Chapter Thirteen
Edward
I couldn't recall leaving the forest outside of Bella's house and coming home. My mind was racing with questions as we all sat in Carlisle's studying, reading his journals from his time with the Volturi.
"I've never heard of a vampire mating with a human," Carlisle said. "Aro told me so much of this life, but never that."
"So it's not possible?" I asked.
He closed a journal and shrugged as Esme took his hand. "Just because I've never seen it before doesn't make it impossible. Honestly, in all reason it's likely to happen. I changed Esme after being drawn to her as a human."
"As a dying human," I stressed, rubbing my hands over my face. "And the two of you danced around each other for months after!"
"Because I resisted," he said, looking lovingly at his wife. "I knew what state she was in, but I had feelings for her. I wanted to protect her, to cherish her, and to love her from our first meeting. It's very likely I mated the moment I saw her, as well."
"Did you fall to your knees and have the entire world disappear on you?"
"Well . . . no, not exactly. Maybe the fact that she's your singer intensifies the bond?"
"I felt it like Edward," she said, looking up at Carlisle. "Not as a human, but when I first woke and saw you as a vampire, I could see nothing else. I thought it was just the change, but now . . ."
Carlisle smiled softly, caressing her arm. "I resisted any and all urges for so many years, so that could explain why it wasn't as powerful for me. I wouldn't let myself feel the connection, but I fully believe it was there—even the first time I saw you as a human."
I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. This was all too much. It couldn't be possible that after all this time, I'd found my mate. It couldn't be possible because she was human.
"How do I resist her?"
"Edward, you see how long that lasted for me," he said. "I avoided her at all costs—we moved—but we both know I was not the same man. It all seems to be falling into place now, knowing you've mated with a human."
I was suddenly taken back in Carlisle's memory, watching through his eyes the first time he laid eyes on Esme. It was nine-teen forty-nine and she was just a twenty year old girl. She'd broken her leg a week before her wedding—by falling from a tree, in fact.
I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, Carlisle thought. And her spirit . . . she was incredible and everything about her made me happy. As I treated her, I hung on her every word. Son, I believe now that I loved her from that moment.
"But you left her," I said.
He nodded sadly, holding her closer to him. "Yes, I did. I didn't know what I was feeling and I didn't think it was right—not with what I am. I came home upset, remember?"
"We have to leave," he said, storming into the house.
My fingers stopped playing immediately, following him up the stairs in a panic.
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you . . .?"
"No, no, of course not." He shook his head. "But I think . . . there's a woman. She may have realized I was different. We cannot chance it."
"You lied to me," I said, creasing my brow. "That's not possible. Your thoughts . . ."
"Were honest. I'd spent too much time with her—I'd touched her over and over. I did think she'd noticed something, but I think I'd convinced myself what I was feeling wasn't possible—enough to even fool you."
"So, your incredible self-control stopped you," Esme said. "We've long thought it was a gift. Maybe this proves it."
He smiled with a soft chuckle. "I'm not so sure about that, darling. I think I'd just managed to convince myself otherwise, but we both know I didn't let you go the second time."
I was back in time again, this time seeing through Carlisle's eyes as my battered mother laid below him. I'd only watched this memory twice—he hated to relive it. She was broken beyond repair and he was furious and devastated.
I changed her without a second thought, he thought. I could not let her go and, though it went against my every instinct before, I bit her—like I'd done to you, but for different reasons.
"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked, pulling at my hair as I ran my hand through it. "I can't . . . leave her—or change her! This pull . . . it's so intense. Like right now, all I want to do is go back to her, and I've yet to even speak to her! Or see her awake!"
"Maybe just take it slowly," Esme suggested. "No one is saying you have to change her."
Carlisle's thoughts were in a different tune, though.
I don't see how he can't, but I suppose anything is possible. Maybe we should leave.
"I can't," I sighed. "I don't think I could leave even if I wanted to."
Esme looked at Carlisle, cocking her head. "You think we should leave?"
"I'm not sure, darling," he confessed. "If what I went through is any indication, eventually he'll have to change her. Even if I hadn't found you by chance again, I'm not sure I would have been able to stay away from you much longer."
I suddenly had an idea from his thoughts. "I'll protect her," I said. "That's what you wanted to do for Esme, right?"
He nodded. "Yes, which is why I changed her. I wanted her to be safe—to live."
"Then . . . I'll just protect her. I'll keep my distance as much as I can and watch over her. No one says I have to be with her."
Even though I feel like I need to be, I thought.
I wasn't sure how I was going to do this, but I'd resolved to. Bella was most likely my mate, but she would not be a vampire. I'd watch over her and protect her as long as she lived, and that would be enough—it had to be.
. . . . .
I gave myself the rest of the week and through the weekend, watching Bella from afar. Carlisle or Esme—sometimes both—often joined me each night as I crouched outside of Bella's house, like some kind of stalker.
I watched her.
I listened to her.
I learned about her.
She was so timid, even in her own home. And she was quiet as a mouse, preferring to read rather than watch TV. She did her homework in silence and she and Charlie spoke little, but when they did, I could hear how much he cared for her.
I never heard her thoughts, though. It made no sense and, honestly, it was unnerving. Could there have been something wrong with her mind? Carlisle didn't think so, instead believing she could block me. He'd heard of it before—a mental shield, he'd called it—but he'd never witnessed a human possessing such a gift.
It made her all the more fascinating to me.
After being absent from school for over a week, we decided I'd go back today. It worried me, wondering if her blood would start to call to me again. The scent was still incredibly alluring, but I fully believed the fact that she was my mate made it easier to resist. I wanted to protect her, not kill her.
"I wonder if they need any help around the office today," Esme mused with a smile as I put on my needless jacket.
Her mind was so hopeful that I didn't have it in me to dash it. I could clearly hear what she wanted—what she dreamed of. She hadn't been coy about her hopes, but I couldn't amuse myself with them.
"I'm sure they'd have called if they needed you," I said, stepping up to her and kissing her cheek. "I promise to tell you all about my day."
She grinned with a nod. "I want every detail! You better talk to her."
I'm serious. I'll know if you don't.
Instead of telling her how I had no plans to do so, I just lied with a nod. "We'll see how it goes."
"Have a good day! I love you."
"I love you, too." I smiled, grabbing my backpack and heading out the door.
I'm meeting her today, I thought with a soft smile.
I don't own Twilight.
