A/N: Because I'm stuck on the grand finale of "Five Nights at Freddy's - Cringe Abridged Version", I'm diving into "Five Nights at Freddy's 4 - Cringe Abridged Version". Me? Procrastinating? Pfft, I'm not procrastinating! Procrastination can wait until tomorrow.
5 days before the party "Great, I'm room-bound—house arrest for toddlers, fantastic!" yelled the kid. He's's gotta learn to pick a lock or something.
"It's chill, we're your pals," the decapitated Foxy plushy piped up.
"That's precisely why I'm having a meltdown!" the kid wailed, smacking the door before flopping onto the bed.
It was fine.
Tomorrow was another day.
Night One
The kid fluttered open his eyes, which, for once, were not pouring tears. "Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Oh, wait, maybe—"
Mid-existential crisis, he stretched, when lo and behold, a flashlight caught his eye. "Hello, beautiful," he whispered, scooping it up. "Jackpot! I found the shiny!"
There he stood, basking in the glow of his new treasure, when suddenly—a peculiar sound. Breathing? From the left door. Why did his room even need a left door?
Without a second thought, he bolted to the door, pressing his ear against it. Breathing, unmistakably breathing.
"Is that you, Fido? If you learned to open doors, I'm signing us up for talent shows," he called out.
"Nah, I'm Nightmare Bonnie. Bonnie, as in Bonnie the House-Invading Bunny," came a raspy retort.
Yikes on bikes!
Our hero braced against the door. "Get lost! You sound like a reject from a vintage shop that even my nan would say 'thanks, but no thanks' to!"
"That's just uncalled for!" the voice retorted with a hurt tone.
"You're also trying to turn me into a human kebab!"
"Well, I—uh, yeah, that's true. Fine, I'll scoot on elsewhere," the voice conceded, and footsteps trailed off.
The unnamed kid - seriously, does he even have a moniker? - let out a whoop of relief and hotfooted it back to his fortress of bedtime solitude. That's when the little devils caught his eye. "Oh, look at the cute little—"
"We will feast on your eternal essence..." the Freddles hissed from their perch on the mattress.
"Nope, nope, and triple nope! Nope sandwich!" the kid flashed the Freddles. With his flashlight! The flashlight, people! Get your minds out of the gutter.
"Ah, the light! It burns!" they shrieked, vanishing into the shadows.
"Didn't anyone teach you monsters about asking before you squat on someone's duvet?" the kid muttered, rolling his eyes. "You're worse than my brother." he paused. "Actually, scratch that, he's way worse."
A trot over to the left door. Nothing.
The right door? Oh, bingo. That wheezy breath was back in business.
"Knock...knock..." came a female voice. "It's me. Totally-Not-Nightmare-Chica. The regular, not-at-all terrifying animatronic chicken who's here to deliver a hot slice of doom—I mean, pizza!"
"Is it from Domino's?" our nameless hero called out.
"Affirmative."
"Then keep that cheesy circle of sadness. That pizza smells like gym socks after a marathon in Death Valley, marinated in the regrets of someone who just discovered 'use by' dates the hard way!"
There was a pause. "That's... repulsive. I gotta hurl."
"Cool, cool. Don't mind me," the youngster quipped, darting back to the center of his room. now, what hadn't he checked yet?
As he plopped down on the floor, he figured he might as well bust out a tune while the universe decided his fate. "let it go, let it gooooo-"
"Oi!" Nightmare Bonnie barked from behind the left door, running towards it. "No singing that as-dead-as-you song!"
The kid darted to the door and slammed it shut just in time for Bonnie to bonk his face and ricochet off. "Ah, fuck, I can't believe you've done this..." Nightmare Bonnie's voice grumbled into nothingness.
A beat of silence.
Then, under his breath, the kid whispered, "Let it gooooooo..."
He then sung that song for the rest of the night while nothing happened.
The clock struck 6 AM.
"Breakfast triumph pancakes!" the kid hollered, doing a victory lap out of his room on the way to the kitchen.
But the house was silent. "Breakfast triumph... pancakes?" he echoed, skidding to a halt, his eyes glued to the empty table, willing the pancakes to materialize.
No pancakes in sight.
He started a one-kid wail-a-thon that wasn't over until the rest of the house jolted awake.
A/N: This was weird. Maybe I should just...quit.
Nah, just kidding. I'm not quitting. Or, actually, I might, depending on if I run out of ideas for cringe jokes and stuff or not. Better hope I do! :)
Also, should I introduce the Halloween animatronics next chapter, so we can have a bigger cast and therefore more awful childish jokes to make? Let me know!
