Raylynx's POV
I still didn't have a date. And by the looks of it, I wasn't going to have a date.
God, it was just Reason #844263 that I shouldn't be Hogwarts Champion.
But I was.
Unfortunately.
Dorcas suggested that I borrow Jay for the first ten minutes of the Ball, but as tempting as that was, I couldn't allow myself to do that.
I even thought of asking Julian, but I remembered how it had felt when Jared had tried to ask me. I recalled how distasteful the word "convenience" had sounded to my ears. So I refrained from asking Julian. I did, however, continue to become better friends with Julian. He was quite a remarkable person, truly colorful.
The one person whom I even had an inkling of really wanting to go with was Zayne Finnigan. He and I had always been friends and he was just about the easiest-going person I knew. But just before I could ask him, his wand spurted out a huge fireball that decimated half our table and I was, (understandably, you must admit) distracted.
The next class he told me he'd been asked by none other than Liesl Jones, the daughter of the famous Quidditch player Gwenog Jones, and that he was quite flattered by her. So I left him alone.
But I found myself growing increasingly desperate.
But then at three in the morning on December 25th, Christmas Day, it occurred to me in the simplest of thoughts: Why did I so desperately need a partner?
Now, you might say this thought occurred out of desperation- you would probably be right.
But the fact is that my mind was suddenly clear and that it no longer frightened me to think of going alone.
Of course, immediately my mind argued, So what, you're going to dance by yourself like a fool?
But my heart answered, Why the hell not? How is that any more embarrassing than depending upon another person to solidify my right as Champion? Between the two, really, which is wrong? I would say the latter.
And I fell into a blissfully peaceful sleep right after thinking that.
I sat quietly as I let Lily do my hair and make-up.
Normally, I would despise this. Today, I welcomed it.
Whatever beauty I could find in myself was going to have to serve as defense in my moments of doubt, because I knew I was going to have them.
My dress was simple. It was a black ball gown. The upper part was velvet and it went all the way to my neck and the arms were long-sleeved, but the back was entirely cut away. The lower part was a simple but thick layer of black chiffon.
"There you are."
I opened my eyes.
"I know you don't like heavy make-up or dramatic hair so I just tried to keep it simple," Lily said.
"Thanks, Lily," I replied and risked a quick glance in the mirror.
She'd softly curled my hair so that they fell in long, dark waves and tried a simple winged eye.
"I should head down, I suppose," I said, rising.
Lily hugged me carefully. "It'll just be a few moments and then it'll all be over," she reassured me.
I returned her hug, then left the bathroom where Dorcas and Alice were waiting. Marlene was getting ready with her Letra Damien friends.
"Oh, Ray, you look gorgeous," Alice said, reaching out to take my hand. She squeezed it gently and I smiled at her.
"It's nice, I suppose," Dorcas said. "Nothing remarkable." Then she winked and slapped my butt, "Go! Go dazzle everybody."
"Oh, Ray," Lily called from the bathroom. "Remind me who you're going with again?"
All this week, I had insisted I was going with "Buddy", a "sixth-year boy who took Healing Lessons from Poppy with me". The reason I had chosen such a name, of course, was so that whenever they asked me if I was going with so-and-so, I could reply, "No, Buddy", which really meant "nobody".
Now seemed the appropriate time to reveal this.
I smiled craftily and said, "I didn't" before fleeing the room.
"WHAT!?" I heard her shriek.
Remus' POV
"Get that out of my face," I said, irritated by the black feather quill that repeatedly poked me in the nose.
"It's not in your face, it's in my hand," Sirius replied evenly.
"Get what's in your hand out of my face."
James burst into our dormitory just then, with Peter.
"Got it, boys!" James crowed victoriously.
I looked up from my book and saw-
"James, what in Merlin's saggy Y fronts is-?"
"The Christmas cake, of course!" James said.
"I sent you down to get hot chocolate and this is what you come back with?" I said weakly, looking at the huge, tiered cake covered in frosting and candies, covered with plastic. It was barely balanced in James' reedy, swaying arms.
"Here, Pete, catch!" And James tossed it to Peter, who became startled and fumbled. It landed on our carpet with a squelch. At least it was wrapped in plastic.
"And Wormtail fumbles! Pity, pity," James chided.
Peter stooped down and pried the squished, squashed cake off of the floor.
"Careful, Worm," I murmured. "If that plastic breaks, it'll be a right mess."
Peter ignored me, however, and instead stated boldly, "Hey, how come you think I'm a Chaser? If this is Quidditch, I want to be Seeker."
James chortled. "You gotta learn to catch things before you become anything in Quidditch, Pete."
Peter pouted. "I would've caught that," he said sullenly. "If I'd known a game was going on,,."
"Evans should be here, playing Beater," Sirius commented. "She'd loved to take a swing at you, Prongs. Especially after that Hogsmeade trip."
James merely shrugged. "I don't see why she should be upset. In fact, I don't even think she is upset, Padfoot. I'm leaving her well enough alone."
"And I'm telling you that that's precisely why she's mad."
James shrugged again, and messed up his hair thoughtlessly. "I don't think she is. It's not really my concern anyways."
Lily Evans.
She knew. She knew what I was.
That had been the precise words she had spoken when she had held me back during the Hogsmeade trip.
"Remus, I know. I know what you are."
I had never felt so terrified in my entire life.
It was the feeling I got before every transformation- that freezing of the nerves, the sudden cloak of fear that smothered your mind and threatened to choke you, your trembling hands and frantically thumping heart, thumping so fast it might just burst-
She, of course, wanted to know why I hid this from her. How dare I lie to her about my hideous condition, about what I was?
My lips trembled and my mouth felt quite dry as I tried to speak. "I-Lily, I…"
The last girl who had discovered my secret had been a witch named Mercedes Delacour. She had lived in the same village as I the summer of third year. She was my age, though she attended a French school named Beauxbatons.
"Why didn't you tell me, Remus?"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, REMUS!?" Screaming, she had run to her parents. We had had to move the very next day.
"Lily, I'm…I'm so sorry. I was afraid…"
"Afraid of what?"
In my mind's eye, I could still picture her running away from me. That long, blonde hair swishing away in the sunlight. She had been wearing a light white summer dress. It would have all been very pretty, if she had not been running away from me in disgust, in fear, in repulsion, and in rejection.
"I didn't- I didn't want to be a burden on you."
My mind had been numb then. It was numb now, even as Lily grasped me by the shoulders and ferociously shook me.
"A burden?" she had said incredulously. "How could you think that, Remus?"
"I've never had reason to think otherwise," I whispered honestly.
"Well, you're wrong," Lily said, and angry tears sprung up to her eyes. "And whoever told you that is also dead wrong. Do you hear me? They're dead wrong!"
Why was she crying?
"You are not a burden, Remus," she had said to me. "You have a burden, which by definition, is too heavy to carry by your own. But you are not a burden!"
And then strangely, she burst into tears.
It was that sudden outburst of emotion that made me realize: She's crying for me.
And strangely, it became me comforting he. Me, taking her by the shoulders and trying to soothe her, trying to tell her that I was here for her, rather than the other way around.
"Moony? Moony? Earth to Moony!" James was waving his hands in front of my face like a madman.
"Come on, we've got to get into our robes for the ball! It's starting in twenty minutes."
But I didn't care. I was still lost in memory; that utterly hopeful, beautiful memory.
And then that blasted irritating black feather came out of nowhere again and stuck itself in my right nostril.
"Sirius!"
"S-sorry! That was an accident! Anyways, you ruined my quill with your great big nostril!"
"Get it out of my nose!"
"It's not in your nose, it's in my hand!"
"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!"
"REMUS ELIZABETH LUPIN!"
"SIRIUS!"
"MOONY!"
Raylynx's POV
First moment of doubt: When I saw Julian and his date, Emma, a tall, freckly girl who absolutely glowed in her gold dress.
Second moment of doubt: Seeing Jared, his haughty features heightened by his aristocratic dress, and his date, whom I recognized briefly as one of Marlene's friends. When his grey eyes landed on me and he realized I was completely alone, he seemed to smirk at me.
Third moment of doubt: When McGonagall strode in to tell us to line up with our dates.
Fourth moment of doubt: When she realized I couldn't line up with my date as I had no date.
Fifth moment of doubt: The horrified look she gave me.
Sixth moment of doubt: McGonagall announcing that we were to walk in in pairs into the Great Hall.
Seventh moment of doubt: Hearing the crowd gather behind the doors.
Eighth moment of doubt: When the doors actually started to open…
If I reach ten moments, I don't know if I can survive this, I thought.
The doors had opened, and my feet had to move. I was first among the Champions to enter the Great Hall. Just one foot in front of the other…just one foot in front of the other.
I heard gasps and saw fingers pointing at me. Well damn, that made for a quick, hard-hitting number nine, didn't it? I tried to focus on not falling and to take in the overwhelming beauty of the Christmas wonderland that the Great Hall had been transformed into.
There, I'd made it out onto the dance floor.
Moment number ten arrived in the form of more than half the crowd whispering, "How's she going to dance? She's going to look so stupid!"
I felt myself start to crumble, but there really wasn't a choice anymore, was there?
I smiled wryly. No, this wasn't the hard part. The hard part had been the six years before of knowing that I was unwanted and feeling like I never quite belonged. In comparison to the weight of those six years, this… this was nothing. I would hold up just fine by myself, thank you very much.
"Sorry I'm late," a voice said quite loudly behind me. I saw the people in the audience shut up. Some of the Hogwarts' girls' mouths dropped open.
I whirled around when I heard those familiar words.
Could it be Regulus?
But no, there he stood, in all his bold elegance.
"Take my hand," he commanded, rather than offered, and held it out to me.
I could not move. What was this feeling? It was an odd mixture of emotions- astonishment, certainly, but also tinged with disappointment.
"Well… are you going to take it?"
I was still frozen. Or had I simply cracked altogether? Perhaps this was a mental breakdown. If so, it wasn't so bad.
"Raylynx," he hissed at me, and then I heard the music start.
Startled into action, I immediately took his hand we and we started to dance.
"You lead," I whispered to him.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Obviously."
A second later, Sirius grimaced as I tread on his toes. "James told me what a bad dancer you are…" Sirius said.
About thirty seconds later, when I had managed to crush four out of ten toes, he leaned down and whispered harshly through gritted teeth, "Bad doesn't do it justice. You are terrible."
When I nearly tripped us both, he almost growled, "Here, just step closer, will you? And move as little as possible."
"To preserve what's left of my toes," he muttered to himself and grimaced as he drew me closer to him, his hand on my waist pulling me to him.
I was glad because this way I could hide my face away from him and I didn't have to look at his face, only at his chest, upon which I saw the silver line of my necklace coming out from underneath his tie. I was glad not to see his face. Not only was he handsome enough to make me nervous, but he looked so like Regulus. When I heard those words, I had thought for a moment, that it might be Regulus. Lost in thought, the opening notes of the song fluttered by.
Sirius really was a good dancer. He did all of the work, and more, he didn't shout when I bumped into him or stumbled on his toes. I felt myself relax as time passed and when enough people had joined the floor, we left inconspicuously.
He shook his head at me as he followed me to the back tables. "You better hope the next task doesn't require foot coordination because if it does, you're most definitely screwed."
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I could say.
Suddenly, I noticed that his grey eyes were searching mine. It felt odd, he never did that.
I blinked and looked away before replying, "I was doing just fine on my own."
"You know, Kingsley, most people say thank you, and I think it's an appropriate sentiment here. Don't you?"
Most people. So he saw this as just another one of his many chivalrous, daring acts then. He had liked the risk associated with it, and the attention it brought him. It had nothing to do with me. This made sense.
"Thanks," I finally said.
"You're welcome," he replied with a slight bow of his head.
Then, a boy whom I recognized as a Ravenclaw sixth-year asked me if I wanted to dance with him. I stared at him, more than a little surprised.
Then, another, irritatingly confident voice floated into our non-existent conversation. "Oh no, I really don't think that's a good idea. Not unless you want to lose all eleven of your toes."
The boy left immediately. Far from being discouraged by my fish-like gaping, I simply think he was freaked out that Sirius thought we had eleven toes.
When another boy from Letra Damien came to ask me if he might have a dance, Sirius interrupted yet again, "You really don't want to be doing that, mate."
When he left, I turned to Sirius, annoyed. "What are you doing?"
Sirius looked at me in mock surprise. "You're telling me you want to dance with them? Submit those nice blokes to the torture of your dancing?"
"Well, no, but-"
"I thought not."
"But you don't have to speak up for me! I can handle it perfectly well my-"
Suddenly, a very pretty seventh-year Hufflepuff girl came to ask Sirius for a dance.
I quickly intervened, my annoyance working faster than my brain. I said, "Oh no, you'll have to wait in line. He's got an entire waiting list of girls to dance with already."
She pouted, but left quickly after that.
Sirius glared at me. "Sod off, Kingsley."
"I'm merely returning the kindness," I replied somewhat snottily.
We sat in sullen silence for a minute or so before I got up, unable to stand the tension. Why did I have to ruin everything? Why couldn't I have just thanked him and establish a casual friendship with him?
I headed over to the refreshments table and absent-mindedly started to pour myself butterbeer.
"Careful, you're going to spill that."
A light-hearted, cheerful voice broke into my reverie. I looked up to see Zayne Finnigan smiling at me.
"Zayne!" I said, smiling.
"Care for some?" I asked him, shakily offering him the entirely full-to-the-brim goblet.
He shook his head, laughing. "No. Put it down, Raylynx, before you spill it. My heart's trembling just from watching you hold it. Anyways, I just came by to tell you 'hello'."
"Where's your date?" I asked.
"With some friends," he said, nodding his head at a group of girls. "Though she's made me promise to dance with her in a bit."
"I saw you came with Sirius Black," Zayne said, in a half-joking, half-annoyed manner. I vaguely remembered Zayne punching Sirius straight in the jaw one Transfiguration class.
"Is that a problem?" an irritated voice sounded out. Sirius had joined us.
Zayne grimaced, but plucked up a poor attempt at a smile. "Fancy seeing you again."
"Can't say I think the same," Sirius replied shortly.
Zayne laughed in earnest at Sirius' undisguised disgust. "All right, Black," Zayne said. "All the same, it's Christmas. Enjoy yourself." With a hearty slap on the back for Sirius, Zayne was off.
Sirius glared at his retreating back and muttered to me, "What do you see in that stupid git?"
"A friend," I responded.
Sirius looked at me again.
Annoyed by how self-conscious I felt, I said to him, "Why don't you go find that pretty seventh-year and ask her for a dance?"
"I don't much feel like dancing. You wore me out."
I stayed silent, but a second later, Sirius said to me, "Don't you think Lily fancies James?"
In light of recent events, namely, James' involvement with Lorraine, whom he was here with tonight, I did, in fact, think that Lily fancied James. Or maybe 'fancied' was too strong a word. But she definitely felt something for him.
But I was totally unwilling to betray this to Sirius, so I simply said, "What? Why do you say that?"
He shrugged. "She looks at him a lot."
"So?"
"So I think he likes her. The way she- never mind, you wouldn't understand."
"Why wouldn't I understand?"
"Because I doubt you've felt that way for anybody, so what would you know?"
He had really trapped me in a corner here. Any response I gave was incriminating evidence. I kept silent.
"Shall I take you out for another spin?" he suddenly asked.
I snorted. "What am I? Your daughter? Besides, I thought you said you didn't want to dance."
"You know, you're a lot more bearable when you aren't being so damn sassy," Sirius said.
"And you're loads better when you're Padfoot and can't talk so shut up."
"Speaking of, did you know there's a wild cat in the Forbidden Forest?"
I tried to keep my voice neutral. "Really?"
"Yeah. The other night Moony nearly attacked Lily and James. I distracted him, but I would have been ripped to shreds had it not been for the help of the ugliest cat I have ever seen."
I was torn between hysterical laughter and utter embarrassment, but then a name caught my attention- "Lily? Lily was out in the Forbidden Forest?"
"Yeah, she didn't tell you how she was almost killed by a werewolf? She and James both…"
"No, but why would she…?"
My voice died in my throat as I realized that there was only one reason why Lily would keep silent on something like that, why she would have "urgent" matters to discuss with Remus shortly after that…
She knew he was a werewolf.
Merlin.
Suddenly, there was a soft crackling sound. We both looked up to see mistletoe growing in-between the icicles and streamers and stars above us.
I hadn't even had time to say anything when he'd flat scampered and was gone, out of sight, amidst the crowd.
Lily's POV
He had come with her.
Of course, I didn't really care.
But still.
When he saw me, he greeted me with a simple, "How's it going, Evans?" and passed me by.
Everything he did with her just underlined the fact that I had never been anything but a joke to him.
And I hadn't ever wanted to mean anything to him, but now I just felt embarrassed. He really had treated me like some object, never caring about how humiliated I might feel at his lack of sincerity.
Although, a voice in my mind reminded me, there was the one time… with the roses…
But even that was in front of a crowd of people.
Even that had been for show.
But now the doors to the Great Hall were opening, and I turned with the rest of the crowd to watch the Champions come in.
My mouth dropped open.
Raylynx strode out, by herself.
And then, suddenly, it all came back to me in a flash.
"You haven't asked Zayne yet, have you? Aren't you planning to go with him?"
"No, I'm already going with Buddy."
No…buddy. Nobody?
"Raylynx. Kingsley," I said through gritted teeth. "Your puns are terrible."
All around me, whispers and comments erupted.
"Merlin, look at the Hogwarts Champion!"
"She couldn't find anybody to go with her, I suppose."
"She's such an embarrassment to our school…"
But Raylynx kept her eyes straight ahead and walked (maybe not gracefully, but with grace) to the center of the dance floor.
The whispering picked up and people unashamedly pointed at her when nobody joined her.
But then, a figure in all black from the very back of the crowd opposite of me started and began to move, winding his way up the crowd.
And he came out, looking as usual, roguishly handsome and approached Raylynx from behind.
"Sorry I'm late," Sirius Black said loudly.
Raylynx turned and I could see her freeze, but only because I knew her so well. She probably hadn't expected it to be him, seeing as they had no sort of relationship.
But then my eyes left them and I searched for Marlene in the crowd, hoping beyond hope that she wasn't seeing this.
But of course she had. I spotted her in the crowd opposite of me. I quickly made my way through to her and tapped her on the shoulder.
Upon seeing me, Marlene gave me a wry smile. "Did you come to check up on me?"
"Yes," I said unashamedly.
"Thanks, Lily love," Marlene said and gave me a soft pat on the head. "But you don't have to worry. That doesn't hurt me."
And she truly did seem unaffected.
"Why not?" I couldn't help but ask. Does she not like him anymore?
"Because he's doing it out of pity, not love," she replied quietly, and she turned away to her Letra Damien friend.
Later, I spotted Raylynx sitting by herself at the refreshments table and I wondered if I should go to her now and tell her about how much I hated James Potter.
But then, I hesitated.
Raylynx had never, not throughout the seven years I had known her, once expressed her desire for a boy. I'd never heard her fawn over anyone and I'd never suspected her to be in love with anyone.
Except once, when she had made that outburst about how I'd treated James. But she had made it clear that she was no more than friends than James.
So now I wondered- has she ever felt for anybody? She must have? But who?
But then my mind was distracted as I heard Lorraine's laugh and James' amused chuckle.
He was smiling down at her with such warmth and when his mouth moved, for the first time, I thought of what pleasant things he might be saying to her, rather than the rude, obnoxious words he had always said to me.
Except for that one time, when he had said to me, "Yeah! I messed up a couple times, I know that, all right? But just because that might embarrass you doesn't mean I do it to embarrass you! Have you ever considered that I'm more than nervous to confess to you- to ask you out? Or do you just always take it for granted that I'm going to ask you out? I did it because I seriously liked you- or at least, the girl I thought you were."
Then, was she the girl he always thought I was?
I stared at her, at her flawless physique and beautiful blonde hair, but more than that, at her bright eyes and soft smile. I suddenly felt embarrassed- did he think I was beautiful at some point, then? Had he ever been in love with my smile or seen galaxies in my eyes?
I suddenly felt empty, hollow. When I lost arrogant and immature James Potter, what exactly did I lose?
