Raylynx's POV

The next day, I stormed into the Hog's Head.

"What the hell was that last night?" I demanded. "That was no ordinary drink!"

"Thank you. As a bartender, I take that as a compliment," Aberforth said dryly, walking right past me. He picked up a mug and began to wipe it with a rag. I wondered if Aberforth realized that that only made the mugs even dirtier. Property of transference- if the rag is dirty, then whatever it touches will become dirtier, even if the process itself represents cleanliness. I shook my head clear of such absurd thoughts and went after him again.

"You set me up!"

"Yes, with Sirius. But it was not my intention to set you up with the whole pub. You did that yourself. Or George did. Whichever."

Aberforth finally set down the glass and entered the storeroom. I followed him.

"As much as I would like to continue to argue about who's fault it was last night, I'm afraid I have to drop the matter-" I said.

"Good. You talk too much," Aberforth replied.

"- Because I have to ask you something else," I finished stubbornly. I closed the door behind me.

Aberforth looked up at me. "What are you playing at, lass?" he said, his voice low. It did not escape my notice that his hand was in his robes, gripped around his wand.

I held out both my hands towards him to show that I was unarmed. "Aberforth, don't be ridiculous. I would never attack you," I said.

Aberforth eyed me distrustfully before he reluctantly stowed away his wand. "You never know, lass," he said.

I shook my head. "I just wanted to ask a question."

"Then ask and be done with it. Don't make such a show of it."

"All right, I'm sorry," I said. "It's just that I've been thinking about that night you threw out Severus Snape for eavesdropping on your brother and some professor."

"What about it?" Aberforth grunted.

"What Snape had overheard… It was a prophecy, wasn't it?" I asked, remembering what Dumbledore had told Lily and James immediately after the incident. "Did you ever hear the prophecy in full?"

For a long moment, Aberforth said nothing, only watched me carefully. Then he sighed and said gruffly, "No, of course not. Why would Albus share a thing like that with me? I've got no interests in prophecies or in stories, only in the present." With that, he pushed past me and went back out to the bar again.

I remember what Dumbledore told James and Lily that night when Severus was thrown out. He said that either Harry or Neville were in danger from Voldemort. Now I show up in London, to find that Sirius has set up a trap. What does this mean?

Perhaps there is a reason why I came back to London and Hogsmeade. Something is happening here, that's for certain. And I need to figure out my place in it before it's too late.


Two weeks passed, and September faded into October. I refrained from visiting Sirius, though I checked on his flat daily in Animagus form to make sure he was still safe. As far as I could tell, no trap had been sprung. I wanted more than anything to visit James and Lily and see Harry, but I knew that was impossible in the current circumstances. I thought of Alice and Frank and Neville everyday as well. I also thought of Dorcas and Marlene. On the anniversary of their deaths, I stepped into the cemetery, carrying flowers. I laid the flowers on their tombstones and knelt to pay my respects to them. It was the first quiet moment I experienced since I'd left the Order. I had Dissulurated myself to appear like a stranger, but I swore to myself that I would come in my true appearance one day, once the world was set right again. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, feeling at peace in the presence of friends, even though they were long gone.

But most days, I struggled with the feeling that I was misreading something, missing an obvious sign. I knew that I had to focus on the hunt for Horcruxes, and yet, I felt like I was missing something right in front of me. I thought that if I could just figure out one piece- whether that was about the Horcrux or about the prophecy or about Sirius' mysterious status as a Secret-Keeper, then I could understand what was going on. Because one thing was for certain: the Dark Lord was never at rest. But I couldn't come up with anything concrete, and it drove me mad with anxiety. Aberforth, too, was becoming more and more tight-lipped with his information and I realized that either Dumbledore had suspected I was nearby, gathering information, and asked Aberforth to keep quiet, or the Order itself was running dry on information. Either way, I was in an incredibly unsatisfying position.

Although I didn't realize it, Sirius, too, was increasingly feeling this way, as nobody came after him. He had been so confident in his plan, and yet, no one was coming. It was as though the Death Eaters and the traitor weren't interested in pursuing him at all, which defied everything he knew about his situation. The Potters were the prize, and he was the only thing standing in the way. Why hadn't the traitor come after him yet? He started to lose confidence in his plan, which not only meant that he was no longer optimistic about getting James out of his situation, but he also started to feel like he was about to be caught off guard, which stressed him out immensely. What was more, Sirius had finally gone back to Grimmauld Place. He went secretly, wanting to check on Regulus. But he found the place empty, and from what he could tell, there was no sign of recent use of any of the facilities. Sirius had had, and still had, half a mind to call Kreacher, but he hated seeing Kreacher, so he didn't. He wondered if Regulus had found a place of his own, now that his twentieth birthday had finally passed. But Sirius was worried, and worst of all, he knew he could not risk finding out more about Regulus. If the Death Eaters or Order encountered him while he was searching for news of Regulus, it would not reflect well on him, and he needed to appear loyal, if not for his own sake, then for James' and Remus'.

And so Sirius and I were individually struggling through this dark and strange autumn, coming up against all sorts of dead ends and now running out of leads to search for. We had no idea that in a few short weeks, our lives would be completely turned upside down.


One morning in the first week of October, Aberforth tapped me on the shoulder one night when we were closing. He handed me a note.

I opened it to see bold and regal calligraphy.

Freddie, I'm not on watch tomorrow. Come over while it's still light outside.

I was a little surprised by the note, as I had thought we'd agreed not to meet at Sirius' flat anymore.

Wondering what was going on and feeling unsettled, I tucked away the note and decided to meet him tomorrow.


I knocked twice on Sirius' door, and anxiously glanced around to make sure that no one was watching.

Sirius opened the door and in trying to hurry in, I tripped. He caught me.

"Well, hello to you too," he said.

I quickly closed the door behind me. Then, I turned to him and said, "I thought we agreed I shouldn't come here, at least not for the time being."

"Well, yes, but the point of that was to keep you safe," Sirius replied. "And so far, nothing's happened during the daytime. There's been some suspicious activity late at night, but after a few months of living this way, I think I can safely say that no Death Eater will try to storm my place in broad daylight."

"But if you're uncomfortable, of course we can go somewhere else," he said, looking at me with a puzzled smile.

I shook my head. "I just wanted to make sure..."

... That I wasn't being a burden, I finished in my head. But I stopped myself from saying that out loud. Don't say things like that, Raylynx. I scolded myself. When you doubt yourself, you only make it harder for others. Be unapologetic in who you are. That's the only way to be truly strong for people you care about.

Sirius could clearly tell that I was overthinking this. He reached out and playfully pulled my cheek like I was a little kid. "You're allowed to let loose once in a while, Freddie. We are still young, after all."

"I don't want to let loose," I said sullenly. "I just want this war to end."

Sirius sighed and dropped his hand.

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's your one day off. I didn't mean to bring the mood down by mentioning the war."

Sirius crossed his arms and leaned back on his counter. "Make it up to me, then."

"How? By Transfiguring into a man?" I scoffed. "Who should I turn into? Freddie or Remus? You choose."

"My, my, aren't you sassy today?" Sirius quipped. "I see why you got along with Prongs. You really give him a run for his money when it comes to sass."

At this, I finally broke into a smile. "Do you remember when James had the audacity to send Professor McGonagall a group of three singing gnomes for Valentine's Day?" I asked Sirius. "And when she tracked him down and asked him what he could possibly be thinking, he replied that he had been thinking of adding a fourth gnome, but was worried it would be too much."

Sirius snickered. "I do remember that. I'll have to remind Prongs of that tonight."

"I thought we were going to have to puncture Professor McGonagall to let out all of the angry air in her head. She had swelled up like a bullfrog. It was amazing to watch," I recalled.

"I don't know why the Slytherins didn't think of James as a hero, seeing how many House Points he lost us yearly," Sirius said.

"Some of the Hufflepuffs were repulsed, too," I remembered. "Madison Jane asked James where his dignity was, and he told her not to worry, and that it was in his hair."

Sirius laughed, and said, "I remember that as well."

Then, he remarked thoughtfully, "Madison Jane. I vaguely remember her. She was quite pretty, wasn't she?"

I cocked my head to the side, and looking up at him, replied, "Quite."

He returned my gaze.

After a moment passed, he raised his eyebrow, as if to say, "Nothing?"

Amused, I shook my head, replying back silently, "Nothing."

He looked at me a bit sullenly then, as though saying "Fine."

Sirius had recently taken to teasing me, trying to figure out what he could say that would make me feel a little jealous. Again, I found it amusing that he felt that he had to do that, but then he didn't know how miserable I had been at Hogwarts, always seeing him with these stunning girls and then dating Marlene, who had been like a sister to me.

"You really don't have to try to make me jealous, Sirius," I assured him, smiling a little.

He sighed and reaching out, put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him.

As the days had passed since he set this trap, but his volunteering himself had bait had unexpectedly brought no movement, let alone answers, and so he had been on edge for a while now, and it was seeping into all of his interactions with people. He was sorry for acting possessive with me now, but the anxiety he'd felt lately over James struggling to stay at home, Regulus having gone without a word, and Remus still being seen as the spy, was making him feel even more possessive than usual over his friends, and over her. He didn't how to tell me this in words, but he hinted at an apology by the way he held me. I recognized it because he'd held me this way before, once- at James' wedding.

"Are you all right?" I asked, trying to look up at him to read his expression.

But hugging me tighter, he bent down and nuzzled his face into my neck and shoulder, hiding his face from me.

I didn't push him. Instead, I put my arms around him and held him gently.

I feel it, too, I wanted to say. The anxiety of being on the edge of something, but feeling lost as to what we're supposed to do.

After a moment, Sirius admitted, "I'm worried about James. He's been trapped inside that house for so long. I don't think he's handling it well."

"I'm sure it's hard on both of them," I said, "especially James. He always hated being cooped up. But they'll be safe. As long as you're their Secret-Keeper, their guardian, they'll be safe. And all of this will pass."

I didn't see the flash of pain run across Sirius' face. He wanted, so badly, to tell me that he was not their Secret-Keeper, but he knew he couldn't. For the plan to work, it was absolutely crucial that nobody except James, Lily, Peter, and Sirius knew about the switch. In fact, not even Dumbledore knew. He was sure to disagree with the recklessness of the plan- in large part, because he didn't trust Sirius. The four of them hoped to tell him once they'd caught the traitor. But that hadn't happened yet. Thinking of all of this made Sirius' heart heavy, but still, once that tender moment between us had passed and we finally let go of each other, we both felt lighter. It was as if we'd managed to push some great weight off of our chests, at least for the moment.


Sirius walked over to the window and beckoned to me. "Come here," he said. "I want to show you something."

I followed him curiously, but then he drew up the blind and pushed up the glass pane of the window.

When he saw me pause, he assured me, "I've cast an Illusionment Charm on my window. No one will see us inside."

When I joined him by the window, he nodded down to the outdoor parking garage below. I followed his gaze and looked down.

"You see my baby down there? All sleek and like."

I blinked, and then I saw it- Sirius' motorcycle.

"I finally got her over here," he said joyfully.

"Where did you bring her back from?" I asked. I didn't remember ever seeing a motorcycle at James and Lily's house.

He fell silent for a moment before he answered, "Grimmauld Place. I went back last week."

Quickly, he added, "It was the first time I'd gone back in years."

I felt a burst of anxiety in my chest. Does he know that Regulus is gone? I swallowed.

But there was another issue with Sirius returning to Grimmauld Place. It looked suspicious. After all, the House of Black had been a headquarters for Death Eaters for a long while, right alongside the likes of Malfoy Manor.

"Sirius..." I said softly, and my voice was almost stern.

"I know," he replied, in a slightly embarrassed voice. "I know I shouldn't have gone. But Regulus had just turned twenty and I wondered if he'd moved out to a place of his own. We haven't spoken since my mother died. But, I fight with Death Eaters so often, and they're always wearing hoods, and I'm always afraid that the person I hexed was-"

He broke off, and then he sighed and admitted, "I just need to know where he is."

Oh, Sirius, I thought, and the cold, sinking feeling of grief washed over me. Regulus isn't coming back to Grimmauld Place. My heart felt torn. Should I tell Sirius? What if Sirius decides to do something reckless to find Regulus? But I can't explain how I know about Regulus' death unless I explain about Horcruxes, and I've already decided that I can't do that. What do I do?

Finally, I said, "I understand why you wanted to visit Grimmauld Place again, but that was risky, Sirius."

"I know. I know it was risky. I already admitted you were right," he replied, and this time his voice had a testy edge to it.

We both fell silent.

Should I tell him? Sirius needs to know. I can't hold back this information. Seeing him like this is too painful.

I resolved to try to find a way to tell Sirius about Regulus without shedding light on my hunt for Horcruxes. I didn't yet have a clear story in mind, but I would think of a way to do by the next time I got to meet with Sirius again.

In the meantime, I knew I should apologize. "I'm sorry," I said. "I wasn't trying to-"

"No, don't be sorry," he replied quietly. "You're right. I can't go back."

He tried to shake himself out of it, looking out the window again.

"Well, what do you think about my bike?" Sirius asked, trying to lift the mood between us. "It's a slightly older model than your brother's and it's suffered some damage from being cooped up in that back room in Grimmauld Place for too long, but it still runs nicely."

"She's a beauty," I managed to say.

He smiled, proud of his motorcycle. Then, he started to push down the window, but he underestimated his strength and accidentally caught his finger between the sliding glass pane and the metal window frame.

He yanked his hand back. "Mother of-!"

"Sirius! Are you all right?"

He'd fallen silent as he pressed his other hand to his injured finger, but I saw that he was still furiously mouthing curse words.

"You idiot," I sighed. Then, I pulled out my wand and said, "Hand."

I meant to perform a quick Healing Spell, but Sirius, in response to my command, had put his hand out like it was a paw, holding it down at an angle as though it were Padfoot's paw, instead of open and up as people normally do.

I smiled cheekily as I drew his hand to me.

"What?" he said, a little surly from having hurt his hand.

I tapped his finger gently with my wand, and the line of red disappeared.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"It might still bruise," I warned.

Sirius shrugged. "I can live with that," he said.

Then, he asked me, "So, if the Rune you inscribed on me doesn't protect me from these kinds of accidents, what does it protect me against?"

"You can't know exactly," I replied. "Runic Magic is passive. You trade specific control over your magic, and in return, you receive a form of protection that manifests when it detects danger, even if you failed to recognize it."

Sirius frowned a little. I could tell his mind rejected the arbitrariness of it all. Sirius preferred what he could control, what he could channel his power directly through. He didn't like to rely on the abstract.

"What about yours?" he questioned. "Didn't you say you have a Protection Rune too?"

"Yes," I answered. "It works in the same way."

"Can I see it?" Sirius asked.

I paused. "Well, I suppose so."

"Close your eyes," I instructed Sirius.

"Why? Are you planning to murder me?"

"What?" I said, incredulously.

"Listen, Lynx. I'm not putting anything past you. Vampires in Albania? You're crazy, love." Sirius grinned at me.

I walked over to him and replied sarcastically, "Well, unfortunately, today is not that happy day."

I grasped his wrists gently and put his hands over his eyes.

"Just don't look," I instructed him.

Then, standing in front of him, I turned around and wrapped my arms around myself so that the sides of my arms were pinning down the sides of my shirt, but I was able to pull and lift the back of my shirt to reveal the Rune on my back.

"All right," I said to Sirius. "You can look now."


Sirius' POV

When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to suddenly see Raylynx presenting her bare back to me.

Yes, there was a Rune, I guess, but mostly, my eyes caught the curves and lines of her back.

I also noticed an old scar on the side of her lower hip, and I could make out the traces of yet another jagged scar slightly higher up.

I wanted to reach out and press my hand against them, and heal her, and then hold her tight to me so that she would never get hurt again.

"That's my Rune," Raylynx was saying. "So now you know exactly why Sehtzer had his hand up my back. This is what he was trying to activate."

She let go of the hem of the shirt, and it fell back down her body, covering up her back.

She turned back to me and asked me, "So, since I've shown you my Rune, are you less skeptical about it?"

I cleared my throat softly and answered, "Yes."

Raylynx gave me a funny smile, crinkling her nose as a little as she realized that I had not actually changed my mind, or even thought that deeply about it at all.

"Sirius?" she said, looking up at me with a scrutinizing expression.

"Hm?" I said.

She waved her hand in front of my face. "Hello?"

I looked down at her. "Hi," I said softly.

She laughed lightly. "Why are you so out of it all of a sudden? Did the Rune hypnotize you?"

"Not the Rune," I breathed out, and then I kissed her.

Even though we were already standing right next to each other, I cupped her face in both my hands and drew her to me, and then I wrapped my arms around her and deepened our kiss.

When we finally paused, breaking apart for air, Raylynx panted, "Well, that Rune did something to you, that's for sure."

I laughed a little breathlessly and then I pressed my lips against hers again.

I felt her accept me, and respond in kind, and I felt something in my chest unlock, and all of my anxieties, though hardly affected in essence, seemed to soften at the core, and therefore its now blunted edges dug a little less harshly against my heart.

Then, I realized that Raylynx was trying to stay on her tip-toes to return my kisses. With my arms already around her, it was easy for me to gently lift her and turn so that I could set her down gently on the counter.

"Ow, Sirius," she complained, as the back of her head knocked slightly against the cupboards jutting out of the wall.

Oops. I thought I was gentle.

I grinned a little at her annoyed tone. There was something so endearing about her sarcasm.

My hands naturally found her waist, but when I gripped the sides of her shirt, I remembered the scars I had just seen.

I gently moved my hands down and pushed up her shirt a little, just enough to slide my hands under and then I gripped her waist gently, my hand covering the scar I'd seen on her side.

Or at least, that was the intention.

As soon as she felt my hands slip under her shirt, Raylynx instinctively started- and bashed her head against the cupboard behind her.

I stared at her in shock, but when I knew she was fine (by the way she acted annoyed instead of truly hurt), despite myself, I burst out laughing.

Almost crying with laughter, I asked her, "What the hell was that?"

"What?" she sputtered. "I should be asking you! What do you think you were doing?"

"What?" I said, bemused. Then, I realized what she was talking about.

"That was nothing," I scoffed. "Come on, Lynx, you told me you kissed a bloke before."

"I did, but we didn't get handsy!" she shouted.

"All right, all right," I relented, "my bad." I tried to calm myself down. "Are you all right?" I asked her, more sincerely.

She pressed her fingers against her eyes. "I'm seeing stars."

"'Cause I'm a hell of a good kisser, that's why," I said, laughing again.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's because I bashed my head against the counter," she corrected me through gritted teeth.

I leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry I startled you," I said. "Come on, you should lie down on the bed. You'll feel better."

Resisting the urge to pick her up and bring her to the bed myself, I walked over to the bed, sat down, and patted the spot next to me.

She slid off the counter and joined me on the bed.

We both laid down, side by side.

I didn't want to let this moment go. It was such a good opportunity to tease her.

"So wait, as long as I can remember, you've been jumpy around me," I mused. In a light voice, I taunted her, "Is that because you've been having dirty thoughts about me this whole time?"

"No," Raylynx deadpanned immediately.

"You sure?" I pressed.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Really?" I said, coloring my voice was mock-disbelief. "Because if I remember correctly, that time I was helping you fix the motorcycle, you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off my chest."

"I was staring at the necklace, Sirius."

I paused. Then, I teased her, "Nah, you weren't."

"Yes, I was."

"No."

"Yes."

"As if you could with my chest right there," I scoffed.

"Save it, Sirius," she retorted.

I laughed. Then, I rolled over to face her and pull her into my arms.

She kept shifting around at first, and then finally curled up against my chest. But I could feel how stiff she was.

"Why are you so tense?" I asked her, poking her side playfully.

"I'm just thinking," she mumbled.

"About what?" I said, "You don't have to think about these things, Lynx. You just do as you want."

I pushed myself up so that I was hovering over her. "Like this," I said, and I kissed her very slowly and very softly.

When I started to pull away from her, she started to follow up to keep kissing me. I smiled, and she realized what she was doing. She quickly dropped back against the pillow, and her face flushed with embarrassment.

It always took me by surprise how easily she became embarrassed. She was always so decisive and it was impossible to get her to change her mind once she'd decided, so it was easy to see her as someone who was only ever strong and never showed her vulnerability. And when we argued, she was always more articulate than me, and it often felt like she was three steps ahead of me.

But when I had her like this, she was constantly overthinking and very shy.

I wanted her to feel comfortable with me, and to relax, but I had to admit that I appreciated and admired that soft blush on her face.

"You're blushing," I said, teasing her a little.

It worked like a charm, as she responded rather defensively, "Of course I'm blushing!"

I gazed down at her, trying to imprint this vision of her in my mind for all of those long weeks where we couldn't see each other.

"Don't stare," she mumbled halfheartedly.

"Why are you so self-conscious?" I asked her, genuinely curious.

She sort-of glared at me, but her voice was insecure as she admitted, "I'm just not used to being looked at, all right? Now, will you please get off of me?"

I fell back onto the bed, lying beside her again. Hearing her reply made me feel a bit depressed, as I remembered that she had constantly been considered "second-best" at Hogwarts, second-best to her siblings, and second-best to her friends. With a pang of regret in my heart, I knew that I had been one of those people.

I gently hugged her from behind.

"I'm sorry," I told her. "I'll be more patient."

She turned around to look at me. "Sirius, I don't need you to be more patient," she said, smiling a little. "I like how you are. It's me. I wish I were more confident about the physical aspect, but I'm just not there yet."

"Well, you can try whatever you want with me," I replied.

She hesitated, and then she mumbled, in an embarrassed voice, "I want... you. All of you." She reached up and wrapped her fingers in my hair and pressing her body tight to mine, she kissed me hard.

I was a little taken aback, but the surprise was quickly followed by a happy leap of my heart.

She broke our kiss for a second to ask, a bit nervously, "Is it all right that I did that?"

Instead of answering with words, I caught her lips in another kiss. We kissed fiercely, barely catching our breaths enough to compensate for how long our lips were locked together. I felt her small and warm hands trail down from my hair to my shoulders and eventually to the hem of my shirt. I felt a soft tug on my shirt. I paused, and looked down at her. She tugged at my shirt again, but it was a bit of a pathetic effort.

She frowned. "Off," she said. "I want this off."

I laughed. "Are you even trying?"

She yanked at it again.

"Okay, okay." I sat up and pulled my shirt off. Then, I looked down at her and said, "Your turn."

I saw Raylynx's eyes change and I saw the overthinking part of her brain clunk back into action.

"No, no way," she said. "Not with you looking like that."

I sighed. "What do you mean? It's just bodies, Lynx. What's the big deal?"

I tried to tug gently at the bottom of her shirt, not actually to yank it off, but to help her relax and let her know that it was all right if she wanted to. But Raylynx firmly held down the bottom of her shirt with both hands.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I have scars," she said.

"So do I," I replied.

"I don't see them."

I turned my back to her, and it was, in fact, covered with scars.

I heard her gasp softly.

"Dear ol' Mum and Dad and I'm sure Moony's on there too somewhere," I explained.

I felt her fingers gently trace one of my scars.

"Do you find me unattractive because of it?" I asked, turning back to her.

"No, of course not," she said softly. "But it's different."

"It's not," I replied. "You're just feeling self-conscious."

She paused, knowing that I was right, but not wanting to admit it.

"Fine," I said teasingly, "I guess I'll just have to take your mind off things."

I leaned over and kissed her again, pushing her deeper into the pillows. I flicked my tongue against her bottom lip, and she moaned softly. The sound of her soft moan sounded so sweet to me. My lips started to move lower, and lower, and I left a trail of kisses and soft bites down her jaw and neck, earning more soft moans from Raylynx. I pulled down her shirt just slightly to kiss her collarbone and shoulder before sucking gently on her neck again.

She reached out to hold onto my shoulders and tilted her head back to let me press my lips harder against her neck. She instinctively pushed her hips against me, and I could feel myself starting to respond to her.

I pushed myself lower on the bed and kissed her stomach through her shirt before gently lifting it, so that I could see her hips and her waist. Inside my mind, I groaned softly. I wanted her so badly. Leaning down, I kissed her stomach softly. Her breath caught.

"Sirius," she called out softly.

"What is it, love?" I murmured between pressing kisses across her hips.

"You're not- You're not bothered by the scars?" she asked me, while trying to catch her breath.

"No," I said, and gently traced a ragged scar on her hip with my fingers.

I sighed a little, and despite how I badly I wanted her, I said, "Let's stop there."

"What?" she said, still a bit breathlessly. "Why?"

I softly pulled her shirt back down before lying beside her, and pulling her to me.

"Do you not want me anymore?" she asked me. "I probably spoke too much and broke the mood."

I chuckled. "Well, yes, we were chatting too much for my taste. But that's not why. And I'll always want you. If I could have it my way, I'd have you right here, right now. It's just that..." To be honest, I didn't quite know how to tell her the strange hesitation in my own mind, but I tried to explain it. "I don't want you to have my experience of using and being used."

"Oh."

I paused. "What do you mean 'Oh'?" I asked her. "You sound rather disappointed."

"No, I'm not disappointed. It's thoughtful of you to say that," she replied. "I just feel like that's an old romantic notion and I thought you didn't do mushy, soft stuff."

"Don't you worry, it won't be soft. It'll be plenty hot. You won't be able to stop moaning my name," I murmured and reaching down, I let my fingers drift over the inside of her thigh.

Raylynx blushed a fiery red all the way to the tips of her ears.

I laughed out loud. "You're never going to beat me at this love. I'm way ahead of you in this one," I said affectionately.

"I'll catch up," Raylynx promised. "I'll be better at this, I promise."

"Love, there's no rush," I assured her. "You're right: We should take it slow. After all, I don't want to mess up the one good thing in my life right now."

She frowned slightly. "What's that?"

I flicked her on the forehead lightly. "You, dummy."

She smiled and slid her arms around me and hugged me tightly while resting her head against my chest.

I reached down and gently stroked her hair.

"Lynx?" I said.

"Hm?"

"You know how both of us have a lot of scars on our bodies? Thinking about it, we probably got a lot of those scars together, on our missions together."

I felt her smile against my chest. "Thank you, Sirius," she murmured.


Raylynx' POV

The first few weeks of October bled away in a flurry of autumn leaves and gusts of wind.

I hadn't been able to spend much time with Sirius since the first week of October, except in random stolen moments here and there: "affairs from the war", we called it. We both considered ourselves married to the cause and whatever moments we garnered together were "stolen": hurried, rushed, whispered, and brief.

It was strange. I could never have imagined that such a fragmented relationship could make me feel so whole. Not totally whole, of course. I would never be complete again in my life. But he was the same.

Being with him reminded me of the reason I started it all. It reminded me of my own agency and it reminded me that I was not just a bad person lost in my own decision and in circumstances too big for me.

Around Sirius, I felt -well, not exactly free because of all the secrets we each guarded alone- but warm.

And the anxiety of being in a relationship slowly bled away. I became more comfortable around him. He could see it. When he caught my gaze, I could look back a little longer and that made him smile.

Although he knew how to change all in a hot second. All he had to do was put his hand on my thigh and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. It made me, literally, angry.

But I could get him back, too. He didn't know that when he confessed about kissing Remus, he'd actually handed me months, possibly years, worth of teasing material.

As a joke, we developed this strange way of holding hands. One person would just put their hands up, like a dog put up its paws, and the other person would intertwine our hands together.

We were so immature. But like Sirius said, that's how it should be. We were young and while together, we felt like we could be just a bit more normal and that helped us keep our sanity with everything else.

But after that early October visit, when Sirius had confessed that he'd gone back to Grimmauld Place, I had made up my mind to tell Sirius about Regulus, and had been thinking up a way to tell him that wouldn't implicate my hunt for Horcruxes.

I'd finally resolved that I would simply tell Sirius that during my travels after leaving the Order, I'd come upon his records, and I would also tell Sirius that I had known Regulus at Hogwarts, and that we had been very close friends at one point.

As anxious as I was about telling Sirius, I knew that it was the right thing to do. Sirius must be worried sick about Regulus, and I had suffered enough anxiety over my own siblings' well-being to know how gut-wrenching and utterly draining it was to not know whether your sibling was alive and if they were all right.

So, when Sirius finally sent me another note through Aberforth (who told me that he was not going to play at messenger anymore and demanded that Sirius and I find a new way to smuggle our "love notes" to one another, to which I responded that he was being overly dramatic as there had only been two such notes since I'd started working for him), I promised myself that I would tell Sirius about Regulus.

I couldn't sleep a wink that night, and when the morning finally rose on a frosty October 30th, I felt incredibly anxious. But I came over to his apartment again. We easily fell into our normal banter and just talked about random things while lying together on his bed. Sirius had run into Xenophilius Lovegood in Hogsmeade, and informed me that he and his wife were expecting a child. In truth, throughout our conversation, I was mustering up the courage to tell him about Regulus.

"That reminds me," Sirius said. "When are you going to tell me who your first kiss was?" he asked, prodding me in the stomach.

"Never," I said.

"Who was yours?" I asked quickly, before he could follow up.

He paused, thinking.

"Fourth- no, third year. Some blonde girl, I forget her name."

"Oh yeah, I forgot who mine was too," I said quickly. "Some blonde bloke, probably."

"Stop lying, Lynx," Sirius scoffed at me.

"What about a boyfriend?" he asked. "Did you ever bring a guy over to your parents?"

"Is that how relationships work?" I questioned. "I bring my boyfriend to meet my parents, and then what? If enough time passes, we get married or something?"

"Hell if I know," Sirius shrugged. "I'm just going off of what I saw in some Muggle movie Lily forced me to watch. The lunatics I grew up with still had arranged marriages to keep the bloodlines pure." He rolled his eyes.

"I probably wasn't the type of guy that girls would bring to their parents, anyways," Sirius said nonchalantly. "I mean, I'm not really any parent's idea of a good guy."

"No kidding," I said wryly, but I was teasing. I was pretty sure my parents would have loved him, especially my father.

"It might have been nice with your parents, though," Sirius said, thinking it over. "They wouldn't be familiar with my family's background, right? I guess it'd be nice not to have people assume I'm just a "blood purist" or "blood traitor", which is basically all I am with any other Wizarding folk."

"That's not true," I said.

"Well, it sort-of is," he said, shrugging. "Purists think I'm a traitor. Traitors think I'm a purist."

"But to your parents, it'd just be about my character…" Sirius said wistfully.

He paused, then grinned and said, "Yep. They'd love me."

I laughed at his playful arrogance and quipped, "Yeah, my parents love humility, and you just have loads of that."

Sirius smiled at me more genuinely and said, "Nah, I'm not that confident, but it might be a good change for once."

"Your parents would hate me," I said to him knowingly.

"No question about it," he replied casually.

Seeing my face fall, he said quickly, "That's a compliment, by the way."

"I still want them to like me, oddly enough," I admitted.

Sirius laughed. "Trust me, you don't. If they hate you, that's how you know you're a decent human being."

A decent human being… Regulus was far more than a "decent' human being. Tell him. Tell him now.

Finally, I turned to Sirius and said, "There's something I have to tell you."

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius arched an eyebrow at me. "If it's to tell me that you're leaving again, don't bother. I'm not letting you go this time."

"No, it's not about that," I managed to say, halfheartedly. I took a deep breath as I stared down at the bed. I played anxiously with the blanket in my hands.

Knowing that something was off, Sirius pulled me into his arms. I resisted a little, but he was too strong and ultimately, I was too willing. He hugged me against his chest, my head tucked under his chin. My heart thumped. I had to tell him. I had to tell him about my relationship with Regulus in order to tell him about how Regulus had always been on our side and how he'd loved Sirius his whole life.

I opened my mouth to tell him everything, when Sirius spoke first and said softly, "Come live with me, Lynx. When all this is over, I mean…"

The words abruptly died in my throat. My mouth stayed open, but I was stunned into silence.

Sirius let me go a little to peer into my face.

"Sorry, was that too sudden?" he asked. "But I mean it. Let's live together."

"Sirius…" I said his name gently.

I tried again to tell him, but then he kissed me.

"Wait," I said, leaning back a little.

"I will wait for you," he said, his mouth still on mine. "However long you need," he said, and then added in a whisper, "just not right now."

I felt his lips smile against mine before he drew back slightly. "I know we can't have a perfect relationship," Sirius said earnestly. "I'm never going to meet your parents and you'll never meet mine, but still, we can be together, right? I mean, when this is all over and we've got the time and energy…"

I bit my lower lip anxiously. How could I break it to him right now? But I had to…

I closed my eyes and tried to speak again, but he had already leaned in to kiss me. I didn't have the heart to resist. Instead, I gripped his strong arms around me and kissed him back until I was breathless.


We fell asleep together, curled up in each other's arms.

I had the strangest dream, drawn from a memory from when I was investigating Horcruxes with Regulus.

"The Ring bearing the Peverell Coat of Arms," Borgin said.

"Yes," I nodded. "Mr. Burke located this ring successfully, didn't he? Tom Riddle had it."

"Maybe," Borgin said quickly. "We thought it belonged to someone named Marvolo Gaunt-"

"But it turned out to be Tom Riddle."

Borgin fell silent.

Instead, I said, "And the next time you found Mr. Burke, it was too late."

"But it took them six weeks to find him," Borgin said hoarsely. "Anything could happen in six weeks."

"Yes", I said, thinking of the Horcruxes that must have been created in that time. "Anything could happen."

"In those six weeks, you learned that Tom Riddle had left Little Hangleton, possibly to a foreign place-"

"Albania," Borgin supplied. "It was Albania."

I jerked awake and throwing Sirius' arms off me, said, "That's it!"

My heart was racing. Little Hangleton… Marvolo Gaunt… That's the lead I've been searching for!

Poor Sirius was waken up by taking a blow to the face with his own fist. He shouted in pain and tumbled off the bed.

"Raylynx Kingsley, you absolute sadist!" Sirius growled and tackled me down. "What the bloody hell was that for!?"

"Er- Bad dream?" I winced.

Groaning loudly, Sirius flopped back on the bed.

"Are you all right?" I asked him.

"Oh, please don't concern yourself with me," Sirius said, awfully sarcastic. "You only sent my own fist into my face."

Unable to keep from the humor of the situation, I teased, "Yeah, man. Why'd you punch yourself so hard?"

Sirius opened his one good eye and glared at me. It was not unlike Pendragon's frightful eye.

I laughed. I pulled out my wand and tapped it against the hand he had over his eye.

"Good as new," I said, as he pulled his hand away and blinked.

Then, I said in a more somber tone, "It's almost nighttime."

"Yeah," Sirius said, sitting up. "You should go before it gets any more dangerous."

I nodded and climbed out of bed. He also got out of bed and started to follow me out.

"Don't," I said, turning around. "Don't follow me out." I put my hands on his shoulders and tip-toed to kiss him. His hands grasped my waist briefly and he kissed me back before we parted.

"Be safe," he said to me sternly, following me out.

"I will," I promised. Then, I smiled, and said, "Thanks for spending your day off with me. I know that you don't get to rest nearly enough, what with having me come over when you finally do get days off."

"You bashed your head, I hit myself in the face... What more of a rest could I ask for?" Sirius replied, and he broke into his trademark smirk just before I slipped out, shutting the door behind me.

Once his door closed, I felt guilt tug at me. I'd failed to tell him about Regulus.

Next time, I promised myself. I'll make sure to tell him next time.