Raylynx's POV
Sirius and I were sitting at the Three Broomsticks, on the lookout for Igor Karkaroff.
For some reason, I felt a bit self-conscious sitting next to him. More than once, I could swear I saw his eyes flicker over to me. I couldn't think why.
Finally, he spoke to me. "Are you angry at me?"
Surprised, I looked over to him. Our eyes met. "No. Why would I be angry at you?"
"Dorcas' dare. You must have been angry with me."
My mind struggled to make sense of this conversation. "I'm not angry," I finally managed to say. "I was never angry with you."
"Why not?"
"What do you mean?"
"It must have seemed to you like I played some mean joke on you. Why weren't you angry?"
"Well, I never expect anything more…" I mumbled the first thing that popped in my mind.
"Do you really think so low of yourself?" Sirius said through gritted teeth.
Startled by the sudden intensity of his emotion, I blurted out my honest feelings without censor. "i mean that I didn't expect more from you. It's not as though we're close friends. I mean, when have you ever treated me differently? I've always been some kind of joke to you, haven't I? Even at Hogwarts. So wouldn't I be the fool to get all bent out of shape over something normal?"
Sirius fell silent and I blinked confusedly, unaware of the torment I'd just inflicted on the man next to me.
Then, unexpected guests entered the Three Broomsticks. It was not Igor Karkaroff, but Dorcas and Marlene.
I waved to them.
They came over to us and sat down.
"We've just finished and wanted a drink. Then, we remembered you two were on guard here," Marlene explained.
"How was patrol?" I asked.
Dorcas responded, "Everything was quiet."
"Still no word about Caradoc?" I asked.
Marlene shook her head as she took a seat beside him.
I bit my lower lip.
"What is it?" Sirius asked me.
"It's been a long time and we still haven't found him," I said sadly. "I never really got along with him, but still…"
That day, I was thrown off of his porch for not knowing the password.
At first, I thought Caradoc did that on Dumbledore's orders and Dumbledore simply didn't tell me, but what if it's more sinister than that? What if someone had manipulated me into thinking that it was Caradoc, when really they'd kidnapped him? What if my prejudice with Caradoc costs him his life?
Sirius suddenly reached over and briefly grabbed my arm.
Startled, I looked up.
"Lighten up," he said. "You keep brooding like that and you'll miss Karkaroff even if he passes right under our nose."
"You're right," I said, shaking my head. "Sorry, I'll focus."
It was then that I noticed Marlene frowning at Sirius.
Feeling slightly awkward, I coughed and said nonchalantly, "I'm going to go outside to keep watch. Dorcas, want to come with?"
"Sure," Dorcas said, and I could swear she smirked at Sirius.
We both headed outside in the night. The air was the perfect spring temperature.
Still, I felt slightly cold. I always felt cold, these days. I wrapped my arms around myself as I peered down the road, searching for any passerbys wearing distinctively northern clothing.
Marlene's POV
Today's the day. Today's the day.
I'd been biting on my tongue for a while, but I just knew that this opportunity had been made for me to confess to Sirius.
Here goes nothing, I thought, but my heart was pounding hard.
"Sirius," I said, unable to quite look him in the face.
"Hm?" Sirius said, staring at two silhouettes just beyond the door.
"I've been thinking…" I began.
"What?" Sirius said, still looking away.
"I've been thinking." I said, in a firmer voice. Carry through with it, Marlene. He still loves you. He does. Remember everything you went through at Hogwarts. He can't have forgotten all that, right?
"I've been thinking… about us," I finally managed to say.
"Have you?" Sirius said almost immediately. I looked up at him, startled that he had so dismissively reacted to my confession.
"Well, yeah," I said, a bit thrown off. Did he not understand me? "But 'us' as in- 'us' in the sense…" I struggled to say the right words. "'Us' in the sense that I still want you," I finally managed to blurt out. "I want a second chance with you, Sirius."
His eyes suddenly flickered to me, and I could see that he'd finally understood what I was getting at.
All the emotions I'd been holding in suddenly came pouring out.
"I wasn't at my best when we were together at Hogwarts, but now I think I know you a little better. I really miss you, Sirius. Don't you? Don't you miss us? You do, right?" I took in a deep breath and finally composed myself. I tried to crack a smile as I joked, "You know, for how confident I am about arguing with other people, I'm dead awful at confessions."
Sirius' eyebrows were furrowed together and he looked almost pained.
I held my breath, waiting.
Finally, he said in a regretful tone. "Marlene, I'm sorry. I can't return your feelings."
I immediately looked away from him, abashed.
There was a heavy silence, until finally, I broke down and asked, "Well, why not? What's so wrong with me, exactly?"
"It's nothing like that," Sirius told me. "It's just…" He looked away again, and this time I followed his gaze- at the two figures outside.
Suddenly, it clicked. My cheeks turned red. The intimacy of his stare made me feel like I'd walked in on him kissing her. I let out a noise of disbelief. "Raylynx."
Startled, Sirius looked back at me, only this time, I could tell he was much more engaged.
I couldn't believe it.
I really couldn't take this.
"It's Raylynx, right? Since when-?" I started to ask, but Sirius just shook his head and said, "No! No, it's not like that…"
"What do you mean it's not like that? You can't take your eyes off her! The way you look at her… It's so obvious, Sirius," I said, feeling completely insecure. Am I really such an undesirable person? Why can't I keep just one person in my life? Why? The same feelings of insecurity that I had experienced during the TriWizard Tournament washed over me again. No. I thought I was over all this. I don't want to take out my insecurities on Raylynx again. She suffered enough last time because of me, and I hated myself for doing that to her. I swore I would be more mature, that I would never subject any of my friends to my insecurities and jealously again.
I bit my lip, trying to keep any more insults from pouring out.
"Marlene, I'm sorry," Sirius said softly. "You'll always be a very important person to me. You know that, don't you?"
Again, I wanted to accept this in a mature way, but as the shock of the realization was still jolting through my brain, I only stared at him with accusing eyes. He gently patted my shoulder before he got up to join Dorcas and Raylynx outside.
Raylynx's POV
"So, is Remus back to normal?" Dorcas asked me.
I tried to stop the sudden rush of worry and frustration I felt inside from showing on my face.
Instead, I answered neutrally, "No," and looked away, peering harder than necessary down the dark lane further into Hogsmeade.
"Raylynx, I don't mean to intrude into your private life, but as good friends, I've always sort-of been curious: Was he ever more than a friend?"
"Remus?"
"Yeah."
I thought about it. How do you know what someone is to you? I mean, would I be jealous if he suddenly started seeing another girl? Honestly, no. I wouldn't. Do I feel any real desire to kiss him? Definitely not. Do I want him to see me as a woman? I don't care. That sort-of desire seems irrelevant to me. All I want for Remus is for him to be happy, for him to stop being so blind to his self-worth. He doesn't have to be next to me. It's just… knowing that he is denying himself his self-value is painful. Maybe because I'm struggling through that bit myself.
"No," I answered finally. "I mean, he's more than a friend. He's a companion. We struggle with similar insecurities and often value the same things. But I don't feel for him in the way you're talking about."
"Oh," was all Dorcas said.
I glanced over at her, suddenly amused. "Why the sudden questioning? Of all the girls, I would have never expected that question from you first."
Dorcas smirked and said, "Let's just say I'm asking on behalf of someone."
"Behalf?" I said, confused. "Wait, who? One of the girls?"
"No, not one of the girls," Dorcas said, close to laughter.
"Who, then?"
"Well…" Dorcas pondered. "If I were to give a hint-"
"Let's not gossip on duty, shall we?" Sirius appeared out of nowhere, clapping a hand over Dorcas' mouth.
I stared at the two of them. What is going on here? Did Lily put them up to this?
Suddenly, a rather cold voice interrupted us.
"How do you get any work done like this? You shouldn't take Order patrol so lightly, you two." Marlene scolded me and Sirius. Only, she barely glanced at him and glared at me.
She suddenly turned to Sirius and said, "You're acting like you're five. Pull yourself together."
Dorcas and I warily looked between the two of them as Sirius uncomfortably looked away from Marlene.
"Well, it's midnight. I think I'll go report to Aberforth," Sirius said awkwardly. "And you-" he clapped a hand on Dorcas' shoulder- "don't forget our date at the bakery." He squeezed her shoulder a little harder than necessary before he left.
"A date at the bakery?" I said quizzically, staring at Dorcas.
"Madam Puddifoot's," Dorcas said, and nodded her head sagely, as though that answered everything.
Shaking my head a little, I decided not to press any further and instead asked, "Why don't we go to my place and chat for a bit? We haven't been able to talk in ages. I can make some Meadow Tea."
But Marlene was shaking her head slowly with her eyes closed, as though she were in pain.
"Marlene?" I asked, but Dorcas suddenly grasped my arm, telling me to wait.
"Marlene," Dorcas said, but Marlene started to speak. "I'm trying, Raylynx. I really am. We're good friends. But somehow, I can't… I can't shake off the feeling that I'll always be second best to you."
"What are you saying?" I said, ignoring Dorcas' hand on my arm. "Marlene, don't be ridiculous, you're not-"
"And that's the worst part about it," Marlene laughed, but tears sparkling in her eyes. "You don't even mean to do it. I know you, Raylynx. You're a better friend than me. You always have been. I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry, but I think I have to leave for tonight."
"Marlene!" I said, stepping forward. "Talk to me!"
"I can't," Marlene said, stepping away from me. "I'll say something to hurt you and then I'll hate myself even more."
"Marlene."
"Give her time," Dorcas said firmly. I looked at Dorcas defiantly, but Dorcas gently grasped both my hands and said, "Trust me."
Marlene Disapparated.
"What's going on?" I asked Dorcas.
"I promised not to tell," Dorcas said. "But if it gets to a point where neither of them have resolved it, I'll tell you myself. After all, last time was a mess and you suffered a lot. This time, I won't let that happen. This time, I'll protect you, Raylynx."
Utterly confused, I was unable to reply, but I tried to do as Dorcas said and put my trust in her.
Raylynx's POV
Even though the Potter's cozy home in Godric's Hollow hardly needed any further warming up, Lily and James decided to host a housewarming party. Mostly, they were trying to bring back a sense of community into our thoroughly disillusioned Order. Benjy had only just passed away and Caradoc was still missing. Furthermore, members were changing passwords left and right to keep themselves safe or under Dumbledore's orders. So it was no wonder that we had trouble trusting each other. But despite bad feelings, many people showed up out of old friendship and respect for James and Lily, and the Potter family.
Our group of friends from Hogwarts came together and there were some elderly guests as well, including a particularly famous historian.
"Bathilda." I blinked, surprised with my own ability to recognize her.
Bathilda eyed me beadily. "Oh, it's you, is it? You lived with the Potters for some time."
"Yes," I said. "How have you been?"
Bathilda grimaced slightly. "Old age is not without its pains. But on the whole, I am fine."
I nodded and was about to turn away when she motioned to me. "Sit."
I sat on the couch with her.
"So, you're a member of the Order now," Bathilda observed.
"Yes," I answered.
Bathilda nodded. "I knew you were one of Dumbledore's, right from the start."
"So you're another one of Dumbledore's, are you?", Bathilda Bagshot eyed me beadily across the tea table.
"Yes, I go to Hogwarts", I replied, though I found it odd that that was how Bathilda phrased my attending Hogwarts.
"How did you know?" I asked. "Back then… even I didn't know back then."
Bathilda shrugged. "It wasn't necessarily that I knew you. Rather, I know Dumbledore. I know him very well."
"How is it you know him so well?"
"Oh well, when he was just a boy, he used to come round to my place very often indeed."
"Your place? Do you mean your home here in Godric's Hollow? But that would mean that…"
I suddenly fell silent as I remembered the gravestones: Kendra Dumbledore and Ariana Dumbledore.
"Dumbledore lived here…" I finished quietly.
"Well naturally, Godric's Hollow is a respectable magical community. Why would it be so surprising that the Dumbledores lived here?" Bathilda answered.
"The Dumbledores…" I repeated. Plural, a family.
"Yes. Percival, Kendra, Albus, Aberforth, and Ariana," Bathilda nodded her head, remembering. "A very fine family… for a time."
I looked up at his ominous ending. Bathilda's eyes were slightly glazed as she scrolled through the various memories of her mind. "They broke apart after that nasty incident." She sighed. "Unfortunate indeed and it was only a short while later that Percival passed away. Not surprising, after all Azkaban is a grim place. Still, it was no less regrettable to have lost him. And then, for Kendra to have followed so shortly after... Albus seemed so lonely after that. And there was bitterness as well, I remember."
She murmured on, reminiscing. "That's why I thought it would be good to introduce him to my grand-nephew. Both exceptionally talented and bright and both very lonely. Yes, I thought they would catch on, and they did. Not a night went by without an owl pecking at Gellert's window, and it was always Albus alerting Gellert to some fantastic new idea he'd conjured up!"
Gellert? That is not a common name. Wait, did she by any chance mean Gellert-
"Grindelwald?"
Bathilda nearly spat out her tea. "What did you say?"
"Dumbledore and Grindelwald used to be friends? But Grindelwald led the pureblood uprising." I said, confused. "Your nephew wasn't Gellert Grindelwald, was he?"
Bathilda tried to hide her flushed face as she delicately rearranged her shawl on her shoulders. "Were you saying something?" she said to me, clearing her throat.
"Well, you mentioned the name 'Gellert,' so I thought…" Under Bathilda's beady stare, my question withered away.
But the topic stayed on my mind and when the night lengthened and Bathilda left, I pulled aside Lily because I knew Bathilda had taken quite a liking to her.
"Ray, what's up?" Lily asked me.
"I have a question about Bathilda… or rather, Dumbledore."
"Dumbledore?"
"Yeah," I said quietly. "Bathilda said something a bit odd. She said… that Dumbledore and someone named Gellert used to be best friends. She wasn't talking about Grindelwald… was she?"
Lily bit her lower lip for a moment before she answered, "No, I… Well, Bathilda has told me before that Grindelwald and Dumbledore were friends when they were younger."
Seeing the alarmed look on my face, Lily hastened to add, "But I don't believe that. There's no way. Grindelwald was a rotten blood purist and Dumbledore's the one who's always stood up for Muggle rights. Dumbledore's the one who defeated Grindelwald."
"But why would Bathilda lie about that? She has nothing to gain by defaming Dumbledore," I pointed out quietly.
Lily frowned, but spoke without much hesitation. "Ray, I don't think her nephew Gellert is Gellert Grindelwald. I just don't see Dumbledore ever being friends with someone like that. I just don't. Don't forget- Dumbledore is the one who organized the Order of the Phoenix. And Dumbledore is the Hogwarts Headmaster who let in people like me and you and Remus."
I remembered what Bathilda said, "It wasn't necessarily that I knew you. Rather, I know Dumbledore."
Perhaps there was a reason that Dumbledore let in Mudbloods and werewolves… Perhaps Dumbledore hoped, even knew, that we would be risking our lives for this cause, for this organization, in the future…
I knew I was being cynical, but I couldn't help it. The creeping doubt made everything a hundred times worse.
If it's true…
If it's true… then Aberforth would know.
"Ray, something wrong?" James asked, approaching us. "You look a bit pale."
"No, I'm fine." I'll ask tomorrow after my watch in Hogsmeade.
"Anything to report?" Aberforth asked me as I stepped up to the bar in Hog's Head.
I shook my head.
It was quite late at night now, and my shift was about to end.
I hesitated slightly, afraid to ask now that it came to it.
He was Dumbledore's brother, after all, and this could be personal. Still, I had to know.
"Aberforth, do you by any chance…? I mean, when you were younger, did you ever meet Gellert Grindelwald?"
Aberforth's eyes flashed in anger.
I blinked and swallowed hard. I saw the storm brewing in Aberforth's mind.
"I- was just-" I tried to backtrack quickly but it was too late.
"Don't you dare say his name ever again," Aberforth growled through gritted teeth. "Do you hear me! Never again! If you mention that bastard in front of me again, I'll-"
"Aberforth, I'm sorry!"
"Who the hell told you that? Who the hell mentioned him in relation to us?!"
"Hey, what the hell's going on?" Someone had entered the bar without us noticing and now stepped in front of me protectively.
"Why are you shouting at her like that?" Sirius' voice was calm, but his arm was swept out in front of me.
"No," I said from behind Sirius. "It was my fault."
Aberforth was silent and I could see he was trying valiantly to cool down. Finally, he said morosely, "Leave. Leave for tonight."
I opened my mouth to apologize, but Sirius turned towards me and shook his head. He quickly opened the door, indicating for me to leave. Feeling overwhelmingly guilty, I did. Sirius shut the door behind us.
"He was really angry, huh?" Sirius said.
I blew out a big breath. "Looks like it."
I turned to Sirius, "You shouldn't have defended me like that. It was my fault."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "When is it not your fault? You always mess things up. Still, that doesn't mean I'm going to stand aside and let you get hurt."
"You don't always have to play the hero, you know," I said before I could stop myself. I was being rude, but I couldn't help but to let some of my frustration out on him.
"You don't always have to act so brave, you know," Sirius shot back. "You're allowed to feel scared."
In a quieter voice, he added, "Especially in this mess we're in."
I hesitated. I had started noticing subtle things in Sirius' expressions recently and I felt that I could read him a bit. Something about him- perhaps the way he subtly refused to meet my eyes or the slight tension in his jaw- indicated that he was deeply troubled. But before I could say anything, Sirius spoke again.
"What did you say to him anyway?"
"I just wanted to ask about Dumbledore's past, that's all."
I tried to sound casual, but Sirius gave me a scrutinizing look.
"I know what you're doing," Sirius said to me chidingly. "But Raylynx, you can't go looking for reasons to mistrust Dumbledore just because he mistrusts us. We're his pawns. It's our job to do as we're told. I'm sure his brilliant mind can see the chessboard in a way we can't. So even if it hurts us, we have to stay strong and do it."
"Do we?" I asked softly.
"What?" Sirius said, confused. He couldn't even imagine betraying the Order, no matter what the cost.
I smiled. "That loyalty of yours has always been admirable, Sirius."
However, the smile faded from my face quickly. "But my allegiance is not to Dumbledore. It's to the cause, to winning this war. It's all I ever think about. Ever since my brother was attacked and especially when my parents passed away and Sola lost her magic, not a moment has gone by without thinking about this chaos we're in. You're right, Dumbledore, as the head of the Order, has to take the proper precautions and that might require the sacrifice of a few individuals. Fine. But if this organization gets in my way of acting as quickly as I can to end this war and defeat Voldemort, then my place is no longer here."
Sirius frowned. "You don't mean that. This is your place, with Lily and James and Marlene..."
But even as he said those words, we both felt the truth- His words didn't apply to me. I had never quite fit into the group the same way. I thought back to that time in seventh year, where the rest of them had gathered in front of the fireplace, and I just knew that my path was meant to diverge from theirs. Was this it? Our eyes met and I smiled wryly.
"Raylynx," he said weakly.
"Don't worry," I said quietly. "It's just the frustration speaking. It'll pass, I'm sure."
Neither of us believed it.
Remus was dozing in the couch and I was quietly mulling things over a cup of tea.
Light jazz drifted in the background and outside, a quiet rain begin to fall.
Jamie was living with Sola now.
I thought back to our last conversation, a week ago.
He had asked me to come aside and from the tone in his voice, I knew exactly why.
Remus looked worriedly between us, but tactfully got up and began to noisily wash the dishes.
"Ray, I'll be frank. You and I want to stay together. I can see it in your eyes that you want me to stay. And trust me, I feel the same way. We've always gotten along well, you and I. But-"
"I know," I said, trying to smile but feeling hollow inside. "You don't want to give up on Sola."
"I can get her to do magic again, I can," Jamie said, but it was through gritted teeth. Still, I understood his good intentions. Also, Jamie was the only one who could do this for Sola. I could feel it.
"Sorry, Ray." Jamie laid his hand on my head.
I closed my eyes. Jamie. Father. Professor Maudrick.
"Don't…" I said with my eyes still closed. I don't want to remember.
"What?" Jamie asked, confused. He ruffled my hair slightly. My heart ached.
I sighed and said, "I meant don't… apologize for doing what's right."
A loud knock on the door startled me out of my reverie and woke Remus from his light sleep. He instantly jerked awake.
As I approached the door, I could hear angry yelling on the other side.
"I'm warning you, Sturgis, say one more thing against my friends and I'll-"
"What!? You'll what!? Unless it's evidence proving that your little werewolf friend is innocent, which there isn't, I don't care what you have to say."
I wrenched open the door to find Sturgis and Sirius yelling at each other on my doorstep.
"If you're coming here to shout accusations, you've come to the wrong house," I said stonily.
Sturgis snorted. "Hardly. Your house is hiding a fugitive, a traitor-"
"Listen, you!" Sirius snarled, and grabbed the front of Sturgis' collar.
"Get off of me, you insane Black!" Sturgis shouted, throwing Sirius off of him. "And you!" He whirled onto me, shouting. "You tell that disgusting beast of yours that we're onto him! And I'm warning you- if you insist on protecting him next time, we won't hesitate to go through you."
My hand itched towards my wand, but Sturgis had already jumped off the porch and Disapparated.
Only the sullen silence in the now-pouring rain remained between Sirius and I.
A slight cough.
Sirius and I both turned simultaneously to see Remus standing in the hallway just a few feet behind me.
Before Sirius or I could say anything, Remus immediately turned away and headed up to his bedroom. Feeling a deep sense of dread, I mechanically began to follow him up to his room.
His door was locked. Instead of knocking, I simply sat outside his door, waiting for him to appear.
And he did. With his suitcase in his hand.
"Remus," I started, but he cut me off in a light voice. "I've been called away on a brief trip. I'll have to be away for a bit, Raylynx."
He started to walk away when I instinctively grabbed onto the frayed hem of his cloak.
"Where are you going, Remus?" I asked.
"Away," he answered simply. Then, he gently eased his cloak out of my hand. "Thank you, Raylynx. I'm sure I'll see you around."
"Where will you stay?" I asked, standing up.
"Don't worry, Raylynx. I've got it figured out-"
"Don't lie, Remus." I cut him off in an almost hostile voice. "You haven't anywhere else to go."
Remus' jaw tightened and I immediately felt a wave of guilt wash over me. But instead of stopping, I felt goaded on to say even worse things. I followed him down the stairway and towards the door, nearly yelling at him, "And you haven't got anyone else to go to, either! Because you never let anyone in! What do you think really hurts me, Remus? The fact that some stupid bloke said ignorant things or the fact that you actually take those things seriously? Do you really think so low of me that I would care what someone like Sturgis had to say to me? I don't give a damn what he tells me so…"
I suddenly stepped in front of him, cutting him off from the doorway where Sirius was standing. Remus lowered his eyes, but kept his grip on his battered suitcase.
"Why are you doing this? Huh? Do you think so little of yourself that some immature insult is all it takes for you to leave? Why don't you just ignore it, Remus? It's not that hard-"
"Not that hard?"
I swallowed. Something in Remus had snapped at my last words. He stepped forward menacingly and reflexively, I stepped back straight into Sirius. Sirius made no motion, whether to steady me or move away from me. He just watched us with unreadable eyes.
"Do you think it's easy for me to watch him threaten you, telling you that he'll go through you to get to me because I'm a disgusting beast? Do you think it's easy for me to live with you knowing others are planning to hurt you just because you're associated with me? Do you think that's so easy? Raylynx, do you think I even want to live with you anymore?!" Remus finally shouted at me.
Outside, the rain roared, splashing down in heavy drops on the pavement.
Remus suddenly shoved me aside. I slammed into Sirius and we were both pushed out of the way. Taking his suitcase, Remus hurried down the steps of the front porch and into the downpour.
"Remus…" I said quietly. I started to follow him, but Sirius suddenly reached forward and held me back. "Let me go, Sirius!"
"No, it's you who has to let him go," Sirius replied.
I struggled against him, but I was no match.
Suddenly, I heard the loud crack of Disapparation. Remus had gone.
"Remus!" I shouted out into the rain, but predictably, nobody answered. There was nothing but the crying of the skies and two eyes, grey and gated as stone.
Sirius' POV
As soon as I heard Sturgis threaten Raylynx, I felt torn in two.
I wanted Remus to stay. But I was suddenly scared that Raylynx might really get hurt.
I watched her go after Remus, and I felt the same dread she did.
Because I wanted Remus to stay here, where he was sheltered and cared for.
I wanted Remus to be comfortable because he was more than a brother to me. Even though James and I entertained each other best and got along the best, Remus and I were the two outcasts of the group and on that deep level of identity, we knew each other best. So when I say I wanted Remus to be cared for, I don't mean in some trivial sense. I knew how rare and meaningful this was to him. So I couldn't just move Raylynx out of the way.
But I needed Raylynx to be safe. I don't know why the hell I feel that way. But I just needed her to be okay. And as long as there was some other way for Remus to live somewhat comfortably, then-
I'll trade that. As long as Remus is surviving… Moony, mate, I'll leave this one to you. Sorry.
At the moment I thought that, I reached out and grabbed Raylynx to prevent her from chasing after Remus.
Why are you making this so difficult for me? Why are you calling after him? Do you maybe like him? Because it was when Remus said that he didn't want to be with you, that I thought I saw you crumple inside. You want him back? Me too. But I can't allow that- not if it puts you in any more danger than you're already in.
But as soon as Remus was gone, I let Raylynx go.
I'll protect you, but you're not mine to hold. James made that very clear to me. I won't betray Remus to that degree.
Without a word, I turned and stepped down into the rain, Disapparating home.
I was sitting at the desk, trying to rearrange the mess of thoughts jumbled up in my mind when suddenly I heard a squeaky voice shouting at the door.
Immediately, I knew it was Peter.
I opened the door to see a drenched Wormtail.
"An attack!" he was yelling. "Padfoot, there's an attack on the Mudblood's home!"
My thoughts flew to Raylynx. "What!?" I shouted at Peter.
"I just heard that they attacked-"
Without waiting for further information, I raced forward and spun, with a very clear image of the Kingsley's house in my mind.
Raylynx's POV
I waited on the porch for a little while, listening to the sound of the pouring rain. The absence of jazz music in the backdrop made all this rain sound so intense.
It calmed down my heart and stilled my mind. But as I thought of all the things I said to Remus, shame slowly flooded in me.
How could I have said that to him? What if I really never see him again? What if those are the last words I said to him?
Frustrated, I went back inside and without really thinking about it, stepped into the bathtub and began to run water. I didn't even think about the fact that I was still in my clothes. I barely noticed when the tub was full and only just managed to turn off the water in time.
Sighing, I leaned back and closed my eyes.
I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't mean to trivialize your struggles. I just wanted to stop you from leaving.
I left my head slip under the water surface and for a moment, I disappeared into that soundless element of water.
That is, until I suddenly heard a loud crash reverberate through the room.
I immediately snapped up, but all I saw was heavy black.
