Sirius' POV
I stared in disbelief as Sola Kingsley pushed me down into a chair.
We were in Jamie's bathroom. She'd just forced me to eat a bunch of vegetables and now she was cutting my hair. My mind was spinning slightly. I'd told her several times that she truly did not need to do this, that she could, in fact – please go home and leave me alone. But the exasperated way in which she regarded me overpowered all of my defensive mechanisms.
She snipped at my hair with scissors. "I could do it with magic, but it's never as precise…" she murmured to herself as she evened out my hacked-off hair.
Outside, I could hear Raylynx speaking with her brother, Jamie. Remus was with them, though I didn't hear him talking.
"Jamie, I'm so sorry about Luxembourg's loss… Right at semifinals, too."
"Thanks, Ray. But it's all right. As great as it would have been to play in the World Cup, Amy needs me more right now. So, in the most important sense, it worked in my favor."
"How is Amy doing?"
"She's good. We're getting a bit nervous, but we still have a couple months left. Sola's been helping a lot."
"Do you know if-?"
"It's a boy," Jamie said, his voice wavering a little at how proud and nervous he was.
"Oh my God, Jamie..." I heard Jamie give out a slightly choked laugh as they hugged.
I could sense Remus' awkwardness from all the way over here.
Then, I heard Raylynx say, "Why's the front of you so squishy, Jamie? Have you finally put on some weight?"
Jamie laughed. "Oh, right, I forgot I stuffed that in my sweater pocket. Here."
A moment later, I heard Raylynx say gleefully, "A sweater!"
"Yeah, one of my old ones. Amy asked me to get rid of it because it'll blind the baby. I remembered you used to like wearing my sweaters."
"I do, and this is perfect. Thank you so much."
In the mirror, I saw Sola shake her head slightly as she snipped off uneven ends at the back of my head.
When I heard how thrilled Raylynx was to receive the sweater, I suddenly recalled that she used to flap around in that ridiculous striped orange and green sweater of his. We'd been assigned to a mission together and she was going to wear that ridiculously bright sweater to fight Death Eaters. I held back a snort. She had had to change, to match me. She couldn't find anything. Finally, she'd pulled on my blazer. I'd been a bit against it because it was literally the only formal wear I had, but then it had suited her so well. And I'd rather liked seeing her in something of mine, though I never would have admitted that then.
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Raylynx say, "Do you want to see the hippogriff, Jamie?"
"Sure do," he said happily.
I heard them trotting down the hallway and past the living room.
A moment later, from farther away, I heard Jamie shout enthusiastically, "Wow, a real hippogriff!"
Just then, some of my hair fell down my shirt and into my back. I moved a little, itchy and uncomfortable. "Be still," Sola said sharply. "I don't want to cut you."
I let out a breath. Trying once again to be polite, but desperately wanting her to leave me alone, I said, "Listen, this is nice and all, but like I said, you don't have to-"
"I know, but I am going to. So, you will sit there and let me cut your hair, please."
I fell silent, though I sighed a little.
As she worked her way around my hair, Sola admitted, "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Ray."
"She asked you to come and do this," I said, stating the obvious.
"Yes. Believe it or not, I spend enough time persuading my five-year-old daughter to eat vegetables to want to spend the rest of my time shoveling them down the throat of a grown man," Sola grimaced.
"Believe me, I share the sentiment," I said wryly. "I left my parents at sixteen because they kept telling me what to do. It's not exactly wonderful to have a stranger tell me to eat my vegetables at this age."
"But, I'm not going to let Ray down," Sola told me firmly, "no matter how much both you and I don't want to do this."
"Yeah, I figured you also don't want to go around giving haircuts to accused murderers," I said dryly.
"I don't believe that you're a murderer," she said, almost dismissively. "You really think I would let my sister anywhere near you if I thought you were?"
I paused. "Really? Did Raylynx tell you-?'
"She didn't tell me anything. I didn't need her to," Sola replied matter-of-factly.
"But," Sola continued, "you are a felon and a fugitive under the law, and that makes your life and the lives of everyone around you - including Raylynx's - very difficult."
"I want her to find some stability in her life," Sola said. "You make that difficult."
"So you would rather I not be around her?"
"Correct."
"You prefer the other guy?"
"I do."
"But then you do favors like this?" I said, confused.
"Yes, I'm aware it doesn't make much sense," Sola said thinly.
But a moment later, she remarked softly, "But Raylynx has never asked me for anything before. Never."
As Sola stepped in front of me to give me one last look-over, she looked down at me and wondered aloud, "What is it that makes my sister insist on caring for you?"
Remus' POV
Jamie and Sola Kingsley had come over.
Sola had stuffed a bunch of vegetables into Sirius' mouth and then dragged him to the bathroom to cut his hair. It was a true mark of respect that Sirius let Sola do that. Sirius would not have let even his own mother treat him that way, even if she had been a more loving mother. As Sola dragged him to the bathroom, Sirius shot me an exasperated look over his shoulder. I gave him an uncertain, resigned smile, and shrugged my shoulder at him.
Now, Jamie, Raylynx, and I were standing in the living room. I wasn't quite sure why yet. I was standing behind them as they strode forward. They suddenly knelt down on opposite ends of the rug and pulled it up. Raylynx rolled up one end and pushed it so that it rolled up into Jamie's hands. He set it up against the wall. Meanwhile, Raylynx walked towards the middle of the floor. She knelt down again and ran her fingers carefully along the wood.
Seeing my confused look, Raylynx told me, "Our father was a carpenter…" She stopped as her fingers found what she was looking for. She smiled and pulled on the wooden beam. "And he built a safe room."
She pulled open a trap door and peered into the opening. "It's quite small."
"Here," Jamie said, coming over to offer his hand. She took it as she went down the steps at the entrance.
"What did Dad leave in there?" Jamie called after her.
"Just some emergency food and water. Oh, here, a battery pack," Raylynx said, passing it up.
After a moment, Raylynx climbed back out and dusted her hands off.
"All right," she said. "It's a good foundation to start with."
"What are you planning to do?" I inquired.
"Expand it, and then make it undetectable," she replied. "It'll be a hideout for Sirius and Buckbeak. Dumbledore managed to convince the Ministry that I'm not hiding Sirius, but I think the Aurors will suspect me again as time passes. It's best to be ready."
She stood before the open trapdoor and pondered, "Now, how to expand and disguise?"
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Jamie said cheerfully. He went down the steps himself and a minute later, all of the stored food and water came floating out. Raylynx put out her arms to catch as much as she could. I hurried forward to grab the large containers of water. Then, we both peered down the steps.
A moment later, we heard Jamie shout, "Defodio!" The sound of quite a large chunk of dirt and rock being gouged out could be heard.
"Jamie, you can't just go blasting things! What about the water pipes?" Raylynx yelled.
A cloud of dust rose up from the steps. Raylynx and I both coughed and stepped back.
"Jamie?" Raylynx called.
"All good!" Jamie shouted back. "But about those water pipes- I think you were right."
Suddenly, we heard two voices cry out: a higher-pitched female voice shrieking and a lower-pitched male voice shouting in surprise.
"What in hell-?" Sirius began to shout.
"Reparo!" Sola yelled clearly.
A moment later, Sola stomped out of Sirius' room (or Jamie's old room). She was soaked, her long hair dripping water and her sweater hanging heavily on her shoulders.
"What did you do-?" she began, but Raylynx quickly deflected responsibility, putting her hands up in surrender and saying, "Not me!"
Sirius appeared from his room too, pushing back his freshly cut hair, now dripping wet, from his face.
"Some Muggle contraption gone wrong?" he asked.
"No, it's a wizard contraption," Sola said, sighing as she heard Jamie yelling below. "Specifically, my brother." She went down the trapdoor herself. "Jamie Kingsley! You have brains! Use them!"
"Sorry! Sorry, I forgot about water pipes and all that," Jamie said quickly.
"Your brother – er, he's very practical, is he?" I said to Raylynx.
She laughed. "I see you have a deep understanding of who Jamie Kingsley is, Remus."
"Should we help him?" I asked.
Raylynx shook her head. "Sola's with him. I've long since learned not to get between them."
We heard the sound of more rock being blasted apart underneath us- but the sound was far quieter. Still, I raised my wand and murmured, "Silencio," casting a Silencing Charm on the room so that the noise wouldn't spread to the neighborhood.
"Good thinking," Raylynx said. She looked up at the ceiling and then as she looked back down, she saw Sirius there, still dripping wet. She pointed her wand at him. A moment later, he was dry again.
"Thanks," Sirius said, though he didn't quite meet her eyes. I had to admit, he looked a lot more cleaned up with a proper haircut. Even after twelve years in Azkaban, he still looked handsome. I just shook my head, resigned to accept that he was just a good-looking bloke.
Below us, Jamie's playful voice sounded out. "Sola – think fast!"
Sola shrieked. A moment later, she berated, "You cannot throw solid rock at my head and call it a joke, you villain!" But by the end of her sentence, there was clear laughter in her voice.
"You know, I've never ever heard anyone use 'villain' as an insult," I remarked. "I thought that was just a storybook trope or a legal word, at most."
"Yes. That's my sister for you. Thank Merlin for the Wizengamot – not because of all the good law does for the world, but because it's an outlet for her to relieve her intense sense of justice," Raylynx said, shaking her head.
I chuckled.
"Let's leave them to it," she suggested.
Raylynx's POV
While Jamie and Sola were working expanding the bunker, I worked on trying to figure out how to disguise it. It wouldn't be easy to fool an Auror like Kingsley Shacklebolt or – Merlin forbid – Jasper.
I pulled out the object I'd saved from Buckbeak earlier today – Jasper's old ring, still on it's chain. He'd taken it off the morning after the banquet dinner...
I laid it down on my desk, where today's Daily Prophet was lying. The headlines read:
"Gregory Blackhawk reinstated Deputy General of the Auror Office."
Underneath it, the text spelled out: "Though newly appointed Rufus Scrimgeour will retain his position as the Head of the Auror Office, Mr. Blackhawk, through support of inside Aurors, has managed to reclaim his dignity after his downfall from grace. Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, who was responsible for Mr. Blackhawk's firing, seemed most displeased during her interview this morning. She stated that, "Traitors who negotiate with werewolves without properly notifying the Ministry should not be in any high-ranking position at the Ministry and has assured the public that she will follow through with a full-scale investigation of Mr. Blackhawk…"
In the picture, which showed Gregory shaking Rufus' hand, Jasper was standing proudly behind them. It was largely due to Jasper's efforts that Gregory was able to rise through the ranks again.
"Ray?" I looked behind me to see Jamie poking his head into my room. "Sola and I will be leaving now."
"Oh, wait. I'll come say good-bye." I got up and walked out of my room.
"Sola's just checking things. You know how meticulous she is," Jamie said, nodding towards the living room.
I walked over to the living room. I knelt down at the entrance and called, "Sola?"
"Yes, I'm here!" She sounded very far away. In fact, her voice echoed, as though she was standing in a large cavern. I paused at the entrance. It had been widened enough to let Buckbeak in. I slipped down there, wanting to see for myself what Jamie and Sola had done.
I gasped. It was a huge room, the size of a bedroom, practically. Ivy covered the walls.
Seeing me, Sola smiled and said, "Father would have been pleased, don't you think?"
"I'm not sure if he ever could have imagined this…" I said, awed.
"Come here. I need to show you something before I leave," Sola said, beckoning to me.
I walked over to her. She took my wrist and had me trace the wall gently. Then, my fingers hit up against a small metal knob.
"If you turn it, it'll open the secret doorway," Sola said, and reaching forward, she swept the ivy to the side. I could barely make out a faint outline in the stone wall. "It'll lead out to the backyard. That's just if Sirius ever needs to make a quick getaway. I warn you, though, it's only big enough for a human, not for Buckbeak." She sighed, as though she had done this against her better judgment.
I wrapped my arms around Sola. "Thank you," I mumbled, hugging her tightly. "I know you didn't want to do this."
Sola looked down at me with solemn eyes. Then, she shook her head exasperatedly. She hugged me back. "Be safe," she whispered.
We climbed out of the trap door. I noticed that Jamie was coming out of his old room – Sirius' room now. Sirius appeared in the doorway as Jamie came out into the hallway.
"All right, I've got to go," Jamie said, seeing me and Sola approach him. "Amy's waiting on me – and so's my soon-to-be son." He came over and hugged me, lifting me slightly. "Good to see you, Ray, even if you only ever call us over for illegal activities."
I laughed. "Oh God, I'm sorry. If you put it that way, I've got no defense. I'm a horrible sibling."
Jamie grinned cheekily at me as he stepped away to pull on his cloak.
Sola put her hand on my shoulder and said, "We'll see you soon."
"Give Emily my love," I replied.
I saw them out, waving at them before she shut the door.
I turned around to see Sirius still standing in Jamie's doorway. He was looking down at the ground.
"Where's Remus gone?" I asked.
"I think he went to see the underground room," Sirius answered.
I walked over to him and stood in front of him.
Sirius looked up at me.
My eyes traced his new haircut. I smiled. "You look good."
"Right. I don't think broccoli has an instantaneous effect," he said half-heartedly.
Trying to tease him, I raised my eyebrow at him and said, "So you'll listen to my sister, I see. When Remus and I make you dinner, no give. But when it's my beautiful sister, you'll eat all of the vegetables she tells you too. I see how it is."
Sirius sighed. "You're impossible."
I grinned. "Well, how do you feel?"
"I'm fine," he said impatiently. "I keep telling you I'm fine."
Realizing that Sirius wasn't in a good mood, the smile slid off of my face.
"Sirius?" I said, more carefully.
"I just… I don't want to see you right now," he mumbled, and stepping backwards, he closed the bedroom door.
Sirius' POV
I heard Jamie tell Raylynx that he was leaving. I hesitated, wondering if I should go out to see them off. I didn't really want to, but at the same time, it seemed impolite not to. They were Raylynx's family, after all, and they'd come to help me - well, her, but by consequence, me.
Just as I stood up, I heard a knock at my door. I opened it to see Raylynx's brother, Jamie, standing there.
"Mind if I come inside?" he asked me.
"No need to ask," I said, opening the door as wide as it would go. "It's your bedroom."
"Oh, Merlin, sorry you just had to stare at all of these old Quidditch posters," Jamie said, staring up at his wall, which was plastered all over with different Quidditch paraphernalia. "I forgot I put all of these up. I haven't lived here since I was eighteen."
His expression softened as he remembered himself as a young boy. "I forgot how badly I wanted this life," he murmured softly, almost to himself. "With a baby on the way, I forget about Quidditch now. And I'm old for a Quidditch player. I'll likely have to retire soon… I'm pretty sure it was my fault Luxembourg didn't make it to the Quidditch World Cup this year… I can't play knowing it's dragging down the team. It really was the dream, though, wasn't it?" He reached out and touched the edge of a curling poster softly.
I wasn't really sure what to say. I tried to say something appropriate as I replied, a little uncomfortably, "Raylynx says you're at the peak of your career."
Jamie looked over at me and grinned. "You know how soft that girl is. She'll be saying that even when I'm sixty years old and in a wheelchair."
"Yeah," I admitted. "I do know that about her."
Hearing me reply, Jamie paused. He stepped closer to me and said, "Listen, Sirius. You seem like a real nice bloke. I can see why Ray's got a soft spot for you. But I have to ask you – How much trouble are you in? Is Ray going to be in trouble too?"
Before I could respond, Jamie continued, "Because you see, I can't really allow that. I mean, it's her choice, of course. Merlin knows we're old enough to make our own choices now. But she's stubborn as a mule, so I'm going down the dishonest route here and putting pressure on you, if you get me." He looked at me with a serious and earnest expression.
We heard Sola and Raylynx coming down the hallway. Jamie gave me a firm nod and then turned away, walking out of the room.
I followed him to the doorway, where I saw Jamie wrap his arms around Raylynx. Sola was standing behind them. I saw Remus slip by and head towards the living room. He probably wanted to see what the underground room now looked like. Raylynx saw her siblings out and closing the door behind them, she turned around. Her eyes fell on me.
"Where's Remus gone?" she asked.
"I think he went to see the underground room," I answered.
She walked up to me. Reflexively, I looked up at her. Her face broke into a gentle smile. Cocking her head to the side a little, she said to me, "You look good."
I'm not sure what I said – something stupid, I'm sure.
Raylynx tried to tease me back, but I couldn't seem to match her light-heartedness. All I could think of was how much her siblings loved her and how both Sola and Jamie had made it quite clear that what was best for Raylynx was for me to stay away.
Raylynx called my name softly. "Sirius?"
"I just… I don't want to see you right now," I murmured pathetically. Ashamed, I closed the door quickly between us, and turned away.
Raylynx's POV
I returned to my room and sat at my desk. I stared up at the piece of paper pinned above my desk.
"I, Garrick Ollivander of Ollivander's Wand Shop, hereby testify that a singular wand of dogwood and aspen, with a core of phoenix feather, and eleven and quarter inches long in length, is indeed none other than Sirius Black's wand."
"I can do this," I whispered to myself. "I can bring us back."
Then, forcing myself to focus, I dragged a clean sheet of parchment and got to work thinking about how to hide the trapdoor and underground room again. I closed my eyes to think. It can't have any traces of magic. That was the key, and the difficulty. Any magic would tip off the Aurors or whoever else that there was something to be hidden, something to be searched…
I tried to recall all of the ways I'd recognized magic before. The entrance to Voldemort's cave arose in my mind. I shuddered and tried to push the memory from my mind. No, I'm not going to require someone to sacrifice blood to enter the bunker. That's ridiculous.
As the minutes ticked by, I couldn't think of anything of anything sensible. Frustrated, I stared down at the parchment.
All right. Return to the basics.
What are you trying to do?
I'm trying to make a symbol that will hide the trapdoor without leaving any traces of hiding something.
So, then the question is – How do you negate the symbol without negating the effect?
I leaned forward, gripping my hair in my hands. It was like playing chess against myself.
Think… Think… Think.
When Bellatrix had attacked me back at the opera house and used Fiendfyre on me, I had learned a fundamental truth about magic – The answer to fire is not water. It's fire.
I breathed out.
That's right. Invisibility is not invisibility.
I thought about the House of Illusions that had been put together for the Third Task of the TriWizard Tournament.
Yes, that's it. That's what you want to do. You've got it, Raylynx.
Don't make the trapdoor visible. Make the floor visible. Make the whole room visible – a world unto itself.
Closing my eyes, I messily dipped a quill into ink and hurriedly began to scrawl out a Runic Circle onto the parchment.
Remus' POV
I'd checked the cupboards to find us running low on all manner of foods. We were all out of broccoli and lettuce – all of it had been shoved down Sirius' throat. We were also running low on chocolate, which of course was not the thing that motivated me to go down to the supermarket.
Before I left, I passed by Raylynx's room. The door was ajar. I hesitated before I carefully peeked in. She was sitting at her desk. Her eyes were closed, as she concentrated very hard on something. She was murmuring as she drew something on the parchment. Her hands were messy with black ink.
I decided it was better not to disturb her. But as I left the house, softly shutting the door behind me, I smiled to myself. Her hands no longer shook. And her eyes were brighter these days. Perhaps she and Sirius weren't on the best terms, but his presence alone seemed to have a positive effect on her.
I made my way down to the market. I went through the vegetables section and dutifully picked up some vegetables before meandering over to the sweets section. I absent-mindedly stared at them.
"Aren't you going to touch all of the chocolate bars?"
"Hm?" I turned around to find the manager from before standing there.
"Like you touched every single brand of razors last time," she said, smiling a little shyly.
"O-oh," I said, realizing what she was getting at.
She flushed, thinking I didn't understand her reference and had just outed herself as a weirdo. Before I could say anything, she had disappeared.
I shrugged to myself before picking out a few bars.
But then there she was again, at the check-out counter. It was a small shop, so I imagined it was usually one person on shift. I put down the groceries. She began to check them out and I reached into my jacket to fish out my wallet. A Galleon dropped out as I pulled out my wallet. It clattered brightly on the counter. I quickly slapped my hand down on it before she could see it.
She started a little.
"Sorry, sorry, clumsy of me," I said, slipping it back into my pocket.
She held her out for the money. I counted out the bills and handed them to her.
The cashier opened with a soft ding!, and she put in the bills and counted out my change.
As she handed me my grocery bags, she asked, "What happened to your dog, sir?"
"My dog?"
"Yeah, that shaggy black dog from last time. Don't tell me you've forgotten about that, too," she said, frowning. Suddenly, her face turned crimson. "Was that someone else? No, no way, I hardly ever get customers. It's just you, that married couple with five kids, and the old geezer from two blocks down. I would remember… Oh God, am I going around the bend? I'm spending too many hours in here," she said anxiously, twisting the bottom of her worker's shirt in her hands.
"Oh, right, the dog," I said hastily, trying to save her from her anxiety. "Er- yes, well, I shaved him away."
"Oh," she said, and then it hit her what I had said. She looked up at me and said, "All of him?"
"All of him," I assured her.
She smiled, amused. "Well, have a good day," she told me.
I nodded at her and left the market.
I entered Raylynx's home, dusting my worn-out shoes off at the entrance. I frowned when I noticed that one of the soles was starting to peel back. I went in and hung up my jacket and then went to put the groceries away.
"Moony, is that you?" Sirius peeked his head out of his room.
"Yes."
Sirius loped out of his room. "Where'd you go?" he asked me.
"Just down to the market."
I peeked into Raylynx's room, but there was no one there. "Where'd she go?" I asked Sirius.
"I think she's in the living room. I thought I heard her walk past my room," Sirius answered.
Sirius and I walked over into the living room to see Raylynx standing in the middle of the living room. She was looking up and down at a paper and slowly turning around in the room. Then, she folded the paper and slipped it into her pants pocket. She crossed her arms, clutching her wand in one hand, and nodded to herself. "Looks like I fixed it..." she murmured to herself.
Abruptly, she turned around and asked me and Sirius, "Where are you?"
I blinked. "What?"
"Where are you? Right now."
Sirius and I glanced at each other, confused.
"Your- your living room," I said finally.
"Notice anything different?" she asked.
My eyes traced around the room – fireplace, rug, sofa, clock…
"No?" I said uncertainly.
"Well, can you sense any magic in the room?" she pressed.
I knelt on the carpet and put my hand on the floor, trying to detect that hum that always accompanied magic. But after a minute, I shook my head.
"All right, what's this all about?" Sirius asked.
"Look for the trapdoor," Raylynx replied.
"It's under the rug," he said knowingly.
"Look, please," she said.
Sirius frowned a bit impatiently, but he did as she asked. He pointed his wand at the rug and it rolled up to reveal – a floor.
"What did you do?" he said, surprised.
"Did you get rid of the room entirely?" I guessed. "Or move it somewhere?"
Raylynx shook her head. "If you feel for the door, you'll find it there. But you have to know exactly where to look. It's between the eleventh and fourteenth floorboards, and adjacent to the left-hand side of the couch."
I counted and then strode over. I knelt down again. It felt like any other floorboard, like a normal part of the floor. But when I tugged, I felt the trap door give way and open. But I still couldn't see it.
Raylynx stepped next to me. Then, holding onto my shoulder, she carefully stepped down.
Shocked, Sirius and I watched her disappear into the floorboards.
"You can see the underground room once your foot hits the top stair, so you won't fall," Raylynx assured us, climbing back out. She pointed her wand at the still-invisible trapdoor to close it. I felt a soft rush of air move over my feet and shins as it shut.
"It should keep you safe should any Aurors come knocking, or at the least, it'll give you time to escape through the secret passageway Sola and Jamie made for you," Raylynx told Sirius matter-of-factly.
Sirius was stunned. "What did I just see?"
Slowly, I said, "Is this… some variation of Runic Magic?"
"But there's no Runes written anywhere," Sirius countered. "I admit I never took Runes, but isn't that the whole point of learning Runic language? To inscribe it somewhere."
"Well, yes," Raylynx said. "But I learned to write with light."
"With light?" I questioned.
"Yes, like this." Raylynx used her wand to draw two Runes that glowed in the air. I recognized them as sun and wind. She blew at them softly, sending them through the air to Sirius. They floated to him and then disappeared as they made contact with his body. He blinked as a strange sensation of soft sunlight and a light breeze washed over him.
"But how does that explain… this?" I asked, gesturing at the floor.
"Well, all right," Raylynx replied. "I'll let you two in on the secret."
"Boys," she announced, "you are standing in a room within a room."
"Come again?"
"I copied the entire room into an illusion. Instead of erasing the trapdoor, which would leave a square of magic on the floor, I just re-created the whole room. Because, see, the way people detect magic is by looking for differences – something that stands out from the norm, like a human or a mark… But if the whole thing's an illusion-"
"No difference," I said, catching on.
"Precisely."
I stared around the room again, this time in awe. It was the same room – but it wasn't.
Then, a strange sound filled the room. Raylynx blushed as her stomach growled. She looked over at me. "I thought I heard you leaving. Did you bring back food?"
"Well, you can pick between broccoli and chocolate," I said, a little abashed.
She laughed. "That's all right. I'll throw something together, then. Thanks, Remus." She passed us by and headed into the kitchen.
Sirius and I looked at each other. Softly, Sirius breathed out, "For fuck's sake…"
"Yes, maybe I should have taken Runes more seriously," I said, slowly rubbing my neck as I stared at the "missing" trapdoor once again.
When we entered the kitchen, Raylynx looked at up, holding a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich in one hand and flipping through a kid's magazine with the other.
"What d'you think Harry needs when he gets here?" she asked us.
Neither Sirius nor I had any brilliant ideas off the top of our head.
"A motorcycle," Sirius said finally. "To accompany his Firebolt."
"Pads, he's thirteen," I reminded him.
"Maybe I'll head over to Diagon Alley tomorrow," Raylynx said. "I should be able to pick out a few things once I see some shops…"
Raylynx's POV
I spent most of the day organizing Sola's room. There was very little to clean out. I examined the room, trying to pick out what needed to be replaced for Harry.
Okay, new sheets… I thought to myself. Maybe a new rug? This one's a little dusty now.
I yawned, feeling mentally defeated from thinking through that horrid Runic Circle from this morning. I had been so pleased that it had worked. It'd taken me seventeen variations to get it right, but it had worked.
I traipsed back to the living room and fell onto the couch. I Summoned the kid's catalogue back to me and flipped through it again quite vaguely, not really taking in the content on the pages...
"Raylynx."
My eyes snapped open. I hadn't realized I was falling asleep.
I sat up.
"Did I… wake you?"
"No, no," I said.
Sirius stared down at me. Secretly, he was trying to hold back a smile as my hair sticking up in the back and my blinking eyes told him everything I needed to know.
"Here," he said instead, and held out a piece of paper. I took it from him.
"It's a list of things I thought Harry might enjoy," Sirius informed me. "Obviously, you don't have to get them all, or any, if you think they're stupid. But I figured… Well."
He started to turn away, when I said, "Wait a moment." I tried to stand up quickly to step in front of him.
Still a little fazed, I was a bit unbalanced. He reached out for me, but I'd managed to grab the edge of the couch and had already steadied myself. He dropped his hand and started to walk past me.
"Sirius, wait, please," I said, stepping in front of him again. "There's something I want to say to you."
He stopped and waited for me to speak, listening, though he was unwilling to look at me.
"Sirius, I can't pretend to understand what you're struggling with. But, to me, you're the same person," I said, telling him the words I'd thought through over and over again in my head since he'd shown me how hurt and angry he was at me. "I just wanted you to… to know that," I finished, a bit weakly.
Sirius closed his eyes.
I reached out and gently took his hand in mine. "Don't you see me the same way?" I whispered, feeling incredibly vulnerable and scared.
Sirius opened his eyes. He didn't try to push my hand away, but he didn't respond either. Finally, he murmured, "The same way?"
I nodded, swallowing. My eyes fell to his chest, as I suddenly found it difficult to look into his dark, troubled eyes.
"Does it matter?" he said heavily. "So, we had a few stolen moments here or there – we saw each other two or three times a year. Are we going to call that love?"
I held my breath, trying to hide how hurtful his words were. But when my fingers numbly slid off of his hand, Sirius sighed.
He put his hand on my shoulder. "Look, Raylynx. You're brilliant. You've grown. You've moved on. You should continue to do so. Don't let me hold you back, especially given how little we had before all this happened."
He had no idea how cruel his words were. His telling me to move on so easily, as though I hadn't struggled and failed and cried and hated myself for being unable to over these past years, sent a sharp pain through my heart.
"Listen to me," he said, noticing how hard I was trying not to look at him. He grasped both my shoulders. "Your sister's right. There's no future with me. I'm never going to be a free man. And even before Azkaban, I wasn't- I wasn't a stable person. And now, there's no chance. I'm twelve years behind you. I always with be."
"And I don't want to be with someone who's better off without me," Sirius said honestly. "Whatever you might think, that's not love. I know it isn't." He stood up straight again and walked away from me.
I stood there, trying to rein in my emotions. But later, as I had calmed down enough to stop having to wipe tears from my eyes, I realized that Sirius' words, while cruel from my perspective, might have been his idea of generosity – that is, not getting in my way. So, then, do I just keep having to show him that I love him? I wondered. It was, admittedly, the hardest thing for me to do. I always struggled to assert myself, and even now, at the age of thirty-three, whenever I felt like I was putting myself emotionally, without any assurance of reciprocation, I felt like I was just a young girl again.
But you know this about yourself. So change it. Remember when Sirius put aside his pride to ask you to stay after you left the Order without telling him? You have to stop being scared for yourself, and start being brave for others. So, what if he doesn't love you back? So, what if he doesn't see you the same way anymore? What does that have to do with you? Are you putting yourself out there just to be loved by him – or to actually love him? Come on, Raylynx. Be better. Just love him. Don't think about anything else.
"Raylynx?" Remus appeared from Buckbeak's room, holding a now-empty bucket. He'd been refilling Buckbeak's water trough.
"I thought you'd…" He paused, and I realized that poor Remus had been stuck in Buckbeak's room, overhearing Sirius and me, and waiting until he thought the coast was clear to come out.
"Are you all right?" he asked me.
"'Course," I replied, trying to sound light-hearted.
Remus saw right through me. "Raylynx, I really think he just needs some time-"
I shook my head. "I'm not waiting, Remus. I mean, I'm not waiting for him to love me back… That's all I waited for when I was younger – permission to love someone. Well, I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be able to love without expectation."
Remus frowned. "Is that possible…?"
I shrugged. Then, almost to myself, I said, "I have to try."
I looked up at Remus and said, "I'm sorry we argue so much."
"I can't lie- I could do without it," Remus replied. "But I don't think you should be the one apologizing." Remus looked pointedly behind me. Surprised, I looked over my shoulder to see Sirius standing a few feet behind me. His bedroom door was open, and he was carrying out a tray with an empty water glass and bowl on it.
Sirius looked back at us. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. We're all on Raylynx's side, I know," he muttered, and continued walking to the kitchen.
I looked over at Remus. "Only you are on my side, and yet Sirius said 'all'. You must mean the world to him, Remus."
Remus blushed. "You always try to make Sirius come off as charming, but we both know he's an idiot."
"I heard that!" Sirius called indignantly from the kitchen.
"An idiot with big dog ears," Remus muttered.
