Lily's POV

I finally admitted that it was bothering me: James Potter, so intimately involved with another girl, bothered me. So then, I tried to distract myself. Only none of the old stuff worked; I read Pride & Prejudice and Wuthering Heights. I read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. But I just couldn't get lost in them. Instead, I kept hearing James' voice in my head:

"Just because I might embarrass you doesn't mean I do it with the intent of embarrassing you! Have you ever considered that I'm more than nervous to confess to you- to ask you out? Or do you just always take it for granted that I'm going to ask you out?"

I slammed shut my copy of The Story of King Arthur and His Knights. This was getting me nowhere. Instead, as I was perched atop our window seat, I looked out the frosted window down into the glittering white grounds below.

"Do you want to go to the Letra Damien's New Year's party with me? It ought to be fun," Marlene said as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror.

"No, I don't think so," I replied, watching Sirius tackle James to the ground in the midst of a snowball fight.

Marlene put down her brush and came over to me. "Lily, what's wrong? You've not been yourself for these past days. Tell me what's bothering you."

I shook my head stubbornly.

"Lily, you're not going to make me guess, are you?" Marlene said threateningly.

I didn't say anything.

"Fine. James Potter."

I blinked in surprise.

"Lily," Marlene said in an unexpectedly soft voice. "It's not him who's changed. It's you."

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated before she said, "Remember when… when Raylynx yelled at you to give James some credit? Well, I think you're giving it to him now because- It's just a thought so don't be angry with me, Lily- but I think your loyalty to Snape always made you quick to dislike James. You never really hated him, though, as a person. In fact, I think you rather admired him for his courage and quick wit. You were impressed by how he stood up for his friends whenever they were bullied, but you never allowed yourself to say it, never allowed yourself to accept it except as a fleeting thought. But now that you've broken ties with Snape, you've started to see him for the person he is… for what he might mean to you person-to-person without any of the stupid House prejudices in the way…"

"He means nothing to me. He's always meant nothing to me," I retorted.

She shrugged. "Maybe you and him were a nothingness, but you two were certainly shot with gleams of what might be."

And then she left me alone to my very confused thoughts.

Beneath me, a rambunctious party began in the Gryffindor common room. As Head Girl, I knew I should be down there, monitoring.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

For once, Lily the person, Lily the human being, was desperately shouting over Lily the responsible "little miss perfect".

And I had to listen to her, to my heart.


James' POV

It was looking to be the best party of the year. The initial tensions between the three schools slowly dissipated with the alcohol intake.

I was sitting on the couch with my best mates, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and Lorraine and some of her friends were sitting on the couch opposite us.

It had been slightly awkward from my perspective because I could tell that Sirius and Remus were eyeing the same girl. Of course, Sirius's smoldering look was far more direct than Remus' hesitant glances, but I could read both their hearts equally.

I'd spoken to Moony about this before. "Just go for the girl, Moony. Padfoot's not going to care. He's got plenty of other pretty girls to distract himself with."

Moony shook his head. "There's no point, Prongs. Our affections might be the same, but hers is not. She will always prefer him. Always."

To resolve this awkwardness, I suggested we play a game of Wizarding Snap. I was hoping we'd all lose our eyebrows or something, so we could look stupid together.

It ended up being an intense game of Wizarding Snap. Somehow, somebody had proposed that shots of Firewhisky were required if you were in last place whenever the cards blew up. Somehow, we'd all agreed.

When the cards blew up again, singing Pete's eyebrows, I cursed. I'd just been about to move out of last place into third with the final set- I'd bet everything on my finishing moves.

"C'mon, drink it down!" Sirius said, handing me the shot.

I raised it as a sign of cheers to them and then lifted it to my lips when-

"Potter, what do you think you're doing?"

I didn't need to turn to recognize that voice burning with indignation or look to know that I'd be seeing her flaming red hair.

"I lost, so I'm taking a shot." I shrugged. "Rules are rules, right, Evans?"

Lorraine and Sirius laughed appreciatively.

"Can I speak to you?" Lily asked and her voice was shriller than a bat's.

"Uh, okay," I said, deciding I'd rather she not make a scene here and ruin the mood of the whole party.

She led outside the common room and into the hallway.

"Evans," I said exasperatedly. "I know I'm Head Boy but that doesn't mean I have to be a stickler for rules. A little Firewhiskey isn't going to hurt anybody. I've only taken two shots and-"

She cut me off, "James."

I stopped short.

She had called me James.

She never called me James.

It was always, "Potter, stop that. Potter, do this. Potter, what do you think you're doing? Potter, go away."

But James.

Damn, she looked so pretty saying my name like that-

No! No, I am not putting myself through this again.

"What is it you want?" I asked, and I tried not to wince at how mean I sounded.

"I want an explanation," she said stoutly.

What?

"Er- for what?"

All this for a couple of shots?

"I've only had a couple shots, you know. I'm not some alcoholic drinking away his depression, so I don't need you as suppor-"

"I want an explanation for why you… why you hate me…now," her cheeks flushed, but she held her ground.

Hated her? When had I ever hated her?

"Evans, listen. I don't owe anybody anything. It's not because I hate you."

It's because I'm trying to keep you off my stupid mind.

"You do owe me an explanation," she said, pretending like her bright red blush didn't exist. "Because I gave you an explanation for why I hated you when I did."

"Yeah, well, you definitely did that of your own accord," I recalled her screaming at me multiple times throughout the past few years. "You did that mostly to vent your own feelings, not to satisfy any rational curiosity I had. Because face it, I never had any rational curiosity about you-"

I cut off rather quickly before my mouth could give me away by saying, "I only felt for you. Passionately. Ardently."

"Yes, it definitely wasn't rational," Lily said, her old irritation coming back.

Frustration built up inside up. Since when was liking someone rational? That claim is what is irrational here, not me.

I turned to leave, not wanting to slip back into the old habit of arguing with her all the time.

But she was suddenly right in front of me, scowling angrily, and I swear the image would have been less harsh if she'd just pointed her wand straight at me instead.

My frustration, egged on my confusion, was starting to get the better of me. "Evans, you're always hated my guts. You are not the first person I think of when I run through the list of people that care about me enough that I feel I owe them an explanation for my behavior."

She looked for a second as though I had punched her in the face, and in that briefest moment of vulnerability, I thought I saw a glimpse of the Lily Evans I had always thought she was, the Lily Evans I had so cherished and adored.

But then her icy self was back and she demanded, "But I'm asking for an explanation anyways."

"Why?" I blurted out, starting to feel seriously angry, "What does it matter to you?"

She was silent.

I was losing my battle against my temper. I felt it rise from my heart into my brain. It formed words in me that I spat out at her, "Lily, have you ever thought about how selfish you are? You demand this and that from everybody, and yet you give up nothing."

"Well, you should have thought about that and avoided me, rather than pretend to love me!" she said, her voice rising to a shout at the end.

Her vivid green eyes shone brightly in her anger and then she turned around and left me, and even the Fat Lady didn't dare to ask her for the password, but let her in.

I stood there like an idiot. My mind blank.

I could think of one thing- her eyes were shining.

She was crying.

Holy shit, I was a bastard. I'd made her cry.

But why? What was so important to her that she would cry?

What was she so afraid of?

And then it clicked.

After years, it clicked.

All these years she had been terrified, terrified to reciprocate a love that was not genuine.

That ice sculpture Lily Evans whom I had finally written off as cruel and untouchable was actually the gentle girl I'd always been in love with. And she had finally come to me to reveal herself, to show her true beauty, in all it's vulnerabilities… And I had just let her go…

Something clunked into place in my mind, made it numb with all but action.

I entered the common room again, but this time, everything looked different. Everybody was but a faceless crowd because nobody mattered to me except for that one-

And I spotted her, standing across the fireplace, looking irritated as she was being chatted up by some bloke from Letra Damien.

I don't know what possessed me, but there was a crazy sort-of adrenaline pumping in my heart and I knew I only had twenty seconds to use this insane bravery I'd been gifted with.

"Excuse me," I said to the random boy. Without waiting, I shouldered my way in-between them.

And then I kissed her.

I gently held her delicate face between my hands and I kissed her.

And for once (ladies and gentleman, please prepare for uproarious applause)- she didn't smack me and scream "Potter!"

Instead, to my surprise, I felt a teardrop. I broke apart from her to see that her lashes were wet and there was a teardrop streaking down her lovely face.

"James," she half-whispered, half-choked out.

And this time, I could tell myself, "She's so god damn pretty when she says my name like that."

"What, Lilykins?" I said, smiling. "Is it that bad to like me?"

I gently reached out to brush away another tear falling from her lash.

Lily half-grimaced and half-smiled as she replied, "You have no idea."

Suddenly, it occurred to me that people had begun pointing and whispering at us. I had no problem with this, as I wanted Lily to feel how incredibly beautiful and deserving of the spotlight she was. But I quietly led her away towards the window.

"Lily?"

"Mm?"

"No theatrics, no grand gestures, no nothing this time. Just...Just you and me." My mouth went slightly dry but I carried on. "Will you please go on a date with me?"

Lily looked at me and as I had been staring at her rather nervously, our eyes locked. For some strange reason, even though I'd asked her a hundred times, this time felt different. This time was more nerve-wracking than ever. Because this time she was listening.

And she heard me, really heard me and not just the words, for the first time ever.

And she replied, "Yes."