Raylynx's POV

I arrived on Privet Drive late in the evening. I knocked on the Dursleys' door. It opened, and I found myself staring at none other than Petunia Dursley. Seeing me, her lips formed a thin, straight line.

"Long time, no see," I said quietly. "Is Harry here?"

Petunia looked over her shoulder and barked, "Harry! Get down here now."

I studied her side profile. Growing up, I'd never, ever thought she looked remotely like Lily. But realizing that she was the only blood relative remaining of Lily (other than Harry himself, of course), I thought I could detect something of her cheekbones and nose in Petunia. I suddenly found myself wondering how Petunia had felt when she heard of Lily's death and if she'd understood what had happened.

Just then, I could hear Harry dragging his suitcase down the stairs.

"Be careful with the carpet!" Petunia chided him.

"Thank you," I said, "for keeping Harry safe."

Petunia paused. She knew what I meant – the blood protection. Then, her face turned sullen and she muttered bitterly, "Very good of you to take him now. Yes, you expect us to take care of him all those the difficult years and then you come and whisk him off whenever you want. Fine godparent you are."

Harry appeared behind her. "Professor," he said to me by way of greeting.

"Harry. Are you ready to go, then?" I asked him.

"Yes." Harry didn't quite look his aunt in the face as he murmured, "Well, goodbye for now."

"Don't be sent back now," Petunia said tersely, and she shut the door after us.

We stepped out into the street. I carefully looked up and down the street and then I held out my arm. "We're going to Apparate, Harry. Fair warning - it feels horrible the first few times."

"We're going to what?"

Realizing that Harry had never Apparated before, I held out my hand and said, "Here, hand me Hedwig." I figured that if I had to save one thing among Harry's belongings, it would be his living owl.

"Hold on tight to your suitcase now," I warned him. Harry obeyed me, making sure that his Firebolt was strapped tightly to his suitcase before gripping the handle of his trunk. Then, he looked down at my arm and grasped it. I turned.

Whoosh... The vortex sucked us into the darkness. Wind blasted past us and then - Pop!

We both appeared at the end of my street. Harry stumbled forward. I grabbed the back of his jacket.

"Steady there," I said. Harry shook his head a little, trying to shake off that queasy feeling.

"Sorry about that," I told him. "But it's the fastest way. We're almost there now."

Harry gave me as much of a smile as he could muster. "Great," he managed to say. I laughed a little and patted his back.

We made it up to the house. I opened the door, dragging in Harry's suitcase. Harry opened Hedwig's cage immediately. Hedwig nipped Harry affectionately on the wrist before she took off, slipping through the open front door and out into the night. I closed the door behind me. Then, I beckoned for Harry to come with me.

Sirius and Remus were both in the kitchen.

"Sirius!" Harry said, upon seeing him. Sirius stood up and grinning, immediately pulled Harry into a crushing hug.

Harry poked his head out from between Sirius' arms and said, "Professor Lupin! I didn't know you were going to be here."

"Hello Harry. How was end of term?" Remus asked lightly, smiling.

"We missed you, Professor," Harry said earnestly.

Sirius' arm knocked Harry's glasses askew.

"Sirius," Remus said, "you'll suffocate the poor boy. Let him breathe."

"Right, right," Sirius replied, and he let Harry go. "Sorry about that, Harry."

But Harry didn't seem to mind at all. On the contrary, he was beaming as he fixed his glasses. Watching them all together, I felt like it was my birthday, a birthday I'd waited for for thirteen years.

"Buckbeak's here as well," Sirius told Harry. "If you want to go and say hello later."

"Oh yeah, that'd be great. I was wondering about him," Harry replied enthusiastically. "And I know Hagrid's been wondering about him too."

The four of us chatted well into the night, mostly with Sirius asking Harry questions. The stories of Quirrell and the Chamber of Secrets came out, and I could tell Sirius and Remus were both deeply disturbed by what they heard. All three of us recognized that, put into perspective with Peter's escape, such disturbing tales could only bode ill for the coming future.

At the thought of Peter, Lucius' words played out in my thoughts: "Of course, at first, it wasn't to join us as much as it was to convince me 'not to hurt his friends'... Once he began to pledge his services to our cause, it was so easy to turn him... Oh, yes, he had his moments of doubt. But what did it matter when things played out so brilliantly...? It was he that ultimately decided to kill them..."

Sirius took Harry over to see Buckbeak.

Remus glanced over at me. He didn't say anything, but he watched me with tentative eyes as I sank deeper and deeper into my own thoughts.

Then, I heard Sirius and Harry talking and laughing as they came back towards the hallway to pick up Harry's things.

Shaking myself out of my reverie, I got up from the table to show Harry to Sola's room.

"It's a bit sad-looking at the moment," I said, flipping the lights on to reveal the clean, but somewhat bare, room. "I meant to have it all ready for you beforehand, but well… I got sidetracked, I'm afraid. We can head to Diagon Alley tomorrow and pick up some things. Actually, this might be better, since we can now pick things you actually want."

"Oh," Harry said, surprised. He looked a bit embarrassed as he told me, "This is fine. More than fine. It's loads better than the Dursleys' cupboard, anyways."

"The Dursleys' what?" Sirius said, suddenly still.

"Oh, erm, not anymore," Harry responded hastily.

Sirius was looking rather murderous.

Remus showed up at the perfect time, holding up Hedwig's cage. "Forgot this," he said, placing it atop the dresser.

"Oh, and here." I handed Harry a slip of paper. "That's my address, so Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid know where to sent letters too."

"Brilliant. Thanks," Harry said, taking the piece of paper from me.

"Well, unless there's something you need, we'll leave you to get some rest," I told Harry. "Feel free to get yourself water or a snack if you happen to stay up. I'm sure Remus has made sure we've plenty of chocolate around."

Harry grinned and looked over at Remus, who shrugged innocently, as though the chocolate bars just appeared through no intention of his own.

I smiled and turned away. Remus followed after me. Sirius stayed with Harry for a little longer, but I eventually heard his bedroom door close too. I hugged my pillow between my arms and stared up at the ceiling. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and whispered, "Please let me be a good godmother. Please don't let me disappoint Harry." I repeated my prayers until I fell asleep.


The next morning, I got up early and attempted to make breakfast. When the waffle batter coagulated into a mess, however, I gave it up as a bad job. The quickest prayers ever to be dismissed, I thought pathetically, as I strained to dig out the ball of dough from the bottom of the frying pan.

"Pancakes are easier." I turned around to see Remus leaning on the doorway with his arms crossed, looking at me with a most amused expression.

I tried to bite into the waffle ball, thinking that maybe I could eat it myself and not throw out food, but it was so rubbery that I couldn't swallow it. I spit it out and dumped the rest.

I sighed. "I should have stuck to omelets. I can cook eggs, at least."

"Did you want to make waffles for Harry?" Remus asked.

"Yes. No. I mean, yes, for Harry, but I kind-of wanted them too," I admitted. "Pancakes came up in my conversation with the Aurors the other day, and it made want to eat them. But I only had waffle batter."

Remus laughed affectionately. "Well, I think Harry and Sirius are both still asleep. Shall we trot down to the market?" he suggested.

Trot down we did.

I grabbed batter and berries while Remus fetched some eggs, butter, maple syrup. A young man who looked very sleep-deprived checked us out.

As we left the building, we ran into a young woman at the entrance. She paused to let us through. "Thanks," I said, flashing her a smile as I passed by.


Back at home, I watched hungrily with a fork in my mouth as Remus made pancakes. I had already washed and cut the berries. Now, the delicious scent of pancakes was wafting through the kitchen. I looked over Remus' shoulder.

"It should be done yet, right?" I said, my mouth watering.

"No, it's not done yet," Remus replied.

"Just let me taste it," I implored Remus.

"Wait until it's cooked through."

"But it looks done."

"The middle's still gooey."

"I don't think so."

"Raylynx-"

I stuck my fork into the pan and scraped out the smallest square. I put it in my mouth. I was right - it tasted heavenly. But then, I realized that Remus was right as the middle part, which was still gooey, burned my tongue.

Remus saw my eyes widen as the heat seared my tongue and the roof of my mouth.

He sighed and waggled the mixing spoon in front of my face. "I told you to wait."

"What d'you mean? Iths fine," I said, my tongue feeling fat in my mouth. "Iths really good, Remuth."

"Here." Remus stuck a strawberry in my mouth to cool my tongue.

"Thhanks."

At that moment, Sirius came in, yawning and stretching. Harry joined us just a few minutes later. His bed hair was truly something to behold.

But it didn't matter because Harry's hair would have been ruined anyways, as Sirius immediately grabbed him. Pulling him into an affectionate headlock, Sirius playfully mussed up his hair. Harry yelped and tried to slide out. Sirius laughed and wrestled him for a bit longer before finally letting him go.

"You'll have to excuse Sirius. Sometimes the phrase 'good morning' gets lost in his brain and he wrestles you instead," Remus said wryly, thinking back to all of the headlocks and hair-mussing he'd been subjected to back at Hogwarts.

"What're we having?" Sirius asked.

"Pancakes," Remus answered.

"They're almost ready," I commented. "Almost."

Besides me, Remus let out a low chuckle.

Sirius waved his wand. Plates, cups, and silverware streamed through the air and floated onto the table. Remus tapped the stove with his wand, turning it off. Harry watched everything with a slight sense of disbelief.

We all sat together and started eating.

"Here," I said, scooping strawberries onto Harry's plate.

"Thanks," Harry said, looking slightly embarrassed. He wasn't sure how to react to the attention I was giving him. The only other person who ever treated him that way was Mrs. Weasley, but Harry was sure she'd mother anyone she could. Harry could immediately tell that I was different, that I was not naturally the 'mothering' sort, and that I was trying my best to show him attention because he was my godson.

"So, did you have any summer plans?" I asked him, trying to save us both from the embarrassment we were suddenly feeling.

"I guess just regular stuff, like homework," Harry said, shrugging. "Usually the Dursleys don't let me look at my textbooks, so it'll be a relief to be able to just do my homework for once."

"Can't expect idiots to encourage education," Sirius muttered.

"Sirius," Remus chided lightly.

Harry grinned at Sirius' offhand remark. Then, he remembered, "Oh, Ron told me that the Quidditch World Cup is this summer. He said his dad might be able to get us tickets."

"That'd be great fun," I remarked. "Quidditch matches are a lot of fun to watch, especially if you play yourself. You can try to predict tactics before they play out."

"You said my Dad was a Quidditch player," Harry said to me. "Was he any good?"

"Yes, he was Quidditch Captain," I replied, nodding. "He played Chaser for a few years, and then he played Seeker."

"He played both Chaser and Seeker?" Harry said, amazed.

"No disrespect to your father, but I think you're better at Seeker," I said to Harry. Smiling, I remarked, "James used to get so distracted while he was playing Seeker. He'd catch a flash of your mum's hair – and he was a goner."

Sirius and Remus laughed.

"No, I'm joking," I said, laughing a bit myself. "But I do think that James was a slightly better Chaser."

"Well, you're biased," Sirius pointed out to me. "Since you were a Seeker yourself."

I smiled. "Well, I can't deny that."

Harry polished off his pancakes, leaving a clean plate.

"Shall we head to Diagon Alley?" I asked Harry.

"I don't want to make you go if I'm the only reason we're going. I really don't need anything," Harry mumbled.

"Just say yes," Sirius said, reaching out to clap Harry on the shoulder. "Don't expect the Dursleys to have bought you any presents, given they shut you away in a cupboard."

"Well, I got a Nimbus Two Thousand from Professor Kingsley and now I've got a Firebolt thanks to you," Harry pointed out.

Sirius waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Every boy your year needs a broomstick, Harry, and I had thirteen years' worth of presents to make up for."

I stood up and beckoned to Harry. "Come on," I encouraged.

"I can do the dishes before..." Harry started to say.

"Nah," I said brightly. "Let's leave the dishes to the pups. They can handle it."


As it was, Harry was quite uncomfortable with picking stuff out for himself, muttering and blushing his thanks.

"Just think of it as an excuse to fill the house with games that Remus and Snuffles really want to play, but are too proud to admit it," I told Harry.

He smiled at this and finally picked out a few games – Gobstones, Exploding Snap, and Wizard's Chess – for me to buy. We stopped by the Post Office so that Harry could send out his address to his friends. Finally, we came back in the afternoon with our arms filled with merchandise.

Remus helped to carry away the sheets and blankets to Harry's room.

"Sirius is feeding Buckbeak," Remus told me. "Hagrid just sent us a fresh shipment of dead ferrets." I wrinkled my nose a little.

"Oh, and a letter came for you, Raylynx," Remus informed me.

Harry spent the rest of the day at the kitchen table, working on his homework. Remus was there too, reading the newspaper for job prospects. He'd only heard back from a few places – all of them rejections so far.

Whenever Harry paused thoughtfully, Remus would peer over to see what he was thinking about. Sometimes, he wouldn't say anything and just continue reading the newspaper, but other times, he would give a helpful tip or two.

I took the letter addressed to me and headed to the living room. I opened the thick parchment.

Dear Raylynx,

A warning – the rat you told of us seems to have escaped our lands. I fear the rat is returning your way, and that it is carrying the dark shadow from the mountains with it. I have also heard from Alketa that a tourist has disappeared when she foolishly went traveling in the mountains. She has not been seen for eleven days now.

Sehtzer

Sirius strode out from Buckbeak's room just then. Standing up, I folded the letter up quickly and put it in my back pocket.

"Oh, you're back?" Sirius said, stopping in front of me.

"Yes, with enough games to last us the summer, I hope," I replied.

"You know, I was thinking we should... We should take Harry to Lily and James' grave," Sirius said, his eyes downcast. "I think they'd like to see their son. Only if Harry wants to, of course."

"I was thinking the same thing," I said honestly. "Let's do it. We can all go together."

I hesitated, and then, looking at Sirius worriedly, I said, "Except it could be dangerous for y-"

"Don't worry about me," Sirius said, reading my thoughts immediately. "Besides, you can't change my mind on this one."

I let out an exasperated laugh that trailed off into a laugh. "When have I ever changed your mind?" I said, shaking my head a little.

"Fine," I relented, "but we'll stay on the Muggle side of Godric's Hollow, just in case."


A few days later, the four of us went out to Godric's Hollow. We approached the grave together, but Remus, Sirius, and I stopped a few feet away. I put my hand on Harry's shoulder and nodded encouragingly. He looked up at me uncertainly for a moment and then stepped forward. He looked so lonely standing before James and Lily's grave alone.

Beyond him, the inscription read:

"James Potter, born 27 March 1960, died 31 October 1981

Lily Potter, born 30 January 1960, died 31 October 1981

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death."

I looked over my shoulder, knowing that in this neighborhood, the ruins of Lily and James' house were still standing. But that would be too much for Harry right now, I thought, as I watched him before me now, his shoulders slumping. He'll have to come face-to-face with his legacy someday. But today is not that day. For now, let him just think about family.

Sirius, as Padfoot, trotted up to Harry. Harry slowly sank to the ground, and he wrapped his arms around Padfoot. Padfoot whined softly and licked Harry's face. Remus gently knelt down at Padfoot's other side and bowing his head, he paid his respects.

After checking that the graveyard was empty, I stepped forward and drawing my wand, I drew a line in the air above the grave. A wreath of yellow and white daffodils, tangled with baby's breath, laid itself atop their grave. Then, I felt my wand hum in my hand. I paused, and I lifted it. A single, white lily grew from the tip of my wand. It hovered in the air in front of Harry. Harry reached out and took it. He held onto it for a moment before he laid it on the grave.

He sniffed and said thickly, "I'm sorry, Mum and Dad. I'm sorry it took so long for me to come and- and see you."

I sank down besides Harry and wrapped my arm around him and put my hand gently on his head. Harry reached up and wiped away his tears, though he kept his eyes on his parents' grave.

We stayed there, the four of us huddled together. A light breeze swept over us, rustling the daffodils. Time seemed to have crystallized, as though Lily and James' presence had made us immune to the currents of reality. And in that moment, I felt, more than ever, that Lily and James were a part of Harry. My grip on Harry's arm tightened as I prayed with all my heart that the parts of Lily and James inside Harry could defeat the part of Voldemort that was inside him.


When we finally made it home, the four of us were all in a daze. We went into our separate rooms without speaking. I hugged Harry before letting him go and stepping into my own room. Once I shut the door behind me, I stumbled forward, sinking down into the seat in front of my desk before falling forward. I buried my head in my arms and trying to be as quiet as possible, I cried. I cried because I missed Lily and James. I cried because I knew that I would never be able to fill their shoes for Harry – not even close. I cried because I didn't know if I could ultimately save Harry, and that scared me so deeply, because if I couldn't save Harry, I would have failed in every way possible. And I cried because I was lonely, and no matter how hard I tried, it was hard to be strong. And I cried for a thousand other reasons I couldn't quite name – because my own parents were gone and I sympathized with Harry even more than he could know; because Regulus didn't have a grave; and because there were no little Marlenes and Dorcases running around the way Harry and Neville did. My heart expanded and hurt at the same time, and I both marveled and feared how stubbornly it beat on, and on, and on – even knowing its beats were limited, already decided.

Throughout the rest of the day, I faded in and out of dreams and memories and an overwhelming feeling of melancholy that eventually, slowly, painfully blossomed into hope once again.


We all got up the next day and pretended that everything was fine, making breakfast and chatting. We did it because it was the only way we know how to keep going – to take it day-by-day.

Sirius and Harry had gotten up first that day and they had attempted to make breakfast for me and Remus.

"Er…" Remus looked down at the eggs with a ketchup smile drawn onto them. "It looks delicious, Harry. Thanks."

"Oh, that was Sirius," Harry replied.

"Oh." Remus paused, and then he said, "This is awful, Pads."

"Don't be rude. I made it specifically for you," Sirius responded. It was true. The rest of our eggs were cooked normally, and looked pretty good.

Harry smiled as he flipped the bacon.

"You're quite good," Sirius said, ruffling Harry's hair. I guessed that it was because the Dursleys had made him cook quite often, but Harry accepted the compliment easily.

Remus took it upon himself to eat his eggs, and I sat next to him and ate mine too. I wasn't very hungry, but I finished my eggs and ate some of Harry's bacon to make sure their efforts didn't go to waste.

"Thanks for that, boys. It was delicious," I said. I gave Harry a one-armed hug before returning to my room.

Back in my room, I sat back down at my desk and slowly raised my wand in front of me.

What had happened yesterday? When the lily grew out, I could have sworn the wand had been guiding me, as opposed to my commanding the wand.

I remembered what Ollivander had said to me: "Wands are meant to be used. You are disrespecting it – and me - by not chasing its full potential."

"Your full potential?" I whispered. "Twenty-two years… I've had you for twenty-two years. And you still haven't accepted me fully?"

A wave of resentment washed up within me. "You weren't there for me," I muttered angrily. "When I tried to save Dorcas… When I tried to kill Bellatrix… You refused me."

I gripped my wand tighter, forcing it to channel my pain. My wand resisted me, and then, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my hand and arm, like a shock of electricity. I grimaced and dropped the wand. It fell onto the desk and then clattered away, stopping only when it rolled up to where the wall met my desk.

Suddenly, the door slammed open behind me.

I turned around to see Sirius standing at my doorway. His eyes were unusually bright and fierce, as though either something wonderful or terrible had happened.

I stood up quickly. "Sirius? Is everything all rig-?"

He crossed the room in the blink of an eye and took me in his arms, embracing me with such force that we nearly fell over. I managed to reach out and grab the edge of the desk behind me and we both slid down to the floor. We knocked over several stacks of pamphlets and they fluttered into the air.

"Sirius?" I gasped.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered, his voice tight with emotion. "I'm sorry. I had my doubts, but I was wrong…"

"About what?"

Sirius breathed out and keeping me between his arms, he finally acknowledged, "You were waiting for me."


Sirius' POV

Raylynx left breakfast first, giving Harry a quick hug before returning to her room. She seemed a bit distracted. Remus and I shared a look, but at that moment, a tapping sound came from the window.

Remus got up and opened the window. A tawny owl flew in and held out its leg to Harry. Harry took the letter and opened it.

"Who's that from?" I asked curiously.

"Hermione," Harry said, scanning the letter. "She says to tell Professor Kingsley thanks for the new cat."

"A new cat?" I frowned. "What was wrong with the old one? I rather liked that ginger thing. What did Raylynx do to it?"

Harry paused. He seemed startled, as if he expected me to know better than to ask him that question. I saw him shoot a questioning look at Remus.

Remus sighed and put down his cup of tea. "Sirius… Crookshanks is Raylynx." He made it sound so matter-of-fact and obvious, but I was stunned.

"W-What?" The word slipped uncertainly from my mouth, like glass. In fact, my mind felt like I was trying to run on glass. My thoughts were going a hundred miles per hour, but I also couldn't seem to get a firm grip on anything. I was scrambling to make sense of everything that had happened in the past year.

I thought back to all of the interactions I had had as Padfoot with Crookshanks. You're telling me that that was her?

"Raylynx is a cat Animagus."

"What?" I sputtered. "You're telling me that this whole time, she was - she was -"

This whole time... Because there was something that even Remus didn't know. I had met Crookshanks even before this year. I'd met Crookshanks back when we were at Hogwarts, when I'd nearly died fighting Remus because Regulus and Snape, and then Lily and James, had been out in the Forbidden Forest the night of the full moon. I'd led Remus on a chase away from Regulus and Snape, who were deep in the forest. Unfortunately, that took us closer to the castle grounds, and Lily and James were just entering the Forest on their Head Boy and Girl duties. Unable to distract Remus without directly engaging him in a fight, I'd pounced onto Remus to save Lily and James. But I had been certain that I was going to die. A mere dog, however big, could not last against a werewolf. And then that orange bundle of fur had dropped out of nowhere to distract the werewolf from me, giving me time to escape the werewolf. I'd fallen unconscious that night because I'd lost so much blood. I'd fallen forward into the snow, and the coldness of the snow against my wounds had first stung so sharply, but then numbed me as my mind blanked out.

I'd woken up in the Hospital Wing the next morning. When I saw how badly wounded Remus was, I'd forgotten to ask how I'd ended up in the Hospital Wing. But I thought about it for the next few days, trying my hardest to remember. I assumed James had brought me up or fetched someone to help me. But I remembered the cat. I'd kept my eye out for the cat in the castle, thinking it was someone's pet, but I never saw it. Finally, I just figured it was a wild cat.

"I thought you knew!" Harry said, flustered. "I mean, I was confused too, at first. But then, I saw her trying to protect you down by the lake last year. When the dementors tried to suck out your soul, she threw herself on top of you. And I thought I was hallucinating, but after realizing she was Crookshanks, it all made sense…"

When I heard Harry say that, yet another realization clunked itself place. The entire episode by the Lake that night that Peter escaped was hazy. The dementors had been desperate to get to me, the prey that had eluded them for so long... I'd passed out quickly. I didn't even remember Harry coming to try to save me. But I had been fighting to keep my spirit, my soul. I could feel the icy chill and overwhelming hopelessness as hundreds of dementors fought to suck out my soul once and all. They nearly had. I discovered that night that there are layers to darkness - doubt, fear, grief, depression, hopelessness, but even beyond that... There is a entire dimension of broken souls and lost dreams. As the warmth left my body, I felt my spirit began to flicker out once and for all...

Join us... A rattling voice like cold wind whispered to me. Let us take your soul... Join us... You've nothing to live for anymore...

Then, the dementors screamed, enraged, as something came between them and me. Whatever that had been had shoved my spirit back into my body. I didn't know anything beyond that - I was incapable of any type of consciousness in the real world. But I floating in some space between the soul and the soulless, and I felt when my soul was pushed back into my body. And now I knew how that happened: Raylynx must have physically blocked the dementor from completely sucking out my soul. She caught me right at the edge. She saved me.

It all made sense now. She wasn't Crookshanks' owner. She was Crookshanks. And I realized that she had believed in me and risked everything to help me before anyone else, before she herself knew how Peter figured into the story. It was her. It was always her.

I stood up so fast my chair skidded backwards before starting to fall over. Remus' hand darted out and he caught it, but I was already gone from the kitchen.

Harry stared uneasily after me, his mouth hanging open. He turned to Remus and said nervously, "Sorry, was I not supposed to say that?"

Remus smiled wanly. "No, it's all right. In fact, it was the perfect thing to say."


I threw open Raylynx's door. I didn't mean to be so forceful, but control seemed to be beyond my ability at the moment. I couldn't really perceive much of anything, to be honest. The only thing that gave me any sense of reality was the sensation of my heart thumping madly in my chest.

Raylynx turned around at her desk and seeing me standing there, she stood up quickly. "Sirius? Is everything all rig-?"

Accidentally knocking over several stacks of paper, I crossed the room to her as quickly as I could, and colliding into her, I wrapped my arms around her tightly. Merlin, what did I ever do to deserve you?

I hugged her so forcefully that we slipped down against her desk, causing more stacks of paper to tumble over, sending the top papers fluttering in the air.

"Sirius?" she gasped.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I had my doubts, but I was wrong…"

She struggled a little, moving her head back just enough to see my face. She was half on the floor, barely sitting up, with her head pushed up slightly against the desk drawers. Looking up at me and grasping my arms to steady herself, she asked me breathlessly, "About what?"

In a voice more sobering and earnest than a confession, I murmured, "You were waiting for me."

"You believed in me, all this time," I said, in awe and realizing the truth of my words even as I said them to her. "You were with me this whole time – in your cat form."

She was holding onto me, and her grasp on my arms tightened a little when I said that. "How did you find out?"

"Harry told me."

"He did?"

"Well, he assumed I knew, and then Remus clarified that you were Crookshanks…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered to her feelingly, not loosening my grip on her one bit.

"Because you said you didn't want to see me," she said, pained. Before she could stop herself, her eyes became wet as she accused me in a heart-broken voice, "Do you have any idea what that felt like? I was with you the whole time, and you said you didn't want to see me."

"I'm sorry," I said, realizing that she had heard me tell Remus that I had no intention of going to find her. Even though I was terrible with words, I tried my best to explain to her, "I was being prideful. I didn't want you to see me that way – all broken after Azkaban. And I thought you were with someone else. I thought you didn't want me anymore."

A single tear streaked down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, and slowly and tenderly wiped away her tear.

She kept gazing up at me, and I could still see the hurt deep in her eyes. You were so mean, she was saying with her eyes. "Why didn't you come to me?" she asked me. "Or Remus? We wanted to help you, the whole time."

"I did come to you," I admitted softly. "The two of you were the first people I tried to find. The night I broke out, I came to your house."

Raylynx's eyes widened in surprise. "You did?" she said, stunned.

"I heard Remus warning you to stay away from me," I recalled. "You agreed."

She started a little. "Sirius, that wasn't-"

"I know," I said quickly. "I know it was to convince Remus that you would be safe. But I didn't know that then. I went away believing that the two of you thought of me as the traitor, and would turn me in to Dumbledore if I revealed myself to you."

Raylynx shook her head fervently.

Then, I sighed and said, "I should have known it was you. You brought me another one of your scarves. You would never have let a pet do that. You'd throw the cat out the window in favor of your scarf."

"What?" A surprised indignation broke through Raylynx's hurt. "That's not true," she protested.

"Although, I would be very angry," she admitted. Finally, she conceded, "I guess I'd put the cat in time-out."

I smiled a little. "And that terrible little yowl you made when you were trying to tell me about the Gryffindor passwords," I recalled.

"It was better than you attempt at being a rat," she shot back. "It sounded like you were choking on a marshmallow."

"Well, Padfoot's not a singer," I admitted. "He hasn't got that great of a range."

"Oh, and you do?"

"Naturally."

One of the many papers that had finally settled down had landed on the desk just above Raylynx's head. It started to slip down towards her. Frowning a little, I reached up and grabbed it before it fell and cut her cheek.

"What are these?" I muttered. "They're everywhere."

"Love letters," Raylynx whispered to me.

I paused, and then I looked at what I was holding in my hand. It was Raylynx's handwriting, of that I was sure. She had written:

Please re-consider the detention of Sirius Black. Sirius Black was never a Death Eater nor was he involved in any other allegiance with Voldemort. The evidence in favor of his innocence demands release – at the very least, a fair and open trial. Sirius Black has not been branded with the Dark Mark. Sirius Black's wand, as confirmed by Garrick Ollivander, has been found and the last spell was a Tracking Spell... The list went on and on.

I paused and looked around me and I realized that all of the stacks of papers in her room were not Ancient Runes notes, but pamphlets advocating for my freedom, rejection letters from the Ministry, and hate mail from people who thought her mad. But mostly, they were just rows and rows of – as she said, love letters. Addressed to me.

Grasping the back of her neck, I bent down and pressed my forehead against her. "You silly girl," I murmured. "Haven't I told you over and over again? The world doesn't see me the way you see me."

She closed her eyes and whispered back, "They're wrong."

Sitting up a little, I pulled her into my lap.

But she put her hands on my shoulders , resisting my embrace a little. "There's another reason that… that made me feel like I couldn't tell you about Crookshanks." She looked at me and said regretfully, "Because I did fail, Sirius. You were right… Yes, I tried. But so what? You still spent twelve years in Azkaban." She tried to blink away the glistening tears in her eyes as she whispered, "What did it matter how many pamphlets I wrote – when none of them brought you back to me?" Her eyes fell to my chest, as she was ashamed to look at me.

But I shook my head and said, "That's not what I meant… That's not why I was angry. After all, if you want to talk about truth - the truth is that I failed Lily and James. In a way, I deserved every day I spent in Azkaban. That's not why I was upset with you. Rather, it was the fact that I thought no one believed, even for one second, that I might be innocent… and the fact that no matter how I lived my life, my fate was no different than that of my parents' or of the other Death Eaters' that slowly destroyed me."

My voice deepened into an angry growl as I recalled that miserable feeling of realizing that to the rest of the world, I was no different than my deranged cousin, Bellatrix, who was screaming only a few cells down.

My voice softened, however, as I said to Raylynx, a bit remorsefully, "But I was blind, as I somehow always am, to you. Because you were with me… all this time."

Raylynx looked at me and asked me hopefully, almost in disbelief, "Do you mean it? You forgive me?"

I paused. "I think the question is – do you forgive me?"

Instead of answering, she wrapped her arms around me and finally melted into my embrace, burying her head against my shoulder and neck. I could feel her trembling slightly and heard her take a soft, shuddering breath.

"Stop crying, will you?" I teased her. "Someone might think you're actually in love with me."

"That's n-not funny, you bastard," she choked out.

I laughed, and wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her gently.

I heard her try to sniffle softly, and I could tell that she was trying to hide the fact that she was crying. Without letting go of her, I lifted my shoulder slightly to make her look at me. I turned my head and looked at her curiously.

"You know I've never seen you cry like this," I told her, a little surprised.

"Well, you missed out," she replied. "I'm at my best when I cry, really." She struggled to remove her arm from around my shoulder to wiped her bleary eyes.

I chuckled a little and reached up myself to wipe her tears away. "You've turned in a crybaby," I teased her, remembering how much she'd refused to cry when we were together years before. "And you used to make such a show about being a stone-faced soldier. I thought you'd sprout wings before you shed a tear."

"Well, I can you can turn into a cat. Close enough," I murmured.

She sighed a little and shook her head at herself. "I do cry more often now," she admitted. "I don't know why."

Gently, I said, "Well, I prefer you like this."

She smiled at me, knowing that I was trying to make her feel better. And I was, but it was also true. The hardest thing about Raylynx was getting her to admit her vulnerability. But once she did, I was always sure that I could make things better. I knew just how to tease her (without actually pissing her off). Along with her laughter, her irritation and annoyance were her most endearing parts to me.

She slid her arms around me again. Feeling her relax, I wrapped my arms around her again. As I held her tight to me, I thought about how I couldn't believe how full my heart felt.

Just yesterday, visiting Lily and James' grave with Harry made me feel like I would collapse with no chance of getting back up. Because it was my fault. That's what I kept thinking as Harry cried into my fur. It's my fault.

The day that James died, a part of me died too, and I knew, even now, that I was never going to get that back. I stared up at the ceiling. "Prongs, what if I'm never going to be a whole person again? I want this life with Lynx so badly…"

I imagined James grinning at me and slapping my shoulder. "Well, then, what's the problem? You want her, and she wants you."

"But I just don't know… if I'm going to be able to heal enough to be there for her."

"Pads, you figure that out as you go. But if you can't forgive yourself because of what happened between us and Peter, then you know what you've got to do, don't you? You've got to look after Ray and Remus, and Harry. Sirius – take care of my son for me and Lily. I'm trusting you with my boy. Keep him safe. That's how you make things right again. That's how you complete the circle.

My heart hurt, but then, feeling Raylynx in my arms, her chest pressed against mine, her waist held tight in my arms, and her head against my shoulder, I knew that I had to be – no, that I already was – strong enough to see it through. The world that Prongs had left me, I was going to protect with everything I had. Whatever came after – life, death, heaven, hell – that was none of my concern. And I knew that if I played my part right, whatever end there was, Prongs would be there, waiting for me. He'd grin cheekily with me, with his wind-swept hair and glasses, and say cheerfully, "Hello, Pads, buddy. It's been a while, hasn't it? How's little Prongsie doing?"


When Raylynx and I finally came out of her room, we found Remus and Harry playing Wizard's Chess. They both glanced up at us. Raylynx moved behind me a little to hide her slightly red eyes. She sat on the couch behind Harry. Remus frowned slightly when he looked at her, but when I sat next to him, more cheerful than he'd seen me since Hogwarts, he blinked and looked back at Raylynx. She offered him a small smile, and I knew that Remus got it then. He understood that we had reconciled.

Remus smiled back gently at her, and then he was distracted as Harry's bishop took out his rook.

"Blast," Remus muttered, as Harry grinned.

It was a good match, I thought. Harry is inexperienced. Remus is experienced, but still – well, horrible. Both of them danced around each other's pieces for a long time. Remus scratched his head, perplexed as to how to move forward. Finally, he said, more as question than as a statement, "Knight to E5?"

The black knight chess piece turned around indignantly and waved his sword at Remus. "You complete idiot! Send the bishop! We can afford to lose him."

"Please don't yell at me," Remus pleaded.

"You're going to send me to my death!" the knight shouted back.

"Yes, well. Please go," Remus said, and made a little shoo-ing motion at the knight. The knight grumbled, but pulled up his horse's rein and made the designated move.

Three moves later, Harry had a check-mate. Remus flopped over as the remaining black chess pieces roared in revolt at him. Meanwhile, Harry's white chess pieces were clapping and bowing to him.

I tapped my wand on the board and the pieces fell silent, solidifying into their inanimate pseudo-marble selves.

"That was excellent," Harry said cheerfully. "Ron's board is pretty old, so the players are pretty docile. I guess with new boards, they can be quite aggressive."

"Yes, they can be, can't they?" Remus muttered. "It rather shocked me."

Raylynx leaned forward and peered down at Remus' face. Seeing his defeated, slightly annoyed expression, she smiled and then fell back against the couch again, laughing silently to herself.

"Sirius, are you any good at chess?" Harry asked.

"Hm?" I said, taking my eyes off of Raylynx to look at my godson. "Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm a champ."

"He's lying," Remus interrupted. "He only thinks he's good because I'm the only one he ever plays against."

I snorted. "That's what you think. Just because I don't brag about my victories."

"Move over," I ordered Remus. "Let me play against my godson."


Raylynx's POV

The evening passed pleasantly. After Chess, all four of us played Gobstones together, with the game only ending when Sirius accidentally sent a Gobstone flying right at Remus' forehead. It bounced off his forehead with a loud thunk! that sounded suspiciously hollow – like a bucket.

"Okay, that's enough!" I shouted over Sirius' and Harry's delighted, surprised laughs. "Sirius, you're disqualified! Remus, you're… a loser." Remus looked up at me indignantly as he furiously rubbed his forehead.

"Harry and I are the finalists! But we'll play another day," I said firmly.

"Merlin, are you announcing your own dictatorship?" Sirius teased me. He mimicked me. "We'll play another day!"

I shot him a look as I shoved all the Gobstones away back into the bag. Besides me, Remus yawned and stretched a little.

"You know, I don't really understand how he's the wolf and you're the cat," Sirius said, nodding at us both.

"That reminds me!" Harry said. He turned to me and relayed, "Hermione said she loves her cat."

"Oh, she received Oddfoot?" I said excitedly, brightening immediately.

"Yeah, and she thanked you for being so thoughtful and sending along cat food and everything," Harry told me.

"It's the least I can do, really," I said. "I'm sure she was horrified when she found out that her cat was her Professor." I flushed a little, still embarrassed.

Harry grinned. "She kept going on about how you knew that she'd punched Draco Malfoy in the face."

I laughed. "It did surprise me when she told me that. But you know what? Because it's Hermione, I'm proud of her."

The night settled in and the sky outside turned a deep indigo. Remus headed off for bed first. I went shortly after him. I washed up and changed into my pajamas, pulling on one of Jamie's sweaters for comfort. Just before slipping into bed, I hesitated, wanting to see Sirius. I carefully and quietly made my way down the hallway. I could hear Harry and Sirius still talking. I peered out from behind the hallway wall and into the living room to see them laughing and talking together. I smiled and slipped back into the hallway. I returned to my room and then slid under the covers. My heart hummed with happiness that night and I fell asleep quite peacefully.

In fact, though I didn't know, Sirius had caught me peeking out from the hallway. He'd stayed with Harry and they'd continued to talk for a good hour or so before Harry finally said that he was off to bed. Sirius affectionately ruffled his hair and waited for him to get to bed before he quietly made his way over to my room.

I started a little as I heard a dull, low thud sound, followed by a soft curse.

I blinked tiredly.

"We've got to do something about all these papers. I'm going to lose a leg trying to get to you."

A figure kneeled down beside my bed and then, I felt a warm hand on my face.

"Sirius?" I mumbled.

"Lynx."

I smiled when he used my nickname.

"Come join me?" I murmured, shifting my blankets a little.

Sirius hesitated. "I don't think I can sleep in a bed. Sorry, love. But I just came to say good night…"

"G'night," I mumbled.

"Okay, well, that's very straightforward," Sirius said dryly.

"What'd you expect?" I muttered.

"Something more like this." His other hand came up to gently clasp my face and pull me a little towards him. I felt gentle kisses all across my cheeks.

I reached up and grasped his wrists in my hands.

"Please don't go," I said softly.

"I'll come join you when I'm all right again," Sirius said, gently tracing my cheek with his thumb.

I frowned.

Sirius smiled a little. "Sleep," he said, his voice soothing. "I'll stay with you until you're asleep."

He let me keep his hand pressed against my cheek. Sleepily, I turned my face into his hand and pressed my lips to his palm.

"G'night," I repeated, murmuring softly.

"Good night, love."


a/n: My holiday gift is to post multiple chapters at once to save you from another round of constant angst between Ray and Sirius, hahaha. Happy Holidays, everyone! Will reply to comments when I release the next chapter. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and reviewing!