Raylynx's POV
Emmeline had asked me to send a message to Caradoc regarding the night watches. I'd complied because Emmeline was a dear friend, but I did so reluctantly because I was definitely not on the best terms with Caradoc Dearborn.
I slowly raised a hand and knocked on his door.
A shield slowly expanded over the door and I knew I was supposed to state the password.
"Evergreen," I stated.
There was a pause, then suddenly the shield expanded, throwing me out.
I was hurled into the air and fell into a snowy field houses away.
Ow! What is going on? I picked myself up on the ground, brushing snow off of my cloak.
But that's the password I was given. I hesitated, and my eyes narrowed. Caradoc must have changed his password without telling me, under Dumbledore's orders.
My eyes narrowed.
That night, I sat on the front porch of my empty house, thinking to myself.
Since this wasn't an Order hideout anymore, all of the enchanted barriers were down, and I could see the stars clearly.
If it's already like this for me, there definitely won't be a spot for Remus, even if he does come back soon.
Come back. Remus, when are you coming back?
I dropped off to sleep without realizing it.
My eyes fluttered open.
I sat up in a daze.
I was sure I'd heard a loud popping sound somewhere. Wasn't that what had woken me up?
I looked down at the empty street. Empty? No, it wasn't empty. There was a staggering figure at the very end. It was a person!
I jumped to my feet and began sprinting down the long street.
I was about halfway down the road when the person tripped slightly, but I reached out with my arms and managed to catch him. His hands grasped my arms.
"Remus," I breathed out in utter relief and joy, trying to catch my breath.
"Raylynx?" Remus' voice was haggard, and his breathing was labored.
"Remus?" I said, worry beginning to filter in my voice. I had just started to realize how hot his skin was. His hands were practically burning through my sweater fabric. And that, on his neck- were those fang marks-?
"Raylynx, it's you, right?"
I frowned. In the moonlight, I could see on his face, which was grimy with dirt, the sweat on his brows and a deep gash on his cheek.
"Yes, it's me, Raylynx."
"I made it back. Thank Merlin," Remus managed to say. Then his grip on my arm went limp and he fell unconscious.
"Remus!"
I stumbled into the house holding Remus up. Even though Remus was quite thin and haggard, my arms were burning with the effort of holding him up. But I couldn't randomly conjure a stretcher in the middle of a Muggle street.
I fumbled with the light and finally managed to set him down on the bed in my bedroom, the bed closest to the front door.
Remus' condition was bad. He wasn't gushing blood, but for that, his condition was worse. His wounds were old, layered, and clearly infected. His burning fever was testimony to that.
I rushed to create the Purifying Potions necessary for his wounds. Purifying Potions were tricky enough, but the amount and intensity Remus needed was high.
I also began to trim and cut some herbs for blood and vitamin replenishment.
I brewed tea and rummaged around until I could find the leftover painkillers Sirius had given me.
Speaking of Sirius, I should let the others know.
But first I had to heal Remus as much as I was capable of.
I waved my wand so that all the Potions and herbs set themselves on a tray and levitated the tray so that it hovered just besides Remus. I also brought a bowl of water, a towel, and lots of bandages.
I gently unbuttoned Remus' shirt and winced when I saw three long gashes, clearly in need of Dittany.
But I knew there wasn't enough Dittany leftover, because we had used some on my hand last time.
See, Remus? This is why I didn't want to use the Dittany. What do you think hurts me more: a gash on my hand or being unable to help you?
I focused and began my work on Remus' wounds.
Two long hours of blood and bandages later, Remus' breathing had softened, though he whimpered sometimes. I couldn't tell if his whimpers were from the physical pain or from whatever nightmare seemed to be going on in his head. Sometimes he'd tense and hold his breath as though he were resisting some internal torment.
I gently washed his face and then tried to tip some of the now cool tea into his mouth. He moaned and turned away and it was a while before I finally got him to swallow some of tea. I Summoned the last bottle of Dreamless Potion I had and administered some of that as well. Eventually, he started to relax a little.
I let out a deep sigh- whether of relief or regret, I'm not sure.
I dragged blankets over him before cleaning up. Then, I sent Patronuses to Lily and James, Sirius, Peter, and last but not least, to Dumbledore.
With that, I sat besides Remus and leaned forward so that my elbows were on the bed besides Remus. My chin sank into my arms and my eyes slowly closed as I nodded off to sleep once more.
"Hey, Lynx." A soft whisper at my ear... Then, warm hands shook me awake.
I blearily looked up, sleepily shifting into an upright position.
"Sirius?"
"Yeah. James is here, too."
"How's Remus?" I asked, my voice layered with tiredness. It must have taken more energy than I realized to heal Remus.
"Sleeping peacefully," James murmured, kneeling down next to me and Sirius. "You did well, Ray," James reached out and laid a hand on my head.
"His bandages," I said tiredly, "they need changing."
"We did that already," James told me. "He's all right, I promise."
"I'll watch over Remus for a bit," Sirius volunteered. "Ray, you should wash up and take a proper nap somewhere. James, why don't you make some breakfast?"
"Oh, wait," Sirius frowned. "You suck at cooking."
"Never had to do it, mate," James said, though he looked slightly embarrassed.
"Never mind, I'll do it," Sirius said.
Remus shifted slightly and we all stopped talking immediately.
James looked after Remus while I headed for the shower and Sirius went to the kitchen.
Refreshed from the shower and in a new change of clothes, I entered the kitchen to the smell of frying eggs and bacon.
"Here." Sirius put eggs on toast and slid some slices of bacon onto a plate before handing them to me.
"Thanks," I said, immediately feeling a bit better with the homely scent of breakfast wafting into my nose.
"I should take this to James first," I started to turn, but Sirius stopped me. "I already gave him his plate. Just sit and eat yours. You look like you're about to fall over."
"I'm fine," I said.
Sirius sighed. "Why can't you ever just say thank you and do as I say? I'm only trying to watch out for you, you know."
"I don't want you to watch out for me," I heard myself say before I could stop myself. "I don't want you to help me just because I'm another Order member or another Gryffindor. That sort-of care is false, and I don't need it."
I can't accept indifference from you. I bit my lip. I thought I was over you, maybe I'm not.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yet again, another one of your sudden outbursts."
But if I really like you, I won't use you as an excuse to hide myself away or dislike myself. If I really like you, I'll show you the best of me, and that includes standing up for myself.
"It's not another one," I said quietly, but firmly. "It's the first one."
"First what?"
"I'm saying it's the first time I've told you how I really feel, you heartless bastard," I said, feeling an irrational anger build up inside of me.
"I'm a heartless bastard? What the hell did I do to you?" Sirius asked me, confused and starting to get a bit angry.
"It's the way you treat me, Sirius."
"How do I treat you?" he said, awfully sarcastically. He stepped towards me. I crossed my arms and stared straight into his eyes.
"You do whatever you want with me. You help me when you feel like it, sure, but then you could easily be ignoring me or hating me the next day-"
"-I've never hated you-"
"- I know you think I'm pathetic, you spent the last seven years making that clear-"
"-I didn't know you then-"
"- and you call me by my last name for longer than I call Remus by his, which incidentally, was only because I felt guilty about knowing that he was a-"
"- Don't say it, he might wake up-"
"-And you think, somehow, I want your help?"
We were practically touching, nose to nose, or rather nose to chest, because he was so much taller than me.
We glared at each other, irritated endlessly by each other's presence.
Suddenly, James voice rang out. He was coming towards the kitchen.
Immediately, Sirius went back to the stove and I sat at the table in front of my plate.
"You did a good job, Ray," James said, setting some potions bottles on the counter. "I didn't need to use most of them."
He sat down next to me.
"What's wrong? Are you tired?" he asked me.
"Yeah, it's just that Healing Charms aren't really my thing, especially Fiber Strengthening and Blood Purification Charms. But if your spell-casting isn't solid enough to conjure from magical roots, it tends to drain from your own energy instead. I had to use some magic I'm not skilled at with Remus last night, especially because there wasn't enough Dittany. It must have drained me a little more than I thought. But I'll be fine," I finished quickly. "Nothing a good sleep can't cure."
I changed the topic and asked, "Where's Peter? What about Lily?"
"Lily's reporting to Dumbledore about Remus," James said.
"She is? Why?" My brow furrowed. "I sent a Patronus to Dumbledore myself."
"What? You did?" James looked surprised.
"Yes, of course I did. How could I not let Dumbledore know?" I said, confused.
"But…" James hesitated, and then he shook his head. "It's not important. Maybe you were too sleepy and your Patronus didn't make it all the way to Hogwarts."
I was about to protest that I was perfectly capable of sending a Patronus to Hogwarts whether sleepy, inebriated, or whatnot, but James' next words made my voice die in my throat.
"Pete's in the middle of a mission with the Prewitt brothers. They're looking for Caradoc Dearborn."
"Caradoc? Looking for him?" The toast suddenly seemed to stick to my throat.
James shifted uncomfortably as he responded, "Caradoc's disappeared. He's missing. Since five days ago."
I suddenly felt sick. That day when I had gone to Cardoc's, I had just assumed that he had changed his password and decided not to tell me. I'd cursed at him in my head and felt offended. But what if... what if he had already been taken by then? Had my dislike of Caradoc cost him his life? My throat tightened.
James and Sirius both left for their separate shifts around early afternoon, promising they'd come back when their shifts ended around midnight.
I nodded and took up my seat next to the sleeping Remus.
I must have dozed off, because I felt myself wake suddenly to a loud shout.
I started and nearly fell off my seat.
But then I saw a pair of amber eyes just across from me.
"Remus, you're awake."
I slid off my chair and got onto my knees beside the bed.
"Raylynx?" His voice was awfully hoarse.
"Yes." The joy I felt at seeing his eyes immediately dimmed.
Something about Remus was off, utterly wrong.
I nearly shivered.
Remus' eyes seem to fill with tears, but he immediately shut them and turned away from me.
Say something, a voice in my head pushed. Say something so he knows he's home.
"Shall I get you breakfast?" My falsely cheerful voice sounded so empty.
Remus didn't react for a long time. Then, eyes still closed, he nodded a bit.
I got up from my knees and began to head towards the kitchen when a hard grip suddenly clasped onto my wrist and I was jerked back.
"Remus?" I said, staring down at his pale, bandaged hand gripping tightly onto my wrist.
Remus didn't say anything.
"Remus, what is it?" I said finally, unable to keep up the act any longer. "What's wrong?"
Remus slowly sat up, not making a sound even though it must have hurt like hell to move.
I tried to help him, sitting on the bed to help him upright.
He laid his head back on the bed frame and stared up at the ceiling with emotionless eyes.
I bit my lip, torn between speaking and asking and finally just keeping silent. In the time, it took me to think of what to ask, Remus finally spoke. But it was a question.
"Raylynx, how long was I gone for?"
"A long time. Weeks."
"Only weeks? It felt longer than that. A lot longer. But I guess that's what happens when you only ever see night."
"Only see night?"
"I haven't seen the sun rise since the day I left," Remus said, still not looking at me.
So that's what he's looking at. He's trying to take in the sunlight. As we spoke, the last rays of sunlight splashed onto the ceiling.
"You're back," I whispered. "You're back now. There's sun here."
"They're animals," Remus said curtly. "Nighttime is their realm and slaughter is their sport. But I couldn't do it. Even if it meant giving up my cover, I couldn't bite the little girl."
I held my breath as I listened to him, horrorstruck.
"So Fenrir attacked me."
"Fenrir?"
"Fenrir Greyback, the leader of the pack," Remus said and his voice emanated something very like hatred. I had never seen Remus in such a violent mood before.
Though I would never have admitted it in a million years, I was afraid of this Remus.
"You know, I used to pity the werewolf that bit me. I imagined he had no choice but to bite me and how he must have despised himself for having bit me. But Fenrir isn't like that," Remus said, and his voice dripped with anger and malice and resentment. "Every full moon, he positions himself closest to the child he wants to infect. He enjoys it, the screams, the flesh, the…"
It took me a moment to realize that a tear was dripping down Remus' face.
"I was created… by the will of a savage monster," Remus said in anguish.
"Remus," I whispered and reached for his hand, but he turned away, pulling his hand away from me.
"I'm only telling you this because I want you to hate me too," Remus spoke bitterly.
Remus fell asleep once more in the heavy silence. He was absolutely exhausted by his physical and mental wounds.
He sweat heavily in his sleep and moaned again.
I made to reach for him again with a washcloth, when he suddenly snapped.
With an animalistic growl, he got up quicker than the blink of an eye, and grabbed my arm. He shoved me back roughly, I grimaced- and then I felt a hot wet breath at my neck.
"R-Remus?"
I heard haggard breathing and then an intake of breath-
He's going to bite me.
I froze, unable to fight back against a wounded Remus and scared stiff of what was about to happen. I squeezed shut my eyes. He's human, he's human. He won't change me. He won't change me. I trembled. I could begin to feel his teeth graze against my neck…
"What in hell? Impedimenta!"
Remus suddenly went flying off me- James caught him before he hit the wall.
"Raylynx!"
Sirius ran over to me, but my eyes were fixed on Remus fighting against James' grip. He looked half-crazed- his normally amber eyes had a purple glint to them. He snarled and snapped at James.
I snatched my wand from under the lamp of the bedside table and pointed it at Remus.
Concentrating, I said firmly, "Somnum statim."
Remus immediately fell limp in James' arms.
"He's just asleep," I explained, my voice slightly shaky now that the immediate threat was gone.
"What happened?" James asked me. "Did he just attack you?"
"No, I must have disturbed him in his sleep," I explained. "He was sweating so I thought I'd wipe his face. He must have been having a nightmare and when I touched him, he reacted."
I tried to get up, but I suddenly became aware of two hands on the sides of my shoulders. I paused, confused.
"Sirius, mate, she's all right," James said quietly. He put a hand on Sirius' arm. "You can let go of her now."
Both of us started. I got up and stepped away and Sirius dropped his hands and moved back behind James.
"Ray, you sure you're all right? You must have been scared," James said, hugging me briefly. "He didn't actually hurt you anywhere, did he?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine, James," I said in a morose voice. "At least, a lot better than Remus is…"
I gazed at Remus' sleeping form. Tears were dripping slowly down his face. "What did they do to you, Remus? What broke you so bad?"
I knelt down beside him and gently laid a hand on his face. I thought Sirius made a move from behind me, but he and James remained silent.
"Have you got any Dreamless Potion?" James asked me.
I shook my head. "I ran out of it yesterday. I don't have enough ingredients, either."
"Well, I have a few bottles at my place. I'll be right back," James said.
"All right," I agreed. He left.
Sirius came to the chair besides the bed. With a sigh, he settled in.
"Bloody hell," he muttered, when he saw Remus' tears. "How bad could it have been?"
I shook my head. Remus, I don't pity you, but I will never hate you, either. I'll protect you. As broken as I might be, I'll be home to you as much as I can.
Softly, I started to murmur a lullaby: "If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies. While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, crying to the moon, if only, if only…"
Remus' breathing settled and I softly stroked his face.
