James' POV

A wave of cold air rushed through my sheets. I shivered as Sirius slipped under the covers.

To both our horror, we'd discovered he'd far outgrown the couch he'd always slept on before. We couldn't engorgio it anymore without completely cramming my room so we'd opted to take it out and engorgio'd my bed instead.

I mumbled, disgruntled and still half-asleep, "Sirius, you're much better to sleep next to when you're a nice warm doggy instead of a stupid human always letting in the cold. Why don't you just make the change permanent?"

He was silent, which was very unlike him. Usually, he had all kinds of snappy comebacks which involved the words "scrawny" and "specky" and occasionally "bastard".

But I was too fogged up in sleep to really concern myself.

But just before I drifted back into deep sleep, he spoke aloud, "You always knew, didn't you, Prongs?"

"Hm?" I murmured groggily, pulling the covers up to my chin.

"About her brother. That he's in a coma."

"Oh. That."

"Is that why she can't fly?"

"What?" I muttered, zoning back out into sleep again.

"Is that why she doesn't play Quidditch anymore?"

"I dunno," I said, then paused. "Probably."

"That sucks. It was the one thing people, you know, respected her for."

"Really?" I said, my lips barely moving apart as my brain struggled to form coherent words through the mists of sleep. "I've always found her... pretty cool even without... the Quidditch…"

"She's not cool, Prongs. She really isn't. But we should help her."

"Help her?"

"Overcome her fear of flying."

"Padfoot," I murmured, unable to stay awake much longer, "I don't think we can do that. We're not exactly er- what's the word…er…uh…therapists?"

Sirius said something, but I've no idea what it was. I conked out and fell into a wonderfully deep slumber.


Raylynx's POV

Sunlight brutally flooded into my vision. With a groan, I dove deeper into my blankets.

"We have a question."

"Couldn't it have waited til' later?" I croaked, peeking out under the covers to see Sirius and James in my room.

"That day we went flying and you went berserk," Sirius said. "Was it because of what happened to your brother?"

"So what if it is?" I asked in a muffled voice, burying my head underneath the pillow.

"We're going to help you overcome that fear," James said proudly.

"If that requires getting out of bed, no thanks," I mumbled, snuggling into my bed.

"We weren't asking you for your permission," Sirius replied.

"I wasn't asking you for your presence!" I replied. "Go away, please!"

James ripped my blankets off the bed and cool air rushed into my bed. I curled up as tight as I could and hugged my pillow to me.

"Resistance is futile!" Sirius warned.

James and Sirius picked me up and carried me out the room. I moaned as though physically in pain and managed to drag out the entire bedding with me.

So there we were in the hallway, a procession of blankets, what with my foot stuck in the sheets and a quilt over my head and another blanket caught in James' legs.

And then, suddenly it all came to a grinding halt.

"What do you think you boys are doing to her?" I peeked my head out from underneath the quilt to see an angry Mrs. Potter standing there, frying pan in one hand, wand in the other.

James gulped. All her age seemed converted into pure power as she towered over both boys

"We…um, we were… we'll just put her right back where we find her, shall we?" James said and slowly both boys moved back into my room and placed me back into bed.

I smiled and rolled myself back into my blankets. Good ol' Mrs. Potter.


"Expecto Patrona-!"

"Expecto Patronum!"

"Expecto Patronum!"

I stood alone in the snow-covered white field behind the Potters' home, attempting to conjure a Patronus.

All I had been able to manage was some faint glowing wisps out of the end of my wand.

The truth of it was, I knew, that I didn't have a memory that was strong enough.

I didn't understand why.

My life had been happy and in particular moments, I had felt what I thought had been pure bliss. When my parents celebrated my birthday, for example. True, it had been all of Jamie's and Sola's old decorations, but what else could you expect? Or when I had perhaps won the Quidditch Cup with my teammates? Only… the vision of Jamie got in the way.

I felt disillusioned with myself, as though the life I had been living had been revealed as a lie. And I finally understand. I had nothing for myself. I was nothing. Nothing in me glowed. I had tucked away my soul all these years, believing that I was living the good life, the only life I could have. But in fact, all this time… I had never been living my life.

I tried to think of my friends, but Marlene made me think of Sirius, Lily made me think of the curse of being Muggle-born, Dorcas made me think of the intelligence and wittiness I had always so desperately sought, but never gained.

Finally, I thought of Alice. Gentle, kind Alice. Whom everybody overlooked. Whom everybody disregarded because they took her for granted. Alice, who forgot her own grief upon seeing a friend's tears.

I focused on that memory of first meeting Alice that very first nerve-wracking day at Hogwarts and the way she had gently held my hand as we trooped up the stairs to the Fat Lady.

Smiling slightly, I closed my eyes and raised my wand. "Expecto Patronum!"

Something silver, furred, whiskered, and pawed burst out of the end of my wand. Shock broke through my concentration and the creature disappeared instantly.

Exhausted from the effort and somewhat relieved that I had, at least, done something resembling success, I fell onto the snowy field, laying on my back and staring up at the white sky. Snowflakes flurried through the air and spiraled down to me, kissing my lips and cheeks and lashes. I stared up and breathed deeply, watching my breath curl into the air and disappear without a trace.

It was my favorite time of the year, winter. A time to be making memories. But here I was, simply recalling them desperately or judging them harshly.

I closed my eyes.


The holiday season came with a fresh blizzard of snow and ice.

Now, when the morning sun came up, you could breathe on the window and watch the frost-flowers come alive and every snow crystal be coaxed out of its simple white shell into pure six-pointed magnificence.

The Potters decorated their house festively and their tree burned bright with all sorts of lights, glitter, stars, ornaments, and whatnot. Mrs. Potter placed poinsettias and roses in my room and even made stockings for me and Sirius.

Three days before Christmas, I was looking at my stocking in front of the fireplace when I felt a presence behind me.

"Bit strange, huh? Having our names up there when we're not Potters," Sirius said, standing behind me.

"Yeah," I agreed wistfully. "But neither of us can be with our families right now."

"Why not?" Sirius asked me, coming to stand beside me in front of the fireplace. "You know why I'm here, but I'm not entirely sure why you're here."

"Dumbledore said it wasn't safe. That my family is being targeted by Death Eaters because of Jamie and Sola's prominence in the Wizarding World." I smiled ruefully, "Because we're Muggle-borns."

"Nah," Sirius said after a moment. "Probably 'cause they're pricks like you."

I laughed despite myself. "Merlin, you're delusional."

Sirius shrugged. "Just telling you my opinion."

"I didn't ask for your opinion," I retorted.

"You don't have to ask. It's my opinion," Sirius shot back.

Then, suddenly, Sirius switched topics, "That scarf that you gave me…"

A flicker of annoyance came alive in me.

"No, not you," I corrected, irritated. "To Padfoot. I gave it to Padfoot."

"Right, Padfoot," Sirius agreed, not even the least bit hurt by my jab at him. "Who gave it to you? It wasn't from your brother, was it?"

I hesitated, then ran a finger along the remarkable stitching of my name. "Yeah. It was."

"And then you went and lost it," I glared at Sirius.

"Hey, you said you gave it to Padfoot. So then Padfoot lost it. You can't have it both ways."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I still can't believe you didn't tell me!"

I started to speak again, to tell Sirius that what really made me angry was not only the fact that he had not revealed himself as Padfoot, but even moreso the fact that he had continued to ignore me even after seeing me at my most vulnerable.

But before I could get the words out, Sirius grinned and said cheekily, "You probably would have killed me right then and there if I had."

"Excellent," James' voice came from just behind us. "If you die, does that mean I get your broomstick?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Thanks, mate. Real Gryffindor loyalty, right there."

"Speaking of loyalty," I said. "What's this I'm hearing about you and that seventh-year girl, Miranda? All the girls have written to me, calling you all sorts of colorful names."

"They know already?" Sirius said in exasperation. "Merlin, girls are quick. It's weird, they're usually so slow with everything else."

I swatted at him with my hand. He easily avoided me, proving his point. James laughed.

"But are you serious? It's only been a couple weeks since… you know," I said.

"Marlene. You can say her name," Sirius replied causally. "And yes, I'm quite serious about Miranda. She's gorgeous and I hear she's rather good at snogging. So worth a shot, yes?"

I looked at him and tried to feign my misery as amusement. "Right."

"If not, you've got back-ups anyways," James said. "Who else was on your list? Oh, right, Madison Jane, a Hufflepuff our year, and Isabella Swearington and Kortnie Amber, both seventh-year Gryffindors."

I tried to look as though none of these names meant anything to me and concentrated on staring at my feet.

"Shall we have a game of 'Battlefield' before bed then?" James asked us and I hastily agreed. Mrs. Potter gave us a large plate of fruit and pastries as James set up his 'minions' of goblins, Sirius set up his centaurs, and I set up my mermaids.

About halfway through the long game, James began to yawn. He ran his hands through his hair before flopping over on his back and stretching like a cat.

I rolled the dice, which flared up sparks that spelled out the number '12'. I made the appropriate move, decimating about six of Sirius' centaurs, which neighed unhappily.

"Damn it," Sirius muttered, his eyelids sliding shut.

"James, your turn," I probed, only to look up and find him sound asleep on the floor, his hands curled up on his chest like paws. I turned to Sirius to point this out only to find him lolling against the wall as well.

"Weak," I muttered to myself. I Summoned blankets to us. I draped one over James easily, but Sirius was less easy as he was propped upright and the blanket kept slipping onto his lap.

I tried to slide the blanket's edges under his shoulders to anchor it against him but I accidentally shifted his weight over and he slipped to the side a bit. I caught him with my arms only to find his weight immense.

"Oh Merlin," I whispered, "you're so heavy."

I gently and slowly laid him down on the ground and covered him with the blanket. Again, I felt such a desire to lay my hands against his face.

But he'll never be interested in girls like you. Even if he's not with Marlene, the kind of girls he likes will never be like you. Don't forget your place, Raylynx. You'll only get hurt and they'll be no one to blame but yourself.

I stood up and picked up the plate of remaining fruit and pastries and headed down to the kitchen before falling asleep in my own bed, thinking of Jamie and Sola and my parents and wishing this holiday would bring miracles.


"It's Christmas! People, arise please! It's Christmasss!" The sound of James screaming as he sprinted down the hallway must have served as not only the house alarm, but the village alarm that day.

"Pipe down, you git," I heard Sirius mutter as he also shuffled past my room.

Well, I thought, at least he said, 'please'.

I opened my eyes, staring up at the lovely cream-colored ceiling for a few minutes and just soaking in that lovely feeling of Christmas morning before getting up. I grabbed a warm fluffy towel and a change of clothes before heading for the bathroom.

I opened the door- and found myself face-to-face with a Sirius that had only a towel around his waist and the silver necklace around his neck, the charm lying on his chest.

"Sirius! What in hell-?"

"Oh, did I not lock it properly? My bad. The lock works the opposite from the bathrooms at Hogwarts, so I get confused often."

Blushing madly, I quickly shut the door.

"Um…" I heard Sirius say. "You dropped something." The door opened a peek and he held out my sports bra.

Feeling like my head was going to explode from utter embarrassment, I snatched it away from him.

"Not very impressive," I heard Sirius mutter as he shut the door again.

"Neither were you!" I shouted back. I thought I heard him splutter in outrage but I'd already retreated to my room, completely mortified.


We gathered around the Christmas tree, the Potters, Sirius, and myself. My presents included an assortment of wonderful things. From Alice, I received a candle that when lit, went off like a sparkler whose golden sparks were warm but not burning hot as they sprayed up in the air . From Lily, I received a handsome quill and very elaborate and pretty stationary. From Dorcas, I got a new chess board. From Marlene, I was given a magical mood ring that was far more accurate than Muggles mood rings and included feelings like "invisible" and "exuberant". Mr. and Mrs. Potter had gotten me a clock that told time, except it was an hourglass with brilliantly glowing stars in one end. If one shimmering star was at the bottom, it was one o'clock; if two, two o'clock and so on. My own parents had gotten me a hand-woven patchwork quilt and a Muggle Polaroid camera. Sola had sent her Christmas card with a brand-new light brown owl, which, she told me, was actually her gift itself, a pet. She told me our father had wanted to call him 'Mr. Perkins' due to his remarkable resemblance to the old man who lived at the end of our street and our mother wanted to call him 'Spectacles' for the light brown markings around his eyes. I settled on the name Artemis. She'd also bought me a magical paintbrush that picked up the color of whatever it last touched. "I think it's a ridiculous waste of money," she wrote, "but it's probably what Jamie would have gotten you. So, for his sake, Merry Christmas." I unwrapped James' present and something heavy but soft fell out. I unfurled the cloth and looked skeptically at the dress in my hands.

"A dress? Really?" I said, looking at James with a puzzled expression.

"Well, I figured you wouldn't have any... and it was Mum's suggestion!" James mumbled.

Finally, Sirius' present. I opened it and again, something heavy and soft fell out. I held it up to see a bright red scarf. It wasn't very well-made. At all.

"I made it," Sirius said, quite proudly.

"Wow, this is really…" I tried to keep the word to myself, but it slipped out anyway, "horrendous."

Mr. Potter and James both burst out in laughter as Sirius' mouth fell open in shock, but Mrs. Potter tried to defend his dignity, saying, "Knitting like that is really hard!"

"Yeah, yeah, it is," I said, trying to cover-up for my slip of tongue.

"Anyways, everyone, Merry Christmas!" Mr. Potter said conclusively and we all got to our feet to eat dinner together.


That evening, Remus and Peter came over and we engaged in a ferocious snowball fight.

James, Peter, and I were on one team against Remus and Sirius. We had constructed a massive fort, complete with steps that lead to a sort-of snow tower from which we could launch snowballs down into the kind-of mile-long trench Remus and Sirius had built on their side of the field.

"Wormtail!" James called, and Peter threw up a snowball to James in the tower, who caught it and chucked it into the trench. The sweet sound of a mark being hit could be heard, confirmed by Sirius' voice crying out, "Ow! That was my bloody head, you fool!"

Suddenly, Remus appeared from the trench and shouted, "Think quick!" before throwing a snowball at us. I ducked and it caught Peter square in the face and as the enchanted snowball imploded, he flew a few feet in the air before coming down on the soft snow.

Peter sat up and spat out a mouthful of snow.

"Pete, what're you doing, you idiot?" James called from above. "I'm out of ammo!"

I scooped up a couple snowballs and tossed them up to James before helping Peter up and brushing off snow from his jacket.

Then, I leapt out of our fort and hastily made for the steps to the tower. Sirius' well-aimed snowball caught me in the neck and I grumbled when I reached James in the tower, as the snow began to melt and trickle down my back.

"Whoa, look," James pointed at my neck.

"What?" I said nervously.

"Sirius' snowball must have been enchanted to leave a print. You've got this snowflake-looking thing on your neck. It looks like glass. It's actually pretty cool."

"Duck!" I shouted and we both ducked down as Sirius and Remus had together levitated twenty snowballs to rise at once and attack our fort.

Each one slammed into our fort, shaking the tower James and I were on though we managed to deflect ourselves from most of them with a variety of heat-shield spells.

"Incendius Protego!" James shouted, flourishing his wand and a brief circle of flame appeared, melting all the snowballs that came close to us.

Unfortunately, it also melted a fair bit of the tower we were standing on.

As the snow slipped away beneath our feet, James and I look at each other.

"Uh-oh," I said.

"Frick frack," James muttered, just as the entire floor crumbled away.

We both yelled as we fell onto the room below. Unfortunately, I fell on Peter, who had been, at that very moment, working furiously to build a huge gargantuan snowball and having done so, lifted it over his head to chuck it. But I'd fallen right on top of him and buried him in his own snowball. There was a merry shout of laughter from Remus and Sirius' end.

"Sorry, Pete," I said, helping him up again.

James scowled and hurriedly packed together another snowball.

"Watch this," he said, "Inalgesco." The snowball glowed blue for a moment and then James tossed it to a Sirius who had just been climbing out of his trench. It hit him square on the shoulder and then he looked up in shock when he realized his legs had been frozen to the ground.

"Bollocks," he cursed as James, Peter, and I all took turns chucking snowballs at him.

Finally, we sent him a giant snowball which imploded as soon as it hit him. He went flying back into his trench and Remus' gleeful laughter could be heard and a sputtering Sirius replied, "We're supposed to be on the same team!"

Remus, who had actually been building a snowman, enchanted it, or rather recruited it, to begin to march across the field to us, chucking snow at us as it went.

"That's cheating!" Peter shouted, but James was already busy doing the same thing.

And then I thought, Charms could be useful for this.

It was the first time I had actually thought that; generally my favorite subjects of Charms and Ancient Runes were seen as the most useless subjects of them all.

But as I crafted a dragon out of the snow and set it to motion, I felt satisfied. Even more so when Remus and Sirius looked over the trench meaning to chuck snowballs at us only to find a snow dragon roar fiercely in their face. Their stunned faces became covered in snowflakes and they starting running, screaming like maniacs at the "dragon".

We didn't stop until night fell and Mrs. Potter stomped out menacingly ordering us in. By then, our fortresses were immense and snowmen, snow imps, snow dragons, snow phoenixes, and snow Yetis were tromping all over the poor field.

She finally dragged us in, with red cheeks and snow tucked into every strand of our hair. She had us stand in front of the fireplace, where the snow in my hair melted. I took off my beanie and shook my hair loose, showering Sirius beside me in drops of melted snow.

"Ugh, you're like a wet dog," Sirius complained, flinching as my damp hair whipped against his shoulder as I threw it over my shoulder.

"Like you can talk," I muttered out of the corner of my mouth.

Sirius retorted, "I'm a clean, sweet dog. Unlike you. You're a filthy, ugly, prude do-"

"You're not a sweet dog, you're a bloody liar, Sirius Black," I growled, still angry at him for deceiving me. I don't think I would ever get over it.

Sirius smirked. "And you thought I lived in the Forbidden Forest."

"Because that's where your stinking hide belongs."

"And you trusted me, didn't you?" he murmured tauntingly as we stripped off our jackets. I pressed my lips together. He was pushing it.

"In fact, if I recall, you even cried in front-"

"That's it!" I shouted suddenly and to the others' utmost surprise and amusement, I pounced on Sirius.

"Ow! Get off! Ow, that's my hair, you bloody-!"

"She always goes for the hair," James said, watching me rather admiringly as I shoved Sirius against the wall.

"Well, it's better than another sensitive spot," Remus replied airily.

Meanwhile, Peter simply watched me with his mouth open.

"You- are- a- complete- arse- Sirius- Black!" I shouted, thumping every part of him I could reach. When Mr. Potter came in with steaming mugs of hot chocolate, we all froze.

"Uh…" I said stupidly, breathing hard. "Um, I..."

But Mr. Potter simply set down the hot chocolate and said, "Carry on, madam," before shutting the door.

Remus and Peter had to leave shortly after, and then it was just Sirius, James, and I lazing before the fireplace, unwilling to finish (or in the boys' case, begin) packing.

"So I suppose when we go back to Hogwarts, you're not allowed to talk to us?" James said to me. "What with Lily hating my guts and Marlene hating Sirius'?"

"Well, I don't know," I said. "It's not like we talked much anyways, right?"

There was quite an awkward silence at this rather brutally honest statement I'd just made, and neither of the boys seemed to know how to reply.

I groaned internally. Leave it to me to ruin any chance of friendship.

Finally, James cleared his throat and said to Sirius, "Mate, that day in the common room, with Marlene… Why didn't you just say the shirt was from Ray? It would've made things better, I think."

I paused and then glanced over at Sirius, for I had been wondering this too, but felt too awkward in bringing it up myself.

Sirius shrugged. "It wasn't important. It wasn't even really ever about the shirt. Just the fact that she doesn't trust me. That she never did."

I tried to stop the words from coming, knowing that I would only cause myself pain, but I blurted out the words anyways, "But you still like her, don't you?"

Sirius was quiet for a moment before he said simply, "No."

I closed my eyes. If Sirius had to pause, he was lying. Sirius never paused; he never hesitated in announcing who he was and what he believed in. But in this case… I rolled over, looking away from the boys into the fireplace.

The closer I get to them, the further away I feel. Let me go back to Hogwarts where the boundaries are set and followed.