Sirius' POV

As she dried her hair, I wondered if she would be leaving immediately.

She had left the bathroom door open, so I walked over and leaned against the doorway as she finished drying off her hair.

"Do the vampires need you back immediately?" I asked, a little sullenly.

"No. They said they'll catch up next eternity," she replied, cheekily.

Knowing that she didn't have to leave right away, I walked up to her and gently embraced her from behind.

"You really hate the vampires, don't you?" she joked, smiling.

"Of course. I'm on the werewolves' side," I replied.

She half-turned and tilted her head to look up and smile at me.

Without a second thought, I kissed her. It was a quick kiss, and I drew back and gazed at her, hoping that she would encourage me.

She blinked uncertainly and in a bit of a fog, she reached up and touched her own lips.

"Bad?" I asked, a bit incredulously. I've been told I'm a good kisser by multiple people. Granted, that kiss gave out of nowhere, and maybe it was too quick for her to register it.

"No," she said, and her brow furrowed as though she was wondering why I'd asked such a question.

Then, she looked at me and said the words that every man wants to hear: "Do you have a piece of paper?"


A few minutes later, Raylynx was sitting at the table. I wasn't sure what exactly she was doing, but she was writing rather intently on a piece of paper.

I felt a bit restless. Who knows how much time we have together, and she's going to sit here and write something out?

She didn't seem to realize that I was pacing. But as I did, a sudden thought struck me.

If she insisted on being studious while she was with me, then I, too, could use that to my advantage.

About an hour later, when she tried to talk to me, I shushed her. "This is very important reading," I told her sternly.

She looked at me with a confused expression, but just shrugged and returned to her writing.

Finally, having finished the entire book a couple hours later, I threw the book aside on the bed.

Victoriously, I asked in a loud voice, "Romania, Hungary, or Albania?"

Raylynx blinked and looked at me quizzically. "What?"

"Of the three, where were you?" I asked, getting up from the bed and approaching her at the table.

Raylynx's eyes widened for a moment before she forced herself to appear calm. "Hmm…" she said, her face careful.

Then, she suddenly sprang up and leapt towards the bed, trying to escape me.

"No, you don't!" I said. I tried to catch her and just managed to grab her around the waist. We toppled over onto the bed.

"Tell me, Lynx!" I said, trying to pin her down.

She wrestled me back. "Merlin, I forgot how strong you were," I said through gritted teeth.

She tried to flip over to avoid being pinned down, but the move cost her, as I got my arms around her properly. I had my arms firmly around her while she was lying down below me with her face buried in my pillow. I couldn't see her face but with Raylynx, I didn't always need to see her expression to read her. In fact, she was quite good at keeping her emotions from showing her face. But over the years, I had learned that her tell was that she usually stiffened slightly when she lied. Sometimes, she would blush slightly, but I couldn't always tell if she blushed because she wanted to deny something true or was just a little bit uncomfortable with the situation.

"Was it Hungary?" I asked her.

She didn't move.

"Romania?"

She still didn't move.

"Albania?"

Again, she didn't say anything, but I felt her tense ever so slightly in my arms.

"Albania?" I said in amazement. "What's there to do there?"

She was quiet for a long moment, then she blurted out casually, in a muffled voice, "Nothing, trust me. It's dead boring. I had to go to the same bar every night."

"A bar? You went to a bar?" I said skeptically.

"Hey, I'm of age," she replied indignantly, finally turning around to look up at me.

"Let me guess, that's where you met that bloke, right?" I said.

She didn't reply, but a slight blush appeared on her face, and I knew it was an affirmative.

"He had his hand up your back," I said, remembering when Remus and I had run into my flat together.

"What?" Lynx said, taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

"He was murmuring a spell of some kind."

"Oh, that," she said, relaxing. "He was trying to slow the venom by invoking a rune."

"Invoking a rune?" I said, utterly confused. "What is that supposed to mean? Is that some new slang for some dirty-"

"No," she stressed. "It's..." she sighed, and said, "It's complicated."

"How did you two meet, anyway?" I inquired.

"I was bitten by a snake and he helped me out," she answered.

"Smooth bastard." I muttered to myself. "Let me guess, you invited him to your room after that."

"No!" she said. But then a thoughtful look replaced her indignant one and she amended, "Well, he did come into my room, but not because of... not for any reason you're thinking of."

I raised my eyebrow and said, "And what I am thinking of, exactly?"

"I don't-" she started, and blushed more deeply. "Even if we did, so what? It's nothing short of what you would do!"

I thought back to Ivy and how I couldn't think of anyone but Raylynx, but there was no way in hell I was going to admit that to Raylynx, so I just said flatly, "Yeah, that's exactly what I'd do."

"See?" Raylynx retorted. "How many women were you with while I was gone?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Loads," I drawled sarcastically.

I glanced down at her, and she deadpanned, "Well done, Sirius. Truly honorable-"

I growled and gripping her wrists, I pushed her down on the bed.

Raylynx burst out laughing.

I have to say, I was a little bit angry, mostly because I was jealous of whatever her relationship with that man had been. I knew by the way that Raylynx had responded that nothing had actually happened, but I was instinctively very possessive, even though I knew it wasn't always a good thing to be. But seeing her laugh so brightly made me soften, and soon, I was just watching her laugh. I felt like I could gaze at her forever.

Once again, I wondered if she had always been this bright, and how I could have wasted so many years at Hogwarts not noticing her. I had wasted all of these years at school with her and on guard duty with her and only now, when she insisted on running off on dangerous adventures all over the world, was I in love with her. But she was mine now.

I said the last few words aloud: "You're mine now."

Raylynx's laughter faded away in surprise, and a moment later, she blushed and looked away.

I released her wrists and pulled away from her, feeling strangely vulnerable even though I had been the one to make her feel embarrassed.

Raylynx sat up and glanced over at me. I wasn't exactly facing away from her, but I was sitting on the edge of the bed and she was sitting a little ways to my left and behind me, closer to the middle of the bed.

"Sirius," she said quietly. She reached out and gently touched me shoulder. "There's something I want to show you."

I looked over my shoulder at her.

"I said that Runic Magic is complicated. I've been trying to learn it from Sehtzer." She pushed past me and fetched the paper she'd been working on from the table and showed it to me. It was definitely a Runic symbol, but that was all I could tell you, as I never took the subject myself.

"This is a Protection Rune," she explained. "Sehtzer was trying to 'activate' it, so to speak, to force its passive properties to activate, so that it would buy me time for you and Remus to return."

"I was practicing it today so that I could draw the Rune on you," she said.

"On me?"

"Yes," she said. "Well, unless you don't want it, but I can't imagine why you wouldn't."

"I don't know anything about Runes, Raylynx," I told her. "What would I have to do?"

"You don't," she said brightly. "I can do it. You just have to sit while I inscribe it."

"Inscribe it where?" I asked.

"On your body," she said. "It's usually on the back, but I think it would also work on the chest, maybe covering your heart."

Seeing the confused look on my face, she said, "Sit back."

I did as she asked, laying back down against the headboard.

She sat at the edge, scooting up so that she was facing me.

"I'll show you where," she told me. "And if you decide that you don't want it, then that's fine."

I lay still. She hesitantly opened the top buttons of my shirt until she could see the part of my chest right over the heart. "Right here," she said and pressed her hand against my chest.

I drew in a quick breath.

She looked up at me. "Is that okay?"

She has no idea what she does to me.

"Whatever you want," I told her, trying to tell her that I trusted her. "This is your area of expertise."

"All right," she said softly. Then, she placed the paper down on the nightstand beside us and gave it one last look before she scooted in closer to me.

"It might burn a little," she warned.

Then, using her wand, she very carefully and deliberately inscribed the Rune on me. It did burn slightly, but the sensation didn't bother me.

A strand of hair fell forward in front of Raylynx's eyes. She tried to blow it away and when it stubbornly stayed in front of her face, she became annoyed and she shook her head impatiently a couple times to get it out of her vision. I smiled a little, my eyes crinkling slightly. She worked very intently and I recognized her intense focus from other incidents- for example, when I'd seen her make a spectacular catch in Quidditch, or when she ultimately won the TriWizard Tournament, and even when we were dueling our way out of impossible situations on Order missions. Most of the times, she seemed a bit out of it, lost in her own thoughts, and always- even now- insisting on travelling her own path, but then when you started to understand her better, and you started to recognize the focus and determination with which she lived her life, even if it meant standing alone, it was impossible not to respect her. But it was a unique type of strength and most people misunderstood it as being awkward or even difficult, as I had perceived it for most of our time together until the war forced me to also adopt and train my own focus. And the other thing I appreciated was that when Raylynx was focused, she lost herself a little, and she didn't seem to notice or be bothered by my looking at her and admiring her, and so I could gaze at her as she inscribed this Rune on my chest.

"Done," she said, finally satisfied. She sat back and examined it one last time, making sure everything was right. It was shaped similar to an infinity sign, except that the line was much thinner on one side, so that it looked like a bold S until you looked closer. There were also two short parallel lines going through the middle. She traced it lightly with the tip of her finger, and my heart thrummed softly. Then, she put her wand down and gently buttoned my shirt back up for me before smoothing out the collar.

"Hopefully, that helps sometime in your life," she said softly.

I didn't say anything. Even if I wanted to explain to her how I felt about her, I couldn't.

How do you explain what mesmerizes you? It was as if she'd run through parts of my brain, laughing and carelessly knocking things off shelves as she went, so that all she left behind was a huge, beautiful, glittering mess. If you tried to explain it, it was all broken pieces, but if you were to witness it, the way I was now, gazing at her, then it was a most brilliant display of light and warmth.

"Sirius?" she said, and her voice sounded muted to me because in these intimate moments, she looked and sounded like she was from a dream. She was my phantom, always gone at first light, and the only way I could show her that I cared about her was by letting her go and then letting her back in whenever she appeared, which challenged every aspect of my intensely possessive nature. Every insecurity I had about being abandoned, every fear I had of losing this second family that I had fought so hard for, and every anxiety I had failing everything I stood for by letting one of my friends die on my watch, came alive when she left me. It was hard, extremely hard, for me to love her, and yet, it also simply was not a choice for me.

But right now, she's here. And she's mine.

I suddenly leaned forward and kissed her without hesitation. I reached out to pull her closer to me. My fingers brushed against her stomach and then grasped her waist, feeling her warmth through the soft shirt.

A soft noise of surprise escaped her mouth. Her fingers softly grappled against my shirt on my chest, as though unsure whether to hold onto me or to push me away because it was all too sudden and fast. I tensed slightly, waiting for the rejection.

After a moment, though, she gripped my shirt tightly and pulled me closer to her. Her lips melted and gave way to mine. Our kiss deepened and finally, I felt like I could breathe again, all my anxieties slipping away, unable to penetrate this small world that I shared with Raylynx.

My arm slipped around her waist and I pulled her onto my lap without breaking our kiss.

With her sitting in my lap, we were so close together that Raylynx didn't know where to put her hands. She touched my shoulders hesitantly before pulling her hands away. I reached up and pressed our palms together. Our fingers intertwined as we kept kissing, slow and intense. Slowly, she relaxed and her arms slipped around my shoulders and hugged me. Now empty, my hands slid up her back and arms before crossing over her back and shoulders to gently hold her against me. Our lips locked deep and I could tell that she wanted me just as badly, maybe not quite as physically as I felt it, but emotionally, mentally, physically, whatever- just by way of being. This was the first time I was truly and unquestionably certain of her feelings. I can't tell you the depth of the warmth that blossomed in me when I realized that. Neither of us need each other. In fact, we're better off without each other. As long as this war is raging around us, we're not going to be able to be together the way normal, healthy people might. But at the same time, I want her and I would choose her over everything any day, if only I could. And she feels the same for me. We don't need each other, but we would choose each other. I held her tight to me and kissed her, almost desperately. She responded in the same way. It was a long while before we finally broke apart. Our foreheads touching, we both tried to catch our breaths.

I opened my eyes to see hers still closed as she tried to breathe deeply, her cheeks flushed a soft pink, and a few strands of loose hair framing her face. She looked so lovely like this. Her eyes fluttered open and noticing my eyes on her, she blushed and turned her head, leaning forward so that her chin was on my shoulder and I couldn't see her face anymore.

I laughed softly. "Love, don't be embarrassed," I murmured in her ear. "It's what we were made to do."

She drew back and looked at me. "Does it seem that natural to you?" she asked me, her voice skeptical.

"Yeah," I said, shrugging a little. "It doesn't for you?"

She shook her head.

"Well, don't worry," I said, and smiled teasingly. "We'll practice plenty."

"But we're both so busy," she sighed.

"I'll clear my schedule," I murmured, pressing my lips gently against her cheek.

She laughed lightly. "Your priorities are always so noble, Sirius," she teased.


But as the light coming through the window grew longer and afternoon turned into evening, it really was time for my Order shift. With a sigh, I got up from the bed and pulled on my boots and cloak. Raylynx got up with me, and she opened the door for me. I wanted to ask her if she would leave right after I did, but I didn't want to have to say the words. With a forced smile, I stepped out of the flat, but just as she started to close the door, I turned around and shoved it open, stepping back into my flat again. I abruptly cornered her against the wall, my arms on either side of her. She flinched a little at the sudden movement. Then, she shut both eyes tightly as I leaned in. I kissed the very tip of her nose gently, barely brushing my lips against her skin.

In a low voice, I murmured, "That's just in case you're not here when I come back."

She exhaled, but before she opened her eyes, I had finally left, shutting the door behind me.


Raylynx's POV

How am I supposed to leave after that?

I tried to think calmly, but I was flustered. Spending time with Sirius, and being with him in a less restrained way, made my emotions more demanding and sent my head spinning, mixing up the logic I so desperately accorded my life to with my intensifying feelings to be with him.

Just then, the clock on the wall ticked to seven in the evening.

It's the full moon tonight, I realized. Should I go to Remus'?

But given what Remus had said to be about our Bond strengthening through blood, I wasn't sure if it would make it harder on him if I went. We had no way of guessing how his transformation would affect things and if I had to guess, I would think that it would make the Bond between us even more intense. That would be a complication that neither of us needed. Besides, only going to see him when I was around felt self-serving. It felt like I was just doing it to feel better about myself, and I knew how offensive that could be to Remus.

Furthermore, if someone saw me in contact with Sirius or Remus, nothing good would come out of it. As Sirius had said before, it was because we kept associating with each other despite our questionable positions that the other Order members were suspicious of us. I didn't want Sirius or Remus to suffer in the Order any more than they already were simply because I wanted to see them.

I sighed. I guess I shouldn't stay here.

I slowly got up and pulled my Cloak on. I started to walk out of the flat, when my eyes caught a carton of Sirius' cigarettes on the counter. I slid them off the counter and pocketed them. Then, I hurried out of the flat, making sure to lock it up behind me with magic and put up all of the defenses Sirius had cast previously.

I stayed in the Muggle districts and bought a train ticket to Paris. It didn't actually matter where the end destination was. When I figured out where to go, I would just step off and Apparate. I attempted to smoke the cigarette while I waited for the train. It was bloody disgusting. I inhaled, then coughed excessively. A group of teenage kids standing nearby laughed at me. I scowled, gave it up as a bad job, and stubbed it out. The train came then. I got up and boarded it.

As the train took to the tracks, I thought hard about what my next step should be.

I need to hunt down the Horcruxes. There is nothing more important than this. But the thing is, I don't know where to go next. I don't know where the next Horcrux is. And even if I can discover what it is and locate it, I can't make my move until I know how many there are. If I act too quickly and Voldemort picks up on my scent, it'll only be that much harder.

I sat and bowed my head, gripping my hair in my hands. Think. Think, Raylynx.

I tried to piece together everything I knew about Horcruxes.

But it wasn't enough.

What it came down to was that I needed to know more about Voldemort, especially when he was still Tom Riddle. That would reveal more about his values and his insecurities, and from there, Voldemort's prideful ways and habits would lead me to the next Horcrux. One way to do that would be to go after Slughorn, but that was drawing the line too close to Dumbledore.

What else can I do? Every pathway I can think of to find out more about Voldemort leads me back to Hogwarts and that's Dumbledore's territory. I suddenly recognized the brilliance of Dumbledore being a Headmaster. He has gathered all his pieces so efficiently.

Where, then, if not Hogwarts? Following his childhood at the orphanage had led to one Horcrux. Where else could I go? Voldemort will have covered his tracks to hide his past. No loose ends… It will be more than difficult to find my next lead.

As my thoughts slowed to accepting that I simply did not have enough information to make a decisive move yet, my eyes fell on an elderly couple holding hands.

Suddenly, I felt something rise in my throat.

What am I doing? Am I making a mistake? Creating distance between myself and Dumbledore makes sense because I simply cannot accept Dumbledore's methods, but if doing so requires me to also push away everyone I love, then is that still the right path?

I feel like I've come to a point in my life where I associate happiness with a mistake. I can't get rid of the guilt. I feel like I have no right to have what other people have.

Still watching the elderly couple speaking in low voices to each other and smiling gently, I realized that this was the right way to live. Denying yourself happiness is not a virtue. There is a responsibility that comes with happiness, and I can't go my whole life avoiding it forever. There is a difference between leaving because you have to stay true to your values and leaving because you're scared to get hurt. I don't want to be the latter, ever. Because then- what is everything else for? If I can't own up to my own feelings, who will I ultimately be able to protect? No one.

And I don't want to hurt him by leaving again. I can't keep doing this to him. It's really, horribly unfair.

I felt like someone had reached inside my chest and was forcefully, painfully squeezing my heart, determined to destroy me from the inside-out. I couldn't stand being still anymore. When the train arrived at the next station, I got off. I walked out of the station and into the streets, just breathing in the clear night air and trying to empty myself of the intense emotions that had taken such a tight grip on me. I thoughtlessly picked flowers as I walked by. I slowly picked the petals off of one sad-looking daisy, nonchalantly playing a childish game the flower. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.

There was one petal left. I picked it. He loves me. I paused.

I envisioned what it would be like if he was standing in front of me now.

I imagined him saying my name. Lynx.

My breath caught.

Without really comprehending or planning anything, I took off down the streets and ran to board the train going back. I leapt onto it just in the nick of time. People stared at me as I was breathing rather hard and still holding all of the flowers I had picked.


Sirius' POV

My shift had ended and I went over to James' afterwards.

I could immediately tell that he was in a state. It really got to him, being pent-up inside this house.

I sighed and tried to keep the conversation up-beat. I could see Prongs trying his best to respond to my jokes and banter, but it just wasn't the same.

Lily and I traded worried looks and when James got up to check on Harry in his crib, I followed Lily to the kitchen, where she was baking.

"It drives him mad, staying here for so long," Lily sighed. "Some days I don't know what to do."

I watched her quietly, thinking hard. In my mind, a plan formed, and I knew that it was a decent plan, which, if it truly succeeded, would solve the threat that forced James and Lily to go into hiding. I started to speak, when something held me back. If I go through with proposing this plan, I can't have Raylynx stay in my flat anymore. I bit my lip hard, struggling to decide.

Finally, with a deep sigh, I went ahead. "Lily," I said, "at this point I'm just waiting for Death Eaters to come after me."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Lily apologized immediately.

"No, I'm not saying that to hear you apologize," I clarified. "I was just thinking, what if I tried to speed up the process?"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"If I make it easier for them to track me down, it might lure them into springing the trap earlier," I explained. "There wouldn't be all that waiting. Once Voldemort makes his move, some things will have to be revealed to us- like what his intention behind targeting you is or who the traitor in the Order is."

"But you'd be in danger." Lily shook her head. "Sirius, you're already doing more than enough as it is. I can't have you putting yourself in even greater risk for us."

"It's the only way," I argued back. "Do you want Prongs to be stuck in here forever? Do you want to be stuck in here forever?"

"Besides," I continued, "like I said, it's just a matter of time anyways. Nobody thinks it's Peter. They'll come after me. That's why it's the perfect ploy."

Lily bit her lip, thinking about it.

"Well, I'm going to do it whether you like it or not," I said, finally. "And don't tell James. I don't want him worrying about me any more than he already is."

Lily looked at me with a curious expression.

"What?" I said.

"I'm just always surprised when I encounter your merits, Sirius," she said, and smiled warmly at me.

I snorted. "Is that your attempt at a compliment?"

When I said good-bye to Prongs, I felt lighter, knowing that there was a decent chance that I could get him out of that situation soon.

But as I left Godric's Hollow, I felt a stone sinking in the pit of my stomach.

I have to ask Raylynx to leave. It won't be safe for her to live with me once I put the defenses down. I can't risk her being there when the traitor comes, and I can't tell her that Peter is actually Lily and James' Secret-Keeper.

I blew out a breath before I Apparated to Remus', where I made sure that Moony would be all right for tonight's transformation.


When I finally got back to my flat, I removed all the defenses (except for an alarm that went off if a stranger entered my flat) and entered the flat.

"Lynx?" I called.

There was no response. I sighed, either out of disappointment or relief, I'm not sure.

I pulled my boots and Cloak off before dropping down tiredly on my bed.

I laid back and closing my eyes, rested my arm over my face.

Just forget about it all, Sirius. Just stop thinking. Nothing can be right while this war is going on.

I tried to force myself to sleep, but my mind was scattered. I eventually managed to fall into a disturbed sleep.

I heard the door open, but the alarm didn't go off.

I wasn't completely awake, so I only shifted a little.

Then, I heard a soft rustle as something was put down on the table. I started to reach for my wand to turn on the lights, when a small figure came and nestled against me.

I lifted my arm off my face and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Where did you go?" I murmured, sounding a bit raspy.

"Smoke break," she quipped, and I could hear a small smile in her voice.

"Liar," I mumbled.

"No. It tasted awful. I can't believe you smoke them."

"Well, then, don't smoke," I said, and rolling over slightly, I hugged her around her middle and laid my head in the crook of her neck, my lips on her collarbone. "They're bad for you," I told her. I heard her laugh a little.

I was starting to come to my senses now. She has to go. She can't stay here. It's too dangerous at night.

"Ah, and he wizens up," she said lightly. She let me hold her and lie on her for a moment before she said in a more serious tone, "Sirius."

"What?" I mumbled. I reached across her back and took my wand from the dresser. I waved my wand and instated all of the previous defenses. Just give me a few hours to say good-bye, I thought.

"Sirius, let's not make this difficult," she said softly.

She knows. Well, of course, she already knows. She knows everything. She's always ahead of me.

I sighed and laid back against the pillows.

We looked at each other and I could see in her eyes a warm, but sorrowful understanding.

"Let me take a shower first," I said quietly, playing with a strand of her hair. "Then we'll talk."

She seemed to consider declining any prolongation of what we both knew had to happen, but she finally agreed. "Okay."

I got up from the bed and headed into the shower.


Raylynx's POV

Once Sirius had closed the bathroom door behind me, I let out a long and slow breath.

I had been ecstatic just a few minutes ago, as I ran back to Sirius' apartment, still clutching the flowers.

Although I had no plan in mind, I had resolved to try to make it work with Sirius- to really make it work, to build something beyond what we had now, which, despite our feelings for each other, amounted to nothing more than one unexpected visit a year.

But as I approached his flat, my well-trained instincts pushed through my overwhelming joy and whispered clear warnings.

Something's off. Why are there no defenses up?

I frowned, and pulling my wand out, I approached cautiously.

When I entered Sirius' flat, I saw, to my great relief, that he was sleeping on the bed. Although his arm was draped over his face, I could see his chest slowly rising and falling.

Did Sirius forget to put the defenses up?

That's unlikely. He wouldn't make that kind of mistake. He's Lily and James' Secret-Keeper.

I hesitated and put down the flowers on the table.

Why would he do this, then?

A knowing voice in my head whispered to me: You know already, Raylynx. Just as you have your secrets from him, he has secrets from you. He's not Lily and James' Secret-Keeper.

A theory shaped itself in my mind: He's decided to be the bait.

Then, a softer voice whispered back regretfully, I truly can't stay here.

My heart sank. I took off my cloak and walked over to Sirius' bed.

That's right. I can't just be a young woman in love. As pure as that may seem, it's not appropriate for what we have to do. Sirius and I, we're both playing the guardian role for someone. And for us to be effective in those roles, that means that there has to be distance between us. It's not all right for us to truly be together.

With a deep sadness pooling in my heart, I nestled up against him on the bed.


Sirius' POV

With the water pouring down on me, I tried desperately to clear my head. But after a couple minutes, I could tell that this wasn't going to get any easier no matter how long I stood here. So I reached up and turned the water off, got dressed, and walked out back into the main room.

Raylynx was preoccupied with arranging something on the counter.

I noticed her cloak had fallen off the chair. I bent down to pick it up when a small slip of paper fell out of the pocket. I picked it up. It read: London to Paris, 8:04PM, Platform 6. The date was today. Complicated emotions rose up within me. But for now, I would have to let it all go. I took a deep breath.

"Lynx-" I started. But just then, she turned around, and she was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Late Happy Birthday!" she said cheerfully.

I paused and just looked at her. It takes so little for her to stop me in my tracks.

"Very late Happy Birthday?" she said, wincing a little. She held out the flowers.

I took them from her. They weren't roses, but a small mishmash of flowers from who-knows-where. I smiled slightly. She always knows what suits me. A simple, gentle peace emanated from those flowers- the kind-of peace I had always wanted and could never have.

"What even made you think of my birthday, anyways? It was… What, last November?" I said. "It's August."

"Yeah, maybe I should have gone for early Happy Birthday," she said thoughtfully.

I snorted before I gently set the flowers down on the counter. Then, steeling myself, I turned around and said, "Listen, Lynx. This is going to sound awful, but I need you to leave."

She nodded. "Okay, I'll be right on that."

"No, wait," I said, holding my hands out. "Listen to me. You don't understand-"

"I do, actually," she replied. "It wasn't hard to figure out."

I fell silent and listened to her.

"You've set up a trap," she said smartly. "Clearly, I'm in the way."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Look," she explained. "I'm not sure exactly why, but your flat is purposefully left unguarded by magical defenses in order to make yourself an obvious target."

"How did you-?"

"Coming into your flat was way too easy tonight," she said straightforwardly. "None of the usual defenses were up, and since you're Lily and James' Secret-Keeper, the defenses should be even more heightened around your flat. But it wasn't. The only conclusion I can think of is that you're trying to draw someone in."

"Well, I guess I don't have any explaining to do, then," I sighed, and ran a hand through my messy hair.

"Yeah," she agreed.

She hesitated before saying, "Sirius, can I ask you one thing?"

"What is it?"

"Like I said, if you're the Potters' Secret-Keeper, your flat should be harder to get into. But instead, it's… it's almost like you're…"

I felt myself tense suddenly. Does she know I'm not their Secret-Keeper? "Like I'm what?" he pressed. Without meaning to, I found myself gazing fiercely at her, challenging her.

She dropped her gaze to the floor and said quietly, "Nothing."

I tried to change the conversation and break the tension that had risen suddenly between us. It reminded me that we weren't exactly on the same side. We both had different things we were responsible for, and we had to put those things before whatever we wanted for each other.

"Stay at Remus'," I murmured. "I talked to him about it tonight. It's all arranged already."

"Sure," she said easily. Too easily- I knew that tone.

"I'm serious. Stay there," I said warningly. "Wait until your fainting spells are over to make your next move."

"I'll be fine," she said, brushing off my concern.

"You would be if they were just a lack of sleep like you told me, but they're not. It's a leftover symptom of vampire venom, which means it'll last for at least a week." I tapped the book on the counter, the one I'd read intensely. It was a thick volume on Dark Creatures.

"Don't try to trick me," I said to her. "You know, someday I'm going to catch up to you, and you're going to have to explain everything." I smiled wryly at her.

She tried to smile back at me, but she faltered and looked down at the floor.

In that moment, I could almost read what was running through her mind. It was odd. She was tricky and unpredictable and intensely complicated, and there were some aspects of her that I could never be sure of, but then, for some unexplainable reason that I myself didn't understand, I could immediately recognize and understand other parts of her that were intensely vulnerable. In particular, I was very aware of the the shyness and insecurities that cropped up whenever she thought about our relationship, even though she tried hard to hide it.

I reached out and gently lifted her face.

"You know that just because we're separating now doesn't mean yesterday was a mistake," I said softly. "The situation is what it is, but our feelings are real, too."

She nodded, but I could tell she was struggling to accept my words.

"Listen, Lynx," I told her, "if it was going to be a mistake that cost you, I wouldn't have done it, no matter how much I wanted to."

She stared into my eyes, then, trying to read me. She, like me, didn't trust words, and had to feel the truth of a situation herself before she believed in it. I wanted to show her that I was being completely honest, but it was hard. I had to fight my own instincts of putting my guard up, and it was a struggle. It was an old habit to lock people out of my real thoughts and feelings, a reaction ingrained in me since childhood. No matter where I was, I relied on an image in order to be liked or trusted. Because I was always deeply aware that at the end of the day, the messed-up place that I came from seeped into who I was, and I could never fully escape that.

Raylynx's hard gaze slowly relaxed into a smile as she saw my eyes flicker between uncertainty, defensiveness, and brief moments of attempted openness. She knew that I was trying, and she put her faith in that. She stepped away and draped her cloak around her shoulders. Then, she snatched the packet of cigarettes from the counter.

"I'm taking these," she said.

"Fine," I said. "Get to Remus' before you have another fainting spell."

"Mmm," she said, gazing at me with her head cocked to one side. She was wearing a skeptical expression.

"You're not going to Remus', are you?" I guessed.

Smiling slightly, she shook her head.

"But I'll be safe," she promised me. "And if I'm around, I'll let you know."

"No need," I said. "If you're around, I'll find you faster than you can imagine."

I followed her to the door.

Just before she opened it, she turned to me and said, "Hey, take care. Don't get used to living in a trap."

"I won't," I promised.

She gave me a slightly sad smile before stepping outside. I slowly closed the door after her.

When enough time had passed that I knew she was gone, I lifted the defenses again. I couldn't manage to fall asleep that night.

The next day, with Raylynx gone, I tried to just get on with my day, and focus on my Order duties, but I felt distracted, like there was a weight on my shoulders no matter what I was doing.

Finally, that night, as I set my wand down on the nightstand beside my bed, I noticed the paper that Raylynx had left there. On it, she had practiced the Protection Rune over and over again, so that she could draw it on me. I slowly traced the Rune on the paper.

I know you stand alone to protect everybody, Lynx. I swear I'll step up and do the same. I'm not going to let you down. The trap has been laid. Everybody, even Remus, thinks I'm the Secret-Keeper. The traitor and the Death Eaters are bound to come after me, maybe even Voldemort himself. They're never going to guess that it's Peter. And Lily and James will be safe, as long as Voldemort and his followers are after me. Come at me, Bellatrix, Lucius… Let's see what you've got. I've been waiting for this day.