Raylynx's POV
I no longer dared to try to glimpse Regulus at the Slytherin table or even at the library table. I did not know how I would find myself reacting if I saw him. The barest hint of his dark locks or the quickest glimpse of his silver eyes and I would avert my eyes and clutch at my hems.
I don't know what I was running from. I don't know if I was so afraid of anymore- that he would hurt me or that I would hurt him. Were they even different things anymore?
Luckily, our paths didn't cross very much, save for Astronomy class, in which I tried my hardest to ignore his presence. I always raced out of Astronomy, practically shoving my notes at an irate Professor Collins.
On the last day of Astronomy before break, I rushed out first, slapping my notes into Collins' hands.
"Ms. Kingsley, if you could possibly control yourself-"
But I was long gone, flying through the hallway.
It was no wonder I ran smack into someone in the corridor.
"Oopsy-daisy!" the other girl cried out as I tripped spectacularly in front of her.
"Oh, crap," I cursed, ignoring my stinging knee and quickly gathering all the textbooks and rolls of parchment that had scattered from both our arms.
I was in such a furious pace that I had gathered all of them and was back on my feet before she'd even knelt down to help me.
"Here," I said, handing her her books. "I'm sorry about that!"
"That's all right," she said kindly.
Then she said in a voice of surprised recognition. "Wait, aren't you the Hogwarts Champion?"
I tried not to grimace as I vaguely mumbled affirmative.
I stood there, waiting for the insults and mean laughter to come, but instead she said, "Oh, this is great! You're brilliant, you are! I can't wait to watch you during the second task. It's a bummer it's so far away."
I studied this girl more carefully now. She had to be around my age and she was very pretty with long tousled light brown hair and hazel eyes. Her robes were from Letra Damien for she wore a red vest, a grey skirt, and black robes. This surprised me since all of the Letra Damien students, with the outstanding exception of Karkaroff simply followed their Champion's example and pretended I didn't exist.
But this girl seemed quite bright and cheerful as she held out her hand to me. "I'm Alexia Janice from Letra Damien."
I took her hand. "I'm Raylynx Kingsley."
She smiled at me and then commented, "Well, it looks like you were quite busy, perhaps on your way somewhere?"
"Right," I said. "I suppose I'll see you around, then."
She smiled at me and nodded. I left with my handful of books and made use of the secret passageways so as not to run into Regulus. I only put down the books when I got back to Gryffindor Tower.
But I started when I saw the top book. It wasn't mine.
I groaned. I must have mixed ours up in my frantic picking up.
But a second later, curiosity got the best of me and I opened the cover of the red, leather-bound book.
The title was: Alchemy Higher-Level 7: Alchemic Processes in Dangerous Dynamic Potions and Algorithmic Chaos Systems.
My jaw nearly dropped. I had barely managed to scrape an E in the Level 1 Alchemy Class I had taken last year. Level 7 was incredible.
I flipped through the first few pages, staring in mute awe at the complicated transmutations and theories involved with each Potion, but then I reached a page which had a slip of parchment wedged in.
I opened it, expecting to see more fascinating Alchemy notes but instead I saw that two elegant hands had scrawled out a conversation here:
You look so grim.
Because I'm focusing in class. Something you never do.
It's all in the textbook, you know. I don't know what you're scribbling away at your notes for.
I came to class. I might as well make it worth my while.
And I suppose by the way you refuse to look at me any longer, that you expect me to leave you be, studious and serious as all hell?
You're ignoring me now... Come on, you always look so serious. Smile a little.
You'll have to give me something to smile about first.
The sun is shining.
I know creativity is not your strong suit, Alexia, but that's pathetically weak. Try again.
Um… for the first time in my life, I gave you a birthday present that you didn't absolutely despise and think it had a severe want of taste.
I told you never to talk about that again.
And since when have I listened to what you said? I kissed you, I'm not ashamed. Are you ashamed to have kissed me?
Alexia, please.
You are, aren't you? You wish I'd just stay away from you.
Why do you provoke me like this when you already know that I look to your attention as one of the few things in this world that matter to me most?
I didn't know that. Now I can honestly say I learned something in this class.
And I can honestly say I learned nothing, thanks to you. Do us both a favor and burn this paper immediately.
On the contrary, I plan to keep it forever.
When I got to the end of the page, I suddenly felt startled. Startled at how I had so suddenly intruded into the privacy of a complete stranger. Startled, also, by the maturity and depth of emotion portrayed between what could only be two polar opposite people.
I hesitated. Something with wings, something very much like hope rose inside me.
But then I remembered Regulus' pained face and that hope was gone in another heartbeat.
When Marlene walked in before dinner to drop off her book bag, I wished so badly that I could talk to her.
I needed her, more than anyone, to listen to my fear about this whole tournament, and the insecurities I was having about Regulus.
Pride fought desire, but I finally turned around.
"Mar-"
But she was already opening the door and then, she was gone.
In her place was Lily, who had just walked in.
She immediately noticed the hurt on my face, though I tried quickly to rearrange it.
"Ray?" she asked, coming up to me.
She put her arms around me. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," I murmured, my eyes downcast onto my table. "I just accidentally grabbed someone's book, that's all. It was a student's from Letra Damien."
"Oh, well, their carriage is just past Hagrid's hut and as its just before dinner, there's a good chance you'll catch her going down to drop off her things before dinner," Lily suggested reasonably.
"Yeah, I think I'll go look for her," I said, and without further ado, I grabbed the book and ventured down to the Hogwarts grounds.
It was just before sunset and the sun sat on the mountains just beyond the Forbidden Forest as a vivid orange glow, sending streaks of gold and yellow across the treetops of the Forest.
It was a short walk just beyond Hagrid's to the Letra Damien carriage. It looked absolutely gorgeous; its gold outline glinting in the sunset glow and its white body taking on a pearl sheen. I approached its door and saw the emblem which I was now acquainted with- the emblem which was woven into their school clothing- a crown made of roses.
I hesitated before gently pushing on the door. It seemed silly to knock.
I stared at awe at the interior, which seemed even more massive than its huge exterior suggested.
There was one long corridor of mahogany wood that served as the common space for it was wide enough to accommodate couches, tables, and even a piano. It branched off into several different rooms. The first had written on it: Kitchen. The second: Library/Classroom #1. It was only when I came to the fifth one did it say: Girls' Dormitory.
This time I knocked. Nobody answered.
I gently pushed against the door and it swung open.
I walked inside and then gaped.
Row upon row of crimson red, grey, and gold tents was crammed into this room.
I addressed two girls stepping out a nearby tent, interrupting their conversation. "Excuse me. Where could I give to this Alexia Janice?"
"Oh," the girl seemed quite surprised to see a Hogwarts student down in their dormitory, "over there." And she pointed me towards a gold tent further down the row. The other girl simply smirked at me. No doubt she was amusing herself by insulting me, as anyone who recognized me as Hogwarts champion was bound to do.
I thanked the first girl and quickly made my way down the row.
Again, I hesitated. How does one knock on a tent?
But I was saved the trouble of the riddle when somebody exited it and we nearly head-butted.
In fact, the "somebody" in question was none other than Alexia herself, followed by a couple other girls.
"Oh, hello!" she said brightly.
"Hey," I said, more than a little startled.
"Did you come to return my Alchemy book?" Alexia asked, nodding down at the book in my hand.
"Oh, yeah, I did. I'm sorry I mixed it up."
I handed it back to her.
"No worries. Thanks for coming all the way down here to return it." She beamed at me and for a moment, I was taken aback by how bright this girl was. She was simply radiant.
My mind again became curious as to who was so in love with, who was so gloomy that she felt attached herself to, and he to her.
"Are you headed up to dinner? Care to join us?" she offered. One of the girls next to her soured, pulling a displeased face.
"Maybe next time," I replied, not in mood to deal with any more snide comments.
I waited for them to leave first and then walked back down the long corridor.
I was nearly at the door when somebody called my name.
"Kingsley."
I turned. It was none other than the Letra Damien Champion himself, Jared Kaius.
And what could he possibly have to do with me?
I waited silently for him, making no move to encourage or reject his greeting.
He came up me, ever coolly composed, and said, "I wanted to ask you a question."
"Yes?"
"Go to the Yule Ball with me."
My mind froze. All my faculties fell apart.
What is this?
"That's not a question," I said dumbly.
What? He's hardly spoken two words to me before. Could it be that all this time-?
"Don't imagine anything fanciful, please. I have no desire to 'get to know you', as it were. I simply think it would be more… prudent for the Champions to go with each other. Less talk will be stirred up that way."
"Oh," I said, half-relieved, half-confused.
"I mean, wouldn't you like to avoid associating anyone you care about with you as a Champion?"
"I-what?" I spluttered indignantly.
I was fully aware that I wasn't the most dashing champion, but to actually tell me that it was shame for anyone to like me was truly below the belt.
His face reddened the slightest- No, that was too strong a word for it- He pinkened very slightly.
"I was only suggesting that it may be more convenient for you to accept my offer."
Something just snapped in me, but I tried my damned hardest to keep my emotions under control.
"Look," I said through gritted teeth, trying to stop the anger from seething into my voice, "I know I'm not pretty or attractive. I'm fully aware that I'm an embarrassment to my school. And I don't expect anybody to offer to be my date. But that doesn't mean that I feel grateful when people pretend to lower their standards for me. I don't want anybody's pity. I don't need it. So no, it's not convenient. It's offensive and rude and you're just pathetic."
Embarrassed and frustrated, I turned on my heel and left the carriage.
Still, everything would have been all right, everything would have been perfectly kept together, had I not on my way back run into Marlene and her Letra Damien friends.
I met them in the inner Viaduct courtyard of the castle, crossing from Great Hall to Gryffindor Tower. The courtyard was beautiful, the edges of its four roofs lined with sparkling icicles and its great fountain frozen, though water could still be seen trickling under a layer of ice.
I passed them by with my fists clenched, but suddenly, it was just toomuch. Jared was one thing, but Marlene?
"Are you going to keep not talking to me? How about you own up to it and end it now?" I said angrily.
Marlene turned around. Her mouth was slightly open in shock, but her eyes were harsh and angry.
There was a piercing silence in which Marlene's friends looked between her and me in astonishment.
"You have no right to say that to me. You never even tried to talk to me," Marlene finally said.
"Because it was never my problem to begin with!" I retorted, my voice rising to a shout.
People from nearby halls were now rushing to look at what was happening.
Aware of the people beginning to watch, Marlene folded her arms defensively and said edgily, "Well, I guess it became your problem when you became Champion. Only, you suddenly became too busy to care, right?"
I couldn't believe my ears.
"Are you just going to stand there and tell me I did this to mess with you? No! No, you're the one who put my name in the cup! Because you never seriously thought that I could get picked!"
Marlene flushed, but didn't back down.
"Oh wait," I said, and the words escaped me before I could even help myself, "You think since I don't have a parent to come watch me, I'm not good enough to be a Champion."
Marlene's eyes flashed and her face twisted.
I saw her raise her arm and felt a sharp sting across my face.
But it was only when James darted out and grabbed Marlene's arm to stop her from hitting me again did I realize that Marlene had just hit me.
Marlene wrestled against James. The unfortunate result was that with a loud "Whoa, shit!" from James, they fell spectacularly into the fountain together, cracking the ice and falling into the freezing waters below.
Some people gasped, others laughed, and many cursed and applauded in appreciation. Just then, Sirius broke from the crowd to run out and help the two of them up.
I already knew what was going to happen.
He would help James up, then Marlene, and the three of them would stay together for the rest of the night. I would, once again, be virtually nonexistent to them.
"Oh my God," I heard someone say in the crowd, "did the Hogwarts Champion just push that girl in?"
Hot tears stung my eyes. I immediately tried to get out, but the crowd blocked my way.
"Excuse me," I managed to say, but they still didn't budge. Instead, someone said, "That was mean of you!"
And someone else shouted back, "I'd say!"
"Excuse me!" I said loudly, and when they still didn't move, I finally shoved my way past them all, and it seemed like they all shoved back and cursed at me.
It seemed that was all they knew how to do.
I sprinted up the stairs and made my way- not to Gryffindor Tower, but to the Room of Requirement.
Give me a place where no one will find me! Give me a place where nobody will bother me. Just give me a place where nobody can get in after me.
A door materialized and I pushed it open.
I knew this room. I'd been here before.
It was the Room of Hidden Things, that absolute labyrinth of all sorts of items: thousands upon thousands of books, flying catapults, old weary Fanged Frisbees that only growled at the walls now, chipped bottles of congealed potions and corked bottles whose contents still shimmered evilly, several rusting swords, and a heavy blood-stained axe.
I sat atop an old cupboard besides the bust of an ugly old warlock wearing some sort-of tiara.
I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself, but it was difficult. Though the sting of the winter cold left my face, the sting from her slap did not. I kept any tears back, though my sight was blurry.
When I blinked, something twinkled in my vision. Assuming it to be my tears, I hastily tried to wipe them away. But even when they were gone, something continued to sparkle at me, as though inviting me over.
I got to my feet curiously and began to walk over, though I became more and more wary the closer I got.
I finally rounded a corner composed of stacked chairs to realize that I was looking at: a Mirror. It was ancient, from the looks of it, in a dusty gold frame and with clawed feet that had long been out of style. There was writing ascribed at the top of the frame. I couldn't quite make it out from where I was standing.
I approached it and stood directly in front of it. "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi…"
Well, that was plain rubbish as far as I could tell…
Suddenly, I thought I saw a ripple in the glass. I squinted my eyes to look closer and then-
My breath caught.
My heart stopped.
Every feeling in my body was erased, every thought in my mind obliterated save for pure shock that crashed into me harder than an ocean wave.
"Mum? Dad?" I whispered. For there they were, happily waving to me, their arms linked together.
And there was Sola, too, in her witch's robes and holding her wand. She was smiling brightly, as I had never seen her do in life.
And then, also waving and beaming brightly was-
"Jamie…" I leaned forward to touch his face.
But my fingers only met cold, hard glass.
Disappointment sank into my heart like a cold knife.
But my mind reminded me: It's only a mirror. Pull yourself together. You don't live in this alternate universe that this mirror is showing you. Of course you want it, want it more than I want my own life, but it isn't your reality.
And an even smaller voice in my mind whispered, "Turn away. Turn away. Turn away before you forget yourself."
And with a great effort, I turned away, a move that made me feel like I had ripped my own heart out.
I tried not to look back at the mirror, but I did, just once, at the corner.
No longer did it depict myself and my family, but it shimmered once more, reflecting light from who knows where.
And then my heart thumped loudly, reminding me to live in the present.
Strangely, the grief of looking into the mirror brought me back to my senses. The anger that had devoured me was gone, the offense that Jared and Marlene had gave me seemed meaningless.
My priorities were given to me straight, and I would be a fool to be distracted by anything else.
I found my way back to the Cabinet and by the time I had found the door to exit, I was quite calm, if not a little more solemn.
I had one last examination before my winter holidays and the Hogsmeade trip.
It was my examination with Ollivander.
His task to me caught me off guard for he had asked me to- with the materials supplied- craft a quality wand.
I was almost as nervous as I was for the first task throughout the course of the examination, but at the end of seven long arduous hours, I presented to him with a trembling hand:
"Hawthorn and unicorn hair?"
"Yes, sir."
"Ten inches precisely. Reasonably springy."
Ollivander examined it very closely, rolling it between his palms over and over again and holding it up very close to his eyes.
Finally, he gave me the ghost of a smile and said, "You have passed. This wand is of quality. I shall sell it in my shop someday."
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and watched him pull out a box in which to put it in.
"But in one thing you still lack, Raylynx."
I looked at him curiously. "What is that, sir?"
"Your aggression. You have changed, it is true. The owner of this wand will not be so innocent as if you had made a wand when you first became my pupil. But this wand will never be able to wield truly Dark Magic. It would never cast, say, a Killing Curse."
"I'm glad," I said.
Ollivander looked at me in disapproval. "Remember, Raylynx, it is not your place to place restraints on a wand. Your job is to extend the power of the wand and the magic it channels. For terrible deeds are still powerful ones."
