Raylynx's POV
The saying is true: that more you want something, the less it comes to you. When you don't care for it at all, you get it. After the Task, all I wanted to do was spend time with Jamie.
He was recovering steadily, though the recovery process alone sapped him of all energy; most days he could only manage to stay awake for eight hours. His memory remained mostly intact, except he hardly remembered our childhood spent together, which were, of course, some of my earliest and fondest memories. But I could hardly say that to his face, not when he was struggling so hard and so bravely. The truth that Mom and Dad had passed away was something he was constantly grappling with. And I knew- that though Jamie was back, he was broken, and he would never be as wholesome and carefree and passionate as he once been. But it only made me love him that much more. I wanted to be with him and share as much of his hardships as I could.
But now, after completing the Second Task, people insisted on giving me recognition. Complete strangers from all three schools paid me compliments and congratulated me in the halls. Some asked for high-fives, some asked for handshakes. I would have been so delighted to receive this kind-of attention after the First Task. But now, what was it to me? What significance could it possibly hold? Had they all continued treating me like dirt, I would have scarcely noticed.
I tried to go through the motions of it, thanking people for their support, shaking their hands, and at Lily's urging, I even accepted an invitation to one of Slughorn's parties in two weeks' time. But I was generally at St. Mungo's unless I was in class, and during those daytime hours Sola was there besides him. She had braved the magical world and come by broomstick the first time she had heard about it. Apparently, Chris, her old friend, now a Healer at St. Mungo's, had come to contact her about Jamie. But now she used the visitor's entrance and kept her head down as she quickly passed the Wizengamot courts and departments.
I'd finished Potions and came into Jamie's ward at St. Mungo's just in time to see my sister rush out past me, looking more upset than I'd seen her in a long time.
I debated whether or not to go after her, but decided to ask Jamie instead.
"What happened? Are you all right?"
"Yes, I just- I shouldn't have reacted like that."
"Like what?"
"I shouted at her. I told her she wasn't living her life, she was wasting it."
"She told you about her lifestyle," I realized. "That she's renounced magic and lives as a Muggle."
Jamie looked at me and his eyes reflected the real, raw pain that crushed him inside as he asked me, "Why? Ray, I know the world was going to a darker place. I knew that a Muggle-born was becoming a dangerous thing to be. I knew that and your sister and I worked hard to protect you and our parents from that terrible truth. But tell me. How far has it gotten?"
His question made me shiver. How could I tell him about the Muggle slaughterings or disappearances in the newspaper almost every day? Though the Daily Prophet no longer printed these stories, for fear of a revolt against the Ministry of Magic, other magazines and papers printed them and word spread through rumors and the atmosphere in the air, if one cared to listen, was unbearably heavy.
But it was now my turn to protect my brother and my sister.
"I can't say for certain, Jamie," I said, "but we're trying our best. And we've got Dumbledore, after all."
"Dumbledore?"
Jamie and I both turned round to see the Healer who had so kindly taken care of Jamie these past couple years and who had sat beside me as Jamie woke up. He had flaming red ginger hair and his name was Lancelot Weasley. He was at least middle-aged but was a noble mixture of sharp wit and kindness. Jamie, Sola, and I had all grown quite fond of him over the past few weeks.
"Albus Dumbledore? Is that who you were referring to?" Lancelot said questioningly, looking at me.
I nodded.
"You… don't want to be putting too much trust in him," Lancelot said, shaking his head.
I was utterly confused. I had never heard anyone talk about Dumbledore with anything less than the highest respect and admiration. And to hear those words from this man, whom I had grown to trust and respect…
"How d'you mean?" I asked, but Lancelot shook his head again and answered, "It's not my right to speak about his family secrets, but I just don't want you putting all your trust in him. Never forget, intelligent, ambitious people are concerned more with what goes on in their brain than their hearts. Their thirst to prove themselves as genius often overcomes their hunger for what is morally right. Always remember, that's the frailty of genius. It needs an audience."
And then he left us.
"I'm sorry," Jamie said quietly. "I'm so sorry for having been a burden to you for so long. I'm sorry to have failed in protecting you and Sola and Mum and Dad. They must have died in such terror, not understanding what was happening to them, only knowing that that was the world their children would have to live in."
Tears were dripping down his face.
"I know- I know that as the oldest brother, I was supposed to-"
He choked and words wouldn't come anymore.
I swallowed hard. I'd already promised myself I wouldn't shed a single tear in front of him. I was going to hold onto that promise even if it killed me.
I returned to the Gryffindor common room late that day, numb from all the emotions I wasn't allowing myself to feel. I was drowning on the inside because of all the tears I kept swallowing back.
"Caput Draconis," I said to the Fat Lady, and she admitted me into the Gryffindor common room.
Now that Lily and James were together and Marlene and I had made up, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, and I found ourselves spending much more time with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Though I, of course, had not been spending much time with anybody outside of my brother for the past couple weeks.
I watched for a moment as James warmly slipped an arm around Lily's shoulders and she laid her head on his arm. Peter was saying something to the group. Dorcas replied and everybody laughed. With a slight jolt, I saw that Marlene and Sirius were sitting together on a loveseat. There was no physical contact between the two of them, but both seemed pleased to be near each other again.
And I remembered how Sirius had never really gotten over her.
I studied Marlene for a short while; her fierce heart shone through her beautiful brown eyes and her wild, almost reckless bravery and individuality shimmered in her long brown tresses and glowing tan skin. She was beautiful, yes, but not merely "pretty" like many girls were apt to be- she was like Sirius herself- attractive because what she was inside was so powerful that it illuminated her physical self.
She just looked so right with him, I thought, in a way that I could never, ever be.
But what does it matter? I thought, and I suddenly sensed that my place was not with them. That, ultimately, because of the part of my heart that was attached to my broken siblings and my dead parents, I would go down a path that they could not follow, could not understand…
And I knew then- I was different. Different not just in a simple way: less attractive, less talented, less whatever… but different… in the sense that my life led to a different pathway. I could see it now, clear as day. My time was them was somehow limited, I was only a stranger, pretending behind a mask here, but one day, that disguise would no longer serve and I would have to take a path away from them. A painful path, but a necessary one.
Upon seeing me, Alice called out to me, "Ray!"
Everybody turned towards me.
"Come join us," Lily called out and lifted her arms towards me.
I walked over to them and embraced Lily before settling down on her other side.
"Did you hear? We were just talking about how Kingsley Shacklebolt, that Ravenclaw boy who graduated last year and is on the Wizengamot now moved against Dolores Umbridge's decree against werewolves and contested her restrictions on Muggle-borns."
"Maybe it won't come to a war, after all," Alice said optimistically.
But in my mind's eye, I could see what this would come to. Kingsley would somehow be demoted, possibly even attacked, like my sister, for his rash actions. He was criticizing an institution that was already set in its ways, an institution whose leaders would not hesitate to fight back. But I said nothing. I couldn't say anything against everybody's hopeful faces, especially Lupin's, Alice's, and Lily's. But I could tell that James looked thoughtful and Sirius, downright skeptical.
"Were you with your brother?" Marlene addressed me.
"Yes."
"And have you had dinner?"
I shook my head. "I didn't have time."
"You forgot, you mean," Lily said sternly. "You know, you have to take care of yourself, too. Or else you can't be of help to anybody."
I wanted to brush off her concern, but I knew she was right. I was exhausted and I was hungry, only I was ignoring it. But it was true that if I were to fall sick, I couldn't support Jamie as well.
I got up to my feet and said, "All right, I'm heading down to the kitchens. Does anybody want anything?"
Everybody was silent, shrugging and shaking their hands, but then-
"Moony wants chocolate, I can tell," Sirius said, at the exact same time Remus said, "Perhaps some chocolate?"
Sirius smirked as everybody laughed.
"Know what's the coin with greatest value in Moony's eyes?" James said.
"The Galleon!" Peter replied without thinking.
"No, you dope," James answered, prodding Peter playfully. "The chocolate coin. C'mon, that one was obvious, Pete."
"Okay, chocolate," I confirmed, and then left the common room again. It wasn't quite curfew yet, so I figured a quick dip down to the kitchens and back wouldn't be any trouble.
As I left, I heard James shout out, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not jump to any conclusions here" to which Lily replied, "I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were."
Well, I was halfway right. Getting down to the kitchens was trouble-free. When I asked them for some soup, they insisted I sit and eat as soup was "only delectable when just heated from the stove". Afterwards, I thanked them and asked them if they happened to have any chocolate lying around. As it turned out, the elves had loads and were all too happy to shove small fistfuls of them into my overflowing arms.
"Okay, okay, that's quite enough, thanks."
Laughing a little, I stumbled out of the kitchens with these chocolates and started to make my way back up to Gryffindor Tower. I avoided Filch on the third floor and made my way up to the fourth, then the fifth-
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
With a feeling of dread, I turned on the spot.
There was the entire group of Slytherins I had seen exiting the Room of Requirement the day before the Task. Most likely they were sneaking their way back down. In front, closest to me, was Jugson, Travers, Yaxley, and Crouch.
"You all by yourself, Champion?" Crouch taunted as I slowly backed away.
My lack of response answered his question. He laughed and stepped forward from the group. I instantly dropped all the chocolates and put my hand on my wand, though not drawing it out. I knew the instant wands were out, this was a lost cause for me.
I backed away all the way unto the end of the hallway- then I hit my dead end at the stone wall, completely cornered.
Crouch smirked and in one swift move grabbed my chin with his hand. He forced me to look at him and laughed cruelly at the hatred in my eyes. His tongue flickered out. It was disgusting.
"Get your hands off me," I managed to spit out at him. My hand was twitching. No matter what the consequence, I couldn't stand having this disgusting bastard touch me for any longer.
"You can keep looking at me like that, but it won't change a thing. In the end, you Mudbloods always lose," he sneered and then he leaned forward and I felt his revolting tongue flick against my neck.
I drew my wand and shouted, "Everte Statum!"
Crouch was blasted backwards, straight into the crowd of Slytherins, knocking down Jugson, Travers, and Yaxley. The rest of the Slytherins turned, aware of an intruder.
"What the hell is going on!?" a voice said loudly and then the crowd parted as Regulus, Audrey, and Snape came forth to see what had happened.
Regulus fell silent when he saw me there, tightly gripping my wand. Crouch was back up and snarling loudly.
"What did you do to her, Crouch?" Regulus said in a quiet voice.
Crouch grinned vilely and that hideous smile said it all.
Regulus' quiet voice was blazing as he told Crouch, "You're disgusting for even touching her. She's a Mudblood. Her blood is filthy."
The words rang sharp in my ears, tinged my "filthy" blood with insurmountable anger. I stared at Regulus with fierce, challenging eyes, but Regulus' were downcast, looking at the ground beneath me. Audrey looked at me with worry; he fidgeted uncomfortably. Besides him, Snape looked at me with as flat an expression as ever.
"Regulus, do me a favor then and make her a little less tempting then, eh?" Crouch said, and he slung an arm around Regulus' shoulder.
"Less tempting?" Regulus said, still that quiet, suppressed voice. "How can you make her any less tempting than what she already is?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe if you were to make her suffer a bit. Squirm like an insect. Then I wouldn't think her so tempting," Crouch said, leering at me.
"Crouch, get your hand off my shoulder," Regulus said and even Crouch could see that a raging fire was barely being kept back inside of him.
Crouch hesitated, then laughed and removed his arm. "All right. All right. But how about that request, huh? Otherwise the next time I see her alone, I might not be able to… resist."
His black eyes landed on me again. I raised my wand instinctively, but I was unsure of what to do- if I moved against Crouch, what position would Regulus be forced into?
"What is it, Mudblood? Not magical enough to cast a simple hex?" Crouch taunted. He chuckled again, and his tongue flickered out like a snake.
My eyes moved to Regulus for guidance and therein lay my mistake.
Crouch's eyes flashed. "Oh. I see."
Regulus stiffened.
Crouch leaned in close to Regulus' arm and whispered menacingly, "This Mudblood is special to you."
Murmurs sounded from the group of Slytherins behind them. Even Snape looked mildly surprised. Audrey mouthed to me, "Run." But there was nowhere to run to.
Regulus gritted his teeth. "You would accuse me of having any kind-of relationship with the lowest kind of filth? Watch what you say or I'll cut your tongue out."
But Crouch grinned, no longer afraid. "Prove it to me then."
Regulus looked for a moment as though he was going to curse Crouch but instead, with a rigid, infallible control, he turned his wand onto me.
The hatred in his face as he pointed his wand at me without hesitation was enough to make me wonder if he had ever known me, or I him.
His hard silver eyes finally met mine and I could see nothing familiar in those eyes; not even a trace of kindness or warmth. It was like all the time I had ever spent with him was just imaginary. They had never happened. He had never loved me. Love was impossible for someone like him. His eyes were a barren wasteland occupied only by ghosts.
"Go on," Crouch hissed.
"Use what we practiced tonight!" somebody else called out and there was a general appreciative sniggering.
Audrey was looking at me with terrified eyes.
"Come on, hurry up, curse the Mudblood Champion," somebody leered and everybody laughed.
Something very much like resolution solidified in Regulus' eyes.
I knew what was coming.
Despite myself, I heard myself beg in fear, "No, plea-
"Crucio!"
"AHH-!"
"Silencio!" Crouch flicked his wand at me and I found myself mute.
I screamed silently nonetheless and thrashed against the ground, unable to rid myself of this pain, this white-hot flame raking sharp knives across every inch of my skin. I felt it pierce every atom of me, and flame cut into my veins and inserted the most suffocating, hot fire into my very blood.
I gripped at the floor and panted soundlessly for a half-second then took to screaming soundlessly again.
"All right, all right, stop," Crouch's voice drawled. The voice seemed to sound from a million years away.
The pain continued. I convulsed against the ground and gagged on my own silent scream.
I am going to lose my mind.
"I said to stop," Crouch ordered again, and this time his voice sounded doubtful.
"Regulus!" Audrey grabbed Regulus' wrist and shoved his wand aside. "Are you mad? You'll get yourself locked up in Azkaban for this!"
The pain stopped.
I immediately fell limp.
"Somebody might have heard her scream," one of the Slytherins said uneasily.
"We better move!"
Footsteps sounded like they were underwater. A few moments later, I knew I was completely alone. I felt so utterly cold. I felt cold enough to be a corpse.
My eyelids were too heavy to lift. I lay there on the floor, breathing heavily, trying to get enough chill air in my system to chase out the fire.
It was a miracle I wasn't caught by McGonagall, but just as I thought that I heard footsteps round the corridor.
"Ray? Raylynx?"
Warm, gentle hands met my shoulders and helped to slowly hoist me up into a sitting position.
I blearily opened my eyes.
"Zayne?" I whispered.
"Yeah, it's me. The Gray Lady sent for me."
"Gray Lady…?"
"Yes. Come on. Let's get you on your feet."
He helped me to my feet and standing there, I could see in my mind's eyes what had just happened.
If I squinted hard enough, the moonlight flooding the corridor shaped itself into Regulus' form. His ghostly wand was pointed straight at me.
"Crucio!" I shut my eyes.
"Are these chocolates yours?" Zayne asked me.
"What? Oh, yeah, they are," I said, breaking my gaze away from the ghostlike image of Regulus in front of me.
I'm going mad.
I knelt down and began to pick up the chocolates scattered on the ground, counting them to keep my mind occupied.
One, two, three, four…
Zayne helped me back up to Gryffindor common room. He started to go back, but I weakly grabbed his arm.
"What if you're caught?" I asked him. "You'll get in trouble. It's way past curfew." My breath gave out at the end. I was still trembling slightly.
He shook his head. "I'll be fine. The Gray Lady and Fat Friar will help me."
Then he shivered. "Your hand is freezing cold, Ray. Get inside, get warm, and go to sleep."
"You're not going to ask me what happened?"
His eyes tightened. "I think I already know what happened. I've seen you like this before."
The Fat Lady's irritated voice brought into our conversation. "And I'll just hang open like this while you finish your conversation, shall I?"
"What took you so long? It's literally been over an hour." Sirius asked me when I rejoined the circle. They were still talking amongst themselves and Peter, Dorcas, Marlene, and Alice had begun a game of Exploding Snap in the middle on the rug.
"I… got caught up," I answered, not daring to look at him. Why did they have to look so alike?
"Were you speaking to someone at the door?" Dorcas asked me curiously. "I thought I heard voices."
"Yeah, something like that. Um, here are your chocolates," I said half-heartedly to Remus.
He thanked me quietly. But when our hands touched as he received the chocolates, he looked up at me, startled.
"Your hands are freezing, Raylynx. Were you out in the hallways?"
"I-yes. Yes, I was."
"You're acting strange," Lily said, sliding out from James' arm to come rest her hand on my forehead. "Are you sick?"
"I might be coming down with a cold," I told her. "I think I'm going to head upstairs and call it a night."
"Okay…" Lily said, her eyebrows furrowed as she studied me. Clearly, I needed to practice my lying. But I didn't have the energy to care.
I headed upstairs and took a shower in which I furiously rubbed at my neck and then fell on top of my bed; hair still wet.
I remembered Regulus asking me that snowy day: "How can I help you not to be afraid of me?"
You can't.
Not anymore.
Sirius' POV
I had never understood Raylynx. I had never cared to.
But I know what someone looks like when they've been tortured.
I had been in that position far too often to care much for it.
But as soon the fire threw light on her ashen, pale face as her trembling hand held out chocolates for Moony, I knew.
What it meant, why it happened, who did it, I didn't know. I didn't particularly care to know. Raylynx's life was separate from mine; she was different in a strange, unattractive way.
But I knew that she had been tortured.
I just knew.
Raylynx's POV
I had a weekend to recover my nerves. I don't think a weekend was enough. I don't think a lifetime is enough.
Regardless, I walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts as though nothing had happened and sat down besides Dorcas.
Professor Maudrick walked in and we all started; some students gasped.
He had a bad limp and a large bandage wrapped around his hand, which from the lumpy texture under his robes, looked as though it extended all the way to his arm and possibly his shoulder.
"What's happened to him?" people were wondering to one another.
"Today," Professor Maudrick began quite suddenly, and everybody shut up at once, "Today I'd like to speak with you, all of you, about intentions. Magic, what is magic? Witches and wizards use magic, we live in a magical world, we are taught magic… But what really moves magic, what gives magic its magic, per say, is intention. Remember that. Intention changes magic. The most powerful magic is created without a wand. So before you succumb to fear, to the easy way out, because somebody points a wand at you and threatens to kill you, you remember where magic really comes from. Intention- from your heart. Take this hour, this hour where I am supposed to be teaching you 'magic' and go think about why you are learning magic, and if you really do the privilege of learning magic justice. Answer to yourself as to whether you use magic for creation, light, in the name of love, and if you truly understand that dropping your wand can be more powerful than using it or if you're merely using magic for destruction, hatred, your own selfish, filthy, and disgusting ambition. That is your homework. Class dismissed. "
We were all too taken by surprise to move and then slowly, somebody in the back began to walk out and people began to rise and follow.
I stayed in my seat.
"You coming?" Dorcas asked me.
"In a bit," I answered. She nodded and left.
When everybody had gone, I slowly approached Professor Maudrick, who was sitting on the teacher's desk with his back to me.
"Professor…?" I said hesitatingly, stopping a few desks short of him.
He turned and upon seeing me there, wary and frightened, he gave me a half-hearted smile."I'm sorry. Did I frighten you?"
I deliberated lying and saying no, but ended up nodding. I couldn't lie to him, not to Professor Maudrick.
"Come here," he said in a very gentle tone and he beckoned to me. I came up to him.
He looked hard at me, searching into my eyes.
"Raylynx, there will be times when you want to give up. There will be times when you don't remember what happiness is. I know you've experienced some of these already. And you will think the solution lies in intelligence and power. But remember this- trust your instinct. Trust your heart. If you don't believe, don't do it. If you have a place you feel you must be, you go there, no matter what."
I stared at him, confused. He finally truly smiled at my confused expression. He leaned out and ruffled my hair. "It's all right, Raylynx. You don't have to understand all at once. In fact, I'd prefer if you didn't."
He then stood up and began to leave.
Suddenly, I called out, "Professor!"
He stopped and turned back to look at me.
It was not my place to ask and yet, I had to know how he would answer. "Do you think that being a Slytherin is no worse than being a Gryffindor?"
He stood there in silence for a full minute before he answered, "No. If you believe that, you'll only die sooner."
In my next class, Audrey immediately scribbled onto my parchment: Raylynx, are you all right?
Instead of replying, I slowly shoved my parchment away from me and when the hour was up, I left without speaking to him.
