This one I really wanted to rewrite, because I had no idea wtf the past me was thinking.

...I don't think he was thinking anything, actually.


Interdimensional RED-Coded Contract

Wrong Number


Once the girls left, things started getting more lively. Engineer placed down a teleporter that led to their camp, while others started to clean up the area and remove the evidence. The dead bodies were neatly arranged and Medic was salvaging useable organs while cutting the bodies into pieces. Those pieces were then thrown into a bucket and planned to be either buried or incinerated.

Maxie was kept under surveillance, as she tried to struggle and nothing short of death itself would dissuade her, and Histoire wanted her alive.

While everyone busied themselves with something, Sniper pulled Spy aside for a private discussion. The two assassins went around the corner for privacy, though they could still hear Medic… doing his own thing.

"There will be hell involved once she finds out, you do know?" Sniper said, pointing an accusatory finger at Spy. The french simply blew out the cigarette smoke, irritation plastered on his face.

"It won't be as bad as you think." Spy retorted. "The Administrator can be understandable if you know how to talk to her."

"And you think you can?" Sniper deadpanned. "You think that Miss Pauling simply won't lead you to a dark room and kill you for insubordination?"

There were quite harsh penalties for breaking the contract and deserting, and both men knew that. Sniper wanted to avoid trouble that would come by messing with the Administrator, while Spy wanted a better pay and work environment, both of which he hoped that Histoire will be able to provide.

"Ooh, vunderbar!" Medic exclaimed, loud enough for Sniper and Spy to hear him. He found a corpse that was remarkably untouched by the bullets, and was now happily holding a pair of lungs that were in pristine condition.

The other mercs ignored him.

"As I said, if you know how to talk to her." And Spy pried himself for his charisma and social skills, unlike the savage bushman standing in front of him.

Sniper suddenly got very close to his face, causing Spy to lean away in disgust. "Personal space-"

"If Miss Pauling starts babbling something about insubordination and punishment, I'll throw you under the bus. Got it?"

"Fine." Spy agreed, and Sniper finally left his personal bubble. The australian left without another world, his piece already said. He went inside and sat on a couch, polishing and sharpening his Kukri. Spy meanwhile activated his cloak and left the area, off to check on Engineer.

The texan tried to establish connection with the Administrator, both to explain their absence and notify her of Histoire. He tried using his phone to do it, but the giant brick wouldn't get a signal. He was forced to use the ASIC's phone… which had Spy's sapper attached onto it.

Getting the sapper out was as easy as hitting it with a wrench. The phone itself was amazing, way more advanced than anything he has seen. It was alien in design and very small, small enough to fit within his palm.

Engineer was already experienced with an Australian phone, but even that tiny piece of glass and plastic made his eyes widen. No buttons but a touch-interactive interface, way more advanced than any of his gadgets or Gray Mann's Robotic Army.

...He even dared to say this design surpassed him.

Spy walked up to Engineer, followed by Scout. "Hey there, fellas. Whatcha want?" The texan greeted.

"Did you get in contact with Miss Pauling or the Administrator?" Spy asked.

"Yeah! I can't wait to hear Miss Pauling's voice!" Scout added, only for Spy to turn towards him.

"Hear her demanding to know why we abandoned our post and possibly ordering our deaths when she's not satisfied with our excuse?" Spy said.

That made Scout pause, only for a moment. Then he nodded at Spy. "...She's cute when she's mad."

The corner of Spy's mouth twitched, as he tried hard not to grin and laugh in his teammate's face. Fortunately that was made easy as the phone in Engineer's hand started to ring, a cheery tune catching the attention of everyone around. The name CFW Judge was shown on the screen, with an option to either 'Answer' or 'Reject' the call.

Engineer stared at the screen, unsure what to do. Scout raised an eyebrow and wasn't afraid to voice his confusion. "Who's this pal?"

Smoke gathered around Spy, quickly turning him into Maxie. "Their boss, give me that!" He ripped the phone out of Engineer's hands. They just killed everyone inside this post, it wouldn't do good if they were to alert anyone that people here are dead.

Within a moment his mind switched to the character of Maxie, and to everyone who wasn't from his team he sounded and looked like the ASIC leader too. Spy tapped his gloved finger on the 'Answer' button while pressing a finger to his lips, silently telling them to stay quiet.

"Yes, sir? Maxie here." Spy said, his voice female.

"Is everything alright on your end? Did you get them? I was just told that we lost signal and I was about to go there myself." The man on the other side said.

Spy inwardly scowled. If the ASIC was remotely keeping watch on their communication line, then sapping their phone wasn't the smartest idea. Now they knew that something happened and Spy had to dissuade their suspicion.

"Everything is clear, sir! Some prankster just decided to cause us some trouble, we got it fixed now."

Spy hoped that he would buy it. Unless there was something Spy missed then they shouldn't have any reason to doubt Maxie's word.

"Tsk, damn idiots…" The robot muttered on the other end. "And what about them? Do you have them already!?" A series of loud clangs and then something like a pile of stuff falling down could be heard in the background, it was actually painful to hear because of how loud it was.

"Sir? I didn't catch that."

"I AM ASKING!" Spy jerked his head away as CFW Judge screamed into his ear. "IF YOU CAUGHT THE GIRLS! THEY SHOULD BE IN PLANEPTUNE BY NOW!"

For a brief moment Spy wondered if CFW Judge referred to those girls his team just escorted here who gave them an opportunity for employment. However if he did refer to those girls then that explained why they were wary of them, besides the fact they were armed.

As much as he was curious, he didn't want to risk anything. "No sir! We're still waiting."

"GAAAH!"

Another loud shout, followed by more crashes that made Spy wince. Talking to him was a hazard to his ears.

"Useless! All of you, useless!" CFW exclaimed. Spy simply rolled his eyes at the poor employer's etiquette. "They should be going to Planeptune first and foremost! That was a CPU from Planeptune they rescued! They must go there!"

Spy frowned at the word 'CPU', shelving the term to learn later. Instead he focused on ending the conversation as fast as possible without raising too much suspicion. "We'll keep watching, sir!"

"See that you do, Maxie. See that you do." CFW Judge growled before hanging up. Once he was sure that the call ended Spy handed the phone back to Engineer.

"We may have wrapped ourselves into something." The merc said. "People here were posted to keep watch on 'some girls' who were scheduled to walk through here at any moment. I did not find out their description but that may or may not be our Mademoiselle IF and Compa."

"They were tailed?" Engineer asked.

"Possibly." Spy nodded. "And we just helped them. Let's just hope none of this has any meaning to the Administrator."

Spy wanted to keep his hands to himself, fearing that he might anger their employer. Not only that but it was none of his business; they were shown where the nearest civilization is, they escorted the girls to said civilization, that's how the deal went and Spy was satisfied with keeping his end. He would do more if that job offer proved itself to be intriguing.

Scout however was worried about these girls, because they were two cute young women and Scout enjoyed their company. Even if they barely interacted. "So what, we let 'em walk 'lone to that Plane-something with some knuckleheads trying to girl-nap 'em?" He said, his voice raised.

"Sorry boy, but we have our own problems to deal with right now." Engineer said.

"Besides, we're occupying what appears to be the sole entrance to the city. If someone is still chasing them they'll have to travel through here." Spy added. "Engineer, could you finally call Miss Pauling?"

The merc nodded and started poking the screen again, trying to find the call function with little success. While he was doing this, Scout found Maxie's whip and out of boredom he started examining it.

"Did you notice it?"

Scout turned his head around and saw Spy taking a step towards him.

"Ya mean the crits? Yeah I felt that…"

There was no mistaking this feeling of your body getting obliterated by a shock. This whip was conducting electricity, which meant mini-critical damage. Scout grabbed the whip and pressed the button on its grip. The lash started crackling with electricity, eager to strike and hurt anything it goes into contact. Scout stared at the weapon for couple of minutes before throwing it away, muttering "Stupid damn crits…" under his breath.

He was not a fan of being whipped if that wasn't clear already.

...

It took Engineer over a quarter of an hour to get into the contacts menu and figure out that's the call function. To his annoyance Scout was constantly looking over his shoulder, asking if he was done every few minutes.

"Yes, boy. It's done already!" Engie snapped, not even his patience being able to withstand the constant buggering.

"It took you about fifteen minutes to call someone with a phone." Scout smiled. "And you're our tech guy?"

"Boy." Engineer said, his tone suggesting that he was ready to unleash hell upon him if he continued.

"Scout. Shut up!" Spy said.

"I mean, I know that technology can be hard to get but- alright! Alright!" Scout raised his hands and chuckled as the texan raised his wrench, about to seriously mutalite his teammate.

Engineer glared at the annoying teammate as he backed off, once he was sure the little guy won't annoy him again the texan started typing out the Administrator's private number, ensuring that he'll talk to her and not to some middleman. He pressed call and put the phone to his ear, his chest beating as he waited. It shouldn't be too long.

"The following number doesn't exist, please contact your phone service provider for more information…"

...Huh?

Engineer checked the numbers he typed, and found out that he accidentally misplaced two of them. He fixed it and called again. The Administrator would quickly pick it up and Engineer could start explaining himself.

"The following number doesn't exist, please contact your phone service provider for more information…"

The mercenary frowned in confusion, this time he knew that that the number was correct. Did the Administrator changed numbers without telling him? Was that leading to a disposable phone that was now disposed?

"Is something wrong?" Spy's question fell onto deaf ears as Engineer typed a different number, one that he knew would be more permanent. This time he was more annoyed than hesitant, after two failures and-

"The following number doesn't exist, please contact your phone service provider for more information…"

-and now Engineer was truly at loss. He stared at the phone while Spy stared at him, awaiting explanation. Engineer simply handed the phone back to Spy and let him do this himself. Spy took the device with a wary look on his face, thinking that his teammate was throwing him under the bus or didn't had the courage to call their superior. Spy checked the number that was typed into the phone, recognizing it as one they should call if they needed to relay something to the Administrator. He pressed call and waited.

It didn't take him long to figure out the problem. The phone said that this number doesn't exist, but that was impossible. That number was one of the few permanent means of contacting the Administrator, it shouldn't be taken down no matter what happened.

Was the area they were in completely isolated from the rest of the world, or was the answer something different? Something more… ridiculous.

Whatever it was, it didn't change the fact that they couldn't get in touch with the Administrator, nor with other people. Whatever number Spy tried to call apparently didn't exist. Miss Pauling's, Mann Co.'s, Saxton Hale's, every attempt failed.

Spy was confused, which he voiced it out with three nice words.

"What the hell?"


Medic felt that this whole trip was worth it. He managed to get himself a nice pair of lungs, a few hearts with only small pieces of meat missing, and a functioning liver for Demoman, in case his previous liver gives up.

While his supply of organs was refilled, he also cut the bodies into pieces and put everything into buckets. Now they had to dispose twelve buckets full of blood, flesh and organs before the police went to investigate.

...Actually, why are they not hearing the sirens by now? They aren't that far from Planeptune, someone must've heard the shots and explosions, so some sort of peace-keeping force must've been notified.

D-Did Histoire pulled some strings? She did say she was the Oracle of Planeptune, whatever that meant.

Medic shelved this line of thought for later, as he looked for a certain fire-loving teammate. Medic didn't feel like digging a hole to dump the bodies, so perhaps Pyro could help him incinerate them. "Herr Pyro!" Medic yelled, and a mercenary in question popped its head from behind the corner.

"Mmph?"

"Vould you mind helping me?"

The bodies were… disposed.

In a manner that, while they could be found, absolutely no evidence would remain.

They could bury them of course, in fact that would be a smart idea to do, but Medic and Pyro felt too lazy to do it. It was late at night and they just recently fought a group of people on top of the seemingly-endless army of robots. Sometimes Medic just didn't feel like digging a mass grave to hide his handiwork.

Let people watch, for once.

Wildlife also helped them with the process. Medic learned new things about these 'Dogoos'; they're attached to smell, they're not bright creatures and they're flammable. Very flammable. They could use them as fuel if they bothered to catch a lot of these things.

An absurd amount of them because their gel burned out in mere seconds. At first Pyro was ecstatic about the intense flames it could create with those, but that shifted into annoyance as even it struggled to keep the fire going.

Awesome, but impractical. Burning the entire forest would yield better results.

While they had their bonfire going they also had a genius idea to use this opportunity to cook some food; they haven't eaten in a while and that constant fight was making Medic hungry, a feeling shared among his teammates. So it would do them good to have a nice meal while sitting down and finally stopping to think and talk about their situation.

A yawn escaped Medic's lips, a long and drawn out sign that he was getting tired. The sun already settled a long time ago, and now all that was left was night, darkness and the lights illuminating the warehouse complex. This would be either their time to sleep, or if Gray Mann was feeling like doing it again, fighting off more waves upon waves of robots. It depended on their luck.

The delicious smell broke the night air, catching the attention of the other mercs and the thought of food made them gather into one spot. Meat, bread, cutlery and condiments were distributed among the mercenaries. Couches and tables were brought and rearranged, the couches created a circle and with the tables at the center, ensuring that everyone had easy access to food.

"Thanks Pyro, that's some good bacon right 'ere." Engineer praised, before filling his mouth with bacon and bread, and then drinking it down with some beer. Pyro responded by giving the texan a thumbs up as it held a lighter to his portion of bread, burning it to a crisp.

"Aye, much better than whenever Sol's cookin'." Demoman added, much to the anger of his teammate.

"Ya one-eyed cross-dressing son of a bitch! My meals are made of pure American freedom! Manliness! And bloody BLU bastards' flesh!" Soldier yelled, chunks of food falling off his mouth.

Spy rolled his eyes. "Anyway, me and my colleague," he nodded towards Engineer, "have tried to call the Administrator. It didn't go well, apparently her contact numbers don't exist anymore."

"Huh?" Sniper blinked. "Now that's hard to believe. All of 'em?" There were a few permanent, but not well known, ways to contact the Administrator. Usually it was calling a middleman, giving the password, and depending on the circumstances they would either relay your message or outright redirect you to the top.

"Yup! We called and nothing! She just packed her things and left!" Scout cried out. "No more Administrator!"

He said it jokingly but no one laughed, only an awkward silence was what remained after his words. Scout eventually went back to eating, trying to pass it off like nothing happened.

"Maybe it's just that phone, do they have a second one?" Sniper said. With how cunning and prepared the Administrator was, it would be easier for him to believe that the phone was at fault.

"They don't." Spy said. "But we also tried to call with our phone… surprisingly we had no reception."

"None? That's weird." Medic said, taking a small sip of his beer. "Ve're pretty close to zhe city, vith basically nothing betveen us."

The only thing separating them from Planeptune was an empty field, no obstacles besides some lamps illuminating a road leading to the city. In theory they should be getting clear reception here, but they didn't. This confused them a lot.

"I got nothing on that, fellas." Engineer shrugged. "We do get some signal here, y'all. Their phone worked fine, it's just ours that failed."

"Then it's broke, yah?" Demoman said.

"Well… everything seemed fine about it. Batteries are full and the circuitry is fine."

"Talking about a phone will get us nowhere." Spy said. "Instead… has anyone here even heard of a place named Planeptune before?"

He got no answer.

"No? Me neither." Spy nodded. "Because if a city such as this existed on Earth, we would have known by now. We would have probably even fought there, either against the BLUes, or the robots."

"So?" Sniper urged.

"So I think we've found ourselves not on Earth, again."

It wouldn't be the first time they've done so, every year during Halloween the mercenaries have been having various adventures within the Underworld. Hopping around the pits of hell, fighting against magical abominations and even using magic was a common thing for them in October.

Soldier, hearing that they may have left Earth again, reacted appropriately.

"God damnit Merasmus!"

In a fit of anger and frustration the merc threw a piece of stale bread away. It bounced off the floor and flew out of the room, it wasn't missed by anyone. "It's not even Halloween yet!"

"The evidence is there." Spy continued. "We don't know where we are, we see creatures that I'm sure we can agree shouldn't exist on Earth, and if we just leave this building we can see a city that simply should not exist without any of us knowing."

Their phone didn't work but the local one did, with the civilization as globalized as it was something like this was weird. Each of these things would be curious or weird alone, but add everything together and there was something going on here.

The other mercs were genuinely giving it some thought, because they knew it too. They were already used to seeing things like these.

"So what do we do? Histoire?"

The mercs silently looked at themselves. Years they've spent together helped them know what the other was thinking. They only needed a momentary eye contact to exchange and carry out even the most complex plans.

They already tried to contact the Administrator, they made a genuine attempt to do that. With her out of reach the mercenaries had no goal, no objective, no income. It was only nine of them in a new alien world, with no past to hold them back. If they played their cards right and proceed with caution they might emerge victorious. If not… well, living as outlaws with hundreds or thousands of people killed wasn't so bad neither, they were the best mercenaries in the world afterall!

Spy voiced their thoughts.

"Yes, tomorrow we're going to check Histoire's offer."


The Administrator clicked her tongue in annoyance.

Saxton Hale was being useless hunting down his Yeti.

She couldn't find the RED mercenaries. Surprisingly even the Suicide Command didn't work. It was like they have vanished off the face of the Earth, and no matter how hard she and her contacts were looking, they couldn't find them.

Their families were clueless about their location and Miss Pauling didn't see anything off about the teleporter they used. The Administrator would love to have an actual expert check it, however Gray Mann managed to get a one-up on her. The moment the mercenaries disappeared from the Decoy base, Gray Mann's Carrier Tank unexpectedly made a U-turn and attacked the facility once more, however instead of destroying it like they did with Teufort or Goldrush, they simply captured it and began fortifying inside.

To Administrator's frustration, Gray Mann had to have realized something happened for him to launch another invasion.

And lastly the transportation of Australium has been delayed because of the former Logistic Manager's incompetence… now he was under six feet of trouble and a new manager was installed, hopefully he was less inept than his predecessor.

But there was also some good news.

Her pet project was progressing smoothly without any problems. If her men finish it on time then she could win this stupid war and take back what belonged to her. Gray Mann doesn't know about this, but this invasion was the biggest mistake of his life.

The Administrator will make sure of that.

And also Miss Pauling managed to organize substitutes for the missing Team Fortress, they even agreed for the same contract she gave the previous group of idiots. She got herself a new group of defenders and they'll be draining Gray Mann's money to do that, not hers or Saxton Hale's.

It always felt great when your opponent was an idiot. A Mann will always be a Mann.


Watching the mercenaries eat and talk from their hideout, one person sighed from relief as the girls from Planeptune entered the city's perimeters, unharmed and with Nepgear ready to wake up. Not only that but everything progressed just like they hoped, with Histoire giving a recruitment offer to the mercenaries.

"Finally." They said, feeling accomplishment wash over them. They were of a short stature, wearing a crisp black suit, with a vest to match and without their tie. A chair appeared behind them and they collapsed onto it.

"Now we're finally getting somewhere." They said before falling asleep.


Interdimensional RED-Coded Contract

Wrong Number


Well, a short, maybe unnecessary chapter, it's there only to show mercenaries' side of the night. But I still enjoyed writing it, especially Soldier's cannibalism moment c: (I wonder how many people I engrossed by it.) Also Interdimensional RED-Coded Contract reached 1000 views! Thank you guys for your support!

Responds:

- BreadNotDead - Gotta thank MortalitasBorealis here. He did amazing job on editing that chapter and added the special effect idea I overlooked (Oops xP) And yes Nepgear's awake, and she's going to personally Meet them All!

- Piggyslayer1235 – THANK YOU AND caps plz.

- Harmless Orange