Remus' POV

I sort-of invited myself over to Raylynx's house.

The truth is that I left my flat because I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay rent in the long run. I moved to a seedier part of London and found a broken-down little one-room there. It was all right, though. It was a Muggle place with leakage and the like, but with magic, I could fix up most of what was wrong. The only limitation was that I had to be careful not to fix too much and have my neighbors notice. Living here, I realized how lucky I was to know magic. I had direct access to things like clean water that Muggle residents struggled to get.

I didn't want Raylynx to know about my living conditions, however, and I figured she'd try to come find me soon after our last meeting, so I beat her to it and showed up on her doorstep.

"Oh, Remus! Hello," Raylynx. She looked a bit flustered, but her face broke out into a warm smile.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" I asked.

"No, no, come in," she said, practically tripping over herself to try to make me feel welcome.

I half-sighed and half-smiled. She was always like this. But I was relieved. At least she seemed better than when I had seen her last time.

She led the way to the dining room connected to the kitchen. The table there was a mess, covered in parchment.

She hurriedly tried to clear it and take the papers to her bedroom, sweeping them up into her arms.

"You don't need to move it, honestly," I tried to say, but she was already gone.

I sat down at the table and tried to stack together some papers for her. I had no intention of reading her private letters, but a name on the page caught my eye: Sirius Black. I paused. I tried not to look, but paper after paper bore his name. All these papers were either in Raylynx's handwriting or was stamped on top with the official Ministry of Magic logo. Even without reading, I could put two and two together. She was still fighting for Sirius.

I clenched the papers a bit tighter, but when she came running back to the table, I handed them to her without a word. She tried to read me as she took the papers, but neither of us said anything.

After she cleared the table, she spent an overly long time in the kitchen "preparing tea" and came back not only with tea, but also with sandwiches and all sorts of cookies. She set it all down on the table before finally taking a seat.

I was laughing internally.

"If I'd had known how much of a fuss I warranted, I'd have given you a warning," I said, grinning at her.

She laughed, a little breathless.

"You don't need to give me notice, ever," she said. "This is your second home, Remus."

Actually, if you put together all of my childhood homes, it was probably closer to my thirtieth home, but I decided not to mention that.

"Thank you," I said instead.

"Remus," Raylynx said. "I wasn't in my right mind last time, so I forgot to say this, but I've been meaning to apologize to you for ages."

I lifted an eyebrow.

"I interrupted you and Delaney that other day," Raylynx clarified. "I know it's been a while now, but I feel so embarrassed about it, but I never had a chance to say sorry."

"Oh," I laughed lightly. "Don't worry about it. You didn't interrupt anything, Raylynx."

"Well, thanks for saying that," she said morosely.

"No, really, it's not, er- we're not together anymore."

Raylynx looked up at me, asking for an explanation with her eyes.

"She's a bit younger than us," I explained. "She was still in Hogwarts for most of the war. It just gives her a different perspective on everything," I said. "It's not her fault, not at all. She was willing to listen, but I just couldn't explain to her how it felt… or what it feels like now." My voice tapered off at the end.

"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry… for last time," Raylynx said, her eyes downcast. "You came here to help, and I was so out of it, you left almost immediately. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of how I acted." She buried her face in her hands.

"No," I replied. "No, I understand, Raylynx."

She looked up at me.

Before I could stop myself, I confessed, "I… I saw Frank and Alice at St. Mungo's."

Raylynx's eyes tightened and she controlled her breathing for a moment.

"I understand why capturing the Lestranges affected you that way," I told her. "It would have been strange if it hadn't."

We were both silent for a while.

"I wanted to kill her so badly," Raylynx said softly. "I wanted to kill her with my own hands. How could I not, after what she had done to Alice and Frank… not to mention Neville. But time and time again, I don't."

She blinked and looked at me. "Remember that time we infiltrated the sirens' cave and afterwards Sirius yelled at me, asking me who's side I was on. Well, I find myself asking that question more and more these days. I don't think I was as good or strong as I thought I was, as I convinced myself I was."

"We all had to believe we were more than we were, or else we weren't going to make it," I reminded her gently, thinking about my own hellish experience as an undercover werewolf.

Raylynx nodded slowly, though her eyes were downcast.

The clock ticked forward and the silence went on. I started to wonder if I should go. Raylynx seemed to have disappeared deep inside herself somewhere.

But then, she looked at me again and smiled. "Sorry, I was just thinking of something. I may have figured something out."

"Figured what out?"

"Where I want to go," she replied. "To bury James and Lily's wands."

I stared at her in surprise.

"I went there as soon as I'd heard…" Raylynx started, then stopped herself. "Well, anyways, I've been thinking about places I could bury their wands. I wanted it to be somewhere peaceful, but full of life, not like a cemetery," she told me. "And I think I have a place in mind. Since I have some time off for the first time in ages, I'd like to go tomorrow. Would you like to come with me? I promise it's a beautiful place. "

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes."


I returned the next day. Raylynx was waiting for me on her front porch. We walked behind a cluster of trees lining the sidewalk. Raylynx glanced over her shoulder to check that no one was watching nearby. She held out her hand to me. Wondering where she was taking me, I put my hand in hers. Then, we Apparated.

I opened my eyes to find that we were in a forest.

Gentle autumn sunlight filtered down through the foliage, so that the sunlight left a dappled pattern on the forest floor.

The tree trunks were a light mauve or white and the leaves were thin and silvery.

My werewolf ears could hear a river running somewhere relatively nearby.

"Where are we?" I asked in wonder, looking up at the gorgeous trees and taking in the soft gold lighting. The wind blew gently through the trees and pale silver light flashed across the forest.

"It's the Forest of Dean," Raylynx answered, gazing at the scenery with the same wonder. "It's even more beautiful than I remembered it. Of course, I never really saw the forest. I was too intent on…"

She paused. Then, she took out a watch.

I recognized it as a coming-of-age watch.

But strangely, she looked at it repeatedly as she guided us through the forest.

Then, I realized that it definitely wasn't working as a watch. I'd left to visit her at around two in the afternoon. There was no way it was one in the morning.

"Er, Raylynx, what is that exactly?" he asked me.

"It's a watch," she said, but her tone made it obvious she was joking. "I've enchanted it to be a compass. A rather specific compass. The minute hand leads me back to the last spot I Apparated to and the hour hand leads to one particular spot."

We started to trek up a large hill.

"What exactly does the compass lead to?" I asked.

"Someplace you should know about," she replied- rather unhelpfully, I thought.

She huffed as we tripped over the last of the hill.

She got down on one knee besides a tree and for a second, I thought she was exhausted and about to hold onto the tree while she got her breath back.

Instead, she gently removed the foliage from the base of the tree. Then, she took out her wand and whispered a few words and to my amazement a crystal clear stream of water spurted out and then- All around the edge of the tiny spring, beautiful shimmering white plants blossomed up, poking out through the foliage. It glowed softly, infusing the air around it with a gentle white light.

"What…?" I began.

"It's the plant that makes the Wolfsbane Potion possible," Raylynx explained softly.

I slowly reached out and cautiously touched one leaf.

I felt an icy coolness spread over my hand and run down my spine. It was as if the taste of pure, concentrated mint had become a sensation. I shivered a little as I withdrew my hand.

"How did you find this?" I asked her, awed.

She just shook her head, a strand of hair falling out of her ponytail. "I can't explain it myself. But now you know where the plant is so that if you're ever in need and I'm not around-"

"Don't talk like that," I interrupted. I hated even thinking of her gone. She had lived through so much, and it was time for her to live a happy life. Merlin knows she deserved it.

Raylynx pulled out two wands from her cloak pocket. I recognized James' wand like the back of my own hand, and Lily's…. Raylynx knelt down again and gently pressing the wands against the truck of the tree, murmured softly. Slowly, the wands melted into the tree, still visible, but engrained into the bark in an X. You could find it if you knew what you were looking for, but only if you knew to look for it.

Raylynx gazed at the wands and said, "Ollivander once told me that wood is alive when it's a part of a tree, much as a flower is alive before it's picked. The work of a wandmaker, then, is to preserve that life as much as possible, even when the wood is cut from the tree."

She traced the X with her hand gently. "Maybe, like this, they'll be alive for as long as this forest, and watch over Harry."

She stood up beside me. We both stared down at the wands.

I felt a strange anger rise within me, tampered down by a much greater numbness. But then, James' face popped into my mind. I could hear him laughing at me and poking fun at me. "Cheer up, Moony," he would say. "I may have better hair than you, but you've got a proper tail whereas I've got a fluffy dot on my arse." I tried to smile back at him, if only in my head, but it was hard to hold that smile.

Lily's face appeared next. She would always look at me with such kind eyes, but I saw the pity in them too. "Remus, talk to me," she would beg. "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to be your friend, but I can't if you keep shoving me away."

"I loved her."

The words slipped out of my mouth so suddenly.

Raylynx looked over at me and I knew she was wondering if she heard right.

"Lily," I murmured. "I loved Lily."

"Not... It wasn't exactly romantic. I don't think I ever would have married her or anything, even if James hadn't been so in love with her. Even if they weren't perfect for each other. She grew into something different, I think, as she got older and she found herself. But I always had an image of her in my head, almost like kindness personified. Silly, isn't it?"

I laughed at myself a little. "Nobody is so simple."

"She and James were alike…" I heard myself say what I had always thought. "They were the only two beings that of such light and warmth that ever looked my way. Maybe that's why they fit so well together. They deserved each other, in the best way possible."

Small arms slipped around me.

I raised my arm and put it around Raylynx's shoulder.

We both gazed at the tree until the sun fell and then we made our way back to her house and our daily lives, which we and everyone else were so determined to pretend like it was normal and functioning and whole.


Raylynx's POV

It happened- a chance to move on, perhaps even a warning to move on.

Jasper and I were in the middle of another mission.

The plan had been for me to go in and seduce our target, an older man, into coming outside with me.

I'd failed, so we were reduced to sitting on the rooftop of a foreign bar, waiting for my target to walk out on his own incentive.

"I suppose it'll be too suspicious if I walk in looking totally different and smother him with bad pick-up lines again?" I asked, sighing.

Jasper chortled. "Way too obvious," he agreed.

I grimaced. "I never thought I'd say this as an Auror, but I wish I was more attractive. Then, we wouldn't be wasting time like this."

He sighed as he leaned back on the rooftop, laying his head back on his arms and crossing his legs. He was a bit exhausted from his transformation last night.

"Flirting's got nothing to do with being attractive," Jasper replied. "You're just a bad flirt."

He winked lazily at me and I shook my head at him.

"Seriously, though, you are quite bad at it," he told me honestly. "'Follow me for a night of wonder.' Where did you get that line from? And your voice got so deep, like a man's. Why'd you do that?"

"Here's another tip," Sirius said to me, a mischievous sparkle in his eye. "If a guy bites his lower lip and then draws his finger up to lips briefly, like this…" And he proceeded to do exactly as the other guy had done less than ten minutes ago. "And he lowers his eyes onto your lips…" He lowered his eyes, his thick eyelashes casting shadows on his skin. "And then speaks all husky like this… 'want a drink?' "

I almost laughed. Sirius' voice was low enough already, any "huskier" and he sounded like the bear-like dog he transformed into.

"… it means he wants to kiss you."

Still hiding my laughter at his ridiculous pose and voice, I merely sipped my drink in a dignified manner.

"Hey, are you paying attention?" Sirius broke out of his imitation. "I'm trying to teach you here!"

"I know how it works, all right?" I replied.

"Suuree you do…" Sirius rolled his eyes at me.

I'd sort-of forgotten Sirius' advice was about men.

I gave Jasper an uncomfortable smile.

"You know, you pick that stuff up around bars…" I said evasively.

"Then you've been going to the wrong ones," Jasper replied with an incredulous laugh. "Are you going out of your way to find these strange bars?"

"Nope, they are right in our local towns," I replied.

"Then let me take you to a better one," he suggested. "Some night when we're free."

I paused. Was he just asking me as a friend or was he asking me out on a date?

I glanced over at him to see him watching me watch him.

"Was that too abrupt?" Jasper asked, an odd smile appearing on his lips. "I meant no disrespect. It's been a while since I've done something like this."

Feeling like a teenager again, I questioned, "As friends?"

"Yes, of course we're friends," he said, matching my evasiveness.

"A drink sounds great, but you know you're my co-worker," I pointed out.

Jasper grinned. "I see you've taken a flighty response, a quick and formal getaway with my destination being the 'friend zone'."

I laughed a little. "I don't know, Jasper. I'm not sure we should go there."

"I'm not asking for commitment, nowhere near," he clarified. "Just… a chance- If something were to happen, a chance to let it take its course… Because the truth is, we don't know each other very well. And I would like to change that."

Then, the pub door opened, and that was that. We were focused in an instant, and leapt down to secure our prey.


When I was back home and washing off the day's work in the bath, I wondered vaguely if I was making a mistake. Am I doing myself a disservice by not even considering other men? Should I try to move on with my life now? It's been three years. I'm twenty-three years old and I've only dated one person, if I could even call that 'dating'. Never even been on a date. If not now, then when? I sighed and holding my breath, slipped below the water's surface with my eyes closed.


The next day, Jasper and I had to give our report.

Afterwards, he said to me, "I'm sorry if I startled you by what I said last night. But I genuinely meant it. I'd like to get to know you better."

I stared at him, trying to get myself to have some sort-of internal response. I waited for my heart to flutter or speed up or anything, but nothing happened. It's not that I wasn't attracted to Jasper. In my own way, I honestly was. He was a man, and a gentleman. He wasn't apologetic of who he was, but he was extremely considerate. He was brave and intelligent and kind. And yet in my mind, I was already taken.

Finally, I said, "Listen, Jasper, you're perfectly wonderful- you've been nothing but amazing ever since I met you-"

Jasper smiled and nodded. "All right, I see where this is going," he said.

Shit, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I can't explain… "I'm just a little caught up," I blurted out.

His brow furrowed a little as he asked, "In what? If it's dangerous, I can bet there are more agents after my life than yours."

"No, not like that," I replied. "I just… I think I left a part of myself behind with somebody who… who didn't really make it out of the war."

"Oh," he said quietly. "Oh, I see."

He sighed.

Dawlish and Savage came out into the hallway then and we both shut up.


But a little later, when it was just Savage and me closing down the office, Savage said, "I see you've been getting chummy with Jasper."

"We're mission partners," I reminded Savage.

"Nobody said you weren't," he said cheekily.

Then, he quipped, "He's a good partner, if you catch my drift. He's a real gentleman and I hear he comes from old money." He non-discretely rubbed his fingers together as though rubbing coins together.

I shook my head and carried on clearing away the papers on the table.

"Still, poor chap, eh?" Savage asked me. "Losing his wife like that and all? Money can't get that back for you."

I paused. "What?"

"You know, he's basically a widow," Savage said, as he shut all the filing cabinets. "You knew that, right? Three months into the engagement and he lost his wife. She got really sick with some variation of dragon pox, a strain no cure worked on. Well, that's what I heard."

"When was this?" I breathed out. It explained so much of Jasper's character. He was slightly older than me, but still so mature for his age. He had been ready to be married and prepared himself for the commitment of going for the long haul.

"She passed away a few years ago," Savage informed me. "He hasn't seen anyone since."

So that was what Jasper had meant when he said "It'd been a long time since I had to do this". He hadn't asked anyone out on a first date in a long time, then.

"Did you not know that?" Savage asked me. He scowled. "Shit, I hate being a snitch," he said.

"You love it, don't pretend," I teased.

He smiled and humored me, "Yeah, all right. If I'd have been born a girl, I'd have been a great gossiper."

His comment sounded like something Sirius would say. I smiled as the familiar pang of hurt went off in my heart.

I hid it as I snorted and said, "Yeah, ol' lady Savage, chatting about. That's who you really are, you know. You don't have to be a girl to be a great gossiper."

He chortled. "That's a great nickname. Maybe I'll use it for my code name: Old Lady Savage."

We stepped out together and left the Ministry.


My solo campaign to secure Sirius a trial did eventually attract attention, but not the kind I wanted.

Ahmed told me stiffly that I'd been called in to see somebody named Dolores Umbridge.

"Umbridge…" I mused. "I feel like I've heard that name before."

"She's responsible for a lot of anti-werewolf and anti-half-breed legislation," Jasper reminded me.

I had a sudden image of Remus sitting at the table, surrounded by applications and pulling at his hair angrily. Sirius, Peter, and I were watching him as he cursed.

My jaw clenched.

Shacklebolt looked at me warily and advised, "Keep your temper. She's not an easy person to deal with."


Keep your temper. I repeated Shacklebolt's words to myself as I marched into her room.

"Ah yes, Ms. Kingsley," Umbridge said sweetly. "I called for you, didn't I?"

I looked her straight in the eyes.

"News has reached me of your… indiscretion," Umbridge said and she gave me a pert, if not contemptuous, smile.

"Ma'am?" I said, trying to keep my voice light and level.

"You've been going about slandering the Ministry, haven't you?" she asked, her voice forcibly bright. Her voice and demeanor, so falsely honeyed, sent a tremor of unease down my spine.

"How's that?" I asked.

"It seems you are determined to put forth a most ridiculous claim: that Sirius Black may be innocent," Umbridge said, her voice becoming slightly higher. "This is simply impossible, so I must deduce that the only reason you have for making such frivolous demands is to cause a ruckus within the Ministry."

She picked up a folder and flipped through the papers. "I see from your file that you've been given undue favoritism in the Auror department," Umbridge continued. "Perhaps this has all gone to your head. Let me remind you of your place."

Keep your temper, I reminded myself harshly. I glanced down at her desk, knowing that my glare would tip her off to my rising annoyance.

But then- what the hell is that?

I snatched a piece of parchment off her desk before she could so much as blink.

"What do you think you're doing?" Umbridge snapped. "Put that down at once."

"What...What the hell is this?" I lifted the paper up to her face.

The paper had a photo of Sola, along with her old positions and a strict record of all of her rights campaigns and legal actions. At the very bottom, the word ESTRANGED had been stamped beside the category Status.

"What do you mean 'estranged'?" I seethed, shaking with fury.

Umbridge's carefully plastered-on smile turned into a sneer.

"Ah yes, Sola Kingsley," she said, looking at the photograph. "Your sister, yes? She caused all sorts of trouble with the Wizengamot and Magical Law Department. We were all quite happy to see her go."

"You see, your family has a knack for hindering progress," Umbridge said, and that simpering smirk made its way back onto her face. "You ignore the natural hierarchy of things, and thus seek to destroy the very institutions which provide peace for society. Sirius Black was imprisoned because it was right. Your sister lost her fanciful campaigns because she was wrong. So simple, isn't it?"

I made a sudden movement, as though to hit her.

Her wand was out in a split second. I froze.

"Yet you people find it so difficult," she snarled at me.

Suddenly, the door opened.

Her wand was stowed away before the sound of the door opening had died down.

Crouch appeared. He blinked, wondering what he had just seen.

"I'm afraid this has gone on quite long enough!" Umbridge was suddenly back to her prim and proper act. "I immensely regret your actions, but must act accordingly. You are dismissed from Ministry service."

I looked at Umbridge, unable to hide my surprise.

"You're… kicking me out?" I said numbly. "You're sacking me?"

"We are letting you go," Umbridge replied diplomatically, but her eyes flashed with victory.

I stared at her in disbelief.

"Now if you will please move along. You're disrupting the Head of Law Enforcement's time," Umbridge said pertly.

She beckoned to the door, where Crouch stood.

He said nothing, just stared at me impassively.

"You have no authority," I said uncertainly.

"Oh, I'll think you'll find I do," Umbridge assured me, with relish in her voice. "You may be favored as an Auror, but Aurors work as a branch of Magical Law."

"There's evidence of Sirius Black's innocence," I hissed, looking not only at Umbridge, but also at Crouch. "If you act in the name of the law, if you care at all about justice, you will see to it that Sirius Black gets a fair and free trial!"

"Enough of this," she said more forcefully. "I will not ask you to leave my office again. You will be escorted out if you spout any more of this nonsense."

I took a deep breath to control myself as I left the room, brushing harshly past Crouch.


I returned to the Auror office, where Shacklebolt, Dawlish, and Savage were sitting around the table in the main room. I bypassed them to the tiny office I shared and collected all my things.

They watched me for a good minute or so before Shacklebolt finally said, "A member of the Law Enforcement Squad came by to tell us you were dismissed. Is it true?"

I paused as I realized that Umbridge had planned this all along. Even before I'd stepped foot in that office, she'd meant to sack me.

"Yeah," I said, roughly shoving shut the now-empty drawer.

I stood up with a small box of quills and ink and whatnot.

"Well, this is it for me," I said.

I looked at each of them.

"Thank you," I said, with genuine emotion.

"I don't get it," Savage said bluntly. "What the hell did you do, girl?"

"She reminded me that Aurors take their orders from Magical Law Enforcement," I said, not answering Savage's question. "That reminder was enough to make me want to quit my job."

I saw a flash of hurt and understanding in Shacklebolt's eyes. He was all too familiar with the ongoings of the Law Department himself.

"So you're giving up?" Savage said harshly as Dawlish stared at me with a mixture of sympathy and confusion. "You're leaving us?"

"I was sacked, Savage," I said bluntly. "Umbridge fired me in front of Crouch. The fact that you already know means that she was planning to get rid of me before I even met her."

"I don't understand," Dawlish said finally. "You're one of the top newcomers here. Why would they relieve you of your position?"

Finally, Shacklebolt spoke up. "Is this about Sirius Black?"

"Sirius… Sola… you…" I shook my head and stared at Shacklebolt. "We may have won the war against Voldemort-"

"-Say You-Know-Who-" Savage hissed.

"-but we haven't won the war here. There is a deep-rooted corruption in our government that is more concerned with the appearance of justice than of justice. I thought being an Auror was exempt from that. Now I realize how naïve I was to think that."

"If I was anyone else, maybe I could stay here," I said. "Go on knowing that the higher-ups don't give a shit as long as we catch enough people for them to report to the public. But I can't because I'm Sola's sister and I'm your subordinate and I've seen what they've done to her and to you. I can't do this anymore, because I was friends with Sirius Black."

I saw Savage and Dawlish start in surprise, but Shacklebolt kept his eyes steadfastly on me.

"I'm not angry with you guys," I said clearly. "I've loved it here. You all gave me more respect than I ever deserved. So did Ahmed. I know that. But I can't work here. I didn't go through everything to work for people like Umbridge and Crouch."

I bowed my head to Kingsley and murmured my thanks to Dawlish and Savage as I passed them by and left the Ministry for the last time as an Auror.

I looked up at the building and thought, Alice, are you disappointed in me? That after all your support, I could only get this far? But I can't… I can't bow my head to people like Crouch and Umbridge. I wish you were here- to scold me or to calm me or whatever- I just wish you were here.

With a heavy sigh, I turned away. When will I find a place to stay? Is there something wrong with me? What if, at the end of all this, I only amount to someone who constantly runs away from her problems? Why is it that I still don't feel strong enough? Why is it that I still don't know what the right thing to do is? What if, after everything, all that loneliness and pain, I find that I was mistaken and that in becoming more independent, I lost the opportunity to contribute to the bigger picture? All this time, making moves on my own, was I being strong or was I being arrogant?

I grappled with my emotions all evening, but as night fell, and the thoughts became increasingly darker, I knew I was not going to find any stable answers tonight. Instead, I transformed into my cat form and let the emotions filter out.


"Crookshanks, love. You've been gone for so long. I thought you ran out on me."

Warm arms picked me up, nudging me out of my sleep and into a drowsy state of semi-consciousness.

I felt myself being sat on a warm lap.

I purred and curled up as Maggie stroked my head.

"I'm glad nothing happened to you," she said and scratched me gently behind my ears.

My tail flicked happily and I fell asleep again. But in the back of my mind, I still wondered if I was ever going to find my place in this world. I was afraid that at the end of my life, I would look back and feel that I had accomplished nothing in my life- saved no one, helped no one- all because of my god damn pride.