Ollivander's POV

I took immaculate notes on the King's Wand directly after Raylynx Kingsley left. I researched deep into the night, scribbling down everything I observed. I whirled around to snatch another bottle of ink, having filled pages of notes already. But when I turned back, I paused. The wand had disappeared. I sighed deeply. I had expected something like this to happen. After all, Raylynx had said that she had undergone a series of tests. I had not. Therefore, the wand deemed me unworthy of its possession. I stared at the spot where the wand had vanished with both miserable desire and deep satisfaction. I did not know if I would ever forgive the girl, but the bargain, at least, had been struck quite fairly.


Raylynx's POV

The next morning, I was back at the Ministry, demanding to see a list of witnesses that testified against Sirius Black. But they had had well enough of me, so they actually did throw me out. But just as I was being forcibly escorted from the Magical Law Enforcement and led down the stairs, a voice called out, "Raylynx Kingsley?"

I thought I recognized the voice, but I was too busy resisting the officer trying to get me down the stairs to really process it.

Then, the voice called out again, "Ms. Kingsley!"

"Excuse me, officer!" the same voice shouted. "Would you please let go of that person?"

I felt myself being tugged out of the officer's hands. I tried to turn and look but the person had both hands on my shoulders and my back was slightly pressed into the person's chest, so I couldn't tell who it was, only that this person was taller than me.

"She's to be escorted off premises," the officer frowned at whoever had pulled me away.

"Then I'll see to that," the person said firmly, and I could tell the voice was masculine. The person gently pushed me forward, guiding me towards the stairs, and walked behind me as I went down the stairs. The officer watched us warily until we were out of sight.

As soon as the officer was gone, I turned around on the landing.

I blinked a few times.

Wait, isn't he-?

My mind had to whir a few times before I recalled his name, "Mr. Riley."

Jasper Riley was the gentleman who had volunteered to test the Wolfsbane Potion back when I was working with the Kaiuses. He smiled at me, though he seemed a bit uncertain, no doubt because he'd just found me about to be escorted out by Ministry security.

"Ms. Kingsley," he returned. "It's been far too long."

"Thank you," I said, "for stopping the security guard."

"It's no problem," he said graciously.

"I'll leave now," I assured him. "But don't be surprised if you see me again."

He looked at me curiously. "Are you protesting something?"

"I'm protesting the imprisonment of Sirius Black."

He blinked in surprise. "You don't think a mass murderer should be locked up?" he asked.

"I don't think he is a mass murderer," I replied stoutly.

"But the evidence was so overwhelming, Black was sent to Azkaban without a trial," he replied.

"How would we know what the evidence surmounted to, since there was no trial?" I argued back.

Jasper fell quiet for a moment, his brow furrowed in thought.

Finally, he said, "With all due respect, I would give up this protest or at the least, I would be extremely careful about it. It's not something that people would consider up for debate. You may be painted in a bad light."

"Thank you for your concern," I said simply.

He studied me and then smiled slightly. "You're not giving up, are you?"

"No."

"Well, best of luck to you," he said. He nodded at me and then with a flutter of his cloak, he was gone.


I finally went home. Dumbledore knew I was back now, so there was no need to hide. And with all the celebrations surrounding the news that the Dark Lord was vanquished, I'm sure Maggie wouldn't miss me as much as she normally would. So I didn't return to the Magical Menagerie that night. I opened the door to my old house with the key I'd managed to keep with me throughout all those crazy journeys. I stepped inside and said quietly, "I'm home." Of course, there was no answer. I flicked on the lights. Everything was still perfectly in place.

"Incendio," I murmured. A spurt of flame shot into the fireplace, licking against the wood that had been untouched for so long.

I sat on the couch and stared numbly in front of me.

Of course I feel doubt. Of course I realize that the only logical explanation is that Sirius Black is the traitor. Of course I don't have any evidence to prove that Sirius is innocent. It's not that I trust Sirius unconditionally or that I think it's impossible that he would do this to us. I know that people betray for all sorts of reasons. People become distorted versions of themselves that they could never predict or condone. We are all twisted by difficult circumstances. To become a traitor would be far too easy. I wouldn't put that past him or anyone, least of all myself. Sirius has always been a bit of a loose cannon as well. He's impulsive and rash and thinks he can set everything right if he just has enough time… Maybe he hated seeing James and Lily cooped up all the time and decided to gamble for their freedom…

How am I supposed to believe that the man I spent those moments with only the past few months is also the man who was betraying us the past few months? I admit I completely fell in love with him in the short time we had together. So if Sirius is really the traitor, then I have to believe that all of my feelings and experiences these past few months have been for a man that never existed. In the end, this isn't about Sirius so much as it is about my own judgment and I trust my own judgment. I could never fall in love with a traitor. I just couldn't. Not after everything I had gone through. I wouldn't let myself do that. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. In the end, my own sense of purpose came before Sirius and that never faltered. Desire was nothing in the face of purpose.

But is it vain of me to think this way? Perhaps, but it's all I have to go on. It's all that's kept me together since this terrible war started.

Evening passed into a deep and terribly lonely night. I could feel my mind fighting valiantly to stop thoughts of Lily and James from flooding my mind. I closed my eyes, but Lily's pretty face entered my mind anyways.

We were all standing on the dock of the Black Lake at two in the morning and she was explaining the rules of her silly game.

She was insisting that we head down to Herbology first, forcing us to plow through the snow.

She was at all of my Quidditch games, standing in the front row of the bleachers through sun, rain, snow, hail, and wind, screaming everybody's name except James' and Sirius'.

She was staring at me sternly for putting my homework off. I squirmed as guilt ran through me, but I turned around and slept anyways. The next day, when I groaned and complained, she gave me a look that clearly said, "I told you so."

She was throwing her papers in the air, cheering that she was done with exams.

She was letting us into the prefects' bathroom, and laughing joyfully as we leapt into the rainbow-colored water.

She was worried because her Sev was changing and she didn't know what to do about it.

She was mad at me because James had pranked us both and written her with the stationary she'd sent me for Christmas. Sputtering, she held up the letter in my face and demanded to know what I was doing.

She put her arms around me and reassured me that Marlene was going to come around and that she missed me just as much as I missed her.

She was sobbing, saying that she had never asked to be a witch or a Muggle-born. Rejected by Petunia and then rejected by Snape… But she had built a life for herself all over again, starting with her parents and with us, and then slowly, with James Potter.

She was a mother. I wish I had been able to see her as a mother, between James and Harry, between two people who loved her and would never let go of her, regardless of what else she was.

I opened my eyes and breathed out.


It was strange, being able to move around in the Wizarding World without having to hide. People were enjoying their newfound freedom, and I was also trying to use it to my advantage.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

A minute later, it opened.

"Raylynx!" Alice threw her arms around me.

"Hi, Alice," I mumbled, hugging her back.

"I can't… I can't believe it's you," she said breathlessly, finally taking a step back.

Frank was standing right behind her, carrying a happy baby boy in his arms. "Raylynx, welcome! Long time, no see, eh?"

"And this is Neville," he introduced me to the baby gurgling happily in his father's arms.

My heart dropped. It was almost him.

Frank handed Neville to me.

"Hey, buddy," I said, cradling him. He was the funniest baby I ever saw. He was just so damn happy. Neville sucked in his lips and went cross-eyed. A sudden and short laugh slipped out of me.

I handed Neville back to Frank, who went to Neville's room to rock him to sleep.

Alice took my hand and started to lead me to the living room.

"I'm so glad you're safe," I said.

"Those are my words," Alice replied. "I had no idea where you went…"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I just needed to do some things on my own for- for a bit."

Alice nodded slowly. "I don't quite understand, but… but maybe now is not the time."

"I'll be right back," she told me, and left to prepare tea in the kitchen.

I glanced around the living room. Photographs of family and friends were hung up everywhere. In a small stand-up frame by the couch, there was a picture of Lily and James. I picked it up and softly gazed at their smiling faces. In the picture, James winked at me.

Alice came in just then. She set down the tea tray and then noticed the picture in my hand.

Hesitantly, she said, "I expect you've heard about… about Lily and James."

"Yeah," I said heavily. "I have heard."

Alice poured the tea before sitting next to me on the couch.

"I keep thinking..." Alice bit her lower lip. Then, she dredged up the words that had been eating away at her ever since Halloween. "I keep thinking it was them only because it wasn't us."

"Oh, Alice," I said.

"I keep thinking if Voldemort had come after Frank and Neville and myself, then Lily and James and Harry would still be alive." Her eyes slowly but surely filled with tears.

I shook my head and took her hand in mine. "No, you can't let yourself think like that. Lily would be so upset that you're thinking that."

Alice took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "You're right. I shouldn't think like that… not after what really happened."

"How did it happen?" Alice wondered, shaking her head a little. "They were under the Fidelius Charm. They should have been safe."

Then, her eyes fell on me. She said, "I have heard… There are rumors that said it was Sirius who betrayed them."

I wasn't sure whether it was a question or an accusation.

"I also heard that Peter tried to track him down and that Sirius killed him." Alice looked at me uncertainly.

My hand tensed in hers.

"Ray? What is it?"

After so many years apart, Alice could still read me like an open book.

"It's just hard to believe that Sirius would really…" I shook my head.

Alice watched me with a complicated expression that made me feel uneasy.

I looked away.

"Well, it's all over now," Alice sighed regretfully. "He's already in Azkaban."

We fell silent for a while.

The confessions were at the tip of my tongue. In truth, I wanted someone else to know that I loved Sirius. I wanted someone else to bear witness that my feelings for him were real before I went completely insane in my own mind. Before, James had known and I had felt safe with him knowing because he, too, loved Sirius equally as much. But even if Voldemort had disappeared for the time being, it still didn't feel safe to admit those thoughts.

I changed subjects. "You're still an Auror, right? You must be busy these days."

Alice nodded. "They're making themselves scarce, so they've been difficult to track. And quite frankly, we don't have enough Aurors."

She paused, then, as though she had thought of something.

"Why don't you try to be an Auror, Ray? After being a member of the Order, you're more than qualified. Of course, you'd still have to undergo formal training."

"Oh, I don't know," I said quickly. "I don't think the Ministry would be pleased to have me there."

"Why's that?" Alice asked.

I fell silent again. Then, I had a thought. If I want to free Sirius, but I know the Ministry won't listen to me, then maybe, as an Auror, I could do something from within the Ministry. And this way, I would be doing something productive, something that Lily, James, Marlene, and Dorcas would all do if they could… I'd be a part of the hunt. I'd be with Alice, too. Maybe it's not such a terrible idea after all.

"How do you become an Auror, exactly?" I asked.

"Well, under normal circumstances, you would have to be accepted in the Training Program and then be an Auror-in-training anywhere from two to three years. But given the circumstances, Aurors-in-training are being sent onto the field, too. The fact is that Death Eaters are fleeing left and right and we need as many volunteers as we can get. It helps to score well on the entrance exams, too. That tends to put you on the field right away."

Crouch's annoyed face filled my mind. I grimaced a little, but then I thought, All the more reason to do it. Become an Auror and figure out what really happened from right under his nose.

But I felt that I didn't want to be an Auror.

I wanted peace. I wanted quiet. I wanted to detangle myself from the war for just one week.

"I don't know," I said to Alice. "Being an Auror… It doesn't seem right for me."

Alice nodded understandingly. "Of course, Ray, it's completely your choice."

"Let's lay flowers at their graves soon," I said.

"Yes, let's do that together."


I gathered up the courage to visit my brother and sister as well.

Only, I'd found that my brother had moved out.

"He left about two months ago," Sola told me as I sat down at the counter in her kitchen.

"With Amy?" I asked.

"Of course," she answered.

"What about you?" I asked. "Are you still averse to magic?"

She looked down as she answered, "I still don't use it, if that's what you mean. But I've accepted that you and Jamie always will."

"Jamie wanted to help you," I said.

"He did," she replied quickly. "I can perform basic spells again. In fact, I think most of my magic's returned to me and I could do more, if I really tried. But I just don't…" She shook her head.

"What if he'd stayed? What if I stayed with you?" I pressed.

"He can't stay with me forever. Neither of you can," she said, and smiled sadly.

"I would do it," I said. I could, now that I wasn't dragging her into the war against the Dark Lord. "If you just tell me you want me to, I'll stay with you."

"I'm all right, I promise," she said softly. "I've made peace with it."

I held back a sigh and nodded.

"You know, Sola," I said. "I'm sorry. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. But I was trying to protect you. I figured you'd… you'd done enough, really. It was my turn to step up. But I failed. I hurt you and I hurt Jamie and I doubt he'll forgive me."

"Raylynx, stop," Sola said, putting her hand on my arm. "You don't have to explain. We just reversed roles. I know what it feels like, to try your best and still not be enough. I failed, too. Jamie was injured. Mom and Dad died. You were estranged from me and felt like you had to protect me, even though you're my younger sister. I know what failure feels like."

With my other hand, I reached over and squeezed her hand.

"As for Jamie, he's already forgiven you," Sola said. "I'm not saying he won't be angry when you see him, but he misses you too much. Besides, mostly we were just confused as to what had happened…"

She looked at me with inquiring eyes.

I bit my lower lip. "I still can't say."

She nodded. "Well, you should go see him when you have the chance. He's in London. I'll write down his address."

She left the room to grab a pen and a sheet of paper. I stared after her lonely figure and made a mental note to visit her more often.

She was right about Jamie. He was angry with me and angrier when I told him I still couldn't tell him what had happened with Amy, but she reached out to him and calmed him down. By the time I had to leave, Amy felt comfortable around me again and Jamie sighed as he hugged me and told me gruffly to visit him again.


Alice and I went to Peter's grave, then Marlene and her family's, Dorcas', and finally James and Lily's grave in Godric's Hollow. We laid flowers down together.

There are more of them in heaven then on earth with us, I thought. Alice wept silently besides me.

I thought of something Dorcas had said to me once, back when we were in Hogwarts and she'd destroyed my new chess set playing against Frank. "Can't promise anything, the nature of war calls for brutal sacrifices."

But… I don't think is what you meant.

I watched over the graves silently.

What do I do? If I could have told you everything, what would you advise me to do? Go after the Horcruxes or protect the people here? Going after Slughorn's full memory is too risky with Dumbledore right now and it could put Slughorn into a dangerous position if too much is revealed while this witch hunt for Death Eaters is going on right now. I should go after this Marvolo Gaunt in Little Hangleton, but… But what about the remaining Death Eaters threatening my friends here?

Looking down at the tombstone, my answer was clear. Hold the fort.

There was more at stake here at the moment. It was my turn to take up the empty posts.

It was not about what I wanted or what I didn't want. It was about what I had to do, about not shying away from responsibility. My whole life was about responsibility, but it would all be worthless if I gave up halfway. So I made up my mind.

"I'll do it," I said aloud. "I'm going to be an Auror."

Alice heard the determination in my voice.

She nodded and replied, "I'll put in a word for you."

She looked back down at the tombstones and said quietly, "I know what you're feeling, Ray. You want to stop, but you can't, because you're holding so much in your heart and it feels disloyal to let go."

I didn't reply because her words struck me so deeply, but she knew. Emotionally, Alice had always been, and would always be, one step ahead of me.

I sighed. It seems that Dumbledore was right. Ultimately, I'll stay for the same reason I left.


a/n: Happy New Year's. Thanks for the beautiful comments!