset him to talk about it. But Sirius can't be mad at me over that still, can he?"
Remus' face suddenly fell and he looked quite grave. "You must understand. Sirius cares for his brother more than anyone else in the world, though he won't admit it. He feels he's not allowed to admit it. He hasn't been able to forgive himself for having abandoned Regulus in that 'mad house', he calls it. It's eating away at him everyday, thinking his brother is turning to the Dark Arts because Sirius left him there."
"Oh," I said miserably, suddenly understanding a little better the extent to which I must have injured Sirius with my words.
"Protego Maximus!" Remus suddenly shouted, and his Shield Charm raced down the hall towards Severus Snape. At the opposite end of the hall, I could see James and Sirius having shot spells of their own. The spells raced towards each other at an unsuspecting Snape who had his nose buried in his Potions book.
The spells all collided in Snape at once, who disappeared in a puff of blue and a shower of white sparks.
Remus had his fingers crossed. Both of us held our breaths as we peered down in the hallway, anxiously waiting for the smoke to clear.
"Oh no," Remus groaned. He shut his eyes before banging his forehead against the wall rather hard, for James Potter and Sirius Black had pranked Severus so that his robes were dyed an outrageously vivid pink and gold and flashed the words "Smack Me, I Like It" on the back.
"That's ghastly," I commented. "Pink really doesn't suit his complexion."
Suddenly, a crumpled piece of parchment hit me on the forehead and fell to the floor.
Rubbing my forehead and murmuring, "Ow," I picked it up just as Snape's furious yells sounded across the hallway.
"Oh, it's a message for you," I said, holding it out to Remus. Remus looked down at the paper in my hand to see the words, "Nice try, Moony, but you're not quick enough for us as of yet, young grasshopper" scrawled across the page.
Remus swore.
It was beginning to become chilly again, with whispering winds bringing along merrily rolling leaves and strewing the paths to the Herbology greenhouses and Hagrid's hut with the brightest scarlet and golden hues of the foliage. Hagrid's hut, just beyond the Forbidden Forest, was often covered in bright autumn leaves and even the Whomping Willow could be momentarily spotted wearing a brilliant crown of autumn leaves, though it was always very quick to shake it off.
It was the day of the Hogsmeade visit and Alice, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and I excitedly trooped down together to the common room, talking loudly about the things we were going to buy and eat. However, midway through crossing the room to the door, four glittering but transparent walls sprouted out from the ground under us. We shouted and Lily immediately yelled, "Bombarda!" but her spell shot right through the shimmering wall and blasted the Announcement board into pieces.
"Well, well, isn't this cozy?"
I turned as much as I could in the cramped room to see that James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were in this strange box with us and that Marlene and Lily were crammed in between them and myself, Dorcas, and Alice.
"Prongs, mate, this wasn't supposed to get us in it too," Sirius muttered, irritated.
He tried to move and the sound of Peter getting squished against the wall could be heard.
"Oops, sorry, Wormtail."
"James Potter! What do you think you're doing?" Lily shouted.
"Oh, Lily, darling, there you are," James said and with great difficulty, managed to sling an arm around her shoulder.
Dorcas groaned, pounding against the glass. "This isn't really the ideal spot for you to ask her out, Potter."
"Well, now that I've caught her attention-", James said proudly. I sighed as I felt myself being smushed against the glass by Dorcas struggling to reach her wand. Right, right, I had told him to catch her attention the other day, hadn't I?
"This isn't really what I meant, James!" I said.
"Ow! You touch my butt again, Wormtail, and I'll eat you at the next fu-"
"Sirius, shut up!" Remus shouted angrily.
"Lily," James said happily, oblivious to everything but how close he was to the redhead of his dreams, "Lily, will you please go-?"
"Potter," Lily snarled, "open mouth. Insert foot!"
"Come on, go the Masquerade with me, Lily, or we'll be in here forever."
"What, I have to go with you to the Ball for us to get out?" Lily said in disbelief.
"Let us out!" I shouted as three Gryffindor girls passed by us. But they giggled and shook their heads. I groaned.
"As if they could if they wanted to," James said proudly. "I devised this, I did."
"We," Peter chirped up from behind Sirius' arse, "we devised this."
"And actually, Lily, the flower of my heart," James said. "You've got to kiss me if you want to get out of this. But I thought agreeing to go to the Ball would be a smoother start. "
"What!?" Lily screeched and then laughed hysterically. "I'd rather kiss the Giant Squid!"
"Yeah, well, he's not in here with us, is he?" James muttered, slightly discouraged.
"Prongs, I've giving you thirty seconds before I kiss Moony myself and get us the hell out of here," Sirius said, glaring at James. He was the tallest and biggest of all of us and he was absolutely crammed in the corner. Well, Wormtail was behind him, but he was so squashed that he might not have been there at all.
"C'mon, Evans, go out with me," James said. "Please?"
Well, he did say 'please', I thought, but Lily said in a low, furious voice, "You are revolting, Potter. I'll never go out with you. Sod off!"
"Engorgio!" Dorcas tried, having finally reached her wand. James frantically tried to stop her. "Wait, wait, no-!"
Too late, the box became even smaller and we all simultaneously groaned as though we'd been punched in the stomach.
"Ah, Lily, I see you took this chance to come even closer to me," James said cheerfully, smiling.
"Prongs-" Sirius started irritated, but Lily beat him to it, "Potter, get us out!"
"Course!" James acquiesced immediately before leaning towards Lily. She shrieked and punched him square in the jaw. James' head flew backwards and bashed Sirius in the face.
"Bloody hell!" Sirius shouted through gritted teeth.
"What do you think you're doing!?" Lily shouted furiously as Dorcas moaned against the glass-like wall.
"Ray, your arm is in my stomach and I... I can't breathe," Alice said softly, looking down at my elbow.
"Right, right, sorry," I said and tried to shift my elbow, but just ended up with my bent arm in the air like some crazed lunatic.
"You said to get you out!" James cried, pinching his nose. "I was going to kiss you, so we could get out!"
"James, we're going to miss the Hogsmeade tri- uumpf!" I yelled and found myself smushed to the glass as Lily tried to hit James.
"Wait, it's just got to be a kiss?" Marlene said desperately, trying to refrain from squashing Alice into me. "Anyone?"
"Well, one of us," Remus explained. "The point was for Lily to kiss James, wasn't it? The rest of us aren't supposed to be in here. It wasn't designed that way."
"Obviously", Sirius quipped. "It certainly wasn't designed for all of- mmpf!"
He couldn't finish his sentence for Marlene had reached over Remus and Lily and grabbed him and kissed him square in the mouth.
The walls disappeared immediately and I fell with an "oof!" as Alice and Dorcas fell on top of me. I felt a pang in my heart that had nothing to do with the pain of being crushed, but ignoring it, I got up quickly and started to sprint. Whether I was running to get to Hogsmeade or running away from what I'd just saw… I wasn't sure. As I wrenched open the door, I heard James ask Lily behind me, "C'mon, just go the Ball with me? One chance, please?"
"No!" Lily said angrily, slightly panting as we raced down the stairs.
"Besides," Lily said haughtily, "I've already got a date."
"You do?" Alice said in surprise. "You haven't said…"
Lily shot Alice a hardlook as we barely managed to pass through Filch and into Hogsmeade.
James was insistent on following us all the way to the dress shop, but once there, professed himself too frightened to come in.
"Thank Merlin for that," Dorcas said in relief, tugging her scarf from her neck. She, Marlene, and Alice left to go browse through the racks of dresses as they all had dates- Dorcas with Jay, Marlene with Sirius, and Alice with Frank.
"So," Lily turned to me happily, "what are you going to wear to the Masquerade?"
"What?" I said blankly.
"Well, you're coming, so you have to dress up! I still haven't gotten over last year, where you managed to worm out of going!"
"I didn't worm out of going," I protested, "and this year-"
"You're my date!" Lily said happily.
"What?" I had had every intention of telling that I wasn't going again.
"Yeah, I know I didn't tell you but you are. My date." Lily grinned at me. "I even turned down William Darcy and James Potter for you, so you have to come."
"Lily," I protested. "I get that you don't want to go with James, but this doesn't mean that you have to-"
"It'll be fun," Lily promised. "C'mon, let's go look at the dresses."
And so we looked at dresses. And dresses. And more dresses.
Don't get me wrong, I like pretty things and silky fabrics and hand-wrought detailing, but dress #100 and dress #101 looked really similar.
"Lily, this is fine," I said, holding up dress #16.
"No, that's hideous," Lily said. "Here, throw these on."
She handed me three or four other dresses.
"Have you lot finished yet?" Marlene asked, having purchased her own dress already.
"I've found mine," Lily replied. "We just haven't found Ray's yet."
"Well, I've found mine", I said, picking up dress #16 again. Then, the price tag caught my eye.
"Nope, definitely haven't, carry on," I said, shoving the dress back on the rack.
As annoying as it may have seemed, I knew Lily was just being a sweetheart, searching harder for my dress than her own, and refusing to accept the fact that it was my body that wasn't very fitting to cut-outs and jeweled bodies rather than the dress itself.
Finally, I demanded that we stop and pick the prettiest, cheapest dress from the lot we'd already settled on.
We picked dress #23, a short, strapless dark blue dress with a simple band of white crystals wrapped around my middle.
"Great," I said, snatching it from Lily's doubtful hands and shoving it onto the counter. "How much?"
After I bought it, I turned to Lily.
"Listen," I said. "It's ridiculously hot in here. I'll wait outside, okay? Take your time."
Lily nodded, only half-listening as she re-examined her own dress. I hastily threw on my scarf, grabbed my bag, and left into the refreshingly brisk air.
It wasn't there I didn't like dresses, I did. But the idea that a dress could ever make me as pretty as the others was ludicrous and I wasn't going to stand around and entertain that idea.
Suddenly, a strong breeze picked up and my half-wound scarf flew off my shoulder and into the street. I made to chase it when someone jerked me back hard, just in time to avoid a racing carriage.
"Watch it, you," a low voice accompanied the arm around me that held me back.
"S-sorry, I- thanks", I said, jumbling my words and trying to keep my heart from racing out of my chest.
The arm that kept me safe dropped. I looked up to see stormy, slate grey, and altogether oddly familiar eyes.
"Sirius?"
I'd never realized how much taller he was than me. I'd also never realized how much stronger and bigger he was than me but as he stood there in his collared jacket, looking down at me quite disapprovingly with piercing, unreadable eyes, I felt his presence physically comforting and frightening at the same time.
"You're always going after your scarves," he muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Watch yourself."
And he left without another word, joining the other boys across the street as they stepped out of Honeydukes.
My mind whirling, I dashed across to grab my scarf before retreating back beside the dress shop's door to wait for the others.
Wait! I wanted to say. Wait, I have to tell you that I'm sorry about what I said over the summer. And I have to tell you that I'm sorry because I care about you. I care about your happiness, and that's because... I like you.
Merlin, I thought, and for the first time I could put into words that strange feeling that I had never understood for years on end. I like him.
I like Sirius Black.
My eyes closed in resignation and my chin sank into my now tightly-wound scarf. I'd always passed him off as someone attractive in the normal way- physically attractive, popular, and clever. I'd also stereo-typed him as someone quite arrogant and reckless and basked in the glory of his own accomplishments.
And he was all these stupid things.
But he was also so much more.
He'd bothered me. That was how I had passed this feeling off before.
But now I knew why he bothered me.
Because I cared about him.
Because I felt for him.
Because I wanted him.
Unfortunately.
Quite. Unfortunately. I thought as Marlene exited the shop and came towards me.
"Rayly?" she said.
I tried to smile at her, but my heart felt heavy.
